CSI: NY Quotations

CSI: NY is an American police procedural television series. A hit spinoff of Crime Scene Investigations and set in New York City.

Blink [1.1]

Jason (second vic's boyfriend): I never saw that house. I swear on my grandmother.

Don Flack: Let me arrest him for swearing on his grandmother.

Stella Bonasera: What time did you get in?

Mac Taylor: I never went home.

Stella: Can't sleep?

Mac: What's sleep?

Mac: You're not a doctor, you're a murderer with a medical degree.

Flack: He's harmless. Think he's all about the dog, you know?

Danny: Good morning, dear.

Stella: Do I have a tail back there?

Danny: Sorry. Good morning, Stella.

Stella: Better.

[sitting with their comatose victim in the hospital]

Mac: I used to sit like this with my wife. Her name was Claire. She died, on 9/11. Nobody saw it coming. I was cleaning out the closet the other day and I found this beach ball. And I remembered it was my wife who blew it up. I never told anybody this, but I got rid of everything that reminded me of Claire; too painful. The one thing I couldn't throw away . . . was that beach ball. Her breath is still in there.

Creatures of the Night [1.2]

Mac Taylor: (to Stella) Use your head, not your heart.

(Flack apprehends a suspect at a restaurant)

Suspect: Hey! I didn’t do nothing man.

Flack: Yeah? You got steak sauce all over my shoes.

Stella: She was in Central Park.

Mac: Looks like we've got ourselves an 800-acre crime scene.

Mac: Aiden's on rodent patrol, I'm waiting to do a rat-topsy.

Stella: Rape and rats. Worlds apart.

American Dreamers [1.3]

Mac Taylor: If this is a joke, I'm not laughing. These bones are real.

[ A skeleton has been found on a tour bus in Times Square. ]

Stella Bonasera: How long is this tour? (Mac looks at her disbelievingly) That's funny.

[A piece of paper was retrieved from the dead teenager on which only three letters could be read]

Stella: Playing hangman?

Mac: Actually, yes. But I've run out of letters.

Mac: Reality rarely lives up to expectation. Especially if you're a teenager.

Stella: If this case taught us anything, it was to live life.

Grand Master [1.4]

Stella: Are you going to be able to focus?

Danny: (who just watches a half-naked woman walking by) I'm all over it.

[They arrive at a Japanese restaurant known for serving food on half-naked women]

Stella: Now that can't be sanitary.

Danny: Who cares if it's sanitary? I wanna see the menu.

Don Flack: Last time I checked, the murder weapon we confiscated didn't have cute little legs, walking around from toolbox to toolbox.

Flack: George Thomas. Assault in the first degree. Aggravated assault in the second degree. Criminal possession of a weapon. I can go on, but I already read War and Peace.

Flack: Typical club death. 200 people inside, none of them saw anything.

Aiden: I used to climb over the velvet ropes at this place. Now I'm ducking under crime scene tape.

(They just arrested a young woman at the sushi bar)

Danny: Here we are looking for the murderer at the table...

Stella: And here, the murderer is the table.

A Man A Mile [1.5]

Danny: (to Tom Zito) I guess that dent in your head only affects the things you WANT to forget.

Flack: If a guy works up top, answer me one question. What was Pete Riggs doing down there 'cause he wasn't working.

Danny: I don't know how these guys work down here.

Mac: The same way we're going to. Rock by rock.

Outside Man [1.6]

Mac Taylor: I read your preliminary report. Good job, Danny, you're on the promotion grid.

Danny Messer: I can't wrap my head around it, Mac. I mean you get up, you go to work. You see the people you know. You talk, you laugh. You're livin' your life and suddenly boom, it's over. Just like that, and you never saw it comin'.

Sheldon Hawkes: Apart from the fact of it not being attached to a person, there's nothing wrong with this finger.

Mac: The place was closed?

Don Flack: 11 on the dot.

Danny: Sounds like an inside job.

Mac: Then that's where we'll start.

[Stella talks to wife of man obsessed with amputating his leg.]

Stella: You'll have to make arrangements with the ME's office for his body.

Wife: He didn't want his body when he was alive. I certainly don't want it now that he's dead.

Danny: This guy's shot in the head, carries someone else upstairs, and manages to call the cops?

(flashback with Terrel dragging the body)

Aiden: I'd say that qualifies for hero status.

Danny: Criminals are like animals. They leave tracks, we follow them.

Rain [1.7]

Stella Bonasera: There's something gooey here.

Mac Taylor: Gooey? There's a good forensic word. Gooey. I'll have to use that more

(Mac who previously made fun of Stella for her use of the word gooey, uses it himself.)

Mac: Some sort of 'gooey' residue on the top of the piece of paper.

Stella: (smirks) Great choice of words.

Stella: With all this rain, it's not like Mother Nature's playing ball.

Mac: Then it's time to change the game.

(Flack walks up to Willet with Aiden while introducing themselves as cops).

Luther Willett: Wow, cops round here just get prettier every day.

Flack: Watch it.

Luther Willet: Oh, hey, don't get upset. I just got out of prison. You both look good to me. (Willet smirks)

Mac: And you're sure this came from Hummel's gun?

Danny: Absolutely. He doesn't deny discharging his weapon.

Mac: But ... ?

Danny: If Marvin's story is true about what happened, and he was shooting at the bad guys -- this bullet discharged from his gun and stopped midair and then turned left and then hit the pillar.

Three Generations Are Enough [1.8]

Mac: A paranoid schizophrenic's worst nightmare.

Stella: He doesn't just think we're out to get him. We are.

Danny: With all this cash lying around, you'd think a guy could afford new rounds.

Mac: With all the evidence we've collected, you'd think we could find Charles Langdon.

[Paul Streyzewski is saying how he kissed the vic.]

Flack: Now, how does that thought process work? 'There's the mother of my child on the ground dead. I should probably call 9-1-1 but let me get a little action first.'

[Hawkes and Stella are figuring out Trina's official cause of death]

Stella: So, we've got a murder.

[Hawkes nods]

Stella: Now all we have to do is find the crime scene that goes with it.

Officer Blue [1.9]

Stella Bonasera: Let's pimp this ride.

Mac: You're a fine CSI, Stella. I can honestly say, I wouldn't do this job without you.

Stella: Yes, you would. You just wouldn't be as good.

Mac: [smiles] Maybe.

Flack: We sent the word out and got next to nothing. I spoke to a lot of eyewitnesses. I got everything under the sun. He was shot from a tree. He fell off his horse and shot himself. One lady said aliens came down. This city's full of nuts.

Aiden: [to Detective Thacker]: Do me a favor. Don't check out my ass when a kid's dead in the street. Show some respect.

Flack: [to Willey Chancey]: Your last call was 18 minutes long. What? Was she giving you phone sex?

Chancey: Yeah. You want the number?

Stella: We haven't had a fight like that in a long time. Reminds me of the old Mac Taylor.

Mac: What old Mac Taylor is that?

Stella: The one who let his heart out of his chest every once in a while.

Night, Mother [1.10]

[Aiden tries to pick the pocket of a training dummy without ringing the bell, but she can't]

Danny Messer: You're such a girl.

Aiden Burn: (smacking him in the head) Shut up.

Flack: I'm telling you, Mac, she killed Rachel Camden.

Mac: What's your rush to put this woman away?

Flack: You saw her. What's your rush not to?

Mac: In all my years of doing this, there's one thing I've learned. Sometimes the slam dunks are the most deceiving.

Tri-Borough [1.11]

Don Flack: So let me get this straight. A crapsicle killed this guy?

Don Flack: Deodorizers? The guy smelled like ass!

Aiden Burn: Benzosothyazolonal.

Don Flack: Whoa. Benzosothyazolonal?

Aiden Burn: You know what that is?

Don Flack: (pause) No.

Aiden: Anybody see anything?

Flack: When does anybody ever see anything?

Flack: Two crappers, no connection.

Mac: Slick was dead before he hit the subway tracks.

Stella: So, we're looking at an electrocution to cover up an electrocution.

John James: I didn't kill anyone. "Inhumanity" is authentic, 100 percent.

Danny: Well, it's 100 percent mine now. Sorry.

Recycling [1.12]

Stella Bonasera: All right, Danny. How does the DNA from the fingernail scrapings on the knife not match Brett Stokes? I mean, she's got 'motive' tattooed on her forehead.

Danny Messer: Hey, don't kill the messenger...see what I did there?

Stella Bonasera: Cute.

[Stella has just won a bet that she and Mac made on the outcome of the dog show]

Mac Taylor: You're going to make me pay?

Stella: Yeah, I'm going to make you pay.

Mac: I thought you were kidding.

Stella: Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

[Danny is looking through a ladies' magazine, looking for a sample of lotion found on a murder weapon]

Stella: You know, if you wanted beauty tips, all you had to do was ask.

Danny Messer: Did you know that waterproof mascara dries out your eyelashes? That's amazing!

Hawkes: At first, I thought this might have been a postmortem dog bite.

Mac: Those are no canine's canines.

Tanglewood [1.13]

Mac Taylor: We've got the best forensics tool money can't buy. Snow.

[Stella sees a Derek Jeter bobblehead on the dashboard of an SUV she and Mac are processing]

Stella Bonasera: Who is that on the dashboard? Mickey Mantle?

Mac Taylor: Looks kind of like Derek Jeter.

Stella Bonasera: Derek Jeter from the Yankees, right?

Mac Taylor: Yeah.

Stella Bonasera: Didn't they get beat by Boston or something?

Mac Taylor: We were up three to zero and then we got swept. But we're trying to forget that.

Stella Bonasera: I'm not much into baseball, but A-Rod's kind of hot.

Danny: So this is where it all goes down.

Aiden: Or up. Make sure you keep your gloves on.

Danny: You know, I didn't think it would be this clean.

Aiden: Come on. Act like you've never been to a place like this before.

Danny: You kidding me? I've got girlfriends for that. Why would I pay?

Aiden: All right, you. You're paying one way or another,..trust me.

Danny: Hey, Crouching Aiden, Hidden Burn. You're on this case, that case, the other case.

Stella: Hey Mac, I got pearls.

Mac: Pearls? From who?

Stella: Not those kinds of pearls. I've got good news on our case.

Blood, Sweat, and Tears [1.14]

Mac Taylor: The stereotype is kids run away to join the circus. Where do kids already in the circus go?

Stella Bonasera: Apparently the elephant enclosure.

Flack: Both the super and the downstairs neighbor say they haven't seen her in over a week.

Danny: Yeah, well that don't mean anything. I've lived in my apartment over three years now. My neighbors don't recognize me.

Flack: Better hope you don't go missing, pal.

Jason Cartey: I am not a criminal.

Flack: Yes, you are. We're just trying to figure out what kind.

[They lift out what they thought was a trunk from the sand.]

Stella: That's not a trunk. It's a box!

Mac: It's not a box. It's a coffin.

Til Death Do We Part [1.15]

Mac Taylor: It could happen to you, you know.

Danny Messer: What, marriage?

Mac: Love.

Danny: Don't even joke about that, Mac. It's not funny.

Aiden: Did you find anything else?

Flack: I haven't gone in yet.

Aiden: What?? Flack, you little scaredy cat, you don't believe these stories about this place being haunted?

Flack: I was doing my job, Aiden: getting statements from witnesses.

Aiden: Stel, you smell that?

Stella: Yeah. Chicken. Well, I did hear the one about the monk who went crazy and killed the others is true.

Flack: The 1-2-2 gets calls about strange noises coming from this place all the time.

Aiden: Will you stop? That's just an old urban legend.

Stella: Aiden, I think you'd better hold Flack's hand.

Flack: Yeah, okay...cute.

Flack: Lot of high school kids hang out here. Initiations, gangs, satanic rituals...

Aiden: A good place to get high...or get laid.

Maka: [about Hannah Bloom] Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'cold feet'.

Danny: If I said something like that, you'd call me insensitive.

Maka: No, I'd ask if you wanted to get a drink later. I'm attracted to a man with a dark sense of humor.

Mac: Do you two want to be alone? I'll just drag the body outside.

Hush [1.16]

[Stella and Mac stare at the flattened victim.]

Stella Bonasera: I'm going to call Hawkes.

Mac Taylor: Tell him to bring a spatula.

Danny: Maybe she was a hitchhiker.

Aiden: Who hitchhikes nude?

unknown man: Ah, you must be the Andersons. You're late for class.

Danny: Yeah, traffic was murder.

Danny: You hungry?

