Legally Blonde Quotations

Legally Blonde is a 2001 film about a stereotypical airheaded blonde sorority girl who enrolls in Harvard Law School to show a former boyfriend (and prospective fiance) that she's capable of being "serious".

Directed by Robert Luketic. Screenplay by Karen McCullough Lutz and Kirsten Smith. Based on the book by Amanda Brown.

This summer go blonde! (Taglines)

Dialogue

Warner: Elle, if I'm gonna be a senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.

Elle: So you're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?

Warner: No, that's not entirely true—

Elle: Then WHAT? My boobs are too big?

Warner (whispering): Your boobs are fine.

Warner Huntington III: Pooh Bear, just get in the car.

Elle: No.

[starts walking away, sniffling]

Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes.

Elle: Okay.

[gets in car]

[Elle is looking at a magazine and sees a picture of Warner's older brother and his fiance]

Elle: Oh my God!

Elle: Do you know who this is?

Old lady: No

Elle: Thats Warner's older brother

Old lady: WHO??

[Elle reads article about Warner's brother and his fiance]

Elle: This is the type of girl Warner wants to marry .

Elle: This is what I need to become to be serious.

Old Lady: What? Practically deformed?

Elle: No, a law student.

Margot: You'll need this.

Elle: Your scrunchie?

Margot: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.

Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap-dance after the final.

Margot: Yeah - luckily.

Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.

C.U.L.A. Adviser: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.

Elle: Okay.

C.U.L.A. Adviser: And a heck of an admissions essay.

Elle: Right.

C.U.L.A. Adviser: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.

Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.

Elle: I'm reading about the LSAT's

Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your...

[Elle is presiding at her sorority meeting]

Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic! All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".

Entire Sorority Group: Aye.

Elle: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.

[someone whistles at her]

Elle: I object. (Gasps)

Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law?

Elle: What? Like, it's hard?

Elle: [to Emmett] So, if you don't know an answer they're just gonna kick you out.

Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh?

Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too?

Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls..., or wherever.

Vivian: Nice costume.

Elle: You too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

(In the checkout line at an electronics store, Emmett encounters Elle, dressed in a Playboy bunny suit, waiting to buy a laptop.)

Emmett: (clears throat)

Elle: Don't ask.

Emmett: Wasn't gonna.

David: I called your room last night, I was wondering if we could go out some time.

Girl: No.

David: Why?

Girl:: Because you're a dork.

Girl::Girls like me don't go out with guys like you.

Elle: Excuse me.

[turns around and slaps David]

Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.

David: [pause] I'm sorry?

Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?

David: Both?

Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.

Girl: [after Elle has walked off] So, when did you wanna go out?

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?

Warner Huntington III: Uhh, yea... [Vivian gives him an evil look] no.

Elle: Well this is so much better than that! Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.

Vivian: Four hours, huh?

Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.

Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

Serena: Oh, look, there's Elle!

Serena: Elle, we came to see your trial and look! There's like a judge and everything... and jury people.

Margot: VOTE FOR ELLE!

The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Ladies, take a seat!

Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.

Elle: These aren't last season...

[looks down, gasps, runs back into court room]

Elle: He's gay! Enrique is gay!

[Explaining how no straight man knows designers]

Elle: Warner, what kind of shoes are these?

Warner Huntington III: Umm... black ones.

Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?

Enrique Salvatore: Yes.

Emmett: Where?

Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.

Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?

Enrique Salvatore: Three months.

Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...?

Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.

Emmett: Right.

[Everyone gasps/laughs]

Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend.

Chuck: [leaving the courtroom] YOU BITCH!

Elle Woods

"And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new PINK, was seriously disturbed!"
"So just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's better than some stinky old Vanderbilt."
"He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger."
"All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs."
"Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party is super-fun."
"Bend and snap!"
"Isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?"
"The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known."
"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!"

Emmett Richmond

"You know, being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you think you do. And I, for one, would like to see you take that power and channel it toward the greater good, you know?"

Professor Callahan

"Do you think she just woke up one morning and said, 'I think I'll go to law school today'?"

Others

"Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and... serious. And you, Button, are none of those things." -Elle's father
"I was first in my class at Princeton, I have an IQ of a hundred and eighty-seven, and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time... from my fourth grade paper." -Aaron Mitchell
[Elle is in tears at the salon after she finds out Warner dumped her for her new rival, Vivian] "So What does this Vivian got that you don't got, three tits?" -Paulette
"Could I have been anymore goddamn spastic?" -Paulette
[After Elle is threatening to quit because Callahan tried to feel her up] "If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life... you're not the girl I thought you were." -Professor Stromwell
"Oh my god, the bend and snap! Works every time." -Random Guy in Salon
"I'm takin' the dog. Dumbass!" -Paulette

Cast

Reese Witherspoon - Elle Woods

Matthew Davis - Warner Huntington III

Luke Wilson - Emmett Richmond

Victor Garber - Professor Callahan

Selma Blair - Vivian Kensington

Ali Larter - Brooke Wyndham

Taglines

This summer go blonde!
Boldly going where no blonde has gone.
Blondes DO have more fun!
Don't judge a book by its hair color!
Believing In Yourself NEVER Goes Out Of Style!

Quoternity