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Phil Brooks

Phil Brooks better known by his ring name, CM Punk, is an American professional wrestler. His Straight edge gimmick reflects his lifestyle that he lives, taken to another level in the ring. As CM Punk says to his opponents, "Straight Edge means I'm drug-free, alcohol-free, and better than you!"
Catchphrases
  • "It's clobberin' time!"
    • Catchphrase taken from the comic book character The Thing.

  • "Straight edge means I'm drug free, alcohol free and better than you."
  • "You just got Punk'd!" (used in OVW)

" This is true, this is real, this is (fucking) straight edge ! "
Ring of Honor
  • "Before you cut me off, the reason I hate you, the reason in my heart of hearts why I hate you, is I didn’t know any better when I was a little kid. When my dad came home smelling like beer. I thought it was a hard day’s work he was doing. I didn’t realize he was out at a bar. I didn’t realize ‘work’ meant ‘unemployment office.’ I didn’t think it was strange for someone to come home and take an Old Style up into the shower. I didn’t think it was strange for somebody to pass out. I thought an Old Style, a pack a day, was the norm. Raven, my father is exactly like you. Since day one of Ring of Honor, where fighting spirit is supposed to be revered, things aren’t supposed to be this way! I’d shake your hand like a normal man, but the thing is, I don’t respect you! I hate you! I hate you for everything you’ve pissed away! Everything I’ve scrapped and clawed for that I haven’t even earned yet! That you got handed to you and you flushed down the toilet! For what? For pills? For booze? For alcohol? For women? I’m born of your poison society. So, on the seventeenth of July, I will become a monster to fight the monsters of the world! Your time in Ring of Honor will be done. That is a promise. This is true! This is real! This is straight edge!"
    • Ring of Honor: WrestleRave '03. June 28th, 2003.
    • Promo aimed at Raven after a tag team match with Colt Cabana against Raven and Christopher Daniels

  • "Isn't this the prettiest little thing you've ever seen? It was over a year ago I held this belt high in the air after I fought for it for the first time in Dayton, Ohio against Samoa Joe and I proclaimed this belt the most important thing to me. Right now, in my hands, as of this day 6/18/05, THIS becomes the most important belt in the world! This belt in the hands of any other man is just a belt, but in my hands it becomes power. Just like this microphone in the hands of any of the boys in the back is just a microphone, but in the hands of a dangerous man like myself it becomes a pipe-bomb. These words that I speak spoken but anybody else are just words strung loosely together to form sentences. What I say I mean, and what I mean I say, and they become anthems! You see, if I could be afforded the time here a little bit of a story. There was once an old man, walking home from work. He was walking in the snow, and he stumbled upon a snake frozen in the ice. He took that snake, and he brought it home, and he took care of it, and he thawed it out, and he nursed it back to health. And as soon as that snake was well enough, it bit the old man. And as the old man lay there dying he asked the snake, 'Why? I took care of you. I loved you. I saved your life.' And that snake looked that man right in the eye and said, 'You stupid old man. I'm a snake.' The greatest thing the devil ever did was make you people believe he didn't exist...and you're looking at him right now! I AM THE DEVIL HIMSELF! And all of you stupid, mindless people fell for it! You all believed in the same make-believe superhero that the legendary Ricky 'The Dragon' Steamboat saw some year ago today. No, you see, you don't know anything. You followed me hook-line and sinker, all of you did, and I'm not mad at you...I just feel sorry for you. This belongs to me! Everything you see here belongs to me, and I did what I had to do to get my hands on this. Now I am the GREATEST PRO WRESTLER walkin' the Earth today! This is my stage, this is my theater, you are my puppets! When I pulled those marionette strings, and I moved your emotions, and I played with them, and honestly it's 'cause I get off on it. I hate each and every single one of you with a thousand burns and I will not stop...I will not stop until I prove that I am better than you, that I am better than Low Ki, that I am better than AJ Styles! I'm better than Samoa Joe. Ladies and gentlemen, the champ is here! You don't have to love it, but you better learn to accept it. 'Cause I'm taking this with me, and there's not a single person in that locker room that can stop me!"
    • Ring of Honor, Death Before Dishonor III. June 18th, 2005.
    • This promo took place directly after Punk defeated Austin Aries for the ROH World Championship proceeding to turn the, at the time face, Punk heel. Directly after this promo Christopher Daniels made his first appearance in ROH in over a year to challenge for the belt. This promo also made reference to an old parable about an animal doing an act of violence to another creature that is venomous and being surprised when the animal injects the venom to the creature after the act of kindness who then proceeds to explain it is their nature to perform the act.

