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South Park

South Park is an animated series created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central since 1997, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado.

Contents

Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5
(1.01) Cartman Gets an Anal Probe (2.01) Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus (3.01) Rainforest Schmainforest (4.01) The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000 (5.01) It Hits the Fan
(1.02) Weight Gain 4000 (2.02) Cartman's Mom Is Still a Dirty Slut (3.02) Spontaneous Combustion (4.02) Cartman's Silly Hate Crime (5.02) Cripple Fight
(1.03) Volcano (2.03) Chickenlover (3.03) The Succubus (4.03) Timmy 2000 (5.03) Super Best Friends
(1.04) Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (2.04) Ike's Wee Wee (3.04) Tweek vs. Craig (4.04) Quintuplets 2000 (5.04) Scott Tenorman Must Die
(1.05) An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig (2.05) Conjoined Fetus Lady (3.05) Jakovasaurs (4.05) Cartman Joins NAMBLA (5.05) Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow
(1.06) Death (2.06) The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka (3.06) Sexual Harassment Panda (4.06) Cherokee Hair Tampons (5.06) Cartmanland
(1.07) Pink Eye (2.07) City on the Edge of Forever (3.07) Cat Orgy (4.07) Chef Goes Nanners (5.07) Proper Condom Use
(1.08) Starvin' Marvin (2.08) Summer Sucks (3.08) Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub (4.08) Something You Can Do With Your Finger (5.08) Towlie
(1.09) Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (2.09) Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls (3.09) Jewbilee (4.09) Do the Handicapped Go to Hell? (5.09) Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants
(1.10) Damien (2.10) Chicken Pox (3.10) Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery (4.10) Probably (5.10) How to Eat with Your Butt
(1.11) Tom's Rhinoplasty (2.11) Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods (3.11) Chinpokomon (4.11) 4th Grade (5.11) The Entity
(1.12) Mecha-Streisand (2.12) Clubhouses (3.12) Hooked on Monkey Phonics (4.12) Trapper Keeper (5.12) Here Comes the Neighborhood
(1.13) Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut (2.13) Cow Days (3.13) Starvin' Marvin in Space (4.13) Helen Keller! The Musical (5.13) Kenny Dies
(2.14) Chef Aid (3.14) The Red Badge of Gayness (4.14) Pip (5.14) Butters' Very Own Episode
(2.15) Spookyfish (3.15) Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics (4.15) Fat Camp
(2.16) Merry Christmas Charlie Manson! (3.16) Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus (4.16) Wacky Molestation Adventure
(2.17) Gnomes (3.17) World Wide Recorder Concert (4.17) A Very Crappy Christmas
(2.18) Prehistoric Ice Man
Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9 Season 10
(6.01) Jared Has Aides (7.01) Cancelled (8.01) Good Times with Weapons (9.01) Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina (10.01) The Return of Chef
(6.02) Asspen (7.02) Krazy Kripples (8.02) Up the Down Steroid (9.02) Die Hippie, Die (10.02) Smug Alert!
(6.03) Freak Strike (7.03) Toliet Paper (8.03) The Passion of the Jew (9.03) Wing (10.03) Cartoon Wars Part I
(6.04) The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer (7.04) I'm a Little Bit Country (8.04) You Got F'd in the A (9.04) Best Friends Forever (10.04) Cartoon Wars Part II
(6.05) Fun with Veal (7.05) Fat Butt and Pancake Head (8.05) AWESOM-O (9.05) The Losing Edge (10.05) A Million Little Fibers
(6.06) Professor Chaos (7.06) Lil' Crime Stoppers (8.06) The Jeffersons (9.06) The Death of Eric Cartman (10.06) ManBearPig
(6.07) Simpsons Already Did It (7.07) Red Man's Greed (8.07) Goobacks (9.07) Erection Day (10.07) Tsst
(6.08) Red Hot Catholic Love (7.08) South Park Is Gay! (8.08) Douche and Turd (9.08) Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow (10.08) Make Love, Not Warcraft
(6.09) Free Hat (7.09) Christian Rock Hard (8.09) Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes (9.09) Marjorine (10.09) Mystery of the Urinal Deuce
(6.10) Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society (7.10) Grey Dawn (8.10) Pre-School (9.10) Follow that Egg! (10.10) Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy
(6.11) Child Abduction Is Not Funny (7.11) Casa Bonita (8.11) Quest for Ratings (9.11) Ginger Kids (10.11) Hell on Earth 2006
(6.12) A Ladder to Heaven (7.12) All About the Mormons? (8.12) Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset (9.12) Trapped in the Closet (10.12) Go God Go
(6.13) The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers (7.13) Butt Out (8.13) Cartman's Incredible Gift (9.13) Free Willzyx (10.13) Go God Go XII
(6.14) The Death Camp of Tolerance (7.14) Raisins (8.14) Woodland Critter Christmas (9.14) Bloody Mary (10.14) Stanley's Cup
(6.15) The Biggest Douche in the Universe (7.15) It's Christmas in Canada
(6.16) My Future Self n' Me
(6.17) Red Sleigh Down
Season 11 Season 12 Season 13 Specials
(11.01) With Apologies to Jesse Jackson (12.01) Tonsil Trouble (13.01) The Ring
(11.02) Cartman Sucks (12.02) Britney's New Look (13.02) The Coon
(11.03) Lice Capades (12.03) Major Boobage (13.03) Margaritaville Movies
(11.04) The Snuke (12.04) Canada on Strike (13.04) Eat, Pray, Queef South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
(11.05) Fantastic Easter Special (12.05) Eek, A Penis! (13.05) Fishsticks Early Shorts
(11.06) D-Yikes! (12.06) Over Logging (13.06) Pinewood Derby The Spirit of Christmas (Jesus vs. Frosty)
(11.07) Night of the Living Homeless (12.07) Super Fun Time (13.07) Fatbeard The Spirit of Christmas (Jesus vs. Santa)
(11.08) Le Petit Tourette (12.08) The China Probrem (13.08) Dead Celebrities
(11.09) More Crap (12.09) Breast Cancer Show Ever
(11.10) Imaginationland (12.10) Pandemic
(11.11) Imaginationland Episode II (12.11) Pandemic 2: The Startling
(11.12) Imaginationland Episode III (12.12) About Last Night...
(11.13) Guitar Queer-o (12.13) Elementary School Musical
(11.14) The List (12.14) The Ungroundable

