The Man with Two Brains Quotations

The Man with Two Brains is a 1983 comedy film about a brain surgeon who tries to end his unhappy marriage to spend more time with a disembodied brain.

Dr. Hfuhruhurr

[Grabbing an expensive vase during a marital spat] Our marriage lies broken on the floor, like the shards of glass on our honeymoon suite! [He slams the vase to the ground, but it bounces back up into his hands.] Ahhh! Oh-ho! 19th-Century Indian rubber vase, eh?!

[After Dolores finally consummates her marriage to Dr. Hfuhruhurr…]

I never knew it could be like that! [sighs] So… so… professional!

Dialogue

[A recurring scene in the operating room…]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: Metzenbaum scissors!

Nurse: Metzenbaum scissors!

[A cat meows.]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: Get that cat out of here!

[Dr. Brandon is arguing with Dr. Hfuhruhurr about his performing the operation on Dolores.]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: But there's only one other person I'd trust to perform this operation — Beckerman!

Dr. Brandon: Well Dr. Beckerman was murdered in Europe! You know that!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: Exactly! Not only is he dead, he's six thousand miles away!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: The only time we doctors should accept death is when it's caused by our own incompetence!

Dr. Necessiter: Nonsense! If the murder of twelve innocent people can help save one human life, it will have been worth it!

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr is rowing with Anne's enjarred brain, complete with sunhat and sunglasses, along an idyllic creek.]

Anne Uumellmahaye: I don't think there's a girl floating in any jar anywhere who's as happy as I am! Oh, Michael, you do so much for me, and I do nothing for you!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: Are you out of your head? [pauses] Sorry, I forgot.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr removes Anne's brain from the oven Dolores tried to bake her in. He tries to cool her off in the sink.]

Anne Uumellmahaye: I… I think I'm alright.

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: Count to ten!

Anne Uumellmahaye: 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… [pause] 10.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr turns to Dolores in a rage.]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: You! You cooked her nines!

[As the police try to stop the experiment…]

Inspector: You are playing God!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: SOMEBODY has to!

Major cast

Steve Martin as Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
Kathleen Turner as Dolores Benedict
David Warner as Dr. Alfred Necessiter
Sissy Spacek as Anne Uumellmahaye (voice; uncredited)

Quoternity