Party of Five Quotations

Party of Five was a dramatic television show, airing on the FOX network, about five siblings who are left to find their own way in the world when their parents are killed by a drunk driver.

Pilot [1.1]

Julia: Do you ever think about them Bailey?

Bailey: Yeah, of course I do.

Julia: Well why don't we ever talk about them. I mean why don't we ever talk about it?

Bailey: I don't know maybe we feel like we have to put on this brave face for Claud and Owen. But maybe that's stupid. Maybe we should talk about it. Maybe it would help.

Julia: Sometimes I wonder if these feelings are ever gonna go away.

Bailey: I don't know, I hope someday they will.

Bailey: [to Owen] Listen just to keep you up to date, and don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going crazy here. So unless I come up with some kind of nanny soon, I'm gonna have to sell you off to white slave traders. Now I know that's not how you pictured yourself growing up, but hey welcome to the club. Sleep well.

Bailey: [to Charlie] We'll give up whatever we have to to get by and we'll let everyone think you're this great guy just trying to hold his family together, who's like a father to us, even if we know it's a lie.

Charlie: Julia get down here now, family meeting. Me and Doug and a friend of his were gonna by into this co-op. We were gonna fix it up and sell it. The whole thing was gonna take a month tops. We would have doubled our money no questions asked. Except the guy took the money and split.

Bailey: How much money did you lose, Charlie?

Charlie: 12 [long pause] thousand.

Julia: Of your own money right?

Bailey: So much for your lectures on responsibility. Is this why you wanted control of all the accounts so you could blow it all yourself?

[Bailey discovers that the phone was turned off]

Charlie: Why didn't you pay the phone bill?

Bailey: Why didn't I pay the phone bill? Why didn't I pay the phone bill??

Claudia: This wouldn't have happened if Mom and Dad were here. Why aren't they here?

Claudia: You can't tell me what to do.

Charlie: Oh yes I can, read the guardianship agreement.

Bailey: Oh, would you shut up about that already, Charlie? A piece of paper does NOT make you a parent.

Homework [1.2]

Bailey: [about his crush on Kirsten] Any suggestions?

Will: Yeah. Snap out of it. Do you have any clue how to analyse the poem "To his coy mistress" in terms of its theme, metaphor, imagery and meter?

Bailey: Not off the top of my head.

Will: Well you better figure it out, cause if you spend the next 3 days mooning over this babysitter and blow this paper, you get put on academic probation and get benched from the team, and we lose another game. Ten other guys are gonna come to your house and do a job on your face so no girl will find you attractive again, OK?

Good Sports [1.3]

Charlie: Listen I got this idea. It says here there's a new band at the Armory and they're supposed to be really hot and I get off from the bar early. You free?

Kirsten: There must be something in the water. Suddenly everybody's interested in my social schedule. Actually I got 2 front row tickets to Liz Phair tonight.

Charlie: OK, that's just as good.

Kirsten: I'm going with George. He got them through his law firm.

Charlie: I can't believe you're going out with a lawyer. I mean isn't that kind of button down for you?

Kirsten: No, it's kind of perfect. The truth is I kind of owe it all to you. If you hadn't bailed out on me a couple of weeks ago, George and I might have never hooked up.

Charlie: If I could bring one ray of sunshine into your life...

Kirsten: You know, I thought we had something going Charlie, but you kind of weirded-out on me.

Charlie: I was trying to be a lot nobler then I actually am.

Kirsten: I'm not following you.

Charlie: Never mind it'll never happen again.

Girl: So we party on the street corner? Please.

Julia: Wait a minute. You just need a place?

[Girl nods]

Julia: I know a big house, zero hassles, total freedom and immediate occupancy.

Girl: Are you kidding? Are you serious?

Julia: You want to say 7:00?

Mr. Harlen: Charlie Salinger... you didn't set fire to the boys bathroom again did you?

Charlie: Hey Mr. Harlen.

Mrs. Peterson: Oh my goodness, if it isn't Charlie Salinger.

Charlie: Hey Mrs. Peterson.

Mrs. Peterson: We still talk about the peephole in the girls lockerroom.

Grunge Kid: You really got to let yourself loose. I practically got trampled to death at a Beastie Boys concert.

Julia: Oh, really?

Grunge Kid: It was totally cool when you're this close to having your skull crushed by a skinhead wearing a pair of Doc Martens. You know you're alive on the planet you know?

Worth Waiting For [1.4]

Bailey: Girls switch boyfriends all the time.

Will: Well what are you going to do? Just call her up and tell her to break up with him? And go out with you instead?

Bailey: No, I'm gonna, you know... I'm just gonna... hang around her a lot.