Independent Wrestling Association Mid-South
  • "I don't know if you guys know this but I'm sort of a big deal."
  • "I'm going to pull my car around, Joe's is going to throw him out the front door and I'm gonna run the son of a bitch over! If he kicks at two, I'll drive that car right into the ocean."
    • Independent Wrestling Association Mid-South. June 11th, 2005.
    • While on commentary during Samoa Joe vs Necro Butcher, dryly introducing himself to his ex-manager Dave Prazak and Eddie Kingston.

"You dumb bitch I'm not holding microphone."
when heckling an audience member.
Full Impact Pro
  • "You're a whore!"
    • Full Impact Pro ’Fallout: Night 2’ in Tampa, Florida. November 13, 2004
    • During his Falls Count Anywhere match against then FIP Champion Homicide, Homicide and Punk ended up fighting in a strip club, where Punk shouted the remark at one of the strippers.

WWE Raw
  • "Sometimes it's what you don't do that makes you who you are."
    • WWE Raw. August 11, 2008
    • During a promo with JBL where JBL wanted him to have a drinking contest.

Extreme Championship Wrestling
  • "Don't let these tattoos fool you. I'm straight edge. I'm a man of great discipline; I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs... my addiction is wrestling - my obsession is competition. Discipline. My name is C...M...Punk."
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. July 4th, 2006.
    • This was Punk's debut on ECW television.

  • "People like to come up to me and tell me that I've got nice ink. Except these tattoos aren't just decorations. They are declarations. Every tattoo I have tells its own story about who I am. Drug-free. Honor. And a war against the system. See I'm not some punk kid looking for the next thrill. I'm a highly disciplined athelete, craving to compete with the very best. My obsession is competiton and my addiction is wrestling. My name, is C...M... Punk."
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. July 11th, 2006.

  • "Mike Knox, I am also getting real sick of this! Your problem isn't me staying away from your girl... Your problem is your girl staying away from me!"
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. October 3, 2006
    • To Mike Knox when he told Punk to "stay the hell away from my girl" (his "girl" at the time being Kelly Kelly).

  • "Philadelphia... are you ready?"
    • Survivor Series. November 26th, 2006.
    • Performing the trademark quote of D-Generation X while teaming with them and The Hardy Boyz just prior to their match.

  • "I am officially a member of The New Breed!"
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. April 17th, 2007.
    • Announcing his official New Breed (heel) status. This would only last for a very short time.

  • "Hey Rob. I think you should challenge a real New Breed Leader. Me!"
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. April 17th, 2007.

  • "Thanks for your questions, Elijah Burke, but I like to keep my reasons for joining The New Breed to myself."
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. April 17th, 2007.

  • "You know, there's one other thing I don't do, Vince. I don't have dirty, unprotected sex with some money grubbing skank who eventually files a paternity suit against me, which gets me kicked out of my own house and leaves me nothing but a living, breathing national disgrace."
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. August 21, 2007.
    • To Vince McMahon when he said there was no way Punk could be his illegitimate son because of Punk being straight edge.

  • "Luck? Good luck? GM, the last time I checked, luck is for losers."
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. September 4, 2007.
    • To Armando Estrada when he wished CM Punk good luck in his "Last Chance" match with John Morrison.

  • "Balls...that is disturbing."
    • Extreme Championship Wrestling. October 23, 2007.
    • To Balls Mahoney after he described his "date" with Kelly Kelly by chuckling perversely, to which Balls replies, "Yeah, that's what she said too."

    • "I am nobody's stepping stone!" (Towards Chavo)
    • "Unlike you Edge, I show respect to my opponents!"

Friday Night SmackDown
  • "The only thing I took advantage of at Extreme Rules was an opportunity to cash in my Money in the Bank contract, which I did successfully, well within the rules. You know, Jeff knows this, you know this, the fans know this: nowhere on that contract does it say, under any circumstances, 'Do not cash in on Jeff Hardy.'"
    • Answering Josh Mathews' question addressing fan perception that he took advantage of a vulnerable Jeff Hardy and stole the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules. June 19, 2009.

