Las Vegas Quotations

Las Vegas was an American television series that aired on NBC from September 22, 2003 to February 15, 2008. The show focuses on a team of people working in the fictional Montecito Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada—dealing with issues that arise within the working environment, ranging from valet parking and restaurant management to casino security.

Hide and Sneak

Delinda Deline: Sam. Have you seen Seth? I'm really worried about him.

Sam Marquez: Delinda, he's an adult.

Delinda Deline: He shows up this sweet, unspoiled country boy and now I've turned him into some sort of --

Sam Marquez: American?

Delinda Deline: Oh, God.

Sam Marquez: Yeah. Listen, there's this thing. I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not. It's called personal responsibility.

Delinda Deline: Yeah, but he's overdoing it. And it's all my fault.

Sam Marquez: Good. Everyone overdoes it. That's why we're here.

Delinda Deline: Yeah, but he's picking up slutty girls.

Sam Marquez: That's excellent, actually. He wears the Boy George hats, but he's not gay.

Delinda Deline: And he's drinking like a fish.

Sam Marquez: Helps kill the slutty girl germs.

Viva Las Vegas

Delinda Deline: Do you know what it's like to have Big Ed Deline breathing down your neck every second of the day?

Danny McCoy: Well, yeah.

Delinda Deline: That's right. I forgot. He did catch us in bed. It was fun. We should do it again sometime.

Monica Mancuso: You know, Danny, I haven't seen Samantha Marquez here.

Danny McCoy: That's because she's not here.

Monica Mancuso: She seems to have disappeared with all her clients, which I don't have to tell you means millions of dollars to the Montecito's bottom line. I need those clients here on opening night.

Danny McCoy: Nobody has seen or heard from Sam since she left.

Monica Mancuso: Well, given your impressive background, I don't think you're going to have too much trouble tracking her down.

Danny McCoy: Well you don't know Sam. If she doesn't want to be found, she won't be.

Monica Mancuso: What is she, all of four foot nothing? Find her!

Danny McCoy: Even if I did find her, what if she doesn't want to come back?

Monica Mancuso: Then I'll poach her clients.

Sam Marquez: If that bitch thinks that she is going to get away with this, she has another think coming!

Danny McCoy: It looks like she already has.

Fake The Money And Run

Monica Mancuso: Come on, show some cleavage. It's a casino, not a convent.

Whatever Happened To Seymour Magoon?

Monica Mancuso: Who is she?

Danny McCoy: Who is who?

Monica Mancuso: Come on. You wore the same suit yesterday. You have that pathetic, puppy dog grin on your face. My guess, some woman's got you by the 'nads. My advice: cut her loose. Women cannot be trusted.

Danny McCoy: Okay.

Monica Mancuso: Hello? I know what I'm talking about.

Delinda Deline: I hate to say this, Sam, but you smell like a dog.

Sam Marquez: Yeah! It's Beaumont, of Silver Springs. He's this big, goofy Great Dane. My whale's showing him at the competition.

Delinda Deline: How adorable!

Sam Marquez: Yeah, he is. He reminds me of my first love, John Butler. I can't get over the resemblance.

Delinda Deline: Not the dog. The whale, right?

Sam Marquez: Yeah, I have a date with him tonight. I feel like a girl. Let's sit down and talk about it!

The Real McCoy

Bob Marquez: Hey, sis!

Sam Marquez: Hey sis. Who are you, Greg Brady? Who says things like that?

Sam Marquez: Dear, God, please make them stop.

Mike Cannon: Yeah, your brother and your boss. Not the most holy of unions.

Sam Marquez: Nuh-uh. What am I gonna do?

Mike Cannon: Ignore it.

Sam Marquez: I'm trying, but I can't. I mean, this is interfering with my job. The time I've spent showering, alone.

Mike Cannon: Showering?

Sam Marquez: Should I talk to him? I should talk to him! Thanks, Mike!

Delinda Deline: Two words: Polyester.

Ed Deline: Two words: Calm down.

Delinda Deline: Don't tell me to calm down! You're not even listening to me!

Ed Deline: No, I'm not. I'm trying to study for my driver's test.

Delinda Deline: No one studies for their driver's test!

Ed Deline: Well not everyone has a genius IQ, sweetheart.

Delinda Deline: It does come in handy sometimes. Hey, quit changing the subject! This is a slippery slope, Daddy. I mean, first the wait-staff at Mystique wears polyester uniforms, then who knows what she'll suggest? Stripes with plaids? Denim on denim's? Skorts?!

Ed Deline: Skorts? What's a skort?

Delinda Deline: Where does it end, Daddy? Where??

Bob Marquez: She touches me, Sam, to the soul and beyond.

Sam Marquez: I'm going to slap you.

Bob Marquez: We're soulmates, and I'm thinking she's going to be part of our family one day.

