Creature Comforts Quotations

Creature comforts was originally a 1989 animated short film made in Britain about how animals feel about living in a zoo, and later became a series of commercials for Heat Electric. In 2003 a television series in the same style was released.

The show is a series of short films, in the style of "Wallace and Gromit". The voices are interviewed members of the public, talking about whatever subject they have been given. Aardman then choose the creature best for them and create a scene for them. The purpose is to be witty and, in some cases, educational.

Pilot Episode

Daddy Polar Bear: My favourite food is, I'm afraid, steak.
Andrew Polar Bear: Do you like steaks and chips with lions on it?
Daddy Polar Bear: Not with lions, Andrew. No I don't like lion steak. I prefer the ordinary steak.
Tracey the Gorilla: Well sometimes, you can't get out and about as much as you would like to. You're stuck in for some reason like I'm stuck in today. But then you get bored and you get fed up with those four walls.
Brazilian Lion: They try to make you comfortable. They try to put you in that quite nice situation with standard food to look like a dogfood that food proper for animals. All right?
Alex the Baby Bird: Because animals that live in the circus get on boxes and balls, but animals in the zoo, they don't have to do anything. They can their own things like drinking and eating.

Heat Electric Commercials

Frank the Tortoise: It's easily controllable and it needs easily controllable as well because I don't have much time and I'm a busy person. So I have to have everything just as I need it. Well, there should be something filling with model and design and it has to be easily turn off and on-able.

The Circus

Fluffy the Hamster: I haven't got any circus skills at all. I can't juggle, I can't throw the knife at the lady, I can't tame the lion and I can't crack the whip or... or jump into a small bucket. Can't do any of those things.
Toto performing monkey 1: I'm not sure whether it does excite me anymore or if it's just the money.
Muzulu performing monkey 2: It does me, the thing that excites me about performing really is the fact that you're doing some good, you're making people laugh.
Toto performing monkey 1: Except the ones that walk off.
Muzulu performing monkey 2: Except the ones that walk off.
Joan the White Horse: I normally try and interact with an audience but with 800 it becomes really difficult but I actually think I managed and that's an amazing feeling to just see that you're making an impact.
Matilda the Cow: I had to stand on one leg and blow a raspberry. Go arse over... whatsit in front of 250 people. And I bonked my head, I thought I was a gonner and I heard them as I hit the floor go 'ohhh!' like that. And it was weird, 'cause I like took off. I just like flew! And I was just so embarrassed, I was like 'no, I'm fine, I'm fine, just get back on, just get back on, just get back on, I'm fine, I'm fine'.
Lou the Elephant: You've got to communicate with the audience but not to look at them because you are apart from them and it would break the illusion.
Ronald the Black Horse: [discussing clowns and slapstick] If it's badly done it can be very sad.
Joan the White Horse: It's totally embarassing, yeah, I don't like clowns
Ronald the Black Horse: If it doesn't work out you feel pity for them and that's like so awful.
Miss Dynamite the Pig: I am scared of heights a bit. I think I could get over it though.
Mr Tickles the Seal: You need to warm all those areas up. Your body and then moving on to your voice and I start to hum. Then there's opening your voice and going 'aaa ooo aaa ooo aaa ooo'.
Pickles the Dog: Erm, no what I enjoy about the clowns I think they're very talented actually, because erm when clowns get together at the circus they can do things that are very funny, like they can throw custard pies at each other and things, in a very funny way to make a lot of people laugh and you have to be very talented to be able do that, you have to be an entertainer.
Mr Tickles the Seal: Every time I went on, I could just feel the people laughing at me, it was fantastic! That gives me such a buzz. Such a hell of a buzz.

