Futurama Quotations

Futurama is an animated television series created by Matt Groening and David X. Cohen. Set in the year 3000, the series follows Philip J. Fry, a 20th century human who was cryogenically frozen in the year 1999, and his friends and coworkers at the Planet Express delivery company.

Season 1	Season 2	Season 3	Season 4
Space Pilot 3000	I Second That Emotion	Amazon Women in the Mood	Kif Gets Knocked Up A Notch
The Series Has Landed	Brannigan Begin Again	Parasites Lost	Leela's Homeworld
I, Roommate	A Head in the Polls	A Tale of Two Santas	Love and Rocket
Love's Labors Lost in Space	Xmas Story	The Luck of the Fryrish	Less Than Hero
Fear of a Bot Planet	Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?	The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz	A Taste of Freedom
A Fishful of Dollars	Lesser of Two Evils	Bendless Love	Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
My Three Suns	Put Your Head on my Shoulder	The Day The Earth Stood Stupid	Jurassic Bark
A Big Piece of Garbage	Raging Bender	That's Lobstertainment	Crimes of the Hot
Hell Is Other Robots	A Bicyclops Built For Two	The Cyber House Rules	Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles
A Flight to Remember	A Clone of My Own	Where the Buggalo Roam	The Why of Fry
Mars University	How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back	Insane in the Mainframe	Where No Fan Has Gone Before
When Aliens Attack	The Deep South	The Route of All Evil	The Sting
Fry and the Slurm Factory	Bender Gets Made	Bendin' in the Wind	Bend Her
	Mother's Day	Time Keeps on Slippin'	Obsoletely Fabulous
	The Problem With Popplers	I Dated a Robot	The Farnsworth Parabox
	Anthology of Interest I	A Leela of Her Own	Three Hundred Big Boys
	War Is the H-Word	A Pharaoh to Remember	Spanish Fry
	The Honking	Anthology of Interest II	Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings
	The Cryonic Woman	Roswell That Ends Well
		Godfellas
		Future Stock
		The 30% Iron Chef

Space Pilot 3000

Fry: Whoa…a real live robot; or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass.

Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag.

Fry: Why would a robot need to drink?

Bender: I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want!

The Series Has Landed

Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

Fry: Well, let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.

Bender: Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

Leela: OK, if everyone's finished being stupid—

Fry: I had more, but you go ahead.

Leela: We'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go home.

Fry: But I've never been to the moon!

Leela: Ok, we'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go ride the bumper cars.

Amy: Leela's gonna kill me.

Bender: No, she'll probably make me do it.

I, Roommate

[Professor Farnsworth is talking on the phone.]

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? ...To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? ...To shreds, you say!

Bender: Of all the friends I've had... you're the first.

Love's Labors Lost in Space

Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Leela: Look, last night was a mistake.

Zapp Brannigan: A sexy mistake.

Leela: No, just a regular mistake.

Fear of a Bot Planet

Robot #1: Administer the test.

Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A: a puppy, B: a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: a large properly formatted data file?

Robot #1: Choose!

Fry: Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

Robot #2: No, it is the bad kind of puppy.

Leela: Then we'll go with that data file!

Robot #2: Correct!

Robot #1: The flower would also have been acceptable.

Fry: We're rescuing ya.

Bender: I don't want to be rescued.

Fry: Say what?

Bender: I love this planet! I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

A Fishful of Dollars

[Fry starts playing an audio tape recording of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back."]

Leela: Fry, you can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Fry: I could if you hadn't turned on the light and shut off my stereo.

Fry: I found what I need. And it's not friends, it's things.

Bender: I'm a thing.

My Three Suns

Leela: This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one.

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

A Big Piece of Garbage

Professor Farnsworth: I daresay that Fry has discovered the smelliest object in the known universe!

Bender: Ooh, name it after me!

[The Planet Express crew have watched an online movie about the solution to the garbage problem in New York.]

Fry: Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

Professor Farnsworth: Actually, that's still true.

[In the movie]

Female Scientist: Now that the, uh, garbage ball is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions?

Male Scientist: With gusto.

Hell Is Other Robots

Bender: Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, why couldn't he have picked a more mainstream religion, like Oprahism, or voodoo?

