Peanuts Quotations

Peanuts was a comic strip drawn by Charles M. Schulz from 1950 until 2000, and was also developed into several TV animated specials and four animated theatrical features. The strip's most recognizable icons are born-loser Charlie Brown and his lazy dog Snoopy, who will always sleep on his dog house instead of inside it.

Common Phrases

Good grief!

I can't stand it! I just can't stand it!

You blockhead(s)!

(usually to Charlie Brown): That's the way it goes...

AAUGH!!

Rats!

WAAH!

Charlie Brown

It depresses a manager to see his team cry... (14 Jun 58)

(sees Lucy wearing one of his shirts:) Well hello there, Charlie Brown, you blockhead!! (Violet and Patty crack up as Lucy sighs and Charlie Brown walks away) (22 Feb 59)

(after proving there are no spiders in the baseball gloves:) In all the history of baseball, there has never been a manager who has had to go through what I have to go through! (6 Apr 61)

Other kids' baseball heroes hit home runs. Mine gets sent down to the minors! (7 May 63)

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter like unrequited love! (15 Dec 64)

(On the Little red-haired girl:) I hate myself for not having enough nerve to talk to her! Well, that's not exactly true... I hate myself for a lot of other reasons too. (17 Dec 64)

(in the class spelling bee, asked to spell the word "maze":) M...A...Y...S... AAUGH! (9 Feb 66)

(waking up after getting hit with a line drive:) I'm dying, and all I hear is insults! (3 Aug 66 and A Boy Named Charlie Brown)

I've developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time. (8 Aug 66)

(on being made a school crossing guard:) When I got called to the office, I was a nobody...now, I'm a man with a badge! (14 Nov 66)

I don't have a ball team, I have a theological seminary! (17 Sept 67)

My stomach hurts... (30 Oct 69 and various other strips)

(on his dancing skills:) The girls hated me, but the teacher said I was very creative. She said that was the first time she ever saw anyone dance the Fox-Waltz! (27 Jan 85)

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Why me?" Then a voice answers, "Nothing personal... your name just happened to come up." (13 Nov 93)

(in one of his last main strips:) This is my Joe Torre look. I'm going to use it next season. I'll manage the team from the bench like Joe Torre, and I'll stare at everybody like this, and we'll win every game. (27 Dec 99)

Why can't I have a normal (dog, baseball team, groundskeeper, etc...) like everyone else?

(on the little red-haired girl:) I don't ever want to forget her face, but if I don't, I'll go crazy. How can I remember the face I can't forget? Suddenly I'm writing country-western music! (4 Oct 69)

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another...

My anxieties have anxieties. (9 Nov 68)

(mixing up his proverbs:) "He to whom the early bird runs best learns wisdom and knowledge!"

For one brief moment today I thought I was winning in the game of life. But there was a flag on the play!

I'm not a poor loser, I'm a good loser. I'm so good at it I lose all the time!

Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!

Life is like an ice cream cone...you have to learn to lick it.

(to Snoopy:) Why aren't you a pony?! (26 Aug 65)

Yes ma'am, I understand, that's life: Front row in the classroom, last row, back deck in the ballpark.

Sally Brown

I would like to say I enjoyed this first day at school. I realize the teachers have put in a lot of effort, and a host of administrators have worked hard to develop our current scholastic program. The PTA has also done its share as have the school custodians. Therefore, I would like very much to say I enjoyed this first day at school. But I didn't! (9 Sept 63)

(in school, asked a question by her teacher:) Who was the father of Henry IV?! I COULD NOT POSSIBLY CARE LESS! ... I'm sorry... I apologize... That was just a gut reaction. (5 May 72)

Today for "Show and Tell" I have brought my brother's dog. (watches as Snoopy begins to dance in front of the class) Which may turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life! (13 Sept 73)

A centimeter? If any centimeters come crawling into this room, I'll step on 'em! (17 Oct 74)

School starts again in two weeks. My furlough is almost over. ... How long do you have to be in before you get shore leave? (25 Aug 81)

(bursting into Charlie Brown's room:) Wake up, Santa Claus came last night and he didn't leave you anything! (Pause) April fool! (25 Dec 91)

(to Linus): My Sweet Babboo!

(to one of her teachers, who immediately bursts into tears) My name is Sally Brown and I hate school.

(why she wants to be a nurse:) I like white shoes. (15 Jun 68)

Happiness is having your own library card. (26 Apr 64)

(going door to door with Charlie Brown, helping him sell his homemade Christmas wreaths:) Ask your mother if she'd like to buy a wreath. Tell her they were made from the famous forests of Lebanon. ... If you buy two, we'll throw in an autographed photo of King Solomon!

(at another door:) Good morning, would you like to buy a Christmas wreath made from some junky old branches my brother found in a Christmas tree lot?! You wouldn't, would you? And I can't say I blame you! (to Charlie Brown) See, your way doesn't work either!

How can I go to school if I don't know any of the answers?

I'm writing to Joe Garagiagiariolia.

(on Linus:) Isn't he the cutest thing?

(another Sally malapropism, used when writing to a movie critic:) Dear Sir, You are a nidiot! You are also an ucklehead! (sic - not a typo)

That was weird, big brother. I could hear your face fall clear out in the other room! (23 Mar 81)

(on Linus:) He's my Sweet Babboo and I'm his Babbooette. (11 Feb 91)

I'm taking the advice of Theodore Roosevelt...speak softly and carry a beagle! (Aug 74)

I'm addressing Christmas cards. Aren't they cute? Each one has a little bunny on it dressed up like a shepherd. Don't say I'm not religious! (3 Dec 76)

(reciting 'Twas the Night Before Christmas:) The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hope that Jack Nicklaus soon would be there. (11 Dec 68)

(reciting her "Hark!" line in the Christmas play:) Hockey stick!

I ruined the whole Christmas play! Everybody hates me! Moses hates me, Luke hates me, The Apostles hate me! All 50 of 'em! (23 Dec 83)

Sally's school reports

Light travels at a speed of 186,000 miles per second. ... So why are the afternoons so long? (1 Jun 76)

One "Rod" equals nine feet. One "Span" equals nine inches. One "Pace" equals three feet. One "Handbreadth" equals three inches. And one "School Day" equals a hundred years! Sorry, ma'am, I couldn't help slipping that in there. (9 May 84)

Today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. ... Abraham Lincoln was our sixteenth king and he was the father of Lot's wife. (12 Feb 70)

English Theme: "Vandalism as a Problem Today." Who is the leader of these vandals? I will tell you. They are encouraged by Evandalists!

