Criminal Minds Quotations

Criminal Minds is an American CBS television show about an elite squad of FBI profilers that analyzes the country's most twisted criminal minds and anticipates their next move before they strike again.

Extreme Aggressor [1.1]

Gideon: Joseph Conrad said, "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."

Hotchner: This is Special Agent Spencer Reid.

Gideon: Doctor Reid.

Hotchner: Dr. Reid, our expert on...well, everything.

[dog barks and jumps on Reid]

Hotchner: We call it the Reid effect; it happens with children, too.

Hotchner: This is Dr. Reid

Heather’s Brother: Doctor? You seem too young to have gotten into medical school...

Reid: They're PhD's, three of them.

Heather’s Brother: Are you a genius or something?

Reid: I don’t believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute. [gets a weird look] Yes, I’m a genius.

Morgan: Reid, are you good with this? We’ve got a woman who’s only got a few hours left to live, an incomplete profile and a Unit Chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Gideon: [enters the room] They don’t call them nervous breakdowns anymore.

Reid: It's called a major depressive episode.

Morgan: [to Elle] Next time, show a little leg.

Gideon: Emerson said, "All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle."

Gideon: "Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

Reid: Samuel Beckett.

Morgan: "Try not. Do, or do not."

Reid: Yoda.

Garcia: You've reached Penelope Garcia in the FBI's office of Supreme Genius.

Morgan: Hey it's Morgan. I need you to work some magic here. I've got a program called Deadbolt Defence and a girl with only a couple hours to live so what do you know?

Garcia: You've got a problem- Deadbolt's the #1 password crack-resistant software out there. You're gonna have to get inside this guy's head to get the password.

Morgan: I thought I was calling the office of Supreme Genius.

Garcia: Well gorgeous, you've been re-routed to the office of Too Frickin' Bad.

Reid: [referring to Gideon] Do you know why he always introduces me as Dr. Reid?

Hotchner: Because he knows people see you as a kid and he wants to make sure they respect you.

Hotchner: Winston Churchill said, "The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see."

Hotch:[to Morgan] Do you know what Gideon means?

Reid: [Walking past] Warrior. Ancient Hebrew.

Gideon: Nietzsche once said, "When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you."

Compulsion [1.2]

Gideon: Faulkner once said, "Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."

Elle: Chemical accelerant could mean chemistry student.

Reid: It could also mean chemistry professor.

Elle: I say student. You need self-confidence to lecture in front of a classroom full of 30 college kids. Arsonists are socially incompetent. This guy doesn’t go on dates, doesn’t go to parties, doesn’t feel comfortable in front of groups. [Reid looks at Elle] And of course he’s a total psychopath.

Reid: Of course.

Patrol Guy: You’re one of those FBI guys. A profiler, right? Like, one look at the crime scene you can tell what kind of shampoo a killer uses.

Gideon: You’re a bit skeptical.

Patrol Guy: Maybe a little.

Gideon: Your girlfriend thinks you’re going to break up with her.

Patrol Guy: You’re kidding, right?

(Later)

Gideon: You broke up with her. No more necklace.

Patrol Guy: Yeah, I kinda wanted to date someone else.

Gideon: What's her name?

Patrol Guy: Brian

Gideon: Oh. Well, that's...that's a pretty good reason.

Garcia: Okay, you know how on Star Trek when Captain Kirk asked McCoy to do something totally impossible and McCoy says, "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!"?

Morgan: Hey, what are you telling me? Not to expect a miracle?

Garcia: No, I'm saying I'm not a doctor.

Morgan: That's my girl.

Elle: Well, what is the most sinful place on campus?

Morgan: Come on Elle, when I was in college it was everywhere.

Morgan: You know there’s got to be a faster way to do this. How about we just change the first question to "have you recently dated a homicidal pyromaniac?"

Gideon: No badges. I don’t want to satisfy the unsub’s need for attention by letting him know the FBI is here. Try not to look official. (looks at the team) Try to look less official.

Student: Clara, is the building on fire?

Clara: Not yet.

Garcia: If I figure it out, does it earn me a night of passionate love-making?

Morgan: Most definitely, sweetness. With Reid.

Student: [to Hotch] Can you solve the three-body problem? (Reid nods in the background) The gravitational pull of the Sun, the Earth and the Moon? (Reid nods vigorously)

Gideon: You rely too much on precedent, you never allow for the unexpected.

Gideon: James Reese once said, "There are certain clues at a crime scene which, by their very nature, do not lend themselves to being collected or examined. How's one collect love, rage, hatred, fear...? These are things that we're trained to look for."

Gideon: Einstein once said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited; imagination encircles the world."

Won't Get Fooled Again [1.3]

Gideon: Samuel Johnson wrote, "Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those who we cannot resemble."

Mrs. Walker: Are you single?

Elle: Yes.

Mrs. Walker: I have a word of advice. Don’t marry the first guy that proposes.

Elle: I may have something. Barbara Keller was having some trouble insuring some coins she bought. The insurance company thought they might be fake.

Hotchner: So the insurance company is blowing up annoying clients?

Morgan: My bomb fragments- let’s start putting this bad boy together.

Garcia: Why bother, don’t you just dust for prints and...stuff?

Morgan: Garcia, what are you doing in the FBI?

Garcia: I didn’t get into medical school.

[Piecing together the bomb]

Garcia:: If there was a longer rod, it could've fit here and gone all the way through...

(Morgan looks a her in surprise)

Garcia: Tetris.

Hotch: I spent most of my childhood looking for a 1958 nickle valued at over 10 thousand dollars

[everyone stares]

Hotch: Okay, I was a bit of a nerd, is that so surprising?

Plain Sight [1.4]

Gideon: French poet Jacques Rigaut said, "Don't forget that I cannot see myself. My role is limited to being the one who looks in the mirror."

Gideon: Finding new ways to hurt each other is what we're good at.

Morgan: Why the Tommy Killer?

Hotchner: You know the rock opera? Well, this unsub glues his victim's eyes wide open.

Reid: He wants them to see him.

Gideon: And feel them.

Hotchner: [about Reid] Isn't it amazing he knows what he knows and he's only 24?

Gideon: Imagine what he'll know by fifty.

Elle: [seeing Reid having trouble blowing out the candles] I thought you were full of hot air, Reid.

Reid: [to Gideon, after JJ says :Spence, come get your cake"] She's the only person in the whole world who calls me Spence.

Morgan: I hate not having a plan. We’re looking for a needle in a haystack.

Reid: Actually, it’s more like we’re looking for a needle in a pile of needles.

Morgan: What?

Reid: A needle would stand out in a haystack.

Reid: You should see what comes up when you type "death" into a search engine.

Morgan: No wonder you can't find a date.

Reid: Do you think it's weird that I knew that ballad?

Elle: Reid, I don't know how you know half the stuff you know, but I'm glad you do.

Reid: Do you think that's why I can't get a date?

Elle: Have you ever asked anyone?

Reid: [Reid shifts his eyes] No.

Elle: That's why you can't get a date.

Gideon: There’s someone else on the plane that’s a huge Skins fan.

Reid: Who?

Gideon: The only person in the world who calls you 'Spence.'

Reid: Checkmate

Gideon: Rose Kennedy once said, "Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them."

Broken Mirror [1.5]

Gideon: Euripides said, "When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him."

Morgan: So what happened with you and JJ at the Redskins game?

Reid: Top secret.

[after seeing another agent flirt with Morgan, and seeing girls stare at him]

Reid: Must be tough, man.

[Morgan laughs]

Morgan: Not really.

Reid: What do you mean? You don't DO anything and these women are throwing themselves at you.

Morgan: Strictly off limits, Reid.

Reid: There's no code of conduct that says agents can't socialize.

Morgan: See, my code of survival says never mess with a woman who carries a gun.

Reid: I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think I do.

Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?

Reid: Every day since I met you.

Elle: This morning at breakfast.

Hotchner: Yesterday when he beat you at cards.

Mr. Davenport: [talking to Reid] Excuse me c-can you actually read that fast?

Reid: Our conscious mind can process 16 bits of information per second, our unconscious however can process 11 million. [Mr. Davenport looks over at Gideon with a questioning look] Yes, I, I really can read this fast.

Elle: [regarding Cheryl claiming that she can feel when something is wrong with her twin] You think Cheryl's a wackjob because she says she can feel her sister's anxiety?

Morgan: I never said wackjob [Reid walks in]

Reid: Actually there may be a physiological basis for it.. reuniting with her sister.

Morgan: Don't ask.

Reid: Reversed egg symmetry, eggs split late between 9 to 12 days, the DNA matches right down to the last stranded code, there are sporadic documents of shared physiological pain.

Morgan: And you believe it?

Reid: No I'm just saying its possible...

Gideon: Euripides said, "When love is in excess it brings a man no honor nor worthiness."

L.D.S.K. [1.6]

Gideon: Nietzsche wrote, "The irrationality of a thing is not an argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."

Hotchner: Shakespeare wrote, "Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable."

[Reid hits the target in the groin area while aiming for the upper torso]

Hotchner: Did Elle teach you that?"

Reid: Look at me, without a gun I look like a teacher's assistant!

Hotch: You know why they took away Boy Genius' gun?

Philip Dowd: Why?

Hotch: He failed his qualification. Twice a year I gotta listen to him whine about requalifying so I tutored him, and he fails again.

Philip Dowd: You think you got it rough? These people have done nothing but undermine me since I got here.

Hotch: Go next to the barricade. That way when they blast their way in both of our problems are solved. You could ruin a cop's career.

Philip Dowd: You are one sick dude.

Hotch: How do you think I found you?

Hotch: (to Dowd) Can I ask you a favor?

Philip Dowd: You could ask.

Hotch: I figure the chances of my getting out of here alive are pretty slim.

Philip Dowd: So?

Hotch: (about Reid) Will you let me kick the snot out of this kid? He's made my life miserable for three lousy years.

Philip Dowd: Knock yourself out.

Hotch: (to Reid, as he kicks him in the stomach) I'll school you now, smart guy! It's front sight, trigger press, follow through! It's not that hard, a Dalmatian could do it!

Philip Dowd: (about Hotch kicking Reid) You feel better now?

Hotch: I think he got the message.

Hotchner: Well, I wouldn't have kept kicking you, I was afraid you didn't get my plan.

Reid: I got your plan the minute you moved the hostages out of my line of fire.

Hotchner: Well I hope I didn't hurt you too badly.

Reid: Hotch, I was a twelve year old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a nine year old girl.

Reid: I know I should feel bad about what happened. I mean, I killed a man. You know, I should feel something...but I don't.

Gideon: Not knowing what you feel, that’s not the same as not feeling anything.