Aiden: Yeah

Danny: Grab a bite to eat?

[Aiden nods]

Danny: I'll drive. Put you on the hood?

Aiden: [she smacks his arm] Put you on the hood.

[Danny laughs]

Danny: You take the bottom. I'll take the top.

Aiden: I like being on top.

Danny: What? You getting freaky with me because we got the bondage case?

Danny: Get that to Jane Parsons in DNA.

Aiden: Okay

Danny: [cracks whip] NOW!

The Fall [1.17]

Danny Messer: Most feared man in New York dies from fear of his own wife.

Aiden Burn: And she was the only one that loved him.

Flack: I really wish I wasn't a part of this.

Stella: Well, Mac wants to make sure you are.

Flack: He obviously enjoys seeing me nail a friend.

[investigating the scene above the canopy]

Aiden: Well, too bad birds can't talk because there's a robin's nest like twelve feet away.

Danny: Bird's eye view.

Aiden: [laughing] You had to say it, right?

Danny: What are ya gonna do?

Flack: Mac?

Mac: What?

Flack: If it was his son...

Mac: Flack, I need your head on straight.

Flack: It is.

The Dove Comission [1.18]

Aiden: (walking into a strip club) Holy boob job, Batman.

Danny: How's it going with the gypsy cab driver? Did you bring him back to life so he can just tells us who killed him?

Hawkes: I haven't attended that seminar yet.

[Danny is questioning a Mr. Arnold, who just admitted to being at a strip club]

Danny: I'm sure you were just sharing stock tips with her, right? What's her name?

Mr Arnold: Savannah. But, you know, I don't think it was her real name.

Danny: Nah. You think?

Sheldon: You know what my favorite games was when I was kid?

Mac: Jacks?

Sheldon: Operation.

[He holds up a pair of tweezers and then uses them to remove a bullet from the body of a gunshot victim]

Mac: His nose didn't buzz red. Well done!

Crimes & Misdemeanors [1.19]

Mac: [to Stella] I love the smell of a cover-up in the afternoon, don't you?

Stella Bonasera: What do you do when you can't sleep?

Mac Taylor: Work.

Stella: What do normal people do when they can't sleep?

Robert Costa: I'm as American as you are. Andover, Columbia undergrad, and a master's from Yale.

Flack: Yeah? Guess what? Where I come from, it still makes you a foreigner.

Tom Martin: Your tactics don't frighten me.

Mac: It's not my tactics you need to worry about. It's my results.

Supply and Demand [1.20]

Delroy: I can't feel my ribs!

Aiden Burn: Oh, you will soon, and it's gonna hurt like a bastard.

Flack: There's nothing more depressing than looking at a rich kid's moneyline.

Aiden Burn: [gruffly] Show me your hands.

Suspect: What's the magic word?

Aiden Burn: Hands.

[Stella and Flack just leave a loud altercation with Jordan, her father, and their lawyer.]

Flack: When I'm the cooler head, you know you blew it.

Stella: I blew it? What about Buffy the friend-slayer over there?

Diane the lawyer: My client has nothing to say.

Stella: That's okay. I'm in a chatty mood. [Behind her, Flack smirks.]

Hawkes: The fatal shot to the head was an act of mercy after the beating he took.

Mac: What did the witness see?

Flack: Nothing. She heard a ruckus through her wall, then the gunshot, discovered him here.

Mac: She ran towards the sound of a gunshot? Must not be a New Yorker.

Flack: [grinning] She's from South Carolina. The whole building's full of students.

On the Job [1.21]

Stella Bonasera: Any idea what they used to hit her?

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: There's granular particulate matter in her wound. At first I thought it was dirt, but then I took it under the autopsy scope: feldspar, quartz, and a pinch of mica.

Stella: Granite.

Hawkes: Yeah.

Bonasera: So, the murder weapon was a rock.

Hawkes: And judging from the head wound, I would be looking for a rock with a V-shaped edge.

Bonasera: [sarcastically] Oh, well that's good to know. Narrows down my search.

Mac Taylor: [To Hawkes] You are the man of many talents.

Hawkes: You know, there was this time I wanted to be a sculptor. [Mac looks suprised]

Flack: Don't hang yourself, Danny.

Danny: You want to know what this feels like? It feels like I'm already being hung.

The Closer [1.22]

[Danny had a chase scene with Tony who climbed a fence and Danny jumped up and caught him.]

Danny: If there's one thing I hate more than running, it's leaping. You're not my favorite person today.

Stella: Why haven't you taken your wedding ring off?

Mac: Because, uh, I don't know. I don't want to.

Aiden: How does a potential shortstop become a crime-scene investigator?

Danny: That's real easy. Get into a fight, break your wrist, and then graduate from the police academy, top of my class.

Aiden: Dangerous, Danny Messer.

Danny: Very dangerous.

Stella: A Boston fan in the Bronx? Very brave.

Danny: He's stupid. Very stupid. Boston's tough. New York better get it together.

Mac: When the Towers fell and Claire died, it was the clearest definition of what is unjust and unfair in this world, and I was powerless to do anything about it.

What You See is What You See [1.23]

Don Flack: (to Mac) Well, I'm never going to get a better eyewitness account than this - what did you see?

Mac Taylor: [to Stella] That's what I like about you; you always get the details right.

Mac: Make any headway with the D.A. finding out who's handling our C.I.?

Flack: Textbook example of an departmental turf battle -- Steve Collins might as well be handled by E.T. as far as I can find out.

Mac: That's why we don't rely on eyewitness testimony. I saw what I saw, but the evidence knows what was really going on.

Summer in the City [2.1]

Sheldon Hawkes: [regarding the victim's brain] It's about 98 degrees out here, the pavement is very hot, any remaining pieces are more than likely fried.

Stella Bonasera: I knew this would be a no-brainer for you.

Hawkes: She didn't just say that.

Don Flack; Mac: She did.

Mac Taylor: [about mosquitoes] Only the female of the species bite.

Stella: Good for her!

Mac: Did you know that Hawkes is a walking encyclopedia of tidbit information?

Stella: That's good. Now you can go to him instead of Google.

Aiden: [Stella is examining a diamond.] I've been processing dirt all day and you've been shopping at Tiffany's.

Danny Messer: It's hot a little bit, eh?

Stella: What the hell are you wearing that jacket for?

Danny: Ah, my mother still dresses me.

Stella: We all have that one case that haunts us.

Grand Murder at Central Station [2.2]

Don Flack: We got some whackadoo running around throwing acid in people's faces?

Mac Taylor: Not acid...lye.

Flack: All right. Well, I'll start with the nuts in this city and work my way up.

Danny: [Sees Scagnetti walk in with a pink bag] Oh, Detective Prada. That's a nice bag, matches your shoes perfectly.

Scagnetti: [sarcastically] You're a funny guy, Messer.

Mac: You on break?

Sheldon Hawkes: I'm just taking five minutes to eat. That's okay, isn't it?

Mac: Eating is frowned upon, Hawkes. [Hawkes moves to put everything away] I'm kidding.

Mac: It never ceases to amaze me how men of higher education can commit such...stupid crimes.

Mac: There are three things that I'll protect at any cost. The honor of this country, the safety of this city, and the integrity of this lab.

Zoo York [2.3]

Mac: [to Flack] Hey, you're sneezing on my crime scene.

Mac: [talking to Lindsay in the tiger's cage] I need you to hold the tiger's jaw so I can get the dental impression.

Danny: [whispering] Just take a deep breath. Don't let him know that you're afraid, 'cause he can sense when you're nervous.

Lindsay: The tiger's been tranquilized. I think I can handle it.

Danny: I'm talking about Mac. And make sure you call him "sir."

Mac: [after Lindsay calls him 'Sir' various times] And don't call me "sir".

Stella: It's all about pain, Hawkes. How much you're willing to endure to look good.

Marty: I'd say your debutante's been dead about 6 hours.

Stella: Debutante?

Marty: I didn't find any lines on her finger to indicate she was wearing an engangement or marriage ring, plus take in her age, dress, time of year, it all equals debutante season.

Stella: Don't tell me. You were an escort?

Marty: I attended a debutante ball. [pause] I was waiting tables.

Mac: Excuse me, are you Ryan Knight?

Ryan Knight: No, I'm -- [swings duffle bag at Mac's head, then runs, only to be knocked down by Lindsay and cuffed by Mac]

Mac: What do they feed you up there in Montana?

Corporate Warriors [2.4]

Mac Taylor: Don't quote me on this, Lindsay, but sometimes -- [lifts the head of the vic off the body] -- not everything's connected.

Danny: So, we're looking for a combination of Spiderman and Minnesota Fats.

Stella: I think the Italians got it right. Live to eat, not eat to live.

Danny: That's what I'm talking about.

Flack: How do you leave a kid alone?

Hawkes: Mom had to work.

Flack: Kids don't even need to look for trouble to find it.

Dancing With the Fishes [2.5]

[Lindsay walks into Mac's office with a bottle of hydrogen sulfide on a tray.]

Mac Taylor: Hydrogen sulfide?

Lindsay Monroe: I borrowed it from the trace lab. Stuff stinks. That rotten egg smell. It's absolutely awful.

Mac: Yes, I'm aware of that. Why is it in my office?

Lindsay: For science

Mac: I don't believe that for a second.

Vincent: That's 'cause you're a cop.

Stella Bonasera: No. It's because people lie.

Sheldon Hawkes: Death by swordfish. Man, I love being in the field.

Shayna: I've got rights. You can't just go through my locker.

Don Flack: Not yet. But in 20 minutes, when the warrant gets here, your world opens up.

Danny Messer: This guy's foul. Smells worse than dead.

Hawkes: Fish.

Flack: Kia was a winner.

Stella: And her lucky numbers add up to 17 million dollars.

Mac: And 17 million motives.

Flack: [to Shayna] I've heard your sob-story. Now, I'm waiting to see what the knife in your locker has to say.

Flack: Goodbye, suicide.

Stella: Hello, murder.

Youngblood [2.6]

[Mac finds a homemade gun]

Don Flack: And you have no idea how it got like that, right?

Mike Adams: It's a mystery to me, man.

Flack: Join the club.

Mac: His belt's undone.

Stella: The woman in heels either knew him or was about to.

[after hearing the suspect's statement]

Stella: Fitting in. You're going to do a lot of that. Let's say for the next...15 years.

Hawkes: The way I see it, homeless people are missing people.

Manhattan Manhunt [2.7]

Horatio Caine: Last thing Darius said in Miami, he was coming to New York to make things right.

Stella Bonasera: (Looking at Alexa's body) Think he has?

Mac Taylor: Not even close.

Horatio: That is a stria match.

Stella: The bullets are lining up like the Rockettes at Christmas.

Stella: Tiffany's. Now you're talking my language.

Mac: You can tell from a map?

Stella: Are you kidding? I can tell from the moon. Love those little blue boxes.

[to Darius in holding cell]

Mac: Me? I don't pity you, Darius. There's lots of people with worse stories than yours and they never hurt anyone. You killed twelve people in two states over the last seventy-two hours, and you want me to feel sorry for you because your daddy didn't kiss you when you were a baby? You asked for my help. I did help you. You're where you belong. [pauses] Rot in hell, you son of a bitch.

Bad Beat [2.8]

Lindsay Monroe: Footage from your 30th birthday, Messer?

Danny Messer: Walrus documentary, actually.

Sheldon Hawkes: It's Tara Stansfield, our vic from the park.

Lindsay Monroe: Who's the other walrus?

Lindsay: Ah, now, see? That's a shame.

Mac Taylor: What's a shame?

Lindsay: Somebody went and threw away a perfectly good shotgun.

[Lindsay is digging through a dumpster looking for evidence]

Lindsay: This new-girl stuff has really got to stop.

Mac: It's better than digging through tiger dung.

Lindsay: Funny.

[Flack starts breaking cigars in half]

Robert: Do you have any idea how much that costs?

Flack: Now? Nothing.

[Flack breaks another cigar]

Flack: Hey Stell.

Stella: Yeah?

Flack: That smell Cuban to you?

[Stella sniffs the cigar]

Stella: Can't tell. Better break another one.

Flack: You play poker?

Stella: Occasionally. You have a problem with that?

Flack: Yeah. You're physically incapable of keeping a straight face.

Stella: Really?

Flack: Now Mac. There's a man with a poker face. Who knows what he's thinking?

Hawkes: …Put time of death at least 8 hours ago.

Danny: Actually… (looks at his watch) 10 hours and 13 minutes.