Pets at the Vets

Martin the Pig: I was injured badly once, somebody kicked me in the forehead. Being very young, I got up and carried on and didn't think it had done me much damage, for all I know some of that damage may still be there, may still affect some of the things I do and some of the things I say.
Ivana the Lion: On my face, my legs, my stomach, my arms, wrists, hands, everywhere. There is no one part on my body that does not have a scar.
Fluffy the Hamster: I once had my head slammed in a door, that was good. I was saying goodbye to my friend and somebody slammed the door on my head, and it was my birthday and I had to have five stitches in my head so I've got them as well.
Clement the Bloodhound: Now, you see, I've had a lot of things wrong with me. There was big problems with my eyes at one stage. I went in about my eyes a lot of times, and had to go and see specialists. But you see what they do is they clamp your head in a... big... clamp, and then they want to bounce things on your eyeballs.
Percy the Piranha: I rarely go to the doctor. Last time I went, he thought I'd died because I hadn't been for such a long time.
Percy the Piranha: That big black mask. You can see it coming towards your face, and the smell of the rubber... Having all my bottom teeth filled without anaesthetic... Dentists. Just... brutal. Really brutal.
Percy the Piranha: I think it's great. I love smiling, I love being happy and jovial, telling jokes, being the butt end of jokes but hey now I can do it with a mouth full of teeth and I'm really looking forward to it.
Alvin the Dancing Bear: I've fallen for a nurse, yeah. I fell for a nurse once, blond, beautiful lady, quite nice she was, yes, used to travel to Birmingham to see her on the old motorbike.
Louise the Bright Yello Budgie: Doctors have always scared me because when I was born I nearly died. I had a 50-50 per cent chance of living when I was born and I was in a little incubator and my eyes were all covered over and I was yellow. Which was awful.
Toby the Blue Persian Cat: I remember having a severe cold which didn't shift and I shared a flat with a couple of vet students who dosed me on Famel syrup, the main active ingredient of which I believe is creosote. So I spent several days smelling like a fence post, but it did the job.

Working Animals

Wally the Cockroach: You know, you hear about chefs being crazy, he was crazy, he would throw knives around, you know, thankfully I didn't have a lot of dealings with him, 'cause I was, you know, dealing with other, sort of, areas in the hotel, but I just kept out of his way. My friend got it in the neck.
Pickles the Dog: If you work every day, and you're doing something you don't enjoy, then life must be so miserable, you know, and if you're doing something you don't enjoy, I don't know why you don't just give it up and do something you do enjoy because, you know, you may as well enjoy life because you don't live for very long, so you may as well enjoy what you're doing when you are working, and I really enjoy what I do and if I ever did something that I didn't enjoy, then I'd give it up immediately and do something that I really did enjoy, because... because I like to enjoy life, you know.
Norman the Maggot: You can't be morbid, else you wouldn't be able to do the work, you've got to have laugh or a joke, you have a joke, you know. It's just you or them, isn't it. Just animal instinct.
Pheasant: Early on, when you're young, you kind of get too excited and you use up so much energy getting nervous, as you get older, now that I'm older you just try and stay calm. [a gunshot is heard; the pheasant hides behind a bush] Ohhh, go away!
Elizabeth the Battery Hen #1: Come on, I'm watching you. Half an hour's gone and you 'aven't done nothing.
Stella the Battery Hen #2: Teamwork. That's one thing about it I like. I wouldn't like to work on my own. There used to be more...
Elizabeth the Battery Hen #1: There used to be 200 of us
Stella the Battery Hen #2: We've lost quite a few
Elizabeth the Battery Hen #1: We're all getting older now look
Trixie: They use mice, don't they, for things.
Captain Cuddlepuss: What? Eyeliner?
Trixie: It's not nice, really is it?
Captain Cuddlepuss: What? Lipstick on a Yorkshire terrier?
Trixie: No.
Elizabeth the Battery Hen # 1: It *is* very repetitive
Stella the Battery Hen #2: Oh yeah, it is very repetitive. The foreman's always watching you.
Sonia the Battery Hen #4: But we couldn't, we couldn't wander about, we can't wander about but if we make a mistake, but then we would be severely reprimanded.
Rosie the Battery Hen #5: I think Feng Shui should be introduced to all office environments.
Earl the Greyhound: Tactics are very important in a race.
Sadie the Black Bird: [in a John Cleese like voice] So sorry! [in her real voice] You know, my job is, you know, I'm in the entertainment business, so you know I'm a singer, actress, whatever, that means I do a lot of travelling, you know, I have to fly to different countries sometimes.

The Sea

Gladys the Seagull: Bobbing around in the sea?
Megan the Seagull: I don't like bobbing around in the sea.
Gladys the Seagull: I used to like bobbing around in the sea, put it that way, when we were younger but I don't go now.
Fergal the Shark: The sound of the sea. Definitely, the sound of the sea. I find it really, really peaceful.
Fergal the Shark: There's only a certain depth you can go to, isn't there? Without, erm... your head exploding!
Sue the Walrus: If you get the bends, it can be quite narcotic, you can get a kind of narcotic effect. You don't know which direction you're going in, you don't know which is up or down, you don't know how long you've been in the water, you can't regulate yourself anymore. I think it's really, really dangerous.
Lorraine the Walrus: I've had altitude sickness which is like the opposite, isn't it?
Ben the Prawn: I don't like jellyfish at all, they frighten me, don't like being stung by anything, bees, wasps, jellyfish, any of that stuff, don't like it.
Sam the Prawn: No, there's nothing that scares me in the sea, only the obvious floaty things which shouldn't really be there to be honest.
Brian the Amoeba: How is water water? It's an eternal mystery. Every time I look at it, it just completely amazes me. It behaves unlike any other material that we've got on the planet. It has a property that nothing else has which is a form of quantum coherence. But water seems to have... the quantum coherence field moves outside the molecule and the water can be seen to be acting as a whole. And this is extraordinarily unusual.

