Nipsey Russell

Nipsey Russell was a comedian best known for his appearances as a guest panelist on many game shows in the 1970s and 80s, and for his performance as the Tin Man in the film The Wiz. He is often referred to as "the poet laureate of television" because of his signature saucy 4-line rhymes.

Quotes

Help a man when he is in trouble;

Help him and never complain

For surely that man will remember you!

...When he is in trouble again.

I'm here to set the record straight

about sex appeal and a woman's weight.

It's nice to be neat and look petite,

but if you wanna feel some heat, you've got to have some meat!

George Washington threw a silver dollar

Across the river one day;

And ever since then, politicians in Washington

Been throwin' our money away!

During one episode of Let's Make A Deal, on which Russell played for a home audience member:

They say money can't buy happiness

but I'll tell you how I feel.

What money does buy, I seldom use.

So, heck, let's make a deal!

When sounds are heard around the house

of little kids and their toys,

we know children were sent from heaven

cause the Lord couldn't stand that noise.

Nispey Russell on word meanings during an episode of Password Plus (also used during a posthumous tribute on CNN):

The opposite of pro is con

That fact is clearly seen

If progress means move forward

Then what does Congress mean?

Nipsey Russell on aging:

Each day we turn another page

You know you're reaching middle age

When your pimples and your rashes

Turn to wrinkles and hot flashes.

Nipsey Russell on baby care:

Don't put the baby on a waterbed;

It could be very grim."

You don't know if he's wetting the bed,

Or the bed is wetting him.

On The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast for Rowan and Martin (1974):

As we remember Abbott and Costello

As Laurel and Hardy can never die

Rowan and Martin will not be forgot

But baby we sure gonna try.

On an episode of Super Password:

I just saw a move about a mermaid.

Did I like it? I don't know why!

There's not enough woman to make love to,

and too much fish to fry!

From an epidode of Match Game '74:

To slow down this recession;

And make our economy thrive;

Give us our social security now;

We'll go to work when we're 65!

From an episode of Match Game '75:

The young poeple are very different today;

And there's one sure way to know;

Kids used to ask where they came from;

Now they'll tell you where you can go.

From a special "TV Hosts" episode of Family Feud on which Russell played:

Playing Family Feud today

Are talented women and men;

Lost their jobs giving money away,

So now they're trying to win.

From an appearance on The Amazing World of Kreskin:

Go to college, see it through

if they can make penicillin out of moldy cheese

they can make something out of you!

Spring has sprung,

Fall has fell

Now winter's come

and it's colder than usual.

Unsourced

• If you make sweet love with a school teacher / You'll have an amazing night / She'll do it and do it and do it again / Until you get it right.

I got a new girlfriend,
No guy could ask for more,
She’s deaf, dumb, oversexed
And owns a liquor store!