Britain was invaded in the year 43 by Roman Numerals.

Life in the village was peaceful until the volcano interrupted.

When writing about Church History, we have to go back to the very beginning. Our Pastor was born in 1930.

This is my report on Rain. Rain is water which does not come out of faucets. Without rain, we would not get wet walking to school and catch a cold and have to stay home, which is not a bad idea. Rain was the inspiration for that immortal poem, "Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day." After a storm, the rain goes down the drain which is where I sometimes feel my education is also going. (7 Nov 73)

English Theme: "If I Had A Pony." If I had a pony, I'd saddle up and ride so far from this school it would make your head swim! (29 Sept 70)

Some people are right-handed. Some people are left-handed. There are other people who are able to use both hands with equal ease. Such people are called Handbidextrous. (17 Oct 76)

There are seven continents: Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, North America, South America, and Aunt Arctica.

The largest dinosaur that ever lived was the Bronchitis. It soon became extinct. It coughed a lot. (11 Dec 72)

Snoopy

on why he doesn't chase rabbits: Some of us are born dogs, and some of us are born rabbits. When the chips are down, I'll have to admit that my sympathy lies with the rabbits. (15 Apr 61)

as "World-Famous Astronaut": I did it! I'm the first beagle on the moon! I beat the Russians...I beat everybody...I even beat that stupid cat who lives next door! (14 Mar 69)

It was a dark and stormy night... (appeared for the first time on 12 Jul 65)

The opening line of the novel Snoopy is forever starting. A well-known quotation from Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

Here's

- Joe Cool
- The World War I Flying Ace
- The world-famous
- Scoutmaster
- Skating Coach

My mind reels with sarcastic replies.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. *sigh!* There's so little hope for advancement.

Snoopy asked the "Stupid Cat Next Door" to help remove a splinter from his paw: Well that's one way of doing it - he removed me from the splinter!

arm-wrestling Lucy: Succumb, you dark-haired fiend! (14 Feb 67)

on Molly Volley: I've had distemper, and I've played mixed doubles...I'd rather have distemper.

Here's Joe Cool hanging around the student union eyeing chicks. Lucy storms past. Actually, we Joe Cools are scared to death of chicks... (28 May 71)

I remember last year about this time... it was two o'clock in the morning, and I was sound asleep... Suddenly, out of nowhere, this crazy guy with a sled appears right on my roof. He was okay, but those stupid reindeer kept stepping on my stomach! (23 Dec 66)

As the World War I Flying Ace

after a trip to the vet: They tortured me, but all I gave them was my name, rank and serial number! (19 Aug 66)

Curses, foiled again!

oft-repeated line: Curse you, Red Baron!

As the "World Famous Novelist"

"A Love Story" by Erich Beagle: "I love you," she said, and together they laughed. Then one day she said, "I hate you," and they cried. But not together. "What happened to the love that we said would never die?" she asked. "It died," he said. The first time he saw her she was playing tennis. The last time he saw her she was playing tennis. "Ours was a Love set," he said, "but we double faulted." "You always talked a better game than you played," she said. (27 May 73?

Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone. "I've solved our problem," he said. "I've bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!" She hit him with a waffle iron. (6 Aug 73)

Why Dogs Are Superior to Cats: They just are, and that's all there is to it! (5 Jan 74)

Her love affair had ended. She didn't want to live. She threw herself in front of a Zamboni. (27 Jun 91)

(After Lucy tells him to write about something positive for a change:) It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a kiss rang out! (19 Nov 81)

(After Lucy tells him to write a political novel:) It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a vote rang out! (14 Nov 83)

(After Lucy tells him to write a Thanksgiving novel:) It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a turkey rang out! (22 Nov 83)

(After Lucy suggests he begin his story with "Once upon a time":) Once upon a time...It was a dark and stormy night. (unknown date)

Once there were two mice who lived in a museum. One evening after the museum had closed, the first mouse crawled into a huge suit of armor. Before he knew it, he was lost. "Help!" he shouted to his friend. "Help me make it through the knight!" (6 Dec 74)

The Gift: It was the holiday season. She and her husband had decided to attend a performance of King Lear. It was their first night out together in months. During the second act one of the performers became ill. The manager of the theater walked onto the stage, and asked, "Is there a doctor in the house?" Her husband stood up, and shouted, "I have an honorary degree from Anderson College!" It was at that moment when she decided not to get him anything for Christmas. (22 Dec 74)

Travel Tips, "Arriving Home": When putting away your luggage after arriving home, always close the zippers so bugs can't crawl in. (20 Sept 82)

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, out of the mist a spooky figure appeared. How spooky was he? Spoooooooky! (8 Jul 91)

Her real name was Dorothy Fledermaus. But all her friends called her "Dee." Thus, she was frequently referred to as "Dee Fledermaus." (shakes his head, crumples his paper into a ball and thinks, "uh uh!") (12 Jul 73)

"You love hockey more than you love me!" she complained. "You love those hockey gloves and shinguards and skates and elbow pads more than you love me!" "That's not true!" he said. "I love you much more than I love my elbow pads." (23 Nov 82)

(After Lucy tells him to write an adventure story featuring a dashing hero:) He was a dark and stormy knight. (2 May 83)

Beauty Tips - How to Look Younger: Don't be born so soon. (4 May 82)

Woodstock

| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|,.."||,
!

(Note: He can't actually speak, thus his "lines" always appear this way.")

Linus van Pelt

Thus endeth....

