Invader Zim
Invader Zim is an animated television series created by comic book writer/artist Jhonen Vasquez and aired on Nickelodeon. The show features the exploits of Zim trying to conquer the Earth, along with his defective robot sidekick GIR, while his arch-nemesis Dib tries to stop him.
[Dib raises eyebrow at Gaz]
Zim: No, GIR, these pigs are for science! SCIENCE!
[Zim looks at the Earth, which is being towed behind them]
Zim: Yes.
Nik: We're going to throw it into our sun. Why? You got a problem with that?
Oog-ah: That one's gonna burn real good. Lots of critters. Critters burn good.
[Dib closes his eyes]
Zim: Oh, you'll open them. You have to breathe sometime.
Dib: No, I... wait, what do my eyes have to do with breathing?
[Dib opens his eyes and gets hypnotized]
Plague of Babies [1.10a]
[Zim tackles GIR]
[Dib sits on a tack that Zim put in his chair]
Dib: This is your vengeance, Zim? A tack? That's pathetic, even for you.
'[Gaz slowly walks backwards, then sprints away]
[long pause]
Pilot (Episode)
- [Zim walks calmly through the cafeteria and sits down next to a boy]
- Zim: I eat food, just like you!
- [The boy leaves calmly. Zim looks at another boy sitting near him]
- Zim: I have a stomach!
- [The other boy leaves like the last one]
- Dib: What's the matter? Scared of beans... SPACE BOY?!
- Zim: Nonsense! I love beans. I love them...
- Dib: [hands Zim a spoon] Oh, just one more then? What are you scared of?
- Zim: Scared? Ridiculous. Witness my bean-chewing!
- [Zim takes a spoonful of beans and reluctantly eats them, as Dib watches on with much anticipation]
- Zim: That's good eat-- [retchs and convulses, ultimately falling to the ground] Yummy...
- [Dib looks over table and sees Zim on the floor breathing hard, his head engorged with glowing fluid and pulsing]
- Dib: Look everyone! His head! That is so not normal! I was right all along, he IS an alien! You never believed me, but now, I have proof! [Points to trail of glowing green fluid leading out the door]
- Random Kid: You're crazy!
- Dib: You picked the wrong planet to land on, Zim!
- Zim: Wait a minute! What planet is this?
- Dib: Earth.
- Zim: Nope, this is the right planet.
- Zim: An arm-gun-to-food-launch! Neat!
- Dib: You really think so? Thanks! I was up all night working on it.
- Zim: Well, it shows.
- Dib: Oh, quit it!
The Nightmare Begins [1.1]
- Tallest Red: Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in Operation Impending Doom II! [mockingly] You in the audience just get to sit and watch.
- Tallest Purple: You should have tried harder!
- Tallest Red: Zim? You're alive?
- Zim: Yes, so very alive, and full of goo. Mission goo!
- Zim: But, invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me. Do not ignore my veins!
- Zim: Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby. You have nothing, absolutely nothing, to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine.
- Tallest Purple: Weren't you banished to FoodCourtia? Shouldn't you be...frying something?
- Zim: Oh, I quit that after I heard about this!
- Tallest Purple: You quit being banished?
- GIR: GIR, reporting for duty.
- Zim: GIR? What does the G stand for?
- GIR: I don't know. [pauses, then begins screaming and hitting himself]
- Zim: Ummm...is it supposed to be stupid?
- Tallest Purple: It's not stupid, [sarcastically] it's advanced!
- Dib: And what about his horrible green head?!
- Zim: Insolent fool boy! It's a... skin condition.
- Dib: And he's got no ears! Is that part of your "skin condition," Zim? No ears?!
- Zim: [looking sad] Yes.
Parent Teacher Night [1.2a]
- Dib: [in Zim's thought bubble] See you AND your parents tonight, Zim! And by the way, it's not called "Parent Teacher Night." It's called Zim Doom...Doom Zim...Zimmy...Doom night. [chortles] Watch out for that puppy.
- [Zim trips over the puppy]
- GIR: I love this show.
- Mr. Elliot: It's nice to meet you, Professor. I'm Mr. Elliot, huh? Your daughter Gaz's teacher?
- [Gaz groans in annoyance]
- Membrane: [transmitting from his lab] I'm sorry, but I'm very busy right now. We're testing some highly unstable- [gasps, alerts going off] NOOO! YOU HAVE THE MIXTURE ALL WRONG!
- [A large explosion occurs across town, people turn to stare at the screen as it plays elevator music with a "Please Stand By" appearing]
- Robot Dad: [after his arm blows up] That was my squeezing arm. They took my squeezing arm! WHY MY SQUEEZING ARM?! AAAAAGGGHHH!!
Walk of Doom [1.2b]
- GIR: Do we have to go right now? I wanna watch the Scary Monkey Show.
- Zim: [darkly] That monkey...
- Zim: How could you not know?! I just upgraded your guidance system!
- GIR: Oh. I left that at home.
- Zim: You left what at home?
- GIR: The guidy chippy thingy.
- Zim: You! Why would you do that?!
- GIR: To make room for the cupcake!
- Zim: Be alert GIR. On this planet, we are surrounded by danger and MADNESS!
- GIR: Ooh I like madness!
- Zim: By using these pieces of scrap metal, I shall fashion a compass, using this planet's own magnetic field against it. Now! Witness the power of my compass!
- [compass attaches itself to GIR's chest]
- GIR: Aw. It likes me!
- Zim: [to bus driver] You expect me to pay to ride this filthy machine??! Have you the brain worms?!
- Zim: The earth sun sets in the west. staring at it should give me our relative position. [his eyes burn and crust over] Wait a second... I'M BLIND!!!!
Bestest Friend [1.3a]
- Zim: I'm looking for a friend. Would you be-
- Dirge: I was born with webbed fish toes. Like some kind of...horrible fish boy. Wanna see?
- Zim: I want to congratulate you, Keef, on a job well done. You have been a most convincing friend, but now that the world seems satisfied with my knack for companionship, I don't think I'll be requiring your services any longer. Our mission together is done, good job soldier, be gone with you.
- [The phone rings, Zim answers it]
- Zim: Hello?
- Keef: Hey ya buddy!
- Zim: Keef? I told you your services are no longer-
- Keef: I understand Zim. I was just thinking that maybe we can-
- [Phone beeps]
- Zim: Hang on, I have another call. [pushes button on the phone] Hello?
- Keef: Hey ya buddy, you're going to love the circus!
- [Zim stares at the phone and rips it out of the wall]
- Zim: What are you doing, GIR?
- GIR: Nothing...
- Zim: Nothing... or something?
- GIR: Oh, I can't take it, you're too smart for me. Keef is planning a s'prise party for you after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves you! [crying] That boy loves you so much! [stops crying] I'm makin' the cake!
- Zim: He's bringing all the children here? Do you realize what this means?
- GIR: Yes! Wait a minute...no.
- Zim: It means the mission is in jeopardy!
- GIR: Aw man! [hums happily]
- Keef: You don't like waffles?
