Crossing Jordan Quotations

Crossing Jordan is a U.S. television crime-drama series that airs on NBC. It stars Jill Hennessy as a crime-solving medical examiner. The show uses an ensemble-cast approach featuring a group of Jordan's co-workers, members of the Boston Medical Examiner's Office, and police detectives assigned to the various cases. It was created by Tim Kring.

Pilot [1.1]

Jordan:: Truth is, I don't care if I die, that's my whole problem, that's what the shrinks told me when I was fifteen.

Garret: [giving a speech to college students] You want my career advice? Because here it is: Don't follow your father's footsteps, don't follow in anybody's footsteps. Don't become a doctor just because your mother wants you to be a doctor or because your father never once said he loved you in your whole lousy life. I don't care. Take that and go do something noble. Go be an artist…be a poet. Do you understand the courage it takes to become a poet? Find something beautiful in life even if it's just for a moment. Something that tells you you're alive. And it's gonna be okay. Anyone have any questions about that?...Don't forget what I said.

Max:: Jordan, you can't go through life poking everyone but God in the eye!

Garret:: Five jobs in four years, that's impressive.

Jordan:: You know me, short attention span.

Jordan:: I had this guy's brain in my hand, so I couldn't very well punch him, right?

The Dawn of a New Day [1.2]

Max:: Thirty-eight years on the force I learned one thing, it's easy to kill someone, it's hard to live with it.

Jordan:: I wanna find out what my corpse's license plate was doing on your corpse's ass.

Garret:: That means you're a pain in the ass. And I say that with love. The good news is it's not too late to change. You don't have to be an obnoxious driven zealot your whole life.

Jordan: Again said with love right?

The Ties That Bind [1.3]

Earl:: They were sinning father, in GOD's house, but I didn't kill her I saved her. I held her heart in my hand, and she was redeemed. She's with GOD now.

Trey:: Wanna go grab some coffee, its not like shes going any where?

Jordan:: Is that suppose to be funny?

Trey:: Nah, I'm just saying.

Jordan:: Look this might be some kind of joke to you, but someone butchered her, she could be somebody's daughter, somebody's mother.

Jordan:: Still pissed about the DNA kits.

Garret:: No, no you got lucky. You're buried deep in the rubble of the earthquake of my day.

Jordan:: It's a little early for sphincter level 10 Garrett, even for you.

Born to Run [1.4]

Abby:: My history teacher caught me and this guy messing around in the supply closet... They're making a really big deal out of it...

Garrett:: What do you mean 'messing around'?

You Can't Go Home Again [1.5]

Garret:: Let me ask you a question. What did you want for your birthday when you were 17?

Lily:: Boobs.

Jordan:: I want the truth. That's all.

Detective Winslow:: Fine be prepared to live with it.

Believers [1.6]

Jordan:: She had all these drugs in her system?

Nigel:: Xanax and Prozac and Valium…oh my.

Sight Unseen [1.7]

Jordan:: Are you beepable, I just have to go somewhere first.

Howard:: I'll keep it on vibrate.

Max:: Jordan you remember what we said, if there's any danger, we call the police.

Jordan:: It's a van full of laundry, how dangerous can it be?!?

Howard:: [to Garret] Don't be so hard on yourself, you're human...live a little.

Howard:: Lack of social skills, an inability to express emotion, Dr. Cavanaugh professionally I'm concerned.

Jordan:: Really?

Howard:: Concerned and turned on. [Jordan throws a ball of paper at him!]

Howard:: Did you know there were 18,000 cases of clinical depression in Boston last year, how depressing is that!

Jordan:: Too bad I wasn't here, could have made it 18,001.

Jordan:: Garret have you gotten any recently?

Garret:: Pardon me?

Jordan:: You heard me. How long has it been?

Garret:: We are not having this conversation.

Garret:: Whether on not I have been getting any lately is none of your business and there are more important things to do around her than discuss my sex life.

