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Fourth Doctor

This page is a collection of quotations from the era of the fourth official incarnation of the Doctor from the BBC science fiction television programme Doctor Who, during which the role of the Fourth Doctor was played by Tom Baker. As Doctor Who stories in other media (such as books, audio plays, etc) are the subject of intense debate as regarding their place in the series' overall canon, these quotations are taken entirely from episodes broadcast on television.

Recurring phrases

The Fourth Doctor’s catch phrase: Would you like a jelly baby?

The Fourth Doctor’s other catch phrase (said mostly in the latter part of his life): Hello-o-o-o

Another of the Fourth Doctor's catch phrases: Off you go.

The Fourth Doctor: Shut up, K-9!

K-9's catch phrase: Affirmative, Master.

Robot [12.1]

The Doctor: You may be a doctor. But I'm the Doctor. The definite article, you might say.



The Doctor: Tell me on the way Brigadier! Tell me on the way! You must cultivate a sense of urgency.



The Doctor: There can't be that many people in the country with the money and resources to design and build something like
Sarah-Jane Smith: walking through the door mid sentence ...a giant Robot about 7 feet tall
The Doctor: yes something like that... however did you guess?



The Doctor: There's no point being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes.

The Ark in Space [12.2]

The Doctor: In Slightly Caring Voice] Homo sapiens. What an inventive, invincible species. It's only a few million years since they crawled up out of the mud and learned to walk. Puny, defenceless bipeds. They've survived flood, famine and plague. They've survived cosmic wars and holocausts. And now, here they are, out among the stars, waiting to begin a new life. Ready to outsit eternity. They're indomitable.


Sarah Jane: Harry, call me 'Old Girl' again and I'll spit in your eye.

The Sontaran Experiment [12.3]

The Doctor: (talking to the two men and holding hands with Harry and Sarah Jane) I should stand back if I were you. (Disappearing) I mean it should be all right. (Reappearing) But you never know quite, do you? (Disappears again)

Genesis of the Daleks [12.4]

The Doctor: [approaching two guards] Excuse me, can you help me? I'm a spy. [bangs their heads together, knocking them out]


Davros: Ours is the victory, Nyder. They talk of democracy, freedom, fairness. Those are the creeds of cowards! The ones who would listen to a thousand opinions and try to satisfy them all. Achievement comes through absolute power! And power through strength! They have lost!


Davros: Today, the Kaled race is ended - consumed in a fire of war. But from its ashes will rise a new race. The supreme creature! The ultimate conqueror of the universe! The Dalek!


The Doctor: Davros, for the last time, consider what you are doing. Stop the development of the Daleks!
Davros: Impossible! It is beyond my control. The workshops are already fully automated to produce the Dalek machines.
The Doctor: It's not the machines. It's the minds of the creatures inside them! Minds that you created. They are totally evil!
Davros: Evil?!? No! No, I will not accept that. They are conditioned simply to survive. They can survive only by becoming the dominant species. When all other life forms are suppressed - when the Daleks are the supreme rulers of the universe - then, you will have peace. Wars will end. They are the power not of evil, but of good.


The Doctor: Davros, if you had created a virus in your laboratory, something contagious and infectious that killed on contact, a virus that would destroy all other forms of life; would you allow its use?
Davros: It is an interesting conjecture.
The Doctor: Would you do it?
Davros: The only living thing... The microscopic organism... reigning supreme... A fascinating idea.
The Doctor: But would you do it?
Davros: Yes; yes. To hold in my hand, a capsule that contained such power. To know that life and death on such a scale was my choice. To know that the tiny pressure on my thumb, enough to break the glass, would end everything. Yes! I would do it! That power would set me up above the gods! And through the Daleks I shall have that power!


The Doctor: [last words of the episode] Failed? No, not really. You see, I know that although the Daleks will create havoc and destruction for millions of years, I know also that out of their evil must come something good.

Revenge of the Cybermen [12.5]

The Doctor: [while examining an infected man who's going to be shot by his comrades] The man is sick, he needs treatment!
Lester: There is no treatment. All we can try to do is stop the infection spreading!
The Doctor: Sorry, gentlemen, I can't allow it.
Commander Stevenson: You can't allow it?
The Doctor: My colleague is a doctor of medicine and I'm a doctor of many things. If we could examine him-
Kellman: [interrupting him] Commander, I'm afraid we have to kill these people, too. They brought the plague in here.
The Doctor: Who's the homicidal maniac?



The Doctor: You've no home planet, no influence, nothing! You're just a pathetic bunch of tin soldiers skulking about the galaxy in an ancient spaceship!



Lester: Why don't we just wait here?
The Doctor: I think my idea is better.
Lester: What is your idea?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. That's the trouble with ideas - they only come a bit at a time.



The Doctor: Oh please, don't call me human. Just "Doctor" would do very nicely, thank you.

Terror of the Zygons [13.1]

The Doctor: You can't rule the world in hiding. You've got to come out on the balcony sometimes and wave a tentacle.


[As the spaceship rocks with a large explosion.]
The Doctor:[In a inquisitive Voice] Sounds like the Brigadier.



Zygon leader: You admire our technology, human?
The Doctor: Well, I'm not human; and I've seen better.

Planet of Evil [13.2]

The Doctor: You and I are scientists, professor. We purchase the right to experiment at the cost of total responsibility.



The Doctor: Come on, Sarah. We've an appointment in London and we're already 30,000 years late.

Pyramids of Mars [13.3]

The Doctor: I'm a Time Lord...I'm not a human being; I walk in eternity...



The Doctor: It's high time I found something better to do than run around after the Brigadier!



The Doctor: Something's going on contrary to the laws of the universe. I must find out what!



[The Doctor is attempting to open a lock.]
The Doctor: French pick-lock? Never fails. Belonged to Marie Antoinette, charming lady. Lost her head, poor thing...



The Doctor: Of course this would be a perfect headquarters of a paramilitary organization. This room could easily be turned into a laboratory...



The Doctor: Something's interfering with time, Mr. Scarman. And time is my business.



[A box of Gelignite drops into his hands.]
The Doctor: Sweaty gelignite is highly unstable... One good sneeze could set it off.



The Doctor: Serve you, Sutekh? Your name is abominated on every civilised world!



The Doctor: Yes... perhaps it is time we were leaving. Don't want to be blamed for starting a fire, do we?
Sarah Jane: No!
The Doctor: There was enough of that in 1666.



Sarah Jane: That can't be... I'm from 1980...



Butler: Oh you're not fooling me sir, you came with Dr. Warlock didn't you?
The Doctor: Did we?
Butler: He asked you to scout 'round while he kept His Nibs busy.
The Doctor: Who?
Butler: The Egyptian, sir.
The Doctor: Ah, Egyptian eh? Is this where he keeps his relatives?



The Doctor: Well, Mr Scarman, I really must congratulate you for inventing the radio telescope 40 years early.
Laurence Scarman: That, sir, is a Marconiscope. It's purpose is...
The Doctor: ...is to receive radio emissions from the stars.
Laurence Scarman: [beat] How could you possibly know that?
The Doctor: Well, you see, Mr Scarman, I have the advantage of being slightly ahead of you. Sometimes behind you, but normally ahead of you.
Laurence Scarman: I see.
The Doctor: I'm sure you don't but it's very nice of you to try.



The Doctor: Where are we?
Scarman: [whispered] A priest hole.
The Doctor: In a Victorian Gothic Folly? Nonsense!
Sarah Jane: Oh, so pedantic at a time like this!



The Doctor: Door. Key.
Sarah Jane: As simple as that?
The Doctor: No, not really.
Sarah Jane: I didn't think so.



The Doctor Serve you, Sutekh? Your name is abominated in every civilised world!

Sutekh: You pity your puny worlds against mine?! Kneel!
The Doctor NO!|
Sutekh: Kneel before the might of Sutekh!