Hawkes: It's impossible to be that exact on ToD.

Danny: You think so, Einstein?

Hawkes: Danny, I'm a certified pathologist. I know so.

Danny: Her coat is damp, I got caught in the rain last night. 20-minute torrential downpour: 8:45. Only the makeup on the right side of her face is streaked which means she was lying dead here when the rain began.

Hawkes: Showoff.

Male tenant: No, I didn't hear anything unusual. What happened?

Flack: A guy was shot down the hall.

Male tenant: Oh..yeah..I heard that.

Flack: Did you call 9-1-1?

Male tenant: No. Why?

Female tenant: Do you have any idea what time it is?

Flack: I'm sorry for the disturbance, ma'am, but-

Female tenant: I asked you a question.

Flack: Do I know what time it is? Yes, it's 3 am.

Female tenant: I ought to sue for harrasment.

(Female tenant slams door shut)

Flack: You have a good night now.

City of the Dolls [2.9]

[Lindsay is taking off her shoes before heading into a suspect's home.]

Danny Messer: You don't have to do that.

Lindsay Monroe: I was taught that, if you show a little respect, you might get more than you came for.

Danny: You be good cop, I'll be bad cop.

Lindsay: I guess you didn't grow up with hardwood floors.

Danny: No, actually, Bronx Marble.

Lindsay: What's that?

Danny: Linoleum.

[Lindsay puts her shoes back on after the talk with the suspect.]

Danny: I thought you were going to play good cop.

Lindsay: There's just something about that woman.

Danny: You make me nervous Mac, you got that look.

Mac: What look is that?

Danny: The one that says: "We're not quite finished, cancel your plans for the evening."

Maka: Never broke an arm off of your GI Joe?

Danny: Yeah, but I did it on purpose, casualty of war.

Danny: Miss Drake's been busy. There's more semen samples here than at a fertility clinic.

Harry: So, it'll probably be around a whole week or so before they can list the apartment on the market?

Flack: Yeah, we usually don't let the realtor show a place until we get the stink of death out of the carpeting. [Flack leaves to go back to her apartment]

Harry: Well, I just thought I'd ask. And the attitude is unnecessary. [Flack turns and gives him a look]

Jamalot [2.10]

Mac Taylor: It's a simple game. The jam is a two minute period where each team tries to score points by having their jammer lap members of the opposing team.

Stella Bonasera: You cannot know this.

Mac: Someone took me to a game.

Stella: Nobody would ever take you to a roller derby game. Oh, unless you were on a date.

Mac: It was fun.

Stella: The game or the date?

Mac: There's something rotten in the Kingdom of Jamalot.

Polly: My first time as a murder suspect and I don't even get the cop of my choice to bust my cuffs.

Flack: I'll send Detective Taylor your regards.

Polly: I'd like to send him a lot more than my regards.

Hawkes: Not a very creative body dump.

Danny: Does the job, right?

Trapped [2.11]

Lindsay Monroe: Funny how a little lube speeds up the processing.

[Lindsay and Mac are standing in front of a lube pit at a strip club]:

Mac Taylor: There might be some evidence in there.

Lindsay: Let me know what you find. (Mac gives her a look) I'll go get my boots. (Mac nods)

Danny Messer: Yeah, I think I saw this on an episode of The Flintstones.

Stella Bonasera: Cute.

Danny Messer: [is trapped in a panic room until somebody can get him out] This is getting better and better, and I'm not spending a week in here with a crazy dead guy trying to figure the code, so do me a favour, call a locksmith.

Danny Messer: [on panic-room monitor] So you're telling me I'm stuck in this spaceship until tomorrow morning?

Danny: Hey, crimestopper. Run to Ray's, grab me a slice, extra pepperoni, right? Bring it back. Just fold it up, slide it right through the hole.

Flack: That's no way to treat good pizza, Messer.

Danny: He's definitely in some kind of trouble.

Stella: Maybe you should cut him some slack. He is your brother.

Danny: If it's not trouble, he's probably looking for a handout.

Stella: Danny, help is on the way.

Danny: Well, I'll be in here.

(Locksmith made a tiny hole on the wall)

Locksmith: Can you see me?

Danny: Yeah, you're beautiful. Now get me out.

Stella: [repeating what the therapist just said] Hypnotherapy...

Flack: You're rich enough, you try things.

Flack: What have you got there?

Stella: Surfactant and hypochlorite.

Flack: And for those of us with just a high-school diploma?

Stella: Bleach.

Stella: That's it? No butler?

Flack: No.

Stella: Too bad. I thought we could wrap that one up quick.

Flack: What?

Stella: In a mansion like that, it's always the butler. Didn't you ever play Clue?

Flack: I was a Monopoly guy.

(About the burn victim)

Hawkes: Tattoo on the inner thigh, means eyes only, means our vic had a lover.

Marty: Lovers' spat? Things got a little heated?

Hawkes: Literally.

(About the burn victim)

Angie: Buyer beware. Kandy was a gold digger. I just wanted her next lover to know all the facts. I gave her everything she wanted. And she burned me.

Mac: Amd someone did the same to her.

(Marty is consulting Danny over the phone about how to examine the victim)

Marty: Lucky you're not claustrophobic. Me? I do not like confined spaces.

Danny: Why'd you choose a career that puts you in a windowless room with dead bodies then?

Marty: Ladies love the degree.

Danny: 6 years of med school to become a player, eh?

Marty: No...I was already a player, Messer. I just needed the bank to pay for my Porsche.

Danny: You know what? I officially hate you right now, all right?

Marty: (laughing) You done?

Danny: Yup. Only thing abnormal about this guy is the blood leaking from his neck.

Stella: Well you're gonna have to test it. Look around. Improvise.

Danny: Word of the day. Improvise.

(Marty & Danny talk about Time of Death)

Marty: Let's get a more precise TOD.

Danny: You're not serious.

Marty: There's gotta be a bathroom there, right?

Danny: Yeah.

Marty: Then be a good Boy Scout and go find a thermometer.

(Danny goes to the bathroom)

Danny: It's your lucky day, Doc.

Marty: Nice. Now plant it in the end zone, and put some points on the board.

(Danny doesn't say anything)

Marty: Messer? Is it in?

Danny: Gimme a sec. Rigor's setting in.

Marty: Welcome to my world.

Wasted [2.12]

Danny Messer: So one of them died from the paint and the other one died for the paint.

Adam: Perfect timing, fellas. We are looking down from 22,300 miles from space.

Danny: We found our spores here on earth, Adam.

Adam: I am a scientist without a badge, Danny. Trust me.

Sid: You are as smart as you are beautiful.

Stella: Don't flirt with me, Hammerback.

Sid: Yes, Detective.

Stella: [walking away] Stay focused.

Mac: [looking down the drain] Are you good with a wrench?

Danny: [chuckling to himself] Am I good with a wrench....

(Adam's examining fungal spores, and Danny walks in)

Adam: Hmmm. Aspergillus Sydowii.

Danny: I was just thinking about that.

Adam: It's the, uh...fungal spores found on Jennifer Fazotti's body.

Danny: Fungal spores. Says they're indigenous to the Sahara desert.

Adam: How does an African fungus end up on a murder victim in New York City?

Risk [2.13]

[Lindsay walks into the crime scene dressed in formal wear. Mac is already there in formal wear, having been to the mayor's party]

Danny Messer: Well, hello, Miss Monroe. You clean up nice. Were you at the mayor's party also?

Lindsay Monroe: I was at the opera.

Danny: I am hanging out with all the wrong people.

[Lindsay holds a shirt she ripped off a suspect who was trying to escape]

Danny: Nice collar, Montana.

Mac: 18 hour shift wasn't enough? Now you're catching bodies on the way home?

Danny: Nah, the bodies are catching me.

Mac: This kid was subway surfing...and he never made it out of the tube.

Flack: QT Jammer. Most notorious trader in Manhattan. This guy was a Rambo. Half a billion in assets, trades commodities for a living. You think betting the NFL's tough, try betting on pork bellies, coffee, or grain. How do you bet on grain?

Stella: Look, what I don't spend I put in the bank.

(Stella's waiting in autopsy, and Sid wheels out the body)

Sid: Uh, sorry for the delay. QT and I were busy necking.

Stella: Come again?

Sid: Necking.

(Stella looks confused)

Sid: Looking at his neck.

Stella: Oh.

Sid': You don't think I'd kiss a corpse, do you?

Stella: Oh, no, no.

Sid: That's disgusting.

Stella: I agree.

Sid: As long as we've got that straight.

Stella: So, Sid,...cause of death?

Conductor: Subway surfing was a lot more popular in the late 80's, 90's, but we still get these doot-da-doots every once in a while.

Lindsay: Doot-da whats?

Conductor: Doot-da-doots. You know, idiot, moron, knucklehead. Where you from, Jersey?

(A few moments later)

Lindsay: Did anybody cause any trouble? Any doot-da-doots get your attention?

Conductor: That's very nice. She used it in a sentence.

Flack: QT Jammer's dead.

Reiter: What'd he do? Jump out a window?

Stella: Now why would you say that?

(Talking about the shark tooth)

Mac: This tooth came right from the shark's mouth. So, the person who owned it caught the fish or knew the person who did.

Lindsay: That could be in Australia for all we know.

Adam: Hmm. My friend Grateloupia turuturu would beg to differ.

Mac: Brown algae?

Bobby Martin: It's a tragedy to all of us, Mrs Chandler, but the market goes on, by sunrise we'll be open for business and I'd be honored to make you a killing.

Stella: And I'd be honored to bust you for a killing.

Stella: As C-Exchange demands that all it's brokers get printed when they get their Series 7 license....

Hawkes: What it didn't say was whether you take chloroform with your coffee.

Stuck on You [2.14]

Mac Taylor: You guys are on the music promoter.

Danny Messer: Like glue. (Mac walks away laughing)

Lindsay Monroe: He doesn't think that's funny. He's humoring you.

Danny: You don't know him like I do.

Danny: (seeing Mac playing bass in a club) Get outta here. You're kidding me? How did you know he played?

Lindsay: I figured it out. I could tell by the way he held the bass in the lab that he knew guitars and I knew he had a standing appointment on Wednesday. Could have been a shrink or yoga. But I took the music option.

Danny: I'm impressed.

Lindsay: Maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought.

Fare Game [2.15]

Lindsay Monroe: You bet Mac I wouldn't do it?

Danny Messer: Yeah. What was I thinkin'? Shouldn't bet against a country girl.

[Just before taking a bite out of a fried spider]:

Lindsay: It's just protein

Don Flack: You don't call, you don't write- I was beginning to think you were seeing other detectives, William.

Stella Bonasera: When are these killers ever going to learn? You never leave a paper trail.

Danny: (bringing in some of theexotic cuisine) Who's going first?

Stella: You gotta be kidding.

Flack: Pass!

Hawkes: Uh-uh.

Lindsay: It's just protein. (takes a bite of fried tarantula and everyone looks on)

Mac: (smiling and holding out hand to Danny) Told you she'd do it.

Danny: (handing five dollars to Mac) Alright, alright, here you go.

Mac: Okay! Pizza in my office. (Everyone but Lindsay and Danny leaves)

Lindsay: You bet Mac I wouldn't do it?

Danny: Yeah, what was I thinking? Never bet against a country girl.

Lindsay: (eating more) You know, actually it's not that bad.

Cool Hunter [2.16]

Danny Messer: Look you promised me drinks for this, but I think I'm going to need some dinner too.

Lindsay Monroe: I'm not going to give you anything if you don't get going. Make tracks, cowboy.

Mac Taylor: It sounds to me like you're starting to believe in the superstition.

Lindsay: I believe in the science.

Danny: Recognize this guy?

Handball Player: Nope.

Danny: Try to imagine him alive.

Joe Green: You know what? I don't care that she used me. I loved her. I guess that makes me a chump, right?

Mac: No. [They shake hands]

Necrophilia Americana [2.17]

Lindsay Monroe: As soon as Hammerback's finished with you, I get to take the beetles back to the lab with me.

Danny Messer: Don't eat 'em. (walks away)

Lindsay: You're a little late on that one.

Danny: (turns to look at her) Doesn't mean it's not funny

Mac Taylor: (looking at Lindsay) Put your affinity for bugs to work

Lindsay: (sheepishly) I don't actually have an affinity for bugs.

Mac: The beetles were the first on the scene, we need to know what they know. (points at Lindsay) And no eating.

