Bones (TV series) Quotations

Bones is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance Brennan has an uncanny ability to read clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

Pilot [1.1]

Brennan: Angela, nothing Pete and I ever did was messy.

Angela: Then you were not doing the right thing.

Brennan: [looking at the screen] What exactly am I supposed to be squinting at?

Booth: It’s like pornography; you'll know it when you see it.

Goodman: I do not view you as property, Dr. Brennan. You are one of the Jeffersonian's most valuable assets.

Zack: An asset is, by definition, property.

Goodman: What's the rule, Mr. Addy?

Zack: You only converse with PhDs. You do realize I'm halfway through two doctorates. Two halves make a whole, so mathematically speaking...

Goodman: Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy.

Booth: What are you trying to do?

Brennan: Blackmail you.

Booth: Blackmail a federal agent?

Brennan: Yes.

Booth: I don't like it.

Brennan: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to.

Booth: Fine. You're in.

Brennan: What if Booth is right? What if I'm only good with bones and lousy with people?

Angela: People like you.

Brennan: I don't care if men like me.

Angela: Okay, interesting jump from "people" to "men," but I'm sure it means nothing.

Brennan: I hate psychology. My most meaningful relationships are with dead people.

The Man in the S.U.V. [1.2]

Zack: If Smokey here had access to the president, why would he attack a café?

Brennan: "Smokey"?

Zack: It's how I deal with stress.

Hodgins: Targeting everyday places causes panic. People stay home, the economy is crippled. It's Terrorism 101, man.

Booth: We're dealing with someone here who devalues an entire culture: terrorizing people by using God to justify mass murder.

Brennan: You're making it personal. That doesn't help.

Booth: It is personal, Bones. All of us die a little bit on one like this.

Booth: Okay, what's so funny?

Brennan: I just never figured you being in a relationship.

Booth: Why? Do you think something's wrong with me?

Brennan: Not wrong. You just have alpha male attributes usually associated with a solitary existence.

Booth: What, me? You're solitary.

Brennan: No, no, I'm private.

Angela: Please, she's been sleeping alone for months! She has enough pent-up sexual energy to power a small Midwestern city.

Brennan: We'll find out who killed him, Booth. We've got Hamid's body. You can always count on the dead.

The Boy in the Tree [1.3]

Zack: She said "Take a hint." But when I asked "What hint?," Naomi said if she told me what hint, that it wouldn't be a hint any more, it would be a statement.

Booth: Ah, you know, I'm glad we had that little chat about being nice to the locals.

Brennan: I don't like sheriffs. They are elected into office, which means their goal is being re-elected, not finding the truth.

Booth: I don't... I don't like people who think they're better than other people.

Brennan: Some people are better than other people.

Booth: Uh, you know what you said right there, that is so un-American. All men are created equal; either you believe that or you don't.

Brennan: Some people are smarter than others; there's no use being offended by the fact. What are we going to tell Nestor's parents?

Booth: We tell them that their son was found dead. "We're looking into it. Sorry for your loss," and we are.

Brennan: What?

Booth: Sorry for their loss. It's sad. Try to remember that.

Brennan: Uh, I'm not a sociopath.

Booth: You're bad with people, okay. No use being offended by the fact.

Brennan: You're the least objective person I have ever met.

Booth: Thank you.

Brennan: It's not a compliment.

Zack: I had sex with Naomi in Paleontology.

Angela: You mean, actually in Paleontology?

Zack: No, at her place. I thought it went great, but I could be wrong, because apparently what I think is wild and kinky is basic. And since she never called me back, I'm wondering if it's because I lack imagination in the sack.

Angela: You know what, Zack? I’m thinking this is more of a guy-guy conversation.

The Man in the Bear [1.4]

Brennan: Residual cross section striae.

Booth: Hmm... Just because you say it in that definitive tone doesn't mean it means anything to me.

Hodgins: All I am saying is, why cut somebody into pieces?

Zack: Pack'em up tighter; maybe, say, in a suitcase.

Hodgins: How did a bear open a suitcase?

Zach: I saw a documentary once where a bear got into a car and drove away.

Hodgins: That was not a documentary. It was a cartoon.

Sherman: Did you ever hear of the bone gatherers, collecting bones so that the dead can make their journey to the next world?

Brennan: Not even sure I believe in the next world.

Sherman: Doesn't matter what you believe in. You're a bone gatherer. That's a good thing, helping the spirits move on.

Brennan: Thank you. It's probably the best job description I will ever get.

Angela: The skin in the scat has a sun on it.

Sheriff: What is that, a haiku?

Booth: It's a tattoo.

Angela: Did you work all night?

Hodgins: Yes, I shaved the truffle.

Angela: Is that anything like spanking the monkey?

Hodgins: I found boring dust.

Angela: Is there any other kind?

Hodgins: Boring dust is produced by beetles, which means the tree the truffle grew on was infested.

Zack: That's not going to impress Toni.

Hodgins: That's not why I did it. I did it to serve justice and capture a murderous cannibal.

Angela: That'll impress the hot courier.

Hodgins: I am back in the game.

A Boy In a Bush [1.5]

Cop: You mind if I make an observation?

Brennan: No, of course not.

Cop: In your book, the cops come off as very one-dimensional. Why is that?

Brennan: You mean two-dimensional.

Zack: One-dimensionality exists only in theory as a mathematical value.

Cop: O-kay. Really looking forward to your next book.

Dr. Goodman: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated it. It's a subpoena, a Grand Jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril.

Brennan: You're not going to fire us if we don't go.

Dr. Goodman: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spots to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride.

Zach: The shuttle smells like feet.

Zach: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on.

Brennan: That's a valid observation, Zach, but it's not helpful to the investigation.

Zach: Sorry, Dr. Brennan.

Brennan: I was at Waco. Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire, seventeen of them.

Zach: So you're saying I'll get used to it?

Brennan: No, I'm saying you will never get used to it. We're primates, social creatures. It's coded into our DNA to protect our young, even from each other.

Zach: So I'm always going to feel terrible?

Brennan: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box.

Zach: I'm not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan.

Brennan: Focus on the details.

Zach: Details, yeah. I can do that.

Brennan: I'm afraid Angela might quit.

Booth: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long.

Brennan: Why?

Booth: Well, because she's human. I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know, Angela didn't get the same training the rest of you got on Planet Vulcan.

Brennan: Do you remember me, Sean?

Sean Cook: You're the museum lady, the one who's so smart.

Brennan: Yeah, I'm pretty smart.

Attorney: [sarcastically] And modest.

Booth: Oh, believe me, she is being modest.

The Man in the Wall [1.6]

Angela: TGIF? You've heard of that?

Brennan: Yeah, it's some kind of acronym, but my inbox is full.

Angela: We know that's not true.

Brennan: A student needs help identifying some remains, and there's a TV show that needs research. Not that they listen.

Angela: We're going.

Brennan: I really should catalog that skull. It's in the museum's exhibit on the French Revolution.

Angela: Yeah, Pepe le Pew is more important than booze and boys.

Brennan: I don't think that's his name.

Angela: We are so gonna tear it up tonight!

Brennan: That's slang, right?

Angela: Right.

Brennan: Do you ever go on vacation?

Zack: I take my vacation when you take your vacation.

Brennan: What do you do?

Zack: Go back home to Michigan, see the family. I have three brothers and four sisters.

Brennan: Do you enjoy that?

Zack: God, no. I made the mistake of telling them I work with corpses and skeletons. They think I'm a freak.

Brennan: Then why do you go?

Zack: They're my family... They love me.

Hall: I've been investigated for years. Why do you think they never got me on anything?

Booth: Because you’re so smart?

Hall: Because Terrence Baskin is my past. I'm one hundred percent clean now. This is my life now. This and my record label, not crystal meth... not gang-banging.

Brennan: Yet much of the iconic quality of urban music lies in the perceived or actual rivalry between the principal artists.

Hall: Where did you find her?

Booth: Museum.

Booth: Randall Hall, he’s behind this. Randall Hall, okay? He killed these two people. We know it, he did it. We just can't touch him and there’s no evidence linking him to the drugs, the cash or either body except for a couple of damn bone dimples.

Brennan: I'll keep looking at the remains, maybe find the evidence we need.

Booth: I can't let it stand.

Brennan: What?

Booth: You know what? I'm going to spread the pain. All right, that's my new motto.

[Booth turns and leaves. Brennan chases behind him.]

Brennan: Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait!

A Man on Death Row [1.7]

Booth: [filling out a gun permit form with Brennan] Name?

Brennan: You know my name.

Booth: Bones, you are making an official request to the FBI to be allowed to carry a gun. I have to follow protocol.

Brennan: Bureaucratic nonsense.

Booth: Fine, then. We're done here. You wanna get some coffee?

Brennan: My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan.

Booth: Reason for wanting a gun?

Brennan: To shoot people.

Booth: Not a good answer.

Brennan: It's the truth.

Booth: You know what? I'm putting, "Self defense in performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to the FBI."

Brennan: So that I can shoot them.

Booth: Ever been charged with a felony?

Brennan: Charged or convicted?

Booth: Charged.

Brennan: You know I have.

Booth: Name of the arresting officer?

Brennan: You. Special Agent Seeley Booth. You need me to spell that for you?

Booth: I think I can sound it out.

Angela: You sure you don't wanna come? Troy can call a friend.

Brennan: [looking at bones] I've been waiting months for these. It's a partial skeleton from southern France. It's—

Angela: You know, the whole point of the week is the weekend. This is not the cabaret, my friend. Life is the cabaret. Come to the cabaret. [Brennan gives her a blank stare.] It's like describing the moon to a mole.

Zach: I can't drive.

Booth: You’re a genius who can’t drive?

Zach: If you knew what I know about structural design, you wouldn’t drive either.

Angela: Look at this guy. He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy.

Brennan: There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being.

Booth: Very poetic.

Brennan: No, very literal. We all share DNA. When I look at a bone, it's not some artifact that I can separate from myself. It's a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don't care who it is.

The Girl in the Fridge [1.8]

Zack: [excitedly] The Anthropology Journal is publishing our piece on the evolution of the Coronals suture.

Brennan: Worthy interruption.

[Zach offers his fist to Brennan, who looks confused.]

Zack: You're supposed to bump my fist with yours.

Brennan: Why?

Zack: I'm told it's a widely acknowledged gesture of mutual success. [puts his fist down]

Angela: I love it when you two impersonate earthlings.

Brennan: So why are you here?

Michael: George Washington University wants to talk to me about heading their Anthropology department.

Brennan: They'd be lucky to get you.

Michael: I assume they tried you first.

Brennan: I already had a job.

Brennan: Not tonight. I have a dinner.

Booth:: What? Wow. I just assumed that the two of you would be eating off an autopsy table.

Hodgins: Using a refrigerator to hide a body... kinda perfect, isn't it?

Zack: A good way to remove the victim without being detected. The rubber gaskets seal in the odor.

Angela: Maybe the company should use that in their ads.

Brennan: How I feel doesn't matter. My job doesn't depend on it.

Levitt: But it's informed by it. Are you as cold and unfeeling as you seem?

Brennan: I see a face on every skull. I can look at their bones and tell you how they walked, where they hurt. Maggie Schilling is real to me. The pain she suffered was real. Her hip was being eaten away by infection from lying on her side. Sure, like Dr. Stires said, the disease could contribute to that if you take it out of context; but you can’t break Maggie Schilling down into little pieces. She was a whole person who fought to free herself. Her wrists were broken from struggling against the handcuffs. The bones in her ankles were ground together because her feet were tied. And her side, her hip and her shoulder were being eaten away by infection. And the more she struggled, the more pain she was in. So they gave her those drugs to keep her quiet. They gave her so much it killed her. These facts can't be ignored or dismissed because you think I'm boring or obnoxious, because I don't matter. What I feel doesn’t matter. Only she matters; only Maggie.

The Man in the Fallout Shelter [1.9]

Brennan: I thought that you were at the party.

Booth: Oh, that wasn't a party. That was a Star Wars convention.

Angela: It's all so tragic. A cheap wedding ring sewn into his suit. Two tickets to Paris. It makes you wonder, who was the girl? Can you imagine what it was like for her, waiting and wondering, never knowing what happened?

Brennan: I don't have to imagine.

Booth: You don't seem too upset about missing Christmas.

Brennan: Indications are that Christ, if he existed, was born in late spring, and the celebration of his birth was shifted to coincide with the pagan rite of the winter solstice so that early Christians weren’t persecuted.

Booth: What are you, like, the Christmas killer?

Brennan: It's the truth.

Booth: No, it sounds like the truth because it's so rational, right? But the... you know, the true truth is you hate Christmas, so you just spout out all these facts and you ruin it for everyone else.

Brennan: I ruin the true truth with facts?

Brennan: Anthropologically speaking, gifts are a way of asserting dominance in a group. Now imagine an entire holiday devoted to self-promotion, especially in this materialistic culture. How can you expect me to get behind that? How can you get behind that?

Booth: Wow, that's... that's deep. It’s a very deep pile of crap.

Brennan: You came to me with information this morning, a peace offering. But it was to make you feel better, not me. Proves my point.

Booth: Okay, could we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Some people believe it's more than just a myth.

Brennan: Well, who besides you?

Dr. Goodman: That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church.

Angela: I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway.

Hodgins: Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, it doesn’t mean God doesn't love me.

Zack: Hey, I'm a rational empiricist all the way, unless you talk to my mother. Then I'm Lutheran.

The Woman at the Airport [1.10]

Brennan: X-rays, pictures: we're going to do this without touching the actual skeleton as much as possible.

Zack: Kid gloves?

Brennan: Latex should be all right... Zack, were you being metaphoric?

Zack: I decided to give it a shot. Which is also metaphoric.

Brennan: I can't go to Los Angeles. I have an Iron Age warrior to authenticate.

Booth: Iron Age warrior? When was the Iron Age?

Brennan: Fifteen hundred years ago.

Booth: Fresh body bits; just a little more urgent.

Brennan: You do realize there are a lot more fresh bodies than there are perfect specimens from the Iron Age?

Booth: You know, when you say things like that, it's just to bug me, right?

Dr. Goodman: His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well-used. He's old for a warrior. Yet how did he die, Mr. Addy?

Zack: Looks like tuberculosis.

Dr. Goodman: A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted. Yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.

Hodgins: Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.

Kostov: You have the most beautiful bone structure.

Brennan: I can't take credit. It's genetic.

Zack: This is the type of situation where people say, "Oh, my God."

Hodgins: Pretend you're a person and say it.

Zack: Oh, my God.

The Woman in the Car [1.11]

Stacy: Um, Dr. Brennan, your book has sold over three hundred thousand copies. How do you juggle twin careers as a best-selling author and crime-fighting scientist?