The Doctor: Deactivating a generator loop without the correct key is like repairing a watch with a hammer and chisel; one false move and you'll never know the time again.
Sarah Jane: Any more comforting thoughts?
The Doctor: No. Just let me know if it starts to get hot.
Sarah Jane: Don't worry. You'll hear me breaking the sound barrier!



The Doctor: But you use your powers for evil!
Sutekh: Evil? Your evil is my good. I am Sutekh the Destroyer. Where I tread, I leave nothing but dust and darkness...I find that good!

The Android Invasion [13.4]

The Doctor: It's a robot detector. It lights up in the presence of androids.
[The detector lights up]
Android Colonel Faraday: ...Thing must be faulty!
The Doctor: I don't think so. I see I was just too late.
The Android Doctor: [Suddenly entering] A pity you had to find out. We didn't want any shooting until our takeover was complete.
The Doctor: Hello, Doctor! We've been waiting for you.
The Android Doctor: Stand back, Doctor!
The Doctor: You know, the resemblance is astonishing! For a moment, I thought I was seeing double!



Android Benton: Hold it, Doctor! [points gun at the Doctor]
The Doctor: Don't be a fool, Benton! I'm one of you!
Android Benton: But--
The Doctor: Didn't you hear the Colonel just now? The Doctor's not here. He's at large somewhere in the complex!
Android Benton: Oh, yes, of course, sir. I'm sorry, sir.
The Doctor: Oh, that's all right, Benton-- but keep your wits about you. Nobody knows who's who around here!

The Brain of Morbius [13.5]

The Doctor: Do you think I don't know the difference between an internal fault and an external influence! No, no, no, there's something going on here. Some dirty work they won't touch with their lily white hands!



The Doctor [standing outside the opened door, in the pouring rain]: Could you spare a glass of water?



The Doctor [seeing the TARDIS]: How did you get her here, by the way?
Sister of Karn: The power of the Sisterhood.
The Doctor: Really? But . . . you mean you still practise teleportation? How quaint! Now if you got yourself a decent forklift truck . . .



Sister of Karn: You have but a little time left. Will you waste it prattling nonsense, or confess your guilt?
The Doctor: What do you mean, I have but a little time left?
Sister of Karn: Before you die.
The Doctor: But I'm only seven hundred and forty-nine. Life doesn't begin until seven hundred and fif-
Sister of Karn: At the next sun, that is agreed.
The Doctor: Not by me, it isn't. I haven't even been consulted!



Sarah: How many seconds in a month?
The Doctor: Two million, six hundred and seventy-eight thousand, four hundred--
Morbius: Graaah!
Sarah: Short month!



Sarah: [Finding the Doctor on the floor of the lab] Doctor...!
The Doctor: [Opens eyes and sees Sarah not-blind for the first time] Hello, Sarah! Nice to be seen again!
Sarah: Oh, Doctor!
The Doctor: You thought I was dead, didn't you?
Sarah: Mmm!
The Doctor: You're always making that mistake.



The Doctor: You can't really go on calling yourself Morbius. There's very little of Morbius left! Why don't you think of another name? Potpourri would be appropriate!
Sarah: Or how about Chop Suey!
The Doctor: Chop Suey, the galactic emperor!
Morbius: YOU will be the first to die!

The Seeds of Doom [13.6]

The Doctor: If we don't find that pod before it germinates it will be the end of everything - EVERYTHING you understand, even your pension!



Scorby: Okay, start talking.
The Doctor: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart had perfect pitch...
Scorby: [referring to corpse] What happened to him?
The Doctor: Who, Wolfgang Amadeus...? Oh, him. Oh, he died.



The Doctor: We found it [her painting] in a car boot
Amelia Ducat: A car boot?
The Doctor: A Daimler car boot
Amelia Ducat: The car is immaterial.



Harrison Chase: The sergeant and I are both helping the plant world. In different ways, of course.



The Doctor: [As the armed guards seize him and Sarah] That's right, grab us! We're very dangerous.



The Doctor: Hello this is Sarah Jane, she's my best friend.



The Doctor: [As Sarah accidentally speeds up the composter] NOT THAT BUTTON, THE OTHER ONE!



Krynoid/Keeler: If you give the Doctor to us, your lives will then be spared.
Scorby: You better think of something quickly, hadn't you, Doctor!
The Doctor: Oh, Scorby, take no notice of it-- I've heard that one before.
Scorby: It sounds like a pretty fair deal to me! How 'bout it, Doctor? You'd lay down your life for others, wouldn't you?
Sarah: Oh, not to save your skin, not after what you did to us!
Scorby: It's different!
Sarah: Why is it different?!
Scorby: He'd be sacrificing himself for you, for all of us!
Sarah: For your life? For your life--
The Doctor: EXCUSE me! Would you mind if I said something?



The Doctor: Scorby, if I die, you die.
Scorby: I'll take a chance on that!
The Doctor: THERE IS NO CHANCE!



Major Beresford: I've been telling Sir Colin that without the proper authority, I will not launch a raid on someone's private property!
The Doctor: Waffle! Waffle, waffle, waffle!

The Masque of Mandragora [14.1]

The Doctor: You humans have got such limited, little minds. I don't know why I like you so much.

Sarah: Because you have such good taste.

The Doctor:....That's true! That's very true!

The Hand of Fear [14.2]

Physician: You're a doctor, yourself?
The Doctor: Well sort of, yes.
Physician: How do you do. Tell me, where did you qualify, if I may ask?
The Doctor: A place called Gallifrey.
Physician: Gallifrey. I've not heard of it. Perhaps it's in Ireland.
The Doctor: Probably.



Sarah: Eldrad must live.



[Professor Watson is amazed that the missiles have had no effect.]
The Doctor: Any being that can exist, let alone thrive, inside a nuclear pile is hardly likely to be deterred by a few primitive missiles.
Professor Watson: But they're the most powerful missiles we have!
The Doctor: On your standards, perhaps. I think we should try much older weapons.
Sarah: Like?
The Doctor: Speech? Diplomacy?
Professor Watson: What?
The Doctor: Conversation? Come on, driver, let's go!



[Sarah has caught up with the Doctor after he told her to stay behind and wait in safety.]
Sarah: I worry about you.
[After Sarah has outlined why she should be allowed to accompany him.]
The Doctor: But . . .
Sarah: Ah, but what?
The Doctor: I worry about you.
Sarah: So? Be careful.
The Doctor: We'll both be careful.



King Rokon: So, now you are King, as was your wish. I salute you from the dead. Hail Eldrad! King... of nothing.



[Sarah choosing to leave the Doctor]
Sarah: Don't forget me.
The Doctor: Oh, Sarah. Don't you forget me.
Sarah: Bye, Doctor. You know, travel really does broaden the mind.
The Doctor: Yes. Until we meet again, Sarah.

The Deadly Assassin [14.3]

The Doctor: Through the millennia, the Time Lords of Gallifrey led a life of ordered calm, protected against all threats from lesser civilisations by their great power. But this was to change. Suddenly, and terribly, the Time Lords faced the most dangerous crisis in their long history...



The Doctor: That's monstrous! Vaporisation without representation is against the constitution!



[The Doctor is being tortured.]
The Doctor: All right! I confess, I confess. I confess to your being a bigger idiot than I thought.



The Doctor: Oh! Engin, I can feel my hair curling and that can mean either that it's going to rain...or that I'm on to something.



[The Doctor to the Master.]
The Doctor: You'd delay an execution to pull the wings off a fly.



Engin: What is the Master like on mathematics?
The Doctor: He's brilliant, absolutely brilliant--he's almost up to my standards.



The Master: You do not understand hatred as I understand it. Only hate keeps me alive. Why else should I endure this pain?

The Face of Evil [14.4]

The Doctor: Killing me isn't going to help you. It isn't going to do me much good either...



The Doctor: The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.