Gideon: This is going to hit you, and when it does, there's only three facts you need to know. You did what you had to do, and a lot of good people are alive because of what you did.

Reid: What's the third?

Gideon: I'm proud of you.

The Fox [1.7]

Gideon (Dr. Thomas Fuller),"With foxes we must play the fox."

Gideon: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

JJ: (discussing Hotch's newborn baby) He's so gorgeous.

Haley: Thank you.

Reid: If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive.

Reid: Nobody takes therapy these days without a healthy dose of medication.

Garcia: What are you implying, Reid?

Reid: That everyone is medicated.

Garcia: Did you just make a joke?

Reid: No, I mean, statistics, they-they show it-

Garcia: Reid, next time just say yes.

Morgan: That's what everybody says until they find the body in the basement.

Morgan: You move, I'm gonna break your neck.

Reid: Are you hacking into the government HMO database? Is that legal?

Garcia: Of course not. We'll go to prison and you'll become someone's bitch.

Reid: Really?

Natural Born Killer [1.8]

Gideon: Hemingway wrote, "There is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else.”

Hotchner: You were just responding to what you learned Vincent. When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent household.. it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers.

Vincent: Some people?

Hotchner: What's that?

Vincent: You said some people grow up to become killers.

Hotchner: ...And some people grow up to catch them.

[Garcia enters the room with a cardboard box.]

Morgan: Please tell me you brought some breakfast.

Garcia: Trust me, sugar. You're not going to want to eat when you see what's in here.

Russo: Look, I don't speak smart ass. So, you got something to say to me?

Gideon: Carl Jung said, "The healthy man does not torture others. Generally, it is the tortured who turn into torturers.”

Elle: Here's something...[puts her coffee cup on Garcia's desk]...What can you tell me about Vincent Sartori?

[Garcia chucks coffee cup in the bin]

Elle: I was still drinking that.

Garcia: Not only is this equipment expensive, it's also extremely sensitive.

[Reid and Elle share a weird look]

[Elle is speaking about a criminal's sealed records]

Elle: Can you get into those records?

Reid: Despite the fact that they were probably expunged, she can find the faintest echo of deletion, successfully recreate the file, thereby sending us all to prison for computer felony fraud counts.

[Elle and Garcia share a weird look]

Elle: We can make bail.

Derailed [1.9]

Gideon: Robert Oxton Bolt once wrote, "A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind."

Morgan: And remember, play into the guy's fantasy, believe it yourself.

Reid: Actually, did you know that dentists and surgeons have been secretly recruited to implant these during otherwise normal medical procedures? This has been happening on and off since the late 1930s. [Morgan looks at him] Told me to believe.

Reid: Could at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?

Morgan: Come on, Reid, what are you talking about, a magic trick?

Reid: Yeah I'm talkin' about a magic trick.

Elle: Gideon, will you tell him that I don't need to go to the hospital?

Gideon: Regulations are regulations. You all right?

Elle: I'm fine, Dad.

Gideon: Elle?

Elle: Yeah?

Gideon: Don't ever call me Dad again.

[Gideon walks away]

Elle: I wonder how he'd feel about Mom?

Reid: Let me know when you're going to do that so I can, uh, run.

Elle: Um, Reid you probably saved my life in there.

Reid: Probably? I totally saved your life. And I'm pretty certain it's caught on tape.

Reid: Albert Einstein asked, "The question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or the others crazy?"

The Popular Kids [1.10]

Gideon: Sir Peter Ustinov said, "Unfortunately, a super abundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares."

Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at all the Physics mistakes?

Reid: Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek. Especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.

Morgan: Right.

Gideon: [after finding out the local kids found a dead body in the woods and watched it decompose over a long period of time without reporting anything] This was a human being!

Morgan:[To Reid] You want some coffee with that sugar?

Gideon: Playwright Eugene Ionesco said, "Ideology separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together."

Blood Hungry [1.11]

Gideon: Garcia?

Hotchner: Penelope...? The tech with the glasses...?

Gideon: The room...the one with all the screens...? [Hotchner nods] She's great.

[Morgan walks in and startles Elle]

Elle: Dude!

Morgan: Dude? You're way too tense.

Hotchner: How is it having Gideon around?

Garcia: You can have him back whenever you would like.

Hotchner: Sometimes what we don't do is every bit as powerful as what we do.

Gideon: Harriet Beecher Stowe once said "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."

What Fresh Hell [1.12]

Gideon: "The poet, W. H. Auden wrote, 'Evil is unspectacular, and always human, and shares our bed and eats at our table.'"

Journalist: Come on, JJ. Gimme something. For old times sake.

JJ: [sighs] Okay... [looks around, steps closer, whispers]) You may wanna rethink that tie.

Gideon: Hey Hotch, did you send flowers to that tech room girl Garcia and say they were from me?

Hotchner: Yeah.

Gideon: Why?

Hotchner: Jason, people need to know that they're important and sometimes you forget that.

Gideon: I already sent her a gift, an MP3 player. It lasts longer unless you drop it or the batteries die, whichever comes first.

Hotchner: So she got two gifts?

Gideon: What if she thinks I'm sweet on her!

Gideon: "Measure not the work until the day's out and the labor done." Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Poison [1.13]

Gideon: Roman philosopher Lucretius said, "What is food to one, is to others bitter poison."

Gideon: Confucius warned us, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

Riding the Lightning [1.14]

Gideon: Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed. (Genesis 9:6)

Gideon: Albert Pine said, "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."

Unfinished Business [1.15]

Reid: What do you think of Ryan?

Hotchner: He hasn't changed much.

Reid: I think we can learn a lot from him.

Hotchner: What could you possibly learn that you don't already know?

Reid: Hotch, repetitive thinking is a death knell for the brain. For complete brain usage, diverse stimulation is the key.

Ryan: [reading second note] In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.

Gideon: He's quoting Sir Francis Bacon now.

Ryan: I used this specific quote in my...

Reid: In your book on page 184. I read it on the plane.

Ryan: And you remember the page number and the quote?

Morgan: Don't ask.

Morgan: So they've been here all night?

Hotchner: Apparently.

Elle: Where else would any of us be on a Saturday night? It's not like we have lives or anything.

Morgan: Speak for yourself.

Ryan: Miss me?

Gideon: No.

Ryan: Just here to buy a book then, huh?

Gideon: What can I say? Profilers, they fascinate me.

Gideon: Norman Maclean wrote, "It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us."

Gideon: Hmm...You look comfortable up there. Why don't you come back to the BAU for a guest lecture?

Ryan: I'm retired, remember?

Gideon: Hell of a way to relax, 323 pages on the one that got away.

Ryan: He hasn't gotten away - and you didn't count that eight page prologue.

Elle: Abraham Lincoln once said "In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

Hotch: He moved to be closer to the crime scenes.

Elle: That's retirement?

The Tribe [1.16]

Hotchner: Nietzsche wrote, "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe."

Blackwolf: [to Gideon] You look like a college professor. [to Reid] You look like his student. [to Hotchner] You look like FBI.

Blackwolf: We don't do massacres. You do.

Hotchner: Me personally?

Blackwolf: Your government.

Officer: Are you trying to tell us that Indians wouldn’t be so brutal?

Blackwolf: No, I’m saying that Indians wouldn’t be so confused.

Hotchner: This is a surprise. Haven’t cut your hair since Thanksgiving.

Sean: That’s what you said at Christmas.

Sean: You saying that I can't take care of myself?

Hotchner: No. This is my way of saying that I'm a jackass.

Sean: I guess it's hereditary.

JJ: That’s Hotch’s brother? I don’t see it.

Hotchner: Sean, listen to me. All I’m saying is that you’re 25 years old.

Sean: You know what? Don’t profile me Aaron. [storms away]

JJ: Now I see it.

Elle: Brother…as in that’s Hotch’s brother?

Garcia: Maybe Hotch is adopted?

Gideon: Are the Ga'he good spirits or bad spirits?

Blackwolf: They're both. Like men.

Blackwolf: Samuel, tell the men from the FBI who the Ga'he are.

Reid: The Ga'he are mighty spirits who dwell in desert caves.

Hotchner: Reid, is your name Samuel?

Reid: Sorry.

Reid: She's answering every question with just her name and Social Security Number.

Hotchner: Like a prisoner of war.

Gideon: The children?

Hotchner: Fine, we got them out before they got here. We took down these four.

Reid: Without firing a shot?

Blackwolf: Captain America here shot number 5.

Hotchner: You’re welcome.

[on why he does not carry a gun]

Blackwolf: I have other options besides shooting a man.

Reid: Like negotiating.

Blackwolf: Like running.

Blackwolf: There are many paths to the same place. Trust me.

Hotchner: Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie.

A Real Rain [1.17]

Gideon: Gandhi said, "Better to be violent if there's violence in our hearts than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence."

Hotchner: Gandhi also said, "I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary. The evil it does is permanent."

Morgan: Do you have any idea how many cases run through there every year?

Garcia: 122,998.

Hotchner: You’re a genius.

Garcia: You’re just saying that ‘cause it’s true.

Reid: I'd like to see New York.

Morgan: You've never been to New York?

Reid: We've never had an unsub there.

Hotchner: [to Gideon] I thought you were going to talk to Reid about taking some vacation time?

Gideon: What's vacation time?

Elle: You guys, we're here in New York and even when we aren't talking about our case we end up talking about another profiler.

Hotchner: You’re right. So Elle, you seeing anyone?

Reid: [to the waitress, after having difficulty with his chopsticks] Excuse me, could I get a fork perhaps? [group laughs] Did you know that experts credit Confucius with the advent of the chopstick. He equated knives with acts of aggression.

Morgan: You don't know how to use them, do ya?

Reid: It's like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils. It’s absolutely incredible, 1.3 billion people stay nourished because of these things.

Officer: So are we looking for an ex-con or some nut job with an Amazon account?

Female Officer: [after hearing the unsub's profile] So we're looking for a small, angry, white guy with a day job?

Hotchner: Ok, here's what we know. Blitz attackers are almost always male.

Morgan: Well, he got picked up in the pouring rain by a New York cabbie, so we definitely know he's not a brother.

Gideon: W. H. Auden said, "Murder is unique in that it abolishes the party it injures, so that society must take the place of the victim and on his behalf demand atonement or grant forgiveness."

Somebody's Watching [1.18]

Gideon: Diane Arbus once said, "A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know."

Reid: Gideon, there are actually people taking photos of us from the next yard.

Detective Owen Kim: Welcome to LA.

[Reid is trying unsuccessfully to convince Lila to come out of her swimming pool]

Lila: Really, Spencer, you should live a little.