Sam Marquez: I'm going to go throw up.

Bold, Beautiful And Blue

Delinda Deline: Did you know I was a magician's assistance once?

Sam Marquez: Why does that not surprise me?

Delinda Deline: The Amazing Roger. He was super cute. I actually learned a few tricks myself.

Mike Cannon: Really? Like what?

Delinda Deline: Once we were driving home from a show, and I put my hand on his thigh and he turned into a motel.

Monica Mancuso: [Looking at Mary and Sam's revealing tops] I'm sorry, did we open a Hooters?

Sam Marquez: [Motioning to Monica's chest] If we did, you're in trouble.

Mothwoman

Green Phantom: Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Green Phantom!

Delinda Deline: Actually, you're costume is wrong.

Green Phantom: What?

Delinda Deline: Your mask should be less Batman and more Zorro. Your cape's too long and your boots are all wrong, and hike up your pants for God's sake! You're supposed to be a super hero!

Delinda Deline: I guess it's just me and you, girl.

Sam Marquez: Oy.

Delinda Deline: Oh, great. Every casino host in town is here.

Sam Marquez: Aw, that's so sweet. They all came to pay their respects. What a nice little club you belong to.

Delinda Deline: They're not here to pay their respects. They're all after J.W.'s black book!

Sam Marquez: That's not very nice.

Delinda Deline: Casino hosts aren't very nice people.

Sam Marquez: But Sam, you're a casino host.

Delinda Deline: Exactly.

Sam Marquez: I smell whales.

Delinda Deline: I smell embalming fluid.

For Sail By Owner

Delinda Deline: Did you hear about Monica?

Sam Marquez: No, what?

Delinda Deline: Flew off the roof last night, landed over at the Wynn. Crashed right into the Manolo Blahnik one day sample sale.

Sam Marquez: You're kidding! That was yesterday?

Delinda Deline: Check them out. [Shows Sam her black sandal pumps] Aren't they delicious?

Sam Marquez: They're fabulous!

Sam Marquez: I hate funerals. Pretending to mourn for someone you despised. Doesn't that bother you guys?

Delinda Deline: Not me. I like pretending.

Mary Connell: Now that we know Monica left it all to charity, I feel like maybe she was just misunderstood.

Sam Marquez: Really? I feel like maybe she was just a bitch.

Bait And Switch

Danny McCoy: Have a seat.

Delinda Deline: Shouldn't I be handcuffed?

Danny McCoy: No. I'm just going to ask you a few questions.

Delinda Deline: Yes, you are the best sex ever. Have you ever done it in here?

Danny McCoy: No. No, I haven't.

Delinda Deline: I bet you have, and you probably invited a few people to watch. I'd try that. I bet it would be fun.

Danny McCoy: You know, you're the second person I've run into today that thought that.

Delinda Deline: So, you want to?

Danny McCoy: No! I'm trying to conduct an interview here, Delinda, so just --

Delinda Deline: Okay! I'm sorry!

Danny McCoy: Be professional. So, did you notice anything unusual at the video shoot?

Delinda Deline: I'm not wearing any panties.

Delinda Deline: Just so you know, before when I asked about you being sweet on me, I wasn't suggesting anything.

Danny McCoy: Yes you were!

Delinda Deline: You wish I was!

Danny McCoy: No, you were. The only thing that I wish is that we didn't have to beat around the bush. We're consenting adults, right?

Delinda Deline: Absolutely!

Danny McCoy: Absolutely. I mean, if we want to have sex with each other we should just say so.

Delinda Deline: Absolutely.

The Bitch is Back

Mike Cooper: That reverse psychology stuff, that's cheating, Sam.

Sam Marquez: Uh-huh. If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin', Mike.

Mike Cooper: Damn.

Delinda Deline: [Trips]] Ouch!

Ed Deline: Honey, are you okay?

Delinda Deline: Ow! My shoe!

Mary Connell: Aren't those the shoes you got at the sale where Monica...

Delinda Deline: Yes. I'm still breaking them in, I guess.

Ed Deline: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. You bought those shoes where she died?

Delinda Deline: They were on sale.

Mary Connell: Is that the infamous Paul Logan I see at BlackJack 22?

Sam Marquez: Yep.

Mary Connell: He seems so --

Sam Marquez: Stupid?

Mary Connell: I was going to say sophisticated.

Sam Marquez: That's not sophisticated, it's British. Don't get confused.

Sam Marquez: You've got to hand it to Monica.

Mary Connell: What?

Sam Marquez: Even death can't keep that bitch from ruining my life.

And Here's Mike With The Weather

Sam Marquez: Who's the hottest server you have working right now?

Delinda Deline: I would have to say Steve. He has a nice, tight little ass.

Sam Marquez: Not a guy. A female.

