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Garfield

Garfield is a popular comic strip created by Jim Davis, as well as the name of the main character of the strip.

For quotes from the animated TV series based on the strip, see: Garfield and Friends.

Garfield

  • I hate Mondays!



































http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2007-ga070903
http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2008-ga080327

  • from "Garfield's Good Life Guide" in Readers' Digest ("RDPets," May 2007 issue, p. 226):
    • You never really own a cat. You can only make him happy and hope he won't leave you for someone better, like the pizza guy.
    • When I meet a new human, I know immediately whether he's a cat person. If he pets me and suffocates me with hugs, yuck! It's so over. But if he ignores me or is allergic or terrified, I find him irresistible.
    • If I bring you a dead rodent, I expect thanks. If you're not in the mood for a rodent, get in the mood. Appropriate responses: scratching behind my ear, praising me and putting the gift on some sort of pedestal or perhaps in a well-lit china cabinet.

Jon Arbuckle

  • GARFIIIIIELD!











Dialogues

  • Garfield: (Lying down on the table) No animal is more graceful than a cat.
(Looks at the camera,still lying down and then moves head back to original position)
Garfield: You'll have to take my word for it.
(18 Mar 2008) http://www.listen-project.de/garfield/index.php?date=18.03.2008&x=10&y=12

  • Garfield: (Sitting in the rain) It must be Monday. It's cold... It's dreary... It's raining...
(Pan out to reveal that Garfield is indoors.)
Garfield: Even inside the house.
(4 Mar 1991) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga910304

  • Jon: Our only thought is to entertain you.
Garfield: Feed Me.
(From the very first strip, 19 Jun 1978) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1978-ga780619

  • Jon: You should start each day with a smile.
Garfield: That's a pretty tall order. Couldn't I start with a smirk and work my way up?
(15 Jul 1991) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga910715

  • Jon: (To Garfield, suspiciously) Where's the filling to my sandwich?
Garfield: It's gone to food heaven.
(27 Feb 1991) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga910227

  • Jon: Do you know what I love about you, Garfield? You're so unpredictable.
In the space of a few seconds, Garfield, who had been lying peacefully on Jon's lap, rips off the sleeve of Jon's shirt, hits Jon in the face with a pie, yanks Jon's pants off his body, and kicks Jon's chair over backwards.
Jon: Me and my biiiiiiiig mouth.
(14 Jul 1991) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga910714

  • Garfield: If you can guess how many cookies are in this jar, you win the entire contents!
Jon: You ate them all, didn't you?
Garfield: WE HAVE A WINNER!
(1 Apr 1991) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga910401

  • Jon: You get the house filthy, and I clean it!
Garfield: Ah, the delicate balance of nature.
(2 Feb 1992) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1993-ga930202

  • Jon: I'm going to start you on your diet slowly, Garfield. For the rest of the week you may have no desserts.
Garfield: Fine and dandy. (Eyeing a double-layered cake) Helloooo, main course.
(22 July 1981) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1981-ga810722

  • Jon: It isn't healthy for a cat to be as big as you are, Garfield. Why, you could get heart disease, get fallen arches… get harpooned.
Garfield: Couldn't resist, could you.
(17 July 1981) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1981-ga810717

  • Jon: I have the last of the ice cream, Garfield.
Garfield: Fine.
Jon: I'm going to eat it, and you're not.
Garfield: Enjoy.
Garfield: I replaced it with lard.
(1 Dec 1989) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1989-ga891201

  • Jon: So, Doc, how's Garfield?
Liz: He'll live.
Jon: And how are my chances of getting a date?
Liz: I'm afraid they're terminal.
(1 Jun 1990) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1990-ga900601

  • Jon: Let's drink out of each other's glasses.
Jon's Date: How romantic!
Jon: Actually, my last date tried to poison me.
(9 Apr 1993) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1993-ga930409

  • Jon: It's a beautiful morning!
Garfield: Wake me in the ugly afternoon.
(2 Jan 1993) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1993-ga930102

  • Jon: Hey Garfield, I've decided to throw a party. I'll invite all of my friends. I'd better start making plans.
Garfield: …And friends.
(8 Dec 1986) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1986-ga861208