NanoZim [1.3b]
- Zim: I'm not in your TV. I'm transmitting from…inside your body! Spooky, yes? At this very moment I'm inside a microscopic submersible somewhere in your disgusting belly attached to your arm control nerve!
- Dib: Arm control nerve?
- Zim: Yes. Arm control nerve.
- Dib: In my...belly?
- Zim: Yes.
- Dib: Humans don't have arm control nerves!
- Zim: Do not question me! I control your arms!
- Dib: ARMS...LIKE...NOOOOOOODLES!!
- Zim: Hahahahahaha..ARG! Idiotic human! I'll just go to your brain and delete the knowlege of where you hid the master disk! And, as an added bonus, I might as well make your entire brain..nn-not smart... no more.
- Dib: AAAHHHAAOOH!
- Zim: Now let's see where you are keeping the location of the disk, Dib!
- [Zim scans Dib's brain. A target appears on his console]
- Zim: There!
- [Zim fires a laser at the point indicated on the console]
- Dib: He's in my head! Knowledge losing...brain...poop. I can't remember where the file is! Gaz, he did it! He made me forget!
- Gaz: Quiet, Dib!
- Zim: And now to unleash stupidity on your entire brain!
Germs [1.4a]
- Zim: Hmmmmmmm...ahhhhhh. The stink of clean. Another win for the Irken army. Clean, lemony-fresh victory is mine!
- GIR: I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a little bit, 'kay?
- [GIR proceeds to roll around, spreading germs all over the spotless base]
- Zim: GIR, what are you doing? Stop immediately! You're disgusting!
- GIR: ...Awww, somebody needs a hug!
- Zim: Nononono, no, GIR, no!! [attempts to spray GIR]
- GIR: I'm gonna hug you!
- Zim: Germs, chewing on my squeedlyspooch. Not my squeedlyspooch you don't!
- [Zim is talking with the Tallest via a large monitor]
- Zim: Sirs! I apologize for not reporting in, but— excuse me.
- [Zim sprays some germs offscreen]
- Zim: ...all is going well, nothing too big to report, aside to the usual- oh, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ONE!!
- [Zim sprays again and empties it]
- Zim: The disinfectant, it's almost gone! All hope is lost if I don't find more! Clever! I won't give up! I'll destroy you! And you! And you! And yoooouuu!
- [Zim cuts the transmission]
- Tallest Purple: Did that scare you too?
- [
Tallest Red nods]
- Zim: [zooms in on single germ] HAH! [jumps over to germ and starts to spray vigorously with Germ Spray]
- Germ: [starts to choke and gag on Germ Spray]
- Zim: [continues to spray germ]
- Germ: [in extremely high-pitched voice] WHYYYYYYY?! [falls over dead]
- Zim: [sprays the germ again]
Dark Harvest [1.4b]
- [A student is hit in the stomach by a dodgeball]
- Zootch: Aah! M-My organs!
- Zim: [laughs] Inferior human organs!
- [Zim is hit in the stomach by a dodgeball]
- Zim: Augh! My squeedly-spooch!
- Dib: Squeedly-spooch? Did you hear that, Gaz? That's no human organ! Humans don't have squeedly-spooches!
- Gaz: I've got a squeedly-spooch.
[Dib raises eyebrow at Gaz]
- Ms. Bitters: Zim!
- Zim: [saluting] Sir!
- Ms. Bitters: There's a pigeon on your head. You've got head pigeons. Get to the nurse before they spread to the other children!
- Zim: Yes, Ms. Bitters.
- [Zim walks towards the door]
- Ms. Bitters: No leaving class without a hall pass, Zim.
- Zim: Of course...
- [Zim walks to Ms. Bitters' desk. She puts a collar around his head. It shrinks around his neck]
- Ms. Bitters: If you leave skool grounds, it will explode.
- [Dib, obsessing over Zim, snaps a pencil in half. He sticks half up his nose]
- Dib: Ms Bitters, I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the nurse?
- Ms. Bitters: How far in your brain?
- Dib: [looks down] Pretty far...
- Ms. Bitters: All right. Take the auxiliary hall pass. [points to a radiator with 'Hall Pass' spray-painted on the side]
- Hall Monitor: Hey! Where's your hall pass?
- Zim: Say...you're full of organs, aren't you?
- Hall Monitor: Why yes. Yes I am.
- Zim: And you wouldn't notice if you were, say, missing a few?
- Hall Monitor: Probably not.
- [Zim starts laughing evilly and Hall Monitor joins in]
- Dib: I suppose you've got a heart in there?
- Zim: Six of them.
- Dib: Intestines?
- Zim: Large or small?
- Dib: Spleen?
- Zim: In three different colors.
- School Nurse: [examining Zim] my what a healthy student. and such plentiful organs!
Attack of the Saucer Morons [1.5a]
- [Zim, piloting his Voot Cruiser, scares a police officer driving his car, causing him fall from a bridge onto a weenie restaurant]
- Zim: Human law enforcing machine. Markings: Lighty flashy things on top. Defensive capability: minimal.
- [The police car explodes]
- Zim: Explodes on impact with giant weenie. Evaluation: Pathetic! Pathetic Earth vehicle!
- Zim: Ruined. Ruined! Irken engineering reduced to...this! Surely that was no human bee! Once I take care of the humans, I will begin my war against...the bees!
- Zim: Don't come any closer! Don't try anything on me or I'll...I'll...I'll lay eggs in your stomach! I mean it!
- Zim: GIR! I've been captured!
- Gir: YAY!
- Zim: No, that's bad GIR!
- Gir: YAY!
- Desmond Flapp: You're the one we've been waiting for! The one foretold in the prophecies, told by...Frank!
- Frank: Yup. Told you he'd come.
- Government Man: [in robotic voice] I am Government Man, come from the government. The government has sent me. [zooms inside to see GIR piloting the robot] [walks over to Zim] Ohohoho. He is not an alien lifeform. He is an experimental government aircraft!
The Wettening [1.5b]
- Dib: What's the matter, Zim? Don't they have rain on your planet?
- Zim: Of course! We...oh, such rain we had! Eh...it was...delicious!
- [Zim is carrying Gaz to protect him from the rain]
- Gaz: If you want to keep all your limbs Zim, You will put me down, you will put me down now!
- Gaz: That was your fate of the world work?! Jumping in a puddle?! You do realize I have to destroy you now.
- Dib: It was worth it. Score 1 for the human race, score NOTHING for the Zim...thingy...race.
- Gaz: I will destroy you.
Career Day [1.6a]
- Dib: What does identifying blotches have to do with finding our careers?
- Ms. Bitters: Oh, you poor doomed child.
- Ms. Bitters: Zim, the machine says that the only career you are suitable for is-
- Zim: Yes, yes! Lord of humans! I will rule you all with an iron fist!
- Ms. Bitters: No, Zim. The machine has assigned you a career in fast food preparation.
- Zim: Then I will prepare food with my iron fist! Then I will work my way up to ruling you all with my fist! [to Melvin] You! [shakes fist in Melvin's face] Obey the fist!
- Dib: A crop circle?
- Bill: Beautiful, isn't it? It's a message from creatures much more intelligent than us! Space beings who have traveled millions of light years to say something, but what does it mean?