  • "Just… say… no."
    • Towards Jeff Hardy. Used as a multiple meaning phrase referring to the fact that Hardy was contemplating hitting Punk, Hardy having yet to sign a new contract extension with WWE in real life, and Hardy's history of being unable to say no to drugs, also real life. July 3, 2009.

  • "Are you proud o' yourself, Jeff? I could've been seriously injured last week. And you got a lot of nerve faking an eye injury and leaving me to fend for myself, especially considering you're the one who injured my eye in the first place. As far as what you said earlier about me making the whole thing up, coming out here with your cute eyepatch mocking me: I wanna show you something, Jeff." (takes out a little plastic jar of some sort of liquid eye medicine)
    "This, is polymoxin bisulfate. I have to apply this to my eye three times a day. The only way you obtain this is with a prescription, from a doctor. Now, I know, you know a thing or two about prescription medication, but I don't think you realize is that you have to go to a doctor to legally obtain some. Unlike you, Jeff, this is the only foreign substance I will allow in my body. So if you wanna imitate me, why don't you try living a clean lifestyle? Why don't you try living, a straightedge lifestyle? "Jeff… you've got two strikes. You know how many I have? Zero. Jeff, you know how many times I've been suspended? Zero. You know how many times I've been to a rehab facility? That's right- zero. And do you know what your chances are of beating me at Night of Champions?" (long pause)
    "Zero."
    • Addressing Jeff Hardy before his match with the Great Khali, both to prove that his eye injury is real (in storyline) and to drive home a point about the drug-related mistakes of Jeff's past as recently as 16 months ago. July 10, 2009.

  • "I'm sorry, Jeff, I'm a little taken back right now. I mean, this is… this… this is what it comes to? People actually cheering because you haven't failed a drug test in a year? This is not an accomplishment! Maybe it's an accomplishment to you, Jeff, so congratulations. You haven't failed a drug test in three hundred and sixty-five days. You can start writing your Hall of Fame speech right now."
    • Beginning a lecture criticizing Jeff Hardy on being proud of the fact that he hasn't failed a drug test in over a year, despite the fact that he'd already failed two beforehand and would've been fired if he'd failed a third one. July 17, 2009.

  • I've come out here tonight to challenge you...challenge you, the WWE Universe, into seeing things my way and to learn how to just say "no." See, because the people who cheer for Jeff Hardy are just slaves to the vices associated with his (with quote fingers) "living in the moment." I feel bad for you, I really do. You walk around almost blind and you wear your prescriptions proudly on your sleeves like they were badges of honor. What was it the doctor told you? 'Just take one...every four hours,' right? Aside from myself, there's not a person in this arena who hasn't abused prescription medication or taken a recreational drug. And I know, trust me, it's hard being straight-edge, it's hard to live a straight-edge lifestyle. It's extremely difficult to be me, but what concerns me now is that none of you realize how much more difficult it is to live the life...that you all live. I'm positive nobody in here takes into account the long-term cosequences of alcohol on your liver. (Smattering of cheers from audience) See, and you cheer that. That's nothing to cheer. You drink because it's fun, right? (Audience cheers a little louder) Eventually, it's not gonna be fun anymore when it spirals out of control and its no longer...it's no longer fun. Sooner or later, you're just drinking to feel normal. And then there's the smokers. You know, I don't know what's more disgusting–is watching a smoker pollute his/her lungs with over 4,000 foreign chemicals, or having to listen to the smoker convince themselves that they can quit whenever they want to. It's...it's hard to quit, I know, it takes a very strong person to quit, but an even stronger person never would've started smoking in the first place. (Audience boos and chants "Hardy") I didn't want to come out here and be the bearer of bad news, but let's face facts: chances are pretty slim that any of you here will ever get the monkey off your back. You'll never be able to pry the cigarette from your lips, or find the self-control to pour your drink from your glass, or the self-respect to take the pill out of your mouth. See, it starts, and it can't happen without learning how to say "no" to temptation, and that's why I'm out here. I'm out here to challenge you before it's too late. Please, learn how to say "no" to temptation, learn how to say "no" to your vices, learn how to control yourself.
    • July 24, 2009