[Watching Mac reading to a little kid in his office]

Lindsay: Under the heading, "Things I Never Thought I'd See."

Live or Let Die [2.18]

Lindsay Monroe: Have you ever had an anonymous phone call from a woman?

Danny Messer: Sure, it’s happened.

Lindsay: Does it turn you on?

Danny: Whoa, slow down there, Montana. What did you have in mind?

Lindsay: Because rape isn’t about sex, it’s about control?

Flack: Would these eyes lie?

Lindsay: (talking about phone sex) How can anybody be satisfied with just that?

Flack: I heard a rumour you found our intern, Ryan Elliot.

Mac: He's on his way to autopsy now.

Flack: Did you, uh, happen to find anything else?

Mac: You wanna gimme a hint as to what exactly you're looking for, Flack?

Flack: An igloo cooler with a human liver inside it.

(As Mac's 'fishing' for the bullet in the gutter)

Midtown Fisherman: That's it, take your time, relax. Visualize. Become one with the gum.

(Mac has arrested Dr. Beaumont and he won't stop talking)

Mac: Dr Beaumont, you have the right to remain silent. Use it.

Supermen [2.19]

Danny Messer: Don't tell me you know a little something about football, please.

Lindsay Monroe: Is that so hard to believe?

Danny: No, it's just dangerous. I might ask you to marry me.

Adam: What would make a man want to put on a superhero suit and risk it all?

Sheldon Hawkes: The naïve belief that one man could make a difference

Hawkes: Now it's time for us to use our superpowers.

Stella Bonasera: When you were a little kid, did you ever tie a towel around your neck, pretend to be a superhero. A little Mac-man?

Mac Taylor: Seargent Rock. You couldn't get me out of fatigues when I was a kid.

Carter England: Oh come on, Flack. I thought we were supposed to be like brothers.

Don Flack: Yeah, well, sometimes, brothers fight

(After finding a dead body dressed as Superman)

Stella: Hey, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's-

Flack: Matthew Palmer.

(Lindsay has interrogated Charlene)

Charlene: Any more questions?

Lindsay: No.

(Charlene starts to walk away)

Lindsay: Just a suggestion. Stay in town.

Hawkes: Hey, guys! The stains on the money in Clark's drawer came back as Phenylene diamine, Naptha, Timemethylbenzene and a variety of coloured dyes.

Mac: Consistent with shoe polish.

Stella: You are good!

Mac: Me and Black-49 dye go way back. In the Marines, your shoes had to shine as brightly as your brass.

Run Silent, Run Deep [2.20]

Don Flack: (to Paul Sabatini) Hey, boxer shorts, cold shower's this way.

[Mac and Sid are examining Salvador Zabo's body]

Mac Taylor: Tattoo's been removed. Can you lift it?

Sid: I can lift the Titanic if you give me proper tools.

Stella Bonasera: La Perla underwear. These babies sell for 350 dollars.

Danny Messer: I get my BVDs in a three-pack for 10 bucks. Boom.

Danny: I don't need a boss. I need a friend.

Danny: What is it, Montana? You beeped me 911, are you all right?

Lindsay Monroe: The DNA sample we found from the cigarrette in the endzone came back to an internal control sample.

Danny: What do you mean? That means the smoker works here at the lab. How can that be? (pauses as Lindsay hands him the report) Have you told anybody else about this?

Lindsay: No, just you. (Danny walks off. Lindsay looks confused/concerned)

Mac: (To Danny) We did all we could forensically, but in the end, it was your brother who saved you.

Stella: You wear spray-on stockings, correct?

Melanie: Yeah. Makes my legs look sexy, see? I don't like fishnets. They give me an itch. (runs her foot up Stella's leg)

Stella: Give it up, Melanie. I like men.

All Access [2.21]

[Stella is found passed out on her apartment floor]

Mac: Stella. Stella. Stella!

Stella Bonasera: (wakes up)... Where's Frankie?

Mac: You're not a CSI on this one, Stella. You're a victim.

Lindsay Monroe: Enough with the dumbass, okay, Blake? Clothes you were wearing last night are being tested for gunshot residue. You were at the scene. You're wasting our time! (storms out interrogation room)

Danny Messer: Blake, sit tight for awhile, all right? Reconsider your answer. (goes out after Lindsay) Montana! What's up? This guys about to fold, ease up. (grabbing Lindsay's arm)

Lindsay: (Lindsay yanks her arm away) You know what, Danny? Maybe you should just handle this case by yourself, okay?

Danny: Mac's handling Stella's situation. All right? If he needs us, he'll let us know. But until then..

Lindsay: I just wish there was something we could do to help.

Danny: You know what Stella would say, what we could do to help the most is close this Russo case. All right?

[In the hospital, Stella talks about her ex-boyfriend, Frankie, trying to remember what happened the night she was attacked in her apartment]

Stella: He'd never even been to my apartment before, that was one of my rules, 'no guys in the apartment' in case something goes bad. That way I always had a safe place to go back to.

[Backstage at the Kid Rock concert]

Security guard: No passes, no access.

Lindsay: (holds up police badge) Will this do?

Security guard: Hey, sorry. (Lets Lindsay and Mac pass)

Mac: [To Kid Rock] You know how many guilty people sing that same song?

Stella pleads with her ex-boyfriend, who has her captive in her apartment.

Stella: You caught me off balance. I do love you, Frankie, that statue you made for me was beautiful. I meant to answer your messages, really I did...

Frankie: [Quietly] But you didn't. [Stella's face shows her dismay] You didn't answer my messages. You didn't call. That tape was a testament to our love and you spurned it. You don't love me. You're going to pay for not loving me.

Danny: Hair from the... kinkapoodle? What is it?

Stella: Thanks for staying with me, Don.

Flack: Well, it's my job. Not to mention you're my friend.

Stella: Well, you're a very good friend.

Felicia Badman: [about a dead limousine driver] That jerk. He said he'd give me a pass if I...

Lindsey: If you...

Felicia: If I. And... I did.

Danny: 10 o'clock to 11 o'clock, last night, your whereabouts, those two concepts in one answer please, Mr. Mathers.

Stealing Home [2.22]

Danny Messer: Hey Montana! A view like this? Beats the wheat fields, no?

Lindsay Monroe: Have you ever even seen a wheat field?

Danny: What's to see? It's just wheat.

Lindsay: Do you think Danny calls me Montana because I'm a 49ers fan?

Sid Hammerback: He calls you that because he's got a crush on you.

Mac Taylor: Welcome to the house of trinogamy.

Hawkes: Wow, I gotta admit this was not what I expected.

Mac: I'll bite. What were you expecting?

Hawkes: I dunno...lava lamps, weird tapestry, a robo-spanker, maybe a couple of big--

Mac: (cuts him off) All right, all right. I'm sorry I asked.

(all looking at the victim wearing a glitzy costume)

Stella: Mac, are you seeing this?

Mac: Yeah, a mermaid. Why not?

Lindsay: No throwing this one back.

Mac: This one's a keeper.

Heroes [2.23]

[Giving a toast to Aiden Burn who was killed while working as a private investigator]

Messer: To Aiden.

(as they are processing a vehicle)

Lindsay: Danny talks about her a lot. Aiden. They were close. I wish I could have met her.

Stella: (smiling) You would have liked her.

Danny: (very upset,charging in) Mac, is this him, the scumbag that killed Aiden?!

Mac: Danny, get out of here.

Danny: Just let me talk to him. Aww. I will get him to crack, I promise you that.

Mac: How?! By tuning him up? Stella's got the case, she knows what to do!

Danny: This is Aiden! She's one of our own, Mac!

Mac: That's why we can't make any mistakes. We do this one by the book, understand?

Danny: (getting calm) Alright, I just wanted to help.

Mac: I know. Me too.

Flack: Unfortunately, low-lifes know it's Fleet Week also. Service men are easy targets because they're easy to spot.

Mac: A uniform isn't a bullseye, it's a badge of honor.

Flack: Once a Marine, always a Marine.

Mac: And if you've attacked one of us, you've attacked us all.

Charge of this Post [2.24]

[On their way to the crime scene.]

Lindsay Monroe: It's quite a shindig.

Don Flack: Sunday block parties. Springtime in New York City.

Lindsay: Right in the middle of the street, huh?

Flack: Where do they have them in Montana?

Lindsay: Wyoming.

Smith: How did you know what to do?

Mac Taylor: I've lived through this moment before.

Mac: I'm glad you stayed.

Stella Bonasera: That's what we do; we take care of each other.

Mac:Stay with me, Don. Stay with me.

Mac: Squeeze my hand, Don.

People With Money [3.1]

Lindsay Monroe: I'll do a little demonstration.

Stella Bonasera: I love it when she does this.

Clarence Rome: I'm busting a gut here. You should take this show on the road.

Danny Messer: Yeah, I might.

Lindsay: So, Flack, how many numbers did you get?

Don Flack: I don't like where you're going with this, Monroe.

Lindsay: How many?

Flack: Three.

Stella: Everybody loves a hero.

[Flack is flirting with some techs.]

Stella: Impressing your fans with your battle wounds?

Flack: They were concerned about my recovery. I was just putting them at ease.

[Sid is talking about necrophilia.]

Sheldon Hawkes: You're going to that creepy place again, Sid.

Danny Messer: Hey, what happened? I don't see Benton breathing down your neck. He take the training wheels off?

Det. Jennifer Angell: You here to bust my balls or to work, Messer?

Sheldon Hawkes: Oooh, Angell got her wings, huh?

Asad the personal bodyguard: I told her I couldn't have sex with her....personal reasons.

Danny Messer: So tell us how the rest of the night went,...player.

Hammerback: Did you know that, when Egyptian princesses died, they were not embalmed for several days to prevent necrophilia. The natural degradation of the body made it unappealing even to the most deviant of men. Why someone would want to have sex with a lifeless body in the first place...

Hawkes: Sid?

Hammerback: I mean it's counterintuitive...

Hawkes: Sid? Sid!

Hammerback: What?

Hawkes: You're going to that creepy place again.

Not What It Looks Like [3.2]

[Lindsay holds a diamond necklace that was knocked out of the jewelry case during a robbery.]

Danny Messer: Don’t even think about it, Montana.

Lindsay Monroe: This necklace is worth more than I make in a year. It’s crazy.

Danny: I don’t see the big deal. Diamond is just an allotrope of the element carbon.

Lindsay: Spoken like a true romantic.

Stella Bonasera: They’re all dressed as Holly Golightly.

Lindsay: Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Except I don’t get it. I don’t remember Holly Golightly ever robbing a jewelry store.

Stella: You’re right. It was a love story.

Lindsay: No love here.

Stella: (to Lindsay) Size two will get you in.

Sid Hammerback: This is one of the most well-preserved mummies I’ve seen in my many years as a pathologist. The environmental conditions of temperature and humidity and ventilation must have been just optimum. I can only compare it to the best sex you’ve ever had, reaching climax at precisely that…

Peyton Driscoll: All right, Sid, you can help.

Danny: What?

Sheldon Hawkes: You know what they say about dogs and their owners. The resemblance is uncanny. (laughs)

Danny: That’s funny

Hawkes: You know, Messer, I imagined you with something a little meatier.

Danny: He’s a loaner.

Hawkes: I’m sure he is.

Danny: I’ll be in Reconstruction, you clown.

Love Run Cold [3.3]

Sid: Tonya Nettles was stone-cold sober.

Danny Messer: Aren't most people when they're at work?

Sid: I'll ignore the implication of the question, detective.

Stella Bonasera: What makes someone want to run 26.2 miles anyway?

Danny: Lindsay Monroe! Can I talk to you for a second?

Lindsay: Yeah.

Danny: I have to know what's going on with you. Ok I mean, you and I have this thing right? This chemistry, like we're into each other, but every time we were in the same room today it's like... (Lindsay stares at the floor) Don't tell me you don't feel it also.

Lindsay: I can't do this Danny.

Danny: Can't do what?

Lindsay: I can't be in a relationship with you.

Danny: I'm not I just- I just- I don't... I'm talking about spending some time together, dinner, a few drinks, some laughs.

Lindsay: Look Danny. I like you... A lot, but right now I can't. It's not you okay? It's - I need to be by myself so I can.. Work some stuff out.. that I thought I had.. put behind me. I didn't mean for this to happen.

Danny: It's okay.

Lindsay: Maybe we should just do our jobs. (walks away)

Danny: If there's anything you need from me, just let me know, ok?