The Garden

Stuart the Caterpillar: What's your favourite plant?
Marcy the Butterfly: I don't have any favourite plants, I like all the plants, except vegetables. I hate vegetables.
Stuart the Caterpillar: I don't like any plants except vegetables.
Marcy the Butterfly: You're only saying that.
Stuart the Caterpillar: No, it's true, I can't...
Marcy the Butterfly: You like olive trees.
Stuart the Caterpillar: I can't see the point of flowers, really.
Stuart the Caterpillar: Yeah, I like the idea of, like, a good crop of potatoes or a good crop of beans or peas, whereas flowers...
Marcy the Butterfly: Aren't useful?
Stuart the Caterpillar: I mean, they are, they're useful in the sense that you can sit and enjoy them, but it's an awful lot of effort, isn't it?
Marcy the Butterfly: ... No, it's not!
Manuel the Mole: I suppose the next one along is a caterpillar, which seems a shame when you think a caterpillar turns into such a beautiful thing but a caterpillar can mek such a mess of, you know, a lot of plants, you know, with leaves munched away again.
Baby Stan the Bird: And Cat Papoo and Dog Papoo!
Baby Ted the Bird: And Bird Papoo.
Edward the Woodpecker: Well, a garden is a place for contemplation, isn't it? For reflection.
Edward the Woodpecker: I get a bird's eye view of some of the most extraordinary gardens. Sometimes you can be up one tree which has eight gardens underneath it. All the neighbouring gardens are gnashing their teeth about this big tree, and the person who owns the tree has a very defensive attitude towards it.
Baby Stan the Bird: Digging dirt up and putting it on the compost. That's our favourite thing in the garden.
Manuel the Mole: Oh yeah, gardenin', you know, it's not an easy job, erm, you know, when you're diggin' all day, you know the ol' back tends to suffer at the end of the day, you make it as easy as you can, really.
Gary the Slug: There is a shrub that I do like actually, and it's the Burning Bush, have you ever seen one?
Nigel the Slug: The burning bush?
Gary the Slug: It's called a burning bush.
Nigel the Slug: A burning bush?
Gary the Slug: A burning bush it's called, and basically it goes green and when it dies, it goes to die off it goes completely brilliant red. That's why they call it a burning bush 'cause actually it goes from a nice dark green to a real burning red. And that's called the burning bush. It just goes to, like, branches, in little branches and then it goes green and then goes all over it again but the tree never goes away, it stays there all the time, so it's a bush that's there, well I should say a shrub... as well as a bush, what is there all year round?

Feeding Time

Megan the Seagull: English food is very bland isn't it?
Gladys the Seagull: Yeah, but I'm not I'm not terribly spicy, I'm not, well, i like spices but the spices don't like me, know what I mean?
Megan the Seagull: I like spices, and I like all kinds, and there's nothing round here anyway, is there?
Grace the Spider: I don't catch flies, because they eat poo. And I don't like poo.
Frank the Tortoise: Ooh. Eggs and chips. Egg chips gammon, erm. [pauses] Chip Butties.
Pickles the Dog: Well, Beans makes me wind and Lemonade makes me burp [laughs histerically].
Dennis the Dung Beetle: So long as it's filling and barely edible, I'll pretty much eat it, I'm always too hungry to be picky.
Police Dog: You know when I was very young, and first went with the force, if there was four or five hooligans, you know, sort of standing in the way, they would be told to move. And God help them if they didn't move. You know, they'd get a bite on the bum, and probably a smack round the earhole with a cape, erm, you know, from the policeman.
Pickles the Dog: You know if I have too much chocolate, I get a bit fat [giggles] and I put on a little weight.
Constantine the Stallion: We had, er, in fact we have wild strawberries, we have wild strawberries, er, and of course if it was acorn, acorn time, you could always eat an acorn, and even a thistle, you could always peel the top off a thistle.
Silent Mouse: What are you looking at?

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