Beer

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• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
  • Dave Barry

Beer, the cause and solution to all of life's problems
Phillip

(Originally: "To alcohol! The cause of--and solution to--all of life's problems." Homer Simpson, in the episode Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment.)

• Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
  • The Buffalo Theory as explained on an episode of Cheers by Cliff Clavin to his drinking buddy, Norm Peterson

• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
  • Jack Handey an (SNL character)

• It is nice when you can sit back with some friends, drink some beer and have a good time.
  • Dave Matthews

• You can't have a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
  • Frank Zappa

• Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  • Benjamin Franklin

• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
  • Steven Wright

• Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
  • Sir Winston Churchill

• Beer, if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.
  • Thomas Jefferson

• Give me a woman who truly loves beer, and I will conquer the world.
  • Wilhelm II of Germany

• Good men drink good beer
  • Hunter S. Thompson

• I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.
  • Abraham Lincoln

• Ich sitze hier und trinke mein gutes Wittenbergisch Bier und das Reich Gottes kommt von ganz alleine
  • Translation: I sit here and drink my good Wittenberg Beer, and the Kingdom of the God comes all by itself."
    • Martin Luther

• Malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man"
  • A. E. Housman

• "We are not here to sell a parcel of boilers and vats, but the potentiality of growing rich beyond the dreams of avarice."
  • Samuel Johnson in 1781 on the sale of Henry Thrale's Anchor Brewery

• Wasser trinkt der Vierbeiner; der Mensch, der findet Bier feiner.
  • Translation: Water is drank by the four legged beast; man prefers it with hops, malts, and yeast."
    • German Trinkspruch

• "I'm sitting here completely surrounded by no beer."
  • Onslow on Keeping Up Appearances (TV show)

• Beer, Helping Ugly People Get Laid Since 1844.
  • Jake Wane-Smith

• One beer is no beer, two beers are half a beer, and three beers are one beer. But one beer is no beer!