(told by his mother to come in from playing in the sandbox for dinner:) You can't fight city hall! (19 Oct 59)

(on why he can't watch Lucy making a jack-o-lantern:) You didn't tell me you were going to kill it! (31 Oct 59)

(disappointed that the Great Pumpkin didn't show up:) I was a victim of false doctrine. (3 Nov 59)

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life! (17 Jun 61)

(to his blanket:) People are beginning to say nasty things about me. I'm sorry, blanket... I'm going to have to leave you here by the side of the road! (walks away, but quickly turns back after going only a few feet, and embraces his blanket again) It was whimpering! (20 Jul 61)

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin! (25 Oct 61)

(Lucy threatens to hit him for refusing to memorize his lines for the Christmas program:) Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous! (17 Dec 61)

(on his blanket-hating grandmother:) She no sooner got in the house when she took my blanket away! She gave me a dollar to make up for it, but I'm gonna look awfully silly sucking my thumb and holding a dollar. ... And I don't feel very secure, either! (14 Jan 63)

I guess I talk too much. My mom is mad at me... my grandma is mad at me... everyone is mad at me. Yesterday my grandma drank thirty-two cups of coffee. I shouldn't have said anything. I suggested that perhaps her drinking thirty-two cups of coffee was not unlike my need for a security blanket... She didn't like the comparison. (17 Jan 63)

(Linus found his missing blanket:) There was a little mix-up in the kitchen. Lucy was using my blanket to dry the dishes. We now have very secure dishes! (20 Feb 64)

(on the New Math:) How can you solve "new math" problems with an "old math" mind? (22 Apr 64)

(on studying the letters of the Apostle Paul:) I must admit it makes me feel a little guilty. I always feel like I'm reading someone else's mail! (6 Nov 64)

(in a snow fort:) I am king of all I survey! This is an impregnable fortress! No one can take it! I could defend this position from a hundred attackers! I have ammunition enough to fight the whole day! This fortress stands firm and unyielding! It is like the rock of Gibralter! [sic - please note this is how the word is spelled in the actual strip] It is like... (Lucy hits him from behind with a snowball) You'll notice that you had to use strategy though, didn't you?! (2 Jan 66)

Why do I have to get a measles shot? Who ever worries about measles? What's a little "rubeola" among friends? (3 Jan 67)

(on his grandmother, who quit smoking to get Linus to give up his blanket:) That gray-haired, foxy old rascal! (1 Sept 67)

(embracing his blanket after rescuing it from the trash burner as quoted above:) Are you all right, ol' buddy? (13 Sept 67)

(after listening to Frieda moan about everyone shunning her for turning Snoopy in to the Head Beagle:) Of course, they won't! Anyone who would turn someone in to the Head Beagle doesn't deserve to be spoken to! (17 Oct 69)

(Linus gave Snoopy his security blanket to keep for him in an attempt to break the habit, but when Linus decided he wanted the blanket back, he saw that Snoopy had the blanket made into sport coats for himself and Woodstock:) It's all your fault, Charlie Brown, because you own such a stupid beagle! Do you know what I just read in a medical journal? It said that a person who is deprived of his blanket by a stupid beagle who has it made into a sport coat cannot survive for more than forty-eight hours! (12 Nov 71)

(on World War II; the Stupid Cat Next Door:) That's no kitten - that's a thousand-pound gully cat! (18 Apr 72)

You can't bluff an old theologian! (6 Dec 72)

to Sally: I'm not your Sweet Babboo! (9 Oct 78 and various other strips)

(Lucy kicked him out of his beanbag yet again:) So! Miss "Have It Her Own Way" does it again! Miss Sobersides has arrived, and has taken over. Attention world! Miss Fussbudget of 1984 is here to tell us all what to do! Miss Fullcharge knows what's good for everyone! Miss Bossy... (Lucy throws beanbag at him, and Linus falls to the ground) ... She can stand being called anything but "bossy." (16 Sept 84)

I love mankind - it's people I can't stand! (12 Nov 59)

(on Lucy:) I keep hoping that someday they'll develop a crabbiness vaccine.

In all this world, there is no heavier burden than a great potential!

(after Linus explains to Eudora about the Great Pumpkin, and Lucy then tells Eudora, "See?":) How sharper than a serpent's tooth is a sister's "see?"! (26 Oct 80)

Do chicken-birds ever build their nests on mountaintops?

Good ol' Charlie Brown... he's the Charlie Brownest!

(on suckers:) Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker. (15 Nov 57)

(on Miss Othmar, his teacher:) I've never said I worship her. I just said I'm very fond of the ground on which she walks! (8 Oct 59)

(Lashes out at Lucy for once more taking his blanket away from him and throwing it in the trash burner:) NOBODY is going to cure me of ANYTHING! Who are YOU to tell me what to do?! Who is GRAMMA to tell me what to do?! When MOM tells me it's time to stop dragging this blanket around, THEN I'll do it! But it's no one else's business! DO YOU HEAR?!

Lucy van Pelt

(to Charlie Brown:) You've been striking out every time you got up to bat anyway. It'll be best if you stay home. Don't let your team down by showing up! (16 Apr 63)

Can I help it if I was born with crabby genes?! (1 Feb 66)

(on autumn:) See these leaves, Linus? They're flying south for the winter! (14 Oct 66)

(to Linus:) Do you realize that people are coming up to me, and saying "your brother pats birds on the head"? Well, I want you to stop it! Do you hear me?! Stop it!!! (Bird trips her) (30 May 67)

(in her psychiatric booth, consoling Charlie Brown after accidentally re-hooking Linus on security blankets after he kicked his habit on his own): In all of mankind's history, there has never been more damage done than by people who "thought they were doing the right thing." Five cents, please. (18 Nov 71)

(learning of Rerun's birth, after having thrown Linus out of the house:) A new baby brother?!! But I just got rid of the old one!!! (23 May 72)

What's wrong with a world where someone like Charlie Brown can get sick, and then not get any better? I NEED SOMEONE TO HIT!! (26 Jul 79)

(in right field:) This guy can't hit it! He swings like my grandmother! (a handbag is thrown at Lucy from behind and hits her in the head) Sorry, Grandma... it was just an expression... (17 Jul 82)

By the time I've grown up, we'll probably have a woman president. You know what that means, don't you? It means I won't get to be the first one. BOY, THAT MAKES ME MAD!! (29 Mar 84)

I keep wondering if Mom's planning to have more children. Lately she's been referring to me as "Volume One." (17 Feb 96)

(at the end of every session at her psychiatric booth:) Five cents, please.

