Some Like It Hot Quotations

Some Like It Hot is a 1959 film about two musicians who, after accidentally witnessing the Saint Valentine's Day massacre, disguise themselves as women and flee south in an all-female band.

Directed by Billy Wilder. Written by Robert Thoeren and Michael Logan

The movie too HOT for words! taglines

Jerry/Daphne

Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!

We're up the creek and you want to hock the paddle!

Not tonight Josephine!

Dirty old man!

What do you think you are doing to that girl, putting on the millionaire act, and where DID you get that phoney accent from? (mocks Joe's Carey Grant impression) Nobody talks like that.

Joe/Josephine/Junior

[of Jerry] He has an empty stomach and it's gone to his head.

[to Sugar] The ship is in ship-shape shape.

Sugar Kane Kowalczyk

Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!

Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

Dialogue

Joe: I'm afraid it may take a little longer.

Sugar: It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you.

Beinstock: Upsadaisy.

Jerry: Fresh!

Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!

Joe: What happened?

Jerry: I'm engaged.

Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?

Jerry: I am!

Joe: WHAT?!

Jerry: Osgood proposed to me! We're planning a June wedding.

Joe: What ARE you talking about? You can't marry Osgood.

Jerry: Why, you think he's too old for me?

Joe: Jerry, you can't be serious.

Jerry: Why not? He keeps marrying girls all the time.

Joe: But, you're not a girl! You're a guy, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?

Jerry: For security! Look, I know there's a problem, Joe.

Joe: I'll say there is.

Jerry: His mother - we need her approval, but I'm not worried because I don't smoke.

Joe: Jerry. There's another problem, like what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?

Jerry: We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I'm kinda leaning toward Niagra Falls.

Joe: My God.

Jerry: I don't expect it to last Joe. I'll tell him when the time's right.

Joe: Like when?

Jerry: Like right after the ceremony. Then we get a quick annulment, he makes a nice little settlement on me and I keep getting those alimony checks every month.

Joe: Jerry listen to me there are laws, conventions. It's just not been done.

Jerry: Joe this may be my last chance to marry a millionaire.

Joe: Oh, Jerry — Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.

Jerry: I'm a boy.

Joe: That's the boy.

Jerry: I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?

Joe: What engagement present?

Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.

Joe: [examining it] Hey, these are real diamonds!

Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?

Jerry: [breaks down into tears] Oh, why did I ever let you talk me into this?

Joe: Why are you even speaking to me about it?

Jerry: I just don't have a good feeling about this.

Joe: Oh, come on! What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.

Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?

Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!

Jerry: [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?

Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.

Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

Bellhop: Are these your bags?

Joe: Yes and that one too.

Bellhop: OK Doll.

Joe: I suppose you want a tip.

Bellhop: Aw forget it Doll, after all you work here, I work here and believe you me it's nice to have you here at the organization.

Joe: Bye bye.

Bellhop: Listen Doll what time do you get off tonight?

Joe: Why?

Bellhop: Well I'm working the late shift tonight and I've got a bottle of gin stashed away and when there's a lull...

Joe: Don't you think you're a little YOUNG for that sort of thing SONNY!

Bellhop: Oh yeah? Wanna see my Drivers licence?

Joe: Get lost will ya?

Bellhop: That's the way I like 'em, big and sassy. Oh and get rid of your roommate.

Jerry: Now you've done it! Now you have done it!

Joe: Done what?

Jerry: You tore off one of my chests!

Sugar: Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?

Junior: I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.

Joe: We didn't see anything!

Jerry: We didn't hear anything either!

Junior: Look, if you're interested whether I'm married or not...

Sugar: Oh, I'm not interested at all.

Junior: Well, I'm not.

Sugar: That's very interesting!

Sugar: I think he's going to propose to me, as soon as he gets up the nerve.

Jerry: That's SOME nerve.

Joe: Daphne got a proposal tonight.

Sugar: Really?

Jerry: From a RICH millionaire.

Sig Poliakoff: You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!

Joe: What are you looking for — hunchbacks or something?

Sig Poliakoff: Oh, it's not the backs that worry me...

Jerry: Well, then, what is it then?

Joe: Yeah! What kind of a band is this, anyway?

Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five...

Jerry: Oh, we could pass for that!