Reid: Live a little? I've known you for 48 hours and I feel like I've aged 10 years!

Garcia: [answering phone] Oracle of Quantico. Speak if you deign to hear truth.

Morgan: [mimicking Lila after she shares Reid's drink] You don't mind sharing with me, do ya?

Reid: Shut up. [turns and walks away]

Morgan: Go get 'em, lover.

[The artist has just mentioned that she thinks her picture is boring]

Gideon: Oh, I don't think so. I mean nothing's just a picture. If viewed correctly--whatever that means--one can see world views, obsessions, manifestations of the subconscious.

Gideon: We're leaving.

Reid: We're still looking at the exhibit.

Gideon: Now. [Reid turns to Lila and back to Gideon] Now. Now.

Reid: I guess we're leaving.

Gideon: Reid, now.

Parker Dunley: Spencer. Spencer Reid. Dude, dude. Look at you. You look just the same. Look at you dude, nothing’s changed. [to Gideon] Spencer was the only twelve year old in our graduating class. [to Reid again] Just the same.

Reid: Do I look twelve years old to you?

Gideon: ...fourteen.

Gideon: Bernard Shaw once said, "An American has no sense of privacy. He does not know what it means. There is no such thing in the country."

Machismo [1.19]

Hotchner: Anthony Brandt wrote, "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family."

Haley: Go, it’s all right. I’m not mad. [walks away]

Hotchner: You heard her. She said it was all right.

Jessica: You’re one hell of a profiler.

Jessica: You’re holding him like a cantaloupe.

Hotchner: Why? You think you can do better? Here you go, smartypants.

[Baby quiets down in her arms]

Hotchner: Fine. Let’s see you profile a disorganized psychopath.

Morgan: Nothing like jet sleep, right?

Elle: Yeah, kind of like a night of drinking without the drinking.

[Garcia rattles off some bad Spanish]

Morgan: Easy there, Garcia. I think you just offended somebody’s mother.

Garcia: Shut up you. I took French. What can I say?

Morgan: Penelope, your last name is Garcia.

Garcia: Yeah, I know. It’s my stepfather’s name. Do you want my genius or not?

Hotch: How do you say 'doghouse' in Spanish?

Reid: La ca-sa del pair-o

Elle: La casita del perro.

Reid: That's what I said

Elle: Face it chico, you are only a genius in English

Elle: [upon seeing the skeleton] Hotch!

Hotchner: A little late.

Hotchner: Serial killers make lousy tourist attractions.

JJ: At least you get to spend your birthday weekend in Mexico.

Hotchner: Yeah, what's 'doghouse' in Spanish?

Gideon: In my experience, evil is not a cultural phenomenon - it's a human one.

Hotchner: Mexican proverb, “The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.”

Charm & Harm [1.20]

Gideon: The author François de la Rochefoucauld wrote, "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves."

Morgan: Why are you acting so weird?

Elle: We're sitting with a guy who knows that there are 800 kernels of corn on the average cob...

Reid: ...Arranged in 16 separate rows.

Elle: And you're calling me weird?

Gideon: [after finding Gregory's fake IDs] Look at all these driver's licenses, he could start his own DMV.

[Elle's phone rings]

Morgan: Aww, that must be the boyfriend.

Elle: Yes, it is. [answers phone] Hey, Gideon.

Elle: You really don't know someone till you take a road trip with them.

Morgan: What are you trying to say?

Elle: Look at this car, man. There's empty soda cans and fast food wrappers everywhere. You're a slob. You know, back at Quantico your desk was all neat, but I bet if you looked in those drawers you'd find a mess.

Morgan: Okay, we have been on the road way too long.

Doug Gregory: Are you telling me that young boys aren’t curious?

Gideon: Sure, they’re curious, but not all peek into windows.

Reid: How old was he when this happened?

Doug Gregory: Ten.

Reid: Were they close?

Doug Gregory: She was his mother!

Garcia: Aaron, do you have any idea how many people drown every day?

Hotchner: Well, yeah. They’re more in the summer for obvious reasons, but I think it averages to about 6500 a year, which is... 17 a day?

Garcia: Is this Reid?

Gideon: The French philosopher Voltaire wrote, "There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts."

Secrets and Lies [1.21]

Gideon: Albert Einstein said, "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

Gideon: Only beach you’ll see is on a postcard I send you from my vacation.

Gideon: Do you want my help?

Bruno: Yeah.

Gideon: Then I need my team.

JJ: What do you suppose this is about?

Reid: Call me cynical, but considering it's 2 a.m., I doubt it's good news.

JJ: You are a genius.

Elle: [to Gideon] You said you would send a postcard from a beach. You lied.

Reid: Yeah. You hate the beach.

Gideon: One thing I've learned over the years profiling CIA agents, spies are some of the smartest liars in the world. Be smarter.

Garcia: Hey, you do know what this means? We can find out if Princess Diana's death really was accidental!

JJ: I think that's exactly the kind of thing that got you on the list.

Reid: [after learning the CIA staged the victim's suicide] Boy, I'm glad not to have that job.

Gideon: George Orwell said, "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."

The Fisher King (Part 1) [1.22]

Gideon: Writer Elbert Hubbard said, "No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one."

Morgan: [about Reid] He look OK to you?

Elle: He looks about the way I would if I was gonna spend two weeks with my family.

JJ: [about the incredible Sir Kneighf] Please don’t tell me you have a crush on a fictional character.

Garcia: He’s not fictional. He’s the online alter-ego of a real person.

JJ: Hmmm, you don’t even know anything about him, even if it is…him.

Garcia: Look, we meet online at specified times that he is never late to. We spend hours adventuring and chatting during which time I have his undivided attention and he lavishes me with flattery. When was the last time you had a date go that well?

JJ: See if he’s got a fictional brother.

Morgan: Well, you all right there, Greenaway?

Elle: Go away.

Morgan: See you tomorrow?

Elle: Afternoon.

Guy: Afternoon?

Elle: Don't speak.

Elle: [after Reid explains the medieval significance of the word "non"] Reid, do not ever go away again!

Jamaican Cop: Where is the victim’s head?

Elle: Well, I must have dropped it on my way in here.

Killer: [on videotape] You will understand why it must be this way. You may even thank me.

Elle: Don't hold your breath, scumbag.

The Fisher King (Part 2) [2.1]

Gideon: "The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body; after all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind." French writer François de la Rochefoucauld.

Hotchner: He's delusional. He thinks he's a mythological king.

Gideon: But delusion and this level of organization are almost mutually exclusive.

Reid: [discussing a Chaucer poem] My mom used to read me that. It's widely considered as the first Valentine's poem.

Garcia: Your mom read you Valentine's poems? Hello, therapy.

Hotchner: What the hell was that?

Reid: He had a bomb.

Morgan: You didn't think we needed to know that?

Reid: I told you to go downstairs.

Morgan: You didn't say "bomb!"

Reid: "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Rose Kennedy.

P911 [2.2]

Gideon: Theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer said "The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children."

Morgan: [to Reid] Come on genius, do something genius-like.

The Perfect Storm [2.3]

Gideon: Mark Twain wrote "Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."

Reid: Strange in this case the abused actually became the abuser.

Garcia: Doesn't happen a lot?

Reid: One in eight.

Garcia: You found the one.

Joey Daven: This is my third strike, I am not going down for this [draws a gun]

Morgan: whoa whoa whoa! [draws gun, Gideon sloooowly draws his gun, then the officer shoots Joey Daven]

Officer: I had to do it, he wouldn't put the gun down

Hotchner: Philosopher Kahlil Gibran wrote "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

Psychodrama [2.4]

Hotchner: "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth," Oscar Wilde

Hotchner: Well there's one thing I didn't tell the trainees.

Gideon: What's that?

Hotchner: We don't get paid enough.

Gideon: You got that right.

Hotchner: It doesn't make sense, they're children.

Gideon: He's playing out a fantasy.

Hotchner: Yes, but it's his fantasy and it's someone else's children.

Garcia: Uhm, pals, don't be ticked, but I think I might have missed the glaringly obvious; how would you make yourself taller without being a different person entirely or having some weird Chinese surgery?

Hotchner: It took you nine minutes to call 911.

Bank Manager: I was collecting the tapes.

Hotchner: Before you called 911?

Garcia: Hey, I got four bank robberies worth of security footage, what do you want me to do with them?

Hotchner: You know your digital perspect whatever software?

Garcia: Digital Perspective Analysis rendering?

Hotchner: Yeah.

Garcia: Honey not only do I know it, I helped develop it.

Garcia: [after Hotchner asked her to review surveillance footage] Honey, if he opens his mouth I'll tell you the length of his teeth.

Hotchner: Just keep it clean. And don't call me "honey."

Gideon: Ready?

Morgan: Let's go rob a bank.

Gideon: Save one life, we save the world.

Hotchner: "The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours, but that this humiliation is seen by everyone," Milan Kundera

The Aftermath [2.5]

Morgan: Oh, one last thing. Look up the words "sexy" and "brilliant" in that computer of yours, and tell me what you come up with.

Garcia: Look at that, it's me.

Morgan: You are a goddess, woman. Ciao. [to surrounding fertility clinic patients, most of whom are paying rapt attention] ...It was a work call.

Gideon: Doesn't anybody ever go home?

Elle: You're here.

Gideon: Exactly. Trust me, you don't want to model your social life on mine.

Callahan: I figured you wouldn't be sleeping either.

Gideon: What are you doing here?

Callahan: I took a room on the hall.

Gideon: You live four blocks away.

Callahan: Exactly. Why be separated from the work?

Reid: Hotch is married; Morgan's... you know... Morgan.

Reid: Elle, he's dead. You're-- you're right here. You won.

Elle: [holds up glass] Then here's to winning.

Morgan: I'd like to make a request.

Garcia: With that sultry voice? You name it.

Reid: I thought maybe... you might want to talk.

Elle: Don't go all profiler on me.

Reid: Elle, you got shot in your own home, and then came back to the BAU like nothing even happened. Thinking you might want to talk isn't profiling, it's Psych 101.

Gideon: Helen Keller once said "Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it."

The Boogeyman [2.6]

Reid: Garcia, I'm sitting in the dark alone, thanks.

Garcia: While you're waiting for a potential murderer to come home? Kind of dangerous. Kind of sexy.

Garcia: Reid, seriously, people that go inside that house never come out. Spoooky.

Reid: Garcia, could you at least pretend not to enjoy that rumor so much since I have actually entered that house?

Morgan: The only thing I was afraid of was the dark.

Reid: Some of us still are.

JJ: The woods were the only thing I was afraid of when I was a kid.

Morgan: Seriously? I thought you grew up in a small town.

