JAG Quotations

JAG is an American TV series about fictional events at the Navy's Judge Advocate General's Corps. JAG is an elite legal wing of officers trained as lawyers who investigate, prosecute and defend those accused of crimes in the military, including murder, treason and terrorism. Most of the stories focus on the highs and lows of Captain Harmon Rabb, Jr., a hot-shot fighter pilot-turned lawyer who brings his fly-boy mentality to the courtroom, and Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, a tough, by-the-book Marine who often clashes with him, in and out of the courtroom.

JAG: A New Life: The 2hr Pilot

Cpt. Boone (CAG): Chief, if I bagged a Klingon I believe you would know what flag to paint on her.

CPO Ned Bannon: Klingons are easy, sir. Now a Romulan warship, that might be a problem. They're invisible.

Cpt. Ross: You have whoever sent that message to CNIC-Med on my quarterdeck by sunset, Mr. Rubin, or you'll spend the rest of your tour sending semaphore to Eskimos.

Lt. Kate Pike: I am 27 years old, a Harvard law school graduate, and a lieutenant in the same navy as you. Don't treat me as anything less!

Lt. Kate Pike: Those wings look good on you.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Well, you know what they about gold wings and dress whites. They'll get you in bed anywhere.

Lt. Kate Pike: Except here.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): You don't like female pilots, do you, son?

Lt. Jack 'Ripper' Carter: No sir, I do not.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): Neither do I. Don't believe they have the stomach for battle.

Lt. Jack 'Ripper' Carter: You got that right, CAG.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): But if one of my LSOs ever intentionally waved a pilot off because she was a female, I'd keelhaul him.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): We will be flying a Tomcat that has been modified for re-con and training missions. There's a complete set of controls in your cockpit. But if you touch anything other than your personal joystick, I will eject you over the Adriatic and forget where I did it.

Lt. Kate Pike: (about the CAG) What gives him the right to decide who belongs up there and who doesn't?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Twenty-five years and a thousand traps.

Lt. Kate Pike: You're FLYING?!?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: You really know how to build a guy's confidence, Kate.

(After making a night trap in a damaged Tomcat with an injured pilot)

CPO Ned Bannon: He's breathing.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: That makes one of us.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Before this gets embarrassing for both of us, you don't have to thank me.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): Thank you for what? You're a naval aviator, I damn well expected you to get us back.

Shadow [1.03]

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Kate sends her regrets.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: You know Kate?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Well enough for her to warn me, sir.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: About what?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: That's privileged information, Lieutenant.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I can decipher computer codes in as little as 30 seconds, sir.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: And as long as?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Three days, but that was in Chinese.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I thought nuclear subs were big.

Lt. Cmdr Scott: Those are the Boomers and missile boats. We're in a tag boat; small, compact.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: (bumps head) And deadly to anyone over 5'2"

Weapons Officer: What'd you fly, Lieutenant?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Tomcats

Weapons Officer: Tomcats to JAG?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I had a problem when they wouldn't give me another one.

Dirk Grover: We're not at the rendezvous?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: No, sir. You do not pass 'Go', you do not collect $40 million. You go straight to jail.

Desert Son [1.04]

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I have to plead Article 5 of the code of conduct.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Name, rank, serial number, and date of birth?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: It's the closest thing to an "I can't tell you how I'm how I'm gonna do it" article, sir.

Deja Vu [1.05]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: We were just talking.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Harm, you and I are just talking. You and she were tangoing across the dance floor half-naked, one foot in the nearest bedroom.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: And you got all that from a "Pleasure to meet you, too, Lieutenant?" Amazing.

(Meg is getting dressed for the evening in a short red dress and heels.)

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I'm on my way to meet Detective Axelrood.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Using your human approach?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: That's right.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Meaning you're wearing a dress.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Don't think you know me that well, because you don't. I'll be so subtle by the time I work my way around to asking for the file he'll barely notice.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Is it a red dress?

Pilot Error [1.06]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Sorry we're late, sir, we were misdirected.