Brennan: Well, I do one, then the other.

Pickering: Didn't I see you on television this morning, Dr. Brennan?

Brennan: How could I possibly know what you watched on television?

Pickering: Yes, that was her.

Dr. Goodman: Perhaps you should work your way up to Dr. Brennan.

Pickering: When was the last time you saw your husband?

Angela: My husband?

Pickering: Yes.

Angela: [surprised] Oh. [laughs] Oh. [chuckles] Wow, you mean that actually took? Really, it didn’t seem legal. We were in Fiji. You know, there was a fire dance. You know how those things can be, right?

Pickering: I really don't, Miss Montenegro.

Pickering: What I need to do here is to establish that you are not a threat to the security of this country.

Zack: I'm getting a degree in Forensic Anthropology; I'm halfway through another in Engineering. What are you afraid I will do? Build a race of criminal robots that will destroy the earth?

Pickering: Do you have that kind of fantasy often?

Zack: Very often.

Pickering: Does it concern you that such adolescent thoughts are a sign of emotional retardation?

Zack: I've been told. I'm working on it.

Pickering: Can you understand why that concerns us?

Zack: Not really.

Pickering: Can you tell me what you were doing in Cuba?

Brennan: Only if you tell me first.

Pickering: I beg your pardon?

Brennan: I don't know your security clearance.

Pickering: Well, what is your security clearance?

Brennan: You should check with the State Department.

Pickering: I'm from the State Department.

Brennan: Then that should make it easy for you.

Pickering: When you were in Cuba, did you meet with a man called [consults notebook] Juan Guzman?

Brennan: [holds up finger, dials a number from memory] This is Dr. Brennan at the Jeffersonian; you told me to call you if anyone ever asked about...him. [In response to question] Someone from the State Department, an Agent Pickering. [she hands the phone to Pickering]

Pickering: [picks up phone, annoyed] Pickering. Yes, yes, I understand. [hands the phone back to Brennan to hang up, looks shocked]

Brennan: Any other questions?

Pickering: No. No, the review has been canceled. I've been ordered to wait here until someone comes to destroy my notes.

The Superhero in the Alley [1.12]

Booth: No, you don't have to solve the whole case. Just tell me if I'm looking at a murder. Maybe, you know, pull a quick I.D.?

Brennan: Don't use your charm smile on me.

Booth: What? It's a mark of respect. That's all.

[Booth and Brennan are looking through the room of a teenage murder victim.]

Booth: Unbelievable. [sighs and goes over to pick up some comic books] This is quite the collection of comic books.

Brennan: Hodgins said that the cellulose mass was a graphic novel. He sent it to Angela for analysis and recovery.

Booth: Sweet.

Brennan: Sweet?

Booth: Ah, he has Batman #127, featuring The Hammer of the Thor. This is worth about three hundred bucks.

Brennan: Booth, are you a nerd?

Booth: First of all, you mean geek. And no, I'm not, okay? It's quite normal for an American male to read comic books.

Brennan: I find it hard to believe you have anything in common with Warren Granger.

Booth: Oh, you mean isolated, with an inner secret life? No, okay. I'd say you were more like Warren.

Goodman: All writers reveal more of themselves than they intend on their page.

Booth: You know, I've gotta tell you, I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.

Brennan: [to Goodman] With all due respect, my writing, for example, is pure fiction.

Goodman: Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your worldview in your writing than you realize.

Brennan: Such as?

Goodman: Such as, archeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.

Angela: Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.

Booth: Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.

Brennan: You said before that Warren reminded you of me. You think I'm just like him, that he hid from life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he fought crime. And I do the same thing, only I don't have superpowers. I... I have science.

Booth: No, Bones. You do fight crime. It's not a fantasy. As far as any normal person is concerned, you do have superpowers.

Brennan: You're just saying that to me.

Booth: No, I don't do that.

Brennan: Yes, you do. You lied to Warren Granger's mother to make her feel better. That seems to be your superpower.

Booth: Well, in your book, your partner's a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life, you got me.

Brennan: So what you're saying is that reality falls far, far short of the fictional.

Booth: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Bones.

The Woman in the Garden [1.13]

Brennan: I read a book about improving work relationships. It's not fair to expect you to tell me everything.

Booth: I appreciate the effort, Bones.

Booth: Great. Now he's ignoring us in two languages.

Hodgins: Typically, gravediggers are necrophiliacs looking for a little action.

Hodgins: Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?

Brennan: You can't arm Hodgins and not me.

Booth: What is it with you people and guns?

Booth: You put a hit out on my partner?

Ortez: She's not FBI.

Booth: [punches him in the face, grabs him and points his gun right at his throat] I never said anything about the FBI. She's my partner, see. And if anything happens to her, I will find you and I will kill you. I won't think twice. Come here, look in my eyes. [pushes barrel of the gun into his mouth and cocks it] Look at my face. If anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me, and nobody sees, nobody knows.

The Man in the Fairway [1.14]

Zack: This is the third time in a row we've investigated without Booth. I don't like it.

Brennan: Why? He mostly ignores you.

Zack: Ignoring me is Booth's way of acknowledging my presence. It's a guy thing.

Brennan: Not to mention three bone fragments which were not on the plane.

Dr. Goodman: Is there any chance those bone fragments were on the plane?

Angela: What, you mean as carry-on luggage?

Brennan: Assume the victim was frozen solid when he was fed into the chipper.

Zack: No way!

Booth: [to Brennan] The correct response would be "yes way."

Brennan: Oh. [to Zack] Yes way.

Brennan: I feel like kicking him.

Booth: That's normal after a pursuit. We try not to do that.

Booth: Hey, you know, your people are my people.

Brennan: What? I have people? Hey, I have people.

Two Bodies in the Lab [1.15]

Hodgins:: I'm doing the fecal flotation right now... Wow, don't get to say that a lot.

[Booth is looking at Brennan's music collection.]

Booth:: Tibetan throat singers... Rock on, Bones.

Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?

Brennan: Yes.

Booth: You're sure?

Brennan: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough and I was very annoying.

Angela: Let's talk revenge, bloodlust.

Brennan: The cathartic release we are looking for can only be achieved when we successfully gather enough evidence to neutralize the person or persons responsible for putting Booth in the hospital.

Zack: Neutralize can mean either kill or arrest?

Brennan: Yes, it can mean either.

Hodgins: This conspiracy thing is a lot more intense when you're in the middle of it.

The Woman in the Tunnel [1.16]

Booth: Bones, I mean, you do realize that you are discussing motive right now? Psychology, not hard evidence.

Brennan: It won't happen again.

Brennan: You're nervous.

Angela: I'm not nervous. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to crazy people unless I'm dating them.

Brennan: Can I just have a gun at least until they get here?

Booth: It's not for shooting rats, it's for psychos with climbing axes.

Booth: Bones, give me your gun. Take the restraints out of my belt and put 'em on Kyle. [Bones puts her gun in Booth's pants pocket]

Booth: That's not cocked, is it? Because where that's pointed...

Brennan: You're safe.

Booth: Kyle hit the Duke with the candlestick in the crypt.

Goodman: That's very good! Very good. [laughs]

Booth: Right. [laughs]

Brennan: What? What’s the joke?

Booth: Clue?

Brennan: What clue? [Booth and Goodman laugh] What clue?

Booth: Unbelievable, Bones.

Angela: What's funny?

Brennan: I have no idea.

The Skull in the Desert [1.17]

Brennan: It took all of my charm—

Booth: All of your charm? Oh boy—

Brennan: Just to get the sheriff to let me look at the skull. When I asked him to let me send the skull to the Jeffersonian, he told me I am not a cop and I don't have any jurisdiction.

Booth: Which is true. Okay, look, what do you want me to do?

Brennan: I want you to get federal on his ass.

Booth: [smiles] Oh!

Booth: I'm touring the hottest places in the universe. Next stop... Hell.

Brennan: Wait outside while I get dressed.

Booth: No. Unh-uh. The sun's been up for an hour out there. It's already the surface of Mercury. I can stand here, close my eyes, eat my doughnuts. Best I can do. Okay.

[Booth, Bones and Angela are stranded in the desert after the sheriff goes to look for his sister.]

Booth: Did either of you bring any water? [The girls show him their small water bottles.]

Angela: Why?

Bones: Because we are way past where Jesus lost his sandals.

Brennan: Obviously you subconsciously sifted through the rational facts of the case and processed the most likely scenario.

Angela: I'm sure that's it.

Booth: Yeah, what else could it be?

Angela: It's the only rational explanation.

Brennan: Wait — are you guys making fun of me?

The Man with the Bone [1.18]

Brennan: Why do the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?

Booth: Don't be such a snob, Bones, okay? Not everyone gets to play in a multi-million dollar lab, you know... with skylights.

Brennan: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with death are viewed as freaks.

Brennan: F.B.I! You're all under arrest!

Booth: Come on, Bones, you don't get to say that. I'm the one with the badge.

Brennan: [to Dr. Goodman] Bones don't just disappear. I thought this was a secure facility. You assured me this was a secure facility. I could be working at Stanford, you know? This never would've happened at Stanford!

Goodman: We spend three-quarters of a million annually on security!

Brennan: Obviously that's not enough. [Booth comes in] I want my bones! Did you find my bones?

Booth: Ooh, maybe you just want to, you know, chill a little?

Brennan: Chill?

Booth: Yeah. You know, take a pill?

Brennan: Listen, dude, my lab was violated, my bones were stolen, so I think I'll remain warm for a little while longer.

Security Guard: I didn't see the harm.

Brennan: In stealing human remains?

Security Guard: After 300 years, it's not like he's got a family grieving for him out there.

Goodman: Think of me as a grieving parent.

Booth: You know, you need a better screening process down at the museum.

Goodman: Ironic, given we contract that out to the FBI.

The Man in the Morgue [1.19]

Booth: Voodoo... [laughs] Who's gonna believe that stuff?

Brennan: It's a religion. No crazier than... well, what are you?

Booth: Catholic.

Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do. And prayer. What they call spells, you call miracles. They have priests.

Booth: We don't make zombies.

Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead after three days.

Booth: Jesus is not a zombie! I shouldn't even have to tell you that.

Caroline: I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.

Brennan: Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?

Brennan: Why are you nice to me?

Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.

Brennan: What?

Booth: They burn their victim. They blow him up. They toss him in the ocean. They bury him in the desert. They throw 'em to wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by. They relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.

Brennan: I couldn't do that without you, Booth.

Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?

Brennan: I really should.

Booth: And they put a forgetting spell on her!

Brennan: Booth!

Caroline: Hey, I can work with that. This N'awlins, baby.

[The murderer starts chanting voodoo spells. Brennan steps forward and pokes him in the eye.]

Brennan: I find very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye.

The Graft in the Girl [1.20]

Booth: About a month ago, his daughter, Amy, was diagnosed with cancer. Meso—

Brennan: Mesothelioma. Lung cancer.

Booth: Exactly. So she is not doing so well, so it's a lot easier for us to come to him right now.

Brennan: Huh.

Booth: Huh what?

Brennan: Nothing. It's just — that's an extremely rare form of lung cancer. Odd for someone Amy's age to contract—

Booth: No. No no no. No probing, 'kay? Not to Cullen, not to his family. This will take five minutes. We go in there, we do the show and tell, we leave him with the case, and then we're outta there. Is that clear?

Brennan: I just think it's peculiar—

Booth: No.

Brennan: But I—

Booth: No!

Booth: How do you listen to this all day?

Brennan: I find intelligence soothing.

Booth: She hated the guy. My guess is she got 10 G's stuffed in her mattress back in Trailerville.

Booth: So, is it him?

Brennan: It's him. But here's the kickster—

Booth: Kicker, Bones. Here's the kicker.

Brennan: Oh.

The Soldier in the Grave [1.21]

Goodman: It's difficult knowing Kent will never play again. Makes the war so real.

Hodgins: Which is odd, because it was all fiction that got us there in the first place.

Goodman: So you don't think we should stand up to tyrants?

Hodgins: Sure. I've been waitin' for the press to do that for three years now.

Brennan: [imitating John Wayne] "Listen, cowboy. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."

Booth: What was that? The Duke? That was horrible. That was, like, Jerry Lewis.

Brennan: Was not.

Brennan: Now you're a mind reader?

Booth: Maybe. You want me to guess your weight?

Brennan: You do and you could loose a tooth.

Angela: Yeah. Men aren't like us. They're much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think we're the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.

Brennan: Yeah. I guess I forgot.

Hodgins: I hate to say conspiracy; but, my peeps, we've got a conspiracy.

The Woman in Limbo [1.22]

Russ Brennan: I call... every year... on your birthday. You never pick up.

Brennan: Take a hint.

Angela: Hate is easier to deal with than love, especially disappointed love.

Russ Brennan: Tempe, that theory explains why Mom never came back for you during those one and a half years before she died!

Brennan: What's your excuse, Russ?

Russ Brennan: You're the one that left me! You needed someone to blame and you chose me.

Brennan: I was fifteen years old!

Russ Brennan: I was nineteen. My parents were gone. My sister hated my guts. Everyone told me that she'd be better off in foster care.

Brennan: You didn't even ask me!

Russ Brennan: I tried, Temperance. You wouldn't talk to me. You still wouldn't talk to me if Mom's bones didn't show up. And I kept trying. Every year. Every year on your birthday. You're the one that gave up. You turned your back on me and you made yourself a new family.

Brennan: Sometimes people need to explain things to me, I guess.

Russ Brennan: You have to let them talk.

Booth: [making a toast] To us.

Russ Brennan: Whoever the hell we are.

Brennan: To what we're becoming.

The Titan on the Tracks [2.1]

Cam: Hey, Hodge-Podge, all engines reverse. First we identify beyond a shadow of a doubt. Then we get paranoid.

Hodgins: Cool. As long as paranoia's on the schedule somewhere.

Cam: You're chattering me to death because you hope I'll forget that you called me a wank-tard.

Hodgins: It's a... made-up word. No meaning.

Cam: If it happens again, I will take action. And I am from New York, which means that I will take New York action. Am I clear?

Brennan: Not at all.

Zack: I'm from Michigan.

Hodgins: Dr Saroyan means she'll make us watch musical theatre.

Brennan: Don't you have to read him his rights before you strangle him?

Booth: Yeah, Bones doesn't intimidate.

Cam: Then... what?

Booth: Have you seen the way she stares at human remains before she makes a decision?

Cam: Yes.

Booth: You're human remains and... she hasn't made a decision yet.

The Mother and Child in the Bay [2.2]

Booth: You have kids and we'll talk.

Brennan: That's a lot to ask for a little conversation.

Cam: What do you want?

Angela: George Clooney naked on a white sand beach.

Booth: Monkeys are Daddy's favorite! They're just like people!

Brennan: Actually, three million base pairs of the genome differ in protein encoding and other functional areas.

