The Goodbye Girl Quotations

The Goodbye Girl is a 1977 film about an actor who sublets an apartment which already contains a divorcée and her daughter. The three must learn to live together despite rubbing each other the wrong way.

Directed by Herbert Ross. Written by Neil Simon Thank you Neil Simon for making us laugh at falling in love...again. (taglines)

Elliot Garfield

I play the guitar whenever I cannot sleep, and I meditate every morning, complete with chanting and burning incense, so if you have to walk around I'd appreciate a little tiptoeing. Also: I sleep in the nude. "Au buffo." Winter and summer, rain or snow, with the windows open. And because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night, and because I do not want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place, unless you're looking for a quick thrill or your daughter an advanced education I'd keep my door closed.

I will bring home anyone or anything I chose including a one-eyed Episcopalian Kangaroo if that happens to be kinky inclination.
- after being told not to bring any female guests into the apartment

If you were a Broadway musical, people would be humming your face.

"It never occurred to us that William Shakespeare wrote the Wizard of Oz. However, Elliot Garfield makes a splended Wicked Witch of the North." Tacky. Tacky. Well, if they're gonna kill me. Let 'em kill me with panache.
- reading a review of his disasterous Richard III performance

Miss McFadden, today I begin rehearsals for my first New York play. It will be the most important day of my life. Am I nervous? No, I am not nervous. For I have meditated. I am relaxed. I am calm. I am confident. You, on the other hand, have not meditated, and therefore you are a pain in the ass.

My careereth is over. I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth. Mark, I'm begging you. I'm BEGGING you. You want this kind of performance? Let me play Lady Anne.
- during a rehearsal of Richard III in which his director has made him play the title character as a flamboyant homosexual

What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?

You know I liked you from the first time I met you when you answered the door. I said to myself, "This is the best half-a-face I ever saw!"

You know I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first rate.

You're not the only one who can yell rape, you know.

Dialogue

Elliot Garfield: I happen to have a lease in my pocket. Are you gonna honor it or what?

Paula McFadden: I have a daughter in my bedroom. That tops the lease in your pocket.

Paula McFadden: I thought you said you were decent.

Elliot Garfield: I am decent. I also happen to be naked.

Lucy McFadden: What's that?

Paula McFadden: Sounds like God.

Lucy McFadden: I smell strawberries burning.

Paula McFadden: That's incense.

Lucy McFadden: What's incense?

Paula McFadden: It is what I am feeling right now.

upon awaking at dawn to Elliot's chanting

Lucy McFadden: Congratulations!

Elliot Garfield: For what?

Lucy McFadden: I didn't know what else to say.

after Elliot's play flops

Elliot Garfield: That's okay. Now I'm free to take that other job.

Lucy McFadden: What other job?

Elliot Garfield: I'm looking, I'm looking!

after hearing that his play has closed

Cast

Richard Dreyfuss - Elliott Garfield
Marsha Mason - Paula McFadden
Quinn Cummings - Lucy McFadden

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