Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is the fifth book in the Harry Potter series, written by J.K. Rowling. It was first published in 2003.
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Lord Voldemort: By which time I shall be gone, and you will be dead.
Albus Dumbledore: I know how you're feeling, Harry.
Harry Potter: No, you don't.
Phineas Nigellus: You see, Dumbledore? Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own -
Albus Dumbledore: That's enough, Phineas.
Regarding Thestrals
Luna Lovegood: It's all right. You're not going mad or anything. I can see them, too.
Harry Potter: Can you?
Luna Lovegood: Oh, yes. I've been able to see them ever since my first day here. They've always pulled the carriages. Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am
Phineas Nigellus: I have a message for you from Albus Dumbledore.
Harry Potter: What is it?
Phineas: Stay where you are.
Harry: I haven't moved! So what's the message?
Phineas: I have just given it to you, dolt. Stay where you are.
Harry: Why? Why does he want me to stay? What else did he say?
Phineas: Nothing whatsoever.
Harry: So that's it, is it? [loudly] "Stay where you are"? That's all anyone could tell me after I got attacked by those dementors too. Just stay put while the grown-ups sort it out, Harry! We won't bother telling you anything, though, because your tiny little brain won't be able to cope with it!
Phineas: You know, this is precisely why I loathed being a teacher! Young people are so infernally convinced that they are absolutely right about everything. Has it not occurred to you, my poor puffed-up popinjay that there might be an excellent reason why the headmaster of Hogwarts is not confiding every tiny detail of his plans to you? Have you never paused, while feeling hard-done-by, to note that following Dumbledore's orders has never yet lead you into harm? No. No, like all young people, you are quite sure that you alone feel and think, you alone recognise danger, you alone are the only one clever enough to realise what the Dark Lord may be planning -
Harry: He is planning something to do with me, then?
Phineas: Did I say that? Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than listening to adolescent agonising... good-day to you.
Phineas Nigellus: Oh, no, Dumbledore, I am too tired tonight.
Corpulent red-nosed wizard: Insubordination, Sir! Dereliction of duty!
Armando Dippet: We are honour-bound to give service to the present Headmaster of Hogwarts!
Gimlet-eyed witch: Shall I persuade him, Dumbledore? [raising an unusually thick wand]
Phineas: Oh very well. [eyeing the wand with mild apprehension]
Hermione Granger: Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you....
Harry Potter: Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?
Dolores Umbridge: Potter has as much chance of becoming an Auror as Dumbledore has of ever returning to this school.
Minerva McGonagall: A very good chance, then.
Ginny Weasley: And you won't look at any of us!
Harry Potter: It's you lot who won't look at me!
Hermione Granger: Maybe you're taking it in turns to look, and keep missing each other.
Mrs. Weasley: I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!
George Weasley: What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?
Portrait: 'Tis a most grievous affliction of the skin, young master, that will leave you pockmarked and more gruesome even than you are now -
Ron Weasley: Watch who you're calling gruesome!
Portrait: - the only remedy is to take the liver of a toad, bind it tight about your throat, stand naked at the full moon in a barrel of eel's eyes -
Ron Weasley: I have not got spattergroit!
Portrait: But the unsightly blemishes upon your visage, young master -
Ron Weasley: They're freckles! Now get back in your own Portrait and leave me alone!
Ron Weasley: I had a dream about Quidditch last night. What do you think that means?
Harry Potter: I dunno. Probably means you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something.
Uncle Vernon: What were you doing under our window, boy?
Harry Potter: Listening to the news.
Uncle Vernon: Listening to the news! Again?
Harry: Well, it changes every day, you see.
Cornelius Fudge: You will now be escorted back to the Ministry, where you will be formally charged, then sent to Azkaban to await trial!
Albus Dumbledore: Ah. Yes. Yes, I thought we might hit that little snag.
Cornelius Fudge: Snag? I see no snag, Dumbledore!
Albus Dumbledore: Well, I'm afraid I do.
Cornelius Fudge: Oh, really?
Albus Dumbledore: Well - it's just that you seem to be labouring under the delusion that I am going to- what is the phrase? - come quietly. I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius. I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out, of course - but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing.