The Doctor: Answers are easy. It's asking the right questions which is hard.



[Leela meets the Doctor for the first time]
Leela: The evil one!
The Doctor: Well nobody's perfect but that's overstating it a little!



The Doctor: Would you like a jelly baby?
Leela: It's true then. They say the Evil One eats babies.



The Doctor: Now drop your weapons, or I'll kill him with this deadly jelly baby!



The Doctor: If they're preparing for a battle, they're hardly likely to send men on patrol on the off chance that you might come back. [several crossbow bolts strike the tree inches from his face] On the other hand, I could be wrong about that.



Sevateem Tribe Member: Who are you?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. Who are you, and why are you shooting at me?



The Doctor: I wonder...
Leela: What?
The Doctor: Hush! I'm wondering.

The Robots of Death [14.5]

The Doctor: I never carry weapons. If people see you mean them no harm, they never hurt you. Nine times out of ten...



[The Doctor's Jelly Babies are rudely slapped from his hand.]
The Doctor: Well a simple "No, thank you" would have been sufficient...



The Doctor: You're a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.



[D84 is being attacked with robot parts.]
D84: Please do not throw hands at me.



[Leela is manipulating a yo-yo while The Doctor is at the control console of the TARDIS]
Leela: Doctor?
The Doctor: Hmm?
Leela: Can I stop now?
The Doctor: If you want to.
Leela: It will not affect this?
The Doctor: Affect this? No, it's a yo-yo. It's a game; I thought you were enjoying it.
Leela: [incredulously] Enjoying it?! [drops the yo-yo] You said I had to keep it going up and down, I thought it was part of the magic!
The Doctor: [looks at Leela with wide-eyed surprise] Magic, Leela? Magic?
Leela: I know; I know, there's no such thing as magic.
The Doctor: That's right. To the rational mind, nothing is inexplicable; only unexplained.



Leela: So; explain to me how this, "TARDIS" is larger on the inside than the out?
The Doctor: Hmmm? Alright, I'll show you. It's because insides and outsides are not in the same dimension. [The Doctor holds up two black cubes of differing sizes] Which box is larger?
Leela: [pointing to the larger of the two] That one.
The Doctor: Alright... [The Doctor places the larger cube on the command console, and walks over next to Leela and holds up the smaller one] Now, which is larger?
Leela: [incredulously, pointing at the larger cube sitting on the console] That one!
The Doctor: But it looks smaller.
Leela: Well, that's because it's further away!
The Doctor: Exactly! If you could keep that exactly that distance away, and have it here, the large one would fit inside the small one.
Leela: That's silly.
The Doctor: That's trans-dimensional engineering; a key Time Lord discovery!



The Doctor: I see, you're one of those boring maniacs who's going to gloat. Are you going to tell me your plan for running the universe?
Taren Capel: Oh, no, Doctor. I'm going to burn out your brain. Very, very slowly.



[The Doctor on Leela's squeaky voice.]
The Doctor: Oh, there's a mouse in the cupboard...

The Talons of Weng-Chiang [14.6]

The Doctor: Sleep is for tortoises!



Leela: What's the tribe here?
The Doctor: Cockneys!




[Someone throws an axe at the Doctor and misses; it sticks in a doorframe beside his head]
The Doctor: Were you trying to attract my attention?



The Doctor: What's this?!
Leela: A janis thorn.
The Doctor: I thought I told you not to carry any more--
Leela: He was trying to kill you!
The Doctor: Oh. [beat] Oh. Well, in that case, you'd better come with me.



The Doctor: I've always enjoyed messing about in boats!



Jago: Well, if you need any help, Doctor, I hope I know where my duty lies.
The Doctor: [Ironically] I knew I could rely on you.
Jago: Oh, to the limit! Though, I suppose you've got your own men scattered throughout the audience.
The Doctor: No.
Jago: No? [Beat] You mean nobody?
The Doctor: [Emphatically] Nobody. When the moment comes, Mr Jago, you and I can face our destiny shoulder to shoulder.
Jago: Oh, corks.




Litefoot lights a pipe
Leela: Why are you putting fire in your mouth?
Litefoot: Good lord. Has the girl never seen a pipe before?
The Doctor: There's no tobacco where Leela comes from
Litefoot: Sounds healthy, but exceedingly dull



Chiang: Please to keep very quiet! Chiang shoot fifty peasants learning this trick!



The Doctor: Hah! Do you know what this is?
Leela: You ask me so that you can tell me!
The Doctor: Exactly.



Leela: So, maybe he's got another 'eureka'?
The Doctor: No, 'eureka' is Greek for 'this bath is too hot.'



The Doctor: Never trust a man with dirty fingernails!



[Literally moments after destroying the last of their enemies, all the protagonists stand shellshocked in the main room House of the Golden Dragon]

The Doctor: Listen! It's the muffin man! Come on. I'll buy you all muffins.

Horror of Fang Rock [15.1]

The Doctor: The localised condition of planetary atmospheric condensation caused a malfunction in the visual orientation circuits. Or to put it another way, we got lost in the fog.


[The Doctor encounters the Rutan]
The Doctor: Now I remember: Ruban the Rutan!
Rutan: You know our form?
The Doctor: Well, when you've seen one Rutan, you've seen them all.
Rutan: We are a Rutan scout. We are specially trained in the new metamorphosis techniques.
The Doctor: Well, I expect you'll get better at it in time. What are you doing in this part of the galaxy, anyway?
Rutan: That doesn't concern you! You are to be destroyed.
The Doctor: Got it. You're at last losing that interminable war with the Sontarans.
Rutan: [offended] That is a lie!
The Doctor: Is it? You used to own the whole of the Mutter's Spiral once. Now the Sontarans have driven you to the farthest fringes of the galaxy.
Rutan: The glorious Rutan army is making a series of strategic withdrawals, at selected strongpoints.
The Doctor: Rutan, that's the empty rhetoric of a defeated dictator, and I don't like your face either.
Rutan: Your mockery will end with your race, Earthling, when the mighty Rutan Battlefleet occupies this planet.
The Doctor: Why invade an obscure planet like Earth? It's of no value to you.
Rutan: The planet is obscure. But its strategic position is sound. We shall use it as a launch point for our final assault on the Sontaran rabble.
The Doctor: But if you set up a power base here, the Sontarans will bombard it with photonic missiles.
Rutan: That is unimportant. It will serve the course of our final, glorious victory.
The Doctor: And what about its people?
Rutan: Primitive bipeds of no value. We scouted all the planets of this solar system - only this one suits our purpose.
The Doctor: I can understand your motive and purposes, but why murder a handful of harmless humans?
Rutan: It is necessary! Until we return to our Mothership, and the Mothership informs the fleet, no one must know of our visit to Earth.
The Doctor: [mocking] But you crashed, didn't you? Just as you made your discovery, you failed!
Rutan: Failed? We are sending a signal to the Mothership, with a powerful, though primitive, mechanism below.
The Doctor: [shows a severed antenna] You're not, you know.
[The Rutan buzzes briefly in thought]
Rutan: It's of no importance. The ship will home in on the primary signal.
The Doctor: I'm sorry to disappoint you. I fixed that as well, oyster-face.
Rutan: [prideful] All your interference is useless! The beam was transmitted - long enough for the Mothership to trace the signal.
The Doctor: You can't be certain of that.
Rutan: [firm] It will come.
The Doctor: But by then, you'll be dead!
Rutan: [confident] What could you Earthlings possibly do to us?
The Doctor: [heading upstairs] Well, if you'll just step this way, I'll show you...

The Invisible Enemy [15.2]

The Doctor: Sometimes my brilliance astonishes even me.



[Finding a disgusting bit of dangling brain matter]
Leela: Eugh, what's that?
The Doctor: That is why my brain is so much superior to yours!