James Reid: Is that a pilot's way of saying 'lost'?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Pilots don't get lost, Mr. Reid, just momentarily disoriented.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: You sound like my dad.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Uh-oh. I'm in trouble when you start comparing me to your father.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: My brother?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Even worse.

Lt. Tess McKee: Marines. You know, they're the only species on the planet that will develop a crush on you if you punch them out?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Five traps?!?!

Lt. Moore: It's what Lieutenant Pendry did the morning of his flight.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: That's like preparing for a football game with five boxing matches.

(after a rough carrier landing)

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Sorry, I'm a little rusty.

Lt. Tess McKee: You're not rusty, Lieutenant, you're corroded.

(Four landings later…)

Lt. Tess McKee: Thank God that's over, you're making me wish I'd joined the Air Force!

War Cries [1.07]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: If security gets any tighter, they'll be strip searching us.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I wouldn't get my hopes up, sir.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Would you be saying this if I were a man?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Yes. But if you were a man, you'd have some explaining to do about the way you fill out that uniform.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Looked more like intimidation.

Gunnery Sgt. Granger: Well, the enemy can be pretty damed intimidating.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I'm a lawyer, Cortez. No one is ever glad to see me.

Ambassador Bartlett: Is this vest thick enough, Gunney?

Gunnery Sgt. Granger: Oh, it's top of the line, all-spectra Guardian vest, ma'am. It will stop a 9mm round at point-blank range.

Ambassador Bartlett: What if someone aims at my head?

Gunnery Sgt. Granger: Duck, ma'am.

Brig Break [1.08]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Our first priority is the safety of the hostage.

Major Aspinal: My first priority is to bring escaped prisoners under control. For all I know, that hostage is dead!

Lt. Kate Pike: He's right, sir!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb & Major Aspinal: Who's right?!?!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: You give me one good reason why two of us should be doing this?

Lt. Kate Pike: They might not shoot a woman as quickly as a man.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Ok, you negotiate. (Hands over the white flag, turns to leave.)

Lt. Kate Pike: (stops him) I'm not that big a feminist.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: You're bleeding to death! (Removes his belt to use as a tourniquet)

Petty Officer Peter Quinn: Lieutenant, we barely know each other.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: We're looking for a 5 digit code with a 7.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: How much time?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: 7 minutes. Funny, huh?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb & Lt. Kate Pike: No!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Who was right?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I don't think the wrong one would want you to know that, sir.

Scimitar [1.09]

Lt. Dumai: Do you respect no man?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Respect, yes. Fear, no.

Colonel Ahmad Al-Barzan: How can work compare to the caresses of a man you love?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I wasn't comparing them, Colonel. You were.

Colonel Ahmad Al-Barzan: A woman like you needs a strong hand.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I already have a strong hand. My own.

Lt. Dumai: You think that you are superior to me because men treat you as an equal.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: No. And not all men treat me as an equal. I just don't accept the behavior of those who don't as correct.

Lt. Dumai: Have you ever heard of Babylon?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Of course. Everyone's heard of ancient Babylon. The Tower, and the Hanging Gardens….

Lt. Dumai: It is 3000 years old and we have other cities even older, and how old is America?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: A little over 200 years.

Lt. Dumai: Your country is like a child who has learned nothing yet thinks it knows everything. Let your civilization survive its first thousand years; then perhaps we'll begin to listen.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Even the young have something of value to offer.

Lt. Dumai: But is it not for the old to decide if they want accept it?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Yes.

Lt. Dumai: Then why do you try so hard to push your ways on me?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Because I can't stand to see anyone denied their human right.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Are you comparing me to a prostitute?

Corporal David Anderson: Uh, no ma'am, I didn't say that!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I did! And I meant she was spunky.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: 'Spunky' doesn't cut it, sir.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: How about pretty?