JJ: Yeah... surrounded by woods.

Reid: Did you guys hear that Elle was cleared?

Morgan: Self-defense.

Reid: So it was a good shoot?

JJ: Well, she hit what she was aiming for.

Reid: That's not what I meant.

JJ: I know.

Gideon: Why'd you hurt those kids?

Jeffrey: Because I wanted to.

Morgan: [about Elle] She almost died. I'd be drinking, too.

Morgan: [while in Finnegan's house looking at hunting trophies] When this is all said and done, I'd like to hang his head on my wall.

Morgan: [after Morgan and Reid learn the story JJ told them wasn't true] JJ, that was pretty good. Just know that paybacks are a bitch.

JJ: I'm shakin'.

Morgan: Yeah Reid, why are you still afraid of the dark?

Reid: Because of the inherent absence of light!

Gideon: Unopened bowls of creamed spinach thrown into the trash, each one wrapped with duct tape.

Reid: One with each tray.

Morgan: So we're looking for a guy who really, really, hates spinach.

Reid: Who doesn't?

Elle: I really wanted to be a part of the team.

Hotchner: You were.

Elle: But when I needed the team, I was all alone. I was alone in the one place that I have the right to feel safe, and that's my home.

Elle: You know, when I first joined the team, I couldn't figure out why you never, ever smile. Now I think I'm actually gonna miss that.

Hotchner: [after Elle has walked away] I'm gonna miss you too.

Hotchner: Plato wrote "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

North Mammon [2.7]

JJ: Legendary basketball coach John Wooden said: "It's not so important who starts the game, but who finishes it."

Chief Yates: Listen, these people...they're my friends. They're my neighbors, good people. I don't want anybody assuming that they're involved.

Hotchner: We just got here. We're not assuming anything.

Hotchner: I thought everybody wanted to become a profiler.

JJ: Sorry.

Garcia: He who seeks the "Queen of All Knowledge," speak and be recognized.

Reid: Garcia, we're sending you some cigarettes.

Garcia: Why not a flesh-eating virus? It'll be faster and far less painful.

Reid: We need some butts rushed to the lab for DNA analysis.

Garcia: Reid... I love it when you say 'butts.'

JJ: "The ultimate choice for a man, in as much as he is driven to transcend himself, is to create or to destroy, to love or to hate." Erich Fromm

Empty Planet [2.8]

Gideon: Robespierre wrote "Crime butchers innocence to secure a prize, and innocence struggles with all its might against the attempts of crime."

Garcia: Je suis toujours ici pour toi, mon cher.

Morgan: Drives me crazy when you talk that "voulez coucher" stuff to me. [teasing] Stop it.

Gideon:(to Morgan) Ever talked to someone who wants to continually show you he's smarter than you?

Morgan:(motions to Reid) Every day.

JJ: [while playing gin] Oh I'm beating you, genius.

Reid: Genius Doctor Reid let you win.

Ursula Kent: [reading the bomber's manifesto] Aside from the sections of my novel that were blatantly plagiarized, I didn't recognize anything. It's just page after page of the ravings of a lunatic.

Morgan: Hey dollface, ready to work some magic for me?

Garcia: Challenge me, you beautiful behavioral analyst.

Reid: [Referring to the bomber's phone call warning of an attack "where it all began"] So Seattle's "where it all began."

Morgan: We just need to figure out what "it" is, and off the top of my head I can think of grunge music and overpriced coffee.

Dr. Cooke: A cognitive scientist at MIT once said, "Coincidences seem to be the source for some of our greatest irrationalities."

Reid: Our minds see coincidences and seek out-

Gideon: I understood him.

Reid: I need to stop by a bookstore and pick up a copy of Empty Planet. I'd like to reread it before we talk to the author... I haven't read it since I was six.

Morgan: Six? I was still riding my Big Wheeler at six years old.

Reid: Do you mind? It will only take ten minutes.

Gideon: To buy it or to read it?

Reid: Uh... both, actually.

Garcia:...A guy went crazy on a bunch of computers at a science lab, screaming, "We will soon be the slaves and the machines will be the masters."

Garcia: [Looking around at her many computers] Yikes. That would totally suck for me. [Whisper] I'm surrounded in here.

Morgan: Come on, what are you worried about? You've got me to protect you.

Garcia: Hah! Now that gets my blood up.

The Last Word [2.9]

Hotchner: Elbert Hubbard once wrote "If men could only know each other, they would never either idolize or hate."

Hotchner: Mahatma Gandhi once said "All through history, there have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always."

Lessons Learned [2.10]

Gideon: Dale Turner mused "Some of the best lessons are learned from past mistakes. The error of the past is the wisdom of the future."

Reid: Yet the words 'holy' and 'war' never appear together in the Qu'ran.

Gideon: We receive comfort from our prayers.

Jind Allah: We?

Gideon: Human beings. [pause] I say something wrong?

Jind Allah: You placed us on the same level.

Gideon: Aren't we?

Jind Allah: Well, here, I am thought of as less than human.

Gideon: And in your jihad, I am.

Jind Allah: Who is your worst enemy, Agent Gideon?

Gideon: It's not a who, it's a what. Ignorance.

Agent Bingaman: Two weeks ago, word got out that one of the other detainees was spilling secrets. Jind Allah managed to have a three-minute conversation with him in the shower line. That night, the other detainee committed suicide.

Garcia: Dream on, JJ. No one wants the other kids peeing in their sandbox.

Gideon: Ralph Waldo Emerson said "In order to learn the important lessons in life, one must, each day, surmount a fear."

Sex, Birth, Death [2.11]

Reid: T.S. Eliot wrote "Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the shadow."

Gideon: This last victim definitely had a message. You don't dump a body across from the Capitol Building by accident.

Reid: I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.

Reid: There's nothing in the juvenile records.

Garcia: Okay, so think like a high school student.

Reid: I was 12 and hadn't gone though puberty yet when I was in high school.

Garcia: Okay, reset. I'll think like a high school student, you think like a profiler.

Reid: You're not him. Who we are is constantly evolving. I'm a lot older than you and I'm changing. This job changes me... you changed me.

Reid: [Regarding saving Nathan's life] How many people's lives did I risk in the future?

Gideon: Profiles can be wrong.

Reid: What if it's not? What if next time he kills somebody?

Gideon: Then you catch him.

Reid: T.S. Eliot wrote "Between the desire and the spasm, between the potency and the existence, between the essence and the descent, falls the shadow. This is the way the world ends."

Profiler Profiled [2.12]

Morgan: All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets — writer Cory Doctorow.

JJ: Nothing's happening.

Reid: Shhh watch [the rocket launches, JJ and Garcia scream, and it hits Emily in the head]

Emily: Ooh ow, what was that?

Reid: Oh, I am so sorry Emily!

Garcia: Don't you recognize a rocket when you see one?

Reid: I was merely demonstrating a physics law. I didn't mean to..

Emily: Oh show me!

Reid: Turn around.

Emily: Turn around?

JJ: Yeah, he's not gonna show you how it's done.

Reid: A magician never reveals his secrets.

Emily: I thought you said this was physics?

Reid: Physics...magic !

Garcia:Trust me, it will do you no good to argue with him.

Hotchner: Physics magic?

Reid: Yes, sir.

Hotchner: Reid, we talked about this.

Reid: I'm sorry, sir.

Hotchner: [smiling] You're really starting to get some distance on these things.

Emily:So he does have a sense of humor?

Hotchner: We can't have people on this team who have secrets.

Gideon: oh come on, Hotch, we all have secrets. Would you want us profiling you?

Reid: "One begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." It's one of Sherlock Holmes' favorite quotes.

Det. Gordinski: Did you get any sleep?

Morgan: You know I didn't.

Det. Gordinski: I slept like a baby myself. Didn't want to get out of bed.

Morgan: Really? So that wasn't your donut-eatin' ass on the other side of the glass all night then?

JJ: [to Garcia, regarding Morgan's sealed criminal record] Unseal it.

Garcia: [in a somewhat desperate voice] But its a SEALED file.

JJ: Garcia, helping him.

Garcia: Right. HELPING him. HELPING him...

Morgan:[to Det. Gordinski] The FBI invented these tricks you simple bastard!!

Carl Buford: [to Morgan] I never hurt you. You could have said no.

Morgan: I KNEW I should've told somebody about you when I was a kid! God, I was so afraid of you. I was afraid of the cops, what people would say. I was afraid of losing everything I was gaining.

Morgan: One kid steps up and breaks the dam, just one, and then another one, and another one, because they're not afraid of you anymore.

Morgan: I'm the KIND that has to spend the rest of this life making sure guys like YOU go down!

Morgan: The only body I'd seen before that was my father, and I was 10.

Morgan: I felt responsible for him, I mean I was the one who found him, right?

Morgan: And you feel like you have to do everything you can for him because hes the closest thing you have to a father.

Morgan: [looking outside the oneway mirror] I can wait as long as you guys can!

No Way Out [2.13]

Gideon: Aristotle said, "Evil brings men together."

Hotchner: [introducing the team to the sheriff] Aaron Hotchner. This is Derek Morgan and the guy who sometimes forgets his manners is Jason Gideon.

Garcia: What are you doing?

JJ: I'm mapping out where all the victims were found, starting with Gideon's first case file.

[JJ jabs a pushpin to the map]

Garcia: Ow! Stabby!

Frank: [to Derek] If I had your looks, do you know how much easier my life would be?

Frank: Jason... from Greek mythology... to heal. Gideon... a hero from the Old Testament who led the Israelites against the Midianites. Your parents had great ambitions for you. I'm Frank… Germanic… third century. Derived from the name of a type of spear. I wonder what aspirations my parents had for me.

Mark Davis: But that man... he also killed the school bus driver.

Sheriff Georgia Davis: How? We had the whole town shut down. There was no way out.

Frank: [to Gideon and Morgan] But you know what's an even more interesting question? What the psychopath's got in the bag, Jason.

Frank: [to Morgan] Beauty can cover a multitude of sins, but underneath we all look exactly the same.

Frank: Do you think me insane?

Gideon: Do not play me. You know exactly what you are. A psychopathic sexual sadist. You get off on the brutal torture of others.

Morgan: And you knew the moment we arrived in this town, you had no way out.

Prentiss: All of these killings… the work of just one man?

Gideon: Most prolific serial killer ever.

Frank: My hope is that one day you'll feel the way I do too.

Gideon: If I ever find myself feeling the way you do, I'll kill myself.

Frank: Call me first. I'd love to pick your brains.

Prentiss: These wind chimes are made of bone. I think it's human rib bones.

Sheriff Georgia Davis: [discussing Jane's story of captivity] What about the fact that she could see herself?

