How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (film) Quotations

For the 1966 animated cartoon, see How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (TV special).

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), directed by Ron Howard, book by Dr. Seuss, screenplay by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman.

Grinch

YES! Down another size and a half! And this time, I'll keep it off
Bleeding hearts of the world unite!
Tick tock tick tock. Counting down the Christmas clock. Old, young, big, small... AAAAHHHHHHHH!! Blast this Christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant!
Sufferin' snorkel blatz! They're relentless!
Nice kid...baaaaaaaaaaaaad judge of character!
Uh-oh, somebody's FABULOUS!
Mistletoe. Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville!
Oh, the Who-manity!
Taxi! It's because I'm green, isn't it?!
Evening, folks. Mind if I ride along? You might wanna scooch over? You did the right thing.
The nerve of those Whos! Inviting me down there. On such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! 4:00, wallow in self pity. 4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, Jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me; I can't cancel that again! 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?!
It's not a dress; it's a kilt! Sicko!
Stupid! Ugly! Out-of-date! This is ridiculous! If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going!
Ooh. Ahhh! Mmmm...That's it, I'm not going!
All right! I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me, grab a handful of popcorn shrimp and blow outta there. But what if it's a cruel prank?! What if it's a cash bar?! How dare they! All right, I'll go. But I shall have to late. No! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No, definitely not. All right! I've made my decision! I'm going! And that's that! Ah! Had my fingers crossed.
Maybe I should flip a coin!
One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri! I dunno, it's some kind of soup!
This is his, now it's yours. And this is hers, now it's his. And for the rest of you... Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty!
All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas, you're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending; way too commercial. ACTION! BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism! Why didn't I think of that?! Cut, print, check the gate, moving on!
Are you two still living?!
Uh, uh, uh! Fleas before beauty, thank you!
Are you having a holly...jolly...Christ-mas? WRONGO!!!!
Am I just eating because I'm bored?!

Dialogue

Grinch: Any calls?

Answering Machine: [electronic voice] You have no messages.

Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing!

Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!!!!!!! If you'd like to fax me, press the "star" key!

Grinch: Hmm. Hmm! Oh, well.

Grinch: Play, monkey! Play! La-la-la-la-la-la!! OWIE!

Cindy Lou: Mr. Grinch?

Grinch: Hello.......little girl. How dare you enter the Grinch's lair?! The impudence! The audacity! The unmitigated gall! You've called down the thunder, now, get ready for the boom! Gaze into the face... of fear! BOOGA-BOOGA!

Cindy Lou:Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.

Grinch: You see?! Even now, the terror is welling up inside you...

Cindy Lou: I'm not scared.

Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of... pure evil.

Cindy Lou: I don't think so!

Grinch: Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're doomed! (jumps out of frame then jumps back in wearing a white t-shirt and making animalistic noises, ripping the shirt apart.) Run for your life... Before I kill again!!! I'm a psycho! Danger! Da-a-a-a-nger!

Cindy Lou: Um...maybe you need a time-out.

Grinch: (aside) Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. (to Cindy) What do you want?!

Narrator: So, whatever the reason, his head or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos.

Grinch: (brings out the book of citizens of Whoville) Alphabetically! Aadvarkian Abakenezer-Who, I... HATE YOU!! Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!

Cindy Lou: Santa, what's Christmas really about?

Grinch: VENGEANCE! Er...I mean...presents, I suppose.

Narrator: The Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast, and they'd feast, and they'd feast.

Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast!! They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast! But there's something I just cannot stand in least… Oh no. I'm speaking in RHYME! BLAST YOU, WHO'S!!

Narrator: And the more the Grinch thought of this Christmas bring, The more the Grinch thought,...

Grinch: I must stop this whole thing! Year after year, I've been put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?! I mean...in what way?!

Grinch: I'll tell ya, Max! I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need...right here! Hello!

Echo: Hello! Hello! Hello!

Grinch: How are you?!

Echo: How are you?! How are you?!

Grinch: I asked you first!

Echo: I asked you first! I asked you first!

Grinch: Oh, that's really mature, saying exactly what I say!

Echo: Mature, mature, saying exactly what I say!

Grinch: I'm an idiot!

Echo: You're an idiot!

Grinch: (whispering) All right, fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls, and gets back to me, (covers his ears) I won't be able to hear it!

Echo: You're an idiot!

Narrator: The Grinch laughed at his throat.

Grinch: Ha.

Narrator: As he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat! He chuckled and clucked at this great grinchy trick...

Grinch: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! HO HO HO!

Cindy Lou Who: You're the-the-the-the...

Grinch: "The-the-the..." The Grinch!

Cindy Lou Who: AAAAAAAAAH!

Grinch: Well, that worked out nicely!

Cindy Lou: Thanks for saving me.

Grinch: Saving you? Is that what you think I was doing?! Wrong-o. I was merley noticing that you were improperly packaged, my dear! Hold still! Max! Pick out a bow! Can I use your finger for a second?

Major cast

Jim Carrey — Grinch
Taylor Momsen — Cindy Lou Who
Jeffrey Tambor — Mayor Augustus Maywho
Christine Baranski — Martha May Whovier
Bill Irwin — Lou Lou Who
Molly Shannon — Betty Lou Who
Clint Howard — Whobris

Quoternity