Advance Wars Quotations

Advance Wars is a war strategy game (turned-based) video game series for the Nintendo Game Boy Advance and DS systems, and is a continuation of the Nintendo Wars series.

Waylon

It's time for Waylon to do some whalin'!
Easy, brother man! I paid a lot for this haircut, and you're spittin' all over it. So how goes the charity work? Keeping busy making soup and handing out blankets?
Time out, Captain Courageous! You want Waylon to join forces with YOU? Listen to me now. I think you're a good man. I'll even give you a standing ovation. Clap, clap. But if you think I'm going to do charity work,you need to think again! I didn't survive the meteors just to risk myself fora bunch of chumps!

Tabitha

The weak disgust me.
That wasn't even worth the trouble.
Come on! At least fight back!
Enemy coordinates entered... now let's enjoy the show!

Caulder

After countless failed experiments, I finally realized my ambition. I then used my own clones to further my research! Do you know what it is like to watch yourself die? ...It is FASCINATING!

Dialogue

Will: Captain Brenner? Can you give me any tips for the upcoming battle?

Brenner: Of course. I'd be glad to. Hold on one second... ...Blast! Now where
did I put those...

Will: Did you lose something, Captain?

Brenner: Lin gave me some notes for this tactics session, but I can't seem
to find them. Ah ha! Here they are! ...Oh, wait. That's just a drawing of a
tank I made when I was bored...

Will: Um...Captain? Are you really getting all your strategy from Lin? Maybe
you should keep that a secret from the rest of the troops...

Brenner: She's a natural teacher, Will. I'm just not much for that kind of
thing. Yes! Here they are! OK, let's see what she has to say...

Brenner: "Captain. Tell Will to quickly capture factories and cities. He needs to
defend his foot soldiers with other units as they do so. The area southeast of
the factory will make an ideal defensive perimeter. If the enemy swarms you,
retreat to this area and regroup. And have him build an anti-tank unit for
the enemy's war tank." That's it.

Will: Is that all?

Brenner: Yes, that's... Oh, wait a second. "P.S. Don't just read this to
Will. Pretend you thought of it yourself." ...Damn.

Will: Sooooo... I'm in charge, but you're really in charge. Is that it?

Lin: Precisely. I know you lack military knowledge and all but the most basic
tactical awareness. Right now, I'd only trust you with low-level military
tasks. Like cleaning.

Will: Ouch! Geez, Lin, don't sugarcoat it for me or anything.

Lin: ...What? Too harsh? OK, hold on a second. OK, imagine that I'm a big
car, and you're a little car. Now, when the big car--

Will: Stop. Please stop right now. I get it. Please don't talk to me like
a little kid.

Brenner: Why don't you come down here so we can talk that over, Waylon?

Waylon: No thanks, brother man. My mama didn't raise no dummies. Why are you
sticking your neck out like this anyway, Brenner? You think any of this makes
a difference? I just don't get it.

Brenner: And you never will.

Waylon: Fine by me, brother man. Fine by me. Say, you remember what I said
the first time we met? I TOLD you this responsibility gig would lead to an
early grave.

Brenner: Better early to the grave than late to your own humanity, Waylon.

Waylon: Ain't that a thing. Almost makes me feel bad about what I'm gonna do.
All units! Target Captain Brenner! Time to bag ourselves a hero!

Will: Lin? Uh, I mean, sir? Hello? ...Lin, is that you?

The Beast: Gwar har har! Guess again, loser!

Will: Eep! ...Wait, what are you doing here?

The Beast: Givin' tactical advice! What does it look like I'm doin'?

Gage: Tasha, we have to retreat.

Tasha: What? Why?! Call in reinforcements, Gage! I want to keep fighting!

Gage: Orders from General Forsythe.

Tasha: But...WHY?! Look at them! Those Rubinelle forces are lame ducks!

Gage: Tasha? It was a direct order.

Tasha: Dammit!