Phineas Nigellus Black [portrait]: You know, Minister... I disagree with Dumbledore on many counts... but you can't deny he's got style. [After Dumbledore overcomes the Minister for Magic, Dolores Umbridge and two other Aurors, and escapes]
Ron Weasley: You know what? We could order anything we liked in here, I bet that bloke would sell us anything, he wouldn't care. I've always wanted to try firewhiskey-
Hermione Granger: You-are-a-prefect!
Ron Weasley: Oh. Yeah.
Fred Weasley: Give her hell from us, Peeves.
Narrator: And Peeves, who Harry had never seen take an order from a student before swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled about to tumultuous applause from the students below and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset.
Fred Weasley: Do mine ears deceive me? Hogwarts prefects surely don't wish to skive off lessons?
Ron Weasley: Look what we've got today. That's the worst Monday I've ever seen.
Fred Weasley: Fair point, little bro. You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you like.
Ron Weasley: Why's it cheap?
George Weasley: Because you'll keep bleeding till you shrivel up, we haven't got an antidote yet.
Ron Weasley: Cheers, but I think I'll take the lessons.
Ron Weasley: Hope this clears up... What's up with you, Hermione?
Hermione Granger: Just thinking...
Harry Potter: About Siri... Snuffles?
Hermione Granger: No... not exactly... More... wondering... I suppose we're doing the right thing... I think... aren't we?
Ron Weasley: Well, that clears that up. It would have been really annoying if you hadn't explained yourself properly.
Hermione Granger: There was some important stuff hidden in the waffle.
Ron Weasley.: Was there?
Hermione Granger: How about: "progress for progress's sake must be discouraged"? How about: "pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited"?
Ron Weasley: Well, what does that mean?
Hermione Granger: I'll tell you what it means. It means the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts.
Ron Weasley: I knew it! You always get away with stuff.
Hermione Granger: They were bound to clear you. There was no case against you, none at all...
Harry Potter: Everyone seems quite relieved, thought, considering they all knew I'd get off.
Fred, George, and Ginny Weasley:[doing a kind of war dance to a chant that went] He got off, he got off, he got off--
Dumbledore, Albus
- Youth can not know how age thinks and feels, but old men are guilty, if they forget what it was to be young. And I seem to have forgotten, lately...
- I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out, of course - but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing.
Black, Sirius
- Of course, he might have crawled into the airing cupboard and died... but I mustn't get my hopes up.
- Keep muttering and I will be a murderer! [To Kreacher, calling Sirius a murderer to himself.]
- [Kreacher- ...the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black-] And it's getting blacker everyday! It's filthy!
- [To Kreacher, and taken very literally] GET OUT!
Granger, Hermione
- Thanks for the book Harry! I've been wanting that New Theory of Numerology for ages! And that perfume is really unusual, Ron.
- You … this isn't a criticism, Harry! But you do … sort of … I mean—don't you think you've got a bit of—a—saving-people thing?
- Ron, you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet.
- Ron, just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.
- [On how Ginny's flying and seeking abilities were so good] She's been breaking into your broom shed in the garden since the age of six and taking each of your brooms out in turn when you weren't looking.
- But there are twenty-eight of us and none of us is an Animagus, so we wouldn't need so much an Invisibility Cloak as an Invisibility Marquee
Lovegood, Luna
- You can laugh! But people used to believe that there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack.
- [To Harry, about the Thestrals] I've been able to see them ever since my first day here. Don't worry, you're just as sane as I am.
[Professor] McGonagall, Minerva
- [talking to Peeves who was trying to sabotage a chandelier] It unscrews the other way.
- Well, usually when a person shakes their head," said McGonagall coldly, "they mean 'no.' So unless Miss Edgecombe is using a form of sign language as yet unknown to humans --
- I wonder, how you can expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking.
- I should have made my meaning plainer. He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher.
- Are you quite sure you wouldn't like a cough drop, Dolores?
[Professor] Snape, Severus
- Crabbe, loosen your hold a little. If Longbottom suffocates it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork and I am afraid I shall have to mention it on your reference if ever you apply for a job.
- Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked so easily - weak people in other words-...
- The mind is not a book to be read.
Potter, Harry
- That's what they should teach us here how girls' brains work ... it'd be more useful than Divination, anyway ...
- Women...
- [Harry thinks] The silence was unbearable to him. if the pictures could have reflected the feelings inside him, they would have been screaming in pain.
- "So, according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord did he?"
Tonks, Nymphadora
- Very clean, aren't they, these Muggles? My dad's Muggle-born and he's a right old slob. I suppose it varies, just as it does with wizards?
- Ah well...wand still in your jeans? Both buttocks still on? OK, let's go. Locomotor trunk.
- ARE YOU MAD, MAD-EYE?
- If you shout his name I will curse you into oblivion.
Umbridge, Dolores
- I'm sure I must have misunderstood you, Professor Dumbledore, so silly of me. But it sounded for a teensy moment as though you were suggesting that the Ministry of Magic had ordered an attack on this boy!
- Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited.
- The Cruciatus Curse ought to loosen your tongue.
- The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance.The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the wizarding community must be passed down the generations lest we lose them for ever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded, replenished and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching.Every headmaster and headmistress of Hogwarts has brought something new to the wheighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress's sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering. A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and change, between tradition and innovation because some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognised as errors of judgement. Meanwhile, some old habits will be retained, and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned. Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited.
Weasley, Ronald
- One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode.
- From now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell, 'Die, Ron, die,' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong.
- We've got about as much chance of winning the Quidditch cup this year as dad's got of becoming Minister of Magic.…
- Hermione, we've been through this before.… We're not going through every exam afterward; it's bad enough doing them once.
- [talking to Zacharias Smith] Here's an idea, why don't you shut your mouth!
- You should write a book. Translating mad things girls do so boys can understand them.
- Shut your face.
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Dialogue
Albus Dumbledore: It was foolish of you to come here tonight Tom. The Aurors are on their way.Lord Voldemort: By which time I shall be gone, and you will be dead.
Albus Dumbledore: I know how you're feeling, Harry.
Harry Potter: No, you don't.
Phineas Nigellus: You see, Dumbledore? Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own -
Albus Dumbledore: That's enough, Phineas.
Regarding Thestrals
Luna Lovegood: It's all right. You're not going mad or anything. I can see them, too.
Harry Potter: Can you?
Luna Lovegood: Oh, yes. I've been able to see them ever since my first day here. They've always pulled the carriages. Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am
Phineas Nigellus: I have a message for you from Albus Dumbledore.
Harry Potter: What is it?
Phineas: Stay where you are.
Harry: I haven't moved! So what's the message?
Phineas: I have just given it to you, dolt. Stay where you are.
Harry: Why? Why does he want me to stay? What else did he say?
Phineas: Nothing whatsoever.
Harry: So that's it, is it? [loudly] "Stay where you are"? That's all anyone could tell me after I got attacked by those dementors too. Just stay put while the grown-ups sort it out, Harry! We won't bother telling you anything, though, because your tiny little brain won't be able to cope with it!
Phineas: You know, this is precisely why I loathed being a teacher! Young people are so infernally convinced that they are absolutely right about everything. Has it not occurred to you, my poor puffed-up popinjay that there might be an excellent reason why the headmaster of Hogwarts is not confiding every tiny detail of his plans to you? Have you never paused, while feeling hard-done-by, to note that following Dumbledore's orders has never yet lead you into harm? No. No, like all young people, you are quite sure that you alone feel and think, you alone recognise danger, you alone are the only one clever enough to realise what the Dark Lord may be planning -
Harry: He is planning something to do with me, then?
Phineas: Did I say that? Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than listening to adolescent agonising... good-day to you.
Phineas Nigellus: Oh, no, Dumbledore, I am too tired tonight.
Corpulent red-nosed wizard: Insubordination, Sir! Dereliction of duty!
Armando Dippet: We are honour-bound to give service to the present Headmaster of Hogwarts!
Gimlet-eyed witch: Shall I persuade him, Dumbledore? [raising an unusually thick wand]
Phineas: Oh very well. [eyeing the wand with mild apprehension]
Hermione Granger: Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you....