The Doctor: What do you know about brains, anyway?
Leela: All right, all right, don't get excited!
The Doctor: I'll get excited if I want to! It's my brain! I'll tell you something about brains-- do you want to know something?
Leela: Not much.
The Doctor: I'll tell you anyway. Someone once tried to build a machine as efficient as the brain. The only problem was, it would have had to be bigger than London-- do you remember London?-- and powered by the entire European grid. And that was just a human brain. Mine's much more complex.



The Doctor: [Slapping dangling bits of his brain material together in desperation] OW!
Leela: What did you do?
The Doctor: I think I told them my liver was disintegrating, I think.



The Doctor: [finding something strange in his brain] Who are you?
The Nucleus: I am the Nucleus.
The Doctor: You're trespassing, you know. Treading on my unconscious, affecting my metabol... Nucleus of what?
The Nucleus: The Nucleus of the Swarm.
The Doctor: Oh. Oh, I see. Why did you choose my brain?
The Nucleus: Because of your intelligence.
The Doctor: Oh well, I can understand that, but you realise you have no right-
The Nucleus: I have every right! It is the right of every creature across the universe to survive, multiply and perpetuate its species. How else does the predator exist? We are all predators, Doctor. We kill, we devour to live! Survival is all, you agree?
The Doctor: Oh yes, I do, I do. And on your argument - I have the perfect right to dispose of you.



Leela: Don't worry, Doctor. I found the answer: knife them in the neck!



The Doctor: Hahahaha! That was a good idea of mine, K-9, to blow it up!
K-9: Affirmative!
Leela: What do you mean, it was a good idea of yours? It was my idea!
The Doctor: What was?
Leela: To blow it up!
The Doctor: Then you should be feeling very happy.

Image of the Fendahl [15.3]


[The TARDIS is being pulled into a 'relative continuum displacement zone']
Leela: What will happen?
The Doctor: I wish I knew.
Leela: Can we get free?
The Doctor: That depends on this misunderstood, unmanagable old machine!



The Doctor: Good morning, ladies. Now, which one of you has the time scanner? Hmmm? You know, I don't think these cows know anything about the time scanner.



The Doctor: Ah. A parastatic magnetometer. How very quaint!



The Doctor: [About humans] Your ancestors have a talent for self-destruction, but it borders on genius!



Ted Moss: You both must've escaped from somewhere, didn't you!
The Doctor: Frequently!



Leela: There's a guard... I shall kill him!
The Doctor: No.
Leela: Why not?
The Doctor: You'll upset the dog.



The Doctor: [Taps bone on a table, then sniffs it] Ah! Twelfth century!



The Doctor: [To a skull] Awww! Would you like a jelly baby? No, I don't suppose you would. Alas. Poor skull.



The Doctor: I love fruitcake!



Mrs Tyler: How do ye know so much?
The Doctor: I read a lot.

The Sun Makers [15.4]

K-9: Check, Master.
Doctor: What?
K-9: "Machine mind" computes mate in six moves.
Doctor: Rubbish!
Leela: Doctor!
Doctor: Leela, keep still!
Leela: But Doctor--
Doctor: And shut up, I'm trying to concentrate.
K-9: Your move, Master.
Doctor: I know it’s my move, don’t flash your eyes at me.
K-9: Wrong square.
Doctor: What?
K-9: Your king, Master. Wrong square.
Doctor: Really, are you sure?
K-9: Affirmative.
Leela: Doctor, can I speak now?
Doctor: What? All right, if you must. What is it?
Leela: Well, the column has stopped moving.
Doctor: So?
Leela: It is not important?
Doctor: WHAT?! We might have gone right through the time spiral, why didn’t you tell me?
Leela: I tried to, but you wouldn’t let me.
Doctor: You didn’t!
Leela: I did!
Doctor: You didn’t!
Leela: I did!
Doctor: You didn’t!
Leela: I did!



Leela: Perhaps everyone runs from the "taxman?"



Leela: These "taxes"; they are a sacrifice to the Gods?
The Doctor: Taxes are much more painful.



The Doctor: Leela, I think you and I should take a-- a W-A-L-K.
Leela: A W-A-L-K...?
The Doctor: Wuh-Ah-Ll-K!
K-9: Walk, mistress.
Leela: I know!
K-9: Ready, master.
The Doctor: No no no, you're not coming. You stay here.
K-9: Entreat, master!
The Doctor: No!
K-9: I'll be good!
The Doctor: NO!



The Doctor: Are we interrupting something?
Cordo: What did you say, citizen?
The Doctor: Somehow I have the impression you're thinking of killing yourself.
Cordo: It's the taxes.
The Doctor: Hmm?
Cordo: It's the taxes, I can't pay the taxes!
The Doctor: Oh, the taxes! My dear old thing, all you need is a wily accountant!

The Underworld [15.5]

The Oracle: There are no gods but me! Have I not created myself? Do I not rule? Am I not all-powerful?
The Doctor: Well, yes, here you are, but nowhere else-- you're just another machine with megalomania, heh, another insane object! Another self-aggrandizing artifact! You're nothing! Nothing but a mass of superheated junk with delusions of grandeur!

The Invasion of Time [15.6]

The Doctor: Even the sonic screwdriver won't get me out of this one!



The Doctor: Guard of honour? You're not fit to guard a jelly baby! Would you like a jelly baby?



Castellan: Is there anything else I can get you, sir?
The Doctor: Yes. A jelly baby. My right-hand pocket.
Castellan: What color would you prefer, sir?
The Doctor: Orange.
Castellan: There doesn't appear to be an orange one--
The Doctor: [Seizing Castellan by the arm] One grows tired of jelly babies, Castellan.
Castellan: Indeed one does, sir.
The Doctor: One grows tired of almost everything, Castellan.
Castellan: Indeed, sir.
The Doctor: Except power.



Rodan: I cannot interfere, only observe.
Leela: But what if they attacked you?
Rodan: Then they would be very stupid; nothing can get past the transduction barriers.

[Cut to the Doctor and K9 in the TARDIS]
The Doctor: K9, destroy the transduction barriers.
K9: Master.



Adren: But you have access to the greatest source of knowledge in the universe!
The Doctor: Oh, I do talk to myself sometimes, yes...




[Doctor goes into the TARDIS]
Leela: Doctor?
The Doctor: Yes?!
Leela: I Will miss you!

[The Doctor smiles and closes the Tardis Door]
The Doctor: I'll Miss you too, savage

[The Doctor pulls out a box with the words "K9MII" written on the side and smiles at the camera, breaking the fourth wall.]

Season 16

Season 16 consisted of one long story arc encompassing six separate, linked stories. This season is referred to by the umbrella title The Key to Time.

The Ribos Operation [16.1]

Romana: My name is Romanadvoratrelundar.
The Doctor: [sitting beside K9] I'm so sorry about that, is there anything we can do?



The Doctor: If you call that being nearly killed, you haven't lived yet.



The Doctor: One more thing—-your name.
Romana I: What about my name?
The Doctor: It's too long. By the time I've called out, 'Look out'—what's your name?
Romana I: Romanadvoratrelundar.
The Doctor: By the time I've called that out, you could be dead! I'll call you Romana.
Romana I: I don't like Romana.
The Doctor: It's either Romana or Fred.
Romana I: All right, call me Fred!
The Doctor: Good. Come on, Romana!

Note: Two different actress played the character of Romana in the series and are referred to as Romana I and Romana II.



The Doctor: Keep an eye on the sentry.
Romana: Why?
The Doctor: Sleeping on duty is a serious offense. If anyone comes, you can wake him up.
Romana: You do know that sarcasm's an adjustive stress reaction?



Romana: I do wish you'd stop treating me like a child, Doctor. I'm nearly a hundred and forty, you know.
The Doctor: Really? You're in wonderful condition.



The Doctor: [as he walks off-screen] The secret of survival is to always expect the unexpec--[gets caught in a trap and shouts]



The Doctor: A hole?! What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?!