  • (Garfield brings Jon a snack.)
Jon: (Tossing a handful of the snacks into his mouth) Why, thank you, Garfield. … DOG FOOD?! QUICK! GIMME SOMETHING TO DRINK!:(Garfield brings Jon a bottle of…)
Jon: HOT SAUCE! I'M BURNING UP!
Jon: GOLDFISH WATER! ANTIDOTE! ANTIDOTE!
Jon: ARRRRGH! ANCHOVIES!
Garfield: (Grinning) This could go on for days.
(9 Nov 1986) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1986-ga861109

  • Jon: Reading a book of quotations "Time flies when you're having fun."
Garfield: Are you saying this day will never end?
(8 May 1991) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga910508

  • Garfield: Never fear, Jon. No mouse will ever get your cheese while I'm around! (Tossing the whole hunk of cheese into his own mouth) No sirree.
Jon: *Sigh*
(6 Nov 1991) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga911106

  • Jon: Garfield, there was a pan of lasagna here. Where's the lasagna?
Garfield: (Grinning) Resting comfortably.
Jon: Where's the pan?
Garfield: (Clutching his stomach) Resting not so comfortably.
(9 Feb 1990) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1990-ga900209

  • Lyman: What's your tennis racket strung with?
Jon: Catgut.
Garfield: (grabs the racket) Aunt Reba!!
(6 Jun 1979) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1979-ga790606

  • Jon (to the phone): I may not be rich, but remember this: money can't buy happiness.
Garfield: You rent it?!
(8 May 2006) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2006-ga060508

  • Garfield: (Standing atop Jon's easy chair) From this vantage point, I can survey all that I rule!
Odie walks by, as does Jon, wearing a T-shirt that says "Kiss Me," a pair of heart-print shorts, and bunny slippers.
Garfield: Sigh… I abdicate.
(20 May 1991) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga910520

  • Jon: Doc, how are you?
Liz: Fine
Jon: And how's your boyfriend?
Liz: I don't have a boy-
(Jon smiles)
Garfield: Lady, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Liz: -friend…
(26 Jun 2000) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2000-ga000626

  • Jon: I'm bored.
Garfield You're also boring. (smiles) You do it all!
(21 Nov 2000) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2000-ga001121

  • Jon: Quiet day today.
Garfield: Did I mention I rolled Odie up in a blanket and stuffed him onto the top shelf of the hall closet?
Jon: Very quiet.
Garfield: Quiet indeed…
(11 Sep 1993) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1993-ga930911

  • Garfield: Hey, Jon, what's new?
Jon: My life stinks.
Garfield: I said what's NEW?
(2 Aug 1993) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1993-ga930802

  • Jon: Somewhere out there is the woman for me!… hiding no doubt.
Garfield: That was MY line!
(29 Apr 2002) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2002-ga020429

  • Garfield: (bragging to Jon) I came within an eyelash of catching that pesky mouse today.
Mouse: I'm back from Hawaii!
Garfield: OK, so it was several eyelashes.
(17 Apr 1997) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1997-ga970417

  • Jon: How cute! Nermal brought me my newspaper! And my slippers and my pipe! What more could a man want?
Garfield: (dragging in a woman by her legs) How about a woman?
(25 Jan 1984) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1984-ga840125

  • Garfield: What a dismal day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
Jon: Good morning, Garfield. It's a beautiful day today.
Garfield: What a beautiful day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
(8 Mar 1982) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1982-ga820308

  • Jon: Having a girlfriend changes everything, Garfield. The ways things taste, the way things smell. I'm gonna have to change my socks more often.
Garfield: Especially the way things smell.
(8 Aug 2006) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2006-ga060808

  • Sign: Beware of Dog
(Garfield walks along)
Sign: Or visit me on the web at:
Sign 2 www. (sign goes off the page)
(14 Oct 2006) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2006-ga061014

  • Jon: I'm in the mood to party!… Or fold laundry.
Garfield: There's little difference in Jon's world.
(15 Aug 2006) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2006-ga060815

  • Phone (When Garfield picks up) May I speak to the head of the household?
Garfield No…
Phone Hello? Hello?
Garfield Cats can't talk.
(31 Jul 1996) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1996-ga960731

