Super Troopers Quotations

Super Troopers is a 2002 comedy film about bored highway patrol officers in a remote part of Vermont.

Written and directed by Broken Lizard.

Altered State Police taglines

Mac

YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-E-CO?!?! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Cross-eyed and with slight lisp) Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you? Is that why you treat us with such disrespect?
GOOD ENOUGH TO FUCK YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!
You're gonna feel a little pinch
One... Two... Three... Do It!
Evil Shenanigans (in high squeaky voice with hand motions)
Don't forget to cup the balls.
And that was the second time I got crabs.

Farva

I guess that's it for the old locker. She stinks like ass but I'll still miss her. I guess you could say that about all my girls.
How's it going Denim Dan? You look like the president, chairman, and CEO of Levi Straus. Hey where'd you get the Canadian tuxedo?
License and registration ... CHICKEN FUCKER! BIQAKKKK!
Stop calling me radio, unit 91!
Who wants cream? Anybody? Ok, no cream
WAIT, that one is Rabbit's. (Rabbit replies: Oh look, a bar of soap.) oh shit, I got you good you fucker!
I'm all highway!
No, its powdered sugar................Its delicious!
I'm not even going to dignify myself with a response to that.
Does that look like spit to you? Ah, fuck it!
Can I get a litre o' cola?
Liter is French for give me some fuckin' cola or I'll break vous fuckin' lips!!!!
I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn liter o' cola!
[when he pulls the sweepstakes ticket off of his cup and finds a hole] Dammit, you burger punk! You son of a bitch!
I just lost a buck...to myself!
What the crap, how come nobody called me?
Capt, you know I'm not a pro-union guy.
THAT'S MY CAR! THAT'S MY GIRL!
Hey there Charlie's Angel.
Hey there, dirty dogs! Did I miss the song? Sing it again, rookie biotch!!
Open bar dude!
I gotta bust criminals! It's what I gotta do!

Foster

What size cells are these? Eight by eight? Ours are nine by nine... no big deal.
You killed my dummy.
It might have been my sixth, or even my seventh sense.
Because you crapped on my heart!
oh,Biker... I'm an idiot. [when Foster realizes that he misunderstood Ursula's disguise suggestion]

Rabbit

You are freakin' out....man.
I . . . guess I'll go take a shower then . . .
See if they got any of those chocolate bananas...Foster?
[After Thorny says, "You smell somethin', Rabbit?"] *Sniffs* Fear.
What, are you gonna light my ass on fire?
[After Thorny says, "Why don't you hop up on Uncle Rabbit's lap?"] I don't think that's such a good idea

Thorny

(slow voice) Mother of God.
Who wants a moustache ride?
I am all that is MAN!
OH, this little guy? I wouldn't worry about this little guy.
It stinks like sex in here
Where you boys heading.....Canada Eh....Almost made it
What? They can't lump us in with that fuckin' Martian.

Captain O'Hagen

I swear to God, I'll pistol whip the next guy who says "shenanigans"!
Sorry about that, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy.
I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.
That's it, you're off the road, never again. [Sir, it was not my fault!] And neither was the God-damn school bus! There was a time when we'd take a guy like you out back and beat you with a hose. Now you've got your God-damned unions.
Drunk enough to kick your ass!
[About Farva, realizing he has betrayed O'Hagen and the others] We shoulda took him out back and shot him a long time ago.
Of *course* they started the fight! Now they've taken a jurisdictional grievance against us! I mean a murder on the highway! And you give them the investigation! Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies!
I invented this gag, Rabbit! Only in my day, the rookie got naked! [Fires the pistol he is holding at a State Police cruiser, shattering a window] And we also used blanks...You're a sick motherfucker, Mack.

Dialogue

Rabbit: Oh look, a bar of soap.

Farva: Oh ho ho, Shit I got you good you fucker!

Mac:(with mocking voice and fake lisp) Awesome prank Farva.

Foster: Aw, Mac, you fucker!

Mac: Gree-tings. (Laughs) You guys are too slow.

Foster: You killed my dummy.

Thorny: Mac, now I'm going to pay you. But I shouldn't, 'cause I knew it was you the whole time.

Mac: Aw, Thorny, don't lie in front of the rookie. It sets a bad example.

Thorny: Foster, where are your shoes?

Foster: What, are you the shoe police now?

Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar. Lets go.

Foster: Your black magic only works on the rookie.

Thorny: That's brown magic.

O'Hagen: I just got off the phone with Tom McCardle From the budget committee. This thing with Farva screwed our pooch.

Thorny: What? They can't lump us in with that fuckin' Martian.

O'Hagen: We're all in the same boat, fellas.

Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun.

Thorny: Yeah, his shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

Foster: Which wouldn't make them shenanigans, at all, really.

Mac: (Irish voice) Evil shenanigans!

O'Hagen: I swear to God, I'll pistol whip the next guy that says 'shenanigans!'