A Flight to Remember

Bender: You guys go on without me! I'm going to go... look for more stuff to steal!

Fry: You're going back for the Countess, aren't you?

Bender: Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man.

Fry: I'll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Bender: I love you, buddy!

Countess de LaRoca: Bender, you risked your life to save me!

Bender: And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

Mars University

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?

Guenter: All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit... that's why I'm transferring to business school!

Professor Farnsworth: Noooooo!

When Aliens Attack

Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.

Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?

Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

Zapp Brannigan: The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fry and the Slurm Factory

Professor Farnsworth: Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?

Glermo: Why, those are the Grunka-Lunkas! They work here in the Slurm factory.

Professor Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them.

Glermo: You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie!

Fry: When will that be?

Glermo: Soon enough.

Fry: That's not soon enough!

I Second That Emotion

Professor Farnsworth: And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.

Bender: You guys realize you live in a sewer, right?

Dwayne: Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you!

Leela: No. We're on the top.

Fry: Daylight and everything.

Vyolet: It must be wonderful.

Bender: Meh.

Brannigan, Begin Again

Zapp Brannigan: Throw her in the brig.

Fry: We don't have a brig.

Zapp Brannigan: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".

Zapp Brannigan: Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me.

Leela: I never loved you.

Zapp Brannigan: I meant physically. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually?

Leela: You wouldn't know how to do any of those.

Zapp Brannigan: Kif might!

A Head in the Polls

Bender: Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

Professor Farnsworth: But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Morbo: Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates... PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

Richard Nixon's Head: Hello Morbo, how's the family?

Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.

Richard Nixon's Head: Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

Xmas Story

Professor Farnsworth: Dear God, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup until January 3rd.

Bender: I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood?

Fry: Whose blood?

Bender: Eh, some guy's.

Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

Dr. Zoidberg: Hmm, this love intrigues me. Teach me to fake it!

Dr. Zoidberg: Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?

Fry: Fatal.

Dr. Zoidberg: [hands Bender a wad of dollar bills] Large bet on myself in round one.

Lesser of Two Evils

Voice on T.V.: Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?

Bender: Shut up and get to the point!

Fry: Bender?! You stole the atom.

Bender: I can explain. It's very valuable.

Put Your Head on my Shoulder

Fry: Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?

Amy: I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though!

Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

Amy: Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Bender: Ah, computer dating. It's like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head."

Raging Bender

Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love!

George Foreman: As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead.

Rich Little: No argument here.

A Bicyclops Built For Two

Bender: Behold, the internet.

Fry: My God, it's full of ads!

[Bender is disguised as a sexy nurse, talking to a chat room participant.]

Bender: Hi, I'm a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute.

Chat room participant: Oh, you're a dollar naughtier than most.

[He hands Bender the money.]

Bender: So, how 'bout them Knicks?

A Clone of My Own

Cubert: Your explanations are pure weapons grade balognium. It's all impossible.

Professor Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Professor Farnsworth: Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be...

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

[Hermes is threatening to jump off a building.]

Planet Express Crew: No! Don't jump!

Bender: Do a flip!

Number 1.0: Guards! Give me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away!

The Deep South

[Fry is presented with an egg-sized pill which will allow him to withstand the pressure underwater.]

Fry: Are you crazy? I can't swallow that.

Professor Farnsworth Well, then good news! It's a suppository.

Leela: Where's Fry?

Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor?

Professor Farnsworth: No, I've been busy.

Bender Gets Made

Supplicant: Please, Don-Bot... look into your hard drive, and open your mercy file!

Don-Bot: File not found.

Don-Bot: Alright, let's mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.

Mother's Day

Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! There's a report on TV with some very bad news!

Greeting Card: Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!

Bender: Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?

Greeting Card: No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires!

Bender: Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

The Problem With Popplers

Fry: They're like sex, except I'm having them!

Professor Farnsworth: There's one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain!

Anthology of Interest I

Professor Farnsworth: You've killed me! Oh, you've killed me!

Leela: Oh God, what have I done?

Professor Farnsworth: I just told you! You've killed me!

Hermes: What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! It is! My precious torso!