Boot [1.10]

(Editor's note: 'Boot' was originally supposed to be aired after episode 1.13, 'Defensive Action'. At the beginning of that episode, Rabb is promoted to Lieutenant Commander. This is why he is a LCDR in this episode and a LT in the next)

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey: That's what I told them. That occasionally circumstances dictate that we have to act beyond the courtroom. Then State wanted to look at your cases for the past few months, and wanted to know if staging jailbreaks in Iraq, flying missions in F-14s, and recovering stolen nuclear weapons qualified as "occasionally."

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Well, they say the Navy is not just a job, it's an adventure.

Sergeant Carrington: You must satisfy me, or you will never leave this island. And don't get any bright ideas. Because we have a swamp so deep, it will take you down quicker than your boyfriend.

Private Johnson: My man's out there, ain't no swamp gonna stop me.

Private Johnson: Next time you screw up, you and I are gonna have a little night visit.

Private Whitley: Leave her alone.

Private Johnson: You want some of me? (Silence) That's what I thought. (to Meg) You straight?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Uh-huh. Are you?

Sergeant Carrington: A Marine should always be alert. I will demonstrate why. (Pushes Meg into a mud pit)

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Staff Sergeant Carrington, I'd like you to meet Lieutenant JG Austin,

Sergeant Carrington: (Surprised look) Ma'am.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I know it wasn't personal. You were just doing your job.

Sergeant Carrington: Yes ma'am, that's because I thought Private McEntire had a future in the military. I just didn't realize how right I was. Ma'am.

Sightings [1.11]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: My four bits.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I never understood bits.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: It comes from the old Spanish dollar, pieces of eight. Two bits to a quarter, four bits, fifty cents, my fifty cents which is in your pocket.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I bet you go Dutch on dates.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: You expect the spaceships to be lined up along the tarmac?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Very funny.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Seriously. If there was a race advanced enough to travel millions of light-years to Earth, I truly doubt we could catch them, no matter how much we wanted to.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I counted the beams. There are at least five of them out there.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Five what?

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Men. Those are targeting beams.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Targeting beams are red.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Well, maybe they don't like red

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Or can't see red.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Cathy, did they come in a, uh…

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: You can't even say it. A spaceship.

Cathy Gold: If they did that, they wouldn't be ghosts, they'd be aliens!

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: How do I write this up, Meg?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: By the book.

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: You really want me to enter that you first thought we were dealing with a UFO full of little green men?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Shut up and drive. Sir.

The Brotherhood [1.12]

Lt. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: That's a little crazy even for a Marine.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Nothing's too crazy for Marines.

Captain Overton: That piece of crap will blow your hand off if you pop it, the barrel's full of dirt.

(Tyler goes to check it.)

Captain Overton: Oh, that's smart, look down the barrel of a loaded pistol.

Reaper: Top Gun and Snowflake have arrived.

Reaper: 'Be all that you can be.'

(Shoots Tyler's gun, it explodes in his hand.)

Captain Overton: That's the Army slogan, Lefty.

Tyler Hanson: Call me T.

Gunnery Sergeant Cane: I will call you a lot of names, boy, but it will not be 'T'.

Defensive Action [1.13]

CPO Ned Bannon: (of carrier aviation) You still miss it don't you, sir?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Only when I'm back onboard. Or see a jet. Shaving in the morning, in my dreams, eating a pizza, watching a movie…

Commander Alison Krennick: If I were you, talking hypothetically, of course, I'd be asking for a deal.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Well, I'm not, but since we're talking hypothetically, what would that deal be?

Commander Alison Krennick: CAG resigns, admits his responsibility, court-martial never happens.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): You can go to hell. Hypothetically.

Commander Alison Krennick: Does the Crusader's profile look anything like that of a MiG?

Cpt. Boone (CAG): No it does not.

Commander Alison Krennick: But that's what the pilot saw. He is enemy airspace, and having encountered MiGs earlier in the day, his brain turned your Crusader into a MiG.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): He was an Air Force pilot.

Cpt. Ross: You've got your overflight. In a Sea Stallion. Marines have been known to jump out of them. Of course, they're highly trained and a touch crazy…but so are some Navy lawyers I know.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): Gentlemen, since I am not a lawyer, I'll be brief.

