Molesworth

Nigel Molesworth is the eponymous character in a series of four 1950s humour books written by Geoffrey Willans and illustrated by Ronald Searle. Molesworth is the self-styled "curse of st. custards" School, in form 3B, forever attempting to negotiate the problems put in his way by other pupils and the masters. His writing is marked by characteristically bad, but consistent, spelling.

Sourced

• a chiz is a swiz or swindle as any fule kno.
  • "Down with Skool!" (1953). (The Compleet Molesworth, Pavilion Books, 1985, p. 8)

• grabber who is head of the skool captane of everything and winer of the mrs joyful prize for rafia work.
  • "Down with Skool!" (1953). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 11)

• Acktually fotherington-tomas is worse than me he is goalie and spend his time skipping about he sa Hullo clouds hullo sky hullo sun etc when huge centre forward bearing down on him and SHOT whistles past his nose.
  • "Down with Skool!" (1953). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 13)

• Peotry is sissy stuff that rhymes.
  • "Down with Skool!" (1953). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 36)

• All latin masters hav one joke.

  Caesar adsum jam forte
  or
  caesar had some jam for tea.

  • "Down with Skool!" (1953). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 41)

• You kno who this is e.g. Me nigel molesworth the curse of st custard's.
  • "How to be topp" (1954). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 109)

• Meanwhile in the master's common room. Sigismund arbuthnot the mad maths master musters his rhomboids.
  • "How to be topp" (1954). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 124)

• Aktually it is only fotherington-tomas you kno he sa Hullo clouds hullo sky he is a girlie and love the scents and sounds of nature tho the less i smell and hear them the better.
  • "How to be topp" (1954). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 125)

• Sometimes they think they will trick you into liking lat. by having a latin pla. Latin plas are like this –

  THE HOGWARTS
  by
  MARCUS PLAUTUS MOLESWORTHUS

  • "How to be topp" (1954). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 131)

• Every skool hav a resident buly who is fat and roll about the place clouting everybode.
  • "How to be topp" (1954). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 148)

• Foopball is a tuough game but it is a pity you canot win by hacking everybode. You hav to be nippy.
  • "How to be topp" (1954). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 163)

• He is my grate friend so i hav let him off litely. He is much worse than this aktually as his mummy call him 'darling' and kiss his ickle-pritty face. The old gurl must be blind. Or bats. Or both.
  • "Whizz for Atomms" (1957). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 210)
  • On his friend "Peason" (presumably Pearson).

• His piece "Fairy Bells" on the skool piano will never be forgoten by those who hav heard it.
  • "Whizz for Atomms" (1957). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 210)
  • On "Molesworth 2, My Bro."

• A grave thort strike me:

  ALL BOOKS WHICH BOYS HAV TO READ ARE WRONG

  • "Whizz for Atomms" (1957). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 243)

• Coo ur gosh i expect this is a bit of a shock especially for the gurls. As you kno it hav long been an open secret in 3b that i never intend to get maried. This hav been becos if you get maried it hav to be to a GURL chiz and hitherto my conviction hav been that GURLS are uterly wet and weedstruck.
  • "Back in the jug agane" (1958). (The Compleet Molesworth, p. 388)