Claudia: Yeah, you know... Just be there all the time.

Bailey: Yeah.

Will: Gee, why didn't I think of that.

Bailey: And then you know, eventually she'll fall for me.

Claudia: Like a ton of bricks.

Will: And why is that again?

Claudia: Duh... He's Bailey.

Bailey: Hey Charlie, you ever get the feeling the Gods just don't like us?

Charlie: All the time, Bay, all the time.

Charlie: You know what?

Kirsten: What?

Charlie: Nothing. It's, it's stupid.

Kirsten: Tell me..

Charlie: I, um... I used to get dragged to church when I was little and uh... I hated it. So I'd just stare at the angels on the ceiling and they always had this... beautiful golden hair like yours. So you just reminded me of an angel, I guess.

Kirsten: That's really nice.

Julia: What happened to Greg?

Nina: He's so immature. Drew is the coolest, Julia. He's cute and he's funny and he's a Senior.

Julia: Is he? It's a Junior class.

Nina: Well, I know. He's not Mr. Honor Roll. But he's really sexy.

All's Fair [1.5]

Julia: Don't say bitch! I don't like you using language like that!

Claudia: You know what? Maybe you could just come and listen to be play for once, instead of just telling me what NOT to do all the time!

Bailey: I'm such a moron. I can't believe what a moron I am.

Will: You are a moron.

Bailey: I...I just, kinda forced the issue.

Will: The issue?

Bailey: With Kate about Tom.

Will: The boyfriend?

Bailey: Yep.

Will: You said him or you?

Bailey: Pretty much.

Will: Wow

Bailey: Yeah

Will: And?

Bailey: And what? Would I be a moron if everything would have worked out?

Will: Good point by you.

Bailey: Okay so I hire 2 big guys to kidnap him and take him off to some remote island or Hawaii, someplace. Just so Kate doesn't see him for a while and then eventually she forgets all about him.

Will: Hmm. I don't know Bay. Kidnapping? I don't think they let you graduate from high school if you've kidnapped somebody.

Julia: You think the only person you have to listen to in this house is Bailey.

Claudia: At least he cares about me!

Julia: What are you talking about? Why do you think I've been so concerned about you being in this competition? Because I care.

Claudia: Right. And that's why you're acting like such a BITCH!

Fathers and Sons [1.6]

Joe: Are you gonna walk out on me now? Oh excuse me, I forgot who I was talking to.

Charlie: Hey, you know what? I'm sick of you telling me what's wrong with me and I'm fed up with being reminded every day that I'm not half the man my father was. Especially when it turns out that he wasn't everything he was cracked up to be. I'm not the one who screwed up your business. Blame that on the management whiz. A guy who never lost his cool. Saw everything coming. My father did this to you.

PK: Would it be cool if I uh...crashed on your sofa?

Charlie: Uh... I'll get some blankets.

Julia: You'll have to be quiet though, my sister sleeps in the dining room in a tent.

PK: Your sister sleeps in a tent?

Julia: [chuckles] Kind of a weird family.

PK: Well... you have no idea.

Claudia: It's not polite to smoke in the house you know. Other people breath that stuff in.

PK: [puts his cigarette out] Happy?

Claudia: Have you ever done drugs, hard drugs, anything intravenous?

PK: Yeah, and I killed a guy once for a cigarette.

Much Ado [1.7]

Claudia: I'm just gonna stay out here.

Bailey: All night? Look, Claud, I gotta get back inside, I can't--

Claudia: Fine! So don't. I'd rather be alone, anyway.

Bailey: Do you think it's always gonna be like this for us?

Julia: I don't know. Maybe.... maybe these are the good old days.

Bailey: [laughs] Yeah. Doesn't get much better than this, huh?

Claudia: Do you believe in omens?

Bailey: What do you mean?

Claudia: Signs that bad things are gonna happen.

Bailey: No, I don't. I think people need to look for reasons that bad things happen, but... sometimes there just aren't any.

Claudia: [in response to Bailey and Kate throwing water at each other] You know, California is now officially in a drought.

Charlie: So what, it's one strike and I'm out with you?

Kirsten: I guess so, yeah! See, that's what happens when you cheat, and when you lie to me!

Julia: [to Charlie] I dare you to ever give me another lecture about personal responsibility, EVER!

Claudia: [to Bailey] If you're thinking about making this up to me, forget it--you can't. This kind of eclipse won't happen again until 2020--I'll be 37!

Claudia: It's ok...I just bug you, right? I mean, I'm kind of just a big pain.

