Passions

Passions is an American soap opera. It currently airs weekdays on NBC.

Hank Bennett

[Hank is shocked to hear Luis speak nice things about Sheridan]

Hank: "Are you sure there wasn't a pod next to your bed this morning?"

Sheridan: "I just ran into him in the locker room... he had just gotten out of the shower."

Hank: "Oh..."

Sheridan: "It was an accident... I was just looking for some sugar."

Hank: "Did you find it?"

Jessica Bennett

• You can't give up on Charity, Miguel. Would Leonardo give up on Kate? Would Ross give up on Rachel? Would Bo give up on Hope?

Kay Bennett

• [Kay has second thoughts about being good] Miguel is going to be mine no matter what I have to do! Charity, be damned! As God as my witness, I'll never be good again!

Noah Bennett

• Esme? What kind of name is that? Forgot who I was talking to. To someone named Fancy, Esme actually sounds kind of normal.

Sam Bennett

• Is Ethan really my son? I'm not going to rest until I know for sure. Maybe there's a clue on the Internet.

Alistair Crane

• It's a sad day in America when the Cranes can't subvert government policy.
• [Luis and Sam have again accused Alistair of a crime with no proof] You'll have to excuse me. I've heard all of this empty huffing and puffing before.

Fancy Crane

• [to Alistair] Grampy! (repeated line)
• [to Ivy] Hi, Mummy! I'm home!
• It's hard getting a license when you're underage. Plus, I kept forgetting that the states have speed limits. In parts of Europe they don't, you know.
• [Fancy comes to a realization after Alistair's marriage to Theresa] Oh, my God. You're my step-grandmother!"
• [Noah insults Fancy] Oh, go suck an egg.
• [Noah suggests that it would kill Fancy if he were to sleep with Esme] Yes! No! Of course not, you arrogant boar. I couldn't care less who you sleep with, as long as it's not me.
• [to Esme] If you're expecting anything more from Romeo here, I wouldn't get your hopes up. He was just telling me he's not a gigolo.
• 'Escort', 'friend', 'tour guide' - they're all euphemisms for 'gigolo', Noah.
• [disgusted by Esme's attitude towards Noah] This is sick! You're taking advantage of a poor schlub who has to help pay his father's mortgage and has to find even more money to help pay his whacked-out sister's therapy fees.
• [Esme can't seem to remember Noah's name] It's Noah! Remember? The ark? All the animals?
• [Noah insults Fancy] You're a jerkface.

Fancy: There's got to be some way I can get [Noah and me] some money.

Liz: Most people work for it.

Fancy: Yeah, but that takes too long unless you can start at the top somewhere.

Fox Crane

Rebecca: "I was under the impression that you didn't like your mommy very much."

Fox: "Maybe so, but I don't want her to frozen stiff like Jack Nicholson in The Shining."

- March 2003

Julian: "You are no son of mine!"

Fox: "Well, given this family's history, I wouldn't be surprised if you're right."

Gwen: "What are you going to do? Just sit here drinking like a playboy?"

Fox: "I have to keep my strength up. Grandfather promised me women!"

- March 2005

Julian Crane

• Oh my God! I think it's the remains of Grace's tomato soup cake!

Ivy: "You know, there is an old Chinese proverb that says, 'Man who talks with fake Chinese accent, man with something to hide.'"

Julian: "There's another Chinese proverb that says 'Wife like you can go to HELL'."

Julian: "Theresa looked delectable today!"

Ethan: Really? I didn't notice."

Julian: "You should check into that new laser eye surgery."

Sheridan: "Beth is our half-sister."

Julian: "Come again?"

Luis: "Beth is Alistair's daughter."

Julian: "You mean Alistair and Edna Wallace...?"

Eve: "Oh, my God."

Julian: "That smelly old crone?"

Sam: "Happened a long time ago. You know, evidently, Edna was quite a dish in the day."

Julian: "Well, she's past her expiration date now."

- June 2005

• I'm paying you to represent the woman I love, not my wife.
• [prepares to leave Ethan's ICU room] Theresa, why don't you come with me? You don't belong here.

Sheridan Crane

Luis: "Why do you have to be such a smart-ass?"

Sheridan: "When I'm around you, someone has to be smart.

• [Chris has just shot the hitman] [to James] Sorry, sweetheart, the bad man's in heaven now.

Hecuba

• [to Timmy] Do you remind yourself of anyone? I'll give you a hint. He was made of wood by a weirdo named Gepetto.

Gwen Hotchkiss

• What do I have to do to get you to admit what's going on here, Ethan? Walk in on you and Theresa in bed making love? What's she going to tell me then, huh? That she was just fluffing your pillows and just happened to slip underneath you?
• Theresa, a marriage - I mean, a real marriage, between a man and a woman, isn't about one person's needs. It's about doing selfless sacrifices for one another, no matter how hard it is.

