Planes, Trains & Automobiles Quotations

Planes, Trains and Automobiles is a 1987 film in which two strangers, each desperately trying to get home for Thanksgiving, meet up and are forced to travel together in order to reach their destination.

Written and directed by John Hughes.

Del Griffith

We'd have a better chance of playing Pick-up Sticks with our buttcheeks than getting a plane outta here tonight.

I'm still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire.

You do more ball handling in an hour than Larry Bird does all night.

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Others

[On bus]

Stranger making out with girl: [To Neal] "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

Dialogue

[In bed in a hotel room, waking up & holding hands]

Neal: Del, why did you kiss my ear?

Del: Why are you holding my hand?

Neal: Where's your other hand?

Del: Between two pillows.

Neal: Those aren't pillows!

[At a taxi lane, outside the car-rental building]

Taxi driver: Where to?

Neal: Chicago.

Taxi driver: Chicago? You know you're in St Louis?

Neal: Yes I do.

Taxi driver: Why not catch a plane? You get there faster and you get a free meal.

Neal: If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.

[At cafe, when Neal accuses Del of stealing $700 from his wallet]

Del: [hands wallet to Neal] There's exactly $263 in there! If there's a dollar more, then you can call me a thief! Just count it!

Neal: [checks wallet, hands it back] Empty.

Del: WHAT! [checks wallet]

Neal: Dry

Del: We were robbed!

Neal: [in mocking, sarcastic tone] Do ya think so?

[At the car rental agency, after Neal finds the rental car he was assigned isn't in the spot]

Car Rental Agent: Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?

Neal Page: (coldly) Yes.

Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?

Neal: (quietly and slowly) You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks... ...Then you can give me a fucking automobile - a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick - four fucking wheels and a seat!

Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face... ...I want a fucking car, right fucking now...

Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?

Neal: I threw it away.

Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.

Neal: Oh boy what?

Car Rental Agent: (sneering) You're fucked.

Quoternity