Bailey: No you're not, I'm just...I'm just trying to figure out how to work things, Claud. I mean, Kate's the first girlfriend I've ever had, first real girlfriend. And I'm not forgetting about you. I'm not. I promise. Whenever you need me, you come first.

Kiss Me Kate [1.8]

Charlie: What are you doing?

Claudia: I want to help.

Julia: You'll hurt your hands.

Claudia: But Charlie, you asked me!

Charlie: What was I thinking about? A big star like you?

Bailey: Besides, an artist needs her sleep.

Claudia: It's OK. I don't care.

Julia: Go to bed, Claud.

Charlie: You owe it to your public.

Charlie: I really need your help. What do you say?

Claudia: Sorry. Too risky.

Charlie: [to Julia and Bailey] You know, you just can't buy love like that.

Charlie: I mean, writing things down, it just comes so naturally to you. You're a real good writer, Jul. And I know I'm not the best advice-giver or anything, but...I think whatever you do, you shouldn't stop writing. Whatever you do, you should write about it.

Julia: You didn't take the dog out.

Claudia: What makes you think I didn't?

Julia: A big poop on the floor, that's what!

Thanksgiving [1.10]

Julia: [about whether or not to meet Walter] I think it would be good for us.

Bailey: Oh, that's a load of crap! He can shove his apology, it doesn't do me any good!

Claudia: Bailey, why are you being so mean?

Walter: [to Charlie] Let me do one good thing in this whole situation and tell you the truth. You're the hero in this story, Son.

Claudia: [to Walter] I'm Claudia Salinger. I'm their youngest daughter. I just wanted to see what you look like.

Claudia: [about Walter] You all got to see him. I never saw him. And I just... I had to see what he looked like.

Bailey: Well, how'd he look?

Claudia: Normal, I guess. He looked kinda nice, like anyone. Like someone you would know.

Julia: Well, how'd you think he would look, Claud?

Claudia: Ugly. Scary. Kind of mean. He was NICE to people, though. And before he knew who I was, he called me sweetheart.

Julia: Just stay out of my stuff, got it? God, I am never going to forgive you for this.

Claudia: That seems fair.

Claudia: Hey, a person's tent is her castle, you know!

Julia: Yeah, well, you're being invaded. What have you got in here?

Claudia: This is so humiliating!

Julia: Can't you say something? Help me out here!

Charlie: What do you want me to say?

Julia: Don't you even care what's happening to our family?

Julia: [to Walter] The only thing I can do for you is tell you that we're going to be OK. My siblings and I. We're going to be OK.

Julia: I'm telling you, it's hard. But it's not the hardest thing in the world to say 'I forgive you.

Charlie: Yes, it is.

Private Lives [1.11]

Claudia: [to Mrs. Gideon] What else do you want from us? Tell me! What more are we supposed to do--are we supposed to be perfect?

Mrs. Gideon: Of course not.

Claudia: [starts to cry] Are there really that many people who do much better? We made it through the last nine months. I don't think it can get much harder than that. Do you?

Mrs. Gideon: I am not the enemy here, Claudia.

Claudia: Yes you are. You might not think so, but you are.

Claudia: [to siblings] If you want to blame someone for this, blame yourselves! I'm growing up, and I'm becoming a woman! And you're missing it.

Claudia: [to Mrs. Gideon] The only thing that's gonna ruin this for us, and that's going to stop us from being a family, is you.

Claudia: [to Mrs. Gideon] What about all the things we do right? Like the fact that Bailey gets up in the middle of the night, every night, for Owen? I mean, he's 16 and on Friday nights, he babysits! Julia trims my bangs, and she doesn't let me watch movies on cable, and Charlie has this rule about eating vegetables for dinner...and Bailey took my class on a field trip to the planetarium with, like, 3 other mothers!

Claudia: Boy, something sure smells good.

Charlie: Well, then, it's not Owen!

Grownups [1.13]

Bailey: Is this like some kind of big emergency, Claud?

Claudia: Well....kind of, yeah. The thing is...I just got my period.

Bailey: Oh...

Bailey: All right, let's see here...these look good! Come on, let's get out of here.

Claudia: Bailey, these are tampons! Super plus! Jesus...there sure are lots to choose from.

Bailey: These have wings. Wings...what's up with that?

Julia: I can make popcorn and read Charlotte's Web to you like I used to.

Claudia: You really wanna do that? How come? I thought you were way too old to be sharing a bedroom.

Julia: [smiling] Who said that, huh? I'm not too old.

Bailey: [to Charlie, about feminine products]: Do you have any idea what wings are?

Charlie: [to Claudia] Are you afraid of having an accident or something?