The Pirate Planet [16.2]

The Doctor: You're not doing very well, K9.
K9: Master?
The Doctor: No.
K9: Suggestion, Master.
The Doctor: What?
K9: Suggest you allow Mistress to make contact.
The Doctor: Nonsense! Making contact with an alien race is an immensely skilled and delicate operation. It calls for tact and experience- what would she know about it?
Romana: (In background) Excuse me...
(Romana converses with citizen)
K9: She is prettier than you, Master.
The Doctor: Is she? What's that got to do with it?



(The Doctor takes the bag of Jelly Babies from Romana)
The Doctor: Where did you get those jelly babies?
Romana: Same place you get them.
The Doctor: Where?
Romana: (Smirking and holding back a laugh) Your pocket.
The Doctor: Good looks are no substitute for a sound character.



The Doctor: Has anybody seen a planet called Calufrax?



The Doctor: Excuse me, are you sure this planet's meant to be here?



Guard: (Takes telescope.) This is a forbidden object.
Romana: Why?
Guard: That is a forbidden question. (Circles Romana.) You are a stranger?
Romana: Well, yes.
Guard: Strangers are forbidden.
Romana: I did come with the Doctor.
Guard: Who is-
Romana: (Interrupts) Ah, now, don't tell me, Doctors are forbidden as well.


(Mentiads enter, look at the Doctor)
The Doctor: Hullo? Are you by any chance the Mentiads?
(Mentiads radiate psychic energy)
The Doctor: It's just that...you look like Mentiads to me...


Guard: (Escorts Romana to aircar.) Get in.
Romana: I shall take that as an invitation. (Hands guard telescope) Thank you. (Climbs in) Will you drive? I assume you know where we're going.


The Doctor: It's an economic miracle! Of course it's wrong.



Kimus: Do you drive these things for a living?
The Doctor: No. I save planets, mostly.



The Doctor: A plank!?
The Captain: The theory is very simple. You walk along it. At the end you fall off. Drop 1000 feet. Dead.
The Doctor: You can't be serious!



Mr. Fibuli: Captain, sir.
The Captain: Speak, Mr. Fibuli.
Mr. Fibuli: The Psychic Interference Transmitter, sir; There seems to be something counter-jamming it.
The Captain: What!? We Dematerialize in three minutes! (into a loudspeaker) ALL GUARDS ON ALERT! SOMEONE IS USING A COUNTER-JAMMING FREQUENCY PROJECTOR! FIND IT AND DESTROY IT IMMEDIATELY!!!
Mr. Fibuli: Captain, do you suppose any of the guards know what a "Counter-Jamming Frequency Projector" looks like?

Pause

The Captain: (into the loudspeaker) DESTROY EVERYTHING!!!



Romana: Newton? Who's Newton?
The Doctor: Old Isaac. Friend of mine on Earth. Discovered gravity. Well, I say he discovered gravity, I had to give him a bit of a prod.
Romana: What did you do?
The Doctor: Climbed up a tree.
Romana: And?
The Doctor: Dropped an apple on his head.
Romana: Ah, and so he discovered gravity?
The Doctor: No, no. He told me to clear off out of his tree. I explained it to him afterwards at dinner.

The Stones of Blood [16.3]

Romana I: K-9, what is tennis?
K-9: Real, lawn or table, mistress?
Romana I: [Beat] Never mind. Forget it.
K-9: Forget. Erase memory banks concerning tennis. [Whirrs] Memory erased.



The Doctor: If they should break through, run as if something very nasty were after you, because something very nasty will be after you.



The Doctor: Doesn't the blood upset you then?
Vivien Fay: Oh, it'll probably be just another sacrifice.
Romana I: I thought you told me Earth was civilized now.



Professor Amelia Rumford: It's getting exciting, isn't it?



Professor Amelia Rumford: I know you're under considerable strain, Doctor, but, please, keep a grip on yourself!



The Doctor: Nobody home but us Druids!



Leonard De Vries: His blood is still warm! I know what to do.



The Doctor: I hope that knife's been properly sterilized.
Leonard DeVries: Blasphemer!
The Doctor: No, no, you can catch all sorts of things from a dirty knife- lockjaw, tetanus, not to mention staphylococcal infections...
Martha: I won't be a party to this!
The Doctor: Good for you!



Romana I: What's that?
Vivien Fay: A policeman's truncheon. Last year when she went to lecture in New York, she took it with her in case she got mugged.
Romana I: And did she get mugged?
Vivien Fay: No. She got arrested for carrying an offensive weapon.



Professor Rumford: Doctor, did I understand you correctly? That thing is made of stone.
The Doctor: Yes and it's closing in on us fast.
Professor Rumford: But it's impossible.
The Doctor: No it isn't. We're standing still.
Professor Rumford: I meant, a silicon-based life form is unknown, unheard of, impossible.
The Doctor: Maybe it doesn't realize that.



Professor Rumford: I still don't understand about hyperspace.
The Doctor: Who does?
K-9: I do.
The Doctor:Oh, shut up, K9! It's all to do with interspatial geometry.
Professor Rumford: I never studied that.
The Doctor: I'm not suprised. They gave up teaching that some two thousand years ago, even on Gallifrey.



Professor Amelia Rumford: Doctor, may I ask you a personal question?
The Doctor: Well, I don't see how I can stop you asking.
Professor Rumford: Are you from outer space?
The Doctor: No.
Professor Rumford: Oh.
The Doctor: More from what you'd call 'Inner Time'.



Megara 2: The prisoner has been tried and sentenced in his absence. The sentence will be carried out.
Megara 1: The sentence is death. You are to be executed immediately.
Vivien Fay: Oh, may I watch? You don't mind, do you, Doctor?
The Doctor: No, be my guest. I wouldn't want you to miss my execution.



The Doctor: Objection!
Megara 2: On what grounds?
The Doctor: How can there possibly be a sentence when there hasn't been a trial?
Megara 2: There has.
The Doctor: There has?
Megara 1: I defended you.
Megara 2: I was judge. You were found guilty.
The Doctor: But I wasn't there!
Megara 2: Immaterial. Your counsel was. He was most eloquent on your behalf.



Megara 1: You are a humanoid, and therefore quite incapable of appreciating the subtleties of the law.



Professor Amelia Rumford: Where's that Dunkirk spirit? Never say die!
K9: I never say die, but I cannot hold.

The Doctor: Now remember. Give it thirty seconds and then ‘pow!’
Professor Amelia Rumford: ‘Pow’?
The Doctor: Yes, ‘pow!’ Pow – pow’s a technical expression, Professor, it means all the microcircuits have been fused in one great ‘gyuh!’ of molten metal.


The Doctor: Hello. Did I short circuit?

The Androids of Tara [16.4]

The Doctor: Would you mind not standing on my chest? My hat's on fire.



Romana: Count, far be it from me to query this woman's competency as a doctor, but where I come from, you don't cut off a patient's head if you wish to cure their ankle!



The Doctor: Look, I don't like to say "I told you so", but I told you so.



(Count Grendel shows off an android duplicate of Romana)
Count Grendel: You see before you a complete killing machine. As beautiful as you and as deadly as the plague. If only she were real, I'd marry her!
Romana: You deserve each other.



Count Grendel: Well, why so miserable? This should be the happiest day of your life. It will also be your last, so you'd better enjoy it.

The Power of Kroll [16.5]

[Dugeen is trying to abort a missile launch that will kill all the natives of Delta Magna IV]
Thawn: Dugeen, you touch that switch and I'll shoot you where you stand.
Dugeen: Then kill me, but you're not going to kill the others!
[Dugeen hits the switch, but the countdown doesn't stop. Thawn shoots him dead anyway]
Thawn: You heard me warn him, Fenner!
Fenner: That was murder, that was cold-blooded murder!
Thawn: Look, the countdown! He hasn't aborted it, it hasn't stopped!
Fenner: You disconnected the cut-out... then you shot him for nothing. DIDN'T YOU?