Commander Alison Krennick: Good God, we're dealing with Abe Lincoln.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): I am a naval aviator. With 11000 flying hours, 908 of which were in combat. I know gunfire when I see it; I did not imagine it. The Hind was firing at my men while they hung helpless in their chutes. What I did, I would do again without hesitation even if doing so meant ending my naval career. God knows it is not a career I wish to end, that will happen soon enough. But better that than to break the sacred trust between an officer and those he commands to do what ever is in his power to protect them, not only when such action is obvious or politically correct, but even when it is sure to be unpopular and questioned. The day that I can no longer live up to that trust you will not have to ask for my resignation, gentleman, it will be tendered without hesitation.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I'd love to see the faces of the three officers who voted guilty when they hear about this.

Commander Alison Krennick: No way of knowing who they are.

Cpt. Boone (CAG): Oh, I know who they are.

Commander Alison Krennick: You do?

Cpt. Boone (CAG): Hell yes, I do.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: How would he know?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: He's the CAG!

Smoked [1.14]

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: All they have to do is download five chips and they'll have what makes the Tomcat so lethal.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: The pilot?

Cmdr Alison Krennick: Your wings are glinting, Commander

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Sir, the Secretary wants to know why we're not turning back.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: He told me to land at the nearest field, it's in Cuba.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Harm, he'll have a heart attack!

Havana Approach: (over radio) 7-Zulu, I repeat, what is the nature of your emergency?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Havana, 7-Zulu. We have a medical emergency, a passenger is going into cardiac arrest!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I wouldn't flash a yellow, I'd go straight to red around here.

Captain Carlos Fuente: I assume the commander was referring to a stoplight. And this stoplight has something to do with sexual advances?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Why would you think that?

Captain Carlos Fuente: A warning from a man to a woman left alone with another man usually does.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: It's part our Navy sexual sensitivity training. It's an inoffensive way to signal a male when his speech or behavior is inappropriate.

Captain Carlos Fuente: The most powerful Navy in the world actually teaches this kindergarten approach to sex?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: It works.

Captain Carlos Fuente: Lieutenant...

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Sometimes.

Captain Carlos Fuente: And are Navy women permitted to signal green lights?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: I suppose so.

Captain Carlos Fuente: And what would I have to do to get a green light, Lieutenant Austin?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Yellow light, Captain Fuente.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: You said anything I asked!

Raoul: I've got a big mouth!

Assistant Secretary of State David Bair: How did you sabotage it?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: With a Navy-issue 34-inch brass-tipped cinch.

Assistant Secretary of State David Bair: What the hell is that?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: My belt.

Hemlock [1.15]

Hemlock: I'm afraid your Lieutenant Commander is in for some rough seas.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: He's a survivor, sir.

Hemlock: We'll see.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Sir?

(Hemlock shoots Meg in the head)

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Steal their thunder! S.O.B. comes in here and shoots one of my officers, I want him stuffed and put in my trophy room. And I want us to do it.

Cmdr. Alison Krennick: Something wrong?

Computer Hacker: (looking at Krennick's chest) Are those real or did you, uh, buy them?

Cmdr. Alison Krennick: Original equipment. Inherited from my grandmother.

Computer Hacker: My grandmother, uh, left me this place. But I like what yours, uh, left you, uh, better.

Cmdr. Alison Krennick: So do I.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Hey, Harm.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Hi, Meg.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: How was lunch?

High Ground [1.16]

Gunnery Sergeant Ray Crockett: See, I know things, sir. For instance, I know you are either a cross-dressing weirdo, or you work real close with a woman. (sniffs) Perfume. Nice one. French, I'd say. Chanel.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin:Imagine one person killing 163 men.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Yeah, well, it's real easy to imagine if you've ever fired a Tomahawk missile in combat.

Cmdr Alison Krennick: I've planned an officers' retreat at Admiral Chegwidden's beach house on Hilton Head. I expect you to attend.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I may have to send my regrets to the admiral.

