Beerfest Quotations

Beerfest is a 2006 film about a secret international beer games competition.

Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar. Written by Jay Chandrasekhar and Kevin Heffernan.

Bring on the beer. They've got the nuts. taglines

Barry Badrinath

[Wakes up nude next to dead deer] Oh no, not again
I was in Thailand, playing Ping-Pong in Ding Dang. I was in a real high-stakes game in some opium den. Turned out the guys I was playing aren't the kind of guys who like to lose. After I beat them... they beat me. Worked me over pretty good. And this is hard to say... but they held me down... and they shoved a ping pong paddle up my ass. It's never been the same. I'm damaged goods.
Back the fuck up MANtonio! My dick!
Why don't we get you out of those wet clothes and into a Dry Martini
I wish it were winter, we could make it into ice blocks and skate on it! And then melt it in the spring time and drink it!
[Shrugs] I'm better when I'm drunk
I wish i could give you guys a discount but my pimp is a real hard ass

Landfill/Gil

God Damn Brewery!
Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath?
What's a ZJ?
We're the party brigade and we're here to play some drinking games
Real funny deutch bag
Looks like we got the Brits in round 1. We already kicked their asses in WWII. Cheer-i-o, let's do it again!
Let's get sour on some krauts!
It's fwustwating, it's fwustwating.
Jim Tobleson's a fucking Chatty Cathy! I did my three years up at the county pen. Made some friends, went Muslim. Now I'm out, praise Allah.
They brew 10,000 bottles a day, I take 45 off the assembly line and I'm the ass hole
I wanna put my dick in it!

Charlie 'Fink' Finklestein

Oh that's rich! I've got a cowboy on one side and an Indian on the other! It's like the wild west!
Hey guys... I don't think sitting on a rooftop drinking ram's piss is the way to go. We should get out there, and mix it up with some randoms.
Drunken recall. I gave my subjects massive quantities of alcohol and then I taught them things while they were blacked out. When they woke up the next morning, they couldn't remember anything. But when I got them drunk again, they remembered everything that I taught them the night before. I got it published.
I once saw him fart a plum... I was plum surprised.
I want it to put it's dick in me!
I'll show you how to chug a beer, motherfucker, you fat fuckin' cow. L'Chaim!!!!
Yeah, fuck it! Give it a rim job!

Jan Wolfhaus

Get bent, Umlaut
So you fancy yourselves drinkers eh?
You go, I'm never leaving this place
[Hungover] No need to yell...

He's got the eye of the Jew!

[To Todd about Hammacher & Schlemmer] You take the big guy,I got the little one.

Todd Wolfhaus

Gam Gam a whore? I think something must have been lost in the translation.
Loser takes a paddle up the ass!

Other Quotes

Gunter: Yeah, you Americans, why don't you go back to strip malls und drink your Zimas and Smirnoff Ices!
Rolf: It was ze greatest beer in all ze world!
Rolf: Typical Americans, this is why we don't let you in our beerfest, you get a few drinks in you und you become ze Dirty Harry.
Wolfgang Von Wolfhaus: I start to feel all cooped up in these U-boats, I had a bad experience once.
Pim Scutney: You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are.
Rog Gobshire: We're gonna put the skitters in your allen wickers, you plonker!
Great Gam Gam: I always sleep better with a little sausage in me.
Krista Krundle: [During sex with Gil] Landfill #2,you're twice the man Landfill #1 was!
Herr Referee: DAS BOOT!
Schlemmer: [To Todd and Jan during chug] I remember my first beer!
Otto: [Refering to Fink] Ja,it looks like his head is covered in pubic hair [laughs], but it's ok, it works, ja, 'cause you've got a dickface! [laughs]
Wolfgang Von Wolfhaus: [To Todd & Jan being humiliated] Here are a couple of Euros,go back, and get a BJ from your great grandma...on me.

Dialogue

Barry Badrinath: Oh man that's the most disgusting thing I've ever drank.

Phil "Landfill" Krundel: I doubt that very much, playboy.

Charlie "Fink" Finklestein: Hey guys... I don't think sitting on a rooftop drinking ram's piss is the way to go. We should get out there, and mix it up with some randoms.

Barry Badrinath: Let's get bombed!

Barry Badrinath: Hey Todd, about the old girlfriend, can we bury the hatchet, buddy?

Todd Wolfhouse: I don't know.

