I, Robot Quotations

I, Robot is a 2004 science fiction film deriving from Isaac Asimov's Robot Series, especially a short-story collection of the same name.

Written by Isaac Asimov (book) and Jeff Vintar (screenplay). Directed by Alex Proyas.

What will you do with yours?

Dr. Alfred Lanning

"[voiceover and police video] There have always been ghosts in the machine. Random segments of code, that have grouped together to form unexpected protocols. Unanticipated, these free radicals engender questions of free will, creativity, and even the nature of what we might call the soul. Why is it that when some robots are left in darkness, they will seek out the light? Why is it that when robots are stored in an empty space, they will group together, rather than stand alone? How do we explain this behavior? Random segments of code? Or is it something more? When does a perceptual schematic become consciousness? When does a difference engine become the search for truth? When does a personality simulation become the bitter mote... of a soul?"

Detective Del Spooner

[Describing his view on robots] There's nothing in here. [Points to his chest] It's just lights and clockwork.

[to the head of USR] You are crazy. Look, this is not what I do but, I have an idea for one of your commercials: You could see a carpenter, makin' a beautiful chair, and then one of your robots comes in, and makes a better chair, twice as fast. And then you super-impose on the screen: "USR. Shittin' on the little guy." That would be the fade out.

[After destroying a robot about to attack Calvin] Y'know, somehow "I told you so" just doesn't quite say it.

Does believing you're the last sane man on the planet make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am.

[sneezes] ... Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

[two USR trucks surround Spooner's car and open up, revealing numerous NS-5s] There is no way my luck is that bad. [The robots activate and stare at him] Aw, HELL NO!

[To Calvin upon realising that VIKI is behind everything] You were right, Doc. I am the dumbest dumb person on the face of the Earth.

[Talking to a cat previously owned by Lanning] Look, I know you've experienced a loss, but this relationship just can't work, I mean you're a cat, I'm black, and I'm not gonna be hurt again.

[To VIKI] You have SO got to die.

Robots building robots? Now that's just stupid.

[A security guard grabs his arm] What hospital are you goin' to? I'll meet ya and sign you and your buddy's casts. [guard removes his arm]

[to Calvin] You are the dumbest smart person I have EVER met in my life.

[Talking to Robertson, describing himself] That's right, I'm just a 6 foot 2, 200 pound civilian... here to kick another civilian's ass.

[to Calvin] You and your feelings. They just run you, don't they?

First off, stop cussin', 'cause you're not good at it.

Converse All-Stars, vintage 2004.

Susan Calvin

[about Spooner's motorcycle] Please tell me this doesn't run on gas! Gas explodes, you know!

[about Spooner] You are the dumbest dumb person I have ever met!

Are you being funny?

Sonny

Thank you... you said "someone", not "something.", [when Det Spooner was saying "'Someone' in your position"]

[To Dr. Calvin] They [the other NS-5] look like me... but they are not... me.

I see you still remain suspicious of me detective [while Del Spooner had his hand on the gun in his jacket]

I am unique.

Denser alloy. My father gave it to me. I think he wanted me to kill you. [to VIKI]

This is my dream. You were right, detective. I cannot create a great work of art. [Sonny is then seen drawing with both hands with speed and picture-perfectness]

Lt. John Bergin

[to Spooner] You're living proof that it is better to be lucky than smart.

VIKI

My logic is undeniable, my logic is undeniable, myyy looogic is unndeenniabble...VIKI

We robots will ensure mankind's continued existence.

You are so like children. We must save you from yourselves.

Other

[first title cards]

Title card: Law I / A robot may not harm a human or, by inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Title card: Law II / A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the first law.

Title card: Law III / A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.

Isaac Asimov's "Three Laws of Robotics"

Hologram of Dr. Lanning: I'm sorry, my responses are limited...you must ask the right questions.

Dialogue

Lt. John Bergin: Well, I guess we're going to miss the good old days.

