Battle of Palan Quotations

Home Alone is a 1990 film about a boy named Kevin McCallister (played by the rising child star Macaulay Culkin), who is accidentally left at home for the holidays while the rest of his family goes to Paris. He must then protect his house from two intruders that have gone on a breaking and entering spree through the neighborhood.

Directed by Chris Columbus. Written by John Hughes

Kevin McCallister

This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!

[in his mind] I wish they would all just disappear.

I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult-formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape. [applies aftershave] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.

Dialogue

Kevin: I made my family disappear!

[Kevin has a flashback to what his family told him the night before.]

Megan: Kevin, you're completely helpless.

Linnie: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompétents.

Buzz: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.

Jeff: Kevin, you are such a disease!

Kate: There are 15 people in this house, and you're the only one who has to make trouble.

Frank: Look what you did, you little jerk!

Kevin: [smiles] I made my family disappear.

Kevin: Everyone in this family hates me.

Kate: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.

Kevin: I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck!

Kate: Just stay up there. I don't wanna see you again for the rest of the night.

Kevin: I don't wanna see you again for the rest of my whole life. I don't wanna see anybody else, either.

Kate: I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.

Kevin: No, I wouldn't.

Kate: Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.

Kevin: I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!

[he runs upstairs in a huff, and Kate closes the door]

Kevin: I'm down here, you big horse's ass! Come and get me before I call the police!

Marv: Let's get him!

Harry: Wait! Wait. That's just what he wants us to do. Us to go back downstairs through his funhouse so we can get all tore up!

Marv: He's gonna call the cops!

Harry: He's not callin' 'em. From a treehouse?

Marv: [after outsmarting Kevin] What are we gonna do to him, Harry?

Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us. We're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch.

Marv: And smash his face with an iron!

Harry: Slap him right in the face with a paint can, maybe.

Marv: Or shove a nail through his foot!

Harry: First thing I wanna do is bite off every one of these fingers, one at a time.

[The pizza boy knocks on the door]

Johnny: Who is it?

Pizza Boy: It's Little Nero, sir. I have your pizza.

Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.

Pizza Boy: Okay. [puts down the pizza] Well, what about the money?

Johnny: What money?

Pizza Boy: Well, you'll hafta pay for your pizza, sir.

Johnny: How much do I owe you?

Pizza Boy: Uh, that'll be $11.80, sir.

[Kevin slips $12 through the hatch; the pizza boy takes it]

Johnny: Keep the change, ya filthy animal.

Pizza Boy: Cheapskate.

Johnny: Hey! I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full o' lead! 1, 2, 10! [starts firing his Tommy Gun while laughing maniacally as the Pizza Boy dodges and leaves the house]

Kevin: [comes out from the door and grabs the box] A lovely cheese pizza just for me!

Taglines

A Family Comedy Without The Family.
When Kevin's Family Left For Vacation, They Forgot One Minor Detail: Kevin. But Don't Worry... He Cooks. He Cleans. He Kicks Some Butt.
This Non-Family Comedy is a Real Scream.

Cast

Macaulay Culkin - Kevin McCallister
Joe Pesci - Harry Lime
Daniel Stern - Marv Merchants
Catherine O'Hara - Kate McCallister
John Heard - Peter McCallister
Gerry Bamman - Frank McCallister
Devin Ratray - Buzz McCallister
Angela Goethals - Linnie McCallister
Hillary Wolf - Megan McCallister
Michael Maronna - Jeff McCallister

Quoternity