Ranquin: Master, hear thy servant Ranquin! Great Kroll, defender and savior of the swamps, let not thy wrath fall upon thy true servants. Great One, we ask only that the dryfoots and their abominations be crushed by thy mighty power... [panicked] Master, it is thy servant!
[Kroll seizes Ranquin with its tentacle and swiftly devours him]



[The Doctor approaches Kroll]
Doctor: Well, I've had a good life, can't complain. Nearly 760. Not a bad age.

The Armageddon Factor [16.6]

The Marshal: I shall crush it like a rotten egg.



The Shadow: I too serve a Guardian. A Guardian equal and opposite in power to the one who sent you. The Black Guardian, he who walks in darkness! And you are in the Valley of the Shadow!



The Shadow: Once the Key is ours we shall set not two small planets, but the two halves of the entire cosmos at war, and their mutual destruction will be music in our ears! Unlike others, it is not power we seek, but destruction that we glory in.


The Doctor: I've stopped the universe. [Beat] Still, they'll never notice. Just imagine, somewhere someone's just slipped on a banana skin and he'll be wondering forever when he's going to hit the ground.



K-9: It is stimulating to communicate for once with something other than a limited and unpredictable organic intelligence.



K-9: Hostiles repulsed. Most satisfactory.



K-9: Such actions warrant immediate death, which I shall execute.



K-9: Essential restored to vertical position. Alternative is your obliteration.



Romana I: Well, if one has godlike powers, one ought to be able to use them, oughtn't one?



[Romana whistles.]
The Doctor: What's the matter?
Romana I: Look! Radiation levels you wouldn't believe!
The Doctor: Good heavens! You could fry eggs in the street.
Romana I: But that means...
The Doctor: What?
Romana I: There must be a huge nuclear war going on down there!
The Doctor: None at all, no.
Romana I: Well what else could it be?
The Doctor: I don't know. Probably someone throwing a huge breakfast party. Think po- Why do you always assume the worst?
Romana I: Because it usually happens.
The Doctor: Empirical poppycock! Where's your joy in life? Where's your optimism?
Romana I: It opted out.
K-9: Optimism: Belief that everything will work out well. Irrational, bordering on insane.
The Doctor: Oh, do shut up, K9. Listen, Romana, Whenever you go into a new situation, you must always believe the best until you find out exactly what the situation's all about. Then, believe the worst.
Romana I: Ah, but what happens if it turns out not to be the worst after all?
The Doctor: Don't be ridiculous. It always is.



Marshal: Now that you are here, you are the one!
The Doctor: I am. Am I?
Marshal: The one who will lead us to victory!
The Doctor: Oh! Good-o! As long as there's no personal risk involved, of course.
Marshal: To halt the hated Zeons in their tracks, wipe their presence from our skies, and free this land, this world, this Atrios...
The Doctor: (Interrupts) This Blessed Plot!
Marshal: Good! Good! ...this blessed plot from the terrors of war and the evils of pestilence!
The Doctor: Yes! ... No, I prefer the original.



The Shadow: I know you. And I know there is a want of patience in your nature.
The Doctor: Yes, fools rush in...
The Shadow: [Interrupts.] Exactly.



K-9: The war is over. The bombardment is over. The next step is obliteration.
The Doctor: For whom?
K-9: Everything.



Romana I: What have you done?
The Doctor: I don't know. K9, what have I done?
K-9: You have triggered primary alert function.
The Doctor: Blast!
K-9: Affirmative.



Romana I: I think Merak needs some medical attention.
The Doctor: Yes. Look, Astra, why don't you and Merak go back to Atrios via the transmat? He'll show you the way.
Princess Astra: I'd feel safer with you.
The Doctor: Well, I dare say, but we've got a few complicated things to do and Merak does need attention. I think the thing you should do is go back and show your people that you're free.
Merak: He's right, Astra.
The Doctor: Of course I'm right! Off you go, now. Hope to see you soon.



[To the Marshal.]
Atrian technician: There is only one ship left, Sir. Your escape- [Beat] Your command module, sir.



[Princess Astra while under the Shadow's control.]
Princess Astra: I'd stay and watch you die, but I haven't the time.



The Doctor: Well, here we are. We've tracked him to his lair.
Romana I: Yes, we've got him exactly where he wants us.



Drax: Blimey, it's a dog. Who's a little tin dog then?
K-9: Your silliness is noted.



"White" Guardian: Doctor? You have fully activated all the TARDIS's defences!
The Doctor: You can't be too careful, can you? And it would be a terrible tragedy for the universe if it turned out I was colour blind...
"White" Guardian: Doctor, release the key to me immediately!
The Doctor: ...unable to tell the difference between the White Guardian and the Black Guardian.
Romana: Doctor, what do you mean?
The Doctor: Look!
[The Guardian shifts colour, revealing himself to be the Black Guardian]
The Doctor: Don't you see? The White Guardian would never have had such a callous disregard for human life.
Romana: Of course! Astra, the sixth segment; he would have ordered it to disperse immediately.
The Black Guardian: Doctor, you shall die for this!
The Doctor: Ah, yes, but the Key to Time is still in my possession. Rage all you like!
The Black Guardian: I shall destroy you for this! I shall disperse every particle of your being to the furthest reaches of eternity!
The Doctor: Oh, well, I'd love to stay and see you try, but you know how it is. Places to go, people to see.


Romana: So where are we going?
The Doctor: Going? I don't know.
Romana: You have absolutely no sense of responsibility whatsoever!
The Doctor: What?
Romana: You're capricious, arrogant, self-opinionated, irrational, and you don't even know where we're going!
The Doctor: Exactly!

Destiny of the Daleks [17.1]

The Doctor: [to K9] Say "aah."
K9: [in a very raspy voice] Aaaaaaahhhhhh...
The Doctor: Aaaah! Aaah, laryingitis! How can a robot catch laryngitis? What do you need it for? Romana!
[Romana II enters, in the form of Princess Astra]
The Doctor: Ah, Romana!, Romana, the dog's got laryngitis. [He turns to look at her] Sorry, I thought you were Romana. Have you seen her? [He does a doubletake, puts the machinery down and steps closer, speaking softly] What are you doing here?
Romana II: Regenerating. Do you like it?
The Doctor: Regenerating? [He circles Romana II, examining her] What are you talking about, regenerating? Only Time Lords regenerate! Look, it's awfully nice to see you, Princess Astra...
Romana II: Romana.
The Doctor: Romana! Ahhhhh...
K9: Aaaaaaahhhhhh...
The Doctor: Shut up, K9. What are you doing in that body?
Romana II: Regenerating. Do you like it?
The Doctor: But you can't wear that body!
Romana II: I thought it looked very nice on the princess.
The Doctor: But you can't go around wearing copies of bodies!
Romana II: Why not? We're not going back to Atrios, are we?
The Doctor: No.
Romana II: Well then.
The Doctor: Well, go try another one on. Go on.
Romanan II: Alright.


[Romana II enters wearing clothing exactly like to the Doctor's, including a hat which shades most of her face and covers her eyes]
Romana II: What about this, Doctor?
The Doctor: Exactly! Good heavens, that's exactly right! Ha! I never realized you had such a sense of style!
Romana II: I thought you said external appearances weren't important.
The Doctor: [smiling] Ah, but it's nice to get them right, though, isn't it?
Romana II: [attempting to mimic the Doctor's voice] Ah, but it's what's inside that counts.
The Doctor: Exactly! ulls off Romana II's hat and see's that she's wearing Princess Astra's body again] Oh.
Romana II: Don't you like it? I think it'll do very nicely. If the arms are a bit long I can always take them in.
The Doctor: No, no, no! The arms are just fine.


The Doctor: [incredibly enthusiastically] Oh, look! Rocks!