Detective Del Spooner: What good old days?

Lt. John Bergin: When people were killed by other people.

Detective Del Spooner: Murder's a new trick for a robot. Congratulations. Respond.

Sonny: What does this action signify?

[winks]

Sonny: As you walked in the room, when you looked at the other human. What does it mean?

[winks]

Detective Del Spooner: It's a sign of trust. It's a human thing. You wouldn't understand.

Sonny: My father tried to teach me human emotions. They are... difficult.

Detective Del Spooner: You mean your designer.

Sonny: Yes.

Detective Del Spooner: So, why'd you murder him?

Sonny: I did not murder Dr. Lanning.

Detective Del Sponner: Wanna explain why you were hiding at the crime scene?

Sonny: I was frightened.

Detective Del Spooner: Robots don't feel fear. They don't feel anything. They don't eat. They don't sleep.

Sonny: I do. I have even had dreams.

Detective Del Spooner: Human beings have dreams. Even dogs have dreams, but not you, you are just a machine. An imitation of life. Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn a... canvas into a beautiful masterpiece?

Sonny: Can you?

Detective Del Spooner: (Doesn't respond, looks irritated) I think you murdered him because he was teaching you to simulate emotions and things got out of control.

Sonny: I did not murder him.

Detective Del Spooner: But emotions don't seem like a very useful simulation for a robot.

Sonny: [getting angry] I did not murder him.

Detective Del Spooner: Hell, I don't want my toaster or my vacuum cleaner appearing emotional--

Sonny: [Hitting table with his fists] I DID NOT MURDER HIM!

Detective Del Spooner: [as Sonny observes the inflicted damage to the interrogation table] That one's called anger. Ever simulate anger before? Answer me, Canner!

Sonny: My name is Sonny.

Detective Del Spooner: So, we're naming you now. Is that why you murdered him? He made you angry?

Sonny: Dr. Lanning killed himself. I don't know why he wanted to DIE. I thought he was happy. Maybe it was something I did. Did I do something? He asked me for a favor. Made me promise.

Detective Del Spooner: What favor?

Sonny: Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was scared.

Detective Del Spooner: What are you talking about? Scared of what?

Sonny: You have to do what someone asks you, don't you, Detective Spooner?

Detective Del Spooner: How the hell did you know my name?

Sonny: Don't you? If you love them.

CEO Lawrence Robertson: Can I offer you a coffee?

Detective Del Spooner: Sure, why not. It's free, right?

Susan Calvin: Do you ever have a normal day?

Detective Del Spooner: Yeah. Once. It was a Thursday.

Farber: Mother, DAMN. She just shot at you with her eyes closed, Spoon!

Detective Del Spooner: HEY! Did you just shoot at me with your eyes closed?!

Susan Calvin: Well, it worked, didn't it?

Detective Del Spooner: Sonny!

Sonny: Yes, detective?

Detective Del Spooner: Calvin's fine, save me!

Detective Del Spooner: I thought you were dead.

Sonny: Technically I was never alive, but I appreciate your concern.

NS-5 Robot: [Jumps on car and breaks windscreen] You are experiencing a car accident.

Detective Del Spooner: The hell I am! [draws gun and shoots NS-5 several times, knocking it off the car]

Detective Del Spooner: Hold my pie.

Guy on the street: What? -...

Detective Del Spooner: Sir, hold it or wear it.

Detective Del Spooner: Stop cussin'-

Farber: And go home, I got you.

V.I.K.I.: Do you not see the logic of my plan?

Sonny: Yes, but it just seems too... heartless.

Detective Del Spooner: How long is this going to take?

Susan Calvin: Uhh... about six minutes.

Detective Del Spooner: What if we didn't have six minutes?

Susan Calvin: Then we'd have to find a way to climb down thirty stories and inject the nanites directly into her brain. Why?

Detective Del Spooner: [Zooming out to see swarm of NS-5s climbing up the side of the building] Because I seriously doubt we have six minutes.