(being chased by the other kids after purposely spoiling their games:) I'm frustrated and inhibited, and no one understands me. (24 Jan 54)

(threatening Linus:) These five fingers: individually they're nothing, but when I curl them together like this into a single unit (making a fist), they form a weapon that is terrible to behold! (5 Jan 64)

(to Charlie Brown, at her psychiatric booth, explaining why people take advantage of him by talking too much:) It's your own fault! You're just too wishy-washy! People who talk too much deserve to be insulted! They deserve to have other people walk away from them! Talking too much is an unforgivable social sin - absolutely unforgivable! The only way to deal with people who talk too much is to let them know just how boring they really are. You can't waste your time with them, no, sir! Why should you sit and waste your valuable time while some bore talks on and on about nothing? Life is too short to waste it listening to some person who doesn't know when to shut up! Time is too valuable! Time is... (Charlie Brown sighs) (21 Jan 68)

(on Snoopy, watching his inauguration as "Head Beagle" on TV:) He'll probably get impeached! (18 Feb 70)

(Lucy was dictating her letter to Santa Claus to Linus; Linus refused to write that Lucy had been "perfect" all year, and Lucy hit him:) I have an opening for a new secretary... anyone care to apply? (14 Dec 69)

Lucy the Athlete

No problem, manager... I missed it, but the ground caught it! Nice catch, ground! You're doing a good job! (18 Jul 77)

Watching your graceful movements on the pitcher's mound lulled me to sleep! (10 May 78)

I think there were toxic substances coming from my glove, and they made me dizzy. (24 May 81)

When the sun reflects off the bright yellow dandelions, I can't see the ball. (2 Jun 99)

The moons of Saturn got in my eyes.

Did you see that fly ball? I don't want to be out there alone when it comes down.

(she waited for a grounder to stop rolling before she picked it up:) It was having a good time, and I didn't want to disturb it. (28 Jul 72)

(after kicking a football backwards over her own head:) I'm too feminine for this game! (1 Dec 64)

(after missing the ball and telling Charlie Brown:) Sorry I missed that one, manager. I thought I had it, then I remember all those other balls I missed. The past got in my eyes.

(after discussing the prehistory of the baseball field with Patty:) A fossil got in my eyes!

(purposely refusing to catch a fly ball:) I'm a New Feminist!

Rerun van Pelt

(his mother's lost three pounds by bicycling:) And through sheer terror I've lost five! (21 Jan 74)

Riding around all day on the back of your mom's bicycle gives you plenty of time to think...it gives you time to think about people and about life...and about what would happen if we ran into a tree! (22 Jan 74)

(to his basketball, angrily tossing it into the closet after he tried to shoot a basket twice and missed both times:)You can come out when you learn to behave! (30 Mar 97)

I don't think I should go to school anymore. Instead of getting smarter, I'm getting dumber every day. I figure in about one more month I'll bottom out. (30 Apr 97)

I can't go to school...I've been suspended again for one day...another whole day! Years from now, you know what people are going to say about me? "He's one day dumber than he should be!" (30 Oct 97)

I could run the whole world right here from under my bed! (27 Jan 98)

(Lucy is sitting on all three sofa cushions leaving Linus and Rerun to sit on the springs)
(to Linus:) Maybe someday you can explain her to me, okay?

Schroeder

(after a fly ball hits Lucy, Snoopy, Linus, Violet, 5 and Pigpen in the head:) I think you're right; six bonks is a new record. (22 May 83)

I'm inclined to agree with you, Charlie Brown. But on the other hand we must be cautious in our thinking. We must be careful not to "throw out the baby with the bath." (Baby Sally, who is listening, suddenly looks panicked; Schroeder looks at her and says:) Please pardon the expression. (17 Oct 59)

The joy is in the playing.

(sees Lucy and Snoopy brawling:) Fighting under the mistletoe? How unfeminine...how unromantic...how gauche! (27 Dec 70)

(Lucy asks if musicians make a lot of money:) Who cares about money?! This is ART, you blockhead! This is great music I'm playing, and playing great music is an art! Do you hear me? An art! (pounding on piano) Art! Art! Art! Art! Art!" ( 30 Sept 56)

(when Charlie Brown asks him how he's able to play such complicated pieces on his toy piano when the black keys are just painted on:) [matter-of-factly] I practice a lot. (9 Apr 53)

(when Lucy was crying over Charlie Brown in the hospital:) It's interesting that you should cry over him when you're the one who always treated him so mean! And stop wiping your tears with my piano!

Peppermint Patty

(In Patty's very first strip, she watches Roy write to Linus:) Is he cute? If he is, tell him your very good friend, "Peppermint" Patty, says hello. Tell him what a real swinger I am. Put in a good word for me, Roy, and the next time we Indian wrestle, I'll try not to clobber you! (22 Aug 66)

(on Schroeder:) I come clear across town to play ball, and who do I get for a catcher? A miniature Leonard Bernstein! (1 Sept 66)

(on Snoopy:) He's a good skater, but he's the funniest-looking kid I've ever seen! (10 Jan 69 - Patty did not realize until several years later that Snoopy is really a dog)

(on Charlie Brown:) I could strike him out on three straight pitches! (11 Mar 71 and other strips)

(to Charlie Brown, flirtatiously:) You touched my hand, Chuck! (5 Jun 71 and other strips)

No book on psychology could be any good if one can understand it! (3 Jun 72)

(to Marcie:) Stop calling me sir! (8 Jun 72 and numerous other strips)

Subtraction? Oh, yes, ma'am, I can explain it. Subtraction is the awful feeling that you know less today than you did yesterday. (13 Nov 78)

Ma'am? What kind of test are we having today? Multiple choice? Good! I choose not to take it! (8 Jan 79)

Who was the first Tudor king? Well, let me think... Is this for real, Ma'am? Or are we playing Trivia? (25 May 84)

(the first day of school, after Patty was held back a grade the previous year:) Fasten your seat belt, ma'am! Here I come again! (4 Sept 84)

(bowling a boy down the aisle at school after he insults her:) Watch for you and me on TV, kid...the program is called "bowl a pupil"! (6 Sept 84)

Ma'am? I don't understand this first question... which ocean are we studying? Could you be more Pacific? (7 Sept 88)

I don't look so bad after all! That's always been my ambition... to not look so bad after all. (8 Aug 97)

I think all these D-minuses are polluting the atmosphere.

(Marcie tells her that teacher might have to resort to "castigation" because Patty has not done her homework:) They can't do something to you if you don't know what it means.

(Patty failed another test by answering every question wrong:) I'm a chess player in a parchesi world.

Here's my term paper, ma'am. Please judge it with mercy. Treat it as you would a newborn child. Which it is because I just wrote it this morning!