Cmdr Alison Krennick: Actually, the admiral won't be there. Just you and me.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: For 27 years the Corps asked Crockett to put his soul in storage, and perform a duty which few men are capable of. I submit it is time to give Crockett the space his soul needs to find some peace. sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Still don't remember him, do you, Gunny?

Gunnery Sergeant Ray Crockett: Commander, a Gunnery Sergeant don't tell a two-star he don't remember him.

Black Ops [1.17]

Senator Grace Marion: My son was destined for more than a 6x3 plot at Arlington.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: They all were, ma'am.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I guess you really do have to be crazy to be a SEAL.

Lt. Alexander Kellogue: It's no crazier than ejecting from a cockpit with a rocket up your butt, sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Maybe not, but I only do that when I don't have a choice.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: My name is Admiral Chegwidden. I am the Judge Advocate General of the United States Navy. Before I leave this hanger, I will know the why and the how of Lieutenant Douglas Marion's death, or Commander Rabb, here, is gonna have your ass... and I'm gonna own your soul.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: No death is useless, they all serve a purpose. Even if in our grief, it eludes us.

(just before a parachute jump into the ocean)

Lt. Alexander Kellogue: By the way, Commander Rabb, can you swim?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Now's a hell of a time to ask!

Survivors [1.18]

Joyce Anderson: Arresting Matt could ruin his career.

Divorce Lawyer: Mrs. Anderson, most ex-wives would pay me double for that.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: So far defending Striker's buddy has cost me $350 for a new suit, 12 days of leave time, and a bruised ego.

Recovery [1.19]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: The space program likes Navy pilots. We make their best astronauts.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Right, I think I read that somewhere in Kepler's laws of planetary motion.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Hey, all I need to say is the first American in outer space was not an Air Force jock. They put up a man who knew how to make a trap.

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Then why was the first man in orbit a Marine?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: (re: Apollo 11) I bet there were a lot of future astronauts recruited that night.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Yeah, bet there were. What do you remember about it?

Lt. J.G. Meg Austin: Nothing. I was a baby.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Seems perverted to rig an aerodynamic bird like this to fly like an anvil.

Lt. Cmdr. Mark Lowrey: You know, on a scale of one to ten, I gave you a 3.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: That high?

Major Russell: You know the guy who is responsible your your STA problems?

Lt. Cmdr. Mark Lowrey: I hope not personally.

Major Russell: Lieutenant Commander Rabb thinks he may have done something to the capture arm.

Lt. Cmdr. Mark Lowrey: Terrific.

The Prisoner [1.20]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Harm. Harmon Rabb I'm a Lieutenant Commander in United States navy.

(laughter)

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: What's so funny?

Voice: You tell Colonol Han, I've been here too long to play a game like this anymore.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Why are you saying that?

Voice: Because I'm Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb, US Navy.

Voice: Remember what I used to tell you when you were little?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Always address adults as 'sir' or 'ma'am' and never play with matches?

Voice: And that our instincts are always right, we just learn to ignore them.

Colonel Yung-Chi: I am not Han. My name is Colonel Yung-Chi. I replaced Colonel Han, 10 years ago.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Ten years ago?

Colonel Yung-Chi: Yes. Who told you about Colonel Han?

(Harm turns back towards the border)

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: My father.

Ares [1.21]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Eager to get out, more like. I didn't feel safe from any last minute assignments until I was on the plane.

Lt. Kate Pike: A false sense of security.

Lt. Kate Pike: I have become an expert at turning temporary assignments into semi-permanent exile

Lieutenant Donovan: (re: Ares control system) It can practically run the whole ship.

Lt. Kate Pike: Why even keep the crew on board?

Lieutenant Donovan: We have a good union.

Lt. Cmdr Gino Campisano: I walk out of here, or he dies.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Try it. I don't like him, anyway. What's it gonna be?

(Rabb shoots Campisano)

Commander Dennis Brockman: You could have killed me!

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Would you rather he had killed you?

Flight Attendant: (over intercom) Paging passenger Rabb, Lieutenant Commander Rabb, please press your call button.

