Penn & Teller

Penn & Teller are a two-man magic and comedy team, Penn Fraser Jillette (born 5 March 1955) and Teller (born Raymond Joseph Teller, 14 February 1948). All the quotes from the duo come from Penn, except where noted, as Teller is famously silent.

Sourced

• The idea of mind-altering substances gives me the willies. Fill your tank with nitro, the car goes fast, sure, but not far.
  • Teller in Pete Moss interview (21 March 2001)

• This I believe: I believe there is no god.
  • Penn Jillette in "This I Believe", Morning Edition. NPR. WVGR, Grand Rapids. 21 November 2005 (NPR : There is no God)

• Teller: Will you shut up!
  Homer Simpson: Hey, I thought you didn't talk.
  Teller: [nervously] Uh, I didn't mean to... it just slipped out. Oh god, now Penn's gonna beat me...I'm not the first Teller.
  • The Simpsons, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

Unsourced

• Doing stuff like Van Praagh and Kreskin is like taking a shotgun and going into a mall, and discharging it in people's faces and stealing twenty bucks from each one of them.

• Teller talks. Just not to you.

• It's a goddamn potato! It's A POTATO!
  • Penn on Criss Angel Mindfreak, as the finale for the "Cups and Balls" illusion