Booth: What?

Brennan: The differences between chimps and humans.

Booth: I'm talking to a four-year-old, Bones.

Booth: You want me to what?

Brennan: Stab the body for me. We need to match force with the injuries recorded on the remains.

Booth: Okay, I'm stabbing the body.

Brennan: It's a replica. We're all going to do it. You're just the closest to Kyle Richardson.

Booth: Okay, you know what? That's great. I'll be there in twenty. But in the future you just got to ask me differently, Bones, because you know what? Come over to your place to stab a body? That is just freaky.

Angela: We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love.

The Boy in the Shroud [2.3]

Hodgins: That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Zack: Romeo and Juliet, Act Two, Scene Two. The quote concerned most aptly describes the central conflict of the play. Which I totally do not understand.

Zack: I'm not used to bodies looking so much like actual human beings.

Cam: [to Hodgins] When it comes to bugs, slime, crud and compost, you're the man.

Cam: If Dr. Brennan were to leave the Jeffersonian...

Booth: [shocked] Wait..what?

Cam: If she were to quit?

Booth: The squints would flee this institution like the French Army.

Cam: And you?

Booth: I just do what I'm ordered.

Cam: No, you don't, Booth.

Booth: Look, Cam, what's up?

Cam: If I were to fire her?

Booth: [leans in close so she can see his eyes] I'm with Bones, Cam, all the way. Don't doubt it for a second.

[Hodgins enters with information about the case, after he leaves, Cam and Booth resume the conversation]

Booth: [psuedo-casually] Oh, Cam, about this case, maybe the reason you and Bones haven't been getting along is that she was a foster kid.

Cam: [gasps, realizing how her comments about foster kids must have sounded] Why didn't she tell me?

Booth: She doesn't do that. Oh, and, uh, I didn't just tell you that.

Hodgins: I found the murder weapon!

Angela: Oh, you are good.

Hodgins: You have no idea.

Zack: Are you having a moment?

Cam: Not everyone's brain works as fast as yours. I have to mull sometimes. Are... are you familiar with that concept?

Brennan: Yes. I just always thought that it was a waste of time.

The Blonde in the Game [2.4]

Brennan: I always wanted a pig.

Hodgins: Hey Angela! You look great today.

Angela: Thanks Hodgie! This is my boho rocker, artist, mid-week, take-a-deep-breath-and-pout look.

Brennan: Hodgie?

Booth: You know, if you had a pet pig, what would you name him?

Brennan: [looking at him as though the answer is obvious] Jasper.

Hodgins: I can't just guess; I have a process!

The Truth in the Lye [2.5]

Brennan: And if you’re not helpless, then why did you sleep with her?

Booth: Oh, I really don’t recall saying that I did!

Brennan: Well, you didn’t have to. I could hear it in your voice. I might as well have walked in on you having sex.

Booth: Oh, you didn't, and we weren't.

Brennan: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.

Booth: Thank you, Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities.

Brennan: Sure. Any time.

Angela: Maybe he dissolved himself so there'd be more of him to go around. I'm going to hell, aren't I?

Zack: I'm going on police business.

Hodgins: So proud. [to Cam] Wait, does he mean out? In the world?

Cam: We'll pin our phone number on his shirt.

Angela: What you thought were teeth marks, Dr. Saroyan, turned out to be Chinese characters engraved along the side.

Hodgins: What do they say?

Angela: They say, "What make foolish man think I speak Chinese?"

Hodgins: I thought you were half Chinese!

Angela: And I think you're half Swedish. Let's hear some Swedish!

The Girl in Suite 2103 [2.6]

Brennan: [to Booth] You seem uncomfortable. Does his size make you self-conscious?

Booth: Bones.

Brennan: It's a condition: skeletal dysplasia. Pseudoachondroplasia or S.E.D. congenita?

Booth: Bones!

Brennan: What?

Radswell: Dr. Brennan, I can see that you're a straightforward person. And as much as I appreciate that quality, what you're asking me is neither your business nor relevant.

Brennan: But it is my business because I’m a forensic anthropologist. But you’re right, it’s not relevant.

Booth: So maybe the bomber got caught by his own explosion.

Brennan: Her own explosion.

Booth: Wait — the bomber was a female?

Brennan: Sciatic arch. Doesn't lie.

Cam: Neither does the vagina.

Hodgins: Oh, I could kiss you.

Angela: That would require permission, which I deny.

Booth: We cheat diplomatic immunity here in DC, we catch a murderer. That's great. They do it in Upper Kamikazestan and our boys end up on a red-hot spit over a slow fire.

Brennan: There's no such place as Kamikazestan.

Brennan: Shouldn't we do something?

Booth: You kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black? It's a dream come true.

The Girl with the Curl [2.7]

Angela: Childhood should be all about swings.

Hodgins: Swings?

Angela: Yeah, you know, how high can I go? If I twist the chains, how fast will I spin?

Hodgins: Or if I try and jump off before the swing stops.

Angela: Exactly.

Hodgins: I miss that feeling.

Angela: Yeah. Me, too.

Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class. Those were good times.

Zack: I miss my first microscope.

Booth: Yeah, and I miss normal people. Can we move on?

Hodgins: Listen, Angela, we've been dancing around this for months now, like two pieces of neodymium caught in a magnetic field.

Angela: Is that good?

Hodgins: Yeah. But if the field weakens, they fly apart.

Angela: Hodgins asked me out.

Brennan: Is that why you’re hiding in here?

Angela: I'm not hiding. I need advice.

Brennan: What — on a personal matter?

Angela: Yes.

Brennan: From me?

Angela: Yes.

Brennan: But romance is sort of... This is like me asking you advice on phylogenetic systematics.

Angela: Phylogenetic systematics. I have no idea what that is.

Brennan: Exactly.

Brennan: [To a group of nine-year-olds] So yours is a cultural structure predicated in the equation of beauty with power. You instinctively align yourselves with someone who holds the greatest potential for a societal supremacy. It's a Darwinian pressure you're too young to bear.

Zack: She has very nice, symmetrical buttocks.

The Woman in the Sand [2.8]

Brennan: Oh, my God, I completely forgot! You can't be here, Booth. You're a degenerate gambler.

Booth: Former gambler, okay? Not degenerate. I've been through the program, okay? And you know he's on the move!

Brennan: What if you get a sudden urge to gamble while you're here? It's like sending an alcoholic to a distillery. Do you need to sit down?

Brennan: You said I could be a schoolteacher.

Booth: Not the spinster kind who lives with her sister, but, ya know... the hot one who makes the boys crazy.

Booth: [zipping up Brennan's slinky black dress] That's hot.

Angela: Hot? Wait a minute, what's hot?

Brennan: Ah, nothing. Vegas. Vegas... is hot. It's... very hot here.

Brennan: How does anybody actually walk in these things?

Booth: Well, ya know, them boots? They ain't made for walking, sweetheart. [slaps Brennan's butt]

Brennan: [smiles and throws her arm over Booth's shoulder] Okay, that was completely over the top.

Booth: You never told me the second reason why you bet on me.

Brennan: Well, it's silly.

Booth: No, try me.

Brennan: Beginner's luck. I haven't lost anything since I've been here. And I... I figured if I bet on you...

Booth: I couldn't lose.

Brennan: Sounds silly, right?

Booth: Sounds familiar. Thanks.

Brennan: You're welcome.

Aliens in a Spaceship [2.9]

Brennan: Do you go to church every Sunday?

Booth: Yes, I do.

Brennan: Can I come with you?

Booth: No, you can't.

Brennan: Why? Might help me understand.

Booth: I am not gonna help you disrespect God in His own house, okay? If you wanna do some kind of anthropological study, you know, turn on the Religious Channel.

Booth: God doesn't make mistakes.

Angela: Mmm, I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a great idea. [Booth nods in reluctant agreement]

Hodgins: If you haven't figured out the stun gun, then I am this week's King of the Lab, 'cause I found something huge.

Angela: You compete to be King of the Lab?

Hodgins: [embarrassed] No.

Cam: We'll go to a musical.

Booth: Talking and singing and talking and dancing and more singing? You know, if you want to stop what we're doing, just say so.

Cam: You can fantasize about pulling out your gun and shooting everyone on stage. You know you like that.

Hodgins: And if we're buried more than four feet deep?

Brennan: Then the concussion will turn our brains to jelly.

Hodgins: Well, then, we can run for Congress. So it's a win-win.

The Headless Witch in the Woods [2.10]

Booth: Cause of death?

Brennan: Well, since I can't find a skull, I'd say... his head got cut off.

Zach: My palms perspired profusely during that film.

Booth: We're partners, you know, together all the time, all right? You're a woman, and I'm a man. I never had a relationship like this where we were, like, two guys — except you're not, you know, a guy.

Brennan: No. No, I'm not. Should I feel odd about wanting to hang out with Will?

Booth: No, of course not. 'Cause essentially you're a guy, like me, but not really.

Brennan: That would mean that to me, you are, essentially, a woman. Yeah, I can see that.

Booth: No, no, no, no. I'd prefer not to be a woman, if you don't mind.

Brennan: I'm merely trying to follow your reasoning, Booth.

Brennan: I can read bones, not people.

Booth: Well, you had no trouble seeing through me.

Brennan: It's a good thing I like being alone.

Booth: You know what, Bones? You're not alone. Okay? Come here.

Brennan: Booth...

Booth: Hey, you're my partner. It's a guy-hug. Take it. [They hug in a very non-guy-hug way.]

Judas on a Pole [2.11]

[Zack is defending his dissertation in front of Brennan and other board members. Booth walks in.]

Booth: Hey, Bones, come on. We've got a body. Went up like a Roman candle... Hey, Zack! How's it going?

Zack: So far they don't like me.

Booth: Shocker.

Booth: Okay, who else knows about this?

Hodgins: Us and you. That's it.

Booth: Let's keep it that way.

Hodgins: I've seen this movie. I get killed on the way home.

Booth: Then don't go home.

Hodgins: [laughs, then stops abruptly] You serious?

Brennan: I wouldn't let anyone else call you a loser, Russ. What makes you think you're allowed?

Russ: I love you, too.

Brennan: I wish you wouldn't keep letting me hug you when I get scared.

Booth: Hey, I get scared and I'll hug you. We'll call it even.

Brennan: I just... I'm just one of those people who doesn’t get to be in a family. That's—

Booth: [places his finger underneath her chin, lifting her head up] Listen, Bones, hey. There's more than one kind of family.

The Man in the Cell [2.12]

Angela: Did you really call me "the heart of the operation"?

Hodgins: Yeah. That's before you called me short.

Angela: Hey, Zack called you short. I think you're just the right height.

Hodgins: Yeah?

Angela: Short men have better leverage.

Zack: I'm feeling uncomfortable.

Angela: How do you deal with the fear?

Brennan: I have this. [takes out huge gun from her purse]

Angela: Oh, my God! That thing is huge. Whoa, wow, that's like movie huge.

[Booth enters.]

Booth: Where the hell did you get that?

Brennan: The mall.

Booth: [incredulously] The mall?

Brennan: Yeah. It's pretty big, right? Bigger than the one you have. [Angela chuckles]

Booth: Excuse me. It's not the size that matters. It's how you use it.

Brennan: Well, I think size is pretty important.

Booth: The point is that you shouldn't have a gun in the first place.

Angela: If you do have one, bigger is always better.

Booth: You're not helping.

Angela: Right. Yeah, this does seem like a private conversation.

Booth: You know, people see you with that, the next thing you know everyone in this place is gonna start packing.

Brennan: This is America. Get used to it.

Booth: What’s that smell?

Brennan: It’s mold. It grows in the fat creases of morbidly obese people.

Mrs. Epps: What is this about? Did you bring me here to make fun of me?

Brennan: I merely stated a fact, Mrs. Epps. You need to lose weight. Obesity also causes diabetes, heart damage, liver failure. Not to mention the wear it puts on your joints.

Mrs. Epps: I have a glandular condition. A little compassion and understanding, that's what I really need.

Zack: My doctor said most of my injuries didn’t come from the explosion but from being slammed into the floor. [to Booth.] Apparently you’re extremely strong.

Brennan: [to Booth.] Did you have to be so rough on him?

Booth: It was a bomb. I was being, you know, heroic.

The Girl in the Gator [2.13]

Abby: I thought maybe she'd hooked up.

Brennan: Hooked up? Hooked... up? Oh... with, uh, anyone in particular?

Abby: We met so many guys. You know how it is.

Sullivan: I'm guessing she doesn't.

Hodgins: I clicked on a pop-up and got caught in a pornado.

Brennan: You know, anthropologically speaking, you follow a very ancient tradition.

Monte: Okay... entrepreneur?

Brennan: Pimp.

Brennan: Keep your eyes open for a metal screw threaded thingy.

Booth: Hey, Doc, why is it that every time I answer the phone, you walk away?

Dr. Wyatt: Why do you answer the phone, knowing it'll make me walk away?

The Man in the Mansion [2.14]

Brennan: Why do you call your psychiatrist "Gordon Gordon"?

Booth: 'Cause that's how he introduces himself. You know, "Hi, I'm Gordon. Gordon Wyatt."

Brennan: Like "James. James Bond."

Booth: "Bond. James Bond." Not "James. James... James"... whatever.

Angela: For once can you just pretend that you're the girl?

Brennan: Why is everyone so anxious for me to be a girl?

Dr. Wyatt: Why don't we talk about the case you're working on at the moment?

Booth: Why?

Dr. Wyatt: Well, I am trained as a forensic psychologist. I might be able to help.

Booth: Okay, fine, great. I have a dead rich guy, works with at-risk youth, gets brutally murdered after confiscating a couple pounds of heroin from one of his kids.

Dr. Wyatt: Interesting that the first word you used to describe him is "rich."

Booth: Uh, second. The first description was "dead."

Hodgins: It's my letter of resignation.

Brennan: Your science was dead-on perfect. That's all I care about. I don't need your resignation. [to Cam] He didn't actually tamper with evidence!

Cam: Dr. Hodgins endangered a case by hiding his relationship with a suspect.

Hodgins: I'm saving Dr. Saroyan the trouble of firing me.

Brennan: Well, how much trouble is it? "You're fired." That's no trouble at all! I mean, a child could do it.

Caroline: Listen up, you people. The verdict is gonna come down any minute. Maybe we'll win. Maybe we'll lose. But this I do know, you people have got to get your sand together, you hear me? Booth and you scientist-android-brainiacs, you got somethin' very special here. But you are losing it. [to Booth] Dropping serial killers off of balconies. And [to Angela] blabbing suspect's names to vengeful fathers. [to Cam] Cuttin' into heads before their times, gettin' poisoned. [to Zack] Gettin' blown up because you go grabbin' things you shouldn't have. [to Hodgins] Taking photographs from frames. [back to Booth] Getting a perfectly good car smashed to bits for NO good reason. [to all] Get it together! Start using your over-sized heads! This is the real world. Now, I know bug man here handed in his resignation. My official Justice Department recommendation is the following: we win the case, he gets his job back; we lose, Booth shoots him.