Tabitha Lenox

• Lucy Ricardo caused less havoc when she was smuggling cheese back from Europe!
• What on Earth has you guzzling Martimmies at this time of day - and out of a shaker no less?
• Blast that interfering next door neighbor of mine, Grace Bennett!
• I've had enough of the Don King routine, Timmy. Do something with your hair.
• Oh the mortals these days! Using their Internet, email, cell phones, and text messaging, whatever the hell that is...

Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald

Sheridan: "Aren't you freezing out here without your coat on?"

Luis: "I was just gonna go out and chop some fire wood... It's one of two things you can do in this kinda weather to keep warm."

Sheridan: "What's the other?"

Luis: "Oh... it's a guy joke."

Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald

[Miguel is exasperated by the fact that Charity keeps seeing her "doomed" future in her tea leaves]

Miguel: "Why don't you switch to tea bags from now on?"

Eve: "Is Charity having premonitions again?"

Miguel: "No, it's worse. She broke up with me."

Pilar Lopez-Fitzgerald

Pilar: "...And you, Martin, you better start honoring your commitment to me and to our family and to our children, or I swear, I will chop off what you can't seem to control!"

Martin: "I've never heard you talk this way."

Pilar: "Because I'm not the little - desperate housewife that you abandoned any more. I've learned to stand up for myself. I'm not going to settle with you in my bed while your heart lays with Katherine. Get over her! Get over her once and for all. And never take her side over mine again.

- 2005

Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald

• I've lost the only man worth dieting for!
• [to Whitney] What do you think? If you allow yourself to have feelings for some guy, your arm will just fall off and you'll never play tennis again?

Rebecca Osborn

• Seeing you like that, Pilar, reminds me of an old TV show. "The Jeffersons." You're moving on up!"
• Theresa is just like that little pink bunny, she keeps lying and lying and lying."
• [about Edna Wallace] Oh, my God! Alistair rode that old Jalopy? Oh! And people say I'm depraved.

Sam: "Now, I've heard enough of you ladies yelling at each other."

Rebecca: "Theresa's no lady, she's a tramp."

Julian: "This is all Theresa's fault!"

Rebecca: "Why? What did she do? Hide your Viagra?"

Simone Russell

• [about Chad] Isn't he just the tastiest thing you ever saw in your life?
• [Kay informs Simone that her "chest exercises" have paid off] Get real, girl. There's a lot more than exercises in that bra.

TC Russell

• Irma, I don't know where the hell you get these crazy accusations about Eve - that she had a baby with another man. Maybe it's because you're watching those crazy soap operas... the one that comes on after Days of Our Lives, but that's totally unbelievable!

Liz Sanbourne

• You know what they say about denial: it's not just a river in Egypt.

Grace Standish

Ivy: "You were always so good in the kitchen. I wish I'd taken Home Ec in school."

Grace: "You were probably too busy cramming for "How to Be a Bitch 101:.

Ivy: "You know, Grace, you're usually so passive I'd forgotten that you had any wit."

Grace: "I wouldn't worry about it, because I hear that memory loss is quite common in menopausal women."

Timmy

• [Timmy speaks to a sleeping Charity] Timmy would lay down his life for you... if Timmy had a life to lay down.
• So Charity's like Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker combined?

Tabitha: "So, you told Julian that I'm a witch."

Timmy: "Timmy didn't mean to say anything bad."

Tabitha: "Yes, I tried, Timmy, but I failed! I failed! It's results that count. Oh. I never thought I'd see the day where I have to leave Harmony with my tail between my legs."

Timmy: "You have a tail?"

Beth Wallace

Beth: "Okay, okay, okay... I'm calm. And I am calmly asking you. How are we supposed to get Sheridan off the grounds without being seen?"

Charlie: "Very carefully."

Beth: "Of course. Very carefully. Why didn't I think of that? Very carefully!"

Edna Wallace

• [about Beth] "Strike her down now, God! Lightning bolts 'til she's good and crispy!

Ethan Winthrop

• [to Sheridan] "Studies I've seen say the number one reason marriages are successful is because the two people involved have a lot in common. You have a lot. Luis is common.

Ivy Winthrop

[Julian attemps to seduce Ivy]

Julian: "I have wondered... how you could go so long without a man."

Ivy: "With a man like you? It's easy."

Julian: "I'm in no mood to play "Let's Provoke Julian" today.

Ivy: "Pity. It's my favorite game!"

• What's up, Julian? It wouldn't have anything to do with, let's see, a mysterious bird statue?
• Well, we all remember where the bloody corpse dream got the family the last time.
• Let me out! I have a bride to bludgeon to death.

Rebecca: "Ivy, Didn't you wear that last year?"

Ivy: "Yes, I did. And what are you, Rebecca, some large, yellow bird's date?"

- December 2003

[Miguel bursts into the Bennetts' house, where Ivy is having a drink]

Miguel: "Ms. Winthrop... where did that crazy fog come from? I mean, it's like pea soup! There were all these bats flying around my head..."

Ivy: "Bats? Oh, Miguel, you shouldn't drink the cheap stuff."