Barry Badrinath: I mean it was a one night stand, right? I mean she wasn't even that good looking. A real dead fish, right? She just laid there and took it like a plastic fuck doll.

Todd Wolfhouse: I happened to have MARRIED that plastic fuck doll!!!

Jan Wolfhouse: So yeah, I heard you got fired from the brewery?

Phil "Landfill" Krundel: [Gets very angry and throws trophy] God damn brewery! You know that brewery makes 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 of them off the assembly line, and I'm the asshole!

Barry Badrinath:[about Great Gam Gam] All I'm saying is... that whore thing could be a real possibility. Some of my best friends are whores.

Jan Wolfhouse: We know, Barry.

Phil "Landfill" Krundel: If he had it, why didn't he brew it?

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Hebrew?

Todd Wolfhouse: [after trying the beer recipe] What's wrong?

Jan Wolfhouse: This means Great Gam Gam really was a whore.

Todd Wolfhouse: [thinks about it for a second, then runs off covering his ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!

Barry Badrinath: was in Thailand, playing Ping-Pong in Ding Dang. I was in a real high-stakes game in some opium den. Turned out the guys I was playing aren't the kind of guys who like to lose. After I beat them... they beat me. Worked me over pretty good..... Aaaand this is hard to say... but they held me down... and they shoved a ping pong paddle up my ass. It's never been the same. I'm damaged goods.

Charlie "Fink" Finklestein: Ah geeze Barry! I don't know what I'd do if someone shoved a paddle-handle up my ass!

Barry Badrinath: It wasn't the handle! I've been shitting pancakes ever since!

Great Gam Gam: You and I are not so different Mr. Badrinath. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. But you know what I did? I got over it!

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Drunken recall. I gave my subjects massive quantities of alcohol and then I taught them things while they were blacked out. When they woke up the next morning, they couldn't remember anything. But when I got them drunk again, they remembered everything that I taught them the night before. I got it published.

Phil "Landfill" Krundel: Where?

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: In Maxim Magazine under the title: "E=MC Hammered".

Pim Scutney: You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are.

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I'm sorry, one more time?

Rog Gobshire: Shove off! We're gonna put the skitters in your Allen Whickers, you plonker!

Barry Badrinath: [Looking to Fink] Do you know what he's saying?

Barry Badrinath: [after smashing beer mug with the ping pong ball] What do you think about that, fuckhead?

Hammacher: [Takes a bite of glass from the same broken mug] What do you think about that, headfuck??

Barry Badrinath: It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ...

Phil "Landfill" Krundel: What's a ZJ?

Barry Badrinath: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I've got $4.

Gunter: He stole it und now instead of Deutschland's greatest beer we merely have fourth best behind Steinemarzen, Rottenburger, und... und...

Rolf: Und Beck's?

Gunter: Und Beck's? Ja, UND BECK'S!!

Great Gam Gam: They also drink urine of a ram.

Jan: Urine of a ram?

Great Gam Gam: Ram's piss!

Jan: Ram's Piss? Why?

Fink: For the pH balance?

Great Gam Gam: No! because if you can drinks ram's piss, fuck, you can drink just about anything!

Fink: Did you hear that? She said 'Fuck'!

Cherry: Whose drinkin' piss now?

Great Gam Gam: I was just saying that it was a tradition back in the old country.

Cherry: DAMN,thats nasty! The old country must have been fucked up!

Taglines

Bring on the beer. They've got the nuts.
Comedy on tap
From the comic geniuses who brought you the phenomenon "Super Troopers".
Brewed in 2006
Prepare for the ultimate chug of war.

Cast

Paul Soter (Jan Wolfhaus)
Erik Stolhanske (Todd Wolfhaus)
Jay Chandrasekhar (Barry Badrinath)
Kevin Heffernan (Phil "Landfill" Krundle/Gil "Landfill" Krundle)
Steve Lemme (Charlie "Fink" Finklestein)
Jürgen Prochnow (Baron Wolfgang von Wolfhausen)
Will Forte (Otto)
Eric Christian Olsen (Gunter)
Ralf Moeller (Hammacher)
Gunter Schlierkamp (Schlemmer)
Nat Faxon (Rolf)
Mo'Nique (Cherry)
Donald Sutherland (Johann Von Wolfhausen)
Cloris Leachman (Great Gam Gam)
Blanchard Ryan (Krista Krundle)
Philippe Brenninkmeyer (Herr Referee)
Candace Smith (Naomi)
Willie Nelson (Willie Nelson)

Quoternity