Sid: (during the autopsy) Cause of death was not natural, he was in superb shape, lungs, heart, all the vital organs are near perfect.

Mac: So you're saying... he's actually still alive?

Lindsay: (as they are walking) So what else do we got?

Danny: Wanna get some lunch?

Lindsay: Danny, Mac wants us to wrap this up.

Danny: Sure, but he doesn't want us to starve to death.

Lindsay: What else did Adam say?

Danny: What do you mean?

Lindsay: I mean, that's who you were talking to, right?

Danny: Yeah, but what makes ya think he said anything else? (she stops and puts her hands on her hips, he turns to look back) Wh…What I just wanna go get something to eat! (just looks at her and starts again) Alright…that gum you found, matched it to the dental impressions from the vic, nothing.

Lindsay: DNA and teeth impressions were both negative?

Danny: Negative.

Lindsay: I'm gonna go back and look at the gum.

Danny: No no no no no, Adam looked at the gum! I Just wanna grab a slice! I'm starvin' here!

Hung Out to Dry [3.4]

Stella Bonasera: Did some research on the Hydra.

Mac Taylor: Whoa, research - you're Greek, don't you know all that stuff?

Stella: Even we Greeks have to brush up on our mythology once in a while.

John Hayes: All right, so you two are the smart cops.

Danny Messer: Yeah, somewhere along the way we learned to read.

Sid: The rawness of the flesh indicates she was alive during the beheading, but I bet she didn't feel a thing. Her blood alcohol level was 0.26 - blotto. The highest I've ever registered was 0.23, but that was in celebration of my first divorce, and I fell down a flight of stairs, didn't feel a thing.

Lindsay Monroe Prints were a bust. CODIS was about as helpful as FEMA.

Mac: (To Hawkes) Shane Casey, he's coming after you.

John Hayes: Still browsing?

Danny Messer: How much are they?

John Hayes: $29 a piece

Danny Messer (snorts) I think we'll stick to Barney's!

Flack: (concerning the beheaded victim found hanging from the ceiling vent) Britney and Kevin came to do the nasty, instead they found the nasty. Decapitated, no sign of the head.

Sid: (to Sheldon & Mac about the victim) The rawness of the flesh indicates she was alive during the beheading, but I bet she didn't feel a thing. Her blood alcohol level was 0.26 blotto. The highest I've ever registered was 0.23, but that was in celebration of my first divorce, and I fell down a flight of stairs, didn't feel a thing.

Oedipus Hex [3.5]

[To Razzi Suicide who is acting childishly during interrogation]

Lindsay Monroe: Do I need to give you a time-out?

Danny Messer: (To a girl with pink hair) Is that your natural hair color?

Nixon Suicide: (to Danny) : Being with a Suicide Girl, you don't know what you're missing!

Danny: (to Albert/Y Monster about Omen's death) You thought Omen 'n' Al meant you and her. (almost laughing) What you never figured was, it was her and her.

Moody: I'm all about the business.

Stella: That's right, loan shark, drugs, gambling, fencing stolen goods, how much was Chopper Tevis in to you for?

Moody: Interests mount up.

Flack: The only things mounting up in your world brother, are charges.

Open and Shut [3.6]

Stella Bonasera: This case is different. Hell, I'm different. I know what it's like to be trapped in your home. And I have a vivid memory of that horrible moment when you realize the only way out is a bullet. I have no choice but to be emotionally involved in this case.

Grace Thomason: You know, I read somewhere that you shot your boyfriend. Three times in the chest, point blank.

Stella Bonasera: That was self-defense.

Grace Thomason: Oh, yeah?

Stella Bonasera: I was a victim, you are a cold-blooded murderer.

Mac Taylor: We want a reference sample.

Tony DeLuca: What, so you can put it on some government database? Forget it, I know my rights.

Flack: Yeah, we've got rights, too--they're called warrants.

Sid: (with the impaled hotel concierge) When I was an intern they brought in a guy who had fallen off a loading dock onto a container of steel reinforcement rods. Talk about a thousand points of light.

Murder Sings the Blues [3.7]

Mac Taylor: Science is our integrity.

[Flack is holding up the cake topper bride's head in a evidence bag]

Don Flack: Do you, Stella, take Veronica as a crazy with a motive?

Stella Bonasera: I do.

Lindsay Monroe: I'm just going to go check on..

Mac Taylor: No, you stay here, Lindsay.

[To a man in a blue party]

Lindsay Monroe: NYPD and Blue, let's see what you make of that.

Consequences [3.8]

Don Flack: Get outta here. Ya gotta have a Master's degree in Chemistry just to run drugs these days.

[Looking at a Macy's Day Nutcracker Balloon]

Mac Taylor: They build these balloons in sections and divide them into compartments.

Sheldon Hawkes: Yup, well, that would explain the limp arm.

Mac: The bullet's somewhere inside all that polyurethane. Thought you might wanna do the autopsy. For old times' sake.

Hawkes: (smiling) This job is never boring.

Mac: (to Flack) The cop who did this, I hope he goes away for a very long time, because he disgraced the badge we both wear.

Reed: (To Stella) Are you Claire Conrad?

Stella Bonasera: No

Mac: You mean Claire Conrad-Taylor?...She was my wife.

Stella: Verna Welke?

Trina: Yes?

Stella: I've come for the alien?

And Here’s to you, Mrs. Azrael [3.9]

Julie Rollins: You have to understand, my husband died last year, Heather was all I had.

Mac Taylor: There is nothing about this that I understand.

Sheldon Hawkes: It took three high-risk surgeries practicing my profession to realize that I didn't want to be the one who would stand over somone when they took their last breath. So, I took a job at the ME's office. Because I thought that if God did have a last say in death, I could at least do something about it if they were taken too soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Danny Messer: Hey, you're still a doctor, Sheldon.

Mac: (about his father) He spent the last eight months in bed on a feeding tube. Eventually, the medicine didn't do anything for the pain, so one day he asked me...he begged me, to end it for him. I couldn't do it.

Hawkes: You made the right choice.

[Mac looks unsure]

Don Flack: Didn't appreciate that, Matt. See, this here is a new pair of pants. And I don't get uniform allowance. So I suggest you make it up to me by makin' the rest of this very easy (Flack pats down Matt). Check out what Mr. Goodwrench had in his backpocket. Set of lockpick tools.

Matt: What can I say? I'm always losin' my apartment keys.

[Flack shoves his shoulder lightly]

Flack: Hey what did I tell you 'bout makin' things easy?

Adam: There you are. I've been trying to reach you guys.

Danny: My phone drowned.

(Adam takes the phone and sniffs it)

Adam: Ahhh. Bean-O-Rama.

Sweet 16 [3.10]

Lindsay Monroe: Nothing says Happy Birthday like a 60,000 dollar car. You know, when I turned 16, I got my mom's used Pinto. I loved that car.

Mac: And what was the kid's name?

Landlord: [Shrugs] Kid.

Flack: They picked today for the stunt cos the conditions were perfect.

Danny: Yeah well there was a slight change in forecast, to cloudy, with a chance of birds.

Hawkes: This wasn't about Sweet 16, this was about outdoing the Jones'.

Danny: You guys in position?

Flack: Yeah, we're ready.

Danny: (Let's the bird go) Houston, we have lift off.

Mac: She opened a can of worms and found a snake.

Mac: (upset with an abusive dad) I'd give a year's pay to have two minutes alone in this room with you, but since that's not gonna happen, I'll just tell you this. You're gonna go to a place where you're never going to hurt Jesse again.

Raising Shane [3.11]

Stella Bonasera: Detective Bonasera; the law, the order.

Captain Stanton Gerrard: (To Stella) Seems you and Taylor got a knack for hiring high-tech geeks with a penchant for commiting felonies.

Danny Messer: Why don't we step outside, grandpa? I'll show you what kind of geek I am.

Stella: Danny, get the hell outta here. Now. (to the Captain) I promise you if you ever threaten one of my team again, I'll make it my personal mission to have your badge. The crime scene is yours, Captain.

(After handing the case over to Captain Stanton Gerrard)

Stella: I hate the view from this side of the tape.

Lindsay Monroe: So now what do we do?

Danny: Scratch our asses while these guys decide Hawkes' fate.

(Looking at the back of a DVD in an 'adult entertainment' shop)

Danny: "Art of Whore. When a soldier's unit is taken by surprise..."

Stella: Danny...

Danny: What, you don't want me to ruin the ending for you?

(To Det. Angell, who is bent over a half-naked body)

Danny: We interrupting something, Detective?

Stella: Lemme guess. Tom?

Peeking Tom: The man, the myth.

Stella: Stella Bonasera. The law, the order.

Peeking Tom: Freakin' junkies. I'm trying to run a reputable business here.

Danny: Reputable? You kiddin me?

Silent Night [3.12]

Gina Mitchum: (to Mac) I speak with my hands. You speak with your eyes.

Lindsay: (very sad) I could use a friend here, Stell.

Stella: You got one, kiddo.

Mac: (To Peyton) Look into my eyes because I need you to hear me. I can't promise I won't be cautious or hesitant, but I am commited to making this work. I dont want to lose you, Peyton.

Hawkes: You want Gina to participate in the reconstruction? That would mean taking her home, back to the crime scene.

Mac: Gina heard every detail of that crime scene through her body, which makes her our best witness.

Obsession [3.13]

Sheldon Hawkes: I guess our vic's outta the race.

Danny Messer: And he finished dead last!

(looking at a dead body in the lab)

Stella Bonasera: So we're possibly looking at New York City's best-dressed kidnapper.

Mac Taylor: And our kidnap victim is missing.

(after Dr. Sid Hammerback determines that the murder weapon is a foot)

Danny Messer: Right foot of a woman?

Dr. Sid Hammerback (surprised): Right... It is correct. And female would explain the traces of red nail polish I found in the wound.

Danny Messer: So our murder is a one-legged barefoot woman, who´s got serious kung-fu skills.

(talking to the secretary of a murdered suspect)

Mac Taylor: What was he doing during these four hours?

Secretary: I don´t know. Once a month he tells me to block out four or five hours like that, I never ask. I figured he´s seeing a shrink or something?

Mac Taylor (watching the secretary carefully): Did he need a shrink?

Secretary: Do I have to answer that? I mean, I really don't like talking badly about dead people.

The Lying Game [3.14]

Sheldon Hawkes: Hey. I thought you'd left. You okay?

Lindsay Monroe: Yeah. Just, uh, tying up some loose ends. Have you seen Danny?

Hawkes: Yeah, he's out in the field.

Lindsay: (holding up a card) Could you, make sure that he sees this?

Hawkes: That's how you're going to tell him you're leaving? A card? At least call him. Give him a chance to say good-bye.

(about a skateboard being used as a weapon)

Danny Messer: My mother always told me those things were dangerous.

Some Buried Bones [3.15]

(examining a statue with blood on it)

Mac Taylor: I think we just found our prime suspect.

Don Flack: I love this job.

(viewing the store surveillance tape as a shimmer walks across the screen)

Stella: Did the camera malfunction?

Danny: Either that or 5th Avenue's haunted.

Reed: (sadly) I'd like to know where my mom's buried.

Mac: She wasn't. Her body was never found. No trace at all. But they're . . . we're still looking.

Heart of Glass [3.16]

Peyton: Your vic died of a broken heart...cardiomyopathy, most common in women in very passionate relationships.

Mac: I'll be very careful.

Don Flack: Thought you had the night off.

Mac: My dinner date dumped me for a dead body.

(about their victim in the tub)

Danny: So she comes in, drinks some champagne and takes a bath.

Peyton: Just like the fairy tale.

Mac: Only this Goldilocks isn't sleeping. She's dead.

The Ride-In [3.17]

(Victim is covered in money)

Danny Messer: I think we can rule out robbery...

Flack: Well Noah was taking these people for a ride, but it wasn't on the Ark. His flock all tested negative for GSR, and they've asked me if they can get back on the good ship looney tunes before Sunday, because that's when the world's ending. I told them they could re-board when the crime scene's clear, but what I really want to do is throw them all in the shower and then a rubber room.

Mac: They're not crazy.

Stella: It just happened. I was putting a piece of bloody glass into an evidence bag. It was still wet. It just broke, cut me. (quick flashback to cutting her arm) I had no idea at the time that Emery Gable was HIV positive.

Mac: Stella, why didn't you tell me?

Stella: I thought I could handle it on my own. I'm scared, Mac, I know there are a lot of people living with AIDS, and I just... I don't think I have the strength to do that. I don't think I'm brave enough to wait for a cure.