[The Doctor holds his head, as if he has a headache]
Romana II: What is it?
The Doctor: I don't know. I have the feeling I've been here before.
Romana II: Déjà vu?
The Doctor:: [speaking French] Oui. [jumps down off of the rock he and Romana II are standing on, walks forward, and takes a look around, as if looking for something]
Romana II: Is there something you recognize?
The Doctor: Nothing tangible. [walks back over towards Romana II] Just have a sensation, a pervading air of- [cuts off mid-sentence and looks at Romana II] can you feel it too?
Romana II: Should we go back inside?
The Doctor: What?! And never know where I've been for the end of time? [starts to walk away and then turns around] I wouldn't sleep at night. Come on.


[The Doctor crouches down and starts picking up seemingly worthless rocks]
The Doctor: Interesting.
Romana II: Precious stones?
The Doctor: Very precious. In a geological sense more precious than diamonds. But I need a bigger bit- [looks further in front of him than stops mid-sentence, drops the rocks he's holding, and runs forward] Ah-ha! [picks up a larger piece of rock] Ha-ha! Ha-ha; I was right!
Romana II: How modest.
The Doctor: Well then see what you make of it. [holds out the rock to Romana II to examine]
Romana II: [runs her index finger along the rock and then licks said finger] A composite material. Gravel in a binding of possibly limestone and clay.
The Doctor: Limestone and clay making?
Romana II: Add water, cement.
The Doctor: Add gravel.
Romana II: [smugly] Concrete.
The Doctor: You know something? You've got all the makings of a first-class navvy. Concrete. Manufactured. [drops the rock]


Romana II: Sounds like drilling. What do you think it was?
The Doctor: Underworld dentist?


The Doctor: [about a spaceship] Recognize the type?
Romana II: Not specifically. Judging by design and size I'd say it had intergalactic range and time warp capability.


Romana II: Don't go anywhere, will you?
The Doctor: [trapped under a large block] I'd rather hoped you'd resisted the temptation to say that.


The Doctor: Don't forget the arrow-
Romana II]: [shouting from a ways away] "A" to the front!


The Doctor: [to a pursuing Dalek] If you're supposed to be the superior race of the universe, why don't you try climbing after us?


Romana II: [when asked how many hearts she has] One for casual, one for best.


Tyson: What are we looking for?
The Doctor: The same thing the Daleks are.
Tyson: And what's that?
The Doctor: I'll tell you when I find out.


Mavellan: So that's what the Daleks are looking for. Their creator.


Davros: So, the long darkness has ended. An eternity of waiting is over. The resurrection has come, as I always knew it would. Now, where are my Daleks? [turns and sees the Doctor] Doctor!
The Doctor: Davros! You don't look a day older, and I'd hoped you were dead.
Davros: Dead? I do not die! Mark this moment, Doctor. In this history of the universe, this moment is unique. Davros lives!
The Doctor: Yes, well, I can see your long rest hasn't done anything to cure your megalomania. Have a jelly baby.
[Offers Davros a bag of jelly babies, which Davros promptly slaps out of his hand]


The Doctor: Now ss-pack off!


The Doctor: I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing.


Dalek: LOSS OF CONTROL! LOSS OF CONTROL!
The Doctor: BYE-BYE! [Dalek explodes]


Doctor: Have a go at this Davros: All elephants are pink, Nellie is an elephant, therefore Nellie is pink. Logical?
Davros: Perfectly.
Doctor: You know what a human would say to that?
Tyssan: Elephants aren't pink.


The Doctor: [whispering] Bye-bye, Davros! [Davros freezes]


Romana II: Not that switch.

City of Death [17.2]

The Doctor: Duggan, why is it that every time I start to talk to someone, you knock them unconscious?



The Doctor: I say; what a wonderful butler, he's so violent!


The Countess Scarlioni: I was rather under the impression that it was Mr. Duggan who was following me.
The Doctor: Ah. Well, you're a beautiful woman, probably; and Duggan was trying to sum up the courage to ask you to dinner. Weren't you, Duggan?
The Countess Scarlioni: Who sent you?
The Doctor: Who sent me what?



[Duggan is annoyed by the incomprehensible technobabble the others are using.]
Duggan: Can anyone join in this conversation, or do you need a certificate?



The Doctor: Theodore Nikolai Kerensky, a scientist's job is to ask questions.



The Doctor: Leonardo? You remember the Mona Lisa? That dreadful woman with no eyebrows who wouldn't sit still?



The Doctor: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's being tortured by someone with cold hands.



Count Scarlioni/Scaroth: Doctor, how very nice to see you again. Seems like only 474 years since we last met.
The Doctor: Indeed, indeed, yes. I so much prefer the weather in the early part of the 16th century, don't you?



Romana II: Where are we going?
The Doctor: Are you speaking philosophically or geographically?
Romana II: Philosophically.
The Doctor: Then we're going to lunch.



Duggan: You know what I don't understand?
Romana II: I expect so.



The Doctor: I suppose the best way to find out where you come from is to find out where you're going, and then work backwards.


The Doctor: I wouldn't make a very good criminal, would I?
Count Scarlioni/Scaroth: No. [brandishes pistol] Good criminals don't get caught.


[The Doctor, Duggan and Romana have discovered six Mona Lisas walled up in a basement.]
The Doctor: May I ask where you got these?
Count Scarlioni/Scaroth: No.
The Doctor: Or how you knew they were here?
Count Scarlioni/Scaroth: No.
The Doctor: They've been walled up a long time?
Count Scarlioni/Scaroth: Yes.
The Doctor: I like concise answers!
Count Scarlioni/Scaroth: Good.

The Creature From the Pit [17.3]

The Doctor: I suppose you could say the yoke's on him if you were the sort of person who said that sort of thing which fortunately I'm not.



The Doctor: Stupid expression, 'stands to reason.' Why isn't it 'lie down to reason?' Much easier to reason lying down.



[The Doctor explains why he outdid Lady Adrasta's chief engineer.]
The Doctor: Well, to be fair I had a couple of gadgets he probably didn't, such as a teaspoon and an open mind.



Romana II: So Erato came here to offer you metal in exchange for chlorophyll. Of course!
The Doctor: Right. But who was the first person he met?
Organon: The person who held the monopoly of metal.
The Doctor: Right! And did she put the welfare of her struggling people above her own petty power? No... she tipped the ambassador into a pit and threw astrologers at him!

Nightmare of Eden [17.4]

The Doctor: Oh, my arms! Oh, my legs! Oh, my everything!


The Doctor: Look, have a jelly baby and don't forget to clean your teeth.

The Horns of Nimon [17.5]

Romana II: Don't you think that's a bit dangerous?
The Doctor: No I don't. What could possibly go-
[The TARDIS jolts suddenly causing the Doctor to fall over]
The Doctor: -wrong. You know, I've simply got to stop saying that! Every single time I say "What could possibly go wrong" something goes-
[The TARDIS jolts again, knocking them both over]
The Doctor: It's uncanny! Isn't it?



The Doctor: Have you noticed how people's intellectual curiosity begins to decline the moment they start waving guns about?



The Doctor: Why don't you give me the gun and then I can keep an eye on myself so I don't get up to any funny business.



The Doctor: Here, take this you might need it. [passes Romana his sonic screwdriver]
Romana II: No thank you. I've made my own.
The Doctor: Oh really? [takes Romana's sonic screwdriver] Really? You made this? Not bad, a bit basic though. Thank you! [passes Romana his sonic screwdriver] Now... [puts Romana's sonic screwdriver in his pocket]
Romana II: Uh, Doctor? [Taps the doctor's shoulder with his sonic screwdriver]
The Doctor: Yes?
[Romana passes the Doctor his sonic screwdriver back]
The Doctor: [Slightly annoyed he was caught swapping the screwdrivers] Oh, ha ha, so sorry.