Harry Potter: Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?
Dolores Umbridge: Potter has as much chance of becoming an Auror as Dumbledore has of ever returning to this school.
Minerva McGonagall: A very good chance, then.
Ginny Weasley: And you won't look at any of us!
Harry Potter: It's you lot who won't look at me!
Hermione Granger: Maybe you're taking it in turns to look, and keep missing each other.
Mrs. Weasley: I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!
George Weasley: What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?
Portrait: 'Tis a most grievous affliction of the skin, young master, that will leave you pockmarked and more gruesome even than you are now -
Ron Weasley: Watch who you're calling gruesome!
Portrait: - the only remedy is to take the liver of a toad, bind it tight about your throat, stand naked at the full moon in a barrel of eel's eyes -
Ron Weasley: I have not got spattergroit!
Portrait: But the unsightly blemishes upon your visage, young master -
Ron Weasley: They're freckles! Now get back in your own Portrait and leave me alone!
Ron Weasley: I had a dream about Quidditch last night. What do you think that means?
Harry Potter: I dunno. Probably means you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something.
Uncle Vernon: What were you doing under our window, boy?
Harry Potter: Listening to the news.
Uncle Vernon: Listening to the news! Again?
Harry: Well, it changes every day, you see.
Cornelius Fudge: You will now be escorted back to the Ministry, where you will be formally charged, then sent to Azkaban to await trial!
Albus Dumbledore: Ah. Yes. Yes, I thought we might hit that little snag.
Cornelius Fudge: Snag? I see no snag, Dumbledore!
Albus Dumbledore: Well, I'm afraid I do.
Cornelius Fudge: Oh, really?
Albus Dumbledore: Well - it's just that you seem to be labouring under the delusion that I am going to- what is the phrase? - come quietly. I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius. I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out, of course - but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing.
Phineas Nigellus Black [portrait]: You know, Minister... I disagree with Dumbledore on many counts... but you can't deny he's got style. [After Dumbledore overcomes the Minister for Magic, Dolores Umbridge and two other Aurors, and escapes]
Ron Weasley: You know what? We could order anything we liked in here, I bet that bloke would sell us anything, he wouldn't care. I've always wanted to try firewhiskey-
Hermione Granger: You-are-a-prefect!
Ron Weasley: Oh. Yeah.
Fred Weasley: Give her hell from us, Peeves.
Narrator: And Peeves, who Harry had never seen take an order from a student before swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled about to tumultuous applause from the students below and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset.
Fred Weasley: Do mine ears deceive me? Hogwarts prefects surely don't wish to skive off lessons?
Ron Weasley: Look what we've got today. That's the worst Monday I've ever seen.
Fred Weasley: Fair point, little bro. You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you like.
Ron Weasley: Why's it cheap?
George Weasley: Because you'll keep bleeding till you shrivel up, we haven't got an antidote yet.
Ron Weasley: Cheers, but I think I'll take the lessons.
Ron Weasley: Hope this clears up... What's up with you, Hermione?
Hermione Granger: Just thinking...
Harry Potter: About Siri... Snuffles?
Hermione Granger: No... not exactly... More... wondering... I suppose we're doing the right thing... I think... aren't we?
Ron Weasley: Well, that clears that up. It would have been really annoying if you hadn't explained yourself properly.
Hermione Granger: There was some important stuff hidden in the waffle.
Ron Weasley.: Was there?
Hermione Granger: How about: "progress for progress's sake must be discouraged"? How about: "pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited"?
Ron Weasley: Well, what does that mean?
Hermione Granger: I'll tell you what it means. It means the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts.
Ron Weasley: I knew it! You always get away with stuff.
Hermione Granger: They were bound to clear you. There was no case against you, none at all...
Harry Potter: Everyone seems quite relieved, thought, considering they all knew I'd get off.
Fred, George, and Ginny Weasley:[doing a kind of war dance to a chant that went] He got off, he got off, he got off--
Other
- [the scars on Harry's hand read:] I must not tell lies.
- Notes: Harry pointedly refers to these scars in later books when arguing with The Minister for Magic.