Check this out: a school for gifted children! I've never heard before of a school that gives you things.

Don't hassle me with your sighs, Chuck! (12 Feb 76)

This is my report on Washington, D.C. "D.C." stands for Doctor. Dr. Washington was an opthalmologist. His best friend was named Bunker Hill. One day on the battlefield, Dr. Washington looked at Bunker Hill and said, "There's something wrong with the whites of your eyes!" As a reward for saving his friend's vision, the people voted to make Dr. Washington their coach.

This is my report on Hamlet. A hamlet is a small village with a population of maybe a few hundred, and... (19 May 94)

Sometimes I think I tore all the ligaments in my head. (8 Jun 89)

Do me a favor, will you, ma'am? Call the roll again, and see if I'm here!

(after a surprisingly enjoyable book assignment:) Thank you, ma'am, for forcing us to read it!

(after falling asleep in class:) I'm awake! The answer is twelve!

(usually said after she tries to confide in Charlie Brown and he doesn't tell her what she wants to hear:) I hate talking to you, Chuck!

(on why she gets bad grades:) Teachers don't like kids with big noses!

(reporting on a classical concert she attended:) We went to the concert, and heard "Adagio for Strings" by Samuel The Barber. (30 Jul 95)

(taking a test:) True! ... False! ... And one good old-fashioned MAYBE!!! (9 Sept 73)

Marcie

Do footballs mind being kicked, sir? Do you think it causes them to be traumatized? (12 Sept 82)

(her father is taking her to a Mighty Ducks hockey game:) I think we're going to see the Mighty Flamingos. (17 Nov 93)

(after the hockey game) I got to meet the guy who drives the Zucchini. (27 Sept 93)

(to Peppermint Patty:) You're weird, sir!

Your optimism should be framed, Charles.

(trying to clean a golf ball:) After I peeled the white cover off, I couldn't get the ball back in.

(on why she's taking violin lessons for the summer instead of going to camp:) You can't play Brahms on a canoe paddle, sir. (28 Jun 98)

(on the Super Bowl:) We'll never make it to the Splendid Bowl, sir. (13 Nov 88)

(on the Super Bowl:) Sometimes I get a little curious ... did anybody make a hole-in-one?

(after admiring Charlie Brown at his events:) I admire your élan, Charles.

Frieda

(once more antagonizing Snoopy about being the only animal in the neighborhood:) You're so smug! You think you've got it made, don't you? You think you're king because you're the only animal around here! Well, do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get a cat! (15 May 61)

People hate cats. People hate people who own cats. And people especially hate people with naturally curly hair who own cats! (12 Jul 61)

You're not pitching right, Charlie Brown. Whenever the other team hits the ball to us, and we try to catch it, the ball stings our hands! Try to pitch so that the ball won't sting our hands. (24 Apr 62)

What's the good of having naturally curly hair if nobody's jealous?! (24 Oct 62)

People always expect more of you when you have naturally curly hair! (11 Dec 63)

(berating Snoopy for his lack of exercise:) You're flabby! If a crisis ever occurred, your muscles would never respond! (12 Aug 64)

(after Charlie Brown angrily discovered she reported his dog to the Head Beagle:) It was his own fault! He never wanted to go rabbit chasing with me! (14 Oct 69)

(after everyone in the neighborhood turns their back on her for reporting Snoopy to the Head Beagle:) Everyone's mad at me! No one will speak to me. (After Linus replies, "Of course, they won't! Anyone who would turn someone in to the Head Beagle doesn't deserve to be spoken to!") I didn't know what I was doing! I was upset! (To which Linus answers, "Don't talk to me, it's too late now!") (17 Oct 69)

(Lucy tells her that to hang around Schroeder, she has to like Beethoven:) All right, but I'll just have a small glass... (18 Jan 70)

Pig-Pen

I have affixed to me the dust and dirt of countless ages...who am I to disturb history? (18 Sept 55)

You know what I am? I'm a dust magnet! (25 Nov 59)

(after Violet chides him for being dirty and calls him a "germ carrier":) Even germs get tired of walking now and then! (14 Jul 61)

(when Lucy asks him why he doesn't look neat like the other players on the team:) Last year I batted .712. Neatness doesn't bat .712! (20 Mar 97)

(explaining why the teacher doesn't recognize him:) The janitor keeps sweeping me out! (8 Sept 99) (Pigpens final comic)

Violet Gray

I'm in business...these are ready-mix mud pies! (22 May 53)

(to Patty:) You an' I have a lot in common...we both dislike the same things about Charlie Brown! (31 Aug 53)

(after she and Patty tear into Charlie Brown again and he walks away, very dejected:) You know, it's a strange thing about Charlie Brown...you almost never see him laugh. (4 Dec 59)

My Dad can _______ better than your Dad.

Patty

Little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. (hits Charlie Brown) That's what little girls are made of. (3 Oct 50)

It's a lot more fun not inviting people than it is inviting them! (14 Oct 52)

(to Lucy:) You'll always be a crabby little girl! You were born crabby and you're going to stay crabby! Don't think you're going to change because you're not! (16 May 64)

Shermy

Well! Here comes ol' Charlie Brown! Good ol' Charlie Brown...yes, sir! Good ol' Charlie Brown...how I hate him! (02 Oct 50 - the very first Peanuts strip)

(telling Charlie Brown he's quitting the baseball team:) I'm the kind who needs to win now and then. With you it's different. I think you get sort of a neurotic pleasure out of losing all the time. (3 Aug 62)

Every Christmas it's the same - I always end up playing a shepherd. (A Charlie Brown Christmas)

Eudora

Saturday's the only day I never get anything wrong.

(on Orientation at camp:) If they try to ship us to the Orient, forget it!

(to teacher:) Our family just moved here from out of state. (...) No, ma'am...I don't know which state. I don't even know where I am now!

Lydia

(Linus is two months older:) Aren't you kind of old for me? (9 Jun 86)
(to Linus:) You like mint chocolate chip? I'm surprised...most older people like vanilla! (Linus fumes.) (13 Jun 86)
Today my name is (insert flowery-sounding or unusual female name here, such as: Melissa, Anna, Olivia, etc.)
(during Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales (2002), she announces:) Today, my name is Jezebel. (Linus then tells her the story of the Biblical Jezebel's grisly death. She responds:) Today, my name is Susan. (18 Dec 87)

Spike

The annual meeting of the Cactus Club will now come to order...

