Sledge Hammer!

Sledge Hammer! was a satirical police sitcom produced by New World Television that ran for two seasons on ABC from 1986 to 1988.

Quotes

Sledge Hammer: Trust me, I know what I'm doing!

Sledge: Don't confuse me.

Sledge Hammer: Hey, get back here! Don't you wanna finish the job? You lazy Commie! (after chasing off a foreign spy/assassin)

Sledge Hammer: Doreau, that was excessively violent and completely unnecessary! I loved it.

Sledge Hammer: (After seeing the set-up for a welcome back party for Dori after her being in the hospital) This isn't a precinct; this is Pee-Wee's Playhouse!!

Dori: (after acquiring Sledge's personality through head trauma, after seeing the set-up for her welcome back party after being in the hospital) This isn't a precinct; this is Pee-Wee's Playhouse!

Sledge Hammer: (Talking to a class in a delinquent high school) ...But at least I know how to read!

Student: Yeah? What's your favorite book?

Sledge Hammer: War and Peace! The first half.

Sledge Hammer: "How sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful punk."

Sledge Hammer: "A cop is a one-man zoo with a gun."

Judge: Sledge Hammer, how do you plead?

Sledge Hammer: I never plead, I usually don't even ask.

Sledge Hammer: (At trial, when the judge threatens to hold him in contempt) If you held me, all there'd be was contempt.

Captain Trunk: (While watching Sledge try to defuse a bomb) Go bomb, go! Go bomb, go!

Sledge Hammer: Freeze, scumsucker!

Sledge Hammer: Yogurt eatin' creep...

Dori: (finding an important evidence) Look at this! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Sledge: I don't know, I'm thinking of invading Afghanistan by my self. What are you thinking?

Dori: (to Sledge) Didn't your wife ever wear sexy things for you?

Sledge: Well, I must admit one time she tried on my bulletproof vest. Now that turned me on like nobody's business.

Dori: Sledge, got great news for you.

Sledge: What, you can finally buy guns in vending machines?

Captain Trunk: (To terrorist jamming TV airwaves with demands) Your show's been canceled!

Sledge Hammer: You talkin' to me? (In the last episode of the first season, when there was considerable doubt about it being brought back)

Dori: (Indicating a spot on his jacket where he was shot) Doesn't that hurt?

Sledge: Anytime a really good sports jacket gets ruined, it hurts.

Francine: (Holding a gun on Sledge) Drop your weapon, I know you wouldn't shoot at a woman.

Sledge: (Shoots the gun out of her hand) Sorry, Francine, call me a feminist.

Dori: Thank God you followed me!

Sledge: Don't thank God. Thank gun. (In the aired version, "God" is replaced by "goodness")

Sledge: (After trading a supposed priceless diamond for a supposed vial of antidote to the poison giving him mere minutes to live) Ha! I just gave you an ordinary rock!

"The Spider Woman": (After Sledge takes the "antidote") And I just gave you more poison!

Sledge Hammer: Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time I drew my magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, some milk, and some of those little cocktail weenies.

News reporter: Inspector, was what you did in the store absolutely necessary?

Sledge Hammer: Oh yes, I have no groceries at all back home.

News Reporter: Sir! Sir! Do you think Sledge Hammer is guilty?

Man: Yes, I do.

Dori: Who was that man?

Sledge: My attorney.

Sledge: I don't know where my head is at...

Sledge: I've got to make a delivery. COD. DOA.

Sledge: They tried to play on my subconscious, but they forgot one important thing ...

Captain Trunk: What's that?

Sledge: I don't have a subconscious.

Major cast

• David Rasche — Sledge Hammer
• Anne-Marie Martin — Dori Doreau
• Harrison Page — Captain Trunk