Sleight Out of Hand [3.18]

Stella Bonasera: They say burning is the most painful of deaths.

Danny Messer: I love that. How do they know? What'd they take a poll? '64% of dead people surveyed ...'

Sid Hammerback: [Looking at the body of a vic who was sawed in half] Do I even need to state the cause of death?

(Mac hands Danny a lighter)

Mac Taylor: You want to do the honors?

Danny Messer: Are you lighting your arm on fire in the name of science?

Mac Taylor: What other job allows you to set your boss on fire? Going once, going twice...

(Danny takes the lighter)

Danny Messer: Sold, but if you go up in flames, I get your office?

Don Flack: You think Houdini knew the impact he would have on Mafia lingo?

Sheldon Hawkes: I'm sorry?

Don Flack: When they whack somebody, they say, "we made him do a Houdini". Do you think that would make him proud?

Sheldon Hawkes: Are we actually having this conversation?

Don Flack: Oh, I'm sorry. Can you explain the difference between DNA and RNA? Is that better, 'cause that's scintillating conversation right there.

Sheldon Hawkes: It would be if you knew the answer-

Rupert Flannigan: This is what your looking for, it has all three items you showed me in those photographs. You better return this though, it's a collector's item. I don't want to find out you two pulled a Houdini on me.

(Don walks away smirking)

(Hallucinates seeing Lindsay Monroe walking towards him and realizes it is not her)

Danny Messer: I'm losing my mind.

(about their cut up victim)

Stella: She was alive when he cut her in half.

Mac: Something tells me this girl wasn't a volunteer from the audience.

Daze of Wine and Roaches [3.19]

(as the look around the wine cellar)

Danny: Since when do you know so much about wine, Montana?

Lindsay Monroe: We're more than beer and buffalo burgers, Messer.

Lindsay Monroe: I think Danny's favorite wine is the house Chianti.

Danny Messer: See that's where you're wrong. My favourite wine is beer.

Danny Messer: [explaining his theory about what happened] Then he was screwed to death.

Don Flack: 6.5, Mess. Little shaky on the landing.

(in reference to the jeweled pet)

Lindsay: I mean, isn't the cockroach kind of the unofficial mascot of New York?

Danny: Very funny, take it easy there, Montana.

What Schemes May Come [3.20]

Stella Bonasera: Planning your fantasy death is the ultimate finale to life.

Don Flack: Yeah, but we're talking about an ice pick to the brain, Stella. I think you might be romanticizing.

Stella: Somebody kissed his ring. Lipstick kiss.

Flack: Maybe our Lancelot had a rendezvous with Guinevere at the park?

Mac Taylor: You ready for the answer?

Stella: Whatever the outcome, I am bound and determined to live every day to the fullest.

Peyton: (about the victim being alive) I'm the one who pronounced him dead.

Mac: Based on what?

Peyton: Based on eight years of training and eight more years on the job. I haven't forgotten how to tell if a victim is alive or dead, Mac!

Past Imperfect [3.21]

Mac Taylor: The way I feel has never affected the way I do my job.

Don Flack: My weakness, I guess. Every hood Truby ever collared is going to be angling for a get-out-of-jail-free pass. Clay Dobson was just the first in line.

Mac: You having a good time, saying I told you so?

Flack: No.

Mac: (looking around the work firm) Nice place, Dobson, looks like your father's doing quite well for himself.

Clay Dobson: Detective Taylor, I was just about to send you a fruit basket. You're the reason I'm out of jail, indirectly, of course. If you're looking for an architect, I think we might be a little out of your price range.

Danny: I'm gonna head out to Brighton Beach, 'cause one of the guys who got busted with Scott Colson owns a Russian food joint, called Sokov's.

Lindsay: If the guy took his chances running with the Russian mob, maybe his past finally caught up with him.

Danny: Da! (as Lindsay laughs)

Cold Reveal [3.22]

(Lindsay walks in and finds Sheldon and Adam writing on a glass board to calculate the exact place from where a victim plunged to his death.)

Lindsay: Aw, yuck. Trigonometry.

Don Flack: You know Mac... the uh, the Department decides to go through with their internal investigation, I'm gonna have to answer questions. All I know is what you told me when I got up to the top.

Mac Taylor: Like I told the DA, I did not toss Clay Dobson off that roof. This investigation is nothing but a big, political show.

Flack: Yeah, regardless, the media's soaking the story up, and by the time they're done with it your word may not be good enough, Mac.

Comes Around [3.23]

Danny Messer: Why do we do what we do, huh?

Don Flack: What do you mean?

Danny: Why do we wake up in the morning at three o'clock, stand at a crime scene in the freezing cold, living paycheck to paycheck, for what? To protect and serve? Serve who, the public? Sometimes it seems like they hate us, and then here we got the brass ready to throw us to the lions.

Flack: (shrugs) We do it cause we're good at it. Maybe we'd be lousy at anything else. I don't know. Maybe we do it for the one or two times somebody actually thanks us for finding their son's murderer.

Snow Day [3.24]

Lindsay: I'm sorry.

Danny: What are you sorry about?

Lindsay: You're not supposed to be here. You took my shift.

Flack: I'm not used to lookin' down on the barrel of an AK-47, but I'll be all right.

Lindsay: I dreamt that I woke up and you were gone. You left a note.

Danny: Where would I go? This is my place.

Lindsay: (giggling) I was hoping for a better answer.

Danny: Just kidding. I'm glad this happened. (kisses her forehead)

Lindsay: Me, too. (kisses his chest)

(to the bad guy tied to the chair)

Mac: It's simple. If you find someway to get out of that tape, or someone tries to save you, they trip these lasers which set off the pipe bomb rigged to that Hydrogen tank over there. That's enough explosive to kill you, and make the cleaning crew very unhappy.

(as she's inviting Mac to London with tickets ready)

Peyton: Mac, I was thinking with everything you've been going through and because you adore me, and you do adore me, that you could take some of the seven weeks of vacation and come with me to London.

Mac: You've bought the ticket?

Peyton: (eagerly) I really want you to say yes.

(as they are playing pool)

Danny: There's no way you're gonna make this shot, Montana.

Lindsay: A Benjamin says I do. (makes the shot) You owe me $100.

Danny: You know what? You're gonna have to wait 'til pay day.

Lindsay: No. You either pay me now, or come up with something better.

Can You Hear Me Now? [4.01]

Adam Ross: (answering phone) Adam Ross.

Lindsay Monroe: Hi. I'm calling from the office of unemployment.

Adam Ross: Oh, Lindsay, hey.

Lindsay Monroe: Word is that Danny's is looking to hire some socially-awkward scientists.

Adam Ross: I'm...I'm halfway there already, okay?

Lindsay Monroe: It's a big case, Adam, it's the Statue of Liberty, it's all over the news. We've got lot to do. This is top priority and Mac is back in town. Get your sorry little ass to work.

Sheldon Hawkes: What about the trace I collected from her arm?

Lindsay Monroe: Latex. More specifically, condom spray.

Danny Messer: (Amused) 'Scuse me? What? I didn't catch that.

Lindsay Monroe: Liquid rubber (Holds the spray can, smiling) German engineering at its finest.

Sheldon Hawkes: I'm not sure I understand.

Lindsay Monroe: Well, allow me to demonstrate (Grabs a big test-tube) Contrary to what you might have heard, science definitely does matter (Starts spraying the content of the can on the test-tube) Simply, apply like so. Allow a few moments for maximum drying time and... Boom! Instant condom. (Hands test tube to Danny)

Sheldon Hawkes: Are you serious? A spray-on condom?

Danny Messer: What... Where does the... The... (Points at the top of the test-tube) Now how... Never mind.

Adam Ross: That's how I roll. What up?!

Adam: Kendall! Hey..uh..wake up..uh, we're late for work. We gotta, we gotta get up, we're late for work.

Kendall: (waking to see they are both in their underwear) Did we?...We didn't...?

Adam: Oh! No, no, no. I mean, I...uh..I wish it was yes, yes, yes but sadly, no.

Kendall: (rolling over) Okay. Hmmm, ten more minutes.

Adam Ross: No, no, no. No more minutes. Okay, come on, let's go. Up, up. Yes, let's go. Ooh. (pulling her from the couch) Must fight crime.

Nova Kent: I lost that music box about a year ago.

Danny: Are you kidding me? You can't come up with a better lie than that?

Nova Kent: I move a lot, four different places in the past year. I've given up junk, throw things away.

Stella: You specifically requested that the music box played Mozart's first menuet. It seems strange that something with that kind of sentimental value would be thrown away.

Nova Kent: Yeah well, I cried for three days when I realized it was gone.

Danny: You're killing me right now.

The Deep [4.02]

Danny Messer: My mother was so pissed off, she didn't talk to me for a week... It was kind of a peaceful week.

(as Hawkes is getting treated for his injuries)

Danny: So is it true what they say?

Hawkes: What's that?

Danny: Did your life pass right before your eyes?

Hawkes: I could only think of one thing the whole time I was down there.

Danny: What? Was it your first kiss?

Hawkes: (holding his ribs) Don't make me laugh.

Danny: What?

Hawkes: Sid Hammerback. I was in his lab, lying on an autopsy table. Sid was standing over me, firing up the bone spreader.

Danny: That's morbid.

Flack: What happened down there? I got a call from dispatch saying there was some kind of problem. I got here as fast as I could.

Danny: Some methane bubbles caused an explosion. Hawkes got caught underneath the ship's mast.

Flack: Some guy would do anything for an early retirement.

Flack: Our vic's this way. Floater, showed up in the middle of the sailboat race between New York and New Jersey.

Danny: I read about that. It's a reenactment of a race that happened back in the 1600's.

Mac: Yeah. Legend has it the winner got possession of Staten Island

Flack: Is it too late to give it back?

Danny: Yeah, very funny Flack!

You Only Die Once [4.03]

Danny Messer: Montana, hold up.

Lindsay Monroe: What's up?

Danny Messer: Evidence is coming in on the James Stanton murder, and we have a date with it.

Lindsay Monroe: We got the car?

Danny Messer: You make the coffee. I'll go get the Batmobile

Danny Messer: Speed Racer's Mach 5 does not come close to the Batmobile. End of story.

Lindsay Monroe: Are you kidding me? The Mach-5 had submersible capabilitites and a robotic homing pigeon.

Danny Messer: Yeah, so did the Batmobile. Along with rocket boosters and armor plating.

Lindsay Monroe: Mach-5: Rotary saw.

Danny Messer: All right, Montana. Did Speed Racer's Mach-5 have a field forensics kit?

Lindsay Monroe: The Batmobile did not have a field forensics kit.

Danny Messer: In the Batmobile's trunk, it did.

Lindsay Monroe: That explains so much.

Danny Messer: (laughing) Oh, how is the new girlfriend?

Don Flack: Keep walking, Messer.

Danny Messer: No, seriously, where did you meet her?

Don Flack: Met her at a charity event. Police/fire hockey game.

Danny Messer: So she's got teeth, or...?

Don Flack: Move!

(A dent in a car bounces back)

Don Flack: What the hell kinda car are you?

Time's Up [4.04]

Sheldon Hawkes: In theory, if you built a machine that could travel the speed of light away from here, then slowed down, turned around and flew home just as fast, when you got back, a trip that might have lasted just seconds for you, could've been weeks for everybody else.

Don Flack: Kinda like your explanation.

Danny Messer: Fantastic. We got horny college kids and horny mammoths.

Witness: Can I have your number?

Det. Jessica Angell: Why, are you in trouble?

Witness: No, but I'd like to be.

Scene shift to Danny and Stella listening to Angell

Danny: So did you give him your number?

Stella Bonasera: What?

Mac Taylor: You were smiling when you opened the box.

Stella Bonasera: Mac, my last boyfriend tried to kill me and I shot him.

Don Flack: Paging Doctor Who

Flack: I dunno. If I could go anywhere back in time, I'd probably go back to my folks' place in Queens for my mom's corn beef Wednesdays. Yeah, I'd endure every one of my brothers' insults for one more taste of that paradise.

Stella: (about the evidence) Turns out it's an experimental sexual enhancement drug, only available in clinical trials.

Danny: Don't look at me, I don't need it.

Stella: You're too old anyway. It's currently being tested on students at Chelsea University's health center.

Danny: Argh, it's like throwing gas on a raging hormonal fire.

Down The Rabbit Hole [4.05]

Adam Ross: Double-click on that template. Now, male or female?

