Army of Darkness Quotations

Army of Darkness is a 1992 film about a man who is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., where he must battle an army of the dead and retrieve the Necronomicon so he can return home. It is a sequel to The Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2.

Directed by Sam Raimi. Written by Sam Raimi and Ivan Raimi.

Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.taglines

Ash

My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this. I had a normal life once. [now Ash is in a flashback] Hardware, aisle twelve. Shop smart: shop S-Mart! [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda. [Flashback: Ash and Linda at the cabin] Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon ex Mortis, The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams] It took Linda, and then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. [Ash is seen cutting off his hand] But that didn't stop it, so it came back. Big time. [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake! How do you stop it?

All right, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my boomstick! - [continuing nonchalantly] - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart: shop S-Mart... You got that?

Dialogue

Duke Henry: You're not one of my vassals... who are you?

Ash: Who wants to know?

Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red, Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northland and leader of its peoples.

Ash: Well, hello, Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you, pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.

Ash: Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.

Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?

Ash: Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.

Possessed Sheila: You found me beautiful once...

Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!

Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?

Ash: Yeah, basically.

Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?

Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

Ash: What are you? Are you me?

Evil Ash: What are do? Are you me? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk!

Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh?

Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! [begins to sucker-punch Ash] Little goody TWO-SHOES! Little goody TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE! [honks] LITTLE GOODY TWO-SHOES! HEHEHE.

[from Director's Cut]

Ash: [cocks shotgun, points it under Evil Ash's nose and fires] I'm not that good.

[from the Theatrical Cut]

Ash: Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun. [fires shotgun]

Taglines

Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas

1 Man, 1 Million dead, The odds are just about even.

They move. They breathe. They suck.

Sound the trumpets, Raise the drawbridge, and drop the Oldsmobile

How can you destroy an army that's already dead?

In an age of darkness. At a time of evil. When the world needed a hero. What it got was him.

Cast

Bruce Campbell - Ashley J. "Ash" Williams
Embeth Davidtz - Sheila
Marcus Gilbert - Lord Arthur
Ian Abercrombie - Wiseman
Richard Grove - Duke Henry the Red
Timothy Patrick Quill - Blacksmith
Michael Earl Reid - Gold Tooth
Bridget Fonda - Linda
Patricia Tallman - Possessed Witch
Ted Raimi - Cowardly Warrior/Second Supportive Villager/S-Mart Clerk

Quoternity