Dick (film) Quotations

Dick is a 1999 comedy film about two sweet yet ditzy teenagers who, after inadvertantly exposing the Watergate break-in, find themselves involved in Richard Nixon's administration before standing up to him under the identity of whistle-blower 'Deep Throat'

Directed by Andrew Fleming. Written by Andrew Fleming and Sheryl Longin.

He was tricky. They were better.taglines

Betsy Jobs

[To Richard Nixon] You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced, and you have a potty mouth!

[Shouting, to Arlene] You can't let Dick control your life!

It's called incest, Arlene, and it's against the law.

Arlene Lorenzo

War is not healthy for children and other living things.

We have a very important school report on turquoise jewelry due in two days, and we can't find any books on it, and the President's having us followed. It's too much pressure.

I love Dick!

[Being followed by the President's 'plumbers'] Dick frightens me.

[After seeing Nixon's "I am not a crook" speech immediately after a threatening call] He's trying to drive me insane!

President Richard M. Nixon ('Dick')

Checkers - shut up! Or I'll feed you to the Chinese!

I've got a way with young people. They trust me.

You don't mess with the big boys!!

Carl Bernstein

What about that list from CREEP? How could you let your dog eat it?! [Hysterical] You're ruining my life!!!

Dick is going down, man!

Henry Kissinger

Excuse me, Mr. President. I was not informed that you were in the middle of... what the hell ARE you in the middle of?

It's alright, gentlemen. I'm familiar with these two young ladies. Well, not "familiar", familiar, obviously. I mean, I know them. We discussed foreign policy. [A secret service agent rolls his eyes knowingly] Don't you give me that look!

I'll take responsibility here. I'll be the only person in this administration who's willing to take responsibility for anything.

Others

Bob Haldeman: I have met yams with more going on upstairs than these two.

Bob Haldeman: You wanna complain about Vietnam? Talk to Johnson!

Mrs. Spinnler: Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell.

G. Gordon Liddy: [Surprised by Betsy and Arlene in the Watergate stairwell] Children! Running around, all hours of the night! When you kids grow up, you'll be living in the Soviet Union of America!

Chip: [After sticking himself with an election pin] Figures that the pain in my ass is Nixon, the fascist.

Dialogue

[A current affairs program opens the movie]

Interviewer: In 1974, President Richard M. Nixon was forced to resign in shame following the 'Watergate' Scandal. One of the great mysteries of this event was the identity of 'Deep Throat', the person who broke the story to Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein. Well tonight, we're going to find out. Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, good evening.

Bob Woodward: Good evening.

Carl Bernstein: Good evening.

Interviewer: Let's get straight to it - who is... 'Deep Throat'?

Bob Woodward: Well, first of all, we're not telling you. And second of all, I thought I was going to be the only guest on tonight's show?

Carl Bernstein: [Bitchy] Well I guess you're not, Bob.

Interviewer: You know, you guys are getting pretty old now...

Carl Bernstein: Well, what do you mean by that?!

Interviewer: Well, I was just wondering if you were ever going to reveal who Deep Throat is ever, before you die.

Bob Woodward: Well, a lot bigger names than you have asked us that, so I don't think we're going to reveal it here.

Carl Bernstein: No, not on a little show like this.

Interviewer: [Exasperated] You know what I think? I mean, I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I don't think there ever was any such person as 'Deep Throat'. I think y'all just made it up.

Carl Bernstein: Yes there was! Deep Throat was -

Bob Woodward: Don't say it!! He's trying to trick us!

[Bernstein covers his mouth and moans]

Carl Bernstein: [Putting a hand on Woodward's shoulder] I'm sorry...

Bob Woodward: [Slapping the hand away] Don't ever touch me.

Carl Bernstein: Bob, I said I'm sorry!

[They begin to have a childish physical fight]

Bob Woodward: Don't... will you... you smell like cabbage!

[They fall over the table; the clip cuts out and the movie opens]

[Arlene and Betsy accidentally meet G. Gordon Liddy again in the White House]

G. Gordon Liddy: Young lady, I am a very busy man...

Betsy: Hey, you look familiar. Have I seen you before?

[Liddy recognises them; his eyes widen]

Betsy: Are you that guy that sells corn dogs at the mall?

G. Gordon Liddy: As far as you are concerned, young lady, I have no identity. In fact, [sinister] I'm not even here...

[He hurries off]

Betsy: He's way weirder than corndog guy.

[When Nixon offers the girls the post of 'White House Dog Walkers]

John Ehrlichman: What's going on? Who are these girls?

Henry Kissinger: I dunno. But it doesn't look constitutional to me.

Arlene Lorenzo: How dare those people treat us like we're stupid teenage girls.

Betsy Jobs: We are stupid teenage girls.

Arlene Lorenzo: No. We're human beings, and we're American citizens. And four score and seven years ago our forefathers... did something. I don't know what. But I do know one thing - Dick's ass is grass!

Betsy Jobs: Checkers pooped.

Rose Mary Woods: Girls, the President's dog doesn't "poop." He "does his business."

[To Arlene and Betsy]

Rose Mary Woods: The President is a very busy man. He doesn't just see anyone, you know.

President Nixon: [Exiting the Oval Office, seeing the girls] Ah, hello girls! Come on in.

Rose Mary Woods: The President will see you now.

Betsy Jobs: You're the smartest person I know.

Arlene Lorenzo: But you don't know anybody...

Betsy Jobs: Are you, like, the President's Dog Walker?

John Dean: I'm John Dean. Chief White House Counsel.

Betsy Jobs: Oh, That's too bad.

Cast

Kirsten Dunst - Betsy Jobs
Michelle Williams - Arlene Lorenzo
Dan Hedaya - President Richard M. Nixon ('Dick')
Will Ferrell - Bob Woodward
Bruce McCulloch - Carl Bernstein
Teri Garr - Helen Lorenzo
Dave Foley - Bob Haldeman
Jim Breuer - John Dean
Ana Gasteyer - Rose Mary Woods
Harry Shearer - G. Gordon Liddy
Saul Rubinek - Henry Kissinger

Quoternity