Jordan:: Yeah, but they're not as much fun!

Trey:: Did you hear that?

Garret:: The guy's got the touch.

Bug:: It's gotta be the accent.

Trey:: That guy can shovel it with the best of them.

Digger, Part I [1.8]

Jordan: [to Nigel] I'd say the chances of that can be expressed mathematically as.... diddly over squat.

Jordan:: Geek free version please.

Adam:: You're gonna get us killed.

Jordan:: But we're having fun, and that's the important thing, right?

Digger, Part II [1.9]

Nigel:: Oh blushing bride of mine.

Bug:: Someone finally dropped a house on her.

Agent Hailey:: I will tell you one thing about you.

Jordan:: Oh, bring it on, G-Man.

Agent Hailey:: You're cranky when you haven't slept.

Blue Christmas [1.10]

Max:: Something you'll learn eventually, what's right isn't necessarily the truth.

Jordan:: You rock my world Nige.

Dr. Macy:: I wanna know exactly how this guy died.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time [1.11]

Lily:: I always fall for durmers.

Dr. Macy:: Why would you want to have sex 6 times in one day? I mean, come on, we're people not bunnies.

Lily:: Dr. Macy said, "bunnies".

Blood Relatives [1.12]

Max:: Rough one huh?

Jordan:: Yeah.

Max:: I know you Jordan. When you become monosyllabic you've got a serious problem.

Nigel:: We requisitioned a $5,000 stab-me Sammy doll just for these occasions. But for financial reasons we'll be using this lovely ripened honey dew!

Lily:: …I really need to know what you want.

Garret:: You want to know what I want. [he kisses her]

Lily:: Ok, that works for me.

Max:: All I wanted to do is hold your hand and be there for you.

Jordan:: That sounds pretty good right now.

Max:: That I can do.

Miracles & Wonders [1.13]

Max:: What do you think of this place?

Jordan:: It's big... old... empty...

Max:: Well, I bought it!

Jordan:: What! How did you pay for it?

Max:: I scrapped some money together...

Jordan:: How?

Max:: Well... I got a nice severance package when I left the force... and I had some money put away for you...

Jordan:: I have an inheritance?

Max:: You don't now!

Jordan:: Look, I happen to believe in science. Science is my friend. Science doesn't let me down.

Four Fathers [1.14]

Jordan:: When someone goes messing with my Dad, suddenly my ethics go right out the window.

Blackie:: You're bluffing.

Jordan:: Try me.

Lily:: I want to work here because I'm good at my job. Not because you like my…baked goods.

Acts of Mercy [1.15]

Network Guy:: You don't think Noah Wyle wore a regular coat, do you?

Nigel:: Noah who?

Lost and Found [1.16]

Det. Winslow:: You looked good holding that baby, maybe you should think about popping one out.

Jordan:: Yeah or maybe I should pop my foot up your ass.

Garret:: We're communicating.

Jordan:: Vertically or horizontally?

Crime and Punishment [1.17]

Jordan: Woody.

Woody: Doc. Stuck together again. Must be karma, huh?

Jordan: Either that or you keep telling dispatch to request me.

Nigel: [singsong] Jordan's got a boyfriend.

Jordan: Oh, you wanna yank on my pigtails too, Nige? 'Cause I got cheerleading practice.

Nigel: Come on, that sweet country innocence. Those sparkling blue eyes.

Jordan: I would chew him up, and spit him out.

Nigel: Now that sounds like fun!

[Jordan wakes Woody at his office desk.]

Jordan: Woody. Time for school.

Woody: Five more minutes, mama.

Jordan: Mama? I haven't heard that one in a while.

Woody: S-triple X-tc dot com. Gee, I was expecting something--

Jordan: Dirtier? Welcome to the new millennium Wood. White collar meets spiked collar.

Woody: Traditionally when you invite someone over for dinner, you're supposed to do the cooking.