The Spirit of Christmas (Jesus vs. Frosty)

Stan?: Dude!
Kyle?: What?
Stan?: Don't put the magic hat on the snowman.
Kyle?: Why?
Stan?: 'Cause if you do, he's gonna come to life.
Kyle?: Cool!
Stan?: No, it's not cool! My sister, in-in Minnesota, put a hat on a snowman and it tried to kill her!
Kyle?: F*** him, let's do it anyway!


Kyle?: Oh my God! Frosty killed Kenny!
Stan?: Dude, I told you not to put that f***ing hat on Frosty's f***ing head, now, didn't I!
Kyle?: Well I'm sorry, Mr. Rocket-f***ing-scientist! What are we supposed to do now?!


Kyle?: (After running from Frosty) Uh, you know something, I don't think that was the real Santa Claus.
Stan?: Oh, no s***, Sherlock! Now what are we gonna do?

The Spirit of Christmas (Jesus vs. Santa)

Kyle: Don't you oppress me, fat boy!
Cartman: Don't call me fat, butt fucker!
Kyle: Then don't belittle my people, you fucking fat-ass!
Cartman: Goddammit, don't call me fat, you butt-f**ing son of a B*tch!!


Jesus: Behold my glory.
Stan: Holy s***, it's Jesus!
Cartman: What are you doing in South Park, Jesus?
Jesus: I come seeking retribution.
Stan: [gasps] He's come to kill you 'cause you're Jewish, Kyle!
Kyle: Oh, f***! I'm sorry, Jesus! Don't kill me!
Jesus: Nay, fear not. I love all my children.
Kyle: Whew.
Jesus: Tomorrow is my birthday, yet all is not right.
Stan: Your birthday is on Christmas? That sucks, dude!
Jesus: I must find a place called the mall.
Kyle: Well, we can take you to the mall, Jesus.
Stan: Yeah! It's over this way!
Cartman: Goddammit, you stepped on my foot, you pig-f***er!
Stan: Dude! Don't say pig-f***er in front of Jesus!
Cartman: Ah, f*** you!