Gideon: A mirrored ceiling.

Sheriff Georgia Davis: So his victims could see themselves being dismembered. … Every time I think it can't get any worse, it does.

Gideon: [to Frank] I thought I'd seen the very worst of what humanity had to offer, 'til you.

Reid: A psycho with a whistle. That's not too weird.

Garcia: [looking at photos of convicts with prison tattoos] Oh, this is SO not a way to a girl's heart!

Gideon: Did you kill the children, too?

Frank: You've been profiling me for a long time, Jason. You know that I don't kill kids. It does nothing for me.

The Big Game [2.14]

Gideon: Condemned murderer Perry Smith said of his victims, the Clutter family "I didn't have anything against them and they never did anything wrong to me, the way other people have all my life. Maybe they're just the ones who have to pay for it."

Prentiss: [watching Morgan dance between two women] Hey, Morgan, be careful. The one in the back could steal your wallet!

Morgan: That's all right; I'll be a broke, happy man!

Reid: Referring to oneself in the third person is common for an unsub. Ted Bundy gave detailed accounts of the murders, but he never admitted doing them, he'd just say, "the killer."

Tobias: This is a warning, not a show. What's wrong with you people?

Morgan: The unsubs are right about one thing. The world is pretty screwed up.

Reid: You seem unhappy.

Gideon: I am unhappy. I'm tired of people using religion... to justify the terrible things they do.

Reid: You can't scream with your throat cut.

Reid: May we come in?

Tobias: I´m sorry. I don´t let anyone in the house.

Reid: Actually, I really have to, you know, go.

JJ: You do?

Reid: Yeah, for thirty minutes.

JJ: Why didn´t you say something in the car?

Revelations [2.15]

Hotchner: There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20

Reid: If you tell me where we are, I can tell my friends, and they'll save us.

Tobias: We can't be saved.

JJ: [about Reid being kidnapped] I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is, well, Reid.

Hotchner: Think of this house as a witness. If it could talk, what would it tell us?

Garcia: My guess is, it would tell us to get the hell out.

Tobias: They're gone.

Reid: Who are they?

Tobias: It's just me now.

Reid: Who, who are you?

Tobias: I'm Raphael.

Reid: You don't have to do this.

Tobias:[as Raphael] I'm just an instrument of God.

Morgan: [Regarding Hankle brutally torturing Reid] I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick.

Reid: The Lord spake unto Moses saying 'speak unto all of the congregation of The Children of the Lord and say unto them, you shall be holy for I the Lord your God am holy.'

Tobias: You know Leviticus?

Reid: Every word of the Bible. I can recite it.

Tobias: The Devil knows how to read too.

Reid: I'm not a Devil. I'm not a Devil, I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid. I have a mother and I have a father just like you and they taught me the Bible. Let me, let me just recite the Bible.

Tobias: It's time to confess, Spencer Reid [whips Reid's foot repeatedly]

Hotchner: [desperately] We're not getting any closer.

Gideon: Reid's brilliant. He'll figure out a way to survive.

Hotchner: You know I always take advantage of Reid for his brain, but I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally.

Gideon: You lead by example.

Hotchner: What kind of example is that?

Gideon: [softly] He'll make it.

Tobias: [after Reid shot him, regarding his second personality] You killed him.

Reid: [sorrowfully] Tobias.

Tobias: I get to see my mom again.

Reid: I'm sorry.

Hotch: [gently] Reid, you alright?

Reid: [while hugging Hotch] I knew you'd understand. [Reid turns and hugs JJ]

JJ: I am so sorry.

Reid: It's alright, it wasn't your fault.

Fear and Loathing [2.16]

Gideon: "From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate." Socrates

Morgan: [to Reid] You all right?

[Reid doesn’t move.]

Morgan: Reid.

Reid: Hmm?

Morgan: I said, are you all right?

Reid: I'm fine. [glances behind him] Thanks for broadcasting it.

Reid: Its the crime scene photos.

Morgan: Crime scene photos?

Reid: The dead girls in the leaves.

Morgan: Reid, we've seen worse.

Reid: I know, I know we've seen worse but for the first time I know, I look at them and, I look at them and I know what they were thinking what they were feeling like right before...

Reid: “The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Cicero

Distress [2.17]

Gideon: "Our life is made by the death of others." Leonardo da Vinci

Garcia: Are you lonely in the Lone Star state? And are you wearing chaps?

Morgan: Only in your dreams, Garcia

Garcia: Oh, not necessarily. I have Photoshop.

Morgan: Garcia, I had better never find any Photoshopped pictures of me on your computer.

Garcia: Oh trust me my vision, you will never FIND them.

JJ: How do we find a man who's trapped inside his head?

Hotchner: "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace." Thomas Paine

Hotchner: He's reliving the worst moment of his life, he's got to be terrified.

Reid: Yeah.

Hotchner: [construction work in the background] What's that?

JJ: [with mouth full] One of the detectives' wives made us cookies.

Emily: Wow, homemade cookies!?

JJ: Yeah I guess that's what they mean by 'southern hospitality'.

Reid: What are you saying?

Emily: 'Southern Hospitality'.

Reid: [runs over to window and shuts it] How can anyone hear with all this work going on?

Jones [2.18]

Gideon: Robert Kennedy once said "Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live."

Garcia: What was the thing that Jack the Ripper took from one of his victims, besides, well, you know, her life?

Emily: Oh, uh...

Garcia: Mmm. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Emily: I don't know.

Garcia: A kidney. How horrifyingly fantastic is that?

Emily: Mmhmm, and are you going anywhere with this?

Garcia: Just that I found an unsolved murder that happened four months ago in Galveston, Texas, with the same MO - the victim missing that very organ. I amaze myself.

Emily: Yeah, me too. Great work.

Ethan: My music makes me happy. It doesn't take a profiler to see that you're not.

Reid: It's not easy. And it's not - I ... don't think you'd believe some of the things that I've seen.

Ethan: John Coltrane. He was a genius too. Died of cancer. But most people think it was the booze and the heroin that did him in.

Reid: What are you trying to say?

Ethan: You look like hell.

Reid: I'm fine...

Ethan: Come on man, I'm a jazz musician in New Orleans, I know what it looks like when someone's not well. It's maybe the one time I can tell you something you don't already know. [points at Reid's drink] It may make you forget, but it won't make it go away. And if I can tell... You're surrounded by some of the best minds in the world. If you think they don't notice, well... For a genius, that's just dumb.

JJ: You're the best ever.

Garcia: Awww... And you're the most perceptive!

Reid: I missed that plane on purpose.

Gideon: I know.

Reid: I'm struggling.

Gideon: Well... anybody who's been through what you've been through recently... would.

Reid: This is all I was groomed for. I never even ... I never even considered another option.

Gideon: Now you're questioning whether or not you're strong enough to be here?

Reid: Yeah.

Gideon: I have been playing at this job in one way or another for almost 30 years. I've felt lost. I've felt great. I have felt scared, sick, and insane. I don't know, I guess the day this job stops gnawing at your soul... and your hands, your hands stop feeling cold, maybe that's the time to leave.

Reid: I guess I just needed to figure out if I could step away from this job.

Gideon: And?

Reid: I'll never miss another plane again.

Ashes to Dust [2.19]

Hotchner: "The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living soul," John Calvin.

Garcia: Brace yourselves. I'm going to teach you the meaning of L.U.S.T.

Gideon: Did she say lust?

Garcia: I cross-referenced every known fact on the victims and I just found a website that links both Dennis Cutler and Mathew Jarvis' companies on a list of businesses guilty of L.U.S.T.

Hotchner: I'm missing something.

Garcia: Leaking Underground Storage Tanks.

Gideon: When he arrives, bring the fake bodies right past us nice and slow. I want him to get a good look.

Lt. Vega: Remind me never to play poker with you guys.

(JJ introduces Reid to Det. Castro as he clumsily drops everything he’s carrying.)

Det. Castro: A genius you said?

JJ: Yeah, uh, his coordination drops off when he’s thinking.

Prentiss: All those people, no booze or music. That's either a very lame going away party, or an EDF meeting.

Hotchner: Gandhi said "Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever."

Honor Among Thieves [2.20]

Prentiss: An old Russian proverb reminds us, "There can be no good without evil."

Reid: These tattoos are like books on their skin. It tells their whole life story.

Natalya: I am just like my mother. When she is upset, she cooks.

Arseny Lysowsky: [to Gideon and Reid] Would you like something to eat? This borscht is exquisite, it is my mother’s old country recipe.

Reid: Didn’t you forsake all your relatives when you swore the Thieves' Code?

Arseny Lysowsky: I didn’t forsake her recipes.

Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: How are you enjoying your assignment to the BAU?

Prentiss: Well, enjoying is an odd description.

Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: Is it?

Prentiss: We deal with some pretty horrible things.

Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: I thought that was where you wanted to be.

Prentiss: It is.

Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: Then you do enjoy it.

Anton Gorban: I mind my own business.

Gideon: You've been watching us since we got here.

Garcia: [answering phone] Your friendly neighborhood Oracle of all things knowable and unknowable at your service.

Garcia: [regarding Lysowsky] He served 23 years in four remote prisons at Perm, that is a remote region of the Northern Ural Mountains, for those of you playing the home game.

Morgan: How could I have not seen this?

Reid: How could any of us, man?

Reid: They didn't wait?

Gideon: They cut off his ear. They increased the ransom and left a note.

Reid: How much money do they think they have?

SSA Josh Kramer: [to Gideon regarding the lack of statement from the victims] Cause we're dealing with criminals.

Reid: Obviously.

SSA Josh Kramer: Not just the kidnappers, genius.

Prentiss: "Happy families are all alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in it's own way," Leo Tolstoy.

Open Season [2.21]

Prentiss: [in a bar, acting very excited] Ladies, this is Brad – a real FBI agent!

JJ: Really? No way!

Garcia: That's exciting! What's it like at Quan-ti-co?

JJ: Must be tough keeping all those secrets.

Brad: It’s a skill, like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. The FBI’s good at keeping secrets and kicking criminal ass.

Prentiss: Can we see it?

Brad: See what?

Prentiss: Your badge.

Garcia: Please?

Brad: I'm sorry, that's classified.

Prentiss: [she holds up her badge] Tell me Brad, does it look anything like this?

JJ: [hold up hers] Or this?

Garcia: [holds up hers] Or maybe, this?

[Brad hurries away]

Gideon: "One man's wilderness is another man's theme park." Author unknown.

Prentiss: The British historian James Anthony Froude once said, "Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself."

