Smokey and the Bandit Quotations

Smokey and the Bandit is a 1977 film about a former thrillseeking trucker's attempt to bootleg a truckload of beer to settle a bet, and a small town Texas sheriff's attempts to stop him on behalf of his jilted son.

Directed by Hal Needham. Written by Hal Needham, Robert L. Levy, James Lee Barrett, Charles Shyer and Alan Mandel.

What we have here is total disrespect for the law! taglines

Sheriff Buford T. Justice

[to his son] There's no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

Dialogue

Bandit: Now, you want me to drive to Texarkana, pick up 400 cases of Coors and come back in 28 hours. No problem.

Little Enos: It ain't never been done before, hot shit.

Bandit: You watch your language, little lady. The problem here, is that Coors beer, you take that east of Texas and that's uh, that's bootlegging.

Little Enos: You know I think you're just a little bit scared.

Bandit: That's real good psychology. Why don't you say something bad about my mother?

Little Enos: Yo' mamma is so ugly...

Junior: Except for that...

Sheriff Justice: [incredulously] Shut yo' ass...

[A funeral procession has succeeded in blocking Sheriff Justice's progress, allowing the Bandit to escape]

Junior: Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?

Sheriff Justice: If they'd have cremated the sumbitch, I'd be kickin' that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now!

Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.

Sheriff Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it!

Junior: Daddy, I think the..

Sheriff Justice: [cutting him off] Shut up, shut up! One shit at a time!

[a truck driver has sheered a door off of Sheriff Justice's patrol car]

Buford T. Justice: I saw that, you sumbitch! You did that on purpose! You're going away till you're gray! I got the evidence! [speaks to Junior] Put the evidence in the car.

Junior: But Daddy...

Buford T. Justice: Put the evidence in the car! [shouting to trucker again, who is long out of earshot] I'm gonna barbeque yo' ass in molasses!

Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer... named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.

Bandit: And?

Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower... with a girl... and her mother!

Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.

[Bandit and company encounter Sheriff Justice on their way from the fairgrounds]

Bandit: [through CB radio] Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.

Sheriff Justice: Who there?

Bandit: This is "Bandit" Darville talkin'.

Sheriff Justice: Where are you, you sumbitch?

Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog. I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.

Sheriff Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, [shouting angrily] where are you, you sumbitch?!

Bandit: Well, I'm right down at the bottom of the hill, Sheriff. I'm about six-foot-eight, in a cowboy outfit, got a little pygmy standing right beside me dressed just like me. You can't miss me. 10-4.

[Sheriff Justice looks down the hill; Bandit has a change of heart and decides to reveal his true identity]

Bandit: You know what? Scratch that, Sheriff, I can't do that to you; you're too good a man. Look over your left shoulder.

Sheriff Justice: [looking over his shoulder, wearing a look of shock] Oof!

Taglines

What we have here is total lack of respect for the law!

Time to take to the road, for a quiet little drive in the country...or not.

Cast

Burt Reynolds — Bo "the Bandit" Darville
Jackie Gleason — Sheriff Buford T. Justice
Jerry Reed — Cledus "Snowman" Snow
Sally Field — Carrie
Paul Williams — Little Enos Burdette
Pat McCormick — Big Enos Burdette
Mike Henry — Junior

Quoternity