The Bodies in the Book [2.15]

Cam: Only five days? This is an extreme rate of decomp.

Hodgins: Blue crab season. They'll feed on anything, dead or alive. Vegetation, fish, flesh.

Cam: Ugh. Opportunistic little bastards.

Sullivan: Well, two hands are better than one, Booth.

Booth: Well, last time I checked, I had two hands. See?

Angela: Testosterone spill on Aisle 4.

Hodgins: So, for kicks you read—

Cam: Feminist trash. You know — woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal.

Hodgins: So, sex books.

Cam: Pretty much, yeah.

Sullivan: When you can't stop thinking about someone when they're not around, that's not a fling. When you remember their touch just like they were still next to you? That's not a fling. If you need to be alone with this, fine... but we both know what we have.

The Boneless Bride in the River [2.16]

Booth: Don't knock therapy, okay? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways—

Brennan: We do everything together.

Booth: —of dealing with them.

Brennan: What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?

Booth: You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.

Brennan: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.

Booth: Kit and caboodle.

Brennan: Whatever.

Brennan: No bones, no Bones... I was the second "Bones."

Cam: Oh, very witty.

Cam: So what? You got a part of the groom instead of the bride?

Booth: Bones stole it!

Brennan: Uh, not stole — swapped.

Booth: From an old Chinese lady's mantle.

Brennan: I brought a bunch of chimpanzee bones and pulled the old ah, switchamacallit.

Booth: Switcheroo.

Cam: Whatchamacallit.

Booth: Two different things.

Zack: Positive ID on both sets of remains. William Chang and Li-Ling Fan.

Angela: [looking at both skeletons and their pictures] Wow, they kind of go together.

Cam: Because they're deceased?

Angela: Yeah. But more than that, they are exactly the same level of hotness.

Cam: Which is zero, because they're skeletons.

The Priest in the Churchyard [2.17]

Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.

Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.

Zack: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.

Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!

Brennan: And at one time most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.

Booth: [to Zack] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all. [to Brennan] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!

Brennan: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God, I'll burn in hell?

Booth: Ooh, that's tempting.

Booth: We're definitely not working well together.

Brennan: Because you are bossy and judgmental.

Booth: Problems between people — it's never just one person's fault.

Brennan: What about Hitler? He did pretty well on his own.

Dr. Wyatt: [to Brennan] In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psycho-social development. Which, by the way, is an issue you should address, because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.

Brennan: I hate psychology.

Booth: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is your fault.

Dr. Wyatt: Mmm, on the contrary. [to Booth] If anything, your issues are more pronounced, given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for someone else's destiny.

Brennan: That makes sense.

Booth: Oh, now you like psychology.

Cam: [after testing Father Matt for poison] The good news is, we know how to make you feel a lot better.

Hodgins: Bad news is, someone is trying to kill you.

Dr. Wyatt: I stand by my diagnosis.

Angela: You stand by the FBI. Your first priority is to get agents back in the field solving murders.

Dr. Wyatt: Your romanticism is endearing. But as the Bard says, "Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies that apprehend more than cool reason could comprehend."

Angela: He also says "Journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man's son doth know."

The Killer in the Concrete [2.18]

Hodgins: Waffle-soled shoes and a track suit.

Cam: You know who wears track suits?

Zack: Athletes?

Cam: No, huge tubs of lard or retired people.

Max Keenan: Hey, I haven't committed a crime in over fifteen years. I'm straight.

Brennan: Except for killing, gutting and burning the Deputy Director of the F.B.I.

Max Keenan: He was trying to kill Russ, and then he was going after you. It is not a crime to protect your family.

Brennan: Well, some fathers do it without killing.

Cam: Okay, time to step out of your comfort zones, people.

Hodgins: What comfort zone?

Angela: I can't fight or shoot a gun; but if something bad happens, I can spit with deadly accuracy.

Angela: What can't you tell me?

Brennan: By definition, I can't tell you.

Spaceman in a Crater [2.19]

Cam: Why do you know that?

Zack: My knowledge is vast.

Cam: Why did I ask?

Booth: The telescope is pointed up at the planet Pluto.

Hodgins: Pluto's no longer a planet. It was demoted.

Brennan: Did you ever get drunk together?

James: What?

Booth: What my partner is trying to ask is if you two were buddies. Did you go out and have drinks and exchange confidences?

Brennan: Yes, that's what I asked.

Brennan: Maybe it wasn't a U.F.O. that Cal saw.

Booth: Ah.

Brennan: He could've seen something else.

Booth: Yeah, like a death beam or a space baby.

Angela: Hey, do you aliens use any weapons resembling a...

Zack: A broadsword?

Hodgins: How about a lightsaber?

Zack: No. Those can cut through any known substance. The victim would've been completely dismembered.

The Glowing Bones in the Old Stone House [2.20]

Brennan: I believe that dopamine and norepinephrine simulate euphoria because of certain biological triggers like scent, symmetrical features...

Booth: Symmetrical features.

Brennan: Yes, it's an indication of a good breeder. You appear to be a very good breeder.

Brennan: I'd back down if I were you. He shot a clown once.

Hodgins: Whoa, wait a minute.

Cam: What is it?

Hodgins: A-ha, unidentified particulates. The two sweetest words I know.

Cam: I don't even want to think about your pillow talk with Angela.

Booth: Talk to me, squints, as close to English as possible.

Hodgins: Look, I'm Abby. [to Zack] You're Carly.

Zack: Why am I always the murder victim?

Hodgins: Sit.

Brennan: [chuckling] Zack’s always the murder victim.

Stargazer in a Puddle [2.21]

Zack: Your estimate was correct. This hole is consistent with a 22-caliber slug. I learned "slug" from Cam. It's a colloquialism for projectile.

Angela: This time, Art made Science her bitch.

Angela: Hey Brennan, I'd like to ask you a favor. Well, it's not so much ask a favor as, as, as extend an honor. I mean, I hope you see it as an honor and you don't think of it as some onerous duty, which I don't think you will, but then again I've never done this before, and of course—

Brennan: Angela, just ask.

Angela: Will you be my maid of honor? [Brennan looks close to tears] At the wedding? [Brennan hugs her] Is that yes?

Brennan: I'm completely, totally honored.

Angela: Really? I thought I'd have to tell you what a maid of honor—

Brennan: I don't even care how awful the bridesmaids’ dresses are. I'm so glad you asked me.

Hodgins: Those sea chimps went after that pork by-product like piranhas after a skinny-dipping missionary.

Ruth Keenan: Hi Temperance, it's Mom. I don't know when or if you'll ever see this, but I hope to put it in your hands myself and see you again with my own eyes. This is a hard, hard world. Your father and I left you and Russ to save your lives. People would have killed you to get us. That's not what this is about. Today is your sixteenth birthday. I'm so sorry not to be there to tell you all the things a mother should tell her daughter when she turns sixteen, and sorry not to give you this. [holds up the ring Brennan's father gave her] It's an heirloom. And starting today, it's yours. I don't know how long it will take me to get it to you, but I promise you I will. You're going to hear a lot of things about your parents, especially your father. He is a good man. It was my insistence to leave you kids. Max would have kept us together, fought until the end. I'm not sure he'll ever forgive me for that. So please, Temperance, I need you to forgive me. And if you can’t forgive me, I beg you, honey, if you can’t forgive me, please forgive your father. Remember you were loved in this world, cherished. What I did to you may have been wrong, but I did it out of love. I did it out of love.

The Widow's Son in the Windshield [3.1]

Brennan: How did this skull get here?

Booth: Ask our eyewitness. [runs off] Let's go, buddy. [brings a teenage boy over to Brennan]

Boy: I am not high.

Brennan: Neither am I. Why is he telling me that?

Private Investigator: So your husband signed his name to the marriage license with an X?

Angela: Yeah.

Private Investigator: So you married a guy without knowing his name.

Angela: It was Fiji, okay? I was on vacation.

Cam: Usually when you get all blustery, it's cause you think something's your fault.

Booth: Yeah, well, you know, I did arrest her father for murder. She could be having trouble with that.

Cam: Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.

Booth: There's only one place that uses the pink rock in its foundations. It's an old deserted bank on the Anacostia River.

Cam: Bingo, baby.

Brennan: Why "bingo, baby"?

Booth: I checked into the ownership of the place.

Brennan: Why "bingo, baby"?

Booth: 'Cause you have to slow down, right? Take a breath. You have to realize that this is not a sprint. It's gonna be a marathon. Marathon, Bones, coming from the Greek meaning "really, really, really long run."

Brennan: That's not how the word "marathon" originated.

Soccer Mom in the Mini-Van [3.2]

Angela: [introducing herself to Agent Frost] Angela Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions [nods toward Hodgins] and him.

Max Brennan: I always liked Booth. Nicest guy to ever arrest me.

Cam: Hitting the top of the shoulder wouldn't be a severe injury.

Zack: She could bandage herself and still be ambulatory.

Cam: You know, you could say "walk around" instead. I wouldn't fire you.

Zack: "Walk around" implies aimlessness, which I'm not able to determine.

Cam: Can't believe I still ask these things.

Sam: [to Booth] She must be really good in bed. Otherwise I don't see why you'd keep her around.

Brennan: Yes, I am. Very good. But Booth would have no direct knowledge of that fact.

Booth: [drunk] God, you know, I love this place. I love it. I love this country. You know, I tell ya something. If I was working law enforcement back in the day when they threw all that tea, all right, in the harbor – I'm good, all right, I'm – I'm good. I would have rounded everybody up and we'd still be English.

Brennan: You think?

Booth: Yup. Yup. Definitely.

The Death in the Saddle [3.3]

Cam: Contents of the victim's stomach are corn... raw oats and dried molasses.

Booth: Horse food?

Cam: F.Y.I., there's such a thing as too much fiber.

Brennan: Where do horses stay in a hotel?

Booth: The bridle suite.

Brennan: That's correct. How did you know the answer to the bridle suite joke?

Booth: I have a five-year-old son.

Angela: I know about this hypnotism thing. I was a magician's assistant at a little gypsy carnival in Brazil.

Cam: Now that's an opening line.

Angela: Ugh. Mysterio was really cute, and I was younger then, and... the whole being sawed in half thing was actually kinda hot.

Booth: [about sex games] It's wrong. It says so in the Bible.

Brennan: It does not.

Booth: Then it was left out by mistake.

Booth: Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some, they just give up hope because in their mind, they're thinking "Oh, there's nobody out there for me." But all of us, we keep trying, over and over again. Why? Because, every once in a while... every once in a while, two people meet, and there's that spark. And yes, Bones, he's handsome, and she's beautiful, and maybe that's all they see at first. But making love... making love... that's when two people become one.

Brennan: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.

Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close.

Brennan: To what? Breaking the laws of physics?

Booth: Yeah, Bones. A miracle... Those people — role-playing, and their fetishes, and their little sex games. It's crappy sex, at least compared to the real thing.

Brennan: You're right

Booth: Yeah, but I ...[laughing] Oh, wait a second. I just won that argument?

Brennan: Yep.

The Secret in the Soil [3.4]

Hodgins: [finding a rare insect] Hello, my exotic princess!

Cam: What a charmingly inappropriate greeting, Dr. Hodgins.

Zack: I think he was talking to the bug.

Cam: Well, now I feel a bit... rejected.

Brennan: "He who smelt it, dealt it."

Booth: How do you even know that phrase?

Brennan: Okay, stop. You don't know Booth. You don't know me. You have a limited view of us based on superficial data you've accumulated on a standardized questionnaire and a subjective analysis from talking to us that is not at all scientific. So back off.

Sweets: Just trying to help.

Brennan: By questioning his humanity?

Booth: Okay, Bones, now you're going a little bit overboard. He's just a kid, right? I mean, the worst thing that's probably ever happened to him was he lost at Mortal Kombat.

Sweets: Are you normally this protective of him, Dr. Brennan?

Brennan: We're partners. Our lives depend on being protective of each other.

Sweets: And you feel the same way, Agent Booth?

Booth: Sweets, I can only hope that one day you know what a real partnership is.

Sweets: You complement each other.

Booth: No, she never compliments me. Did you compliment me in the questionnaire?

Brennan: "Complement," not "compliment." "Ple." He means that we complete each other... uh... as a team.

Booth: Yeah, right.

Sweets: I have observed some underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Booth: Issues?

Sweets: Yes, there's clearly a very deep emotional attachment between you two.

Booth: We're just partners.

Sweets: And why do you think I would have thought otherwise?

Booth: 'Cause you're 12.

Brennan: Don't read into anything that Booth said. We're professionals. There's a line that doesn't even need to be there.

Booth: Not at all. I mean, if there were no more murders, I would probably not even see her.

Brennan: That's very true.

Booth: We might have coffee.

Brennan: Probably not.

Booth: What, you wouldn't even have coffee with me?

Brennan: Well, in your scenario, we wouldn't even know each other, because there are no murders.

Booth: Were, I said, no more murders.

Brennan: Then fine, we could have coffee.

The Mummy in the Maze [3.5]

Zack: I will be the back end of a cow.

Hodgins: So, no costume.

Zack: Naomi from Paleontology has agreed to be my front.

Hodgins: So many jokes, so little time.

Angela: And get him to sign the divorce papers.

Private Investigator: By "get him," do you mean force him to sign them?

Hodgins: If necessary. Do you have a gun?

Angela: Or just remind him of who I am and ask him politely.

Hodgins: What are you, Canadian?

Amber: Here's what Mr. Barasa said, 100% verbatim, word for word.

Hodgins: "Verbatim" means word for word.

Amber: What?

Hodgins: You sort of said it twice.

Cam: I'm Catwoman. [Brennan looks at her blankly] The superhero.

Brennan: Oh!

Cam: One of the most powerful female superhero figures.

Brennan: I don't think so.

Cam: Are you kidding? Catwoman?

Brennan: Can you fly?

Cam: I have nine lives.

Brennan: Super strength, super speed, force people to tell the truth?

Cam: I think I'm pretty fast.

Brennan: Pretty fast is not super speed.

Brennan: It's a Halloween party. We could be Wonder Woman and — what's Superman's secret identity?

Booth: Clark Kent.

Brennan: Yes. We could be Wonder Woman and Clark Kent after a really, really bad date.

Booth: Yeah, bad date because you shot me.

Brennan: It was only a flesh wound. And you dropped me on my head.

Booth: After you shot me. Okay, I think I got you on this one. Okay, Wonder Woman?

