Cruel Intentions Quotations

Cruel Intentions is a 1999 film about Kathryn Merteuil who makes a bet that her step-brother, Sebastian Valmont, won't be able to bed Annette Hargrove (a virgin, who wants to wait until love). If he loses, Kathryn gets his Jaguar, if he wins, he gets Kathryn. It's an adaptation of the French novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses, which was also the source material for the movie Dangerous Liasons (1988) (adapted by Christopher Hampton from his play) and Valmont (1989).

Directed and written by Roger Kumble.

In the game of seduction, There is only one rule: Never fall in love. Taglines

Kathryn Merteuil

Everybody loves me, and I intend to keep it that way.
Introduce her to your world of sex, drugs and...what else do you do?
She's quite cute, you know. Young, supple breasts, a tight, firm ass... uncharted booty... Be her Captain Picard, Valmont. Boldly go where no man has gone before.
I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
When I'm through with Cecile, she'll be the premiere tramp of the New York area.
You're telling me you had the chance to fuck her and you didn't? God, are you a chump.
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex! Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady? I'm the Marcia-fucking-Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself.
People don't change over night, you and I are two of a kind.
You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with.
I think it's the saddest thing I ever heard. [Sips champagne] Tastes good.

Sebastian Valmont

We've done some pretty fucked up shit in our time but this... I mean, we're destroying an innocent girl. You do realize that?

[to his therapist]: You have killer legs. I'd love to photograph them...

I didn't know it was asshole day at the Valmont house.

I'm sick of sleeping with these insipid Manhattan debutantes. Nothing shocks them anymore.

[Letter to Annette] Dear Annette, I don't know what I could possibly say that would rectify the harm I've caused you. The truth of the matter is that being with you was the only time I have ever been happy. My whole life has been a joke. I prided myself on taking joy in others' misery. Well, it finally backfired. I succeed in hurting the first person I ever loved. Enclosed is my most prized possession. My journal. For a long time I considered it my trophy. A sordid collection of my conquests. If you really want to know the truth then please read it. No more lies. Please give me another chance. I'm a wreck without you.

You spend all your time preaching about waiting for love. Well here it is. Right in front of you, and you're going to turn your back on it. So I guess we're just fucked. I'll move on. But you are going to have to live the rest of your life knowing that you've turned your back on love. And that makes you a hypocrite. Have a nice life.

Well I'm in love

Others

Greg McConnell: What is this, Grandma with a birthday present? Suck it, you dumb bitch!

Blaine Tuttle: He used to sneak into my dorm room every month. We'd go at it for a little while, and then, as soon as he'd come, he'd start freaking out. "What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. If you tell anybody, I'll kick your ass!" God. The only reason I let him keep up the charade is because the man's got a mouth like a hoover. Ooh!

Dialogue

Annette Hargrove: You know what your problem is? You take yourself way too seriously.

Sebastian Valmont: I do not.

Annette Hargrove: You should lighten up.

Sebastian Valmont: I am lightened, can we drop this?

Annette Hargrove: Okay. [Makes a funny, ridiculous face at Sebastian]

Sebastian Valmont: Will you stop that?

Annette Hargrove: [Continues to make a face]

Sebastian Valmont: Stop that, it's distracting. [starts to laugh]

Annette Hargrove: Are you laughing?

Sebastian Valmont: [seriously] No.

Annette Hargrove: No? [Makes another face, Sebastian begins to laugh and then regains control]

Annette Hargrove: It's okay, you can laugh, I promise I won't tell anyone. [smiles/smirks]

Cecile Caldwell: This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea.

Sebastian Valmont: It's from Long Island.

Sebastian Valmont: You AMAZE me.

Kathryn Merteuil: Eat me, Sebastian. It's okay for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone but when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady? I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself. So there's your psychoanalysis, Dr. Freud. Now tell me are you in, or are you out?

Sebastian Valmont: Ohh well, duty calls. Dr. Greenbalm and her daughter should make for interesting entry.

Kathryn Merteuil: Ohh, your journal. Could you be more queer?

Sebastian Valmont: Could you be more desperate to read it?

Kathryn Merteuil: Can I take my new car for a ride?

Sebastian Valmont: Kathryn, the only thing you'll be riding is me.

Kathryn Merteuil: The parental units called while you were out.

Sebastian Valmont: Lovely. How IS your gold-digging whore of a mother enjoying Bali?

Kathryn Merteuil: She suspects your impotent, alcoholic father is diddling the maid.

Sebastian Valmont: Good.

Kathryn Merteuil: About that little wager of yours, count me in.

Sebastian Valmont: What are the term...

Kathryn Merteuil: (interrupting) If I win, then that hot little car of yours, is mine.

Sebastian Valmont: And if I win?

Kathryn Merteuil: I'll give you something you've been obsessing about ever since our parents got married.

Sebastian Valmont: Be, more, specific.

Kathryn Merteuil: In english; I'll fuck your brains out.

Kathryn Merteuil: Fuck her yet?

Sebastian Valmont: Working on it.

Kathryn Merteuil: Loser.

Sebastian Valmont: Blow me.

Kathryn Merteuil: Call me later?

Sebastian Valmont: K.

Kathryn Merteuil: I think there's something going on between Cecile and her music teacher.

Bunny Caldwell: Ronald? That's crazy!

Kathryn Merteuil: I know, she's so young and he's so...

Bunny Caldwell: Black!

Kathryn Merteuil: My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible.

Cecile Caldwell: But that would make me a slut, wouldn't it?

Kathryn Merteuil: Cecile, everybody does it; it's just that nobody talks about it.

Cecile Caldwell: So, it's like a secret society?

Kathryn Merteuil: That's one way of looking at it. [under her breath] Fucking idiot...

Sebastian Valmont: What shall we toast to?

Kathryn Merteuil: To my triumph.

Sebastian: It's not my choice of toast, but it's your call. To your triumph over Annette.

[Kathryn laughs]

Sebastian Valmont: What's so funny?

Kathryn Merteuil: Silly rabbit. My triumph isn't over her. It's over you.

Sebastian Valmont: Come again?

Kathryn Merteuil: You were very much in love with her. And you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don't you get it? You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

[drinks champagne]

Kathryn Merteuil: Tastes good. So I assume you've come here to make arrangements, but unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.

Sebastian Valmont: I can't win with you.

Annette Hargrove: It isn't about winning, Sebastian.

Annette Hargrove: I'm impressed.

Sebastian Valmont: Well, I'm in love.

Taglines

In the game of seduction, There is only one rule: Never fall in love.
What you can't have, you can't resist.
Are you in, or are you out?
They're old enough to know better, and too young to care.

Cast

Sarah Michelle Gellar - Kathryn Merteuil
Ryan Phillippe - Sebastian Valmont
Reese Witherspoon - Annette Hargrove
Selma Blair - Cecile Caldwell
Joshua Jackson - Blaine Tuttle
Eric Mabius - Greg McConnell
Sean Patrick Thomas - Ronald Clifford
Christine Baranski - Bunny Caldwell
Louise Fletcher - Helen Rosemond
Tara Reid - Marci Greenbaum

Quoternity