(after Peppermint Patty loses a golf game:) Perhaps you'd like to invest in some choice real estate near Needles? My card!

(on selling "oceanview property" in Needles:) I figured coyotes can see a long way.

(puts hat on left side of cactus) Sometimes I hang my hat here, And sometimes I hang my hat over here. Who said desert life is boring?

1950s Strips

Charlie Brown: Sixty-three runs in the very first inning!
Schroeder: There goes our shutout! (15 Aug 52)

(Lucy is balancing on one foot, and asking Charlie Brown to watch what she's doing)

Lucy: Watch me, Charlie Brown! I'm standing on one foot! Watch me.

Charlie Brown: Oh, great scott! (note: Charlie Brown originally said this excalmation before "Good Grief" was developed) Can't you see I'm reading, Lucy? Don't bother me!

(Lucy breaks down into tears)

Lucy: Waaah! You don't like me!

Charlie Brown: All right, stand on one foot... I'll watch you.

(Lucy walks away)

Lucy: I don't want to! (Unspecified 52)

Lucy: Can you take a little friendly criticism, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: Why, of course. I'm not above that sort of thing at all; a little friendly criticism can always be helpful to a person. What is it you wanted to say?
Lucy: You're kind of stupid. (17 May 55)

Schroeder: (to Lucy:) I wouldn't marry you unless you were the last girl on earth!
Lucy: Did you say "if" or "unless"?
Schroeder: I admit I said "unless"...
Lucy: HOPE!!! (18 July 59)

Charlie Brown: Life is just too much for me. I've been confused right from the day I was born. I think the whole trouble is that we're thrown into life too fast... we're not really prepared.
Linus: What did you want... a chance to warm up first? (9 Sep 59)

1960s Strips

Charlie Brown: Is Linus back from lunch yet?
Schroeder: Yes, he's back, and Shermy and Snoopy and Violet are back too...but now Patty and Lucy and Frieda have gone home for supper. (*Sigh*) This has been a long first inning! (5 Apr 63)

Charlie Brown: Joe Shlabotnik? Really? You have a Joe Shlabotnik? You have a Joe Shlabotnik bubble gum card? He's my favorite player! I've been trying to get him on a bubble gum card for five years! You wanna trade? Here... I'll give you Whitey Ford, Mickey Mantle, Robin Roberts, Luis Aparicio, Bill Monbouquette, Dick Stuart and Juan Pizarro!
Lucy: No, I don't think so...
Charlie Brown: How about Nellie Fox, Dick Donovan, Willie Kirkland, Frank Lary, Al Kaline, Orlando Pena, Jerry Lumpe, Camilo Pascual, Harmon Killebrew, Bob Turley and Albie Pearson?
Lucy: No, I don't want to trade. I think Joe Shlabotnik is kind of cute.
Charlie Brown: [increasingly desperate] I'll give you Tom Cheney, Chuck Cottier, Willie Mays, Orlando Cepeda, Maury Wills, Sandy Koufax, Frank Robinson, Bob Purkey, Bill Mazeroski, Harvey Haddix, Warren Spahn, Hank Aaron, Tony Gonzales, Art Mahaffey, Roger Craig, Duke Snider, Don Nottebart, Al Spangler, Curt Simmons, Stan Musial, Ernie Banks and Larry Jackson!
Lucy: No, I don't think so...
Charlie Brown: For five years I've been trying to get a Joe Shlabotnik! My favorite baseball player, and I can't get him on a bubble gum card... Five years! My favorite player... [walks away, very depressed]
Lucy: [examines card for a few seconds] He's not as cute as I thought he was! [tosses card into the trash] (18 Aug 63)

Charlie Brown: Next year I'm going to be a changed person!

Lucy: That's a laugh, Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown: I mean it! I'm going to be strong and firm.

Lucy: Forget it. You'll always be wishy-washy.

Charlie Brown: Why can't I change just a little bit? I'll be wishy one day and washy the next! (31 Dec 65)

Charlie Brown: Shovel your walk?
Patty: For money?
Charlie Brown: Yes, I don't have any use for beads!
Patty slams the door in his face
Charlie Brown: I guess a good businessman can't afford to be sarcastic. (18 Jan 66)

Lucy: (to Charlie Brown) You don't think my brother and I get along very well, do you? You just wait. After we've grown, we'll be very close!
Charlie Brown: What does she mean by "close"?
Linus: We may both live on the same continent! (30 Jul 66)

Charlie Brown: Shovel your walk?
Violet: YOU?
Charlie Brown: I never know how to answer those one-word questions... (15 Dec 66)

Lucy: Here, I brought you a piece of toast.
Linus: Well, thank you.
Lucy: (Holding the toast just out of Linus' reach) "Thank you, dear sister."
Linus: Thank you, dear sister.
Lucy: "Thank you, dear sister... greatest of all sisters!"
Linus: Thank you, dear sister, greatest of all sisters!
Lucy: "Thank you, dear sister, greatest of all sisters, without whom I'd never survive!"
Linus: Thank you, dear sister, greatest of all sisters, without whom I'd never survive!
Lucy: You're very welcome.
Linus: How can I eat when I feel nauseated? (8 Jan 67)

Charlie Brown: This is the time of year when all the big baseball trades are made. I'm going to try to improve our team with a few shrewd trades.
Lucy: That's a great idea, Charlie Brown. Why don't you trade yourself? (8 Nov 67)

Lucy: (walks up to Charlie Brown carrying a baseball glove) Hey, manager... some kid must have left his glove here. It has his name on it. See? Right here... "Willie Mays." He wrote his name on his glove, see? Poor kid... he's probably been looking all over for it. We should have a "Lost and Found." I don't know any kid around here named "Willie Mays," do you? How are we gonna get it back to him? He was pretty smart putting his name on his glove this way, though. It's funny, I just don't remember any kid by that name...
Charlie Brown: Look at the name on your glove.
Lucy: What?
Charlie Brown: (appears slightly irritated) Look at your own glove. There's a name on it.
Lucy: (reads name on glove) "Babe Ruth"... Well, I'll be! How in the world do you suppose I got her glove?! (3 Aug 69)