  • So all you people here, despite evidence to the contrary, still choose to support a man that for all intents and purposes can't even support himself? OK, OK, so if you're a Jeff Hardy fan, if you're wearing a Jeff Hardy t-shirt, if you're wearing one of his diabolical little handsleeves, God forbid if you have your face painted, I want to see you stand up right now. I want to hear you make some noise! Go ahead, if you love and support Jeff Hardy, let the world know! (Crowd cheers, stands up.) Cameraman, cameraman get a good shot, get a real good shot at all these people. The truth is ladies and gentlemen, I don't blame you. I don't blame anybody here for supporting Jeff Hardy. The people I blame, are their parents. Or let's be realistic here, I said parents, what I should have said was parent. Because it's obviously a single parent situation, just like the way Jeff Hardy grew up. See you people are so concerned with the relationship with your children failing, just like your marriage did, that you acquiesce to their every whim and their every desire. I hate to tell you, this doesn't make you a good parent, Philadelphia, it makes you an enabler. (Crowd boos. Starts chanting for Hardy.) And the fact that you even let your children look up to a guy like Jeff Hardy, just shows that you really don't care what happens to them to begin with. It's a sad situation. So I don't blame anybody here or sitting at home watching this, that supports Jeff Hardy if they're under 17, because they're young and they're, well, they're impressionable. The real problem lies with the parents, it's the parents who don't make a conscious effort to sit their children down and teach them the proper way to live! (Crowd boos.) You see it starts with a Jeff Hardy t-shirt, next thing you know they're smoking a pack of cigarettes, after that, they're drinking a bottle of beer. Right after that they move on to shots of Jack Daniels, which is a gateway drug for marijuana...(Crowd pops for marijuana.) And the fact that you people sit here and cheer that goes to show that I'm telling the truth! How about some old fashioned street drugs? And before you know it they're digging through Mom's purse because they're addicted, they're addicted to prescription medication. (Crowd cheers, Punk mouths,"That's not cool!" to fans.) All of this can be stopped before it's too late! Parents, all you have to do is talk to your children. Sit them down and show them the way, tell them the words that can save their lives, show them that sometimes it's what you don't do that makes you who you are! For weeks, for weeks I've been saying to people like you, just say no. But today I think we should just say yes. Yes to the future of a straight edge, drug free America! Just say yes to the winner of tonight's match, just say yes, to the World Heavyweight Champion! Thank you!
    • At Night of Champions 2009

  • I tried. I tried so hard to empathize with all of your weaknesses. I implored every single one of you to just say "no," and all my empathy got was for you to love Jeff Hardy that much more than you already did. But this will not deter me. I will stay the course; I still believe in teaching you people the difference between right and wrong. (Audience chants "Hardy!") Oh, obviously it's gonna be challenging, listening to you people, and by the looks of some of you, it's gonna be a big challenge. But just like any other challenge that's come down the pipe in my lifetime, I'm gonna meet that challenge head on like a man, just like I did last week. Let's take a look. (Recap of Punk's assault on Hardy) See, now I know why you people love Jeff Hardy so much. It's because you are all just like him; and, in turn, Jeff Hardy is just like all of you. The reality is, none of you have the strength to be straight-edge. (Audience resumes chant) You gravitate towards Jeff because it's the easy way out: it's easier to weak like Jeff, because you sure can't be strong like me. Oh, you can boo all you want. I know why you boo, you know why you boo. It's because I tell the truth. And the truth sometimes hurts, doesn't it? For instance, what does it say on your prescription bottle of pills? "Take one every four hours"? Well, don't tell me you people don't gobble four, six, eight at a time like they were Pez. That is drug abuse—I don't do that. I also don't smoke, and those who do are stupid. You gotta be stupid to not listen to the Surgeon General, especially when he prints the warning label on the package of smokes. You gotta be a fool. And we can talk about those funny cigarettes, and you obviously know what I'm talking about because you cheer, and that's utterly sad. That's pathetic. I...I can't even wrap my head around you people cheering, 'cause when you smoke those funny cigarettes, not only is that hazardous to your health, it's also illegal. So those who have taken a puff, not only are you poisoning yourself, you're also breaking the law, so the vast majority of everybody here in this arena is a criminal. I am not a criminal—I never have been, and I never will be. Now let's talk about alcohol. I've saved the best poison for last, see because this is a gateway drug. Don't tell me not a single one of you here has ever said, "I'm gonna go out for one drink," and one leads to two, and two drinks leads to three, and then it's a double of this, and a shot of that, and then your head winds up in the toilet, night in and night out. Congratulations, that is alcoholism. And in my book, if you even take one drink, you're an alcoholic. So I understand why you people love Jeff Hardy so much, I understand why Jeff loves you—it's because you're all weak. Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, you deserve better. This entire world deserves better. What you need is a leader. You need a strong leader who's gonna stand up in the face of adversity and just say "no." You need a strong leader that's gonna carry the banner of the World Heavyweight Championship with honor, with pride, respect, dignity, integrity, and class. What you people need is a straight-edge World Heavyweight Champion. You need CM Punk.
    • August 7, 2009

