Bedknobs and Broomsticks Quotations

Bedknobs and Broomsticks is a 1971 film from Walt Disney Pictures, starring Angela Lansbury and David Tomlinson.

Miss Price

Children and I don't get on.
[reading from Professor Browne's letter] "Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise."
Victory for England, and St. George!
You see, Colonel, things are not always what they seem to be.
[after turning the lion into a rabbit] Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work.

Mr. Browne

[Mr. Browne takes the Star of Astoroth.] I'll keep it. Women always lose things.
[An old man is playing dreary music on a piano which he is selling.]
Oh, Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you?
[Mr. Browne is approached by two scantily-clad dancers who take him by either arm.]
Lovely to see you—goodbye!
The college, alas, is now defunct.
Will you please get this child off my leg?
Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.
It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?

...

Stallkeeper: The snippers that clipped old King Edward's cigars.

Mr. Browne: Made in Hong Kong—two bob a dozen, I'd say.

Other

Bookman: Close your mouth, Swinburne!

Mrs. Hobday: Another package from Professor Emelius Browne in London. He sent you a cat last time, did he not?

Charlie: Knock his block off!

Dialogue

[A British army officer's car stops at a junction on a country road where an elderly man is painting over signposts.]

Captain Greer: You there! Which way to Pepperinge Eye?

Elderly Man: Couldn't say, sir—said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.

Captain Greer: I'm not a Nazi, I'm a British officer!

Elderly Man: …that's what you say if you was a Nazi, isn't it sir?

[Miss Price has just arrived on an old motorbike, emitting blasts of yellow smoke. After she has gone, the two army officers begin to speak.]

Captain Greer: Who is that?

General Teagler: Miss Price—splendid woman. Her late father served with me at Vimy Ridge.

Captain Greer: What's she burning in this thing?—It smells a bit like sulphur.

General Teagler: Nonsense! One can't make a motor fuel out of sulphur!

Carrie: Who else lives here?

Miss Price: I live alone—it suits my purposes.

Miss Price: Supper is at six. You will wash, thoroughly—

Charlie: Wash?!

Miss Price: You will wash yourselves, otherwise there will be no supper, is that clear?

[Miss Price leaves the room.]

Charlie: A house of horrors, that's what we've come to.

[Charlie notices an odd bottle on a shelf in Miss Price's office.]

Charlie: Poisoned dragon's liver?!

Miss Price: Poisoned dragon's liver.

Paul: Do you poison the dragon or just the liver?

Miss Price: It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment.

Paul: Is this London?

Carrie: 'Course it is. Can't you smell that lovely sooty air?

Mr. Browne: I found the door open, the curtains closed—the house was deserted.

Miss Price: Why on earth would someone do a thing like that?

Mr. Browne: I would say this may have something to do with it… [gestures towards an unexploded bomb]

Miss Price: Merciful heavens! I should be terrified at the very idea of living here.

Mr. Browne: You would have thought so, wouldn't you? I am, by nature, a little bit of a coward—but then I pondered, as I often do: in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is probably the best friend I ever had. It has enabled me for the first time in my life to live like a king. Shall we go in?

Charlie: Why d'you keep the curtains closed?

Mr. Browne: So we can enjoy our cheese and wine in the gentle glow of candlelight.

Charlie: I bet it's so the coppers won't catch you hiding out here.

Paul: What is this—a toyshop?

Carrie: No, it's a nursery. Ain't you ever seen a nursery?

Charlie: [to Carrie] No, and neither have you.

[Miss Price is searching in Mr. Browne's library, standing on a ladder attached to a rail on the high shelves.]

Mr. Browne: What's your name?

Miss Price: [disinterestedly] Miss Price.

Mr. Browne: No—I mean your first name.

Miss Price: Eglantine.

Mr. Browne: Eglantine...Eglantine... [He pushes the ladder upon which Miss Price is standing along the rail, startling her.] Oh, how you shine!

Miss Price: [reading from the book she has found at last] Ah! "Substitutiary locomotion. The ancient art of..." [She reads for a few moments in a whisper.] Ah! Here we are: "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are—" [She pauses incredulously, and turns over the tattered leaves of the book.] ...But the rest of the book is missing!

Mr. Browne: Now you see why I closed down the college.

Mr. Browne: I will cause the bed and all its occupants to disappear.

Bookman: Disappear? I'd like to see a cheap jack entertainer do a trick like that.

Mr. Browne: Cheap jack entertainer. Now that was naughty.

[Miss Price's belongings inadvertently come to life after she recites an ancient magical spell. Mr. Browne begins to dance with a nightdress.]

Miss Price: That's my nightgown!

Mr. Browne: Is it really, my dear?

Miss Price: Yes, and I'm not responsible for its behavior.

Mr. Browne: Obviously not, my dear.

[Miss Price and the children are being held captive in her house by German soldiers.]

Miss Price: Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?

Colonel: Be quiet, please.

Miss Price: Paul, kindly fetch me my notebook from my office.

[The officers restrain Paul in much commotion. Miss Price stands up, points at the Colonel, but cannot remember the correct words to the incantation.]

Miss Price: Filigree, apogee, epigee...!

Paul: That's not a rabbit—that's Mr. Browne, that is!

Miss Price: If you are Mr. Browne, would you kindly get down off my lap?

[Carrie tries on some elaborate jewellery at a market stall and admires herself in a mirror.]

Stallkeeper: Who do you think you are, the Queen of Sheba?

Charlie: Hurt your foot, Miss Price?

Miss Price: Oh, just twisted my ankle.

Charlie: Sorry to hear that.

Miss Price: Thank you. It's nothing serious.

Charlie: Lovely weather for flying last night.

[heavy pause]

Miss Price: Why did you say that, Charles?

Charlie: [bringing out her broken broomstick] Game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are.

Quoternity