Stan: Here we are Jesus, South Park mall. Who are you looking for?
Jesus: HIM!!
Santa: Ho ho ho ho! We meet again Jesus!
Jesus: You have blemished the meaning of Christmas for the last time Kringle!
Santa: I bring happiness to Children all over the world!
Jesus: Christmas is for celebrating my birth!
Santa: Christmas is for giving!
Jesus: I'm here to put an end to your blasphemy!
Santa: This time we finish it! There can be only one!
Stan: Dude this is pretty f***ed up over here.


Jesus: Boys, help me put an end to him once and for all.
Santa: No, boys, help me. So that I can put an end to him.
Jesus: God is watching you boys. You know who to help.
Santa: Stan, remember the choo-choo when you were three?
Jesus: I died for your sins, boys. Don't forget that.
Stan: I don't know what to do, dude! Who should we help?
Cartman: I say we help Santa Claus.
Kyle: Aw, you're just saying that because he brings you candy.
Cartman: Hey! I don't need to take that kinda crap from a Jew!
Kyle: You're such a fat fuck, Cartman, that when you walk down the street, people go "Dammit, that kid's a big fat fuck!"

Cartman: OH, NO?! Well, listen here!
Kyle: SHUT UP!

Kyle:We actually met, we actually spoke with, the Brian Boitano!


Stan: Yeah, and you know, I think learned something today. It doesn't matter if you're Christian or Jewish or Atheist or Hindu. Christmas, still, is about one very important thing--
Cartman: Yeah, ham.
Stan: No, not ham, you fat fuck!
Cartman: Fuck you!
Stan: Christmas is about something much more important.
Kyle: What?
Stan: Presents.
Kyle: Ah.
Stan: Don't you see, Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Presents.
Kyle: Hey man, if you're Jewish, you get presents for eight days!
Stan: Wow, really?! Count me in!
Cartman: Yeah, I'll be a Jew too!

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Cartman: (To Kyle) You know all those times I called you a stupid jew? I didnt mean it. You're not a jew.

Eric Cartman

  • "Well I'm gonna kick you in the nuts"

  • "God dammit, your family's poor, Kenny! I don't like Kenny any more you guys, he just doesn't communicate."(pinkeye, Cartman is trying to upset zombie Kenny)

  • "Hippieeees.... Hippieees all around me, they say they wanna save the world but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad." ("Cherokee hair tampons" when talking in his sleep, having nightmares)

  • "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the only way to fight hate....is with more hate!!!" ("Ginger Kids", ep.9-11)

  • "Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you're a hippie and hippies suck." ("Ike's Wee Wee", ep. 2-5)

  • "Yeah, whatever, you can suck my balls." (Appears in many episodes; in different forms)

  • "SVINKTOR!"

  • "You will respect my Authori-tah!"
    • When Cartman worked as a Cop ("ChickenLover", ep.2-4)
    • When Cartman was Deputized by the Department of the Interior ("Jakovasaurs", ep.3-5)
    • When Cartman was re-enacting General Lee ("The Red Badge of Gayness", ep.3-14)

  • Screw you guys, I'm going home!
  • I'm not following this hippie around any more.
  • "But maaaaaaayyyyyyym!"

  • " Now it may appear in the picture that I’m actually looking at the camera lens and smiling,with the penis in my mouth, and giving a thumbs up, but I assure you I was fast asleep. " ("Cartman Sucks")

  • "Son of a bitch ! What the fuck do you think you`re doing Butters !! Go do what you were sent to do dickface !! "

  • Damnn Kennnn .. "

  • Whateva! I do what I want! " ("Freak Strike", "My Future Self n' Me")

  • BEEFCAKKEEE ! (Weight Gain 4000)

  • (Discovering he can create electricity by swearing) FUCK, SHIT, COCK, ASS, TITTIES, BONER, BITCH, MUFF, PUSSY, COCK, BUTTHOLE, BARBRA STREISAND!!! (Shoots lightning bolts from his hands) (South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut)

  • I'm not fat, I'm big boned. (Cartman Gets an Anal Probe)

  • Just to go to the dumb moon? (Free Willzyx)

  • Ow! That hurts you butt licker. (Cartman Gets an Anal Probe)

  • FAGGOT! (Le Petit Tourette)

  • [Walkie-talkie names by Cartman] Blacky; Fagot (Imaginationland)

  • Dude, you don't shoot a guy in the DICK! (The China Probrem)

Kyle Broflovski

  • Priest: I haven't seen you in church lately.
    • Kyle: Well, I'm Jewish.
    • Priest: You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?
    • Kyle: I guess not.(Spontaneous Combustion)

  • "I think the rabbit just crapped on my jacket .."(Fantastic Easter Special)

  • "Cartman that is the stupidest thing you've ever said, this week!"