  • Punk: Hey, Jeff. Jeff, aren't you nervous sitting way up there so...high? Especially in the condition you're in, and by "condition", I mean that you're probably drunk right now, just like all these people here tonight. (Crowd boos) Yeah, that's something to be proud of, I mean, you'd have to be under the influence to stomach this "live in the moment" crap that you spew. What's living in the moment gotten you, Jeff? I know it got you a night in a hospital, and for what? The adulation of these people? One brief moment of attention? (Crowd chants "Hardy") You know, I don't know what's more pathetic—all these people hanging on your every word, waiting for the next pitiful example for you to set that they can lead, or you and your egotistical addiction to their cheers and support and adulation. Listen, listen to them, Jeff. They actually believe that you can beat me at SummerSlam. (Crowd cheers)
    Jeff: So do I.
    Punk: So does our general manager. Teddy Long's the guy that said TLC is your match. It's Jeff Hardy's match, everybody. They're right, it is your match. This TLC is your last match. I know what I have to accomplish to get everything I want. When I beat you at SummerSlam and I take back my World Heavyweight Title, it will validate everything I've said in the past. I will prove once and for all, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that straight edge is the right way, that straight edge means I'm better than you. Jeff, I have to get rid of you to teach these people the difference between right and wrong. I have to get rid of you to teach them how to say, "just say no." I have to get rid of you so they stop living in your moment, and they wake up, and they start living in my reality. Make no mistake about it, Jeff; there's no turning back from this point on. You can talk about the space from the top of that ladder to this mat, but from here on out, there's nothing left. At SummerSlam, I will hurt you, and I will remove you and the stain of all your bad examples from the WWE forever.
    Jeff: Punk, you can't destroy me, you can't destroy what I've created over my ten years here. Kansas City's not gonna listen to you. You won't beat me at SummerSlam, Punk. I will prove that I'm better than you in my specialty: Tables, Ladders, & Chairs.
    Punk: You're right, Jeff. You know what, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them, because you need them to enable you. You need them to justify your reckless behavior with their support and their cheers, just like they need you to somehow justify their reckless behavior, with their smoking and their drinking and their use of prescription medication. They try in vain to live vicariously through a man who, by way of his lifestyle, thinks he can fly.
    • Interrupting Jeff Hardy's promo from the top of a ladder. August 21, 2009.

  • I would love to talk to you about that, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. (Holds up a screenplay entitled "Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story") I had a friend in a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culiminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me her tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in this town. I'd go as far as to say that I'm the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to U.S. Weekly, US Weekly, or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the "hip, cool star", and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in Twilight, or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's cool, right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of "The Jeff Hardy Story". It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: new World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk.
    • At SummerSlam

  • And the sad part is that you actually believe in The Undertaker. You actually believe that he has all these magic powers which is really alll just smoke and mirrors.

  • I have no breaking point, and all you have to do is look in my eyes and realize I have laughed in the face of temptation time and time again. I have never tapped out to society's attempts at peer pressure. You try to stick a beer in my hand with the same commercials that have hypnotized all of you people, and that sell you all your narcotics and things you're addicted to. Well, I'm harder than any alcohol you can drink, I'm straighter than any line you can snort up your nose, and I certainly can hurt you a lot faster than any pill you put on your tongue.
    • September 4, 2009-After beating The Undertaker at Breaking Point to regain the World Heavyweight Championship.

