Muppet Babies Quotations

Jim Henson's Muppet Babies is an animated television series that aired from 1984 to 1991 on the CBS Television Network.

[In a Red Riding Hood parody]

Gonzo: Grandma bought some swampland in the Dagobah system.

[In a Cinderella parody]

Piggy: [answering the door] Who is it? You never know when the Big Bad Wolf might turn up.

Beaker: Meep, meep meep meep.

Bunsen: How am I going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.

Fozzie: This looks like a joke I once told.

Rowlf: You can't see a joke, Fozzie.

Fozzie: You can once you get hit with tomatoes.

Gonzo: We love working in salt mines, right guys?

All: Gonzo!

Fozzie: Yeah we don't even mind pepper.

All: Fozzie!

Kermit: That book is 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

Fozzie: Gee, a story about an under water bowling team?

Gonzo: Maybe my brain isn't working right.

Rowlf: Your brain's never worked right, Gonzo.

Gonzo: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Kermit: Hey, did you guys see what I heard?

Miles: We gotta take five.

Fozzie: Five? Why can't we all go?

Fozzie: [Looking at ancient statues resembling Gonzo] These guys do kinda look like Gonzo's brothers.

Piggy: You can say that again.

Fozzie: Okay, these guys do kinda look like Gonzo's bro...

Piggy: Don't push it, Fozzie.

Kermit: They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.

Piggy: Scooter, if you had ten hot dogs and Skeeter took three of them, what would you have?

Fozzie: He'd have a tummy ache. Get it? Ha ha. Wokka wokka wokka.

Piggy: If you have to tell jokes then tell them to the wall.

Fozzie: Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka.

Fozzie: What's the difference between an orange?

Nanny: Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke.

Fozzie: It *is* finished. *That's* the joke.

Piggy: Oh Kermit. You saved me and my millions. How can I ever repay you?

Kermit: Um, well about two bucks for gas oughta cover it.

Piggy: WHAT?

Kermit: On second thought, let's just call it even, keep the money.

Scooter: What happened, Fozzie?

Fozzie: Rowlf went into the closet to think about my joke. He'll probably come out when he thinks it's funny.

Skeeter: Boy, we'll never see him again.

Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?

Fozzie: Hey, Rowlf, wanna hear a funny joke?

Rowlf: No thanks, Fozzie.

Fozzie: Okay here it goes: what food do you eat with your mouth open? Give up? *See* food. Get it? Wokka, wokka, wokka.

Fozzie: This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter, traffic jam?

All: We got it.

Kermit: I never asked to be an uncle.

Skeeter: No one asks to be an uncle. Your big sister has babies, that makes you their aunt or uncle and them your niece or nephew.

Kermit: Oh, well that's different.

Fozzie: We all have a lullaby.

Kermit: I think you mean alibi.

Fozzie: That's what I said, lullaby.

Gonzo: Awww, [Piggy] called me a nerd. Next I'll be the nerd of her dreams.

Gonzo: Weird is my middle name.

Scooter: This is really weird.

Gonzo: Yeah, isn't it great?

Mr. Big: We don't serve comedians here.

Fozzie: Good, 'cause I don't wanna eat one.

Fozzie: What do you call a yo-yo that goes down but won't come up? A yo. Wokka wokka wokka.

Piggy: Here's your order, Kermie.

Kermit: Gee, thanks Piggy but I didn't order anything.

Fozzie: [Hops on toy motorcycle but it will not go] Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.

Fozzie: [Has body of fish instead of tail] Personally, I don't think this Mer-Bear stuff is so hot.

Kermit: Um, Fozzie, I think you have your imagination on backwards. Your legs are supposed to look like a fish, not your head.

Fozzie: Oh, I knew that.

Fozzie: Maybe I should tell them a joke.

Kermit: I don't think so, Fozzie, we're in enough trouble as it is.

Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?

Fozzie: What do you call a kangaroo in Scotland?

Animal: Dinner.

Fozzie: No that's not right. You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka. [Gets hit with tomatoes] Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that's not funny.

Animal: Fozzie.

Piggy: I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married.

Kermit: I don't wanna waste a wish.

Piggy: WHAT?

Kermit: Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.

Gonzo: Let's synchronize our watches.

Scooter: We don't have any watches.

Gonzo: That's okay, I don't know what synchronize means anyway.

Fozzie: This fantasy is rated PG. We're under age.

Skeeter: Rowlf can pick up the scent.

Rowlf: I didn't know anybody dropped it.

Scooter: Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address.

Kermit: Um, what is the Gettysburg address?

Statue of Abe Lincoln: Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.

Scooter: When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress.

Fozzie: Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.

Fozzie: Don't worry Piggy, I'm a professional - OOPS! [drops his papers]

Piggy: You're a professional oops all right.

Gonzo: [trying to adjust video camera] Hey, stay in focus. You're fuzzy.

Fozzie: No way, Gonzo. I'm not Fuzzy, I'm Fozzie.

[The Muppets are making a movie; Gonzo is directing.] Piggy: Personally, I want to be a producer.

Kermit: Gee, what do producers do, Piggy?

Piggy: They fire directors.

Skeeter: What's that crunching sound?

Gonzo: [chewing] That? Uh, that must be termites! Didn't I tell you my nose is made of wood?

Skeeter: Uh-uh.

Gonzo: Uh-huh! It's true! Pinocchio was my cousin.

Fozzie: How do you like my painting? I call it "Still-Life With Tomatoes."

Rowlf: [Scooter retches] I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.

Piggy: [reading to Robin] Once there was a little green tadpole and he got chased down a tadpole hole.

Gonzo: Hey, Piggy, don't you mean a little rabbit that got chased down a rabbit hole?

Piggy: I say it's a little green tadpole that got chased down a tadpole hole and unless you want to get shoved into a weirdo hole you'd better keep quiet!

Piggy: You can't fool me. You stole that move from James Bond.

Gonzo: And I stole this move from Michael Jackson.

Quoternity