War Is the H-Word

Bender: This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me!

Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.

Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?

Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.

The Honking

Bender: And until then, I can never die?

Fortune-Telling Robot: Who said that? SURE you can die! [pulls out big gun] You want to die?!

Bender: No! I want to live! There's still too many things I don't own!

Calculon: I was all of history's great robot actors - Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny!

The Cryonic Woman

Fry: Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it.

Dr. Zoidberg: For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Amazon Women in the Mood

Fry: Goodbye, friends. I never thought I'd die like this. But I always really hoped.

Zapp Brannigan: We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Parasites Lost

Professor Farnsworth: Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.

Dr. Zoidberg: There's no part of that sentence I didn't like!

Fry: It's like a party in my mouth and everybody's throwing up!

A Tale of Two Santas

Bender: Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

Pramala: Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.

Bender: And yet you haven't said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you?

Fry: I'm Santa Claus!

Hermes: No, I'm Santa Claus!

Amy: We're also Santa Claus!

Dr. Zoidberg: And I'm his friend Jesus.

Mayor: You guys aren't Santa! You're not even robots. How dare you lie in front of Jesus?

The Luck of the Fryrish

Young Fry: Ah, the Breakfast Club soundtrack! I can't wait til I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff!

Fry: Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.

Bender: I'll get my kit!

The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz

Free Waterfall Sr.: If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don't wanna be right.

Hyperchicken: Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket o' trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin' up that ol' mess you caused.

Bender: Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't you just got me the death penalty?

Bendless Love

Bender: That's right, baby. I ain't your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him!

Angleyne: Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be.

Bender: Oh how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo!

Professor Farnsworth: ...You have a dime up your nose.

Fry: Oh, I wish... It's a nickel.

The Day the Earth Stood Stupid

Big Brain: Foolish human race! Organizing your knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands!

Morbo: Morbo can't understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that's shaped like a man wearing a hat.

Linda: It's a 'T'. It goes 'tuh'.

Morbo: Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

That's Lobstertainment

Bender: Calculon is gonna kill us and it's all everybody else's fault!

Calculon: Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

The Cyber House Rules

Amy: What are their names?

Bender: Kids have names?

Orphan: My name is Nina, this is Albert—

Bender: —And from now on you're all named Bender Jr.

Orphan: Daddy Bender, we're hungry.

Bender: What's with you kids? Every other day it's food, food, food. [pause] Alright, I'll get you some stupid food.

Orphan: Can we have Bender Burgers again?

Bender: No. The cat shelter's on to me!

Where the Buggalo Roam

Martian: I am Singing Wind, Chief of the Martians.

Zapp Brannigan: Take me to your leader!

Martian: Moving along...

Zapp Brannigan: [introducing himself] I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan!

Insane in the Mainframe

Leela: OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.

Farnsworth: You're going to do his laundry?

Leela: Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful!

Fry: Negative, bossy meat creature!

The Route of All Evil

Bender: I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Dwight: Can I use the gun?

Hermes: What kind of a father would I be if I said no?

Bendin' in the Wind

Dr. Zoidberg: It's toe-tappingly tragic!

Beck: Bender, that was an amazing three hour washboard solo. The parts when I was awake blew my mind!

Time Keeps on Slippin'

Leela: I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up! Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mamas.

Hermes: I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Professor Farnsworth: Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems.

Professor Farnsworth: Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

[Farnsworth presses a button, revealing an arsenal of doomsday weapons.]

Professor Farnsworth: I suppose I could part with one and still be feared…

I Dated a Robot

Professor Farnsworth: Oh dear! She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot! Well, that's love for you.

Bender: Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!

Leela: Bender, this is Fry's decision... and he made it wrong. So it's time for us to interfere in his life.

A Leela of Her Own

Bender: Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk!

Leela: How much did you make me?

Bender: One hundred dollars.

[Leela is signing autographs.]

Leela: Who am I making this out to?

Girl: Ummm…to eBay?

Leela: That's a popular name today. Little "e", big "B"?

A Pharaoh to Remember

Leela: Bender, we're trying our best.

Bender: Your best is an idiot!

Fry: You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

Leela: That's the ONLY thing about being a slave.