  • Okay, I get it. You people destroy billions of brain cells on a daily basis with your excess consumption of alcoholic beverages, over-the-counter as well as prescription medication—the latter of which, chances are, aren't even yours—and a veritable laundry list of substances that you shove into your soft little bodies day after day. The reason I bring up your chemically-induced mind is because I think the lot of you have forgotten my accomplishments, so please allow me to jog your ailing memory: I am the only three-time straight-edge World Heavyweight Champion in WWE history, I am the only Superstar in WWE history to win back-to-back Money in the Bank Ladder Matches at WrestleMania, and don't forget I am the man that did you, the WWE Universe, a favor that you didn't even deserve when I got rid of the Charismatic Enabler Jeff Hardy from this company...forever. But that runs a close #2 to my crowning achievement of using my Anaconda Vice and, for the first time, making the Undertaker [makes the motion on his chest] tap out—I did that. Me. I did that, and I did it all without drugs, I did it all without alcohol, and above all else, I did it all without any help from any of you. So I want somebody, anybody in a position of power to come out here right now and treat me with the respect I have earned, not only as the face of SmackDown, but the poster boy of the entire company, and as the choice of a new generation, I deserve to know who my next opponent is now that I have defeated the all-powerful Undertaker. [Waits amidst the boos of the crowd] Oh, that's right. There isn't anybody left!
    • September 25, 2009

Personal

  • "There is no god, and the cage wasn't 30 feet."
    • Open letter to Teddy Hart posted on livejournal. November 12th, 2003.

  • "Anybody wants to call me the Triple H of Ring of Honor, I think that's hilarious. I would prefer to call Triple H the CM Punk of the WWE"


  • "Doubt fucks everything. Take a foundation, no matter how strong, sprinkle generously with doubt, and watch it crumble. Me? I'm unfuckwithable. Not this knee, not bad weather, and certainly not the many men that wish bad intentions on me can stop me. I rise up, not like a phoenix, but like the zombie corpse of Dick Murdoch. This brainbuster is for you."
    • http://www.cmpunk.com/

Ghost Hunters

  • "Have you guys ever ghost hunted in Hawaii? No? Well, I have this fat friend... I shouldn't say fat, that might offend him, but he's Samoan and claims to have seen ghosts."
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • In reference to Samoa Joe

  • "Maybe the ghosts have a glass ceiling? Break through that glass ceiling ghosts! I plan to."
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • In reference to moving up the World Wrestling Entertainment roster, despite a lack of a conventional wrestling physique.

  • "This going out on the Internet? I'm huge on the Internet! Wrestling nerds one and all are helping us out!"
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • In reference to his own popularity within the Internet Wrestling Community.

  • "Anybody wanna go shoot some pool?"
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • While in a billiards room to the supposed ghosts.

  • "Pete and Repeat are in a boat, Pete jumps out who's left in the boat?"
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • The children's joke Pete and Repeat.

  • "What's cool and goes click?" (Punk hangs up the phone)
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • Someone continuously prank called the telephone in the house and then not talking which lead to this comment.

  • "I came here to hunt ghosts and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of bubble gum."
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • Referencing a quote from the movie They Live.

  • "Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo. you see dead people?"
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006
    • Beginning line for when Punk answers the phone.

  • "I'd be doing some pretty evil shit."
    • Ghost Hunters. October 31, 2006.
    • Talking about if he were a ghost.

Unsourced


  • "Doubt fucks everything. Take a foundation, no matter how strong, sprinkle generously with doubt, and watch it crumble. Me? I'm unfuckwithable. Not this knee, not bad weather, and certainly not the many men that wish bad intentions on me can stop me. I rise up, not like a phoenix, but like the zombie corpse of Dick Murdoch. This brainbuster is for you."

  • "Ray Charles died today. There's talk of putting Ronald Reagans big head on ten dollar bills, but I'd much rather reach into my wallet and see a smiling Ray Charles looking back at me. What the hell did Reagan ever do besides fuel a cold war? Stupid republicans. Ray Charles kicked heroins ass, overcame poverty, and even though he was blind, became one of the best piano players in the world. The guy had soul. The fucker even knew when that little black kid was trying to steal a guitar from off his wall in blues brothers! Reagan never did shit like that. This proves my theory that Ray Charles was really Daredevil. Ben Affleck is a pussy. Where's the multi state c-span 24 hour weird mass viewing funeral for a talented musician? Ah fuck it, I've gone off on another tangent."