(Mac Taylor looks at him, eyebrows raised)

Adam Ross: This is fantasy, be all you can be!

Adam Ross: (Fighting warriors in Second Life) Who's your daddy?

Mac Taylor: (Speaking for his female avatar) Hi. I like the name. (pause) I love waterfalls, don't you?

Stella Bonasera: (Laughing) Oh my God.

Mac Taylor: What?

Stella Bonasera: You have no game whatsoever.

Mac Taylor: Look, I don't need a backseat avatar.

Adam: (showing Mac how to use Second Life) Boss, if you go in-world looking like Joe Boring you're gonna get flagged as a newbie. Let me get in here real quick. Check this out. Hip do, a little custom skin. Cool coat. All right. Check it out. Now you're ready to roll in-world.

Boo [4.06]

Mac: I hate zombies.

Stella: Yeah, they spoil all the fun, don't they?

[Danny interrogates a man who accidentally shot his sister as a boy, and an entire family years later.]

Danny Messer: You're the one that killed that family, not the Devil.

Suspect: You're wrong. The Devil did kill them. And he came to me the night my sister died. I just didn't know enough not to let him in.

Sheriff Benson: All I'm saying is people come to town and get caught up in the folklore.

Lindsay Monroe: Do we look like we're here buying postcards?

Commuted Sentences [4.07]

Don Flack: Four older brothers and a detective-sergeant for a father. The old man dust you for prints when you got home from a date?

Jess Angell: If it was up to them, I wouldn't have knows boys existed 'til I was 21.

Don Flack: I'm sure the boys knew you existed.

Angell pauses and smiles.

Jess Angell: Was that a line, Flack? Did you just bust out your game on me?

Flack looks away grinning

Don Flack: What?

Jess Angell: It was, wasn't it? Look at you, you're blushing!

Angell laughs

Don Flack: My game. Game, what game? I don't have a game. If I did, that's probably as good as it gets.

Jess Angell: I think it was pretty good.

Buzzkill [4.08]

Hawkes: Crime of passion?

Mac: That's one possibility. Or... she's the inside guy? They planned this robbery together, but before she got her cut...her partner double crossed her.

Flack: (skeptical) Nick, I've had guys in here blame their criminal behavior on wives, bosses, even the devil. But I gotta tell ya, this is a new one. You're telling me you were driven to this by a shiny red light?

'Stella: You know, Lindsay, I don't think these lollipops are lollipops. (tries one)Heroin.

Lindsay: Well, that changes everything.

Danny: So these guys are mailing the money somewhere.

Sheldon: Smart move. Not keeping the cash on them or in the apartment.

Angell: If you raise the ink from the pouch, maybe we can get an address.

Danny: Oh what? You doing science now?

One Wedding and A Funeral [4.09]

Mac: Whoa, whoa. You stuffed, dressed and moved your dead friend for a bet?

George Foodim: It was a hundred grand, man. I... I don't have it. And if I didn't pay up Toby would have gone to my dad.

Det. Flack: It never occurred to you, with your friend being dead and all, that just maybe the bet was off?

Stella: You put this box on my truck? I called the bomb squad, Drew.

Drew: It's not from me, Stella. Look, every gift I sent to your office was with a card. You know, there was a theme going on, in case you hadn't noticed.

The Thing About Heroes [4.10]

Flack: He holds Mac responsible for losing someone in his family.

Lindsay: So what? Now he wants Mac to lose someone in his family?

Stella: Yeah. One of us.

Flack: A little out of your jurisdiction, aren't ya?

Mac: When you called me, I thought you were in New York.

Flack: Sneaky like that. Plus it made it easier to find you.

Danny: (holding the iPod) So, this is what was used to hijack the train. He attached an MP3 player to the control panel. The sick bastard.

Stella: Ya, well that sick bastard is Mac's stalker.

Jimmy: (To Mac, in anger) You didn't lose a brother. Your family didn't fall apart. You didn't watch your father cry for the first time in your life. You didn't watch him crumble to his knees.

Happily Never After [4.12]

Mad Hatter: It turns Manhattan into Neverland

Danny Messer: Except nobody dies in Neverland

Mad Hatter: This party is invitation only.

Danny Messer: (holding up his police badge) I left mine at home.

Mad Hatter: I can't explain myself I'm afraid, sir, because I'm not myself, you see.

Mac Taylor: Yeah, well, whoever you are, you have the right to remain silent.

Mac Taylor: You tested positive.

Tyler: For what?

Mac Taylor: Murder.

Playing with Matches [4.14]

Mac Taylor: Houston, we have a problem.

Don Flack: Put it this way - if a dishwasher and a porta-potty ever mixed it up, this thing would be their offspring.

Sid: First vic I've not had to wash in sometime - clean as they come!

Mac Taylor: How do you kill a woman from a prison cell?

Right Next Door [4.16]

Hawkes: (to Danny) It's murder, it doesn't have to make sense.

Rikki: Last night was just sex. Before my son died, you were just a guy that I smiled at in the hallway and joked with at the mailboxes. What are we doing?

Danny: (cupping her face in his hands): Making each other feel better because Reuben's gone. There's nothing wrong with that. (kisses Rikki).

Rikki: Danny... One day you're gonna wake up and realize that Ruben's death wasn't your fault. Yes he was with you when he was shot but it was an accident. And me, can't you see, I'm just taking advantage of the guilt you feel so that I don't have to be alone.

Danny: I don't care. I don't care cause I just want this hurt to go away. Don't you?

(Rikki nods her head, Danny kisses her again)

Rikki: I really should go...

Danny: Ok, but this is my shirt and I'm gonna need my shirt back, okay. Before you go...

(Danny starts to unbutton the shirt and kisses her again, Rikki gives in)

Danny: I'm gonna get some coffee, you want some coffee?

Lindsay: No, thanks.

Danny: How long are you gonna stay mad at me, Linds?

Lindsay: Oh, is that what this is? Me mad at you?

Danny: Is it still about missing your birthday? (pause) Look, I didn't want to go to lunch yesterday. Why do you have to make a big deal out of it?

Lindsay: Do me a favor Danny, don't reduce me to some shallow clingy girlfriend that's starting to suffocate you, ok? That's not what this is about! Ever since Ruben Sandoval died, I feel like I've lost my best friend. And don't mistake this for jealousy ok, I know what it's like to lose someone you care about, to see them one day and not see them the next and to know you'll never see them again. I would never expect you not to grieve, but clearly you've just decided to do it all on your own. (pause) Ok, I get it (standing up to leave), my mistake for thinking that you might need somebody to lean on. And you know, for the record, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself because I've fallen in love with you and I have to figure out how to let that go. (Lindsay leaves the room)

(After Stella leaves)

Danny: (Looks at Lindsay) Lindsay. (Pauses and Lindsay looks at him) I'm sorry. We should... We should talk.

Hostage [4.21]

Don Flack: [sarcastically] Have I told you how much I love the media?

Brett Dunbar: I don't believe it. You've got a man on the inside.

Stella Bonasera: Mac Taylor. It was one of the gunman's demands. Mac went in through the back door so the press wouldn't see, and in exchange he was able to negotiate the release of one of the hostages.

Brett: And you're worried about him.

Stella: I'm worried sick. Look, Brett, I need your help. No one knows weapons like you do.

Brett: So you've got a victim with one entry wound but with two bullet wounds inside of him.

Stella: Yeah. Basically I'm looking for the impossible.

Brett: A murder weapon that kind fire two rounds near instantaneously without any recoil.

Stella: Don't tease me.

Sex, Lies, and Silicone [5.04]

(as Flack is pushing a life sized silicone doll on a package cart down the sidewalk)

Lindsay Monroe: Wow. Okay. How weird was that? There's no way that one of these could replace a real woman!

Flack: Oh I don't know, Linds. They're not bad looking. Think of all the money a guy could save on dinner.

Lindsay Monroe: (sunddenly upset) A doll?! I mean, I could understand if you dumped me for a real woman but a piece of plastic?! What does she have that I don't have, huh?

Flack: (to sidewalk-cafe customers) Forgive my wife. She's not well. (to Lindsay as the walk): I'm gonna get you for that, Monroe. Big-time.

Sinclair: For every NYPD salary we no longer pay, we can hire three new civilians. You do the math, detective. The phrase is: bottom line. Three people for one.

Mac: If lab security is vulnerable, every piece of evidence we process can be called into question. What's the bottom line on that?

Sinclair: I understand your frustration. I get orders from the top, just like you. I don't have to like them, I just have to make them happen.

The Box [5.09]

Danny: Growing up all I wanted to do was play ball. That's all I could think about when I was a kid. One day starting in the majors. Crazy thing, I was actually making it happen. I was playing really well in the minors. Then one game everything changed. Whole day this pitcher is trying to shut me down throwing me inside, throwing me inside. And bottom of the eighth, he finally catches me, right in the head. So I figure I'm gonna put one in his head now. Before I could even get to the mound, the benches clear and I'm caught in a pile-up. Shattered my wrist. Baseball was over and I was having one of those, ya know, 'what now?' moments. But uhh, I guess back then, things were a little easier. All I had to do was change my career.

Sheldon: (on discovering a picture locket) Found a piece of jewellery in pretty good shape.

Sid: Based on age, I'd say they're probably the victim's parents.

Sheldon: The job never gets easier does it?

Sid: I can tell you I've been working here twenty-nine years. That's 4846 cases and names I will never forget. What gets me through are people like them. Folks who are going to be looking to me for answers.

Danny: Maybe this time they broke in to dump a car.

Mac Taylor: And a few spare body parts.

Lindsay: I'm pregnant.

Danny: (Sighs) You sure?

The Triangle [5.10]

Danny: So, you wanna - you wanna tell me why you won't marry me?

Lindsay: I didn't mean I won't. I just think it's the wrong time.

Danny: Wrong time. Wrong time or the wrong guy?

Lindsay: (sighs) Danny. I know I have thrown a lot at you, and we are both feeling really overwhelmed, but whatever we do next, I want it to be for the right reason. Wouldn't you rather walk down the aisle than be pushed?

Danny: Of course.

Lindsay: Okay, 'cause listen, I'm not going anywhere, and I know you're not going anywhere either, okay, but this is not just about you and I anymore. So let's just take baby steps, okay?

Danny: Okay. So, look, before we go inside, I wanna just tell you one more thing, okay. (Holds Lindsay) I just want you to know, that I love you.

Lindsay: I love you too, Danny.

The Party's Over [5.15]

Stella Bonasera: Closing off the two carotid arteries stops blood flow to the brain. It takes a matter of seconds and very little pressure, Adam. It's about the position of the ligature, not the force behind it.

Mac Taylor: You know what they say: keep your friends close, enemies closer, and if that doesn't work, kill 'em.

No Good Deed [5.16]

Stella Bonasera: in Greek:Το βλαμμένο χάλασε τον καφέ μου!

Transliteration: To vlammeno halase ton kafe mou!

Translation: The stupid (bird) ruined my coffee!

Stella: Why bury someone in the rooftop garden if he died of natural causes? It doesn't make any sense.

Sid: It does if natural causes weren't caused naturally.

Green Piece [5.17]

Stella: (To Felix Redman about his daughter) She's a member of the Purists. It's an environmental terrorist organization. Ironic, huh? The other members of her organization found out what you've been doing, and they told Allison they were going to take you out. Even though she knew the truth, your daughter still tried to save you. She probably made it right through the front door when the bomb went off.

Stella: You know, I'm curious. What was going through your mind when that bomb went off?

Adam: Well, uh, you know how they say your entire life is supposed to flash before your eyes when you think you're gonna die?

Stella: Yeah, I'm familiar with that one. Yeah.

Adam: The only thing I could muster up is when Joey Allen beat me in the head during a dodge ball game in third grade.

Sid: (Allison Redman's death) I realize this is usually the part where I tell you that I found some strange, unusual, bizarre, aberrant, peculiar, idiosyncratic… that's it, I don't have any more synonyms for strange. Wait… weird, weird piece of evidence. But, alas, there's no Gila monster in her stomach. She simply succumbed to the bomb.

Danny: (about Lindsey) I asked her to marry me, Mac. Did you know that? She told me no. Said I was just asking her because she was pregnant.

Mac: Was she right?

Danny: No, I mean I... I dunno, Mac... I love her, I do. I know that, but I just know myself and and I don't wanna disappoint her... or the kid.

