Questionable Content
Questionable Content is a comedic slice-of-life webcomic written and drawn by Jeph Jacques.
Number 1-99
- Pintsize: Hook me up to the monitor. I'll download you some nice, cheerful porn.
- Number 1: Employment Sucks
- Marten: A lesser man, a man weaker than I, might interject with a lewd or suggestive comment at this juncture.
- Number 36: A Lesser Man Indeed
- Marten: The only way to deal with computer salespeople is with an overwhelming preemptive strike.
- Number 45: Pity, He Asked For It
- Pintsize: My first commandment is: "Thou shalt not beget electromagnetism in the presence of your Lord".
- Number 70: There Can Be Only One
- Faye: I have attained girlvana!
- Number 79: I Want Those Posters Dammit
Number 100-199
- Faye: A girl has to protect her assets. Also her breastets.
- Number 100: Bad Timing
- Faye: Actually, it is a credit to your character that you would ply me with drink not to try and get some action, but to hear me say funny words and southern slang.
- Number 130: Going For The Bronze
- Pintsize: He doesn't have to wake up, you know. I have a laser, and we have a garbage disposal.
- Number 148: Never Saw It Coming
- Amanda: That was the day I learned there's no way you can remove your head from another girl's crotch in a nonchalant manner.
- Number 165: Hi Mom!
- Faye: If a lady's junk is quiverin', her man must be deliverin'!
- Number 180: All A-Quiver
Number 200-299
- Steve: Now, is a Smarmadon a type of Smarmosaur, or is it the other way around?
- Number 202: Sexy Clones
- Marten: I feel sexy now. All makin' ladies' panties wet from 100 yards away - a Sex Jedi!
- Number 203: Like Hair On A Wookie
- Faye: Yes! Rampaging bears are the answer to all of our cultural missteps!
- Number 240: Ursa Ursa Ursa
- Ellen: I should just date a shower massage. They don't care about age.
- Number 243: Hit The Showers
- Pintsize: When talking about the human experience, it all comes around to poopin' eventually.
- Number 270: Cheap Humor
Number 300-399
- Pintsize: Curses! I am powerless against the might of duct tape!
- Number 310: Duck It
- Faye: When you became my friend you were automatically enrolled in the Menstrual Discussion Plan. For an additional $15.99 per month you can upgrade to the Digestive Issues Bulletin Package.
- Number 311: Sneaky Junk
- Ellen: You know, employing the Socratic Method in the bedroom could be pretty interesting.
- Number 317: Ask, Not Tell
- Faye: Your honesty is the knife twisting in the wound that is my conscience. Also, that was the most emo thing I have ever said. Please just shoot me now before I metaphor again.
- Number 340: Also the Most Emo Thing I Have Ever Written
- Pintsize: It was like being hit by a freight train carrying eighty tons of SEX!
- Number 387: Tungsten Of Tushes
Number 400-499
- Faye: I shop like Puritans have sex - in and out in three minutes, and only for the procreation of children.
- Number 424: Her Favorite Sound
- Marten: Funny, I thought you advocated the murder of your patrons.
- Number 443: Love Indiemarican Style
- Raven: Me? Sarcastic? Of course not, I'm far too ditzy to grasp the subtleties of mockery.
- Number 444: Quite Beyond Her
- Raven: You know, I never really got that phrase. All life isn't suffering. Sometimes there are parties and makeouts! And marijuana!
- Number 453: She's Seriously Kinda Crazy
- Faye: The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
- Number 478: I Get Knocked Down
Number 500-599
- Faye: Figures the first girl you bring home'd be a stalker.
- Number 533: I Am Seriously That Introverted
- Raven: "Frame of mind"? What does that have to do with dating? Be like Toucan Sam! Follow your nose! Or, uh, your junk. Be a horny Toucan Sam!
- Number 541: Captain Crunch EWWW
- Raven: I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an AWESOME rack.
- Number 542: Playing Her Like A Fiddle
- Dora: Cashmere is comfy, but it just can't compare with steaming human entrails.
- Number 563: Serial Killer Couture
- Raven: I like how Axe body spray smells, but it doesn't make me want to hump inanimate objects like in the commercials. Which is sort of disappointing.
- Number 583: Commercials Lie
Number 600-699
- Dora: Threesomes are a lot like Communism - they're a great idea on paper but in reality they rarely work well.
- Number 600: It's Assumed That He Is Joking
- Marten: I think I exude a pheromone that causes existential conflict in ladies. I'm like some sort of rare Uncertainty Moth.
- Number 608: Worrywarts
- Dora: They should give RealDolls the ability to press charges. Although I guess that'd remove one of their major selling points.
- Number 633: For The Man Who Has Everything?
- Pintsize: If a guitar is a phallic symbol and keyboards are female, does that mean keytars are hermaphrodites? Hot.
- Number 660: It's Been A Long Weekend
- Faye: Is there a full moon tonight or something? There must be a reason every boy I know is acting RETARDED.
- Number 683: A Lunar Explanation
Number 700-799
- Faye: Get used to it. Working at Coffee of Doom means subjecting yourself to a neverending parade of inventive nicknamery.
- Number 729: Biology Department
- Hannelore: My first words when I was a toddler were "thousand-yard stare".
- Number 730: Creeped Out Again
- Penelope: He was pretty handsome for a religious leader. But then, it'd be hard NOT to look good in one of those awesome pope-hats.