The Intern in the Incinerator [3.6]

Cam: Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday is coming up?

Booth: Sixty already? Wow.

Cam: Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night.

Booth: All right. You give him my best.

Cam: You can do it yourself. You have to come with me.

Booth: What? No. Not your family.

Cam: I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family.

Booth: You never told them we broke up?

Cam: You want to make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday?

Booth: You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend?

Cam: Yes, between 6:30 and 10 on Thursday.

Booth: Ugh. Camille, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks.

Cam: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he'll die!

Hodgins: I never liked Kyle Aldrige.

Zack: He told me once that having a high I.Q. was no excuse not to bathe.

Angela: I don't believe that.

Zack: No, those were his exact words, "no excuse not to bathe."

Aldridge: Why am I talking to you?

Brennan: What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night?

Aldridge: Shortly after 11. Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up on the food chain than an FBI consultant.

Brennan: Kyle, I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect. But that won't work with me.

Aldridge: Why is that?

Brennan: Because I'm smarter than you are.

Booth: I know your password too. It's daffodil.

Brennan: I never told you that!

Booth: What, I got eyes! I mean, you guys aren't exactly CIA material.

Hodgins: Daffodil?

Brennan: What, they're pretty. And I'm changing my password.

Booth: Daisy.

Brennan: How did you know?

Booth: It's your second-favorite flower. I know you, Bones. Try a planet! [Bones enters another password] Jupiter! [Brennan looks shocked]

Felicia: Why didn't you tell me you guys split up?

Cam: You want him? Take him. I don't care.

Felicia: I don't want him.

Booth: You don't?

Felicia: [to Cam] No. I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time.

Cam: So you admit it.

Felicia: Like you're a saint? [to Booth] She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party, but that I wasn't invited.

Cam: You were five, and they did not like you.

The Boy in the Time Capsule [3.7]

Zack: I had a Michael Jackson glove. I've never mentioned that before.

Hodgins: I loved Chevy Chase. We all have our crosses to bear.

Booth: This is crazy. It's — it's not right. Tell him that it's not right.

Brennan: Is it?

Booth: Oh! You're on his side. Why don't you go play Voltron with him?

Booth: So this girl, she had this game where she would ask me a question -

Brennan: What kind of question?

Booth: It doesn't matter, okay? So if I got the question wrong, I'd have to take off a piece of my clothing. So of course I knew all the answers, but I pretended that I didn't.

Brennan: So you could take off your clothes.

Booth: Exactly. Now, my point is, I'm standing there, you know, in my socks and my St. Christopher medal, and she runs off. She runs off with the sleeping bag and all my clothes and I'm standing there starko.

Brennan: Well, why would she do that?

Booth: Well, I suppose she heard I was under the bleachers with another girl the week before.

Brennan: Okay. This is a story about sexual prowess, Booth. You're bragging!

Booth: [laughs] I had to run across the campus buck naked!

Brennan: You're laughing about it now! You enjoyed displaying your penis. It showed alpha male mastery.

Booth: Evolution is a long, long process. It takes hundreds of years.

Brennan: Thousands.

Booth: Why do you have to always correct me?

Brennan: To help you evolve.

The Knight on the Grid [3.8]

Cam: Dr. Brennan looked a little hurt when I told her you asked me to come out here instead of her.

Booth: No. Bones's feelings, they don't get hurt. She's not like you.

Cam: Like me?

Booth: Yeah. A girl.

Cam: Yeah. The word you're looking for is "woman," who, incidentally, makes more money than you.

Booth: Touche!

Cam: What can I say? I'm just a girl with feelings.

Brennan: I can't freak out every time somebody Googles me.

Booth: Cam, she goes nowhere alone.

Brennan: Cam, don't listen to him.

Booth: Cam, who are you more afraid of, me or her?

Brennan: Booth—

Cam: Whoa! [holds up a hand] So this is what it's like to be a kindergarten teacher.

Booth: My idea of art is a half-naked woman on the side of a van.

Sweets: That's interesting.

Booth: No, it's not interesting, Sweets, 'cause it was a joke.

Sweets: It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords, man. There's always only two of them.

Booth: Did you just Star Wars us?

Brennan: There are levels of bad guy, Russ, and you’re not even on the first level.

Russ: Why do I feel like you just called me a sissy?

The Santa in the Slush [3.9]

Hodgins: [to Angela] Our victim... was kicked by a reindeer.

Angela: Oh. Get the hell outta here!

Zack: [points to a screen] The sacrum.

Angela: Wait. The evidence actually adds up to an old, fat man with a white beard, in a custom-made Santa suit who smoked a clay pipe and got kicked in the ass by a reindeer?

Brennan: Where did he work?

Ralph: Uh, employment agency called Temp Time. On 7th, by the Convention Center.

Booth: Ha! Couldn't have been Santa!

Brennan: Why?

Booth: Because Santa wouldn't have worked at a temp agency!

Brennan: Well, why not? His work is seasonal.

Booth: No. It's not a lie lie, Bones. It's more like everybody agreeing that, up to a certain age, kids deserve to live a different kind of truth.

Brennan: Okay. By that reasoning, what we should do is figure out a lie Russ could tell the girls so they wouldn't know he's in jail.

Booth: That is a brilliant Christmas idea.

Brennan: It was intended to be a scathing and incisive comment.

Caroline: I want you to kiss him under some mistletoe.

Brennan: Kiss Booth?

Caroline: That's right, cheri.

Brennan: Why?

Caroline: Because it will amuse me.

Brennan: Why?

Caroline: Because the two of you are all "Dr. Brennan" and "Special Agent Seeley Booth," and it's Christmas, and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.

Brennan: Puckish?

Caroline: What's the matter? You don't think I can be puckish?

Brennan: I never thought about it until now.

Brennan: Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.

Booth: I'm being misquoted.

Sweets: Booth is absolutely right.

Booth: She got the gist.

Sweets: There is a fictional element to Christmas.

Brennan: You mean the whole "birth of a Savior" rigmarole?

Booth: It is not rigmarole!

Sweets: No, Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults—

Booth: Are you including you in that?

Sweets: As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic routines of daily life, which make it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But, you know, it's all right for us to try. We put on silly hats, drape trees in sparkly lights and wrap gifts in garish paper, and that's good for us. It's not only all right to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.

Brennan: Okay.

Booth: Okay?

Brennan: I found that very helpful.

Booth: That's what I've been saying the last four days!

The Man in the Mud [3.10]

Sheriff: [to Booth] Is she serious about the mud?

Brennan: As serious as a gas attack.

Booth: Heart attack, Bones. As serious as a heart attack.

Booth: Your friend's name Garth Jodrey?

Tim: How'd you know that?

Booth: [points to the name plaque on his desk] Special Agent Seeley Booth. Special.

Booth: You know, you can play the field... and not plough it.

Brennan: That was distasteful.

Brennan: Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.

April: Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.

Brennan: No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.

April: She's funny.

Brennan: I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?

Booth: I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.

Brennan: Oh.

Booth: What a shock for that couple. I mean, they slide naked into the hot mudbath and a skeleton hand pokes her in the, you know—

Brennan: Anus.

Booth: Bones!

Brennan: What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth.

Sweets: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues?

Booth: Why? Because I don't wanna talk about, you know—

Brennan: The anus.

Booth: You really like that word, don't you?

Sweets: Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work?

Booth: Well, it's better than talking about, you know—

Sweets: The anus?

Booth: What is it with you two?

Player Under Pressure [3.11]

Brennan: I thought you said you were just going to talk to him!

Booth: Yeah, well, I saw his face and I got mad.

Brennan: Is she crying because she loved him, or because she lost a mansion?

Booth: [mouths] The mansion.

The Baby in the Bough [3.12]

Booth: [talking about a baby] He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle?

Brennan: Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical power over infants!

Brennan: Coochie-coo? [the baby cries] Oh, no, no! No need to fuss! Obviously something is upsetting you. Children have toys. You must have some. Let me see. You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong.

Booth: You know, you look very mom-like with that baby monitor.

Brennan: I have a responsibility under state law as a foster parent. I've already bought him toys and clothes.

Booth: Ah. So you’ve bought him some clothes?

Brennan: Well, I sent an intern, who apparently loves bears, which in reality would devour a small child.

Brennan: Strontium is an element found in most rocks.

Hodgins: Human beings absorb it through the consumption of local vegetation and water. Over time the isotope collects in the bones, meaning—

Booth: You could use it to figure out where someone's from. [Brennan and Hodgins look shocked] That's right, people. I am a constant surprise.

Booth: [talking about the baby] Are you gonna get him?

Brennan: I figured you'd get him.

Booth: Don't you have a "responsibility under state law"?

Brennan: But you're the baby daddy.

Booth: Baby daddy?

Brennan: You have prior experience with preverbal infancy.

Booth: You can be the daddy mommy.

Angela: Okay, you two had better get your act together or I'm suing for custody.

The Verdict in the Story [3.13]

Sweets: Dr. Brennan, everyone you work with, including your therapist—

Booth: Former therapist.

Sweets: —is endeavoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.

Brennan: Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.

Sweets: No, Booth is wrong. Yes, it does.

Max: Oh, he’s a full-grown scientist?

Clark: I shave, sir. I have a driver’s license. I've won a couple fist fights. I've saved a life. I've lain with women. I've been hustled at pool. I've defied my father’s wishes. I have broken hearts and I have been heartbroken. So, by all the markers of this society, I am a grown man.

Max: Oh. You've "lain with women"?

Russ: Is he gonna talk like that at Dad’s trial?

Caroline: [to Booth] Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle. [to Hodgins]] No badges saying "Resist authority" or "The truth is out there." [to Zack] Do not cut your own hair the day before the trial. [to Angela] Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you. [to Sweets] Use your fully grown-up words. [to Cam] Eat. Last time, your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

Angela: Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know what's right and everybody else is confused.

Booth: Okay. You're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.

Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Booth: The scientist part of you got sidelined temporarily.

Brennan: I still don't know what that means.

Booth: Bones, just, take the brain, okay, put it in neutral. All right? Take the heart, pop it into overdrive. [makes engine noises and mimes driving a race car]

Brennan: [smiles] Sometimes I think you're from another planet. [laughs] And sometimes I think you're really very nice.

The Wannabe in the Weeds [3.14]

Brennan: Does Tommy share your affection?

Pam: Why do you ask it like that? Because I don't look like a scarecrow? [to Booth] Like her?

Brennan: Hey. Wha- what are you coming after me for? [to Booth] Do- do I look like a scarecrow?

Brennan: Until I was thirteen, I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.

Booth: I'd say you're kidding, but I don't think you know how to kid.

Brennan: The other girls and I referred to her as "rad." [laughs] My mother said I sang just as well.

Booth: As well as Cyndi Lauper?

Brennan: Yes.

Sweets: Mothers do that. It's healthy.

Brennan: No, it wasn't just flattery. My mother told me I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" better than she did.

Sweets: It was an expression of affection, Dr. Brennan, not an objective evaluation of your abilities.

Brennan: Well, I think you're wrong.

Booth: Okay then, go ahead, belt it out.

Brennan: No!

Sweets: Yeah, come on. Give us a few bars.

Booth: Come on...

Brennan: I can't just burst into song. I have to have music and an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.

Booth: Diva, forensic genius, best-selling author, better than Cyndi Lauper...

Sweets: Mocking will not change my opinion. I have been mocked many, many times before. That came out wrong.

Zack: My regimen is easily completed in my apartment. Treadmill for 30 minutes, 100 sit-ups, push-ups and leg-lifts, and then 20 minutes of free weights. I'm deceptively strong.

Cam: I am deceived.

Brennan: Hey! Break down the door!

Booth: It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door!

The Pain in the Heart [3.15]

Brennan: I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral. It was a complete waste of time, just like I said.

Booth: Wait a second. You thought that my funeral was a waste of time?

Cam: I thought it was a lovely service, Booth.

Booth: Thank you! You know, I expected to see more people though...

Hodgins: I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying.

Booth: Yeah. Me, too.

Angela: You guys are pathetic.

Brennan: [to Booth] Just know I won't be attending your next funeral.

Zack: Is it a cake or is it a pickle?

Hodgins: It's Schrödinger's cat.

Zack: That makes sense to me. Cakes and pickles mean nothing to me.

[Brennan walks in on Booth in the tub.]

Brennan: I need to talk to you!

Booth: Okay, what the hell, Bones? I'm in my house, in my bathroom, in my bathtub! How the hell did you get in here, anyway?

Brennan: Well, that fake rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Why are you wearing a hat that dispenses beer?

Booth: Hot tub plus cold beer equals warm beer. Hat equals solution. But why are you—

Brennan: And that cigar? Very unhealthy.

Booth: Okay. What the hell do you want now, Bones, 'cause I'm not really feeling too relaxed.

Brennan: You should have told me that you weren't dead.

Booth: I already explained this to you. The Bureau has to vet everyone when there's a security issue. I was just following protocol!

Brennan: Protocol?

Booth: Yes!

Brennan: We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before! Sometimes putting my life in danger, which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me!

Booth: (stands) I took a bullet for you!

Brennan: Once! That only goes so far! (pause) Would you like a towel?

Cam: A toothless cannibal just can't cut it in today's competitive serial killer climate.

Booth: Bones broke into my house last night.

Brennan: There was a key!

Booth: All angry because nobody told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol!

Sweets: Broke into your house?

Brennan: There was a key.

Booth: And barged into my bathroom.

Sweets: What were you doing?

Brennan: He was drinking beer and reading a comic book.

Booth: I was taking a bath!

Sweets: You read comics and drink beer naked?

Booth: Wait a minute. Bones bursts into my bathroom, all right, and I'm weird for being naked?

Yanks in the U.K. [4.01 + 4.02]

Brennan: In fact, taking a right turn on a red light here is the equivalent of turning left in the wrong lane at home.

Booth: I'm turning right. [takes a right turn and almost hits a bus, stops the Mini in the middle of an intersection and gets out of the car, screaming] I hate England! I hate London! I'm glad we had a revolution!

[Booth tries to get out of the Mini Cooper.]

Booth: Ahh! Getting out of this thing is like being born!

Booth: Every man in this country would like to sleep with you.

Brennan: Are you being nice to me or awful to the British men?

Angela: My heart isn't yours to claim. It's mine to give away.

[Angela calls Brennan's phone; her voicemail answers.]

Brennan: Hi. Technically you have not reached Temperance Brennan; but if you leave a message, it will reach her. Me. Temperance Brennan.

The Man in the Outhouse [4.03]

Sweets: Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds?

Brennan: A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection, which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable.

Booth: Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place.

Brennan: No, relationships are temporary.

Booth: No, that's not true, Bones, you're wrong, okay? There is someone for everyone, someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with, all right? You just have to be open enough to see it, that's all.