  • Phone (Garfield picks up) May I speak to the moron of the house?
Garfield (Looking over his shoulder, seeing Jon and Odie) Could you be more specific?
(26 Jun 1998) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1998-ga980626

  • Garfield sleeps at the doorway
Jon: (Walks in the door and trips over Garfield, spilling his shopping everywhere) ARRRRGH!
Jon GARFIELD! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE NEAR THE DOOR?!:Jon: (Gets up) I'm sick of tripping over you!
Garfield (Walks into the living room) All right! All right!
Jon: (Gets up and puts his shopping back into the bags) Why does this always happen to me?
Jon: (Walks into the living room and trips over Garfield again, spilling his shopping again) ARRRRGH!
Jon: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM?!
Garfield: (Puts paws on head) I can't win.
(7 Jun 1987) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1987-ga870607

  • Garfield is building a snowman
Jon: (Offscreen) Garfield, hurry up! I'm getting tired!
Garfield: Gripe, gripe, gripe.
Jon: (Offscreen) And I'm freezing, too!
Garfield: You can't rush art, you big crybaby.
Cut to Jon dressed as a "model" for Garfield's snowman, wearing a white cap and a fake carrot on his nose and with his arms spread out wide a la the twig arms on the snowman.
Jon: The things I do for my pets.
Garfield: Hold still.
(10 Jan 1992) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1992-ga920110

  • Jon: Garfield, why aren't women attracted to me?
Garfield snatches Jon's coffee cup
Jon: Hey! That's my Binky the Clown cup! (Throws temper tantrum) MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!
Garfield: I think I've isolated your problem.
(18 Nov 1991) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga911118

  • Jon: So, doc, how's Garfield?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: And how's Odie?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: And how are you?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: Okay if I pay by check?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: How about a date?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: (Cheering) YEEESS!! YEEESS!!
Liz: THAT'S CHEATING!
Garfield: If you can't attract 'em, trick 'em.
Odie: ?
(13 Oct 1991) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1991-ga911013

  • Jon is whistling offscreen, there is a plate of 4 cookies on the table and Garfield walks in with a cup of coffee
Jon: (Offscreen) Okay, here we go....Aaannnd... (Garfield picks up a cookie)
A loud crash is heard. Garfield takes a bite out of the cookie.
Jon: (Offscreen) Okay, okay, I know what I did wrong... Let's try that againnnnn... (Garfield takes a sip of coffee)
Something falls over, creating a second crash, glass breaks and there is a small tinkling noise is heard. Garfield finishes the cookie.
Jon: (Offscreen) ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY... YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP OR ELSE!! (Garfield takes another sip of coffee)
Something falls over again, creating a third crash.
Jon: (Offscreen) AAARRRGGHH!
Garfield: Christmas Tree: 3. Jon: 0.
(6 Dec 1998) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1998-ga981206

  • Jon: (Watching Garfield eat) You know, Garfield... I wouldn't say you're fat, but...
Jon is shown with Garfield's food bowl lodged in his mouth.
Garfield: Then don't.
(2 Jun 1987) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1987-ga870602

  • Garfield: (Showing a single cat hair to Jon) This is all I'll be shedding today.
He leaves the hair on the table and walks away.
Jon: I dread tomorrow.
(10 Oct 2002) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2002-ga021010

  • Jon: (Showing a plate of food to Garfield) Garfield, see what this tastes like.
Garfield: (Sampling the food) Tastes like an old hyena!
Jon: It's old hyena.
Garfield: Then why don't I feel like laughing?
(24 May 1995) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1995-ga950524

  • Jon: (On the phone) Hello, Evelyn? This is Jon Arbuckle. Would you care to join me in a little fine dining this evening? I know this cozy little out-of-the-way seafood bistro... Wonderful food... Great atmosphere... Pardon? Stinky Bob's Sushi Bar and Bait Shack.
Garfield: Cue the crushing rejection.
(1 Sep 2002) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2002-ga020901

  • Jon and Garfield are racing for the last hot dog. Jon reaches it first.
Jon: HA! BEAT YOU TO IT!...Uh, Garfield, would you mind taking your claws out of my hand?
Garfield: Give me a good reason.
(25 Jan 1990) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1990-ga900125

