Still Game

Still Game is a television sitcom created by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill, about the antics of old-age pensioners living in Glasgow, Scotland. The show is known for its foul language.

Cauld

Victor: Consider this: Yir warm noo, but how's it gonnae be in a wee stoany jail cell, with nothing to heat ye up, but a hot boabie - RIGHT up yir arse!

Courtin'

Bobby: Oh, here they come. Abbott and Costello. You're putting the beef on, Jack.

Jack: Aye, that's right. Everytime I shag your missus, she makes me a sandwich.

Scones

Jack: (Making phrases to win a scone competition) Where's my scone? Where's my scone? Ah there it is, next to the phone

----

Victor: A scone and tea at half past three, makes the day a little brighter. So you can keep your cakes and fancy tarts....

Jack and Victor: ...and stick them up your shiter.

Doacters

Jack: Good morning, Doctor

Victor: (Speaks to pretend intercomm) Hold all calls, Linda

Jack: Linda?

Victor: I had to let Agnus go, she was an arsehole

Jack: Oh shame, I liked that woman, she was almost ready for retirement

Victor: Too bad, I call the shots. Now what is wrong with you?

Jack: I'm depressed... I cannot be arsed with anyone or anything

Victor: Well, it sounds like your depressed, but I am afraid I cannae help ye

Jack: How?

Victor: 'cause I just geed the rest o' ma tablets to a lovely big fella called Victor McDade

Tappin'

Bobby: Hey! Look! It's Lambert and Butler!

Jack: Shut it Boabby. You're the only fag in here

Swottin'

Victor: Jack and me are going back to school.

Boabby: Its Jack and I.

Jack: No, its me and Victor.

Cairds

Pete the Jakey: Ladies and gentleman, Shug and two Polis.

Winston: BASTARDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kill Wullie

Jack: When life hands you melons, make melonade.

Victor: Lemons, Jack.

Dial-a-Bus

Boabby: One more thing.. don't take ANY pish off them. I never do.

Eric: Hullo Boabby. You look a prize wanker.

----

Winston: (posing as owner of The Clansman) I'll also be getting rid of ma stack o' hardcore porny books. I've read them all noo anyway, and I'm getting too auld for the chuggin'

----

Bobby: Ho-ho, it's the two Ronnies.

Victor: The two Ronnies is it, aye? Well then, it's shut-up-ya-prick fae me...

Jack: ...and its shut-up-ya-prick frae him!

Lights Out

Navid: ( To Isa ) You look like Braveheart! "They can take our lives, but they'll never take our handbags!"

Hyper

Jack: (Navid talking about losing business to a rival shop) You've still got us

Navid: Aye, but let's face it. Your old. Decreped. You'll be deed within six months. Now, what can I get ye.

Jack: Two coffins, ya cheeky bastard!

2006 Hogmanny

Ned: Feechees.

Jack: Feechees to you too. Are you helpin us or whit?

Ned: Naw. A tenner fae each o yeez.

----

Jack: What aboot John Wayne?

Victor: John Wayne's an arsehole Jack.

Jack: Eh?

Victor: Aye he was an arsehole in the Sands of Iowa Jima tae.