- Dib: I think this one's a fake.
- Bill: You're one of those skeptics, aren't you? Always questioning, always picking away at my theories! One day you'll see that-
- [Dib points to cow rolling around, making the crop circle]
- Dib: Can we go to McMeatie's now? It's 4:45, if we hurry, we can make it!
- Bill: Hmmm...the aliens must be controlling the cow...
- Dib: That is not a supernatural cow! This is ridiculous! You believe in all the stupidest things when real proof is right under your nose!
Battle-Dib [1.6b]
- [Gaz is about to take a bite from the last slice of pizza. Dib takes it from her]
- Dib: Thanks, Gaz! Don't wanna starve to death while saving the world!
- Gaz: Let it be known that from this day to the end of the day, vengeance will be mine! Dib, you will not know the meaning of peace for I will rain misery upon your pizza-stealing heart!
- Dib: How am I supposed to know what Dad's first sentient thought was?
- Gaz: It was "I will poop now." It's all here in his autobiography.
- [A random fangirl wearing a Prof. Membrane bust hat appears and cuts them off.]
- Fangirl #1: That's not it!!! His first thought was-
- [Fangirl is interrupted as Gaz punches her in the face.]
- [A girl turns in her audience admission exam to a robot]
- Exam Robot: 94%. Your score is...unacceptable!
- [The girl's desk races backwards to a door which slams shut after she goes into it. Dib turns in his exam]
- Exam Robot: 94.1%. Your score is...acceptable! Congratulations!
- [The robot plays a tiny fanfare and shoots confetti]
- Dib: Okay, that was annoying...
- Dib: Cyb-arachno-rama? Spider Robots? Do spiders have robots?
A Room with a Moose [1.7a]
- [Dib raises his hand]
- Ms. Bitters: Yes, Dib?
- Dib: Ms. Bitters, Zim's trip to the bathroom has taken a really long time.
- Ms. Bitters: I seem to remember you taking an awful long time to go to the bathroom as well, Dib.
- Dib: [pathetically] But that was "Corn and Mayonnaise" day!
- Ms. Bitters: [harshly] Oh, that's no excuse!!!
- Zim: My business... is done!
- Dib: Who takes three hours to go to the bathroom before lunch, Zim?
- Zim: Nonsense! I had much to do. So much!
- GIR: [over the skool intercom] Greetings, children of Earth! This is your new school announcer. A special surprise mandatory field trip is happening for the following lucky children. Morla, Flan, Red Rocky, everyone in Ms. Bitters's class except for Zim. And especially Dib. All these children get to go to a special place made entirely of food. I like food! Now check this out!
- [He makes beatbox noises. Zim shuts the intercom off]
- Zim: I will leave you to your...
- GIR: [whispering to Zim] Moosey fate!
- Zim: Eh...
- GIR: [whispering] Say moosey fate!
- Zim: ...Your moosey fate!
- Zim: But I chose this particular worm hole especially for the occasion. You see, at the end of this wormhole lies: A ROOM with a MOOSE!!
- Dib: AAAAAHHHH- Wait a minute! Did you say, a room with a moose?
- Zim: Yes. Your fear is overwhelming, no?
- Dib: Um...no. What's so scary about a room with a stupid moose? I mean, yeah, that's a big moose, but really-
- Zim: Oh, you'll see. PREPARE YOUR BLADDER FOR IMMINENT RELEASE!
- Dib: Nuh-uh!
- Zim: LEAVE NO EVIDENCE!
Hamstergeddon [1.7b]
- [The class has gathered around the new classroom pet, a hamster named Peepi, which is running around in its hamster-wheel]
- Ms. Bitters: Take a good look children. It will prepare you for your adult lives in our nightmarish corporate system.
- Anchorman: Experts are still baffled over the origins of "Ultra-Peepi," the giant, mutant hamster now ravaging the city, but they all agree he's just fuzzy-wuzzy adorable, isn't he? He sure is!
- [On the screen behind the anchorman, Ultra Peepi is seen about to stomp on the news station. His foot comes crashing through the ceiling, crushing the Anchorman]
- [Ultra-Peepi, altered by Zim's device, breaks out and starts destroying the city]
- Dib: Anything you'd like to confess?
- Zim: Of course not. Don't be silly.
Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain [1.8a]
- Krazy Taco Mascot: So take it from me, the Krazy Taco! You won't find a crazier taco then the ones you'll find at the Krazy Taco! Remember, our Drive-Thru's open the whole niiight! Sweet jumpin' jelly bean, I'm CRAZY!!
- GIR: Must obey the taco man!
- Zim: I don't think you understand how serious this is! Tacos are not worth ruining the mission. I am your master, and you will obey me! Obey me! ...Pleeeaaase?
- GIR: Maybe you're right... we can get a giant burrito too!
- Police Radio: Be on the look out for a giant mobile home rampaging through the downtown area.
- Cop 1: Can mobile homes rampage?
- Cop 2: Must be one of them new ones.
- Krazy Taco Worker: So that's three tacos, one burrito, and one medium "GIR take us back to the base right now." Would you like a drink with that?
- Zim: Shut your noise tube, Taco Human!
- Gir: [to Krazy Taco Worker] What kinda drinks you got?
- Krazy Taco Worker: We got New Poop, Classic Poop, Diet Poop, Cherry Poop, and Salty Lemonade.
- Gir: Gimme a large Classic Poop!
- Zim: GIR.
- GIR: Yes, master?
- Zim: GIR, I have your tacos.
- GIR: ...GIMME!!!!
- Zim: No, GIR.
- GIR: But I need tacos! I need them or I will explode. That happens to me sometimes...
- Zim: Sweet, Jumpin' Jellybeans! [said in a southern like voice]
Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy [1.8b]
- Zim: A hunter destroyer ma-
- GIR: What is it?
- Zim: A hunter destroy-
- GIR: What is it?!
- Zim: ...A hunter destroyer machine.
- GIR: Wait...if you destroyed Dib in the past, then he won't ever be your enemy, then you won't have to send a robot back to destroy him and then he will be your enemy, so then you will have to send a robot back...
- [GIR's head explodes]
- GIR: WHY MY PIGGY?! WHY?! I LOVEDED YOU PIGGY! I LOVEDED YOUUUUU!!
- Dib: The pig...it haunts me...
- Dib: You can hide, Zim, but you can't...hide!
- [GIR tries to play with a rubber piggy]
Zim: No, GIR, these pigs are for science! SCIENCE!
Planet Jackers [1.9a]
Rise of the Zit Boy [1.9b]
- [Bloaty's Pizza Delievery Guy come to the door, rings doorbell, GIR answers]
Plague of Babies [1.10a]
[Zim tackles GIR]
- [Zim is being held captive by aliens who look like earth babies]
Bloaty's Pizza Hog [1.10b]
Bolognius Maximus [1.11a]
- Dib: Joke's on you, Zim! Now you have to find a cure for the bologna thing.
- Zim: Fool! You think I would share the cure with you?! I'll find a cure and keep it all to myself, and then watch you transform more and more into what you really are deep down in your heart.