Anthology of Interest II

Fry: Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head.

Leela: I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!

Leela: Why did you bring us here?

Dr. Zoidberg: And why did I have to take a cab?

Roswell That Ends Well

Professor Farnsworth: For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist!

Fry: But existing is basically all I do!

Professor Farnsworth: And remember, don't do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Godfellas

Bender: You know, I was God once.

God: Yes, I saw. You were doing good, until everyone died.

God: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!

God: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Future Stock

Hermes: We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral!

That Guy: Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!

Amy: Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of will?

Bender: Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk!

The 30% Iron Chef

[Dr. Zoidberg has broken the professor's ship-in-a-bottle.]

Dr. Zoidberg: Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg fixes the bottle... then perhaps gifts!

Bender: I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh... also, comes with double prize money.

Kif Gets Knocked Up A Notch

Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!

Fry: Check it out, y'all. Everyone who was invited is here.

Dr. Zoidberg: Also Zoidberg.

Leela's Homeworld

Fry: I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!

Leela: I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

Fry: Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

Love and Rocket

[Bender and Planet Express Ship are arguing over using public funds for controversial art.]

Bender: Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers?

Planet Express Ship: Ugh, it's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?

Bender: Why not indeed!

Leela: Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually!

Planet Express Ship: I saw you with those two "ladies of the evening" at Elzars. Explain that.

Bender: Okay, I like a challenge.

Less Than Hero

Leela: Man, I'm sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor.

Fry: I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.

Fry: Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You'd think it would be something you'd have to freebase.

A Taste of Freedom

Nixon's Head: In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms.

Fry: Anyone who laughs is a communist!

Fry: Hey, wait, I'm having one of those things... you know, a headache with pictures.

Leela: An idea?

Fry: Mmm! Mmm hmm!

Bender Should Not Be Allowed On TV

Leela: Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.

Fry: Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

Bender: Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Jurassic Bark

Bender: Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious.

Fry: You can see how I lived before I met you.

Bender: You lived before you met me?!

Fry: Yeah, lots of people did.

Bender: Really?!

Crimes of the Hot

Al Gore: My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.

Wizard in the Audience: Oh sure! Blame the wizards!

Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

Morbo: Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles

Professor Farnsworth: I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.

The Why of Fry

Male Nibblonian: Does he not know?

Nibbler: He does not know.

Female Nibblonian: He knows not?

Nibbler: Knows not does he.

Nibblonian: Naught he knows?

Male Nibblonian: Enough! Fry, it is my duty to inform you that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and all that will exist rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe.

Fry: Oh snap!

Fry: But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop.

Nibbler: Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Where No Fan Has Gone Before

Leonard Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.

William Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Walter Koenig: And when we woke up, we had these bodies.

Fry: Say it in Russian!

Walter Koenig: [sigh] Ven ve voke up, ve had zese wodies.

Fry: Wheee! Now say "nuclear wessels"!

Walter Koenig: No!

The Sting

Father Changstein: I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

Hermes: Soothe us with sweet lies.

Fry: Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Bend Her

Bender: Just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged.

Bender: Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Obsoletely Fabulous

Bender: I'm sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in.

[The Planet Express crew is trapped under the ship, surrounded by a ring of burning fuel.]

Hermes: Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! [pause] Also, we're dying!

Bender: Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg!

The Farnsworth Parabox

Professor Farnsworth: Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Leela: Bender, quit destroying the universe!

Three Hundred Big Boys

Hermes: With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun!

[Morbo's wife is adjusting his tie.]

Morbo: Stop it, stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Spanish Fry

Porno-dealing Lizard: I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later.

Everyone else: Eew!

Porno-dealing Lizard: Hey! I'm a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think?

Ndnd: For the last time, I don't like lilacs! Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs!

Lrrr: She also liked to shut up!

The Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings

Robot Devil: This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!

Fry: That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing.

Bender: You may have to "metaphorically" make a deal with the "devil." And by "devil," I mean Robot Devil. And by "metaphorically," I mean get your coat.

Cast

Billy West - Philip J. Fry, Professor Hubert Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Zapp Brannigan
Katey Sagal - Turanga Leela
John Di Maggio - Bender

Futurama