Gage: Calm down. There's no place for emotion on the battlefield. Stay cool,
follow orders, and eliminate the enemy. That is all we have to do.

Tasha: Gya! I'll get revenge on all those Rubes! I swear it!

Lin: Let's see... Cooking... Well, to master the art of battlefield cuisine,
you need to use whatever is at hand. ...Oh look! A rat! That's great. Today
we'll make a rat stew.

Isabella: Rat...stew?

Lin: Yes. Rats are an excellent source of protein and vitamins.

Isabella: Um...OK. Well, I guess I'll try to... Ew! Please don't give that to
me!

Lin: Now, while our rat is simmering, let's discuss the upcoming battle.

Caulder: In my youth, enormous progress had been made in the field of
cloning. But while technically feasible, there was ethical resistance to the
idea.

[Cutscene of a grinning Caulder]

Caulder: I rejected such pretty concerns and chose to clone myself!

Will: Y-you cloned yourself?

Caulder: After countless failed experiments, I finally realized my ambition.
I then used my own clones to further my research! Do you know what it is like
to watch yourself die? ...It is FASCINATING!

Will: You're insane!

Caulder: Do not interrupt! These clones were used to grow organs that could be
transplanted into me. But then something went wrong... The clones began
to...feel. They resented being used in such a way...and they fought back.
After a brief, fierce war, only one cloned survived... AND I AM THAT
SURVIVOR!

Will: But that means... Wait, you're--

Caulder: Yes. I am a clone. And I killed my creator!

Jake

Get the plates, 'cause you just got served!
You got dropped like a phat beat!
Owned.
We served Black Hole a hot bowl of smack down soup! WOOOOO!
[talking about the Megatank] If they can make a monster tank like that, Green Earth must be a freaky place.
Dude. You couldn't be more of a loser! You only care about yourself! You're not thinking about the land or anyone else. That kind of thing will only lead to your own destruction!
I'll tell you something, Sasha... No one will ever do this again. If some enemy appears and tries to wreck everything all over again... I won't lose. I will fight for the tiny life that has blossomed in this great land... ...Word.

Nell

Don't hate me just because I'm lucky!
Lady luck was with me!
Ha! Too bad for you!
...And that's how it's done.
[before battling Lash] I do believe I'm being taunted. Sami? Bring her to me... alive.

Hachi

I may be old, but I can still rumble!
Battles cost too much!
Rematches are free!
Thank you, come again!
Running away won't prove anything, soldier! Stand ground now!

Andy

Pass me my wrench!
I haven't even cranked the engine yet!
You're pretty tough! Let's fight again!
I can fix anything!
What's an airport, again?
[After Sami mentions Wars World's continents] Really? Continents?

Max

You want to fight me? I'll pound you!
Check out these guns!
This'll be as easy as falling out of bed!
I'm just saying that people who don't know anything... don't know nothin'!

Sami

A commando never gives up...
Commandos always complete their mission.
Score one for the grunts!

Olaf

Let the winds of war bring snow!
I'll bury you!
All hail Blue Moon, my home sweet home!
For Blue Moon.... For the motherland!

Grit

Where's the fool who wants to help me with target practice!?
I wait like a snake in the grass... then I strike!
I hope this gets easier. That was harder'n college!
If ya want to hide a tree, stick 'er in a forest.

Colin

Take that, loser! ...Wow, that felt great!
People of Blue Moon, I need your help!
Money buys power!

Eagle

My air force is invincible!
The Eagle soars above you!
Where's the challenge in that?
Try hitting the gym!
Death from above!
Speed is the lifeblood of battle.

Jess

This battle will advance my tactical research...
It's nice to win, but I wanted to STOMP you!
A good CO knows her limitations...and I have none!