1970s Strips

Charlie Brown: Why would the library ban Miss Helen Sweetstory's book?
Linus: I can't believe it. I just can't believe it!
Charlie Brown: Maybe there are some things in her book that we don't understand.
Sally: In that case, they should also ban my Math book! (24 Oct 72)

Sally: I'll kick the ball to you, and you come running down the field, and I'll try to hug you.
Linus: Tackle.
Sally: Hug.
Linus: Tackle.
Sally: Hug.
Linus: (walking away) Forget it!
Sally: (kicks football in frustration) Stupid game! (20 Jan 73)

Peppermint Patty: Marcie, I'm short a player. I need you out in right field.
Marcie: I don't know anything about baseball, sir.
Peppermint Patty: All you have to do is stand out there. Please?
Marcie: What if I get put in the penalty box?
Peppermint Patty: There's no penalty box in baseball. Now, please get out there.
Marcie: I forgot to ask if we're playing nine holes or eighteen. (26 July 73)

(Charlie Brown's ball team is the visiting team against Peppermint Patty's team. During practice, Charlie hits Lucy a fly ball, but it lands behind her.)
Charlie Brown: Good grief, Lucy, you're going to have to do better than that!
Lucy: What did you expect? I'm suffering from jet-lag! (07 April 74)

Lucy: Hey, banana nose! I never knew you had an older brother!
Snoopy: Do I bite her on the leg now, or do I wait until Spike gets here, and let him bite her? (5 Aug 75)

Marcie: How many skating tests are there, sir?
Peppermint Patty: Eight, Marcie, and they get harder and harder. Sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me going is the encouraging words of my coach...
Snoopy: Growl, snarl, snap, growf, bark, woof! (4 Jan 78)

1980s Strips

Snoopy: Psst! Wake up, it's almost noon...the early bird gets the worm.
Woodstock: |||||||
Snoopy: That's true...you can get pizza until midnight! (22 Jan 80)

Lucy: Here we go, Charlie Brown... I'll hold the ball, and you come running up and kick it.
Charlie Brown: What you really mean is, you'll pull the ball away, and I'll land on my back and kill myself! Well, I have news for you... Never again! Forget it!
Lucy: Wait!
Charlie Brown: (walking away) I said, forget it!! I'm just glad you're the only person in the world who thinks I'm dumb enough to fall for that trick again.
(Charlie Brown then comes across Snoopy, Woodstock, Sally, Peppermint Patty and Marcie all grinning wickedly and holding footballs for him to run up and kick.) (16 Oct 83)

Peppermint Patty: I'd like to ask the teacher a question, but I'm afraid she'll think it's dumb.
Marcie: They say the only dumb question is the one that you don't ask.
Peppermint Patty: Ma'am? Is it all right if we turn in our book reports a year late?
Marcie: They were wrong! (2 Jan 84)

Peppermint Patty: Let me borrow your ruler, Marcie.
Marcie: As soon as you give my pen back.
Peppermint Patty: If I give your pen back, I won't have any use for the ruler.
Marcie: Sure, you need my pen to draw lines with my ruler on the ten sheets of paper you borrowed from me! (angrily begins gathering her school supplies) Here, why don't you take my eraser, my notebooks, my colored pencils, my comb, my lunch... (throws all of her school supplies at Patty) TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE!!!
Peppermint Patty: (buried in Marcie's school supplies) Do we have time for a garage sale, ma'am? (8 Jan 84)

Peppermint Patty: Everyone had to write an essay on what we did during Christmas vacation. When I got mine back, the teacher had given me a "D minus"...well, I'm used to that, right, Chuck? Right! Now guess what...all those essays went into a city essay contest, and I won! Explain that, Chuck!
Snoopy: Never listen to the reviewers. (9 Jan 85)

Peppermint Patty: School starts next week. I hope I get better grades this year. I hope I'll be the prettiest and smartest girl in the whole class.
Marcie: "Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper."
Peppermint Patty: When we go to college, Marcie, I'm not going to room with you. (27 Aug 86)

Lucy: Why can't you and your dog do some things together? Go out and chase some rabbits.
Charlie Brown: I remember we tried that once...
Snoopy: A rabbit chased us for five miles! (25 Jan 88)

Peppermint Patty: D-minus! Good grief! I got a D-minus in every subject! And look what she wrote on the back... she said I'm not very cute! My dad thinks I'm cute! Every day when I was little, he'd say how cute I was. What does she mean, I'm not cute?! Just because I've got a big nose and mousy-blah hair, doesn't mean I'm not cute!
Marcie: She says your attention span is not very acute.
Peppermint Patty: This is going to be a long summer.
Marcie: You're weird, sir! (5 Jun 88)

1990s Strips

Marcie: While you were asleep, sir, the world came to an end! You and I are the only people left alive!! Volcanoes were erupting! Icebergs were melting! Everything is gone!
Peppermint Patty: Then why is the playground full of kids?
Marcie: Sorry, sir...when I saw you got an "A" on that paper, I thought the world had come to an end... (10 Jun 90)

Peggy Jean: Pretty girls are human, too.
Charlie Brown: You are? (25 Jul 90)

Linus: On Halloween night, the "Great Pumpkin" rises out of the pumpkin patch, and...
Rerun: You're just trying to mess with my mind, aren't you? (28 Oct 96)

Charlie Brown: "Pigpen," I don't understand you. It's only the first inning of our first game, and you're already covered in dirt!
Pig-Pen: This isn't ALL from today. Some of it's left over from last year! (18 Mar 97)

(Pig-Pen has just hit an Inside-The-Park Home Run.)
Charlie Brown: "Pigpen" slides into home! He's safe!! He's getting up! He's dusting himself off!
Lucy: Why? (21 Mar 97)

Charlie Brown: I've come to offer you a free dog; his name is "Olaf".
Marcie: Does he bite?
Charlie Brown: Only if attacked by a pizza... (14 Jun 97)

Lucy: Having an older sister is like having a compass to guide you through life.
Rerun (to Linus): Is that true?
Linus (under blanket): I'm not here. (10 Jul 97)

Peppermint Patty: Quick, Marcie, I need a pencil and some paper. And I need an eraser, a pen and a ruler.
Marcie: (to the teacher) No, Ma'am... I'm her caddie. (18 Sept 97)

Franklin: I never got around to reading the book we were supposed to read during Christmas vacation.
Marcie: I started to read it, but I couldn't understand it...
Peppermint Patty: What book? (4 Jan 99)

Lucy: Hey, manager, how come I always have to play right field?
Charlie Brown: Because you're such a terrible player!
Lucy: I suppose you think you're such a great pitcher, huh? And I suppose you think you're such a great manager?
Charlie Brown: This could turn ugly... (22 Jun 99)

Sally: Lucy's on the phone. She wants to know why she always has to play right field.
Charlie Brown: Traditionally, the player who is weakest defensively plays right field.
Sally: (to Lucy on the phone) He says the dumbest player always plays right field.
Charlie Brown: This could turn really ugly... (23 Jun 99)

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

Linus (after Charlie Brown tells Linus about Christmas becoming depressing and too commercial): Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know that can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Brownest.