  • Jon: Why don't you ever listen to me?
Garfield: Huh?
Jon: Why don't you ever agree with me?
Garfield: That's not true.
Jon: Why don't you show me any respect?
Garfield: I do... bonehead.
Jon: Why don't you ever show affection?
Garfield: Catch me around a mirror sometime.
Jon: Why don't you cause me so much grief?!
Garfield: Because I'm a cat.
Jon: And why do I still love you anyway?
Garfield: See previous answer.
(06 Oct 2002) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2002-ga021006

  • Jon: Two steak dinners, and make mine medium.
Irma: And your buddy's?
Garfield: Moo.
Jon: Rare.
Irma: Check.
(04 Mar 2002) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2002-ga020304

  • Jon's mom: (reading a photo album) Here's you, Jonny, in the first grade.
Doc Boy: Awwww...
Jon's mom: And here's Doc Boy, running naked through the soybeans.
Jon: When was that taken?
Jon's mom: This summer.
Jon: (mockingly) Awwww!
(16 Dec 1993) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1993-ga931216

  • (A spider hits Garfield with one of his legs, so Garfield squishes him with a newspaper, leaving it on top of him.)
Spider: Hey! What happened to "The Far Side"?
(17 May 1995) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1995-ga950517

  • (Jon is talking to Garfield.)
Jon: I'm trying to decide which would be more exercise: Running around the block... Or running around you.
(Garfield now has an angry look on his face, and is showing his claws to Jon.)
Garfield: How about running from me, smart guy?
(18 Mar 2003) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2003-ga030318

  • Jon: Cats are mysterious creatures.
Garfield wheels past him on a unicycle, while wearing a pair of underwear on his head, flapping his right arm like a chicken, and holding a pennant that says "I Like Ike" in his left hand.
Jon: And scary.
(30 Nov 1998) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1998-ga981130

  • Jon: Just one bite of chicken and that's it, Garfield.
Garfield opens his mouth wide and puts the entire bird inside.
Jon: If you swallow, I'll tie a knot in your neck.
(24 Dec 1979) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1979-ga791224

  • Jon and Garfield are just about to leave the farm.
Jon: Thanks, Mom. We really ha-
Mom: (interrupting) How about taking some food with you?
Jon: Well... maybe just a...
Mom: (interrupting again) Dad!
Cut to Mom tying something big to the roof of the car, while Garfield looks on, clearly pleased.
Dad: Hey, Doc Boy! I think that side of beef will fit in the trunk!
(11 Nov 1989) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1989-ga891111

  • Jon: (brandishing a letter) This came in the mail for you.
He takes the letter out of the envelope and reads it.
Jon: Maybe now you'll consider dieting. You've been classified as a small planet!
Garfield: Cool!
(15 Apr 2004) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?2004-ga040415

  • Jon: Do you think glasses would make me look smarter?
Garfield: Let's find out. (leaves, then returns, wearing glasses)
Garfield: No, you still look stupid.
(5 Sep 1997) http://garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1997-ga970905

  • Jon: I'm starting your diet, Garfield. How would you like this head of cabbage prepared?
Garfield: Deep-fry that sucker.
Jon: Boiled it is.
Garfield: What we have here is a failure to communicate.
(4 July 1979) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1979-ga790704

  • (Garfield chases Odie up a tree.)
Jon: Odie! Dogs can't climb trees!
Garfield: It's amazing what one can do when one doesn't know what one can't do.

  • Jon: Hey, Garfield, how are you going to get out of that tree?
Garfield: (bounces off of Jon and Odie's heads) Why, by using my head... and Jon's, and Odie's.