Brennan: Anthropologically, 83% of societies are polygamist.

Booth: Now you sound French. Being faithful is what separates us from the chimps.

Brennan: Actually, it's a gene called HAR1F.

The Finger in the Nest [4.04]

Booth: Parker had a nightmare.

Brennan: About severed fingers?

Booth: No, it was a singing frog.

Brennan: I don't see the connection. But then I'm one of those people that thinks when you dream about a banana, it's probably just a banana.

Booth: Okay, yeah, I get it. You saw a whole lady's corpse when you were a little girl and you were fine.

Brennan: Yes. Although, for some reason that I do not understand, I kept staging my own death. Pretending that I drowned in the bathtub, faking electrical shock. It really freaked my parents out. And once, when Russ found me hanging, he had to go see the school psychologist.

Booth: [mildly sarcastic] But otherwise you were fine.

Brennan: [earnestly] Yeah.

Parker: [to Booth, when introduced to Dr. Sweets] His face doesn't look like a baby's behind!

Booth: [puts his hands over Parker's ears] Look, okay, he's having nightmares, he's not eating, he doesn't wanna go to school and suddenly he's afraid of meteors!

Sweets: Giant flaming rocks from outer space. Who wouldn't be afraid?

[Booth walks into Brennan's office and finds her using her laptop computer while curled up on the sofa with Ripley.]

Booth: Uh, the dog should be, you know, in the cage. He killed Seth Elliot.

Brennan: Well, it's not his fault! He's actually a very nice dog, [cooing to Ripley] aren't you? [to Booth] He reminds me of you.

Booth: Me?

Brennan: He's got warm and reassuring brown eyes, and he's capable of great violence.

Booth: Okay, great. Thanks a million.

[Brennan and Booth have just finished burying Ripley]

Brennan: On behalf of humankind and the universe, I'd like to apologize for what happened to Ripley. He was born a cute little puppy, and then the people who adopted him wanted to kill him because they were too stupid to realize that he would grow into a big dog.

Booth: That's good.

Brennan: Ripley was a good dog. He didn't want to fight, but he did it to please his master. And he didn't want to attack a human being, but he did it — to please his master. [holding back tears] You know, it wasn't Ripley's fault his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson.

The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond [4.05]

Angela: These are children's shoes, but they're size 11.

Cam: So you think our victim was a giant toddler?

Brennan: That would show up in the bones.

Cam: Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform.

Sweets: These action figurines, they're awesome.

Booth: Still living at home there, huh, Sweets?

Sweets: No, I have my own place, and before that I lived with a woman. All right?

Brennan: Was that woman your mother?

Booth: Sweets, what are you doing?

Sweets: I'm putting myself in the mind of an obsessive-compulsive in order to figure out where I might conceal a memory-enhancing, psychosexual proxy.

Booth: Right, right. What's that mean?

Brennan: Masturbatory aid.

Booth: Oh. Check the shoes.

Sweets: Good.

Brennan: What? He's not going to find it in the shoes. Do all boys keep their masturbatory aids in their shoes, or is that particular to you?

Booth: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Tushman: The publishing game's changed. You know what I mean, Dr. Brennan.

Brennan: No, I do not.

Booth: Try me, Mr. Tushman.

Tushman: Book writing is no longer about good writing per se. It's about marketability. A book of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.

Brennan: Because I'm a very good writer.

Tushman: You're serviceable, but your success is contingent upon your image as a hot scientist chick.

Brennan: That's not true, is it?

Booth: Of course not! Don't call my partner a chick! What's the matter with you?

Booth: What are you doing?

Brennan: I'm throwing out my book.

Booth: It's still on your hard drive, right?

Brennan: No, not any more it's not.

Booth: You erased it? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!

Brennan: I don't want to be a writer any more.

Booth: Oh, why? Because of what that publisher said? He was an idiot. Did you see his glasses?

Brennan: Well, I don't want to be a sexy scientist.

Booth: Well, that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are.

The Crank in the Shaft [4.06]

Sweets: Well, uh, first I think it's important to find out what went wrong, why you were involved in an unsuccessful relationship.

Angela: Who said it was unsuccessful?

Sweets: You're not together anymore, are you?

Angela: Do you love your parents?

Sweets: Yes.

Angela: But you don't live together anymore, does that mean your relationship with mom and dad was unsuccessful?

Sweets: I don't think it's the same.

Angela: I do. Sometimes you have to move on, whatever your feelings.

The He in the She [4.07]

Brennan: Do you consider yourself to be one of my "brighter grad students," Mr. Nigel-Murray?

Vincent: Yes, and so do you, Dr. Brennan.

Booth: I am not calling this kid Mr. Nigel... anything.

Vincent: Vincent. Or Vince, or Vinny, Vin... Vincenzo. Actually, uh, I had this girlfriend, once, who used to call me "Vino Delectable" because of how my — uh, you don't... need to know that.

Cam: We already have Agent Booth to make lame jokes. Let's stick to facts.

Vincent: The rods in the human eye are sensitive enough to detect the light emitted by a struck match from as much as a mile away on a clear night.

Cam: Okay, let's stick to relevant facts.

Vincent: The sockets have been ground down.

Cam: Okay, that could be useful. [looks expectantly at Vincent, who smiles but says nothing] Especially if you have an explanation.

Vincent: Plastic surgery. Oh, uh, she had [gestures with his hands in front of his chest] fake boobs, too.

Cam: "Sockets," "eyeballs," "boobs" — I wouldn't use these words when conferring with Dr. Brennan.

Vincent: I know. With her it's all "supraorbital nimbus" and "mammary implants." But you seemed a more colloquial sort.

Cam: Well, in that case, what about the "backbone"?

Hodgins: Does Brennan put "Mr." before your name?

Vincent: Yes.

Hodgins: That's her very subtle way of saying you're not a doctor.

Mr. Nigel Murray: Can I ask you something?

Hodgins: Is there any way to say no?

Mr. Nigel Murray: What ever happened to whoever it was who used to work here before me?

Hodgins: He joined forces with a serial killer who was the last in the long line of cannibalistic murderers specializing in knocking off members of secret societies and building skeletons out of their body parts.

Mr. Nigel Murray: Wow, I hope that doesn't happen to me.

Cam: [about the victim] "He"?

Vincent: Mmm-hmm. Triangular pubis, no evidence of a ventral arc. The pelvic bone speaks. It says, "I be male."

Cam: The pelvic bone can say whatever it wants to say. This part here [points in the general direction of the lower body] says female.

Vincent: What part's that?

Cam: It's called a vagina.

The Skull in the Sculpture [4.08]

[Brennan and Booth approach a darkened office building.]

Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What goes first?

Brennan: Gun goes first.

Booth: That's right.

Brennan: What if you get shot?

Booth: Don't say things like that, all right? You're going to jinx me.

Brennan: Well, if you're relying on superstition for safety, perhaps I should carry the gun.

Cam: You dumped a bucket full of Dermestes beetles onto this work of art. They'll strip the flesh off our victim in no time.

Brennan: Within 30 hours. Am I fired?

Cam: Au contraire. Remind me of this moment around Christmas bonus time.

[Booth, Brennan, Cam and Hodgins look on in shock as Dr. Sweets and Daisy kiss on the forensic platform.]

Hodgins: I am shocked.

Brennan: Yeah. They should not be doing that on the forensic platform.

Cam: That's a method of termination I've never tried. Bravo, Dr. Sweets.

Booth: They'll never work. They're, like, complete opposites.

Brennan: I agree. For all her faults, she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. There's no common ground.

Booth: Right.

Brennan: You need common ground. What else is there?

Booth: Absolutely.

[Booth and Brennan look at each other as Sweets and Daisy walk away together.]

The Con Man in the Meth Lab [4.09]

Angela: Things in a toilet should not move.

Brennan: [to Booth's brother Jared] It is nice to meet you, Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's.

Jared: [to Booth, aside] Is she coming on to me?

Booth: No, it's just the way she talks.

Brennan: [to Angela] Are you thinking of leaving lesbianism behind?

Angela: I prefer not to be labeled, okay?

Brennan: I didn't have sex with him, Cam.

Angela: Didn't have sex with who?

Cam: Jared Booth.

Angela: Good.

Brennan: Why good?

Cam: Because... because...

Angela: Because he's Booth's little brother, and it would just be a creepy way to have sex with a Booth without having sex with the real Booth.

Cam: Kudos, Angela. I would not have had the guts to say that out loud.

Brennan: [toasting Booth] Anthropology teaches us that the alpha male is the man wearing the crown, displaying the most colorful plumage and the shiniest baubles. He stands out from the others. But I now think that anthropology may have it wrong. In working with Booth, I've come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who's always there for friends and family... that's a real alpha male. And I promise my eyes will never be caught by those shiny baubles again.

The Passenger in the Oven [4.10]

Flight Attendant: [having caught Booth in first class, reclining next to Brennan] Sir, you need to return to coach.

Booth: See, we're partners. We like being together.

Flight Attendant: Your sexual relationship is not relevant, sir. This is first class.

Brennan: Why does everyone always think we have a sexual relationship when we barely ever even touch each other?

[Booth visits Brennan in the first-class section of the plane.]

Booth: Are you tired of working with me?

Brennan: No, it's not that. But the identification and analysis of ancient remains, that's why I became a forensic anthropologist.

Booth: You're bored. The spark is gone.

Brennan: I'm a scientist first.

Booth: Right. Yeah. A scientist first. I get it. I understand.

Brennan: Hey, if you get caught up here, does that make me an accessory?

Booth: [smiles] An accessory to an upgrade.

Booth: [sees Brennan wearing cats-eye glasses while examining remains] Bones. All right, what I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say, "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?"

Brennan: [looks confused] Why?

Booth: Never mind.

Booth: You want to get off the plane to see those old Chinese bones. I'm sorry.

Brennan: It's not your fault.

Booth: Yes, it is. Because I'm the one who dragged you out of pure science and pulled you into murder-solving.

Brennan: That's not how I remember it.

Booth: Really?

Brennan: Yes. As I recall, I had to force you to take me into the field.

Booth: [smiles] Really?

Brennan: Yes. You didn't want to, remember? [smiles] This is all my fault.

The Bone that Blew [4.11]

Booth: Okay, what do we got?

Brennan: This one is a portion of the sacrum. It's definitely human. There's char marks. [sniffs the bone]

Booth: Oh, God. You know I hate when you sniff and smell dead things!

Booth: Your dad works here now?

Brennan: Not my idea.

Cam: She wants me to fire him.

Booth: Why?

Brennan: This is a crime lab! My father is a bank robber and an accused murderer!

Cam: Booth's killed more people than Max has and he works here.

Booth: Don't bring that up! Why did you have to bring that up?!

Max: Are you sleeping with my daughter?

Booth: No.

Max: Why? Are you gay?

Booth: [half-laughing] No.

Max: Is she not attractive enough?

Booth: [somewhat angry] Bones is beautiful.

Max: Is it because of me? Because I killed one man and we both know he deserved it?

Booth: All right, just cut it out, Max, all right? I'll talk to her. Probably ain't gonna get anywhere with her, but I'll talk to her.

Max: You're a good man, and I want that for her. Now, I gotta go blow up some soda for some kids.

Max: I've decided I'm leaving the Jeffersonian.

Sweets: Why?

Brennan: Because I fired him.

Sweets: You can do that?

Max: Oh, yeah. Believe me, she can do it.

Brennan: Well, it's all about proximity to forensic evidence.

Max: Don't take any offense, but that's a lot of crap. It's about a proximity to me. Right?

Sweets: Well, in my opinion, it isn't your father's presence that's causing you anxiety. It's the memory of his absence.

Brennan: I can understand quantum mechanics, but I can't understand you.

Booth: Don't fire Max. You know, let him keep his job. He's a teacher, not a janitor.

Brennan: I can't overlook the sanctity of the forensic lab, Booth.

Booth: Yeah. Maybe you can overlook it for me.

Brennan: For you?

Booth: Yeah. Personal favor.

Brennan: Like a partner thing?

Booth: [smiles] Parker thing.

Brennan: [smiles] I know you, Booth. You're trying to do me a favor by telling me it's a favor for you.

Double Trouble in the Panhandle [4.12]

Texas Ranger: How do you think they died?

Oklahoma Officer: They left Oklahoma, hit Texas, then died of despair.

Texas Ranger: Nope, they're definitely Oklahomans. If they were from Texas they would have had sense enough to carry water.

[...]

Booth: Twins conjoined at the ass!

Oklahoma Officer: Oh, they are definitely from Texas.

Fire in the Ice [4.13]

Brennan: Booth. Booth!

Booth: [who has just come to after hitting his head] Bones, what are you doing on the ice?

Brennan: I get nervous when you fall down and don't get up.

Booth : Hey, you know what? Forget about Agent Perotta. All right? Nothing is gonna change between me and you.

Brennan: Well, entropy is a natural force that pulls everything apart in a subatomic level. Everything changes.

Booth: Not everything, Bones.

Brennan: No! [they laugh]

Booth: Not everything.

Brennan : You're gonna make me fall!

Booth: I'm never gonna make you fall. I'm always here.

The Hero in the Hold [4.14]

Booth: Any lock worth picking is worth kicking.

Hodgins: [about the Grave Digger] I'd like to kill her. I hate her. I think I could murder her.

Brennan: If I think of any group of people could murder someone and get away with it, it would be us.

Booth: You never told her [you loved her]?

Teddy: I was twenty. It was hard.

Booth: I. Love. You. It's three words, really not that hard.

Teddy: What, you've never loved somebody and didn't say it to 'em? (Booth is silent) See, maybe that's why I'm here: to get you to say "I love you" to somebody.

Jared: It will really annoy my brother, the army ranger, to be saved by a squid.

Sweets: Character is who you are under pressure, not who you are when everything’s fine.

The Princess and the Pear [4.15]

Sweets: May I call you Bones in future moments of shared camaraderie?

Brennan: Don't call me Bones.

Sweets: Sure about that, Bones?

Brennan: Please, don't.

Brennan: What's wrong?

Booth: Nothing. Come on in. How about some coffee? Caribbean bean!

Brennan: You hurt your back again?

Booth: Nope. No, no, no. It's that obvious, huh?

Brennan: Your gait suggests you restrained your anterior longitudinal ligament.

Booth: Yeah, well, I blame the couch, all right? I fell asleep last night watching the game. Look, I figured you fixed my back last time. Really, I just thought that maybe you could fix it again. So use your little magic knuckles and hit it up, and we're ready to go.

Brennan: Booth, if this has become a recurring problem, you should see a specialist.

Booth: Right. I get it. All disclaimers apply. Here we go. Hit the back. Chop, chop. We've got a case!

[Booth has taken a lot of Vicodin for his back pain.]

Perotta: How are you, Agent Booth?

