The Mummy Returns Quotations

The Mummy Returns is a 2001 film about the sequel to The Mummy in which the mummified body of Imhotep is shipped to a museum in London, where he once again wakes and begins his campaign of rage and terror.

Directed by Stephen Sommers. Written by Stephen Sommers

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell

Knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him. But this is my house, and I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.

[witnessing Imhotep's resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.

[about the mummified soldiers] Oh no, not these guys again!

[Evelyn is trying to block the door to keep the mummy soldiers out] Honey, what are you doing? These guys don't use doors.

[after seeing a hieroglyph of a warrior bearing his tattoo and the staff] Ok, NOW I'm a believer!

[to the Scorpion King] Go to hell and take your friends with you!

Jonathan Carnahan

I say chaps, look at that. Shrunken heads. I'd love to know how they do that. [Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan] Just curious.

If you see anyone come running out screaming, don't worry - it's just me.

Step aside Alex, I'm a professional!

Imhotep

[on seeing Rick] YOU!

[to Alex] I hope your parents had a good ride.

Izzy

[to Rick] Every time I hook up with you, I get shot. Last time I got shot in the ass. I'm in mourning for my ass!

This thing is filled with gas, dammit. Not hot air, gas. Where am I supposed to find gas around here? Bananas? Mangos? Tarzan's arse?

Whoa whoa whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet, real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing. [lowers voice] Unless we go with your approach: barging in face-first, guns blazing and getting your friends shot in the ass!

Well, that's not good.

Ardeth Bay

There's a fine line between coincidence and fate.

If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.

It was ... my first bus ride

Why can't you people ever keep your feet on the ground?

Alex O'Connell

Get a room!

My dad is going to kick your ass!

[after accidentally destroying the temple's interior, therefore rescuing his parents from almost drowning] Mum...Dad...I can explain everything.

Your asking me I'm only eight years old for cripes sake.

I havent lost it mum, I just cant find it, there's a difference.

Others

Anck-su-namun: Put your mask on. Let's not scar that pretty face!

Lock-Nah: NOW, can I kill him?

Dialogue

Rick: This is bad Evy.

Evy: We've had bad before.

Rick: This is worse.

Jonathan: I told you! I told you!

Meela: And your point is?

Jonathan: My point is, I told you so your wouldn't kill me.

Meela: When did we make that arrangement?

Rick: Ok, you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess...

Ardeth Bay: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.

Jonathan: I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't your job to make sure that doesn't happen?

Ardeth Bay: Wherever this man is, your wife will surely be.

Alex: Hey, I know him. He's the curator. He works at the British Museum.

Ardeth Bay: Are you sure?

Rick: You better believe him. He spends more time there than he does at home.

Ardeth Bay: [to Alex] By putting on the bracelet, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.

Rick: [to Ardeth] Hey, you, lighten up. [to Alex] You, big trouble. [to Jonathan] You, get in the car.

Alex: Come on! come on! [Jonathan breaks the key off in the ignition] YOU BROKE IT! YOU BROKE IT!

Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!

Rick: (unwillingly) Oh, I hate mummies.

[Rick, Evy and the others are being pursued by the mummified soldiers]

Ardeth Bay: Glad to see me now?

Rick: (enthusiatic) Just like old times, huh?

Alex: Hey. The Book of the Dead.

Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.

Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents, what makes you think I'm going to do it for you?

Meela: Because your parents don't put poisonous snakes in your bed... while you're sleeping.

Evelyn: No harm ever came from opening a chest.

Rick: Yeah, no harm ever came from reading a book, remember how that one went?

[seeing Rick's tattoo]

Ardeth Bay: If I were to say to you that, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...

Rick: ... Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek." How did you...?

Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.

Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.

Ardeth Bay: That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.

Rick: Sorry. You've got the wrong guy.

[Jonathan pulls up in a double decker bus]

Rick: [Confused] What's the matter with my car?

Jonathan: I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.

Rick: A DOUBLE-DECKER BUS!?

Jonathan: Well...[points at Alex] It was his idea.

Alex: Was not!

Jonathan: Was too!

Alex: Was not!

Rick: Just go!

Jonathan: Was too!

Alex: Was NOT!

Jonathan: Oh, jeez...

[Bus pulls away with mummified monkeys chasing behind, which climb over Rick's car and destroying it in the process]

Rick: No, no, not my car! [menacingly] Oh I hate mummies!

Izzy: Remeber that bankjob in Marakesh?

Evy: Bank job?

Rick: It's not how it sounds.

Izzy: Erh it's exactly how it sounds, I'm flying high hiding in the sun, white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup, next thing you know I get shot! I'm laying there in the middle of the road with my spleen hanging out and I see HIM waltzing off with some bellydancer girl!

Evy: Bellydancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.

Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.

Izzy: O'Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.

Rick: Didn't we do that in Tripoli?

Alex: Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah: No.

Alex: Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah: No.

Alex: Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah: No.

Alex: Are we ...

(Lock-Nah slams his knife into the table between Alex's fingers)

Alex: Whoa! That was amazing! Perfect aim!

Lock-Nah: What are you talking about? I missed!

Lock-Nah: When the time comes, I shall truly enjoy killing you.

Alex: But until that time, you better be a little nicer to me. Now where's my water?

[Lock-Nah shoves the pitcher of water into Alex's hands]

Alex: No ice?

Evy: Jonathan?

Jonathan: Yes?

Evy: That's my husband and son down there. Make me proud.

Jonathan: Today's that day, Evy.

Rick: You know, it's not easy, being a dad.

Alex: Yeah. But you do it real good.

[Jonathan and an enemy soldier run into a clearing with stones while fleeing the forrest gremlins]

Jonathan: See that?! We're safe, we're safe! See those sacred stones, they'll never cross those!

Enemy Soldier: You are sure?

Jonathan: Yes of course I'm sure!

[A forest gremlin notices them and attacks, spearing the solder in the chest]

Jonathan: [Screams then looks at the solder, shocked] Sorry, my mistake!

Alex: Efday shokran...efday shokran...Uncle Jon! I don't know what this last symbol is!

Jonathan: What does it look like?

Alex: It's a bird - a stork!

Jonathan: I know that one! I know that one!

Alex: Then what is it?

Jonathan: [fighting with Meela]Ah...ah...!

Jonathan: [after throwing off Meela] Amenophus!

Jonathan: Pull me up! Pull me up!

[he sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]

Jonathan: Wait, wait. Let me down. Let me down!

Rick: It's not worth your life, you idiot!

Jonathan: Yes, it is! Yes, it is!

Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.

Jonathan: What?

Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine!

Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!

Jonathan: No, I have no id - I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.

Izzy: You haven't! You- you ain't got a wife!

Jonathan: I haven't got your gold stick either!

Taglines

Adventure Is Reborn.
The most powerful force on earth is about to be unleashed by the two people who should know better.
He will rise again.

Cast

Brendan Fraser - Richard 'Rick' O'Connell
Rachel Weisz - Evelyn "Evy" Carnahan O'Connell/Princess Nefertiri
John Hannah - Jonathan Carnahan
Arnold Vosloo - High Priest Imhotep
Oded Fehr - Ardeth Bey
The Rock - Mathayus the Scorpion King
Freddie Boath - Alexander 'Alex' O'Connell
Patricia Velasquez - Meela Nais/Anck-su-namun
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje - Lock-Nah

Quoternity