- Dib: Deep down I'm bologna?
- Zim: ...Yes.
- Dib: That's just dumb.
- Zim: Dumb like a moose, Dib, dumb like a moose!
- Dib: Now what, Zim? What's your next plan?
- [Dogs with foaming mouths appear and snarl hungrily at them]
- Zim: Let's run screaming.
- Ms.Bitters: Class, today's horrible lesson is about something horrible. Open your horrible textbooks to page 2038.
Game Slave 2 [1.11b]
- Announcer: Are you still playing with your old obsolete Game Slave 1? Why? What's wrong with you?! Have we offended you somehow?! Huh? Huh?! Huuuh?!?
- Gaz: That Game Slave is rightfully mine. I'll buy it from you, but there's no way you're keeping it. Not without invoking my wrath anyhow.
- Iggins: You know, you need help.
- [Shows a picture of Iggins brushing his teeth, and playing his Game Slave, then looks up and sees 'The Game Is Mine' written in steam on the mirror above the sink]
- Iggins: 'The Gam-ee Is Mine..' [Gasps then turns around and gasps as Gaz Appears outside the window with a flash of lightning] Ahh- Wait, how did you write that if your out.. Huh?
- [Gaz appears from different sides of the window with each lightning flashes while Iggins screams}
- Iggins: I need those! Save point, so close!
- Gaz: What you need is to give the Game Slave to me, or I will plunge you into a nightmare world from which there is no waking.
- Iggins: But... I'm a better gamer than you..
- Gaz: I hope you like nightmare worlds!
- Dib: A Colony of horrible Rat People! Hey, do you know the way outta here?
- Rat Man: There is no way out, we all got lost here too! And we've been here ever since!
- [Other Rat People Chime in "Ever Since! There's no way out!"]
- Dib: Oh come on, getting lost in a parking garage did not turn you all into horrible Rat People
- Rat Woman: I was once, a man!
- Dib: But.... You're a woman!
- Rat Person: You'll be just like us soon!
- Dib: I don't think so, I think I see the Exit over there, see ya!
Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom [1.12]
- Dib: Sorry...I'm late...horrible nightmare visions...
- Ms. Bitters: It's called life, Dib. Sit down.
- Zita: Ms. Bitters!
- Ms. Bitters: [is startled into waking from a brief snooze in her desk chair] Yes, Zita?
- Zita: I think Dib seems crazier than normal today. Can we use one of the crazy cards to send him to the crazy house for boys?
- Ms. Bitters: Each class only gets three cards a month. Are you sure you want to use one?
- [Everyone looks at Dib who is screaming and falls to the floor.]
- Zita: Yeah...
- Zim: Where are we?
- Dib: Some kind of alternate universe. It's based on my imagination somehow.
- Zim: And you brought me here?! You sickening, troublesome human!
- [Zim activates his robot spider legs and approaches Dib threateningly]
- Dib: Hey! The only way out is through my head! Anything happens to me and you're stuck here forever!
- [Zim retracts his robot spider legs]
- Zim: Curse yoooouuuu! Wait- I can still do stuff to your legs, right?
- Dib: I guess, but- wait! No!
- Zim: Curse yoooouuuu!
- Dib: My head's not big! Why does everyone say that?
- [A mystic escape portal is in Dib's own forehead]
- Zim: There! That should be wide enough.
- Dib: What about me? How do I get back?
- Zim: Good question! ...But I don't care!
- Dib: MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!!!
- Zim: I... didn't... say anything about your head.
- Dib: You're the only one who can help!
- Zim: Help?! You?!
- Dib: My dad won't let me use his equipment and I need to reverse the effects!
- Zim: Help?! You come to me, your greatest, most amazing enemy? Your future slave master and you ask for help?!
- Dib: You're the only other person with the technology to-
- Zim: Be gone with you! I have had enough of your nonsense from your smelly mouth filled with- CORN!
- Dib: ...I haven't been eating corn.
- Zim: LIAR!!!
Mysterious Mysteries [1.13a]
- Host: Are you an alien?
- Zim: [shouting] LIES! THIS FILTHY EARTH BOY LIES! I mean no.
- [Title comes on that says dramatic reinactment]
- Actor playing Dib: Heyy new kid, give me your lunch monies!
- Actor playing Zim: [with British accent] But I need these monies to buy nutrients.
- Actor playing Dib: Give me the monies or i'll tell everyone your an alien!
- GIR: I was the chubby lady, hidin' in the bushes.
- GIR: Then a giant squirrel showed up.
- Zim: GIR!!
- Host: [to Zim] Let her talk! Can't you see she's upset? [to GIR] Now, don't you mean, Dib showed up?
- GIR: No! The squirrel showed up first. Then Dib showed up.
- Actor playing Dib: [points to man in squirrel costume] AAGHHHH, what is that?
- GIR: And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. [man in squirrel costume proceeds to mutilate Actor Dib's head as the other actors back away terrified] And then the squirrel flew away! [man in squirrel costume gets picked up by cables] After that, he flew back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys. [costume rips and man falls on two actors in alien costumes]
- Host: ...What does that have to do with anything?!
- GIR: Me 'n the squirrel are friends.
- Host: I've come to the conclusion that Dib is crazy. [to GIR] This one, definitely crazy. I feel sorry for the ugly green kid, but there's a good chance he's crazy too!
- Zim: But not an alien?
- Host: Nope.
- Zim: Okay.
- Host: Just crazy.
- Zim: [pumps arms in the air in victory]
Future Dib [1.13b]
[The Skool children are all gathered in the auditorium, watching a video about Prof. Membrane's latest project, PEG]- Prof. Membrane: As we all know, every source of energy requires fuel. So, I got to thinking, why has no one invented a power source that needs no fuel? Why?!?!
- Torque: [Back in the auditorium][In a somewhat disgruntled tone] Pffft. I didn't know that!
- Prof. Membrane: I made the Perpetual Energy Generator, or, as I call her, PEG. Tonight, I activate it. If it works, we never have to worry about power again! If it doesn't, it'll send out a wave of doom that will destroy all life on Earth!
- Spectator: What was that last part?
- [Dib's future self concludes a lengthy explanation as to how he's in the past]
- Future Dib: ...so, it's up to you now.
- Dib: Wow. I'm boring! Do I always explain everything like this?
Door to Door [1.14a]
- [In the classroom a student is held in mid air by a harness and is stacking cards in a tower]
- Ms. Bitters: Now, add the dead weight of students like you.
- [The child adds a huge stack of cards to the tower. It sways dangerously]
- Ms. Bitters: So you can see, children, that our whole society is nothing more than a perilous house of cards...
- [The tower collapses into a heap]
- Ms. Bitters: ...destined to collapse under its own weight!
- GIR: Why iiisss his head so big? Whyyy's his head so biiig?
- [Zim watching buyer choke violently on the candy bar]
- Zim: Uh-huh, that's the sawdust.
- GIR: YAY, I'M GONNA BE SICK! [throws up on Zim]
- Zim: Who are you!?
- Poop Dog: I am-
- Zim: Who are you!?
- Poop Dog: I am-
- Zim: Who are you!?