Booth: The only reason that I am not coming in right now is because Bones told me not to, but she's your responsibility. Nothing can happen to her, okay? If anything happens to her and all that silky black hair, all that soft skin —

Perotta: I will not let her out of my sight. You have my word. Now we should really get back to the case, Agent Booth.

Booth: Am I stopping you? [hangs up]

Perotta: Right. I'm going to round up as many black knights as I can at Imagicon. In the mean time, please don't go out in the field without me.

Brennan: I don't need a sitter. Booth gets needlessly protective sometimes. I have no idea why.

Perotta: You really don't, do you?

Brennan: No.

The Salt in the Wounds [4.17]

Brennan: Pregnancy is unlikely without intercourse.

Booth: Yeah, thanks, Bones.

Angela: What's wrong with the moment?

Hodgins: Nothing.

Angela: But?

Hodgins: But it's nice, every once in a while, to think about the future.

Angela: So let me this straight: to be together, then it has to be all about the future?

Hodgins: Yeah.

Angela: So this, right now, this isn't together?

Hodgins: It was a moment. A great moment, but like all great moments, past.

[Booth and Brennan walk in on a baby shower being held in the multi-purpose room of a high school]

Booth: You have got to be kidding me. Didn't this school ever hear of sex education?

Brennan: Well if so there's gaps in the curriculum.

Booth: That's for sure.

Angela: Have you ever noticed that a sunset looks more beautiful when you share it with someone that you care about?

Brennan: No, I haven't, but I'll pay better attention next time.

Saroyan: Some of us take coffee breaks, some of us take smoke breaks, Mr. Vasiri takes a spiritual break.

Brennan: Who smokes?

Saroyan: Nobody. Not very often, anyway. Just very rarely, in times of great stress.

The Doctor In The Den [4.18]

Booth: I'm thinking the victim wandered away from his car, he was drunk, and he ended up in this area. The same thing happened to a guy last year in the giraffe section.

Brennan: Giraffes are herbivores. They don't eat people.

Booth: That part is different, but the guy broke his arm. Did you know that giraffes can weigh up to two tons?

Brennan: Yes. Everyone knows that.

Booth: And they sleep less than two hours a day.

Brennan: That I did not know.

Booth: Yes! Pinky stumps the brain!

Angela: Ooh, what is that smell? Are you wearing cologne?

Hodgins: It's urine. I found traces of uric acid on the victim's clothing.

Angela: Oh.

Hodgins: It was the pheromones you found pleasing.

Angela: Yeah, yeah. The pheromones in tiger urine?

Hodgins: Well, I assume it was tiger urine. The cat was probably marking its territory.

Angela: I was turned on by tiger urine?

Hodgins: [Laughs] Celibacy isn't easy, Ang.

Angela: Tell me about it.

Brennan: We're scientists. We can't quantify or rely on our emotions. They're arbitrary and indeterminate.

Saroyan: We know people through our feelings, Dr. Brennan. You trust Booth because of how you feel.

Brennan: No, I trust Booth because of past actions.

Saroyan: And faith in the future. I'm sorry, but feelings are important. Even to you.

Saroyan: Anything of value yet?

Brennan: We're cataloging injuries. I thought you would be with Booth.

Saroyan: Questioning people isn't really my thing. Most of the time I just want to beat them until they tell me what I want to hear.

Brennan: I know, it gets frustrating, and hitting can quite often be effective.

Clark: You both work with the Justice Department?

Brennan: Yes.

Clark: Ironic.

Brennan: No lions?

Hodgins: Not in the whole park.

Booth: There are tigers. How much difference can there be between lion urine and tiger urine?

Brennan: There are no stripes in lion urine.

The Science in the Physicist [4.19]

Mr. Nigel-Murray: The slowest meteorites travel at 25,000 miles per hour.

Hodgins: Uh-huh.

Mr. Nigel-Murray: I'm not just spouting useless facts. You do not have a chance at recreating those velocities with a glorified blow-gun. You simply want to fire a cannon at a dummy.

Hodgins: [holds out safety goggles] Are you staying or going?

Mr. Nigel-Murray: Another set of eyes taking note can never be amiss.

Hodgins: To eternity, to glory, to the future. [scoffs]

Brennan: You disapprove of the Collar Institute?

Hodgins: Up and forward are only two directions. Science should look in all directions. You taught me that.

Brennan: I did?

Hodgins: Every day.

Brennan: Thank you.

Broderick Mullins: A frozen cadaver would simply bounce if dropped. Any moron would know that.

Booth: You know what? You're the only smart person I really like.

Brennan: Thank you!

Brennan: You said I have a creepy mode.

Booth: I apologize, okay? I wasn't in my element.

Brennan: Every element is your element.

Booth: That's not true. We've just got to stop hanging out with geniuses, because you're going to figure out that I'm really stupid.

Brennan: What? Don't worry about that. I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.

Booth: Hmm.

Brennan: What I just said is true and yet it really sounded wrong. What I should say is I don't care how stupid you are... That's not any better?

Booth: No. No. Not at all. That's not even relevant.

Brennan: There is intelligence, which I have, and Mr. Nigel-Murray.

Mr. Nigel-Murray: Thank you.

Brennan: And Sweets, even though his is so misdirected as to be meaningless.

Booth: Right.

Sweets: Wow, backhand full of knuckles with that compliment.

Brennan: And Hodgins, and Angela not so much, but she's very talented.

Angela: Thank you, very much.

Brennan: You're welcome. But then there's another quality, which is the ability to use intelligence. That is what you have.

Booth: Thanks, Bones.

Cinderella in the Cardboard [4.20]

Booth: Oh, I'm just saying that life is a lot more than what you cook up with your chemistry sets. Miracles do happen.

Booth: Why'd you tell Sweets? He's gonna come in here. He's gonna cry and stuff.

Angela: Where did this come from?

Wendell: Egyptology Department.

Angela: They let you borrow it?

Wendell: Well, no one was using it.

Angela: Tell me you're kidding.

Wendell: No... I left a note.

Wendell: What happened to your measuring tape?

Brennan: I don't know. Missing. There was a Post-It note from the Egyptology Department.

Brennan: I know intellectually jealousy is absurd, but I see that it's real for people... I even experience it myself.

Booth: So what are you jealous of?

Brennan: Angela. Hodgins. Cam. You.

Booth: Why?

Brennan: Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is transcendent and eternal... I want to believe that, too.

Booth: Hey, you will... I promise. Someday you will.

Mayhem on a Cross [4.21]

Cam: The remains were found in the possession of a Norwegian Black Metal Band.

Brennan: [looking at Clark] What's Black Metal?

Clark: I don't know, it's Norwegian, that's a whole different kind of black.

Gordon Wyatt: May I say, Dr. Sweets, that this is probably the best work I have ever read on the dynamics of opposite personality types working towards a common cause.

Sweets: Okay, now I'm hearing a caveat.

Gordon Wyatt: Just a small one. It's just that Brennan and Booth aren't in any way opposites.

Sweets: Wow. Small? What is that, British understatement?

Gordon Wyatt: Yes, he's a man. She's a woman. He's instinctual. She's empirical.

Sweets: Opposites.

Gordon Wyatt: Superficial ephemera, Dr. Sweets.

Sweets: Wow. Okay, what about the sexual component in their relationship? Would you agree that they have both sublimated their attraction to each other out of fear of endangering their working relationship, because their working relationship is paramount to both of them?

Gordon Wyatt: Alas, I'm afraid I wouldn't agree with that. No.

Sweets: Wow. Which part?

Gordon Wyatt: Well everything you just said. Yes, one of them is acutely aware of their attraction. Struggles with it daily, as a matter of fact.

Sweets: Wow. I'm sorry I keep saying that. Which one?

Gordon Wyatt: It's your book, Dr. Sweets. I would never tell you what to write.

Gordon Wyatt: Might I offer a word of advice regarding young Dr. Sweets?

Booth: Let me try to stop you.

Brennan: Why do we need advice about Sweets?

Booth: We don't. Sweets is just fine.

Gordon Wyatt: He most definitely is not fine. I've read his book.

Brennan: Wait, did he say something mean about us?

Gordon Wyatt: On the contrary. You might as well know that he lost both his adoptive parents just before he came to work for your de facto crime fighting unit.

Booth: What are we, the land of misfit toys?

Gordon Wyatt: He's a good lad, Sweets, but this book he's writing, he's using it as the vehicle to get what he actually wants. Which is a family.

Brennan: So he imprinted on us like a baby duck?

Booth: Are you okay, Bones?

Brennan: Yeah, I'm fine. Here. [Places Booth's handkerchief back in his pocket, then looks to Sweets] Why are you nodding?

Sweets: Nothing. Just Wyatt made an observation about you two and I think I just saw what he saw.

The Double Death Of The Dearly Departed [4.22]

Booth: Can you get lost?

Brennan: Why?

Booth: I can be devastatingly charming if you aren't watching me.

Booth: You know what? You are an absolute genius, Bones. Genius!

Brennan: I know.

Hodgins: King of the funeral!

Booth: Just make sure when they put me in the ground, I'm dead.

Brennan: Yeah. No problem.

Booth: Right? Maybe, uh, you know, leave my body out for a few hours and check on me every once in a while.

Brennan: No, I'd rather refrigerate you, or else you would start to smell.

Booth: Nobody looks inside the casket, okay Mr. Tung?

Tung: How do I do that?

Booth: Just, um- w- Bones, how does he do that?

Brennan: Say someone enters and desires to gaze upon the visage of their dead relative one more time, in a vain effort to say goodbye to someone who can neither see nor hear them because there's no such thing as a soul—

Booth: Bones, just- ju- Bones, Bones. Just give him a reason not to show the body.

Brennan: We are encountering fluid seepage at the moment, and the body is not available for viewing just now.

Tung: I would never phrase it that way.

Booth: I know, it's perfect! It's so gross.

The Girl In The Mask [4.23]

Officer Kopek: [referring to Brennan] Is she serious?

Booth: Always.

Hodgins: I rarely find motive in bird vomit.

Dr. Haru Tanaka: I am not familiar with the "blah, blah, blah."

Brennan: I myself have no one in my life whom I talk to that much. Outside of work, I mean. Perhaps that is good.

Ken Nakamura: How so?

Brennan: I can see how much pain you're in. Is it worth it? To have your own happiness so contingent on another human being?

Ken Nakamura: If I was willing to give up my life for Sachi, why would I not be willing to risk my happiness for her?

Brennan: Will he recover? Your friend Ken.

Booth: From losing his sister? You don't recover from something like that. You just survive.

Brennan: People die. There's a fault in the design if we can't recover from it.

Booth: Fault in the design. What are we, coffee pots?

Brennan: I just mean that we should be designed so that we can handle the worst.

Booth: We are designed that way. We aren't sent anything that we can't handle.

Brennan: I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it.

Booth: I have a son and it's worth it.

Brennan: Even if he died?

Booth: Whoa, Bones, don't even say anything like that. Don't even put that out there. It is worth it and everything around it is worth it. Every moment. Everything is worth it. Now eat your ice cream before it melts.

The Beaver In The Otter [4.24]

Saroyan: Mr. Vaziri, do you have the x-rays?

Arastoo Vaziri: Yes. I have never seen so many foreign objects in human remains. Arrows, marbles, jacks, various coins and cutlery. My best guess is that a nuclear explosion occurred just as the victim entered a 99 cent store.

Brennan: They keep track of sexual conquests by putting stars on the wall?

Sweets: It's emotionally stunted.

Booth: Guys, it's a college fraternity.

Brennan: They seem like really terrible people.

Booth: They're college kids, okay? It's their job description to be bad. It's what they do.

Sweets: Yeah, but still. It's a community of young men mutually supporting bad decisions.

Booth: Look, these kids, they go out into the world. They're alone, they have no supervision, they have to be bad. It's just in order to figure out what it is. It's a scientific fact that their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.

Brennan: No, that is not a scientific fact.

Booth: What they've got to do is build their frontal lobes with exercise, and that comes from doing the wrong thing.

Sweets: Okay, so you're theory is that they've got to be bad to be good.

Booth: Exactly. It's the facts of life, my friend. Okay, so whats transmissions did you get from the brothers?

Brennan: Booth, he is not a radio.

Booth: Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.

Sweets: What I did observe, using my eyes and my training, is that these two frat brothers weren't actually upset about Beaver's death.

Brennan: How do you know?

Sweets: Well, real grief comes and goes in waves. These guys had their face set in sadness the whole time. They were lying.

Brennan: I believe you're just guessing.

Sweets: Okay, fine. I'm just a magical eight ball. [walks away]

Booth: I think you hurt his feelings.

Brennan: [incredulous] Did you believe him?

Saroyan: I am saying no to this experiment.

Hodgins: Yeah, I got that after the part where you said no seven times in a row.

Saroyan: I find that you don't pay attention to the first six.

Brennan: What are you going to do?

Booth: Something personal.

Brennan: What is it?

Booth: Personal. Personal means personal. You know, not for the public.

Brennan: I'm not the public!

Booth: Jared wants me to go to India with him.

Brennan: Indiana?

Booth: India, okay? Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras, Slumdog Millionaire.

Brennan: I know. Are you going?

Booth: We don't like each other.

Brennan: So, not going?

Booth: Well, he's my brother. I still love him.

Brennan: I'm confused. You are going?

Booth: Jared should not go to India alone. He'll get in all kinds of trouble.

Brennan: You said he's never been alone.

Booth: Exactly! He'll be eaten alive.

Brennan: If you go with him, then he won't be alone. You won't let him be bad and his frontal lobe always be the size of a raisin. That's what you said. It makes no scientific sense.

Booth: Yeah. Got it.

The Critic In The Cabernet [4.25]

Sweets: It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.

Booth: Hunger.

Brennan: Sex.

Booth: Whoa.

Brennan: Horse.

Booth: Cowboy.

Brennan: Child.

Booth: Baby.

Brennan: Booth.

Booth: What, do you think I'm a baby?

Brennan: You're a father.

Booth: Oh, mother.

Brennan: Birth.

Booth: Happy.

Brennan: Sperm.

Booth: Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?

Sweets: No, keep going.

Booth: Ok, Egg.

Brennan: I want a baby.

Booth: Whoa!

Brennan: Horse.

Angela: Then why use Booth at all? Why don't you use Fisher ... and his discount sperm?

Brennan: No, Booth has a bigger mandible and a more prominent zygomatic than Fisher, as well as a more pronounced ratio between the width of his clavicles and his ilia.

Angela: So, it's because Booth is hot?

Angela: Brennan, this is crazy.

Brennan: Why? I'm intellectually gifted, financially secure. Statistically, I could expect to have an exceptional child.

Angela: Fine. Yes. Absolutely. But do know how this is supposed to work, right?... You get naked together. You devour each other in a passionate frenzy.