Javier

Away put your weapons! You shall not be needing them where you are going!
Charge into the toothy maw! For now is the time for a glorious hindspanking!
Your maidenfolk shall soon howl great lamentations!
This day shall be the greatest of days, unless tomorrow is even greater!
Foe, you are touched with madness if you seek to pierce my steely hide!
Mighty spire of communication, imbue my blade with stabby might!
No sharpness can penetrate my steely hide!
Consider your hindquarters righteously spanked!
You live still, for Javier is masterful but merciful!
Let us whack mightily upon our enemy as the oaken staff assaults an unwary pinata! All for the chocolaty treasures within!
Allow me to slap the foe with extreme prejudice!

Kanbei

Mercy has no place on the battlefield!
Observe the heart of a true samurai!
Listen to the foe from afar... Watch him up close.
I'm Kanbei, Yellow Comet's emperor!
On to the next fight! Wait... Where's my sword?

Sonja

Get me some fresh intel, stat!
I must review my strategy.
That was too close.
I took more damage than I expected.

Sensei

Hold on to your suspenders!
I'm getting cranky!
You put up a good fight! Your future is looking good.
Paratroopers, prepare to jump!
Ha ha! What a thrill! Wheeee!
I might retire soon... I wonder how my 401k is doing.
Looks like I still got it! Take that, whippersnapper!

Grimm

You're about to enter a world of pain!!
Outta the way! I got crushin' to do!
Wanna throw down again? Oooh yeah!
Gwar har har! Hit the road, slick!
Fear the lightning!
I only know two ways to get to know a person: Fighting and eating. And belive it or not, I ain't hungry.

Flak

I've still got what it takes!
Graaa! Blaarrgggg! Smaaarrgggghhh!!
Crushing stuff's what I do best! You got a problem with that?!?
Grrrr! Two women COs! Good country! I must have it!
These bombers... They're indirect-combat units.
What was that? A waste of my time!

Lash

Game over, freak!
Tee hee hee! You're a loser!
My huge brain made that way too easy!
Huh? That's all you got? Wow, you're no fun!
Everything's disposable. Everything! What's the point of having all this stuff if we don't get to break it!?
[talking about the Oozium] It's not even fun to poke!
That's why the bad guys always advance science... Because they're fearless!

Adder

A battle with me is a greater honor than you deserve!
My apologies. Should I have gone easier on you?
Heh heh heh... That's life for the weak...
Don't forget me now. That would be a shame.

Hawke

You have inspired me to take action.
Will you sacrifice all? Then perhaps you can win...
Sad... you were no match for me.
There is no chance. My victory was assured.
[talking to Lash] I hope you understand just how strange you are.
[after shooting Von Bolt's chair when Jake refused to do so] To fight one evil...you must sometimes use another... It's a fitting role for me.
I still have...one last job. Here we are. At the end of everything... And all I could do was take... I am no different than this old man... Jake... I wish I had met you...before.
To be defeated is to lose everything. Are you prepared for that outcome?
Victory goes to the better combatant. It's a simple truth.

Sturm

...
You've done nothing but enter the door that I opened for you.
Prepare to embrace darkness!
Fear is all you have left...
Burning earth!!!
Such power... I regret crushing it.
You are cannon fodder for my laser.
You conceited fool, did you truly think you could outsmart me?
So close, I was so close...
I underestimated the strenght of these worms!
Hawke,come to me!
This time, I shall have a base and invade at my own leisure.
And here you are, cringing like a dog with its tail between its legs.
You shall know no mercy and no forgiveness, cur!

Jugger

Kindle processor: 4 gigahertz and rising. Lash CPU: 486 in molasses.
Bolt Guard intent: smack-laying in a downward direction.
Enemy: prepare for mega hurtz.
Blue screen of death!
Victory; downloading party hat.
Victory dance initiated.
Jugger; superior. Enemy; lame.
Juggger must...ctrl+alt+del.
Jugger has no need for hair.
Kindle...genius. Kindle...beautiful... Kindle...arrogant...er... Abort! Abort!

Koal

I have no equal on the field of war!
Wallow in your shame, swine! Wallow, I say!
Victory is no accident.
Such passion! Such bravado! We will twist them into abject despair!