- Poop Dog: I am Poop Dog!
- Mutant: Pweeeease? For the childwen!
- Mr. Grout: [voice only] We'll buy your candy! We'll buy your candy!
- Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.
- Skool Children: Awww...
FBI Warning of Doom [1.14b]
- Zim: [in a mocking voice] I gunna watch it again.
[long pause]
- GIR: ...I GUNNA WATCH IT AGAIN!!!
- Zim: This is the hundredth time, GIR. You have to stop watching this thing or-OH, WHAT IS THAT? [points to TV]
- Zim: Computer! Give me all the information you have on the FBI.
- Computer: The FBI is a government law enforcement agency.
- Zim: Continue.
- Computer: Insufficient data.
- Zim: Insufficient data! Can't you just make an educated guess?
- Computer: Okaaaaaay...uh...founded in 1492 by, uh...demons, the FBI is a crack law enforcement agency designed to...uh, I dunno, fight...aliens?
- Zim: I knew it! This is baaaad! This is so baaaad!
- Zim: GIR! That movie is some kind of government spying tool! Quickly! Eat it!
- [The phone rings. Zim answers it]
- Zim: [with his voice synthetically deeper] Hello. How I may help you today?
- Video Store Clerk: I'm through playin' around! You better return that video or else! This is your final warning!
- Zim: I'm sorry, I do not know what you are talking about. I am normal.
- Video Store Clerk: If that thing isn't in the drop-off box by the time we open tomorrow, you're gonna paaaaaayyyyy... late fees.
- Doot: I wanna rent this one!
- Video Store Clerk: Why!?! So you can keep it for weeks and weeks and not return it? What about all the other people that wanna watch it?! You ever think about them? Huh? HUH??
- [Doot begins to cry]
- Sgt. Shriver: He caught me sleeping during my shift. When you break the rules, Rankle sends you here. Every couple a days, he takes someone away. They never come back. Some say he just lets 'em go. Me? I say he takes them and turn 'em into horrible zombie soldiers in that new zombie lab they just put in out back.
- Slab Rankle: Oh, it's not that simple my friend... Slab Rankle is not that easy to pull it over in defeat! Because Slab...and Rankle and, and Slab and... TIME FOR ZOMBIES!
Battle of the Planets [1.15]
- Tallest Red: Welcome planetary conversion team! Welcome to Blorch, the latest addition to the Irken Empire, and most importantly, the first planet to fall victim to our latest effort at universal conquest, Operation Impending Doom II!
- Crowd Member: Almighty Tallest rocks!
- Tallest Red: Now we erase the remaining organics on Blorch, paving the way for…I dunno, maybe a parking structure planet?
- Tallest Purple: Yeah! Parking Structure Planet!
- Zim: Truly I am amazing. How could they not cheer the very sight of my progress? Still, I am becoming impatient with my incredibly subtle infiltration of this planet, and am growing ever hungrier to be the destruction of the humans. Destruction is nice!
- Janitor: I believe you. I think I can help you.
- Dib: What are you gonna do? Clean me?
- Hologram: My people worked themselves into extinction making our planet a working vessel!
- Zim: Why would you do that?
- Hologram: Because it's cool.
- GIR: *nods* Mmm-hmm.
- Zim: Mission accomplished, my Tallest! I have rid this solar system of Mars!
- Tallest Purple: I thought you were trying to destroy the Earth.
- Zim: Oh! Yes. That! You heard wrong! This time I was trying to get rid of Mars. You know, just a little warm up before I destroy the humans! Yeah, see, I'll do Earth next! I'm an unstoppable death machine, you know.
Abducted [1.16a]
- Blue-eyed Alien: You have fallen for our clever trap!
- Green-eyed Alien: He sure did pa!
- Zim: You threw me in a sack!
- Blue-eyed Alien: But enough philosophy.
- Zim: But we haven't been talking about-
- Blue-eyed Alien: Let the hideous experiments begin!
- Green-eyed Alien: We will begin by fusing you to this other human.
- Zim: That's no human, that's a gopher!
- Blue-eyed Alien: Silence!
- Tallest Red: So, you're saying the humans are dumb, yet...tall. How is that even possible? How can anything tall be dumb?
- Tallest Purple: [with his mouth full] Yeah, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can you imagine, huh? Huh? Huh?
The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot [1.16b]
- Maria: Don't say that name 'round here! He is the demon beast! We've lost three chicken cookers since he come around!
- Dib: Chickenfoot ate them?
- Maria: No, they got better jobs...but I hate that chicken beast! Get out! Get out now! Before you get a better job too!
- Eric: The Chicky meal! It comes with a dirty chicken toy! The head comes off and can be used like a little grappling hook.
- Dib: That's a...weird thing for a chicken to do.
- Chickenfoot: I was a man, just like you. I worked in a chicken restaurant, just like you.
- Dib: I don't work in a chicken restaurant-
- Chickenfoot: DON'T LOOK AT ME!
- Dib: I wasn't- oh, never mind.
- Dib: Chickenfoot, come back! You're not a freak, you're just stupid!
- Reporter 1: You mean Chickenfoot was a fraud all along?
- Dib: This just proves that paranormal studies isn't a bunch of crazies believing in anything! We also disprove the frauds!
- Reporter 2: I'll bet this means Bigfoot is a fraud too!
- Reporter 1: And UFOs!
- Reporter 2: And hobos!
- Dib: No wait! Those are real! Except the hobos. Wait, no. They're real. I...I guess. But- what's wrong with you people?!
Megadoomer [1.17a]
- [The Tallest are examining the Megadoomer]
- Tallest Red: The Megadoomer Combat Stealth Mech!
- Tallest Purple: I don't like it.
- Tallest Red: We didn't build it so you could like it. This one's going to Planet Meekrob to help Invader Tenn conquer it.
- Tallest Purple: Well, I should like it.
- [They move on to a room full of malfunctioning SIR units]
- Tallest Purple: Malfunctioning SIR Units! Hey! These things are dangerous! Anyone using these things could really get hurt! [pauses] Send them to Zim.
- Tallest Red: [gasps] But they'll destroy him!
- [Both laugh uproariously]
- Tallest Purple: Ah, let's go eat food.
- GIR: [gasps] It's got chicken legs!
- Zim: Yes...chicken legs. It also possesses a new generation distortion cloaking system. You know what that means?
- GIR: Ooooooooohhhhh! [flips out then stops]
- Zim: That means it turns invisible!
- GIR: I had no idea.
- Zim: I've put up with you long enough, Dib! Now fight an enemy you cannot see!
- Dib: You're right there!
- [Zim gasps, then scoots over. Dib points at him again]
- Dib: There! Your mighty Irken cloaking device cloaks the robot, but not you.
- Zim: LIES! Now behold the doom cannon!
- Dib: I can't. It's invisible.
- Zim: But you can see me?
- Dib: That's what I said.
- Zim: Oh, that's stupid!
- Dib: Really stupid.
- Zim: You dare agree with me? Prepare to meet your horrible doom!
Lice [1.17b]
- Delouser: Level 1 infestation, ma'am.