  • "So I'm sittin' in Nashville Tennessee, it's a Wednesday night - and I'm wrestling on pay per view. maybe you've heard of it, "NWA:TNA." Around Thursday at 5:59 at night I fly to Chicago. From Chicago I fly to Heathrow, from Heathrow I fly to Germany. This is the absolute WORST trip of my entire life... and I travel a LOT. See I've been all over the world. I've been to Puerto Rico, I've been to Japan, I've been to Mexico, I've wrestled in South Africa, I've wrestled in Asia. I've wrestled from the tip of Antarctica down to Antar- I've been everywhere. My plane comin' into Chicago is late. I gotta' hustle halfway across O'Hare Airport. I've got people *laughin'* at me, because a seventy-year-old man who's on the same flight as me made it to the flight to Heathrow first. So I get to Heathrow, and the lady at the BMI counter tells me to stand in line at the Luftstansa counter because that's who handles the German flights. Well I stood in line for FORTY-FIVE MINUTES and had to listen to all these little Irish pipsqueaks complain that something's wrong with *their* passports. And when I *FINALLY* get out there, I *FINALLY* get to the counter, my plane's leaving in nine minutes and they tell me I can't get on it. You know what I did? You know what I did because of who I am, CM Punk? Because I'm drug free and alcohol free? I *took* my bags, I even picked up a little old lady who needed the lift... and I RAN to my gate, and I GOT there in time, and they PUT me on that plane -- 'cause I am a LEGEND, I am a superstar. And I get to Germany. I get here and I have to put up with the SAME crap that I have to put up with in America. "Chris Hero." Chris Hero, you beat me ONE TIME, and I had a hundred and fourteen degree temperature and the GOUT. This is no laughing matter. Germany, you made a name for yourself... this is your home. This is the first time I'm here. And what's CM Punk known for doin? BEATING THE ODDS. Today, sixty-minute Iron Man Match... I'm gonna' pin you sixty seven times and it STILL won't matter. No matter how many times you pin me, if i let you, I am STILL better than you. Because *I AM* drug free, *I AM* alcohol free, and I'm straightedge. And I'm better than you."

  • "So here we are in merry old England. CM Punk, Straightedge Wrestling Superstar. And what's the national passtime here in England? Certainly isn't *wrestling*... You think every single person here in this crowd is here to see *wrestling*, but they're not. You see cause there's a bar, right over to my right right here. (To a fan wearing glasses) What are you hear for? Four eyes what are you here for? (Another fan shouts "to drink beer!") To drink beer, EXACTLY. You're here to drink beer. You're a LOSER, and your dad probably beat you when you were a kid... which was probably two weeks ago. (Now facing the camera) He's so drunk he can't even keep the poison in his mouth. You see I believe in three things: No drugs, no alcohol, and no promiscuous sex. See I'm a fine, upstanding individual... and if these fans came to see me, they came to see somebody who's better than them. Now England is known for soccer -- at least that's what we call it in America. You guys call it "football," but I'm here to *wrestle*. Tonight, I'm here to destroy Raven, and I'm here to destroy every single one of Raven's fans. Who's a Raven fan here? No damn sense! None of you have any damn sense! (Crowd starts to chant "al-co-hol! al-co-hol!") DRINK! Keep drinkin'! Keep drinkin I WANT you to die! You smoke too?! Keep smokin'! Drink up, England... I WANT your liver to fail. Smoke up England, I WANT you to die. And here, speaking of death, right here tonight in that very ring - GET A SHOT OF THE RING - tonight, just like I did in America I'm gonna' DOMINATE you, Raven. And your time in FWA will be "nevermore." And you can quote THAT, bitch."

  • "Thats a very appropriate color he's wearing. Green."
    • On Jay Lethal.

  • "That was the longest run-on sentence I've ever heard in my entire life. Did you even take a breath in between words there?"
    • To Chris Lovey

  • "Do you know what it's like going through life better than everybody? It's hard."

  • "Okay, okay! Honestly, you fucking DICK, get the fuck away from my car, or i´ll eat your dog!"

  • "He just hit himself in the dinger with a rubber"

  • "You can tell that hold is effective because his face is red and the rest of his body is the color of a bottle of 2% milk."

  • "So what? I'm out here doing commentary with malaria"

  • "All your heroes are dead! I killed them!"

  • Punk: So if he pins AJ does he win that belt?
Bower: No, it's not a title match.
Punk: What belt is that anyway?
Bower: NWA.
Punk: Never heard of it.

  • Ian: CM Punk's opponent will be...
Punk: No whammies, No whammies, No whammies, No whammies--
Ian: The American Dragon Bryan Danielson!
Punk: NO! THAT'S A FUCKIN' WHAMMY!

  • Prazak: Punk, are you staying around for the CZW show later?
Punk: FUCK NO!
 
Quoternity
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