Bailey: She's afraid of spilling.

Julia: Staining.

Claudia: Oh God, I'm going to die.

Charlie: For God's sake, Claud, I don't have time for this! You think you're gonna miss school every time you get your period?

Claudia: I just don't feel like going! I'm moody.

Charlie: You're moody all the time.

Julia: Problem?

Charlie: Claudia's not going to school, she got her period.

Julia: So? It's her first time. She's nervous.

Claudia: I'm not nervous! I just don't feel like going!

Bailey: What's going on?

Charlie: Claudia's period.

Claudia: Why don't you just invite the neighbors over, and we can all talk about it!

In Loco Parentis [1.17]

Charlie: So I take it Jill told you about our conversation?

Bailey: Yeah. Yeah, she did. And I can't believe you would just out of nowhere accuse her of being on speed!

Charlie: She's on speed, Bay.

Who Cares? [1.18]

Bailey: I'm sorry I missed your birthday. It's just that with Jill and everything, it was...

Claudia: More important. Yeah, I know.

Bailey: No. Not more important. But...I guess it seemed more urgent. I'm really sorry.

Julia: I'm sure you did everything you could, Bay.

Bailey: I don't know. Maybe that's just the way it is with people. Maybe there's just nothing anybody can do to help anyone else.

Charlie: Bailey, you help people all the time.

Julia: Yeah. I mean, look what you did for Claudia.

Bailey: What, blow off her birthday? Yeah, I'm expecting a medal for that one.

Julia: You remembered the charm.

Charlie: Oh my God, the charm.

Bailey: You forgot the charm???

Julia: We both did.

Bailey: Oh God, no wonder she was so pissed!

Charlie: I don't know, Bay. Maybe the thing to do is look for people who actually want your help and just help them.

Brother's Keeper [1.19]

Julia: That's not fair, Charlie. That is not fair! There's one of you and four of us, and each of us has something here that's every bit as important to us as your work is to you. And this is our home!

Charlie: All right. Then I'll tell you what. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. We're moving to Seattle.

Bailey: You can't do that, Charlie.

Charlie: The hell I can't!

Bailey: There's no way you can do this, Charlie, ok? You can't! So you go. You go, and you do what you have to do. We're not going with you.

Claudia: We're gonna get split up.

Bailey: That's right. That's right. I hope you can live with that, Charlie.

Claudia: I was just making a list of who would take what... I mean, if we get split up.

Bailey: Look, Claud. The thing is... if Charlie goes to Seattle, we'll go with him.

Claudia: Even after what you said?

Bailey: Yeah.

Claudia: I can't imagine living anywhere else.

Bailey: Yeah, me neither. But maybe if we're all together, it won't be so bad.

Julia: God, what do you want me to do--hold your hand?

Bailey: No, I want you to actually HELP me!

Julia: What do you think I've been doing 9 miserable hours for the last two days?

Bailey: Maybe daydreaming about getting to second base with Justin!

Bailey: I don't know...it's like I'm trying to keep from drowning, and I keep getting reminded of how easy it's been for you.

Julia: It hasn't been that easy.

Bailey: But at least you have Justin.

Julia: Yeah...I guess.

Julia: I'm not the one who failed, this is so unfair! I'm having a great time, for the first time in so long. I want to spend time with Justin, that's all I want to do! And now all this stuff about Seattle and having to study with you...

Bailey: So...what, is that a good reason to just ditch me?

Julia: You know what? You treat me like some baby with brains, you know? Like there's something silly or cute about being in love. Why should I help you?

Bailey: Because I'm in trouble. And I'm your brother.

Bailey: Fine, who cares if I flunk math as long as you get to play in a sandbox with your stupid boyfriend!

Julia: Oh yeah, that's funny Bay, like you have the right to call anyone stupid!

Bailey: God, Jul, when did you turn into such a bitch?

Bailey: 65,000 dollars! Do you have any idea how much money that is?....It's 65,000 dollars!!!!

Julia: Can you say 'rich,' Owen?

The Trouble with Charlie [1.20]

Charlie: [in response to the party Claudia threw at the house] I thought I said...

Claudia: You said I was grounded, that I couldn't go out. Well, I didn't go out. I brought everyone in.

Charlie: You eat way too much sugar, that's the whole problem.

Claudia: I do not!

Charlie: Yes, you do! Why don't you have a nice piece of fruit when you get home from school?

Claudia: Why don't you get a haircut?

Charlie: I'm serious, Claud, when was the last time you had a vegetable?

Claudia: When was the last time you put down the toilet seat?

Charlie: So, how many?

Claudia: A couple....a few....some....six.