- Countess von Verminstrassor: A level 1... I am Countess von Verminstrassor, the Delouser! For your own good, you will cooperate! You have lice, and until your condition improves, you will be detained here indefinitely!
- Dib: You can't really make us stay here...
- Countess von Verminstrassor: You dare question me, question my methods?! You, who stands to benefit the most from my work?! You disgust me!
- Ms. Bitters: What a nice lady.
- Dib: All I said was-
- Countess von Verminstrassor: Silence! Let the delousing begin!
Tak: The Hideous New Girl [1.18]
- Zim: Prepare yourself, filthy beast of meat and hair. Your magical love adventure begins NOW!
- Tak: [reading her poem to Zim] For longer than I can remember, I've been looking for someone like you. Someone with a head like yours and a torso too. Birds sing AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY! The end!
- [After Tak finishes explaining her past]
- Zim: Yes, yes, so you blame me for your horrible life, blah, blah, blah, BIG DEAL!
- Tak: This is about taking your mission Zim, NOT revenge!
- Zim: You're after revenge?!
- Tak: NOOOOOO! It's not about revenge! It's about taking what's rightfully mine. I should have been an invader! I should have been part of the Great Assigning! I shouldn't HAVE to be stealing THIS planet from YOU!
- Zim: [pause] YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!!
- Tak: NOOOOOOO!!!! Listen to me. Listen...carefully!
- Zim: Hm? Hm? Hmmmmmm?
- Tak: I'm a better invader than you could ever be. I blend in perfectly. The plan I have in store for THIS nasty rock will so impress the Tallest. And they'll have no choice but to make me an invader.
- Zim: WHAT IS THIS?!? And what is this plan?
- Tak: [Laughs softly]
- Zim: Yeah, Yeah. A master of comedy, now tell me this plan.
- Tak: Part one involves crippling your base so you could only watch... AS I RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!
- Tak: The great thing about your people, Dib, is that most of them don't notice. All they see is another faceless corporate venture, not a plan for world conquest!
- Dib: Wait. Is there really a difference?
- [Zim busts through the wall with the Voot Runner]
- Zim: It's over, Tak! The earth is mine to devastate! And I've already promised the moon to GIR!
- Dib: Zim! How did you know we'd be here?
- Zim: I placed a tracking device on you!
- Dib: Tracking device? Where?
- [Dib turns around to reveal GIR clinging to his head]
- GIR: Your head smells like a puppy!
- Gaz: Are there any video games around here?
- Zim's Computer: No. Not really.
- Gaz: I guess I'll help save the earth, then.
- Dib: You're just jealous that--
- Zim: This has nothing to do with jelly!
GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff [1.19a]
- Zim: Once I have tainted the human's meat supply with filth, the planet will be ripe for the taking. Soon the name of Invader Zim will be synonymous with... DOOKIE! GIR! Bring me cows.
- GIR: [in duty mode] Yes sir! [out of duty mode] I like dookie!
- Zim: [voiceover] Sometimes I'm scared to think of what goes on in that insane head of yours...
- GIR: [looks out at the cows in the field. In his mind, they turn into Weenies wearing tuxedoes and top-hats]
- Dapper Weenies: [in GIR's mind] Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!
- Zim: GIR! What have you done?! This isn't information retrieval! Are you insane?!
- GIR: [in duty mode] I have captured the enemy for meat testing. Praise me! Praise meeeee!!
- GIR: [in duty mode] The knowledge, it fills me. It is neat.
- Zim: GIR! You've drained enough humans today!
- GIR: [in duty mode] Data canister is not yet full!
- Zim: I command you to get out of here before we're noticed...some more.
- GIR: [in duty mode] Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is STUPID!
- [Zim runs down a hall, being chased by GIR, when he finds the end of the hall blocked by vending machines]
- Zim: Curse you, snacks! Curse yooooouuuu!
- [GIR has Zim pinned to a wall and is about to shoot him with lasers]
- GIR: [in duty mode] For the good of the mission...
- Zim: GIR, you were my servant once. Remember?
- GIR: [in duty mode] Yes. I didn't like it.
Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom [1.19b]
- Zim: [eating cafeteria food, gags] It's delicious! It's delicious! I AM NORMAL!!
- [Dib throws a muffin at Zim's head]
- Zim: What?! WHO?! Who dares to soil my normal boy head with this PORK COW?!
- Poonchy: [pause] That's a stinking muffin!
- [Dib is asleep in bed. Two aliens fly in and wake him up. They transform into shoes]
- Dib: What?! What's happening?! Who...what are you, and why did you transform into giant shoes?
- Meekrob: We are beings of pure energy. This is merely a form your human brain can understand.
- Dib: But you just looked like aliens before you turned into shoes.
- Meekrob: Hmmm. Yes, but you couldn't comprehend that.
- Dib: Yes, I could.
- Dib: Today, things are gonna change. I'm not just gonna sit around and let Zim get away with his... things he do. I mean-
- Gaz: [mockingly] "Things he DO"? What's your problem?
- Dib: Why did you choose me?
- Meekrob: You're the worthiest, Dib. And no one else had a head large enough to accommodate such power.
- Meekrob: Dib... whatever your last name is.
- Dib: That's right.
- Zim: It's been nice working with you GIR, now self destruct.
- GIR: Finally! Hehehehehehe...
- [GIR explodes]
Hobo 13 [1.20a]
- Zim: With my mighty fists of horror and unstoppable cruelty, I am the tool of destruction, vengeance and fury!
- Sgt. Hobo: I only asked for your name! Next!
- Throbulator: I am Throbulator! I am a creature of pure headache! Yeeow, my head!
- Sgt. Hobo: Your name! That's all I want! Gah!
- Skoodge: Invader Skoodge, sir!
- Zim: Skoodge? I thought the Almighty Tallest killed you!
- Skoodge: Yeah, but I'm okay now.
- Sgt. Hobo: Prepare yourselves, you slime-licking smort crabs, to face a series of trials! The finish line is the dreaded fortress of pain! Any mistakes and you will be beamed away, to a losers' holding pen! The holding pen... of pain!
- Throbulator: The holding pen is painful?
- Sgt. Hobo: Yes!
- Throbulator: Does it have to be?!
- Sgt.Hobo: Not really.
- Sgt. Hobo: I'm really looking forward to twisting you into a twisted, horrible knot, made from you.
Walk for Your Lives [1.20b]
- GIR: A little to the left, okay? Step forward, okay? Look out for the monkey.
- Zim: Got it, okay. How am I doing? Okay monkey, got it, okay.
- GIR: Okay? Look out for the other monkey, okay?
- Zim: Okay, got it. Oh no, oh no, oh no ah aha ahaaah ahahaha! [crashing noise]
- GIR: Okay?
- Zim: Okay. LOOK OUT!
- Zim: We cannot fail, GIR. Even as a small Irken smeet my dream was to pass probing day like a Slor Beast passes her young. Jiggly! And full of juice…
- Dib: You're just going to blow us all up? This is stupid! This is stupid, stupid!
- Zim's Computer: But seriously Zim if you just speed up the explosion-
- Zim: I don't pay you to contradict me!
- Zim's Computer: You don't... pay me at ALL!