Linus: (catches a snowflake on his tongue, chewing and swallowing it) Mmmm.... needs sugar.

Lucy: It's too early. I never eat December snowflakes. I always wait until January.

Linus: (examines snowflakes) They sure look ripe to me.

Lucy: (to Linus) You think you're so smart with that blanket. What are you gonna do with it when you grow up?

Linus: Maybe I'll make it into a sport coat.

Lucy: Do you think you have pantophobia?

Charlie Brown: What's pantophobia?

Lucy: The fear of everything.

Charlie Brown: THAT'S IT!!! (Lucy flies off her seat)

Sally: (dictates her letter to Santa Claus to Charlie Brown) "Dear Santa Claus, how have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been especially good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want."

Charlie Brown: Oh, brother.

Sally: "Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself. Just send money. How about 10's and 20's?"

Charlie Brown: 10's and 20's?! OH! Even my baby sister! (runs off, dismayed)

Sally: All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.

Pig-Pen (to Frieda, after hearing Charlie Brown's flattering assessment of his appearance): Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn't it?

Frieda: You're an absolute mess. Just look at yourself. (hands him a mirror)

Pig-Pen: (looks into the mirror and smiles) On the contrary, I didn't think I looked that good.

Lucy (with Snoopy behind her, mimicking her): No, no, no! Listen, all of you! You've got to take direction, you've got to have discipline, you've got to have respect for your director! (sees Snoopy and turns around) I oughta slug you! (swings at him and gets slurped) Ugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!

Snoopy: Bleah!

Lucy (to Linus, after he asks for one good reason to memorize his part fast): I'll give you five good reasons! (individually clenches her fingers and thumb into a fist) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! (shows him her whole fist)

Linus (shakes his head up and down): Those are good reasons. Christmas is not only getting too commercial. It's getting too dangerous.

Charlie Brown: There's no time for foolishness. We've got to get on with our play!

Lucy: That's right! What about my part? What about the Christmas Queen, hmm? Are you going to let all this beauty go to waste? You do think I'm beautiful, don't you, Charlie Brown? (no response) You didn't answer right away. You had to think about it first, didn't you? If you really thought I was beautiful, you would have spoken right up. (storms off) I know when I've been insulted! I know when I've been insulted!

Charlie Brown: Good grief.

Snoopy: (howls at Charlie Brown's entrance, stopping when Charlie Brown sees him)

Charlie Brown (sarcastically): Man's best friend.

Linus: (after reciting a Bible passage about the angels witnessing to shepherds of Jesus' birth) That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

Everybody: (after showing Charlie Brown the Christmas tree) MERRY CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (1992)

Charlie Brown: I wanted to buy Peggy Jean some gloves for Christmas, but they cost $25.

Sally: She's going to be disappointed when she finds out her boyfriend is a cheapskate!

Charlie Brown: I'm not a cheapskate. I just don't have $25.

Sally: Put it on your credit card.

Charlie Brown: I don't have a credit card.

Sally: So long, Peggy Jean!

Franklin: (as Gabriel in the Christmas play) I am Gabriel. Do not be afraid, Mary.

Marcie: (as Mary) Behold, I am the handmaiden of the Lord.

Peppermint Patty: (as sheep) Baaaa! Baaaa! Baaaa! Baaaa!

Franklin: I am Gabriel, Mary, and I couldn't hear you because of the sheep.

Marcie: (as Mary) And there were shepherds in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

Peppermint Patty: (as sheep) Woof, meow, moo! Whatever.

(The audience breaks into laughter)

Peppermint Patty: (singing as Marcie drags her off the stage with the crook of her staff) "And a partridge in a pear tree!"

Lucy: (suggesting how Charlie Brown could make $25 to buy gloves for Peggy Jean) Maybe you could sell your dog.

(Snoopy sticks out his tongue at Lucy.)

Lucy: I take it back; he's probably only worth fifty cents.

Lucy: Okay, get up! I wanna lie in that beanbag!

Linus: Remember when we were all sitting around the Christmas tree, opening our presents? That's when you said it.

Lucy: That's when I said what?

Linus: It was beautiful. You said, "Why do we have to be nice to each other only on Christmas? Why can't we be nice to each other every day?"

Lucy: (stalks away) You drive me crazy!

Linus: Joy to the world!

Sally: Tell me about Christmas, Linus. How did all this Christmas stuff start anyway? Except for the part about getting lots of presents - I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Linus: Well, this is from the second chapter of Luke---

Sally: You know what I hate? I hate shopping!

Linus: (reading) "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch..."

Sally: I haven't gotten anything for my brother for Christmas yet.

Linus: "...and lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them..."

Sally: Everything costs so much!

Linus: "...and the glory of the Lord..."

Sally: I don't want to spend a lot.

Linus: "...shone round about them, and they were sore afraid."

Sally: Actually, I don't really want to spend any money at all.

Linus: "And the angel said unto them..."

Sally: I wonder if I could get him something for free.

(Linus gives up and falls back onto the couch in frustration.)

Sally: Is that it? I always thought the Christmas story was longer than that.

Sally: ("The Twelve Days of Christmas" is playing on the radio, and Sally reaches over and turns the radio off) That song drives me crazy! What in the word is a "calling bird"?!

Linus: A "calling bird" is a kind of partridge. In 1 Samuel 26:20, it says, "For the King of Israel has come out to seek my life, just as though he were hunting the calling bird." There's a play on words here, you see. David was standing on a mountain calling, and he compared himself to a partridge being hunted. Isn't that fascinating?

Sally: If I get socks again for Christmas this year, I'll go even more crazy!!!

(Linus again gives up and falls back in frustration.)

Quoternity