Jordan: Fine. Then you come over here and write the bait to these two sickos.

Woody: Putting yourself out there to lure these guys from behind their computers. I don't know how you talked me into this.

Jordan: Because you failed to come up with a better plan.

Jordan: I think I'm starting to rub off on you farmboy.

Jordan: Thanks for dinner. Uh, and for letting me talk you into another hare-brained scheme.

Woody: I'm not going to put you in a situation where you are in danger.

Jordan: I can take care of myself, cowboy.

Woody: Was she always this way?

Max: Always.

Woody: Hot damn! Woah! I-I-I-I, mean, you have a very lovely daughter, Mr. Cavanaugh. Very smart.

Jordan: There is no why. People are sick, end of story. Sweep it under the rug. Move on.

Woody: Wouldn't it be great if you actually believed that?

With Honor [1.18]

Garret:: I'm probably making the biggest mistake of my life!

Lily:: Well, there's no argument there.

Bug:: What a waste, huh?

Lily:: Um, yeah, he was so young.

Bug:: I'm talking about the suit, three G's easy…

Jordan:: Name's Cavanaugh.

Pt. Neal:: Yeah, you my new therapist?

Jordan:: Nope, you better hope not…

Garret:: …The little guy in the green threads, what was his name?

Carver:: Chill.

Garret:: Perverted little leprechaun, rubbed me the wrong way.

Garret:: Spread 'm Nigel!

Nigel:: I'd rather not.

Garret:: Is that bruising there where the sun don't shine?

Nigel:: Uh-uh!

Garret:: I don't know how I missed it. That's from the barrel of a 45. Talk about hiding the evidence.

Nigel:: Ouch!

Jordan:: …Would you ever do it? Just walk away from everything, start fresh?

Diaz:: No ma'am, taking off isn't my style. How ‘bout yourself?

Jordan:: Oh, I'm famous for it, jobs, friends, the occasional man. It's probably why I was interested in this case.

Diaz:: And all this time I thought it was cause of me.

Jordan:: Truce?

Garret:: It's against my better judgment!

Jordan:: Don't worry it takes time for the venom to recharge!

Garret:: …When did everything get so complicated?

Jordan:: Gosh, I don't know, maybe when you started seeing two women?

For Harry, with Love and Squalor [1.19]

Jordan:: How come we never had the sex talk?

Max:: [puts down the box of bottles] The what?

Jordan:: The sex talk. The birds and the bees.

Max:: Jeez Jordan. It's a little late for that, don't you think?

The Gift of Life [1.20]

Lily:: They took his lungs, his liver, and a kidney.

Bug:: And all he got was a lousy t-shirt.

Bug:: Bring on the marmalade. He's already toast.

Macy:: [holding up a stethoscope] You still talk to God through this thing?

Jordan:: Nar, we e-mail now.

Bug:: You might want to tread lightly, Lily.

Lily:: I tried that. Now I'm strapping on the stillettos.

Someone to Count On [1.21]

Lily:: Detective Wood, right?

Woodie:: Yeah, Woody.

Lily:: Woody, huh?

Jordan:: Bug, you rock.

Bug:: Yeah, I know.

Woody:: The District Attorney is having my ass for dinner and as tasty as that may seem it doesn't leave me much to sit on.

Secrets & Lies, Part I [1.22]

Woody:: I don't get it! What's a nice young sweet girl like Lily doing hanging around with a bunch of dead bodies all day long?

Jordan:: As opposed to a bitter old messed up broad like me?

Maggie:: I'm late.

Garrett:: Late.

Maggie:: Yeah.

Garrett:: How late?

Maggie:: Two weeks..and counting.

Garrett:: Is there any chance that it's just not coming back?

Maggie:: Nooo. But thanks for that.

Secrets & Lies, Part II [1.23]

Woody:: I know that look.

Jordan:: What's that?