Lt. Kate Pike: I think I hear duty calling.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: No!

Flight Attendant: (over intercom) Lieutenant Commander Rabb, please press your call button so the flight attendant can locate you. You have an emergency message.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: No! (off Kate's look) (jabs call button)

Skeleton Crew [1.22]

Ensign Bud Roberts: We can get eggs and pancakes on the ship, I don't know why you want to pay for them at the diner.

CPO Ned Bannon: Mr. Roberts, if you don't understand that after 6 months at sea I can't explain it to you.

Agent Brian Turque: You can't investigate the murder of your girlfriend.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: How about my sister?

Agent Brian Turque: She was your sister?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: No, but that's a better way to describe our relationship, and I'm not leaving her murder investigation to someone who jumps to conclusions as fast as you.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Nobody pulls a JAG officer off an investigation except me or God, and He hasn't asked.

Cmdr. Alison Krennick: I've always maintained that there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between a healthy man and woman, unless one of them is gay and the other is neutered.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Diane and I never slept together.

Cmdr. Alison Krennick: What were you going to do all weekend, play gin?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Red light, Commander.

Cmdr. Alison Krennick: My God, I think you really mean it.

We the People [2.1]

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Well done, Commander.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Thank you, sir.

Lt. J.G. Bud Roberts: Very well done, sir

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Don't over do it, Mr. Roberts, he's a naval aviator. With his wings comes an ego as big as an Admiral's.

Lt. J.G. Bud Roberts: One or two stars, sir? (silence) I was joking,sir

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Lieutenant J.G.s don't joke with admirals, son, it could get him transferred to a supply ship in the Aleutians. Joking is strictly an admiral's privilege.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: We have 33 minutes, Commander.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: How do you do that?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I've got great timing.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Hey, there's a bed back here.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: So?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Well, it fits our cover story.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I keep forgetting I don't know you.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Deja vu again?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Only whenever I see your face. Or hear you talk. I wouldn't know about your smile, I haven't seen one yet.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: There's not much to smile about.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: I guess not.

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Sounds like I have a twin out there.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb: Not anymore.

Colonel Matt O'Hara: Where did you find this sailor, Sarah?

Maj. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: In a rose garden, Uncle Matt.

Heroes [2.4]

Mac: If you have some evidence I should know about...

Harm: You'll eventually get it, and then you can plea bargain.

Mac: In your dreams, Commander.

Harm: Oh, you don't want to be in my dreams, Major.

Mac: Red light, Commander.

Harm: Red light? There was nothing sexual in what I said, and if you think there was, then maybe, I should give you the red light.

Chief Herradin: Takes a big man to admit he's wrong, Commander.

Harm: Well, I don't know about being a big man. But I was wrong.

Chief Herradin: You're damn right you were wrong. My son died for his country. You tried to take that away from me.

Harm: He didn't die for his country, Chief. He died for you.

Chief Herradin: (chuckles) What's that supposed to mean?

Harm: Your son was HIV positive.

Chief Herradin: What?

Harm: And he couldn't admit that to you. Or that he was a homosexual. So rather than face you, he stood up into Chief Connors' line of fire.

Chief Herradin: disbelieving look

Harm: Congratulations on your son's Navy cross, Chief.

throws his entire glass of beer in Chief Herradin's face

Harm (cont'd): You earned it.

Harm: Well, I thought it was pretty funny when you ducked under the table.

Mac: I'm a Marine, Harm. Marines don't duck.

Harm: What do Marines do?

Mac: They take cover, but they never duck.

Mac: Cute does not work with me, Harm.

Harm: I wasn't being cute. I was being funny.

Washington Holiday [2.9]

Harm: When awkwardness goes to $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to Bud's head.

Mac: Aw, Harm, it just takes him a little while to get warmed up.

Harm: Warmed up? Love isn't baseball, Mac.

Mac: How would you know?

The Game of Go [2.10]

Mac: What they say about dress whites and gold wings?

Harm: Yeah?

