Brian Regan

Brian Regan is an American stand-up comedian. Regan uses observational humor, keeping his performances relatively clean by refraining from blue humor, sexual references, or obscenities. Regan's material typically covers everyday events, such as shipping a package with UPS, ordering phone service, going to the eye doctor and playing racquetball. Regan makes frequent references to childhood, including little league baseball, the grade school spelling bee and science projects.

From Brian Regan Live: Stupid in School http://www.brian-regan.com/Regan/transcript.html

• "Brian, what's the i before e rule?"
  

"I before e... always."

"What are you, an idiot, Brian?"

"Well apparently."

So she explains it.

"No, Brian. It's i before e except after c and when sounding like a as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May, and you'll always be wrong no matter what you say!"

That's a hard rule. That's a- that's a rough rule.