  • Cartman: "But why would Scott Tenorman sell me his pubes for $10?"
  • Kyle: "Because, retard, you're dumb enough to buy Scott Tenorman's pubes for $10!" (Scott Tenorman Must Die)

  • "Jesus Christ!"

  • Stan: "...But they're gonna say shit, and you're gonna miss it!"
    • Kyle: "I don't really give a fuck!"
    • Stan: "Oh."

  • "Goddamn it. Just...goddamn it."

  • "Screw you, Fatass!"

  • Cartman: "Kyle, you are so full of meecrob!"
    • Kyle: "I am not full of meecrah-wha?"

  • "You Bastards!"

Chef

  • "Come on, children. Let's go find ourselves a nice white woman to make love to." (It Hits The Fan)

  • "I wanna make love to you woman, I wanna lay you down by the fire!"

  • "There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college. Do you understand?" (Ike's Wee Wee)

  • Chef: "Why hello there, children"
    • The boys: "Hey Chef!"
    • Chef: "How's it goin'?"
    • The boys: "Bad."
    • Chef: "Why bad?"

Herbert Garrison

  • "You go to hell! You go to hell and you DIE!!" (Cartman Gets An Anal Probe, Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut, Chef aid and Summer Sucks)
  • "Hey, there, shitty shitty fag, shitty shitty fag, how do you do ?" (It Hits The Fan)

  • "No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people."

  • "Now that's a whore!" (Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset)

  • "I'm not gay; I'm a woman." (Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina)

  • "That was not me, it was Mister Hat." (Cherokee Hair Tampons)

  • "Life isn't fair kiddo, get used to it!" (Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride)

  • "Awww scissor me timbers" (D-Yikes)

  • "Myyyyy baaaallls!" (Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina)

  • "Bzzt! Wrong! Try again, dumbass! [laughs]" (to Officer Barbready) (Chicken lover)

  • "Bzzt! Turd! Did you heard that Mister Hat? I sure did Mister Garrison!" (Chicken lover)

  • "You fag!"

  • "Get an AIDS test Thompson, cus' your wife's a dude, faggot!" (Eek! A penis!)

Stan Marsh

  • "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"
  • "Dad! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!" ("Trapped in the Closet")

  • Kyle: Stan? Do you really think my hat is stupid?
    • Stan: As a matter of fact, I believe it is the nicest hat I have ever known. (Follow That Egg)

  • "Butters was missing?" (Butters' Very Own Episode)

  • Stan: "This is some pretty fucked up shit right here!"

  • "Cartman, what the hell are you doing with aborted fetuses?!" ("Kenny Dies")

Kenny McCormick

  • Kenny: "Mrph, Mrph, Mrph, Mrph."
  • Kenny: "Yes, you can."
  • Kenny: "Fuck you"
  • Kenny: "Shit"


  • Unmuffled lines:

  • Kenny: Goodbye, you guys.

  • Kenny: NOO! NO, NOT THE SOCKS!

  • Kenny: You guys owe me big time for this.
    • Stan: Hey, at least you're finally doing something.

  • Kenny: Wait-wait-wait, I'm not Blanket! Aggh! AHH, STOP!

Cast

  • Trey Parker - Stan Marsh/Eric Cartman/Satan/Mr. Herbert Garrison/Phillip Niles Argyle/Randy Marsh/Tom (news reporter)/Midget in a bikini/Ticket taker/Canadian Ambassador/Bombardiers/Mr. Mackey/Army general/Ned Gerblanski/Additional voices (voice)
  • Matt Stone - Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick/Jesus/Saddam Hussein/Terrance Henry Stoot/Jimbo Kearn/Gerald Broflovski/Bill Gates/Additional voices (voice)
  • Eliza Schneider - Liane Cartman/Sheila Broflovski/Sharon Marsh/Wendy Testeberger/Clitoris/Additional voices (voice)
 
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