Mac: Hey Farva, what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

Farva: You mean Shenanigans's?

Mac, Foster and Thorny: Oh, no! (Laughing) (Mac hands O'Hagen his gun.)

Farva: You're talking about Shenanigans's, right?

O'Hagen: Put those away!

Police Chief Grady: I'm sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.

Farva: It's powdered sugar.

Police Chief Grady: The lice ... hate the sugar. So anyway ...

Farva: [Interrupting] It's delicious.

Police Chief Grady: Good, good...

Mac: Come in Radio.

Farva: Don't call me Radio, Unit 91.

Mac: Don't call me Unit 91, Radio.

Farva: ...Are we done?

Mac: Yeah okay Radio. We got a suspicious vehicle, White Caprice, Vermont Plates, Tijuana, Gringo, Oner, Fiver, Zero

Farva: Roger, checking...Unit 91 that license plate belongs to a local Spurburry police vehicle.

Mac: It does?! OH MY GOD!!!

Farva: ...Very funny 91.

Thorny: Son do you know why I pulled you over?

Driver: Uhhh...

Thorny: Littering and... Littering and... Littering and... [the rest of the car joins in, cauisng the kid in the back to freak out from the echoes] smoking the reefer. [holds up bag of marijuana]

Driver: Oh, officer, that's not ours.

Kid in back: [deep groan] Candy bars.

Thorny: Now to teach you boys a lesson, me and officer Rabbit are going to stand here while you boys smoke the whole bag.

Kid in Back: Please, no.

Rabbit: Please, yes.

German Man: I'm sorry officer for the speeding violation, I'm so used to driving on the autobahn.

German Woman: Ich finde er sieht wie Shaun Cassidy aus. [I think he looks like Shaun Cassidy.]

German Man: Ja, das finde ich auch, yummi yummi. [I think so too, yummi yummi.]

Rabbit: Do you know why I pulled you over?

German Man: Because we were going way too fast.

Rabbit: Ja.

German Man: Ja. Well the thing is I cannot afford to have another ticket on mein Porsche. Is there something I could do for you, or perhaps something my wife could do? Perhaps there is something you would like to do to her?

German Woman: Is there maybe something you would like me to do to you? Or maybe something you would like to do to me? Hmm?

German Woman: Maybe some hard spanking und cuffing is in order.

Passenger: You didn't eat both those bags did you!

Kid in back: [mouth full of shrooms] Call Guinness!

Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.

Dimpus Burger Guy: [into microphone] Double baco cheeseburger. It's for a cop.

Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?

Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good. [into microphone] Don't spit in that cop's burger.

Farva:' Yeah, thanks.

Second Dimpus Guy: Roger, holding the spit.

Dimpus Burger Guy: Uhh, right. Beverage?

Farva: Gimme a liter o' cola

Dimpus Burger Guy: (into the mic) Liter Cola? Do we sell Liter Cola?

Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva.

Farva: I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn liter o' cola!

Dimpus Burger Guy: (to Farva) I don't know what that is!

Farva: (enraged and grabbing the Dimpus Burger Guy) Liter is french for give me my fuckin' cola before I break vous fuckin' lip!

Foster: Cat Game? What's the record?

Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.

Foster: Ten? Starting right 'meow?'

[Mac laughs - they walk up to the car, and Foster taps on the driver side]

Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...

Foster: All right meow. Hand over your license and registration.

[the man hands him his license]

Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow.

[Mac ticks off two fingers]

Larry Johnson: Sorry.

[the man laughs a little]

Foster: Is there something funny here boy?

Larry Johnson: Oh, no.

Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?

[pause]

Foster: All right meow, where were we?

Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?

Foster: Am I saying meow?

[Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an "eehhh" facial expression, as he is considering the last one]

Larry Johnson: I thought...

Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, do you know how fast you were going?

[man laughs]

Foster: Meow what is so damn funny?

Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.

Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?

[Mac is gut-busting laughing]

Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?

[feigned anger]

Foster: Do you see me eating mice?

Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow!

Larry Johnson: [Stops and swallows hard] Yes sir.

Foster: Meow, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. It's the law.

[rips off the ticket and hands it to the man]

Foster: Not so funny meow, is it?

Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow!

Thorny:[After pulling over high kids] Where you boys heading?

High Kid: We're going to Canada for some french fries and gravy.

Thorny: Canada, eh?...Almost made it.

Taglines

Altered State Police
It's their highway. You're just driving on it.
You don't mess with the law. The law messes with you.

Cast

Jay Chandrasekhar as State Trooper Arcot 'Thorny' Ramathorn
Kevin Heffernan as State Trooper Rodney Farva
Steve Lemme as State Trooper MacIntyre 'Mac' Womack
Paul Soter as State Trooper Jeff Foster
Erik Stolhanske as State Trooper Robert 'Rabbit' Roto
Brian Cox as Captain John O'Hagen
Daniel von Bargen as Police Chief Bruce Grady
Jim Gaffigan as Larry Johnson

Quoternity