  • Mouse: (running) Help! I am frightened of that big, strong cat!
Jon looks confused by what the mouse said, then he turns and glares at Garfield, who's holding up a cue card that reads "Help! I am frightened of that big, strong cat!"
Garfield: What?
(15 Jan 2004) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?2004-ga040115

  • Jon: (while walking out the front door, carrying a surfboard and a beach ball, and wearing flippers) Got my beach ball, got my fins, got my surfboard...
Woman: (offscreen) EEK!! (Jon looks down in shock)
Garfield: I'll get your trunks...
(10 July 1997) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1997-ga970710

  • Jon: (groggy, and holding a tube of toothpaste) Where's my toothbrush? (Garfield hands him a toilet brush) Thank you. (proceeds to brush his teeth with the toilet brush)
Garfield: (smiling with delight) These are the memories that last a lifetime.
(6 Oct 1989) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1989-ga891006

  • Jon: Garfield's in for a big surprise. I put an alarm on the refrigerator. (In the background, Garfield is seen running into the kitchen.) That's the first rule for successfully living with a cat. (Garfield looks at Jon from around the corner.) You must be smarter than the cat. (Garfield is seen in the background, carrying the refrigerator, which is now unplugged, on his back.)
(31 Aug 1983) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1983-ga830831

  • (Garfield is asleep in bed.)
Odie: BARK! (wakes Garfield up)
Garfield: Oh, yeah, it's Christmas morning. This morning, I have to get up early, be nice to people, skip breakfast...
Odie: Urf!
Jon: (holding Garfield) I love you, Garfield!
Garfield: I wish it would never end.
(25 Dec 1988) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1988-ga881225

  • Jon: Meow. Meow. Okay, what did I just say to you, Garfield?
Garfield: You said "Meow," you idiot.
(14 Jan 1998) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1998-ga980114

  • (Jon is on the phone. He looks behind him, then resumes talking.)
Jon: Hi, I'd like to order a pizza...
(He looks behind him again.)
Jon: ...with everything on it...
(...and again.)
Jon: ...and do you have anything bigger than a large, you dork?
Garfield: (holding a cue card that reads "Bigger than a large, you dork") Oops...
(18 Sep 2005) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?2005-ga050918

  • Garfield: (running to Jon) I had nothing to do with it!
(beat, then something falls offscreen, creating a thud.)
Garfield: (facepalm) Timing, Garfield, timing!
(17 Oct 1997) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1997-ga971017

  • Jon: (showing Dad his bathroom) Here it is, Dad; a modern bathroom with all the conveniences.
Dad: I know that! What kind of rube do you think I am?
(Jon walks out of the bathroom... and immediately hears a loud crack.)
Dad: (offscreen) MODERN CONVENIENCES, HA! CHEAP, YOU MEAN!
(Jon looks back into the bathroom... and sees a huge fountain of water coming out of the sink.)
Dad: (holding the faucet in his hand) Pumped the handle twice and it snapped like a twig!
(28 Jan 1988) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1988-ga880128

  • (Jon is sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. He hears the doorbell ring, then walks to the front door and opens it. To his surprise, it's Garfield.)
Jon: Garfield, cats don't ring doorbells when they want in.
Garfield: Fine... (re-exits the house)
(Heavy scratching is heard at the door, then Garfield walks back inside. Much to Jon's chagrin, the front door is covered in claw marks.)
Garfield: Happy now?
(27 Mar 1994) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1994-ga940327

  • Garfield: (standing in a field on a sunny day) Ah, nature!
(A thunderstorm suddenly begins. Later, Garfield is seen inside, soaking wet, and glaring at Jon.)
Garfield: Did you forget to pay the nature bill?
(7 Nov 2002) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?2002-ga021107

  • (It is the middle of the night. Garfield walks to the refrigerator and opens it, but no light is seen.)
Garfield: Hmmm... the little light in the refrigerator has burned out. (walks to the drawer, carrying the tiny bulb.) This dinky thing was never bright enough anyway... (holding a regular-sized lightbulb) Better.
(Later that night, Jon is seen walking to the fridge.)
Jon: A snack should help me sleep...
(Cut to an exterior view of the house, shown from across the street. Jon opens the refrigerator door, and the house is immediately illuminated with a very, very bright light.)
Jon: GARFIELD!!
(10 July 1994) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?1994-ga940710

  • (Garfield is walking with Odie, who has a bone in his mouth. They eventually arrive at the edge of a cliff.)
Garfield: Here's a good spot to bury your bone, Odie!
(Odie is seen digging into the cliff, as a content Garfield walks away.)
Garfield: I love my job.
(24 June 2009) http://www.garfield.com/comics/comic_archives_strip.html?2009-ga090624
 
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