[A planet is hurtling towards the TARDIS]
The Doctor: Estimated time to impact?
K-9: Master?
The Doctor: How long have we got?
K-9: Estimated time to impact-
The Doctor: That's what I said!
K-9: 89.4 seconds.
The Doctor: 89.4 seconds? No dematerialisation, no defense shields and only half power on full drive. K-9, I think we're going to find out what it's like to be a cricket ball. [to the TARDIS] Well, it's been a great, great partnership old girl.
K-9: Master.
The Doctor: Oh K-9, This is no time for emotional quibbling you two. You've been a good dog to me, K-9. [hangs a "first prize" ribbon on K-9] The best I ever had!
K-9: Thank you Master. Time to impact now 58 seconds dead.
The Doctor: I wish you wouldn't say things like that, K-9.



The Doctor: You know K-9, sometimes I think I'm wasted just rushing about the universe saving planets from destruction. With a talent like mine I might have been a great slow bowler.



The Doctor: Did you know that someone is building a black hole on your doorstep?
Soldeed: What?
The Doctor: Yes. I got stuck in it along with one of your spacecraft.



Nimon: Later you will be questioned, tortured and killed.
The Doctor: Well I hope you get it in the right order.



Soldeed: You! You meddlesome hussy! Do not touch the sacrifices!
Romana II: It's all over, Soldeed, you're finished.
Soldeed: No! The Nimon will fulfill his great promise, the Nimon be praised!
Romana II: The Nimon be praised? How many Nimons have you seen today?
Soldeed: I have seen the Nimon.
Romana II: How many?
Soldeed: Skonnoth will-
Romana II: How many Nimons?
Soldeed: Threeeee! I have seen three!
Romana II: Well I've just seen a whole lot more rampaging down the corridor. Face it Soldeed, you're being invaded!



Soldeed: [clutching his face] My dreams of conquest!! You have brought this calamity upon me!
Romana II: You've brought it on yourself!
Soldeed: You will die for your interference!
[Soldeed pulls lever]
Romana II: Stop him!
[Seth shoots him]
Soldeed: You fool! You are all doomed!! Doomed!!



The Doctor: K-9, is there a wall in front of us?
K-9: Negative, Master.
The Doctor: Then off you go then.

Shada[n.n]

Note: "Shada" was intended to be the final serial of Season 17, but was never completed due to a strike at the BBC during filming. It is also the title of the remake, with the Eighth Doctor, an audio play produced by Big Finish Productions and webcast on BBCi.
Chris: Actually Professor, could I just ask you, (indicates the TARDIS) where did you get that?
Professor Chronotis: Oh, I don't know. I think someone must have left it there when I was out.

Romana: I told you you got the time wrong.
The Doctor: You're always saying that!
Romana: And you're always getting the time wrong.

The Doctor: In the great days of Rasillon 5 great principles were laid down. Can you remember what they were, my children?
Romana: It's just a Gallifrean nursery book
The Doctor: I know, I know!
Romana: I had it when I was a time-tot.

The Doctor: Professor, how many books did you bring back, for heaven's sake?
Professor Chronotis: Just the odd two or seven.

Romana: Really, Doctor? A great criminal your hero?
The Doctor: Well, a criminal, yes, but he had such style, such flair, such-
Romana: Panache!

The Doctor: (to the professor) I'll be back in two minutes. (to Romana) If I'm not back in two hours you and the professor lock yourselves in the TARDIS, send out an all-frequency alert and wait!

Professor Chronotis: I haven't got any books. That's to say, I've got plenty of books. What book would you like?

Skagra: I am Skagra. I want the book.
The Doctor: Well I'm the Doctor and you can't have it.

The Doctor: Well Mr. Skagra, or whatever it is you call yourself, you killed a Time Lord, a very old friend of mine. It's time you and I had a little chat!

The Doctor: Did you just see what I didn't see?

Professor Chronotis: Think of me as an anomaly within an impossibility, and get on with your tea.

The Doctor: And twenty-thirdly, out there in the space time vortex, time and distance have no meaning, but here in this little, little room-
Romana: Oh, get on with it, Doctor!

Skagra's Ship: Do you know the Doctor well? He is a wonderful, wonderful man! He has done the most extraordinary things to my circuitry!
Skagra: Release me!
Skagra's Ship: Truly wonderful! If you like I will tell you all about him!

The Leisure Hive [18.1]

The Doctor: Don't cross your bridges before they're hatched.



Pangol: How did you get out?
The Doctor: Through a hole in the back.
Pangol: But there isn't one
The Doctor: [Holds up sonic screwdriver.] There is now!



Brock: His scarf killed Stimson.
The Doctor: Arrest the scarf then.

Meglos [18.2]

The Doctor: First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

Full Circle [18.3]

The Doctor: Why can't people be nice to one another, just for a change? I mean, I'm an alien and you don't want to drag me into a swamp, do you... You do?!

State of Decay [18.4]

K-9: Reconfigured in aggression mode, Master.



Aukon: Then die... that is the purpose of guards.

Warriors' Gate [18.5]

The Doctor: Unless we work very closely together, we could be here until the crack of doom. Oh, what's the use? Can I have one of your pickles? I had a rushed lunch.



The Doctor: You were the noblest Romana of them all!


Romana: He's mad, the backblast backlash will bounce back and destroy everything.

[The Doctor goes to rescue Biroc's Race]
The Doctor: If i'm not back in thirteen and a half minutes, dematerialize.
Adric: Without you?!
Romana: I'm coming with you.
The Doctor: No, it's time you started accepting orders.
Romana: [To The Doctor] It's high past time I started accepting orders. [To Adric] If we're not back in thirteen and a half minutes, dematerialize.
The Doctor: You're improving, I like that.

[The Doctor and Romana walk out]

The Keeper of Traken [18.6]

Adric: i don't see what the law of probability has to do with it.
The Doctor: No. [realizing what Adric said] What?! Adric, I've given you a privileged insight into the mystery of time, yes?
Adric: Yes.
The Doctor: Introduced you to adventures beyond imagining, yes?
Adric: Yes.
The Doctor: And you criticise my logic?
Adric: No, no, I'm just saying that a lot of the time you don't really make sense.
The Doctor: [pauses] Ah! Ah, you've noticed that, have you? Well, anybody can make sense.


Fourth Doctor: Oh don't listen to me, I never do.


The Doctor: Adric, if I knew everything that was going to happen, where would the fun be?


The Doctor: Traken Union, famous for its harmony. A whole empire held together by- by people being terribly nice to each other.
Adric: Well, that makes a change.


The Doctor: They say the atmosphere there was so full of goodness that evil just shrivelled up and died. Maybe that's why I never went there.


The Doctor: [about the Keeper disappearing] What do you make of it?
Adric: I don't know. But I do hope we know what we're doing.
The Doctor: Yes, so do I. [realizing what Adric just said] We?!
Adric: [points at the Doctor] You. [the Doctor smiles]


The Doctor: What can't be cured must be endured.
Adric: That's the silliest thing I ever heard.
The Doctor: Oh don't listen to me. I never do.


The Doctor: Oh by the way, by the way! Neeman, Neeman come here! [puts his arms around the guards] You chaps might be interested in this as well. Listen. Do you know that expression, uh, two heads are better than one, hm? [knocks the two guards' heads into Neeman's head, all three of which promptly collapse] Well I think that one head is better than three!


The Master: A new body, at last!


The Doctor: I used to know an ancient remedy for mad dogs. I must look it up sometime. Good library here, have you?

Logopolis [18.7]

The Doctor: The Master's already at work on Logopolis. I'm going to stop him if it's the last thing I do.



Tegan : Well, there's certainly intelligent life at the end of this lot.



The Doctor: I've just dipped into the future. We must be prepared for the worst.



Nyssa : You killed my father.
The Master: But his body remains useful.



[The Fourth Doctor's last words.]
The Doctor: It's the end... but the moment has been prepared for...
 
Quoternity
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