Legacy [2.22]

Morgan: [to Mona, a homeless woman] Be careful, you hear me? This world needs all of its beautiful ladies, and that means you, too, momma.

[Mona smiles and walks away]

Emily: You’re a good guy.

Morgan: Ya think?

Emily: Yeah, you make the people around you feel good.

Hotchner: You have Chaplin on film?

Gideon: My great-granddad was an accountant at one of the first movie studios.

Hotchner: He was in California?

Gideon: No no no, Chicago. Essanay Studios closed, 1920. Back then four out of five movies made in the U.S. were made in Chicago. They closed down, they let my grandpa take, ehh, a couple of extra prints home.

Hotchner: [amused] They let him?

Gideon: [laughing] Well, that’s the family story... we’re sticking to it.

Reid: You see, the word "coincidence" implies more...

Morgan: Hey! Hey, kid. We do not need a vocabulary lesson right now.

Reid: Right. Sorry.

Morgan: what did you guys get?

Hotch: besides every prostitutes hitting on Reid? Nothing.

Hotchner: "Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity, nothing exceeds the criticisms made of the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed." Herman Melville.

Gideon: "Nothing is permanent in this wicked world— not even our troubles," Charles Chaplin.

No Way Out (Pt. 2): The Evilution of Frank [2.23]

Gideon: "I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellect." Oscar Wilde.

JJ: [to Reid] No matter what happens this time, we don't split up, clear?

Reid: Crystal clear!

Erin Strauss: I believe you're no longer effective in your post.

Hotchner: Modern furniture...strategically placed magazines, the framed diplomas, the art in the wall...they're all in conflict with your family photos. You have three children but you favor the middle one, your son.

Erin Strauss: What do you think you're doing?

Hotchner: Of course, you love all your children but not like your son

Erin Strauss:That's enough!

Hotchner: The bonsai you obsessively nurture is to compensate for feelings of failure...

Erin Strauss:Agent Hotchner I said that's enough!! My position is not in question here. As your superior, I am questioning your ability to lead your team...

Hotchner: My team? Let me tell you about my team: Agent Morgan fought to protect his identity from the very people who could save him. Why? Because trust has to be earned, and there are very few people he truly trusts. Reid's intellect is a shield which protects him from his emotions, and at the moment his shield is under repair. Prentiss over-compensates because she doesn't yet feel she's a part of the team; she needn't worry. Everyday Agent Jareau fields dozens of requests for our team, and every night she goes home hoping she has made the right choices. Garcia fills her office with figurines and color, to remind herself to smile as the horror fills her screens... And Agent Gideon in many ways is damned by his profound knowledge of others, which is why he shares so little of himself, yet he pours his heart into every case we handle. I stand by my actions, and I stand by my team, and if you think that you can find a better person for the job, then good luck.

Hotch: Frank.

Frank: Agent Hotchner. We haven't had the pleasure of a formal meeting.

Doubt [3.1]

Gideon: Spree killings in a confined area are a race. He's racing to kill as many as he can; we're racing to stop him.

Gideon: How long can you hold that lawyer off?

Hotch: Are you kidding? I was a prosecutor; I can hold him off for days.

Prentiss: (about Nathan Tubbs) I'll sleep when he confesses.

JJ: We all will.

Morgan: I know how bad cops wanna believe they got the right guy. I've been on both sides of that.

Section Chief Strauss: You’re suspended for two weeks without pay pending an investigation of your conduct. And, Agent Hotchner, if it was solely up to me? You would never get these credentials back.

Hotch: Always a pleasure.

In Birth and Death [3.2]

Morgan: What if we don’t want a new Unit Chief?

Hotchner: Well maybe the next one won’t be such a drill sergeant.

Morgan: Look, man, are you a pain in my ass? Yes, sir! But wantin' to hang out with you, and needin' you to lead this team are two very different things.

Section Chief Erin Strauss: None of you will ever move up the chain of command, you know that.

Hotchner: Why would I ever want to leave the BAU?

Morgan: Garcia, baby girl, please tell me something I want to hear.

Garcia: You are a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder.

Morgan: How about something I don't already know?

Garcia: (after an intentional pause) I have a sweet tooth.

Garcia: [answering phone] Talk dirty to me.

Section Chief Erin Strauss: This is Section Chief Erin Strauss.

Garcia: [horrified and red-faced] Ma'am, I think it goes without saying that I was expecting it to be someone else.

Garcia: [answering phone later] FBI Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia speaking.

Haley Hotchner: Aaron, stop! Don’t make me the monster here. I feel sick about these women, but when this case is over there will be another one, and another one, and another one. It is never going to stop.

Hotchner: This is who I am.

Haley Hotchner: No. This is what you do.

Hotchner: I’m trying to do the right thing – here and there – and I would really appreciate a little support.

Haley Hotchner: Oh, that’s right, because you always need to be the hero.

Hotchner: Don’t give me that.

Haley Hotchner: No, obviously a happy life isn’t enough for you.

Hotchner: George Washington said, "Let your heart feel for the affliction and distress of everyone."

Gideon: I guess I’m just looking for it again – for the belief I had back in college, the belief I had when I first met Sarah and it all seemed so right. The belief in happy endings.

Scared to Death [3.3]

Hotchner: The Taoist philosopher Lao-tze once wrote, "he who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."

Reid: It hit me when Morgan freaked out when we were stuck in the elevator.

Prentiss: You got stuck in an elevator?

Morgan: I freaked?

Reid: That’s not important.

Dr. Stan Howard: (to Hotchner) I think your greatest fear is that you can't save everyone. It is worse than I thought.

Hotchner: Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face; You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

Children of the Dark [3.4]

Prentiss: "In the city, crime is taken as emblematic of class and race. In the suburbs, though, it's intimate and psychological - resistant to generalization, a mystery of the individual soul." - Barbara Ehrenreich

Prentiss: These guys are killing the Cleavers.

Reid: Strange.

Hotch: The pattern?

Reid: No, the Cleavers. Of all the names for a 1950s idyllic TV family. I mean it’s rife with violent implication. Kind of makes you wonder how the writers really felt about suburbia, huh?

Hotch: Focus, please!

Seven Seconds [3.5]

Hotchner: Dostoyevsky once said, “Nothing is easier than denouncing the evildoer. Nothing more difficult than understanding him.”

Morgan: [examining camera surveillance footage' Well, can't you get a better angle?

Garcia: Sugar, I'm not London here; I can only work with what they have. And, believe me when I tell you, the 1980s just called. They want their security system back.

Officer: Thing is, there's still a man out there who hasn't been caught.

Hotch: I know. And there always will be. But today we made a difference.

Hotchner: G.K. Chesterton wrote: "Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed."

About Face [3.6]

Hotchner: "Now what else is the whole life of mortals but a sort of comedy, in which the various actors, disguised by various costumes and masks, walk on and play each one his part, until the manager waves them off the stage?" Erasmus.

Rossi: I'm just saying... sharing is a learned skill.

Garcia: [answering phone] Speak and be recognized by your empress, mortal.

Rossi: Is this the technical analyst girl?

Identity [3.7]

Rossi: "An earthly kingdom cannot exist without inequality of persons. Some must be free, some serfs, some rulers, some subjects." Martin Luther.

Emily: (teasing Reid about coloring in a map) You know I could have gotten you a coloring book at the airport.

Reid: I'm creating a topographical map weighing down and geocoding all key locations looking for algorithms.

Emily: (nods, confused) Yeah, thats exactly what I thought you were doing.

Garcia: [reviewing Goehring's records] He also appears in a federal database for - get this - aggressive militia groups.

JJ: Aggressive militia groups. Is there any other type?

Garcia: Uh hmm. That's your federal government at work. We specialize in redundancy.

Trailer Park Manager: What the hell do you want? Can't you read?

Reid: I'm not a salesman. I'm with the FBI.

Trailer Park Manager: FBI? You're not serious! You look like a pipe cleaner with eyes. I could snap you like a twig.

Rossi: But then... [steps into frame and flashes credentials] ...he isn't alone.

Reid: A popular theory among leading astrophysicists estimate that the hyper-matter reactor would need about 10 to the 32nd joules of energy to destroy a planet the size of Earth. Now, Lucas said it took 19 years to build the first Death Star, right, but if you look at the new essential chronology there’s a test bed prototype for a super laser that’s been… Where you going?

Morgan: Taking back the last five minutes of my life.

Lucky [3.8]

Morgan: “Fantasy abandoned by reason produces impossible monsters.” - Francisco Goya

Morgan: 16th century English novelist Thomas Deloney wrote, "God sends meat and the Devil sends cooks."

Morgan: My mother took us to church every Sunday until I moved out. This whole devil thing doesn't spook me at all.

Reid: Maybe that's because you never truly bought the God part either.

Morgan: No offense kid but you don't know what I believe.

Reid: Well, I mean, logic dictates that if you believe in the one you have to reconcile the existence of the other.

Hotchner: People's reactions to Satan is what gives it appeal to these offenders. It has power and it would be a mistake to underestimate it.

Emily: Hey, whats going on with you and Morgan?

Garcia: I told him about this guy I met at the coffee shop...

Emily: Oh.

Emily: When a woman tells a man about her feelings, she doesn't want him to fix her, she wants him to shut up and listen.

Penelope [3.9]

Garcia: William Shakespeare wrote, "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."

Emily: Where's Morgan?

JJ: He's not answering his cell.

Reid: I'll call him again.

JJ: [Morgan walks in] She's been in surgery a couple hours.

Morgan: I was in church; my phone was off.

Reid: There's nothing you could have been doing here.

Hotch: [considering if the killer shot Garcia just to steal her purse.] Why does he risk coming into an enclosed courtyard?

Rossi: World's boldest purse-snatching?

Morgan: [Referring to Garcia] I asked her to go out last night but she was pissed at me; she blew me off.

Reid: So you ended up at church?

Morgan: Yeah, what does it mean? On one hand if she had gone out with me she would have never got shot. On the other hand, what are the odds the first time I pray in 20 years she's on the table?

Garcia: [To Reid and Morgan] When I was in the ambulance I could hear the song "Heroes" playing in my head. I kept flashing in and out of consciousness and I remember thinking, "Wait. Is David Bowie really God?"

Garcia: Have fun getting out the wormhole.

Garcia: Go. Be free, my love.

Morgan: Hey, I'm not going anywhere.

Garcia: Oh, I'm fine. I got my goon squad parked out front.

Morgan: Goon squad or not goon squad, that couch right there is going to be my best friend until we catch this guy. Now leave it alone.

Garcia: Okay... But if you're thinking of trying to take advantage of me, let me call my doctor so you can revive me afterwards. [They both laugh]

Morgan: Hey, Silly Girl.