Delinda Deline: Are you thinking about switching teams again?

Sam Marquez: I want someone to listen in and these two and report back to me.

Delinda Deline: Why, what's going on?

Sam Marquez: Anything to do with the Montecito's gaming license or potential lack thereof effects my bottom line.

Delinda Deline: And you don't think they'll mind if some hot girl is just hovering around them?

Sam Marquez: Listen to what you just said.

Coyote Ugly

Delinda Deline: Was it fun being mean?

Sam Marquez: Of course it is. Why do you think I do it all the time?

Sam Marquez: Hey, you know what, Mary? My client over there, he's lost 250 grand.

Delinda Deline: He's really --

Sam Marquez: Sad. Yeah.

Mary Connell: Aw.

Sam Marquez: Yeah, he's sad. Listen, maybe you could just go over there and kind of be yourself.

Delinda Deline: Be super sweet!

Sam Marquez: Yeah, be nice to him.

Mary Connell: Poor guy.

Sam Marquez: Thanks, sweetie.

Delinda Deline: Thanks, Mar. She does come in handy.

Sam Marquez: She does come in handy sometimes.

Like A Virgin

Mary Connell: That's sweet.

Sam Marquez: Yeah, sweet. He's up on us by over a million dollars. Why are you still such a hopeless romantic? You're weird.

Mary Connell: You're weird! And another thing, Lipworth is spending a lot more than a mil on this wedding. So while your commission might be effected by the fact that he stopped playing, the Montecito will still come out way ahead, which is all I care about!

Sam Marquez: Pretty sassy there sassafrass.

Mary Connell: Is it too much?

Sam Marquez: I like it.

Mary Connell: I'm still working on it.

Delinda's Box: Part 2

Delinda Deline: You're going to die, you know. They shut down your airport. It's only a matter of time.

Kidnapper: By the time the police figure any of this out I'll be on a beach earning twenty percent.

Delinda Deline: [Laughs]

Kidnapper: I'm glad you think all of this is funny.

Delinda Deline: What's funny is you actually think the police will be involved. There will be no police, no FBI. There will only be men whose sole responsibility will be to hunt you down and kill you. All of you. And they will. They always do.

Delinda Deline: Sucks to be you.

White Christmas

Delinda Deline: I just want our first Christmas together to be special, do you know what I mean?

Sam Marquez: He is just pissing away his money.

Delinda Deline: Isn't that what you want?

Sam Marquez: Of course it's what we want, but we want people to piss away their money correctly.

Delinda Deline: Oh. I didn't know there was a correct way to piss away money.

Sam Marquez: Well there is! Now what is it you're going on about?

Delinda Deline: It's Danny and mine's first Christmas. I'm planning a special, candlelit romantic Christmas Eve dinner. Then a little cuddling by the fire --

Sam Marquez: Okay, hold it. I don't want to hear about you and Danny playing hide the salami in front of the fireplace or under the Christmas tree.

Delinda Deline: Why does everyone think that's all we do?

Sam Marquez: Because you two couldn't stop banging each other if your lives depended on it.

Delinda Deline: [Smiles]

Sam Marquez: In fact, I'm surprised you two aren't permanently attached at the crotch.

Delinda Deline: I have no idea what to get Sam for Christmas.

Mary Connell: How about anti-evil pills? Oh, that's right, the ones she got last year didn't do the trick.

Pharaoh 'Nuff

Sam Marquez: I need a favor.

Delinda Deline: What's up?

Sam Marquez: I need you to be Asad Sumar's casino host for at least a day.

Delinda Deline: What?

Sam Marquez: I know he bought you that expensive dress, if you say no you'll look like a money grubbing whore.

Delinda Deline: You know about the dress?

Sam Marquez: Everybody knows about the dress.

Delinda Deline: Even Danny?

Sam Marquez: He's actually a little smarter than he looks, isn't he?

Delinda Deline: I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass.

Sam Marquez: I know. Your ass is pretty popular these days, so that's nice isn't it? Will you do this for me? Pretty please?

Delinda Deline: He's pissed at me.

Sam Marquez: Well since he's pissed at you, maybe you should pass the time by, say, making some extra money and filling in for me.

Delinda Deline: How much extra?

Sam Marquez: Well it would be enough to pay Asad back for that dress if you were stupid enough to do it.

Delinda Deline: You've got yourself a deal.

Delinda Deline: You like someone.

Sam Marquez: No I don't. [Pause] You just worry about Asad. I'll worry about not liking someone.

Cast

James Caan - Ed Deline
Josh Duhamel - Danny McCoy
James Lesure - Mike Cannon
Vanessa Marcil - Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
Molly Sims - Delinda Deline
Nikki Cox - Mary Connell
Marsha Thomason - Nessa Holt

Quoternity