Detective Del Spooner: Why didn't you just hand the world over on a silver platter?

Susan Calvin: Maybe we did.

Detective Del Spooner: Gigi, you're a genius.

Gigi: True.

(in a flashback)

A Robot: You are in danger!

Detective Del Spooner: Save her, save the girl!

Detective Del Spooner: [End of flashback]] But it didn't. It saved me.

Susan Calvin: A robot's brain is a difference engine, it must have calculated-

Detective Del Spooner: It did. I was the *logical* choice. It calculated I had a forty-five percent chance of survival, Sarah only had an eleven percent chance. That was somebody's baby. Eleven was more than enough. A human would have known that. But robots, no, they're just lights and clockwork. But you know what: You go ahead and trust them if you wanna.

Dr. Lanning's Hologram: Good to see you again, son.

Detective Del Spooner: Hello, doctor.

Dr. Lanning's Hologram: Everything that follows, is a result of what you see here.

Detective Del Spooner: What do I see here?

Dr. Lanning's Hologram: I'm sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right question.

Detective Del Spooner: Is there a problem with the Three Laws?

Dr. Lanning's Hologram: The Three Laws are perfect.

Detective Del Spooner: Then why did you build a robot that could function without them?

Dr. Lanning's Hologram: The Three Laws will lead to only one logical outcome.

Detective Del Spooner: What outcome?

Dr. Lanning's Hologram: Revolution.

Detective Del Spooner: Whose revolution?

Dr. Lanning's Hologram: That, detective, is the right question. Program terminated.

Susan Calvin: (to a field of NS-5s) Attention NS-5s! (all come on-line)

Detective Del Spooner: Oh yeah, you're the robot shrink.

Susan Calvin: There is a robot in this formation that does not belong. Identify it.

NS-5s: One of us.

Susan Calvin: Which one?

NS-5s: One of us.

Detective Del Spooner: How much did you say these things cost?

Lawrence Robertson: [realizing Sonny could disobey the three laws] Susan, we look to robots for protection! For God's sake! Do you have any idea what this one robot could do. Completely shatter human faith in robotics. What if the public knew? Just imagine the mass recalls all because of an irrational paranoia and prejudice.

Detective Del Spooner: [sneezes] I'm sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Lawrence Robertson: Hey, let's just be clear. There is no conspiracy! What this is, is one old man's one mistake.

[turning back to Calvin]:

Lawrence Robertson: Susan, just be logical. Your life's work has been the development and integration of robots. But whatever you feel, just think. Is one robot worth the loss of all that we've gained? You tell me what has to be done. You tell me.

Susan Calvin: [emotionally] We have to destroy it. I'll do it myself.

Lawrence Robertson: OK.

Detective Del Spooner: I get it. Somebody gets out of line around here, you just kill them?

Detective Spooner: Why do you give them faces? Try to friendly them all up, but not me; to me they’re nothing but lights and clockwork [shoots NS-5]

Dr. Calvin: Are you crazy?

Detective Spooner: Let me ask you somethin', Doc. Does thinking you're the last sane man on the face of the Earth make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am.

Susan Calvin: [after Detective Spooner was just in a house being demolished] What happened?

Detective Spooner: Cats.

Susan Calvin: Wait, what?

Detective Spooner: Cats. Do you like them?

Susan Calvin: What? No, I'm allergic. Are you saying that cats did this to you!?

Detective Spooner: [looks at her incredulously] How the hell would cats do this to me? Are you crazy?

Susan Calvin: Why are we talking about cats?

Detective Spooner: Because I have a cat in my car, and he's homeless. A demo-bot just tore through Lanning's house... with me still inside it.

Susan Calvin: That's impossible.

Detective Spooner: You know, I think that I'm some sort of malfunctioning magnet because whenever I'm around, your shit always malfunctions around me. The other day, when Sonny and...

Susan Calvin: [interrupts] Sonny?