Sig Poliakoff: ..you gotta be blonde...

Jerry: We could dye our hair!

Sig Poliakoff: ...and you gotta be girls.

Jerry: We could—!

Joe: No, we couldn't!

Bouncer: [examining a golf bag] What's in here?

Henchman: My golf clubs, putter, niblick, number three iron.

Bouncer: [pulling out a machine-gun] Oh? What's this, then?

Henchman: My mashie!

Sweet Sue: Idiot broads! Here we are, all packed, ready to leave for Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant! Beinstock, I ought to fire you!

Beinstock: Me? I'm the manager of the band, not the night watchman.

Osgood: [of his mother] Right now she thinks I'm out there on my yacht — deep sea fishing!

Daphne: Well, pull in your reel, Mr. Fielding, you're barking up the wrong fish!

Toothpick Charlie: Look, chief, I better blow 'cause if Columbo sees me, it's gonna be "Goodbye Charlie!"

Mulligan: Goodbye, Charlie.

Osgood: Which of these instruments do you play?

Jerry: Bull Fiddle.

Osgood: Fascinating. Do you use a bow or do you just pluck it?

Jerry: Actually, most of the time I SLAP it.

Osgood: You must be quite a girl.

Jerry: Wanna bet?

Mulligan: You better bring a check in case the joint is raided.

Waiter: Who's gonna raid a funeral?

Mulligan: Some people got no respect for the dead.

Mulligan: What happened here?

Little Bonaparte: [referring to Spats and his thugs] There was something in that cake that didn't agree with them.

Mulligan: My compliments to the chef. Nobody leaves this room until I get the recipe.

Little Bonaparte: You wanna make a federal case of it?

Mulligan: [grabs the speaker of Little Bonaparte's hearing aid] Yeah!

[first lines]

Mulligan: All right, Charlie; that the joint?

Toothpick Charlie: Yes, sir.

Mulligan: Who runs it?

Toothpick: I already told you.

Mulligan: Refresh my memory.

Toothpick: Spats Columbo.

Mulligan: That's very refreshing; what's the password?

Toothpick: "I've come to Grandma's funeral." Here's your admission card.

[he gives Mulligan a mourning armband]

Mulligan: Thanks, Charlie.

Toothpick: Now if you want a ringside table, just tell 'em that you're one of the pallbearers.

Mulligan: OK, Charlie.

Osgood: I'm Osgood Fielding the third.

Daphne: I'm Cinderella the second.

Osgood: Daphne.

Jerry: Hmmm?

Osgood: You're leading again.

Jerry: Sorry.

Spats Colombo: Hello, copper. What brings you to Miami?

Mulligan: Heard you "opera lovers" were having a convention, so I thought I'd better be around in case anybody decided to sing.

Osgood: I called Mama. She was so happy she cried! She wants you to have her wedding gown. It's white lace.

Daphne: Yeah, Osgood. I can't get married in your mother's dress. Ha ha. That-she and I, we are not built the same way.

Osgood: We can have it altered.

Daphne: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.

Osgood: Why not?

Daphne: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.

Osgood: Doesn't matter.

Daphne: I smoke! I smoke all the time!

Osgood: I don't care.

Daphne: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.

Osgood: I forgive you.

Daphne: [Tragically] I can never have children!

Osgood: We can adopt some.

Daphne/Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! [Whips off his wig, exasperated, and changes to a manly voice.] Uhhh, I'm a man!

Osgood: [Looks at him then turns back, unperturbed]: Well, nobody's perfect!

Note: the bolded line is ranked #48 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

Other

Osgood: [to elevator operator] All right, driver, once around the park, slowly, and keep your eyes on the road.

Osgood: [repeated line] Zowiee!

Osgood: Let's go there. Blindfold the orchestra and Tango till dawn.

Cast

Marilyn Monroe — Sugar Kane
Jack Lemmon — Jerry
Tony Curtis — Joe
George Raft — Spats Colombo
Joe E. Brown — Osgood Fielding III
Pat O'Brien — Det. Mulligan
Nehemiah Persoff — Little Bonaparte
Joan Shawlee — Sweet Sue
Billy Gray - Sig Poliakoff
George E. Stone — Toothpick Charlie

Quoternity