Garcia: Hmm?

Morgan: I love you, you know that, right?

Garcia: I love you, too.

Emily: [To Gracia] Oh, don't worry about your renstatement papers: he'll sign them as soon as his hands stop shaking.

True Night [3.10]

Garcia: Honey, I know you love me, but the prospect of you whirling around here trying to fix this is actually more frightening than getting shot.

Reid: "Superman is, after all, an alien life form. He is simply the acceptable face of invading realities." Author Clive Barker.

Reid: You should have listened to me.

Morgan: It wouldn't have saved that much time, Reid. Let it go.

Reid: The interchange between to 405 and 101 freeways is consistently rated the worst interchange in the entire world.

Morgan: Why do you know that?

Reid: It's in the government report.

Morgan: So what?

Reid: So, you work for the government. You don't read the reports?

Morgan: On traffic patterns in a city twenty-five hundred miles away from where I live?

Reid: Twenty-two hundred and ninety-five miles.

Morgan: Don't make me smack you in front of all these people.

Reid: Sometimes for an artist, the only difference between insanity and genius is success.

Morgan: [on the phone with Garcia] Just leave it alone until I get there. Hey, hey, hardhead. Don't make me spank you when I get back.

Reid: Don't listen to him Garcia, he's all talk. [Morgan smacks Reid's head] Ow! JJ, he just hit me!

JJ: [not looking up] Boys, behave or I will ground you both.

Garcia: Do you know who Frank Miller is?

Morgan: Frank Miller... Sounds familiar. Un-sub?

Garcia: [laughs] No, graphic novelist. 300? Sin City?

Morgan: Oh, right, right, right. Cool movies.

Garcia: He said something once and it makes me think of you. "The noir hero is a knight in blood caked armor. He's dirty and he does his best to deny the fact that he's a hero the whole time."

Birthright [3.11]

Hotch: The American poet Anne Sexton once wrote "It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was."

Hotch: You ok?

JJ: You stop caring, you're jaded. If you care too much, it'll ruin you.

Hotch: Just know that you did everything you could. Sometimes we get it right with a little luck and most of the times we don't. That's the job. It's never perfect. It's still better to care.

JJ: You really believe that?

Hotch: I believe it's never perfect.

JJ: Wordsworth wrote, "A simple child. That lightly draws its breath. And feels its life in every limb. What should it know of death?"

3rd Life [3.12]

Hotch: "No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies." Daisy Bates

[Reid is looking through Mr Vaughan's computer]

Mr Vaughan: Um... Can I help you?

Reid: Um... hey... um... I was just, uh, checking to see if Lindsey had contacted anyone- P-predators tend to do that.

Mr Vaughan: Is that right?

Reid: Yeah, um, statistically, uh, forty three percent of predators-

Mr Vaughan: Lindsey doesn't like computers.

Reid: Oh. (pause) Cool.

[walks out quickly]

Hotch: "It is a wise father that knows his own child." William Shakespeare.

Limelight [3.13]

Rossi: "I know indeed what evil I intend to do, but stronger than all my afterthoughts is my fury, fury that brings upon mortals the greatest evils." Euripides.

Rossi: "For we pay a price for everything we get or take in this world; and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not to be cheaply won." - Lucy Maud Montgomery

Damaged [3.14]

Rossi: "...within the core of each of us is the child we once were. This child constitutes the foundation of what we have become, who we are, and what we will be." Neuroscientist Dr. R. Joseph.

Garcia: There is really no acceptable excuse for violence, but for you I am making an exception. [opens the front door] Oh my God, Agent Rossi!

JJ: (looking at her files) (sarcastically) I'm not busy at all.

Garcia: So you don't want to hear about Agent Rossi showing up at my apartment after I had a post-coital shower with fellow FBI technical analyst Kevin Lynch?

JJ: (head snaps up) Sit.

Kevin: Agent Rossi we need to talk....about Penelope......man-to-man.

Rossi: Man-to-man?

Morgan: What about Penelope?

JJ: [in a sing-song voice] Garcia and Kevin sitting in a tree... [walks away]

Morgan: Get out of here... you serious? [walks away]

Prentiss: Just when I thought that nothing scandalous was ever going to happen around here.

Reid: What? What does that mean?

Prentiss: Didn't you hear JJ?

Reid: The song meant something? No. No, I missed it.

Prentiss: It... it... it... You know what? Never mind.

Hotchner: "There is no formula for success, except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings." Arthur Rubinstein.

A Higher Power [3.15]

Rossi: "There is no refuge from confession but suicide; and suicide is confession." - Daniel Webster

Prentiss: Is there any possibility that, while we've been talking, you've been multitasking?

Garcia: What? Find Redding's address?

Prentiss: I love you, Penelope Garcia.

Garcia: Get in line!

Prentiss: "The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering." - Ben Okri

Elephant's Memory [3.16]

Reid:"A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ." John Steinbeck

John: Here... Take this. It's my one-year medallion, took me six years to get it. For the past thirteen years I've never left home without it. Because I know if I forget that, I'll loose my gun, my credentials, my home... everything. Hold on to it.

Reid: I only have ten months.

John: I know.

Reid: It's your most prized possession.

John: It is.

Reid: You're just giving it to me?

John: No... In a couple a months, when you get your year, you can give it back to me.

Reid: I really don't understand.

John: You will.

Reid: Sorry I'm late.

Rossi: I hope she was worth it.

Morgan: I hope it was a she.

Garcia: (drinking coffee) The kid's tech savvy, sir. But fret not. I am tech savvier. Is that a word? That sounds like a word. If it is a word, I'm it.

Prentiss: D.C. time, Garcia.

Garcia: 11:17 a.m.

Prentiss: D.C. Decaf.

Rod Norris: (speaking to a creaking tree) You wake me again tonight... there'll be a chainsaw for you.

Reid: "We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered." - Tom Stoppard

In Heat [3.17]

JJ: "There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses." - George Bernard Shaw

Prentiss: He could be suffering from Cluster B.

Det. Tina Lopez: Cluster B?

Reid: Uh... a cluster of personality disorders. It's also called the erratic, dramatic, emotional cluster, an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that differentiates itself markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture. It manifests itself-

Morgan: [cutting in] This guy's a sick dude.

Garcia: [via phone to team] Prints belong to Deacon Rogers, Odessa, Texas. He's had a couple of minor arrests - one for marijuana possession, one for lewd behavior, which I'm guessing is code for "gay" in Texas.

JJ: "If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." - John Churton Collins

The Crossing [3.18]

JJ: Susan B. Anthony said, "A woman must not depend on the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself."

Prentiss: Author Christian Nestell Bovee once wrote, "No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities."

Tabula Rasa [3.19]

Hotch: "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France

[about a photo]

Reid: It's remarkable. Something like this makes you question everything you thought you knew.

Garcia: Yeah. Like the monolith in 2001.

Reid: So there was actually a time when something like this was socially acceptable?

Garcia: Oh, you're young. The eighties left a lot of people confused. This is especially sad, though.

[the photo is revealed to be of Prentiss in high school, dressed in punk clothing]

Det. Jarvis: You're a little young, aren't you? No offense.

Reid: None taken. In fact neuroprocessing speeds reach their maximum at around age 15, so when it comes to being affected by crime scenes and other graphic visual input we are all really the same age.

Garcia: If you look to your cursor, you'll notice that it's moving on its own. That's me hacking your secure network. Now I've got her file, now I've got her social, and because you're grumpy, I'm going to send your boss those Jamaican vacation photos. Oh, look at you. No tan lines.

Mr. Corbett: ... Poetry was something they shared. It's Wordsworth. "What though the radiance that was once so bright be now forever taken from thy sight, though nothing can bring back..."

Reid: "Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; we will grieve not, but rather find strength in what remains behind."

Lo-Fi [3.20]

Hotch: Voltaire said, "The man visited by ecstasies and visions, who takes dreams for realities, is an enthusiast. The man who supports his madness with murder is a fanatic."

Prentiss: [speaking about Hotch and Joyner] They, um, liased when she was at Scotland Yard.

JJ: [Nodding] Of course.

Rossi: We think we might have a serious problem.

Hotchner: What is it?

Rossi: We have multiple unsubs. They're disciplined, they're using counter-surveillance. They know the FBI movements, there's a hierarchy. What does that usually equal?

Hotchner: Terrorism.

Mayhem [4.1]

Hotch: Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. - Ernest Hemingway

Hotch: My opinion doesn't matter. The job's yours if you want it.

Morgan: Hotch! Your opinion matters to me.

Hotch: My life matters to me, and I have and always will entrust you with it. Would you do the same for me?

Morgan: There's something I really want you to know, Garcia.

Garcia: Save it! Just get out!

Morgan: No, no, no, I'm not quite there yet.

Garcia: Morgan...

Morgan: Just listen to me.

Garcia: Morgan, please.

Morgan: You know what you are, Garcia?

[The scene changes and then comes back to Garcia]

Garcia: Morgan!

[The ambulance where Morgan was driving that had a bomb in it explodes]

Garcia: Derek? [looks like she's close to crying]

[The scene changes again and then comes back to Morgan]

Morgan: Garcia? [Garcia sighs of relief] I'll tell you what you are to me. You're my God-given solace. Woman, you promise me one thing: whatever happens, don't you ever stop talking to me...

Garcia: I can't right now 'cause I'm mad at you.

Morgan: I can wait.

The Angel Maker [4.2]

Hotch: "We all die. The goal isn't to live forever. The goal is to create something that will." Chuck Palahniuk

(poking Reid gently in the cheek after he has mentioned how it was quicker to solve the Bacon Cipher longhand instead of using a computer)

Emily: He's so lifelike...

Reid: What if he has a twin?

Morgan: Oh Reid, please tell me you're not talking that good twin evil twin stuff?

Reid: No, no... I'm talking evil twin, eviler twin... just think...

(everyone gives Reid a funny look)

[about a possible cipher hidden in one of the Angel Maker's letters]

Rossi: What do you need to crack it?

Reid: The ability to clone myself and a year's supply of Adderall.

Rossi: I'll put on the coffee.

Hotch: Wendell Berry said, "The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it. But we will escape it only by adding something better to it."

Minimal Loss [4.3]

Reid: "To follow by faith alone is to follow blindly." Benjamin Franklin.

Prentiss: "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." Ayn Rand.

Paradise [4.4]

Hotch: Thomas Fuller wrote, "A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell."

Hotch: Roman poet Phaedrus wrote, "Things are not always what they seem; The first appearance deceives many. The intelligence of a few, perceives what has been carefully hidden."

Prentiss: Well, "roadside hotels" definitely go on my list. (No response from Reid or Rossi) Of things to never do again.

