Rik Mayall

Hero of Alexandria
Rik Mayall (born 7 March 1958) is a British comedian and actor.

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• I don't consider myself a comedian…more of a phenomenon.

• (After being hit in the groin with a cricket bat): Ha-ha missed both my legs!

• My enormous penis, obviously.
  • on what he considers his greatest achievement.

• "I found a shiny silver penny on the floor of my house today".(Rik Mayall after his quadbike accident)

• "What does a man with a two foot cock have for breakfast. Well this morning I had a boiled egg"

• "I don't like to talk about myself because i don't want people to know who I am."

• "Whenever I'm nearta the theatre I ask myself this question "I don't know""

• "Whenever I'm nearta a friend in the theatre I ask him this question with my eyes *Rolls eyes* He sighs, and replies like all the other guys... "I don't know""

• "It takes more than a firetruck to stop Drop Dead Fred!"

• "Who's up for snot flicking?"

"If somethings not working properly, the best thing to do is tear it apart to make it better."

• In a debate with 'Vim Fuego' over weather cows are domesticated animals on the Bad News Album: "Oh, and how many cows have you seen sitting next to the fire, nestling over slippers Alan?? Not alot!"

"Oh go and fetch a paper from the newsagents Daisy!"

• "I say, what a smashing blouse"

• "Is my skid-mark showing?"

• "You thorough and total wank biscuit!"

• "Fire away duckie I'm all ears!"

"I have the one way ticket to oblivion and I'm going to raise hell getting there!"

"I may be packing the kind of tackle you'd expect to find swinging between the hind legs of a grand national winner, but I'm not completely stupid".