Garden State Quotations

Garden State is a 2004 film about a young man named Andrew Largeman who returns home for his mother's funeral and how he must deal with his estranged family and friends. During his stay he meets a young woman named Sam and together they try to make sense of the world around them.

Written and Directed by Zach Braff.

Andrew Largeman (Large)

You know, this necklace makes me think of this totally random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for whatever reason, and she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls floating around. And there was, like, snot running down my nose, right?. And she gave me her sleeve - and told me to blow my nose into it. And I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself: Wow. This is love...this is love.
This is my life, Dad. This is it. I've spent 26 years waiting for something else to start. So, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be okay. You know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are, and that will be better, okay? I think that will be better.
[To Sam] I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.
It's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter inch piece of plastic.
My mom just died. God, it's weird to say it out loud. But, my mom just died.
You changed my life. You changed my life, and I've known you four days. This is the beginning of something really big, but right now, I gotta go.
We're not playing "Spin the Bottle." How old are we? More importantly, how old are they?
You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore…all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your shit, that idea of home is gone…or maybe it's like this rite of passage…you will never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. Maybe that’s all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
I was nine, and someone made a shitty latch.

Sam

You gotta hear this one song. It'll change your life, I swear. [Famous line referring to the song "New Slang" by The Shins]
What do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry, but in between, I laugh. And I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good.
This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before, and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.
What's the word that's burning in your heart?
If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.
Wow! I cannot believe you're not really retarded!
My mom always says that, when she can see I'm, like, working something out in my head. She's like, "You're in it right now" and I'm looking at you telling this story, and you're definitely in it.
OK, so, sometimes I lie. I mean I'm weird, man, about random stuff too. I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick. I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, "Wow, that wasn't even remotely true".
I have three Dobermans, and if I didn't kick them in the balls on a regular basis, I'd never get anything done.
My hair's blowin' in the wind.
Sidecars are for bitches.

Mark

The only thing worse than a favor is a favor involving money.
Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.
I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
Come on, please. If I was going to get you coke we would've gone to the fucking high school football practice. We would've been rolling five hours ago.
Hey, if you ever need a Kato, you know where to find me.

Other

Mark's Mom: Oh, guys, don't stay in here all day. I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector. It was beeping all night.

Dr. Cohen: You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety. I found my ex-best friend's cufflinks in my wife's purse. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half...for example.

Tim: By the way, it says "Balls" on your face.

Andrew: [to Mark] Asshole.

Mark: My mom did it.

Jesse: Dude, maybe you should stay over by the steps. I don't know CPR.

Mark: You look like a wet beaver.

Diego: Raise your hand if you just saw some titties

[Mark, Largeman and Sam raise their hands tentatively]

Diego: Ok. Now everybody calm the fuck down!

Kenny: Your mom just died! ..... I mean, that's why you're home.

Dialogue

Andrew Largeman: Fuck, this hurts so much.

Sam: I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's sorta all we have.

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your shit that idea of home is gone.

Sam: I still feel at home in my house.

Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out. It just sort of happens one day, one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I don't know maybe it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

[as Largeman, Mark, and Sam are leaving Albert's quarry.]

Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.

Albert: Thanks...Hey, you too.

Sam: Well, don't try anything funny, 'cause my uncle's a bounty hunter and he can have you tracked and killed.

Andrew Largeman: You're such a liar.

Rude Girl Customer: I'll have a Ketel Cosmo, with Red Bull, and some bread, ASAP.

Andrew Largeman: We don't have bread.

Rude Girl Customer: What do you mean you don't have bread, how can you not have bread?

Andrew Largeman: We're a Vietnamese restaurant. We just don't have bread.

Rude Girl Customer: Well, you're not Vietnamese.

Andrew Largeman: No, I'm not.

Rude Girl Customer: Can I have something to chew on? Fuck, bamboo! Whatever!

Andrew Largeman: I'll see what I can find.

Andrew Largeman: I think we've corrupted this innocent girl enough for one day!

Sam: I'm not innocent.

Andrew Largeman: Yes, you are. That's what I like about you, okay? And I don't want this guy taking you to some sketchy quarry in the middle of Newark to find crack whores huffing turpentine or pit bulls raping each other, or whatever else is down here!

Mark: Man, that's the most worked up I've ever seen you.

Sam: He's protecting me.

Andrew Largeman: So?

Sam: He likes me!

Andrew Largeman: Don't be cute.

Sam: He's my knight in shining armor.

Andrew Largeman: Don't talk about knights around Mark. It's a sore subject.

Mark: I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.

Andrew Largeman: Pun intended?

Andrew Largeman: You're a cop, Kenny?

Kenny: Yeah, I know.

Andrew Largeman: Why?

Kenny: I don't know, man. Had nothing better to do. Plus, the benefits are great, you know? If I get shot on the job, I'm like, ummmm... rich!

Andrew Largeman: But Kenny, the last time I saw you, you were doing coke lines off a urinal.

Kenny: I know, I know, man... but it was time for me to grow up, you know? Plus, I wasn't making shit at that fish market. No one knew who I was. I couldn't get laid. Yeah, it's a much better situation for me now.

Sam: We're not gonna make out or anything, okay?

Andrew Largeman: What?

Sam: Oh, I'm sorry. I just totally ruined that moment, didn't I?

Andrew Largeman: So what were you really doing there?

Sam: Charging. I'm a robot.

Andrew Largeman: Do you lie a lot?

Sam: What do you consider a lot?

Andrew Largeman: Enough for people to call you a liar.

Sam: People call me lots of things.

Andrew Largeman: Is one of them liar?

Sam: I could say no, but how would you know I'm not lying?

Andrew Largeman: I guess I could choose to trust you.

Sam: You can do that?

Andrew Largeman: I can try.

Sam: I haven't even lied in like, the past two days.

Andrew Largeman: Is that true?

Sam: No.

Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert

Albert: Yeah?

Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.

Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too .

Mark's Mom: Don't be shy, Tim, tell them what you said to me last night.

Tim: No...

Mark: Tell us what you said to her last night!

Tim: [In Klingon] Kiteeki maru, al fooksu.

Mark: You have got to be kidding me.

Mark's Mom: It means " I like to mate after battle."

Tim: That isn't what I said.

Mark's Mom: Yeah...

Tim: NO, that isn't the one I said! This one means "Kill Kirk".... and also, "hallelujah", depending on the context...

Largeman: Oh, you mean Gymnastics Tina? How did she do it?

Mark: I don't know. She isn't Jewish, I didn't bury her.

Karl Benson: I think it was painkillers. Or that car in the garage thing.

Cast

Zach Braff - Andrew Largeman
Natalie Portman - Sam
Peter Sarsgaard - Mark
Ian Holm - Gideon Largeman
Michael Weston - Kenny
Jean Smart - Carol
Jim Parsons - Tim
Ron Liebman - Dr. Cohen
Denis O'Hare - Albert

Quoternity