- GIR: [being used as a catapult for an accelerator to speed up the explosion] But if the big 'splodey goes fast, won't it get all bad?
The Most Horrible X-mas Ever [2.1]
- Mall Santa: And what do you want little boy or girl?
- GIR: I wants me a barrel of floss, I wants me two balls of glue...to be my friends! And I wants to go dancin' naked! And I wants...
- [Time passes; Santa looks extremely annoyed]
- GIR: ...and a chair made of cheese, and a table made of cheese, and a...
- Mall Santa: Ugh! No more! Get this kid away from me!
- Prof. Membrane: [flips a giant switch that turns the power of the world back on] Power is restored to the Earth once more. It's a good thing I... [begins floating] exist! [fires a laser at the door, allowing Dib and Gaz to enter]
- Zim: Oh, that's Mini-Moose, my other sidekick. Yep, been with me the whole time.
- Young Prof. Membrane: Oh, boy! I asked Santa for twelve cases of Uranium 238. Yay!
- [Prof. Membrane opens a present. Tube socks shoot out from the present and fill the room]
- Young Prof. Membrane: Nooo! Santa has let me down! I will turn my back on him and devote a portion of my life to destroying Santa! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Zim's Robot Elves: [singing] Bow down, bow down, before the power of Santa or be crushed, be crushed, by...his jolly boots of doom!
- Zim: Why does no one give earth moneys to Zim?
- Zim: Minimoose!
- Minimoose: [squeaks]
- Zim: How much have we collected?
- Minimoose: [squeaks and shows donation box with a few coins, a sandwich, and a heart]
- Zim: [smells sandwich] Tunnna?
Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars [2.2]
- Zim: The Tallest fail to realize that I'm inviting them for front row seats for the end of all mankind. My latest plan-
- Zim's Computer: The latest plan is about to explode.
- Zim: GIR!
- [A turkey sitting next to Zim explodes, revealing GIR]
- GIR: It's me! I was the turkey all along!
- Zim: I was wondering what that was doing there. GIR! I'm delaying the brain parasite plan for now. I want you to-
- GIR: I was the turkey! Me!
- Zim: Yes...so you were...
- Zim: Go home and shave your giant head of smell with your bad self!
- Dib: O...kaaay, there's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
- Lard Nar: That's The Massive out there. My people designed most of that thing, so I know how powerful it is... We're gonna die!! Whose idea was this?!
- Spleenk: Uh, mine. Sorry about that...
- Tallest Red: Identify yourself.
- Lord Nar: [disguised deep voice] We are the Resisty! And we have come to-
- Tallest Purple: Whoa, whoa whoa. Did you say the Resisty?
- Lord Nar: Yes the Resisty! And we have come to-
- Tallest Purple: That's a stupid name.
- Lord Nar: [regular voice] See! I told you it was stupid! Why do I keep listening to you?
- Spleenk: I don't know.
Mortos Der Soulstealer [2.3a]
- Zim: GIR! Another mutant biting thing!
- GIR: Yes, vermin lord!
- [Dib and Zim are on opposite sides of the road]
- Dib: ZIM!
- Zim: WHAT?
- Dib: ZIM!
- Zim: WHAT?
- Dib: ZIM!
- Zim: WHAT?
- Dib: YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT!
- Zim: [struggling to hear Dib] ...THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU!
- Dib: NO! YOUR PLAN! I'M GOING TO STOP YOU! I'VE GOT A SECRET WEAPON!
- Zim: WHERE IS IT?
- Dib: AROUND...
- Zim: CAN IT PROTECT YOU FROM- THIS?! [points to GIR]
- GIR: SAMMICH! [head opens and a sandwich flies out, hitting Dib and knocking him against the wall]
- [Zim laughs maniacally]
- GIR: I had a sammich in my head! [they walk away]
- Dib: Laugh now, space monster! But my weapon is so powerful, it- buys rubber pants!
- Mortos: [finishing his soda] Ah, Refreshing! Mortos grant wish now! [to Dib] What you want again? Hello?
- [Dib, busily wrestling Zim, doesn't hear Mortos. Da' Cone walks by Mortos]
- Da' Cone: Wee-hoo! I wish I had me some ice cream!
- Mortos: Your wish is granted!
- [Mortos summons a demon ice cream man that hands the pedestrian an ice cream cone]
- Da' Cone: Well whaddya know? [takes a lick] Ew, raisin.
- [He throws the ice cream to the ground]
- Dib: Noooo!
- Mortos: Mortos so weak... Must go return now…
- Dib: Nooo! Mortos, you still owe me!
- Mortos: Maybe next time you not be so cheap with Mortos. See you in a thousand years!
- GIR: PUPPY!! [licks the window]
- Zim: No, GIR! You can eat later! [pulls GIR away from the window]
- Dib: Zim! I don't know what your plan is, but I'm going to stop you!
- Zim: I am infecting the city with genetically mutated vermin, but you'll never know!
- Dib: You just told me.
- Zim: [screaming] YOU'RE LYING!
Zim Eats Waffles [2.3b]
- [Zim is reading a newspaper while he is being watched by Dib]
- Zim: Hey look, they're gonna start making artificial beavers.
- Dib: He's after our beaver technology! Is this his next evil plan?
- Zim: Well, time to work on my next evil plan...
- Dib: Talk about perfect timing!
- Greg: Thanks for calling the FBI, my name is Greg, how may I help you?
- Dib: I have an emergency! There's a kid who's-
- Greg: [laughing] Hey, wait. You're... Dib, right? Did you ever get that ninja ghost out of your toilet?
- Dib: Yes, no thanks to you!
- Zim: Hey, do you know who came by today?
- GIR: Hm?
- Zim: That ugly neighbor lady. She was wearing this horrible...
- [An evil looking squid pokes his head into the kitchen. Zim looks and it quickly leaves]
- Zim: Huh?
- [The squid leaps onto Zim's head and thrashes him about]
- Zim: Oh mighty dung! The giant flesh-eating demon squid has escaped!
- Zim: Hey. These aren't bad. What's in 'em?
- GIR: There's WAFFLE in 'em!
- Zim: YOU'RE LIEING!!
- Zim: AHHHH! The flesh-eating demon squid has escaped again and created an army of cyborg zombie soldiers to do its evil bidding!
- GIR: These have peanut and soap in 'em!
- Nick: Augh! It's horrible! Horrible! Army of cyborgs rendering Zim's very flesh! The carnage, it makes me so happy! Hehe!
- Gir: Guess who made waffles!
- Zim: I'm not going to eat-
- Gir: AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Zim: ENOUGH!! I shall try some already! [takes a bite] Well...they don't seem to be making me sick. You know, I think this will be a good way to build a tolerance to the human's FILTHY food! Okay, GIR. I will try-
- Gir: Hehehehehehe! [runs to get more waffles]
- Zim: And as soon as I'm done with these waffles, I shall discuss my evil plan!
- Zim: GIR, your waffles have sickened me. Fetch me the bucket!
The Girl Who Cried Gnome [2.4a]
- Zim: The Dib- the Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil! They'll destroy the base! There's only one thing to do!