- Number 769: Then The Left One
- Marten: Actually, I was fired from the morgue for juggling heads. Specifically, for juggling heads badly and making a mess on the floor.
- Number 772: I Miss Sexy Losers
- Tai: I dunno, bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.
- Number 789: Animal House
Number 800-899
- Faye: You think everybody secretly does porn.
- Number 803: It Must Be On A Remote Server Or Something
- Dr. Corrine: "Just go out and bang some dude" is one of the phrases you will never hear a psychiatrist say. Other such phrases include "I think the heroin is doing you a lot of good," and "jesus, no WONDER your mother never loved you."
- Number 809: Devil's Advocate
- Faye: Screw the bar, let's get drunk and play with Hanners' suction cups!
- Number 829: Pintsize Taught Her
- Tai: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Especially if it's been soaked in cheap whiskey.
- Number 842: A Chip Off The Ol' Block
- Hannelore: Can I HANDLE it? I am a cleaning NINJA. I'll make that dirt my BITCH.
- Number 865: Knuckles
Number 900-999
- Faye: If I became physically attracted to things that irked me, the world would burst into flame from the friction of my furious humping.
- Number 900: Maybe At A Swingers' Party?
- Faye: Well that's just awful. I have just the thing to cheer you up, though - a 100% genuine unicorn hair, guaranteed to grant you eternal life. Only two thousand dollars!
- Number 945: I Heart Alan Moore
- Marten: In Canada they have socialized asskicking. It's called "hockey."
- Number 988: Wayne Gretzky, MD
Number 1000-1099
- Hannelore: Oh! It was a pun! I'm sorry. Daddy didn't allow puns when I was growing up.
- Numer 1007: Weird Flavor
- Faye: My chest is not the Make-A-Wish Foundation!
- Number 1012: Think Of The Children
- Steve: Holy shit. He's a serial killer. He has to be. NOBODY'S that perfect.
- Number 1027: Holy Exposition, Batman
- Marten: I wonder what cymbal testers do for fun. Hihat scrimshaw? Novelty gong-craft? Or do they just go home, take twenty Advils, and listen to the soothing sounds of felt?
- Number 1054: Not The Band, The Actual Fabric
- Sven: I see flashing lights, dudes in hard hats waving flags, and about three miles of caution tape. There's a big sign that says "DETOUR - ANY OTHER FEMALE IN EXISTENCE."
- Number 1076 Road Flares and Jersey Barriers
- Faye: Are you always this smug after you ravish a lady?
- Number 1082: Nobody Likes That Kind
Number 1100-1199
- Hannelore: Man, good thing human females don't have venomous ovipositors, huh?
- Number 1101: Better Left Unsaid
- Raven: I might not be the sharpest bulb in the box but I'm not THAT gullible.
- Number 1115: Mixed Metaphor
- Hannelore: Really? So you're NOT all highly-trained actors being paid off by my parents to offer me the illusion of a normal social life?
- Number 1144: Geppetto: The Later Years
- Hannelore: As far as pathogens go, friendship is pretty okay.
- Number 1145: Typhoid Marten
- Sven: "Roses are red,
- violets are blue,
- you're really hot,
- let's fuck."
- Number 1189: Lurid Verse
Number 1200-1299
- Pintsize: Human cusswords focus on mating, excretion and genitalia. Robot cusswords focus on mashing on homerow. ASDF is a four-letter word.
- Number 1200: Don't Even Mention Dvorak
- Tai: Th-that was probably just somebody's escaped tarantula. Right?
- Marten: Either way, next time I go down to the stacks I'm bringin' a flamethrower.
- Hannelore: You guys saw that too? Thank goodness. I thought I was hallucinating again.
- Number 1211: One Can Only Hope
- Sven: What am I supposed to say, "I'm sorry my friend is a creepy motherfucker, but will you please go out on a date with him anyway?"
- Number 1213: A Meeting Engagement
- Pintsize: What do humans typically do when they find themselves leaking an unknown substance from one of their orifices?
- Faye: They...go to the doctor?
- Pintsize: NO, they go post pictures of it on the internet.
- Number 1254: Does This Look Infected?
- Sven: A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long.
- Number 1274: Guy Fawkes Day Works Too
Number 1300-1399
- Tai: People in committed relationships emit a pheromone that makes them more attractive.
- Number 1322: Or Stop Showering
- Hannelore: Beethoven's Fifth reminds me of Canada. I don't know why. I've never been to Canada.
- Number 1336: Canasthesia
- Marten: There are other fish in the sea, and they're not all Asshole Cod.
- Number 1346: Jerks Cousteau
- Sven: I'd self-immolate but I wouldn't want to inconvenience the neighbors.
- Number 1347: The Honorable Course
Number 1400-1499
- Faye: My right boob sags a little more than my left. I call it the Underachiever.
- Number 1405: To Make A List
- Sven: My artistic integrity wears a gimp suit and lives in a box.
- Number 1424: He WoWs When Depressed
- Marten: Bartender, fetch us some frosty beers and fancy outfits!
- Number 1425: With Maximum Ridiculosity
- Faye: Aww, it's been FOREVER since I've had to punch you! What a delightful wave of nostalgia!
- Number 1462: The Good Old Days
- Faye: I demand a tumbler full of gin and a fainting couch!
- Number 1471: Gettin' Darcified