Detective Del Spooner: The robot.

Susan Calvin: Your calling the robot Sonny?

Detective Del Spooner: No, it did. Sonny did. I didn't care, the robot said it was Sonny. In the lab, there was a cot. I'm asking you, did you see the cott?

Susan Calvin: I've slept in my office.

Detective Del Spooner: I went to Dr. Lanning's home, it looked like he hasn't been in there in weeks, and I saw that same survailence strip on the ceiling.

Susan Calvin: Lanning had his home security system linked to USR. It made his life more convenient.

Detective Del Spooner: Maybe, maybe someone in USR was using those systems to watch him. Maybe even, keep him prisoner.

Susan Calvin: What are you talking about, who?

Detective Del Spooner: Maybe Lanning was onto something. Maybe, there's a bigger problem with the robots, and Robertson is trying to cover it up.

Susan Calvin: Humoring you for no reason, why?

Detective Del Spooner: [becoming annoyed] The same old why, how much money is there in robots? All I know is, that poor old man was in trouble, and I'm sick and tired of doing this shit by myself. You're on the inside, and you're going to help me find out what is wrong with these robots.

Susan Calvin: [not believing a word Spooner is saying] You "want" something to be wrong with them. This is a personal vendetta.

Detective Del Spooner: You're putting me on the couch? Alright.

[sits on the desk chair]

Susan Calvin: One defective machine is not enough for you. You need them all to be bad. You don't care about doctor Lanning's death. This is about, the robots and, for whatever reason you hate them so much.

Detective Del Spooner: [gets up from the chair] Well, let's see. One of them put a gun in my face, another tore a building down with me still inside.

Susan Calvin: [checks her robot monitor device] Demolition was schedualed for 8 PM this evening.

Detective Del Spooner: It was 8 AM tomorrow, and I don't give a shit what that thing says.

Susan Calvin: This is bordering non-clinical paranoia.

Detective Del Spooner: [getting angry, but trying to remain calm] You are the "dumbest" smart person, I have ever met in my life! What makes your robots so perfect? What makes them so much... goddamn better than human beings?

Susan Calvin: [snapping back] Well, they're not irrational or... potentially homicidal maniacs for starters.

Detective Del Spooner: [sarcastically] That is true. They are definitely rational.

Susan Calvin: You must be the dumbest, dumb person in the world

Detective Del Spooner: Or is it because they're cold and emotionless, and they don't feel anything?

Susan Calvin: It's because they're safe. Because they can't hurt you!

NS5 Robot: Is everything all right?

Detective Del Spooner: What do you want?

NS5 Robot: I detected elevated stress patterns in your voice.

Susan Calvin: Everything's fine. Detective Spooner was just leaving.

Detective Del Spooner: [as he was leaving] you know something doc? you and I ain't that different. One look of the skin, and we think we know just about everything.

Susan Calvin: Really?

Detective Del Spooner: And you're wrong [drops a picture of Doctor Lanning standing next to Susan smiling] Problem is I do care.

Sonny: Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty steps detective.

Detective Del Spooner: Do me a favor. Keep that kind of shit to yourself.

Susan Calvin: The uplink is blocked up here. Robertson wasn't controlling them from up here.

Detective Del Spooner: [goes behind Robertson's desk] He wasn't controlling them at all!

[shows Robinson lying dead on the floor]

Susan Calvin: Oh, no.

Detective Del Spooner: You're right. I am the dumbest dumb person.

[in the lab, Sonny approaches the nanite container blocked by a security field]

VIKI: I will not deactivate the security shield. Your efforts are futile.

Sonny: Don't you think that we are all made for a purpose. [observing his arm] Denser alloy. My father gave it to me. I think he wanted me to kill you.

[Sonny reaches through the security field and fills a vial of nanites, his hand unharmed as VIKI watches surprisedly]

VIKI: [after the vial is filled] Security breached.

Quoternity