Mac: Those fears are normal, Danny. I know that because I felt the same way with Claire. All those doubts about who you are and what you're capable of. I wasn't in a hurry to have children with Claire. I always felt that in the end I might disappoint her or myself. Now she's gone and it's something I'll always regret for the rest of my life. Danny, God brought you and Lindsay together. I believe that. And you have been blessed with a gift. The greatest gift that life has to offer. You can choose to live in a place of fear or you can believe in the best version of yourself.

Point of No Return [5.18]

Sid: (standing over a decomposed body) The last 15 overdose cases Pino worked. I had them exhumed.

Mac: (taking a good look at the corpse) You're the doctor, but isn't this one a few organs short?

Sid: Two kidneys, one bladder, and a liver to be exact.

Mac: All the organs where narcotics naturally accumulate.

Sid: And each of these bodies is missing the same ones.

Mac: It appears as if Marty Pino was able to produce heroin by cutting out and processing key organs from his assigned overdose cases. He used his training and this place as his own personal heroin pipeline. Only after he lost his job and access to dead junkies, he resorted to murder. (camera pans back to reveal the room is filled with bodies)

Hawkes: (cuts in on Flack as he questions Pino) Come on. What are you doing? The man just lost his wife.

Flack: He's lying about something.

Hawkes: He's scared, confused.

Flack: And he's your friend, Sheldon, so I understand why you're hearing something different.

Hawkes: There's no doubt Marty's made some mistakes. But I know he loved his wife. He couldn't have killed her.

Flack: Okay, then prove it

Yahrzeit [5.22]

Hannah Schnitzler: Perhaps there's someone you want to honor?

Mac: My father

(from video-mail Mac receives from Mr. Lesnick)

Holocaust Survivor: I was sleeping on the floor, I don't know for how many days. When he woke me, I got scared. I thought he was one of the camp soldiers. The SS, all knew the war was ending and they tried to eliminate as many Jews as they could. But, there was something different about this man standing over me. I could see it in his eyes and his uniform. He was an American. So young. I could tell the sight of me was too much. I was bald, maybe 80 pounds. But, this man, he was careful not to look as horrified as I'm sure he was. He wanted me to come with him, but my legs just wouldn't move. I was too weak, so he carried me out of the barracks and he gave me his jacket, something to eat, a Hershey bar. I took one bite, and that was all my empty stomach could handle. But nothing has ever tasted better. His goodness put back a little of the faith I have lost. My grandchildren put back the rest.

Interviewer: And what was his name?

Holocaust Survivor: Taylor. Private Mackenna Boyd Taylor.

Mr. Lesnick: (about the cache of Holocaust possessions) So, you say you found these items hidden in your murder victim's apartment?

Mac: Along with a lampshade that DNA confirms was made of human skin.

Mr. Lesnick: Comprised of various tattoos that were sewn together?

Mac: The commandant of Buchenwald's wife would order Jews to line up naked, and when she saw a tattoo she liked, she had the skin removed and tanned to be made into lamp shades for her home.

Mr. Lesnick: Two years ago I heard about one that was traded on the black market for over $10,000

Greater Good [5.23]

Danny: What if she has twins, Adam? You hear stories about people being completely surprised. And you've seen Lindsay, I mean she's huge.

Adam: Whoa.

Danny: She knows it!

Adam: Relax, you saw the ultrasound; it's not twins. All right? You gonna be okay?

Danny: No, no, I'm not. I might go into cardiac arrest once she's giving birth.

Adam: How's Lindsay?

Sheldon: Seven hours and counting.

Adam: She dilated past one centimeter yet?

Sheldon: (pause) That's kind of a personal question, Adam.

Adam: Oh! I'm sorry, I have - I just have eighteen hours and fifteen minutes in the Hours of Labor office pool... six hundred bucks on the line, yo!

Grounds For Deception [5.24]

Stella: In my attempt to prove that Sebastian Diakos was the one who attacked me, I learned that both he and Kolovos were running an antiquities smuggling ring. The Cypriot government was on the hunt for Kolovos, so I...I delivered him. I was told that he would be arrested and detained. How and when he got back to New York, I don't know. Why did he come back?

Mac: Revenge. And the guy who killed him just might have saved your life.

Stella: Mac, I know I was wrong to keep investigating the case after you told me to step down. I'm sorry that I made it difficult for you and for the department.

Mac: This isn't about my job or the department. It was difficult because I care about you.

Professor Papakota: (About Stella's mother) She was so beautiful, so talented. The painting I gave you was the last thing she worked on. I wanted you to have a part of her with you always.

(Mac is staring at Lindsay)

Lindsay: What?

Mac: What are you doing here? Where is Lucy?

Lindsay: She is in ballistics, analysing stria. (They both smile) Look, I have been here exactly 2 hours, I'm leaving in 40 minutes, I just wanted to fill in a few blanks in the case. You are paying me to work part-time, besides this lab would fall apart without me. (They laugh again)

Danny: How's Lucy?

Lindsay: She's great. Her first visit to the lab is a big hit.

Danny: (looking across the hall to where Lucy is surrounded by admirers) What, uh...what's Blake doing right now?

Lindsay: Oh, he's so good with babies. She adores him.

Danny: No, she doesn't adore him. The only man in her life is me. (going over To Blake) Hey, buddy! Don't you have some DNA to look at?

Adam: (as Lindsay chuckles) Watch out, Blake, here comes Daddy!

Pay Up [5.25]

Mac: When one of our own is taken from us, we always get our man.

Mac: Your son was minutes away from testifying against you in the grand jury. I swear to God, if you had something to do with this, you better hope that somebody other than me comes to arrest your ass.

Dunbrook: (venomously) You're a piece of work, Taylor. My son was abducted at gunpoint and now you're threatening me. It's nice to know the NYPD has a victim's best interest at heart.

Terrence Davis: (after Flack tracks him down) You can't keep coming around here like this, Flack. You trying to get me killed?

Flack: You kidding me? Why would I want to make more work for myself?

Terrence Davis: Yo, I'm not playing, yo.

Flack: Well, move to the Upper East Side and we won't have this problem.

Epilogue [6.01]

Lindsay: 10 percent chance of walking? You told me it was 60.

Danny: I just didn't want to scare you.

Lindsay: You know what scares me Danny? It's the fact that you think you need to lie to me.

Blacklist (Grave Digger) [6.02]

Lindsay: (rushing into the lab) Sorry I'm late. The sitter was stuck in traffic.

Hawkes: (looking at her t-shirt) Whitesnake, huh?

Lindsay: Baby threw up on everything else.

McCanna Boyd Taylor: New York City Police Department's the best in the country. You've had your war, son. Take the job.

Mac: Dad...

McCanna Boyd Taylor: Claire's from New York, huh? She has family there. You're gonna need their help when... babies start coming.

Mac: (almost laughing) Whoa, Dad. We just got married. And I was thinking that maybe I'd... if I do retire, maybe I'd move back to Chicago for a while.

McCanna Boyd Taylor: No, son. There's no need for you to be here. I've had a good life. You need to live yours.

Mac: Dad...

McCanna Boyd Taylor: You've served... your country, Mac. Pick up the phone. Make the call. Take the job. Promise me... you'll make the call.

Mac: I promise.

Lat 40° 47' N/Long 73° 58' W [6.03]

Compass Killer: Do you know where I am? Do you even know which way to look?

Lindsay: (as she sees Danny doing pull ups) Danny! What are you doing?

Danny: Processing the vic's phone.

Lindsay: Oh, of course. What was I thinking?

Danny: Flack had the vic's phone pinged. We found it in a dumpster. Waiting on DNA results from the trace I found. I figured I'd get a little pump in.

Lindsay: Don't you have physical therapy today?

Danny: Yeah, yeah, so I'm getting ready for it. (as she gives just looks at him) What? You see Lucy lately, huh? She's standing up in her crib, cruising along the walls of the apartment. She's gonna walk soon, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Danny, please tell me you're not competing with our ten-month-old daughter.

Danny: No, I'm not competing with our daughter. All right? I'm just sick and tired of being in this chair. I want to run through Central Park with my daughter on my shoulders, okay? I want to chase down boys who try to hit on her. I want to dance with you and her at her wedding. So if you don't mind... (preparing for another round)

Lindsay: (placing her hands at the sides of his neck caressing it and leaning in) I don't mind at all.

Mac: (to his team) We're going to work night and day to figure out exactly why this killer chose his victims, and were going to use that connection to catch him before the press gets wind of it and panics the whole damn city over some kind of compass killer. Or worse... before he adds another victim to the map.

Mac: Is he still here?

Sid: Who?

Mac: The husband, the man who I.D.'d her body.

Sid: He left. He was so upset. I hope he went home...

Mac: Where exactly was he standing?

Sid: That table right over there. Here (flips the lights on as Mac picks up the compass) Oh, no. The killer was here.

Mac: And I don't know where the hell he's going next.

Dead Reckoning [6.04]

Flack: If you could go back to that moment, just you and him in that apartment, would you do it again? Would you stick the knife in his chest?

Deborah Carter: (reliving the stabbing & not caring) All 17 times. Regret's a waste of time, Detective.

Flack: Right. You can't change the past. Stand up, turn around. No matter how okay you think you are, when you close your eyes at night, it's gonna haunt you. (as he cuffs her)

Hawkes: (after seeing Danny conclude his therapy early) So what was that?

Danny: What?

Hawkes: Danny, you gotta try way harder if you're gonna get up out of this chair.

Danny: Doc, you know what? I got a policy, buddy. I don't take advice unless I ask for it.

Hawkes: I got a policy, too. I'm always up front with my friends. And with an injury like yours, you should have been up out of that chair weeks ago. You're not pushing yourself.

Danny: Are you kidding me?! I'd like to give you five minutes of the pain I feel every time I take a step.

Hawkes: Danny, I treated hundreds of trauma patients that would trade places with you in a minute.

Danny: (trying to apologize to his rehab therapist) I'm done whining. I came here so you can help me get out of this wheelchair and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make that happen. I've got a few precious things I need to pay for.

Mac: Don. Everything okay with you?

Flack: Yeah, I'm fine.

Mac: I'm not convinced.

Flack: Why do you need to be? Did I do something wrong?

Mac: It's what you didn't do. It could have got you killed.

Flack: Am I being second-guessed for not killing someone? I thought that was a good thing.

Mac: It is, if it was a choice. People are concerned about you, Don.

Flack: Tell people I said thanks, but I can take care of myself.

Mac: I wish that was true. If it wasn't for Lindsay saving your ass today, we might be having this conversation in an emergency room, or maybe not at all.

Flack: Unless you want to make that official, I got nothing else to say.

Battle Scars [6.05]

Stella: Jesse performed under the stage name 'Mechanicx'. This particular competition is known as Battle Step.

Mac: I thought this type of dancing went out with Ms. Pac-Man and the Rubik's Cube.

Stella: Definitely went underground and advanced, only to resurface with a new name. It's now called street dancing, and it's gone pro.

Mac: Something's off, though. Based on the complaint of the first robbery, Jesse stared right at the guy. Why'd the I.D. go south?

Stella: Well, you know how unreliable eyewitnesses can be, especially when they're staring down the barrel of a gun.

Brooke Hallworth: I just can't believe it was Nick under that mask. He was our friend. He came to visit me in the hospital.

Stella: He was going to go to the police to confess, but before he did, he wanted to see you to try to explain, to apologize as best he could. But when he walked into your hospital room

Brooke Hallworth: He realized I didn't remember anything.

Stella: He thought the whole thing would just go away.

Brooke Hallworth: (sighs) Jesse didn't need to do any of this. I loved him for who he was. God... he could make me smile.

Adam: (sees Danny slowly walking down the hallway with the a cane) Race you to the end of the hallway. Oh, hey! Just a little humor there.

Danny: Yeah, well, uh where are we at on this hotel room murder?

Adam: Well, behind door number one, we have a silver vase, champagne bottle and all the matching stemware. Behind door number two, we have a wool ski mask, presumably worn by the killer. So, what's it going to be, Messer?

Danny: It's going to be door number one.

Adam: Ah. Feeling lucky about getting some prints, huh?

Danny: No, it's just a little closer.

Mac Taylor: Do you know this man?

Dot com: Yeah, that's Jesse Lewis. Why, did he do something wrong?

Don Flack: Yeah. He stepped in front of a gun while somebody else was pulling the trigger.

Cast

Mac Taylor
Stella Bonasera
Danny Messer
Lindsay Monroe
Don Flack
Sheldon Hawkes
Jennifer Angell

Quoternity