Batman (1989 film) Quotations

Batman is a 1989 film about the caped crusader's fight against his arch-nemesis, the Joker.

Directed by: Tim Burton. Written by Sam Hamm and Warren Skaaren, based upon characters created by Bob Kane.

Jack Napier/The Joker

Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier somewhere else.

[During his first encounter with Batman] Nice outfit.

Do I look like I'm joking?

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? I always ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound of it.

Batman...Batman! Can somebody tell me what kind of a world do we live in, where a man dressed as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!

I have given a name to my pain... and it is Batman. [shoots the TV in which he is watching]

Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.

"Winged freak terrorizes"? Wait 'til they get a load of me!

[before shooting Grissom] Jack? Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me...Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.

[In response to Rotelli's refusal to accept his proposal] Well, Tony. Nobody wants a war. If we can't do business. Why, we'll just shake hands and that'll be it. [proceeds to electrocute Rotelli with a lethally electric joy buzzer]

Antoine got a little hot under the collar. [laughs]

Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

[to Bob, imitating Grissom] And Bob? Remember... you...are my number one... guy!

[To Rotelli's smoking corpse] You are a vicious bastard, Rottelli. [strangles him] And I'm glad you're dead!

I saw it! I was there. I saw it all. He reached up with his dead hand and he signed it in his own blood. ...and he did it with this pen. Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check.

The pen...is truly mightier than the sword!

New, improved Joker products with a new secret ingredient: Smilex.

That luscious tan, those ruby lips, and hair color so natural, only your undertaker knows for sure. I know what you're saying: where could I find these brand, new item? That's the gag. Chances are, you bought them already!

So, remember, put on a happy face!

[to Goons] Gentlemen! Let's broaden our minds.

I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.

Where does he get all those wonderful toys?

I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep. [laughs]

You can never make omelettes without breaking some eggs

Never rub another man's rhubarb!

Tell me something, my friend. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Joker here. Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true, under that fiend Boss Grissom. He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge.

Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a killer. I am an artist. I love a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival!

At midnight, I will dump twenty million in cash on the crowd. Now don't worry about me, I've got enough.

[to Batman] I have taken off my makeup. Now let's see if you can take off yours.

And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? He's at home, washin' his tights!

Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you've got to go, go with a smile!

My balloons. Those are my balloons. HE STOLE MY BALLOONS! Why didn't anyone tell me he had one of those... things?! Bob, gun. [Bob hands him a gun, Joker shoots him] I'm gonna need a minute or two alone, boys.

Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch. Come to me, come on!

[Courting Vicki Vale] It's as though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.

[Referring to Batman] Why can't he just stay dead?

[Puts on glasses] You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? Huh? [Batman punches him]

[to the gargoyle] What are you laughin' at?!

[Visiting Vicki Vale's apartment] Nice place... lots of... space.

[His last words] Sometimes I just kill myself!

[To Batman] You IDIOT! You made me! Remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals! That wasn't easy to get over! And don't think that I didn't try.

Can it truly be said that I have a bat in my belfry?

[to Vicki Vale] You know, without you, I just couldn't go on... [puts his gun to his head - it is a fake - Vicky screams, he laughs]

[in the commercial] He's been using Brand X...

[to Bob] You must possess strength to inflict pain, Bob. We've got a flying mouse to kill, and I wanna clean my claws.

[to Vicki] Darling, I've gotta get you to the church on time.

[to Batman] I was just a kid when I killed your parents. I mean I made you, you made me - how childish can you get?

Batman/Bruce Wayne

I'm Batman.

It's not exactly a normal world, is it?

[moments before punching the Joker in the face] Excuse me. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

You're a very nice girl, and I like you very much. But, right now, shut up!

[after holding Vicki Vale while ascending, who says she weighs 108 pounds] You weigh a little more than 108.

[whispering as Wayne to the Joker] I know who you are.

[yelling in anger] You wanna' get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts!

[Confronting Joker] I made you, you made me first.

[Visiting Vicki Vale's apartment] Nice place... lots of... space.

Others

Grissom: Jack, it's an important job. I need someone I can trust. You.. are my number one.. guy!

Rotelli: Yeah.. and what's with that stupid grin?

Alexander Knox: Lieutenant, is there a six-foot bat in Gotham City? And, if so, is he on the police payroll? And, if so, what's he pulling down, after taxes?

Alexander Knox: [upon seeing a strange, wooden suit of armor in Wayne's display hall] Check this out! He must have been "King of the Wicker People!"

Lieutenant Eckhardt: Sorry Knox. These two slipped on a banana peel.

Dialogue

Alexander Knox: You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say...

Lieutenant Eckhardt: And I say you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.

Alicia: You look fine.

Jack Napier: I didn't ask.

