Ellen Hanley

Starslip Crisis is a webcomic by Kristofer Straub. It began May 23, 2005 and follows the sci-fi adventures of an art museum aboard a starship.

Memnon Vanderbeam

• to attacking pirates: Attention roguish invaders! Before you begin your practiced savaging of what must appear to be another ordinary starship, be aware that this is not some bulk freighter, but a place of learning and culture! This ship houses some of the most priceless treasures in known space! To plunder it is to plunder the poet soul of mankind.

• My diplomacy must sparkle.

• High-contrast lighting and cold onyx surfaces. How Kubrick. How hideous.

• For the same reason the universe exists! Dining ambience.

• to Mr. Jinx: Remind me to pay you a wage so I can threaten to dock it.

• to Mr. Jinx: WEAR IT LIKE A HAAAAAT!!

Cutter Edgewise

• I always take care of my own. Just not my own liver, is all.

• to an alternate-universe Vanderbeam: No dice, parallel-face! You're reactor chow.

• I have a running tab at the engine room's waste ethanol pump.

• My mom was an alcoholic small arms dealer. She knew I needed a masculine influence around the house after my father left. We had this turret I called 'dad.'

Mr. Jinx

• Sorry if I got some Jinx on you.

• You must settle down, sir! Perhaps my calming anesthetic saliva --

Lord Katarakis IX

• Why doesn't anything go right for me? All I wanted was to enslave a destroyed universe of tortured dead.

Admiral Huff

• I'm all for beating swords into plowshares, but I'd rather do it over someone's skull.