Woody:: The let me see if I can slam my head against this wall without feeling it look. Haven't you been in enough trouble lately?

Jordan:: Actually I'm just getting started.

Garret:: I asked you not to go back to Summit View.

Jordan:: Actually it sounded more like an order.

[Nigel has his coat on turning everything off, ready to leave, Jordan enters]

Jordan:: Take off your coat. You're staying.

Nigel:: Anyone ever tell you you're a kill joy?

Strangled [2.1]

Jordan:: You need me to remind you that anything is possible. You need a constant thorn in your ass. And like it or not I'm that thorn.

Bug:: [referring to the mealworms] Often used in museums to clean bones to a highly polished finished.

Woody:: Well that's all fine and... disgusting, but how does it help us?

Jordan:: I've got problems Garret.

Garret:: There's an understatement.

Bug:: I don't trust her.

Garret:: Why's that?

Bug:: She insists on calling me Mahesh. Only my parents call me Mahesh. It's creepy.

Woody:: Alright stay here. I'll handle this.

Jordan:: What?!

Woody:: You think this guys gonna want to talk to you after you chased him down and stuck a gun in his face?

Jordan:: Good point.

Garret:: If I give you your job back, don't you ever run away again

Jordan:: I will try not to.

Bombs Away [2.2]

Woody:: Look Jordan, I have been acting like kind of a jerk lately

Jordan:: You know what forget it, after all I put you through I probably had it coming.

Woody:: No I, I still feel like I owe you an apology.

Jordan:: Oh, I don't want an apology.

Woody:: What do you want?

Jordan:: Breakfast!

Garret:: I could ring your neck for taking a chance like that, thanks for saving my ass.

Jordan:: Couldn't let a sweet piece like this go to waste, could I!

Woody:: I should have never left Wisconsin.

Jordan:: Do me a favor Woody. Let me know when you stop being mad at me cause it's really starting to wear thin.

Woody:: I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad. It just seems you lost the ability to see anyone else's point of view.

Jordan:: I hate to break it to you, but I never had that ability.

Jordan:: (to dead body) Well looks like you're the only one around here I can talk to.

Garret:: You're in the deep end now, and you're gonna have to learn how to swim. (edit)

Strangled [2.13]

Nigel: Why am I always the killer pervert?

Woody: Is he?

Jordan: Well, he did play the Milwaukee Bondage Killer.

Macy: And before that he was the Ice Cream Rapist of '77.

Jordan, Macy: Killer perv.

Revealed [3.10]

Nigel: Woody, Woody, Woody… I promise that I will keep an open mind, okay? And anyway, "sensitivity" is my middle name.

[He opens the door.]

Nigel: SWEET MARY IN THE MANGER!

What Happens in Vegas Dies in Boston [4.07]

Danny: I made a statement. I told you I hit him, I didn't mean to hurt him, I was just trying to stop him. I was defending her.

Woody: See, normally I go with you don't know your own strength but I checked you out. Ex-special ops. Trained killer. Spooky.

Danny: I threw one punch.

Woody: Case in point.

Garret: What's going on, Rene? You've been dodging me for months and all of a sudden you have to see me right now?

[She turns around, showing her very pregnant belly.]

Rene: I guess I should explain.

Garret: I'm pretty sure I understand the mechanics of it.

Rene: Yeah, I know you do.

Garret: So when were you gonna tell me?

Rene: It's not yours. My ex...

Garret: No, it's none of my business apparently.

Mysterious Ways [5.19]

Nigel: Mumbo jumbo. I believe X, you believe Y, neither one of us has a shred of evidence to back it up, but we're willing to kill each other over it.

Don't Leave Me This Way [5.21]

[Jordan spots a suspicious bartender in a surveillance video from Lily's post-wedding rehearsal party.]

Jordan: Look, there's tons of people in that place. Why is he watching us?!

Bug: There were a lot of people watching you last night.

Nigel: Yeah. When you look like you look, people look.