[Vicki sits down while Bruce stands, nervous. He wants to tell her something, but he's not sure how to say it]

Bruce Wayne: You know my life is really complex. You know how a normal person gets up... and goes downstairs and... eats breakfast... kisses somebody goodbye [Bruce stares off in the distance, but his arms move as if to kiss someone goodbye], and... goes to a job... [He makes a pushing motion with his hands, as if someone going out a door] and... [hrmmph] ...you know?

Vicki Vale: No.

Vicki: Some people say that you're as dangerous as the Joker.

Batman: He's psychotic.

Vicki: There are some people who say the same thing about you.

Batman: What people?

Vicki: Well let's face it, you're not exactly..."normal" are you?

Batman: It's not exactly a "normal" world, is it?

[Knox and Vicki have found Wayne's display room]

Alexander Knox: Remember: the more they have, the less they're worth.

Vicki Vale: Then he must be the most worthless guy in America.

[Knox, Wayne, and Vicki are looking at a strange suit of armor]

Bruce Wayne: It's Japanese.

Alexander Knox: How do you know?

Bruce Wayne: Because I bought it in Japan.

Boss Carl Grissom: Is that you sugar bumps? [turns around to see Joker in the doorway] Who the hell are you?

Joker: It's me. "Sugar bumps".

Grissom: Jack? Oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you been...

Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A WOMAN!!! You must be insane. [Laughs]

[Grissom reaches for a gun]

Joker:[Pulls out gun] Don't bother.

Grissom: Your life won't be worth SPIT!

Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as...therapy. [Steps forward]

Grissom: Jack, listen...maybe we can cut a deal.

Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me... [Steps into the light to reveal his gruesome grin] Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier. [Laughs]

The Joker: So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground. Any questions?

Gangster: Why aren't we hearing this from Grissom?

Tony: Yeah, and what's with that stupid grin?

The Joker: Life's been good to me.

Vicki Vale: What do you want?

The Joker: My face on the one dollar bill.

Vicki Vale: You must be joking.

The Joker: Do I look like I'm joking?

Vicki Vale: What do you want?

The Joker: Oh, little song, little dance. Batman's head on a lance.

Nic: Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man! Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man!!

Batman: I'm not gonna kill you. I'd like you to do me a favor. I'd like you to tell all your friends about me.

Nic: What are you?!

Batman: I'm Batman.

Harvey Dent: We've received a letter from Batman this morning. "Please inform the citizens of Gotham that Gotham City has earned a rest from crime. But if the forces of evil should rise again to cast a shadow on the heart of the city, call me."

Alexander Knox: Question: How do we call him?

Commissioner Gordon: He gave us a signal!

Batman: I'm gonna kill you!

Joker: You idiot! You made me, remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try!

Batman: I know you did. [Punches Joker in the stomach]

Joker: Have you shipped a million of those things?!

Scientist at Axis Chemical Factory: Yes, sir.

Joker: Ship 'em all! We're gonna take 'em out a whole new door!

Anchorwoman: Six new deaths, with no clues to the Joker's deadly weapon.

Anchorman: And what is the pattern? Food, alcohol, or beauty and hygiene product? Cologne, mouthwash, underarm deodorant?

Anchorwoman: Or worse yet, there may be no pattern. The search goes on through Gotham's shopping nightmare.

Batman: Get in the car.

Vicki Vale: Which one?

Bruce: I know who you are. Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack. Mean kid, bad seed, hurt people.

Joker: I like him already. [Laughs]

Bruce: You know what the problem was? He got sloppy, then crazy. He started to lose it. He had a head full of bad wiring, I guess. Couldn't keep him straight up here. He was a kind of guy who couldn't hear a train until it was two feet from him. You know what happens now, Jack? Well, he made mistakes and he ended WITH HIS LIGHTS OUT!! YOU WANNA GET NUTS?!! COME ON, LET'S GET NUTS!!

Joker: Tell me something, my friend. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Bruce: What?

Joker: I always ask that to all my prey. I just like the sound of it.

[Joker shoots Bruce, Vicki screams but Bob silences her]

Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb. [Laughs] Why has it that everytime we get some company, somebody always gets in the way.

Bruce: What's on your mind, Alfred?

Alfred: I have no wish to spend my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.

Knox: [Trying to interview the Mayor at the Benefit] Your Honor, great suit!

Mayor: No comment.

Cast

Michael Keaton - Batman/Bruce Wayne
Jack Nicholson - Joker/Jack Napier
Kim Basinger - Vicki Vale
Robert Wuhl - Alexander Knox
Pat Hingle - Commissioner James Gordon
Billy Dee Williams - Harvey Dent
Michael Gough - Alfred Pennyworth
Jack Palance - Carl Grissom
Jerry Hall - Alicia Grissom
Tracey Walter - Bob the Goon
Lee Wallace - The Mayor
William Hootkins - Lt. Eckhardt

Quoternity