Brennan: Booth would think that would create an emotional bond between us.

Angela: [sarcastic] Of course that's ridiculous.

Brennan: I knew you'd understand.

Booth: I'm just donating.

Cam: So you decided?

Booth: No, no. I am deciding. I-N-G.

Cam: I know you, Seeley. You're going do it. You want to do it. You're not really doing it, but it's still doing it, even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.

Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.

Cam: And what will it do for you?

Booth: She'll get what she wanted!

Cam: A piece of you?

Sweets: But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.

Booth: God, you know, don't say it like that.

Sweets: I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.

Booth: Saying it like that is worse.

Sweets: Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.

The End in the Beginning [4.26]

Voiceover: People say you only live once. But people are as wrong about that as they are about everything. On the darkest moment before dawn, a woman returns to her bed. What life is she living? Is the same life this woman was living half an hour ago? A day ago? A year ago?

Brennan: Cam says everybody thinks I'm a cold fish.

Booth: What you are is Iceland: cool to the touch, but underneath you're all volcano!

Brennan: I don't like people thinking that I'm a cold fish.

Booth: Look, if you were really a cold fish, you wouldn't care.

Brennan: You used logic on me! That's sweet! [They smile.] Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you.

Booth: Jared thinks, you know, I'm the killer, and he's helping me get away with it.

Brennan: So you're a murderer; I'm unfaithful. We are a very exciting couple!

Vincent: You and I are not in collusion.

Zack: Why not?

Vincent: Because you're the type of moron who goes to jail for a murder he didn't commit. And I, uh, am not.

Brennan: So did the police try to convince you I was having an affair with Arastoo?

Booth: It's what they do, you know? They drive wedges.

Brennan: It wouldn't be irrational to think I was having an affair with him. He is very handsome.

Booth: Yeah, I'd feel it if the energy was bad between the two of us. I'd know. The same way that you would know that I couldn't murder someone.

Brennan: I believe you would murder someone for me, and I believe you'd lie about it so I wouldn't have to carry the burden.

Voiceover: You see two people and you think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, and that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.

The Harbingers In the Fountain [5.1]

Booth: I do not like cats.

Sweets: Well, that's consistent with the person you were before your brain surgery.

Booth: I don't own a nightclub, I'm not married to Bones, you are not a singing bartender and I hate clowns. So, can I go back to work now?

Sweets: When our sense of reality is challenged - you know - really challenged, it can take some time to regain our footing.

Booth: Look, it's been six weeks since I put my brain box through the blender, there. I am back, baby, huh! Special Agent Seeley Joseph Booth!

[Angela has enlisted the services of a psychic, Avalon Harmonia, to perform a tarot reading on Brennan]

Avalon: This man was lost. You brought him the light that showed him the way home. Without it he would have died.

Angela: Booth was in a coma. Brennan read him the book that she was writing. When he woke up he thought that they had a whole different life together, he thought they were married. He thought that for days.

Avalon: You were joined at that time. You're still joined.

Brennan: [Getting up to leave.] Nothing either of you is saying makes sense.

Avalon: [Turns over another card] Were you pregnant?

Brennan: [Dismissively] What? No, of course not.

Avalon: I mean in your book.

Brennan: [Stares, surprised, for a moment] No, I deleted the book. I'm tired, Angela, I'm going to go check in at the office then go home. Nice to meet you, Miss Harmonia. [Leaves]

Angela: [About Brennan] Underneath the icy exterior beats a very warm heart.

Avalon: Her life is at a very critical turning point. Between great happiness - [She turns over a card.]

Angela: [Reading the card] That's "Death".

[Avalon gives Angela a meaningful look but says nothing.]

Cam: What's really on your mind?

Booth: [Sighs, troubled] All right, um, that place that, uh, I went to, you know, in my coma dream? It was just, Bones and I, it was so real.

Cam: [Bluntly] You're in love with Dr. Brennan.

[Booth is shocked, Cam just smiles gently.]

Booth: [After a pause] What I'm wondering is, am I the same guy?

Cam: A sweet, kick-ass FBI murder solver with hard fists and a lion heart? Mmm, yep, you're still him. My advice, for what it's worth, is forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.

Booth: Right, and tell Bones how I feel.

Cam: Yes. Except, be sure about your feelings, because if you crack that shell and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.

Sweets: Do you know what you're looking at?

Booth: Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you haven't been this close to one in a long time.

Sweets: It's a PET scan of your brain.

Booth: Hmm. Then I was wrong.

Sweets: This is called the ventral tegmental area, and this is the dorsal caudate body. Now these two areas have been proven to be linked to romantic love and sexual arousal.

Booth: If this is your version of dirty pictures, they're not working for me right now. [Closes the laptop computer.]

Sweets: No. [Reopens computer] This scan was taken before your operation. The green and blue areas indicate low activity. The same scan while you were in the coma: lit up like the fourth of July. You were dreaming of being in love, of being married, right? [changes image] The same scan, three days ago. Before your operation you were not in love. After your operation you were. Conclusion: your feelings are not real and will fade away, like every other symptom. Now, I think you and I both know that Dr. Brennan's hyper-rationale is really just a cover for a very vulnerable and sensitive core.

Booth: Well, great. So we're talking about Bones' brain, too, here now.

Sweets: So, if you breach those defenses and it turns out you don't really love her -- [puts PET scans on table] -- I left you hard copies.

Avalon Harmonia: Dr. Brennan, how are you feeling?

Brennan: Well, they gave me medication, so I feel how I imagine people of average intelligence feel all the time. I came here to see if you ran away.

Avalon: No, I'm here looking for clues. Something I might have missed.

Brennan: In your cards? Because that is a waste of time.

Avalon: You say that after I sent Agent Booth to save your life.

Brennan: Well, you knew where the bodies were buried. You knew Dr. Leacock would attack me.

Avalon: [turns over a card] You were an abandoned child. [turns over another card] The world scares you, so you wrap it up neatly in bonds of reason, education and proof. All riddles are solvable to you, except for one.

Brennan: Yes, the riddle of how you knew where your sister was buried.

Avalon: No. The riddle you can't solve is how somebody could love you.

Brennan: [laughs dismissively] Well, I'm beautiful and very intelligent.

Avalon: The answer to the question you're afraid to say out loud is: yes, he knows the truth about you, and he is dazzled by that truth.

The Bond In The Boot [5.2]

Sweets: Do you want my advice?

Brennan: No.

Sweets: Okay, if you really want to help Booth, you should let him teach you about plumbing.

Brennan: I'm a wealthy, accomplished woman. Why would I want to learn a menial skill?

Sweets: Well, for Booth, so he can regain whatever he feels he's lost. I think, for once, it would be beneficial if you were the student.

Brennan: Shouldn't we be honest with each other?

Booth: We're honest! I mean, aren't you? I mean, I am.

Brennan: So you have no problem with me making so much more money than you.

Booth: No. [Brennan makes a face] Well, yeah, but it's -- it's a little weird. I mean, you're loaded. You're really loaded, and you still don't even have a flat screen. That's just kind of weird, to be honest. It's a little French, if you ask me.

Brennan: Rutledge said the bug was checked out in your name.

Mandy: I got the bug because I was afraid Greg was cheating on me.

Booth: So why didn't you mention this before?

Mandy: We weren't supposed to date! I guess it's not like the FBI. We're not allowed to sleep with someone we're working with.

Brennan: Is she talking about us?

Booth: We're not.

Brennan: No!

Mandy: Oh, it's okay. I'm CIA. My lips are sealed.

The Plain in the Prodigy [5.3]

Clark: I'm more of a lab rat, Dr. Brennan. Perhaps somebody more outdoorsy would be better.

Brennan: Clark, if there's spinal damage that corresponds to the compression fractures on the long bones, we could have cause of death. I need those bones. You're the most qualified. Don't scratch your neck with the gloves!

Clark: [affects a Southern accent] Well, is it all right if I get a drink of water, boss? You know, it's awful hot out there, and them tools is mighty heavy.

Brennan: Of course you can get water. Why are you talking like that?

Clark: Nevermind. I'll go.

Brennan: You just said you were having sex when you were sixteen.

Booth: That's different!

Brennan: Oh, so there's a double standard?

Booth: Of course! You know what, Cam needs to shut that down.

Brennan: I said that Michelle should wait until she's at least seventeen and a half.

Booth: Is that how old you were?

Brennan: No, I was 22.

Booth: Twenty-two?!

Brennan: Don't -- why do you sound shocked?!

Booth: No, it's just that that's a good age. Twenty-two??

Brennan: It was an important decision! I gave it a lot of thought. I finally found a man who could provide a skillful introduction.

Booth: You make it sound like it was a class that you took. You know, the first time you should be in love. You know, totally goo-goo for the other person.

Brennan: Were you when you were sixteen?

Booth: Well part of me was.

Michelle: I'm scared. Is that weird? I mean, it's just sex, right? It's all over the TV and everywhere.

Cam: Whoa, there's no such thing as 'just sex', Michelle. Every time you give a bit of yourself to the person you're with. So it's okay to wait as long as you want.

Michelle: I don't want to lose Perry.

Cam: If Perry doesn't understand how you feel, he doesn't deserve you.

The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood [5.4]

Cam: Were you guys aware that Arastoo doesn't really have an accent?

Booth: Yeah, he does. It's thicker than Ahmed the rug merchant. Was that racist? It sounded racist.

Sweets: [watches Cam walk into his office without knocking] No, no, no. You can't just walk in here!

Cam: Arastoo Vasiri, our Muslim intern, he's been faking his accent. At first I go where everyone else goes, you know? [singsong voice] Terrorist!

Sweets: Wouldn't a terrorist fake not having an accent?

Cam: Is it crazy or just weird? Weird I can deal with, but crazy? [shakes head and begins to leave the office]

Sweets: Wait. What do you want me to do?

Cam: Crazy's your department.

Paula Lindbergh: I was afraid this would come up when I heard you took Trey in for questioning.

Booth: You're right, so start talking.

Paula: I should never have made Elliot move to the suburbs. In a way, I emasculated him.

Brennan: Oh, God. She's a therapist. She talks like a therapist.

[...]

Brennan: Interlocking lines of persuasion between members of the collective result in multiple duplicities.

Paula: Oh, my God. She's an anthropologist. She talks like an anthropologist!

Booth: It takes a village, Bones.

Brennan: I beg your pardon?

Booth: A village to raise a kid properly! It takes a village!

Brennan: Metaphorically. It doesn't mean we must all grow up in hamlets of 800 people or less.

Booth: Thanks. Will you be my village?

Brennan: Huh?

Booth: I need Parker to know that I lead a full and rewarding life.

Brennan: But you don't.

Booth: What?? Yes, I do!

Brennan: No, you don't. You work too much, you don't socialize, all which prevents you from having a sex life.

Booth: Okay, let's take a hint from the suburbs and just make it look good.

Brennan: Wait, you to know if I'll help you fool your son into thinking your life is gratifying?

Booth: Yeah! Will you do it?

Brennan: Well, how?

Booth: Come to dinner with us, have fun, laugh at my jokes.

Brennan: That might actually turn out to be fun, thus becoming a self fulfilling desire.

Booth: Right! So, you'll do it?

Brennan: Yes! I will be your hamlet of 800 people or less.

Parker: Can't you be his girlfriend?

Brennan: That would be inappropriate.

Parker: Why?

Brennan: Because we work together.

Parker: That's a stupid reason.

Booth: Bones, I'm really not comfortable with the questions you're asking.

Brennan: Booth, could you maybe trust me for a second? Trust that I can say the right thing? In the time I've been with you I've learned a lot about how to deal with people. [looks to Parker] Your father is very, very good with people.

Parker: Then why doesn't he have a girlfriend?

Booth: And we're off! [gets a look from Brennan] Okay. All right.

Brennan: Can I ask you a question? [Parker nods] Why do you think your father needs a girlfriend so much?

Booth: Bones, there's a whole gender/parent bond thing going on here. He's just going to get confused.

Parker: So I can have a pool!

Brennan: He doesn't sound confused.

A Night at the Bones Museum [5.5]

Cam: What are you doing here, Sweets?

Angela: He's Daisy's trainer. If she attacks, he can put her down.

Angela: Hey! How could you not tell me you were on a date when I texted you?

Brennan: It was just drinks!

Angela: Celibate. Seeking crumbs. Spill.

Brennan: He's Booth's boss's boss. His name is Andrew.

Angela: Wait, this is his boss's boss? Was Booth upset?

Brennan: Yes. I don't know why.

Angela: Brennan, this could screw up the natural order of things, and Booth wishes that you were going out with him.

Brennan: I drink with him all the time, but with Andrew there is the potential for sex.

Angela: And not with Booth?

Sweets: Dr. Saroyan, I'm having some serious problems with Daisy. Can I ask your advice?

Cam: No.

Sweets: No, really.

Cam: Really. I have a sixteen year old, and believe me, when it comes to dating advice, I am batting a red hot zero.

Sweets: But you've been through this like a million times yourself!

Cam: Did you just call me old?

Booth: Bones doesn't feel pressure to act or do or say anything that she doesn't want to, and no one, no one, can make her. That's what makes her Bones.

Brennan: I have to speak. I hate these things.

Booth: What are you talking about, Bones? You're great at these things. Listen, you changed history. How many people can say that?

Brennan: You can. Every arrest you make changes history. You make the world safer.

Booth: With your help. So, Andrew. You were going to take him to this thing. At least that's what you told me.

Brennan: I was, yes, but you and I -- this was our case. I guess what goes on between us, that should just be ours. Isn't that what you said?

Booth: Yeah.

The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken [5.6]

Josh Parsons: Are you here to protect them while they mistreat and torture the chickens on this farm and the people who live downwind of its foul emanations?!

Booth: You practice that speech much, pal?

Brennan: We found Nick Rabin's body.

Booth: As of now you are our number one suspect.

Parsons: Please, I didn't kill anyone. I'm an extreme pacifist.

Brennan: That's an oxymoron. You're either extreme or pacifist. You can't be both.

Booth: I'm losing it. I'm not up to speed here. I woke up this morning and I realized that I didn't even know if I liked brown sugar on my oatmeal.

Brennan: Next time call me. You like brown sugar on everything!

Booth: I'm the one who is supposed to know if people are lying. Who do I call for that?

Brennan: Sweets.

Booth: Sweets?!

Brennan: You said he's like a human lie detector test!

Booth: I don't like things at half speed, you know? I'm a full speed kind of a guy.

Brennan: Well, even at half speed you're twice as fast as anyone else.

Brennan: You noticed something! See! You've still got it!

Booth: You're not going to ask me what I saw?

Brennan: Do I want to know?

Booth: No. Do you want to know anyway?

Brennan: Nope. It can wait. I trust you.

Quoternity