Retribution [6.01]

Garret: We all know Jordan didn't kill anybody, but we need to prove it quick before she gets herself in more trouble.

Nigel: Yeah, cause two murders and violating the terms of her bail isn't bad enough.

Nigel: Dr.… didn't catch the name.

Dr. Switzer: I didn't throw it.

Garret: Leave Dr. Switzer alone, she has a job to do.

Dr. Switzer: Thank you. I appreciate the support, Dr. Macy.

Garret: You don't have my support, You're here over my objections.

Dr. Switzer: Then I appreciate the candor.

[Jordan and Garret are Outside Judge Gordon's office.]

Jordan: Ok, there's his office… and I'm sorry.

Garret: For what?

[Jordan punches him in the stomach.]

Jordan: Heart attack, go with it.

Shattered [6.02]

[Bug and Nigel are sorting through the body parts of the woman hit on the highway.]

Nigel: All the kings' horses.

Bug: All the kings' men.

Woody: Nice guys, real nice. The woman's in a million pieces and you guys are quoting fairy tales.

Nigel: Actually, it's a nursery rhyme.

Jordan: Swytzer?

Dr. Switzer: Switzer.

Jordan: Switzer, sorry. See, when you come to a new place it's good to make an effort to learn the culture.

Dr. Switzer: Excuse me?

Jordan: Pushy is not your best option here.

Dr. Switzer: Why because you've cornered the market?

[Nigel confronts Kate, the brusque new medical examiner.]

Nigel: I don't know who you are, or how you did things in New York, but there's something you need to know. Around here we treat each other with respect. We work together. We look out for each other. We're family. So I don't know why you're here. Or what conspiracy you and Ivers got going on, but I'll tell you this. You keep harassing Miss Lebowski and I will make your life here a living hell.

Kate: Since you didn't stick around after your drive-by hissy fit, here's something you should know. I'm here to do a job. Not to make friends. I have friends. I have family. Back at home where they belong. So aside from the fact that your mere existence makes my life a living hell, as you so charmingly put it, I'm really not concerned about you. You on the other hand… might want to be concerned about me.

33 Bullets [6.03]

Jordan: Beating people to stop violence makes about as much sense as bombing for peace.

Lu: What would you suggest they do? Hold hands and sing "kum-ba-yah"?

[Nigel examines a cupcake.]

Nigel: It's impressive, really. How malic acid, magnesium hydroxide and modified starches can together create a lifelike facsimile of actual food…

[Kate shoves a looter back with the baseball bat.]

Kate: You are gonna be blood and guts on this floor, and then I'm gonna rip out your kidneys and I am gonna take them home and feed them to my dog, Binky. 'Cause there's nothing Binky loves more than the taste of human kidneys.

Crash [6.17]

Jordan: Woody, I don't know what's gonna happen up here. But, uh, there's something I have to say. Just so ya know, uh…(Jordan takes a deep breath)…I love you.

Woody: Jordan

Jordan: I'm not asking for anything here. I just, you know. Uh, I just don't want it left unsaid. Feels like my whole life I've been so focused on death. You know, my Mom, my job and uh…I think I've…I've just been afraid of really living, you know.

(Woody leans in and kisses Jordan)

Unidentified episode

Macy: We should all sort out our personal demons before having children.

"Save Me", season 5

Major cast

Jill Hennessy — Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh
Miguel Ferrer — Dr. Garret Macy
Ravi Kapoor — Dr. Mahesh "Bug" Vijayaraghavensatanaryanamurthy
Kathryn Hahn — Lily Lebowski
Steve Valentine — Dr. Nigel Townsend
Jerry O'Connell — Det. Woody Hoyt
Ken Howard — Max Cavanaugh
Mahershalalhashbaz Ali — Dr. Trey Sanders
Lorraine Toussaint — Dr. Elaine Duchamps
Ivan Sergei — Dr. Peter Winslow

Quoternity