Mac: Very overrated.

Harm: We'll see.

Rendezvous [2.15]

Harm: Oh, my goodness. The Admiral sent Sarah MacKenzie.

Mac: You nervous already?

Harm: And why would I be nervous?

Mac: Well, you know, I have beaten you before.

Harm: That doesn't count. I dropped that case.

Mac: Yeah, you keep dreaming, flyboy.

Lt. Roberts: Lieutenant J.G. Roberts, that's my name!

Commander Rabb: Yes it is, Bud.

Lt. Roberts: Defending Western civilization makes people horny.

Ghost Ship [3.01]

Lt. Roberts: Yours is not to reason why, yours is but...to do research.

Vanished [3.06]

Harm: (speaking to Bud while he is eating a doughnut) Doughnut

Bud: Power Nut

Harm: Excuse Me?

Bud: No, not you sir the doughnut

Yeah, Baby

Chloe Madison: Harm and Mac, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Lt. Cmdr. Rabb: You ok?

Maj. Mackenzie: Every time I think I've put the pieces of my life together, someone comes along and jumbles them back up. Humph. Everyone who has ever meant anything to me is leaving my life.

Rabb: It will be OK, Mac. You'll get to see Chloe again. One day you'll have kids of your own.

Mac: Yeah, not at this rate. My biological clock is going off and I keep hitting the snooze button. Ha.

Rabb: Tell you what. Five years from this moment, if neither of us is in a relationship we'll have some kids.

Mac: You and me, have a baby together?

Rabb: Hmmmm, with your looks and my brains he'll be perfect.

Mac: And what if she has your looks and my brains?

Rabb: That could work, too. So, what do you say? Deal?

Mac: Don't make a promise you can't keep.

Rabb: I haven't yet.

Lifeline [6.22]

Harm: (talking about Mic) Do you love him?

Mac: Do you love Renee?

Harm: I'm not marrying Renee

Mac: We should, we should go back in.

Harm: Hey, do you love him?

Mac: That's not a question you get to ask.

Season 7

PO Coates: "My father was a minister...he kind of soured me on God/"

Lt. Simms: "Maybe you should give Him another chance."

PO Coates: "I'm not really interested in patching things up with my Dad."

Lt. Simms: "That's not the 'Him' I was talking about."

Shifting Sands

Commander Sturgis Turner: I consider myself a forgiving Christian, but I'm having problems with this one. (talking about Bud)

Harm: If it's any consolation, I forgive you for having a job that I still want.

Commander Sturgis Turner: (Harms' phone rings) Job offer?

Harm: CIA. Deputy director wants to see me.

Commander Sturgis Turner: What did you do?

Fair Winds and Following Seas

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Upon retiring, Admiral Chegwidden gave me his JAG coin. I thought it would be most appropriate for this decision. This side is heads. This tails. The bride will call the toss.

Lt. Col. Sarah Mackenzie: Tails.

Bud: I always wanted to do this at the Super Bowl. (Final line of the series)

Unidentified Episodes

General Cresswell: Old habits die hard.

Cmdr. Turner: [speaking to LCMDR Roberts] Bud, for a mild-mannered you do seem to piss alot of people off.

Commander Rabb: I said good, Bud, not the Second Coming.

Commander Rabb: "That's quite a catch that catch-22" (When Col. Mackenzie is trying to remove herself from a case)

Mac: Must be nice.

Sturgis: What's that?

Mac: To be above it all. 'I wouldn't do it but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.' Now that's cowardly.

Cast

David James Elliott - Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.
Catherine Bell - Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie
Patrick Labyorteaux - Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts, Jr.
John M. Jackson - Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden
Karri Turner - Lt. Harriet Sims/Roberts
Chuck Carrington - Petty Officer Tiner
Zoe McLellan - P.O. Jennifer Coates
Scott Lawrence - Cmdr. Sturgis Turner
Randy Vasquez - Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez
Trevor Goddard - Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby
Steven Culp - Special Agent Clayton Webb
David Andrews - Major General Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell

Quoternity