Kindle

Let us play a more dangerous game, shall we? I grow weary of this.
Winning is almost as wonderful as I am. Aha ha ha!
I won again? This is getting so boring.

Von Bolt

No matter how powerful... hhh... you are, you're... hhh... still a worm on a hook...
Well... hhh... let me have a taste of your soul....
Hold still... hhh... I'm going to... hhh... suck the marrow from your bones.
The sweet scent... hhh... of destruction... It makes me... hhhh... feel young!
Predator... prey... hhh... I hunt them all...
Even death... hhh... fears me...
To live...hhhh...is to take...hhhh... How many plants...hhhhh...animals... Hhhhhh... Have you taken...hhhh...in your life...? You...hh...and I... Hhhh... We are the same... Hhhhh... We take...hhh...that we might live...!

Jake/Rachel

Jake: Dude, Sweet tactics, Rachel!

Rachel: No, that was all you.
Jake: Hey, Rachel, we rule! Let's hit the sack!

Rachel: You're a fast learner! You can barely keep up. Try harder.
Rachel: Don't underestimate Orange Star tactics!

Jake: And don't underestimate our COs, either!

Jake/Jess

Jake: We work pretty well together, eh, Jess?

Jess: It's a tank thing.
Jake: We'll crush them next time, too!

Jess: Indeed, Jake. I'm looking forward to it.
Jess: We're the best team ever for tank battles.

Jake: It's true. No one can match us.
Jess: I see... Results improve depending on your partner...

Jake: Yea, you're bomb, Jess.

Rachel/Nell

Rachel: Not bad, huh, Sis? Whooo! Yeah! We rule! Yeah!

Nell: Exciteable, aren't you?
Rachel: Don't like facing sisters? You're just unlucky!

Nell: Weird... I feel a little guilty.
Nell: Huh. We won. Lucky us.

Rachel: Don't be such a downer, Nell. Smiling won't kill you!
Nell: Nice battle, Rachel. You earn a passing grade.

Rachel: I had a good teacher!

Hachi/Sensei

Hachi: Shop 'til you drop! Or until I drop you!

Sensei: Ha ha ha! You're such the businessman.
Hachi: We have to show up those kids.

Sensei: Yep. You've got that right!
Sensei: Well, that settles that.

Hachi: Nice win, Sensei! There was never any doubt!
Sensei: The next one is yours, Hachi.

Hachi: I'll make a good showing, you old coot!

Andy/Max

Andy: Let's do it, Max!

Max: Yeah! We'll break their lines like toothpicks!
Max: I'll crush all enemies!

Andy: And I'll fix all allies!

Andy/Eagle

Andy: Success! I'm ready for more! I can fight all day!

Eagle: Ha! Spoken like my true rival!
Andy: We won! Yippee!

Eagle: Naturally. Only I can beat me. And I never do.
Eagle: Someday, Andy, you and I should have a skirmish!

Andy: Go ahead--I'll win that one, too!

Andy/Hawke

Andy: We won!

Hawke: Well fought. I can see why you beat me last time...
Andy: Hey, we're friends now! Come on, let's shake!

Hawke: Er... No. Trusting is hard.
Hawke: All too easy.

Andy: You call that easy?
Hawke: Perhaps you should join Black Ho--no. Never mind.

Andy: What? Come on, what? Now it's going to bug me.
Hawke: We will only use air and naval units. If you win, I will return this land to Orange Star.

Andy: Good. And if I lose, I will let Black Hole take possesion of this land.

Hawke: Quite a generous offer... Considering that we already conquered it.

Max/Grit

Max: I'll win next time, too!

Grit: You've got the big guns. Might as well use 'em.
Max: Grr! No one can stop me!

Grit: Fulla beans today, aren't you, Max?
Grit: With my indirect attacks and your direct power...

Max: Odd couples make the best teams!
Grit: That was harder'n whacking snakes with a bucket!

Max: ...A bucket???