Reid: You have a list?

Rossi: You don't?

Catching Out[4.5]

Prentiss: "Plenty sit still. Hunger is a wanderer." Zulu proverb.

Prentiss: "Beyond the East the sunrise, beyond the West the sea, And the East and West the wander-thirst that will not let me be." Gerald Gould

(Reid looks back after watching JJ through a window.)

Prentiss: "So, are you thinking about it?"

Reid: "About what?"

Prentiss: "Having baby geniuses someday."

(Reid gets a thoughtfull look on his face.)

(on feeling JJ's baby kick)

Reid: Does that freak you out?

JJ: No. Why, does it freak you out?

Reid: Very much so.

Rossi: What if he's already inside a house?

Hotch: Then we'll find more bodies in the morning.

Prentiss: So is there anything you want to tell us?

Morgan: Nope.

Prentiss: Your forehead's sweating.

Morgan: No, it's not.

Prentiss: Oh and he's avoiding eye contact!

Reid: His blink rate just sped up.

Morgan: Y'know what you guys, I don't feel like that burger after all.

Prentiss: You can't run from us!

Morgan: Oh, watch me!

(Morgan waves goodbye as the elevator closes, leaving Reid and Prentiss behind. Prentiss laughs)

The Instincts [4.6]

Hotch: "Who speaks to the instincts speaks to the deepest in mankind and finds the readiest response." Amos Bronson Alcott

Reid: "I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay." Bob Dylan

Memoriam [4.7]

Reid: "What was silent in the father speaks in the son, and often I found in the son the unveiled secret of the father." Friedrich Nietzsche.

Reid: "There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance." Gilbert Parker.

Masterpiece [4.8]

Rossi: "Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles..." Mark Twain.

Rossi: "Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love." Martin Luther King, Jr.

[at an FBI recruitment talk given by Rossi and Reid]

Student: [to Rossi] What did you study?

Rossi: Criminal justice, although "sports appreciation" was full up at my community college. [gestures to Reid]

Reid: I hold doctorates in chemistry, physics and engineering. I also have BAs in psychology and sociology.

[everyone gapes at him]

Another student: How old are you?

Reid: Twenty-seven, just last month.

[during a lecture at a school about joining the FBI]

Reid: [after telling about the studies he's undergone] I'm also completing an additional BA in Philosophy. Which reminds me that I have a joke.

[Rossi looks at him sceptically]

Reid: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Rossi: [whispers] Don't.

Reid:: Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in another world of cosmic nothingness.

[chuckles, the group remains silent]

Reid: [awkwardly] An existentialist...

Rossi: [interrupts] Okay, before he does his quantum physics knock-knock joke [the group laughs] do we have any other questions about opportunities in the FBI?

[after the lecture]

Rossi: You do know that we actually want them to join the Bureau?

Reid: What? Yeah.

Rossi: We want these kids to think it's a cool place to work.

Reid: I understand that...

Rossi: [referring to Reid's existentialist joke] Existentialism?

Reid: Existentialism is known as...

Female Student: Hey? Reid.

Reid: [absent-mindedly] Hi. [continues speaking to Rossi]] That was a funny joke, what do you mean?

Rossi: Yeah, to Sigmund Freud.

Reid: I tell them they shouldn't send me here and they keep sending me here, I don't know why.

Rossi: Because you're young.

Reid: "Young" or "Jung"?

Prof Rothchild: [butts in] Dr Reid, wouldn't they sit in the dark and hope that the bulb decided to light again?

Reid: Excuse me?

Prof Rothchild: An existentialist would never change the bulb, he would allow the darkness to exist.

Reid: [realizes] Yeah, that's pretty good.

Prof Rothchild: (upon being told that Reid has more important things to do than interview him) You have something more important than me?

Rossi: My dry-cleaning is more important than you.

Prof Rothchild: (after being told his rights by Morgan) Next time, bring Dr Reid back with you.

[later]

Reid: How come I never have any normal fans?

52 Pickup [4.9]

Prentiss: Author Harlan Ellison wrote, "The minute people fall in love, they become liars."

[Reid has taken Morgan's advice and done a magic trick to charm the bartender, Austin, and show her the sketch of their UNSUB]

Austin: Okay, how'd you do that?

Reid: That's classified information.

Austin: So...what should I do if I see him [the UNSUB]?

Reid: You should definitely call us. Even if you just think you see him, you should call us.

Austin: [smiling flirtatiously] And if I don't see him?

Reid: Excuse me?

Austin: Can I still call you?

Reid: [squeakily] Yeah. Yeah, you can call me.

Austin: Cool. [Reid turns to leave] Oh wait...I don't have your number.

Reid: Oh, it's behind your barrette.

[Austin reaches into her hair and pulls out Reid's card. He smiles and leaves. She watches him go, smirking]

Morgan: See? That's what I'm talking about. That's called Game!

Rossi: P. J. O'Rourke wrote, "Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."

Brothers in Arms [4.10]

Morgan: "We are all brothers under the skin, and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it." Ayn Rand.

Morgan: "... for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." William Shakespeare.

Normal [4.11]

Hotchner: "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." H. L. Mencken.

Rossi: "There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were." President Dwight Eisenhower.

Soul Mates [4.12]

Reid: "No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore." Sigmund Freud

Morgan: British historian C. Northcote Parkinson said, "Delay is the deadliest form of denial."

Rossi (in response to question, "Where did you get this kid [Dr. Reid]?"): He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI.

Bloodline [4.13]

Prentiss: Winston Churchill said, "There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained."

Hotchner: Mario Puzo wrote, "The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other."

Cold Comfort [4.14]

JJ: "And so, all the night-tide, I lay down by the side. Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride. In the sepulchre there by the sea. In her tomb by the sounding sea." Edgar Allan Poe

Rossi: "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." Stuart Chase

Zoe's Reprise [4.15]

Rossi: "I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn." Albert Einstein

Rossi: Austrian novelist Maria Von Ebner-Eschenbach wrote, "In youth we learn; in age we understand."

Pleasure is my Business [4.16]

Hotchner: "The prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men, but rather their conqueror, an outlaw, who controls the sexual channels between nature and culture." Camille Paglia

Demonology [4.17]

Prentiss: "He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done." Leonardo da Vinci

Prentiss: Is Hotch still here?

Garcia: Oh, I'm pretty sure he lives here.

Rossi: "There is no heresy or no philosophy which is so abhorrent to the church as a human being." James Joyce

Omnivore [4.18]

Hotchner: "Fate is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity." Roman author Publilius Syrus

Hotchner: "Men heap together the mistakes of their lives, and create a monster they call destiny." John Hobbes

House on fire [4.19]

Hotchner: "We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out." Tennessee Williams

Hotchner: "I have loved to the point of madness; That which is called madness, That which to me, is the only sensible way to love." Françoise Sagan

Conflicted [4.20]

Reid: "Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." Terry Pratchett

dick

Reid: "Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King

A Shade of Gray [4.21]

Rossi: Dr. Burton Grebin once said, "To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself."

Rossi: "Without a family, man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold." Andre Maurois

The Big Wheel [4.22]

Hotchner: "In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." Francis Bacon

Morgan: "No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." George Chakiris

Roadkill [4.23]

Hotchner: "I'm not sure about automobiles. With all their speed forward, they may be a step backward in civilization." Booth Tarkington

JJ: "The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still, small voice of conscience." Mahatma Gandhi

Amplification [4.24]

Reid: "It will become fine dust over all the land of Egypt and it will become boils breaking out with sores on man and beast through all the land of Egypt." Exodus 9:9

Reid: to Morgan, waking up from the anthrax attack "Are you eating jello?"

Morgan: "Hey kid. Hey Doc, he's back!

Reid: Is there anymore jello?

Reid: "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it." Helen Keller

To Hell... And Back (Part 1) [4.25]

Hotchner: "If there were no hell, we would be like the animals. No hell, no dignity." Flannery O'Connor

To Hell... And Back (Part 2) [4.26]

Hotchner: "Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? Eighty-nine murders at the Pickton farm, the deaths of Mason and Lucas Turner make 91 lives snuffed out. Kelly Shane will go home and try to recover, to reconnect with her family but she'll never be a child again. William Hightower, who gave his leg for his country, gave the rest of himself to avenge his sister's murder. That makes 93 lives forever altered, not counting family and friends in a small town in Sarnia, Ontario, who thought monsters didn't exist until they learned that they spent their lives with one. And what about my team? How many more times will they be able to look into the abyss? How many more times before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this job takes? Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes, the day just... ends."

"Faceless, Nameless" [5.1]

Garcia: (to Reid) You know, for a smart guy you sure ask a lot of dumb questions.

Rossi: "A weak man has doubts before a decision. A strong man has them afterwards." Karl Kraus

"Haunted" [5.2]

Hotchner: "One need not be a chamber to be haunted, one need not to be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place." Emily Dickinson

(talking about Hotch)

Rossi: He was evaluated.

Morgan: Come on, we wrote those questions. Hotch knows exactly how to answer them.

(talking about Reid's leg)

Garcia: Does it hurt?

Reid: It really only hurts when I think about it, which is pretty much all the time.

Hotchner: "There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible as the conscience that dwells in the heart of every man." Polybius

"Reckoner" [5.3]

Rossi: "Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical." Blaise Pascal

Hotch: You told me you were cleared to fly. You lied.

Reid: I am a doctor, so technically it wasn't a lie.

Garcia: What was it then?

Reid: ...A second opinion?

Garcia: You're my bitch now.

[Morgan laughs]

Rossi: "I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice." Abraham Lincoln

"Hopeless" [5.4]

Morgan: Kingman Brewster, Jr. said, "There is no lasting hope in violence, only temporary relief from hopelessness."

Morgan: William Shakespeare wrote, "These violent delights have violent ends."

"Cradle to Grave" [5.5]

JJ: Journalist William D. Tammeus wrote, "You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around and why his parents will always wave back."

"The Eyes Have It" [5.6]

Morgan: "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee." Matthew 5:29

Morgan: "Dwell in peace in the home of your own being and the messenger of death will not be able to touch you." Guru Nanak

Cast

Joe Mantegna - Senior Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi (2007-present)
Mandy Patinkin - Senior Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon (2005-2007)
Thomas Gibson - Unit Chief, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner (2005-present)
Shemar Moore - Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan (2005-present)
Lola Glaudini - Supervisory Special Agent Elle Greenaway (2005-2006)
Matthew Gray Gubler - Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid (2005-present)
Kirsten Vangsness - Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia (2005-present)
A.J. Cook - Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer "JJ" Jareau (2005-present)
Paget Brewster - Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss (2007-present)

Quoternity