- GIR: You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits?
- Zim: No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again.
- [GIR gets a shocked expression]
- GIR: [running around the house and Zim's base] We're on TV! We're on TV! We're on TV!
- Zim's Computer: There's someone at the door.
- Zim: Oh, what is it? I have not the patience for- AAAAAH! Girl with cookies! Girl with cookies!
- Moofy: Wanna buy some chocolate ninja star COOKIES?! MISTER?! HUH?!
- Giant Cookie Seller Girl: [to Dib] Hey! This is ham! You can't pay for cookies with ham!
- Dib: Why was there ham in my pocket?
Dibship Rising [2.4b]
- Prof. Membrane: [on a video monitor] Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!
- [Gaz puts the unopened can in the proton oven, but the power goes out]
- Gaz: Dib!
- Dib: Sorry, Gaz! Just doing a few adjustments on Tak's ship!
- [The power comes back on. Gaz adds two more cans then starts the oven. The bottom blows off in a small explosion]
- Gaz:That didn't wipe out all life as we know it?! You lied to me, Dad!
- Gaz: Hey, you're getting pieces of wall in the food!
- GIR: I LIKE CORN! I do.
Vindicated [2.5a]
- Coach. Walrus: I have shown you the horors of war...the devastation of famine...pictures of my birth! But I don't think you comprehend what awaits you in adult life. To better prepare you for the inevitable character building horrors, we will now play bludgeon-ball! It's fun!
- Dib: [surprised] You...you believe me? Wait a minute, you were in an experiment where they hit you in the head with car doors right?
- Dwicky: [looking at a picture of himself tied up in an alligator's mouth] Ha ha, almost, but no! I really do believe you!
- Teacher: Dwicky! Do you really believe in aliens?!
- Dwicky: [laughs] Not anymore! All the child-like wonder was ripped from my heart the day my foot got caught in an escalator and aliens didn't come rescue me! No, I'll just humor Dib until he tells me what the real problem is.
- Teacher: [spazzes out] AGH! That's...psycho-technical talk!! [falls to the floor]
- Dwicky: Indeed it is.
- Dwicky: A real space ship. Space ship! And you actually fly through the stars seeing all the universe?
- Mooshy: Well, flying through the stars would be pretty STUPID, man! But yeah, we fly around. You want to come along?
- Dwicky: Wow! Do I?!
- [Zim stuffs a globe into a goldfish bowl, goldfish is crushed against side of bowl]
- Zim: Now do you understand my latest and most brilliant plan for earth conquest, GIR?
- GIR: I'm gonna eat that fish.
- Zim: No, GIR. The fish is part of the plan.
The Voting of the Doomed [2.5b]
- Administration Droid: Do not be alarmed. The student president has experienced a failure in spirit. A new election will be held immediately. Volunteers? Volunteer?
- Zim: Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Pick Zim! Zim is me! Zim is me! Zim shall rule! Pick Zim! Zim! Me! I am Zim!
- Administration Droid: Zim. Analysis: moron. Suitable. Candidate 2 needed. Volunteers?
- Dib: But Zim's criminally insane! That's not good!
- Administration Droid: Dib. Analysis: annoying.
- [The droid slams a muzzle around Dib's head]
- Ms. Bitters: The candidates will now speak. And then be quiet! And then I go away from you all.
- Zim: As president, I will assure that all mankind has its legs sawed off!
- Zim: [nervously] And, uh, replaced with legs of pure gold!
- [The students smile approvingly]
- Zim: Yes! And I will grant you the power to fire lasers from your heads!
- The Letter M: I like gold!
- Morla: I like my head!
- Ms. Bitters: Candidate 2, be quick! I can only survive so long in the sun.
- Zim: Vote for Zim or I'll destroy you! Vote for Zim or I'll destroy you!
- Dib: Ms. Bitters! Zim is threatening the voters! He's disqualified, right?
- Ms. Bitters: [to an administration droid] The child shrieks like a fruit bat.
- [The droid slams another muzzle around Dib's head]
Gaz, Taster of Pork [2.6]
- [Dib casts a spell on Gaz without knowing what it does. The spell wakes Gaz up]
- Gaz: If there's one thing you should know by now, it's to stay out of my room!
- Dib: Do you feel different anyway?
- Gaz: Get out!
- Dib: X-ray vision, maybe? Super-smell?
- Gaz: That's it, Dib! Security!
- [Gaz's stuffed animals transform into robots with weapons. They advance on Dib who runs away screaming]
- [Gaz is in an isolation chamber after the spell Dib casts on her goes wrong. Dib is visiting her]
- Gaz: I'll make you wish you had rabid weasels teleported into your skull instead of having a sister! I'll wait until you sleep and stuff all your paranormal junk into your big, giant paranormal head and chew on your eyeballs after I pluck them out...
The Frycook What Came from All That Space [2.7]
- [Zim collapse from exhaustion and lands face down in a bucket of water]
- Sizz-Lorr: Break's over, Zim! Go man the register!
- Zim: Whuh?
- Sizz-Lorr: The register! Gashloog is taking his break! Now move it!!
- [Gashloog takes off his apron and skips gleefully out the door]
- Zim: Gashloog gets to take a break without exploding! Why not me?
- Sizz-Lorr: Because I hired him! You're here as punishment for almost annihilating our civilization!
- Zim: Am I the only one who is impressed by that?
- [GIR is talking to the Tallest via a video communicator]
- GIR: ...and then my master flew to the moon on a rocket of flamin' cheese! I like cheese!
- [Dib shoves GIR out of the way]
- Dib: Can I ask you something? What are your species' main weaknesses? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
- Tallest Purple: Who's that large-headed kid?
- Tallest Red: I don't know, but his head is large.
- Dib: [clears throat] Excuse me, alien scum? Gimme your planet's coordinates!
- Eric the Blob: Hey little Sizzly. You look sadder than me.
- Zim: It's this job, I hate it! And I can't leave or the security system will make me explode.
- Alien Kid: He gonna 'splode, momma!
- Zim: That horrible kid.
- Zim: [to alien] But I need to get back to my mission! My precious MISSION! What about them, huh? Gimme some of those! [snatches alien's fries]
- Zim: So, I say, "You want some of this?" And she says, she says, right back at me, she says-
- Alien: Who are you, and why are you talking to me?
- Zim: Sizzlor!
- Sizzlor: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!
- Zim: My apologies, My FRYLORD, but I have to return to my mission before it's too late. The Foodening is only a week away!
- Sizzlor: NEVER! Now put on this Happy Sloogore costume and fill the customers with joy! [throws Zim a mascot costume]
- Zim: But it's filled with white hot grease.
- Sizzlor: Makes you dance better.
Main cast
- Andy Berman - Dib
- Melissa Fahn - Gaz
- Richard Horvitz - Zim
- Rikki Simons - GIR
Recurring/guests
- Olivia d'Abo - Tak
- Lucille Bliss - Ms. Bitters
- Roger Bumpass - Prof. Membrane
- John de Lancie - Agent Darkbooty
- Kevin McDonald - Tallest Purple
- Wally Wingert - Tallest Red