Sami/Sonja

Sami: Thanks for the support, Sonja!

Sonja: Let's do this again sometime.
Sami: Don't ignore us because we're girls!

Sonja: Our team is second to none.
Sonja: Our chemistry is fantastic.

Sami: Well, we go back a long way, I'm sure that helps.
Sonja: War isn't enough. You need to do well in school, too.

Sami: What? Boooring!

Sami/Eagle

Sami: See, Eagle? I can totally help!

Eagle: It's true. Let's team up next time, too.
Sami: Success! Let's move out, Eagle.

Eagle: Don't worry. I've got your back.
Eagle: You stay here where it's safe. I've got this one.

Sami: Hey, I'm a CO, too! Don't be a jerk!
Eagle: Our victory is secured.

Sami: Ha! That's my Eagle!

Olaf/Grit

Olaf: Come on, Grit! Put your heart in it!

Grit: Yessir, I'll try that, O Bearded One.
Olaf: Oh, Bluuuuue Moooooon... My home and native land!

Grit: ...Does he have to sing every time we win?
Grit: Hey, if you want to fight this one, I'll just nap...

Olaf: Grit! You little...!
Grit: If it snows, it's all you.

Olaf: Snow or rain or sun... I can handle anything!

Colin/Sasha

Colin: If I lose, Sasha will flip out! She's so stressed!

Sasha: Did you say something?... I didn't think so.
Colin: H-how was that, Sis?

Sasha: Meh. Not great. I can do better.
Sasha: Say something clever, Colin.

Colin: Um... Don't mess with the best! Oh, that was lame.
Sasha: Our sibling bond can never be broken!

Colin: Yep! That's why we're the best.

Sasha: ...Achoo!

Colin: What's wrong, Sis? Are you catching a cold? Here, let me make you some
hot chocolate.

Sasha: Oh, thanks. That would be nice...

Sasha: Don't forget the marshmallows.

Sasha: Or the cinnamon stick.

Sasha: Oh, and make sure it's hot! The last time it was kind of lukewarm.

Sasha: And use the snowman mug!

Eagle/Drake

Eagle: You can take the next battle, Drake.

Drake: Maybe we'll fight on an ocean...
Eagle: This is the power of Green Earth!

Drake: That's right! Don't make us mad!
Drake: You're really tough, Eagle. You make me feel safe.

Eagle: What? Hey, don't be so weird. You helped too!
Drake: Whew! I was on pins and needles that whole time!

Eagle: Just as I thought... No one can beat us.

Jess/Javier

Jess: Our chemistry is pretty good, eh, 'Stache?

Javier: She loves me! Ah...
Jess: The enemy is no more. Let us move on.

Javier: How can one remain so cool in the heat of victory?
Javier: None can pierce my armor of justice

Jess: Don't overreach! Confidence can kill...
Javier: Your aid warms my soul, Dame Jess.

Jess: Just doin' my job.

Javier/Kanbei

Javier: Are my tactics of the pleasing sort, Sir Kanbei?

Kanbei: Stunning! I am in awe!
Javier: Chivalry is king!

Kanbei: And my sword is swift!
Kanbei: Javier, let's move on to the next battlefield!

Javier: Please, Sir Kanbei! Let me strike!
Kanbei: I shall cleave you in twain, with a single blow!

Javier: You are as good as your legend, Sir Kanbei!

Kanbei/Sonja

Kanbei: On to the next battle! Yellow Comet... away!

Sonja: Father, wait! You forgot your sword!
Kanbei: I love you, Sonja! Do you hear, world? I love her!

Sonja: Father, stop! You're embarrassing me!
Sonja: I knew we would win. Didn't you, Father?

Kanbei: Indeed! Victory was a certainty.
Sonja: I can't keep relying on you. I must pull my weight.

Kanbei: My little girl... All grown up... Sniff...

Sonja/Lash

Sonja: We did it, Lash!