Charlie: Six? Six cavities? That's, like, 20% of your teeth, Claud!

Charlie: You are NOT doing this to me anymore, have you got that? When I tell you to do something, you say 'Yes, Charlie,' 'Thank you, Charlie', and you DO IT! You obey me, and you treat me with respect, or I swear to God...

Claudia: WHAT? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna take away from me next?

Charlie: That is not what's going on!

Claudia: And in front of all my friends? Forget it! Why do you get to boss me around?

Charlie: Cut it out, Claudia!

Claudia: You never listen to a thing I say!

Charlie: I don't wanna hear this...

Claudia: Why do I have to listen to you?

Charlie: Because I am the father around here!

Claudia: I don't care!

Charlie: God! [raises hand to hit her, quickly stops himself]

Claudia: Some father.

Charlie: Claudia, go to your tent!

Claudia: I'm eating an apple.

Charlie: [doesn't look up] Yeah, well, good for you.

Claudia: It's really delicious. I'm really enjoying it. I'm going to be eating lots of them from now on, broccoli too.

Charlie: Have you seen the checkbook?

Claudia: I'm sorry, Charlie.

Charlie: Yeah, well, just help me look for it.

Claudia: No, I mean...I'm sorry about before. You know, with the sleepover. You got so mad...I didn't think it would make you that mad. You almost hit me...

Charlie: I don't want to talk about that, OK?

Claudia: But I...

Charlie: OK?

The Ides of March [1.22]

Bailey: [Claudia's crying about Jill's death] Why are you crying?

Claudia: Because. Why aren't you?

Bailey: Would you please just get out of here, Claudia?

Claudia: [to Ross] You'd make such a great father. You, like, never yell. And you never do that thing parents do when they're pretending to listen, but really they're just noticing you have a lot of wax in your ear.

Bailey: I can't love anymore, it's too hard. So I'm not going to love anyone, and I don't want anyone to love me.

Charlie: That's too bad... you don't have a choice... because I love you, Bailey. I love you, man.

Change Partners ... and Dance [2.5]

Charlie: You know, Claud, when the doctor says there's a 98 percent chance you're gonna be fine, that's a good sign.

Claudia: I know.

Charlie: Well, if you know, then what's the problem?

Claudia: What if it's that 2 percent?

Charlie: It won't be. That's what 2 percent means.

Claudia: No, that's what zero percent means.

Best Laid Plans [2.8]

Charlie: Yeah. I'm the boss. I'm the boss, and kind of the dad... a couple of hours from now, I'll be the husband. If I had a clue how to be even one of those I'd be happy. [pause] There was this woman tonight. Last night, whatever it was. She wanted me to go to bed with her... and she was pretty and needy. Always a good combination, right George? It felt like this test, you know? The snake offering the apple, that kind of thing. And I said no. So if it was a test I passed it. Which means I ought to be feeling pretty good about it now. So, let me ask you a question. How come I still feel like I want to run away someplace? How come I feel like I can't breathe? How come it feels like someone's got their fist around my lungs?

Julia: Are you bringing anybody to the wedding?

Bailey: A date? No. You?

Julia: No. Griffin never would have come anyway. He probably doesn't even own a tie.

The Wedding [2.9]

Kirsten: I can't wait another six months, Charlie. Because in six months we're going to be exactly where we are today, and I don't ever want to feel this way again.

Bailey: I'm starting to think I should have expected things to turn out this way.

Sarah: What's that supposed to mean?

Bailey: It turns out all the Salinger men make the same mistake.

Sarah: What mistake?

Bailey: They walk away from the one thing that's actually the best thing that ever happened to them.

Kirsten: I would have given you everything today. For God's sake, Charlie, I would have given you me! I can't give you more than that---I don't know how to.

Before and After [2.18]

Claudia: God, I swear, sometimes I feel like the only thing anyone in this family ever says to me is 'Go away.' Justin, can I hang out with you? Justin?

Justin: Go away, Claudia, ok? Just get out of here.

Spring Breaks (1) [2.21]

Charlie: You called Joe?

Bailey: Yeah, sorry, we just didn't happen to have $2500 bucks lying around to bail you out. Take him home, Joe, will you? I can't look at him right now.

Cast

Scott Wolf - Bailey Salinger
Matthew Fox - Charlie Salinger
Neve Campbell - Julia Salinger
Lacey Chabert - Claudia Salinger
Jennifer Love Hewitt - Sarah Reeves
Jeremy London - Griffin Holbrook
Paula Devicq - Kirsten Bennett
Scott Grimes - Will McCorkle
Michael Goorjian - Justin Thompson

Quoternity