Lash: I didn't do squat! Boo!
Sonja: Plan ahead, Lash. Slow and steady...

Lash: Stow it, professor!
Lash: Tee hee hee! I'm going to break everything!

Sonja: I don't understand why we work so well together...
Lash: Tee hee hee! Get to the junkyard, losers!

Sonja: ...Humble. I like that.

Sensei/Grimm

Sensei: This is what happens when you show me up!

Grimm: Bad mood! Oooh, yeah!
Sensei: You've gotten much better at fighting, Grimm.

Grimm: Gwar har har! I'm no greenhorn!
Grimm: Gwar har har! We smoked 'em!!

Sensei: Ha ha! Our victory was guaranteed!
Grimm: Oooh yeah! You entered Grimm's World of Pain!

Sensei: No need to involve me...

Flak/Lash

Flak: I have the power!

Lash: And I have the brains.
Flak: I envy you... Fight so many battles.

Lash: Stop your whining! Sheesh, what a wimp!
Lash: Tee hee! We win, Flak!

Flak: Grrr! Yeah! That was great!
Lash: Well, I took care of that... Where've you been?

Flak: L-leave me alone!

Lash/Hawke

Lash: Are we, like, too strong?

Hawke: Don't get cocky. We must live to fight another day.
Lash: Next time I'll fight with one hand behind my back!

Hawke: Lash! No more games!
Hawke: Only the strong survive. That is Hawke's Rule!

Lash: And only the weak lose? Wow, you're a genius.
Hawke: ...Tired. Must... rest.

Lash: Haaaaaawke! Lemme have some fun, too!

Jugger/Koal

Jugger: Preparing for battles... Processing... Processing...

Koal: Very well. The next one can be yours, too.
Jugger: Shutting down... Zzzz... Zzzz... Mommy...?

Koal: Are you OK, Jugger?
Koal: We are Kindle's men. Her loyal vassals.

Jugger: You and I equal salt and pepper... Bacon and eggs...
Koal: Jugger, tell me. What's inside your shell?

Jugger: Uh... Um... Er... Secret.
Koal: Come Jugger! The denizens of the deep are hungry, and I would feed them!

Koal/Adder

Koal: Heh heh heh... Other COs are soft...

Adder: Heh heh heh... Like cotton candy.
Koal: Heh heh heh... Hold nothing back!

Adder: Heh he... Hmm. Odd. That is my motto, too.

Koal/Kindle

Koal: Our team is unrivaled.

Kindle: But I'm more talented.
Koal: I cannot tell a lie. You are a true beauty.

Kindle: Aha ha ha! Tell me more! Tell me I'm modest!
Kindle: Done? But I haven't even put my makeup on...

Koal: Your beauty and power have no equal.
Kindle: Ah ha ha! I am perfection itself!

Koal: So it would seem.

Kindle/Jugger

Kindle: Jugger! This is all your fault! Another performance like that and I'll have you melted down for shell casings!

Jugger: Jugger... ammo? Battle analysis indicates Kindle also lost. Kindle ammo also?
Jugger: Ready for... battle. Must go...all out.

Kindle: Jugger, darling, relax. You're far too serious.
Jugger: Jugger...wins. Kindle...wins. Initiating flexing.

Kindle: Aha ha ha! It was all thanks to me!
Kindle: Come on, Jugger. Give me some sugar.

Jugger: Kindle...beautiful. Kindle...brilliant.
Kindle: We won! Aha ha ha! Jugger, bring me some cake!

Jugger: Kindle eats... too much. Kindle will be...fat...

Dialogue

Flak: Hey! Orange Star dogs! Can you hear me?

Black Hole Soldier: Um... Lord Flak... the microphone?

Flak: Shut up! Too complicated!
Olaf: Who am I, you ask? Throughout Orange Star I was known as...

Andy: Nell's papa?

Olaf: That's right, Nell's... What? No! That's what I get for being nice to children! No respect! Grrr... You just watch yourself, little boy!

Quoternity