The New Zoo

Genesis [1.01]

Al: Your best bet is to stop moving until all electrical activity in the brain ceases.

Sam: That's called death.

How the Tess Was Won [1.04]

Al: It always amazes me what your Swiss-cheesed brain chooses to remember.

Double Identity [1.05]

Al: At 22:15 Greenwich Mean Time, you must plug in a thousand-watt hairdryer in a house located at 111 Erie Drive, Buffalo, New York.

Sam: What?!

Play It Again, Seymour [1.08]

Sam: We've got Clapper.

Al: Careful, Sam--there was no cure for that in 1953.

Honeymoon Express [2.01]

Al: In two days, the Russians are going to shoot down the U-2.

Sam: The rock group?

Another Mother [2.13]

Sam: The fact that you were a practicing pervert at the age of 5 has nothing to do with the rest of the world!

Her Charm [2.15]

Dana: Don't tell me there's not any light.... You brought me up here to a cabin to get murdered without electricity?!

[Sam turns on a lamp.]

Sam: See? Light, to shoot you by.

M.I.A. [2.22]

Al: Ziggy says the odds are real good.

Sam: How good?

Al: Oh, you know. They're way up there.

A Little Miracle [3.10]

Al: What's with Ebenezer there?

Sam: He's ready to tear down the mission with his bare hands, Al; I think I'm making things worse.

Last Dance Before an Execution [3.19]

Al: It's not like you're lost in a mall — you're lost in time.

The Leap Back [4.01]

[Sam and Al have traded places — Al as the leaper, Sam as the hologram from the lab.]

Al: Do you have any Sweet 'n Low? Or Equal?

Kelly: Sweet 'n low? Equal?

Sam: No, no, no, no, no. They didn't have any artificial sweetner in 1945. Okay?

[Sam looks at Kelly.]

Sam: But boy, did they have women with big kazooms!

Kelly: Even with the cafe I'm rationed a half a pound of sugar a week. And Mike tries to put all of it into in his cup.

Mike: Are you forgetting who slips you an extra pound of butter every now and then?

Kelly: I didn't know I was swappin' sugar for it.

Sam: Well, if a pound of butter is all it takes, I got me a dairy farm that I...

Al: [to Sam] Stop that!!

Clifford Whiteside: We're to be married in two days! What are my mother and father going to say?

Sam: Cancel the church, the reception, the cake...

Sam: Revenge is mine, thus sayeth the hologram.

Sam: What do you got on Al?

Ziggy: He is 175.26 cm tall, weighs 70.91—

Sam: Ziggy!

Ziggy: Yes, Doctor?

Sam: Give me what I want, baby.

Ziggy: Oooh. If you weren't my father...

Sam: Dammit Ziggy! Tell me something I don't know!

Ziggy: Tina's having an affair with Gushie.

Sam: Something to help Al.

The Wrong Stuff [4.07]

Sam: That's if I'm a human. I'm not a human — I'm a chimp. We don't have rules for chimps, do we?

The Play's the Thing [4.11]

Al: It's much worse than death... in two days, she goes home... she spends the rest of her life alone... without love... in Cleveland.

Running For Honor [4.12]

Al: Tea? Not coffee?

Sam: I'm making some tea. Tea. T-E-A tea. Tea, tea, tea. I don't like coffee, I like tea....Does drinking tea make me any less of a man than somebody who drinks coffee? I mean, is every tea-drinker in the entire history of the world gay to you? Is that it? What about the Boston Tea Party? Was that like some kind of a gay boat festival or something?

Roberto! [4.17]

Jannie Eisenberg: I'll tell you what. Why don't you lie down in the parking lot and I'll accidentally back over you with my car. Probably we can get a whole week out of that.

It's A Wonderful Leap [4.18]

Sam: I was trying to save your life.

Angela: By running me down and beating me up?

Sam: No, no. I thought...I thought that your heart had stopped. I was just trying to get it started again, that's all.

Angela: Oh, why don't you back over me a couple more times?

Sam: You shouldn't move.

Angela: You shouldn't drive.

The Curse of Ptah-Hotep [4.20]

Al: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 'Oops! It was an accident! I accidentally killed everybody. Haw haw. Now I'm stuck with this secret load of secret treasure. Oh, I'm going to have to give up my measley, poor-paying professorship and go somewhere and live a life of ease and luxury somewhere else. Ha ha.' Give her an Oscar and let's get the hell outta here.

Star Light, Star Bright [5.06]

Al: Gushie, if I should suddenly pop out of existence, I want to leave everything to my first wife, Beth.

Trilogy, Part 3: The Last Door [5.10]

Al: He thinks I'm Saint Peter and that I'm going to send him to Hell for overcharging his hours.

Blood Moon [5.15]

Al: He has all the signs of the undead.

Sam: And you have all the signs of the brain dead.

Memphis Melody [5.21]

[Al consults his frequently malfunctioning handlink.]

Al: He's at dinner.

Sam: He's at a dinner?

Al: Yeah.

Sam: In the middle of the afternoon? He's at a dinner?

Al: He's at a dinner, having diner.

Sam: What?

[Al slaps the handlink.]

Al: Oh, he's at the diner having dinner... make it lunch.

Sam: You've got to reach for the stars, not for the ceiling.

Al: He cancels out on Elvis! Oh! This is awful, Sam! Ziggy says now, Elvis doesn't even get discovered. And "Heartbreak Hotel" is recorded by the... Monkees! And "Jailhouse Rock" is recorded by Tony Orlando and Dawn. Ughh! Gag me with a spoon!

Mirror Image [5.22]

Sam: You're not just a bartender.

Bartender Al: That's true. I own the place, too.

Unidentified season

• Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Doctor Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator - and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Doctor Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap... will be the leap home.
  • Opening narration, Seasons 3-5 and syndication

• Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Doctor Sam Beckett led an elite group of scientists into the desert to develop a top secret project, known as "Quantum Leap". Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding, Doctor Beckett prematurely stepped into the Project Accelerator and vanished. He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own. Fortunately, contact with his own time was made through brainwave transmissions with Al, the Project Observer, who appeared in the form of a hologram that only Doctor Beckett could see and hear. Trapped in the past, Doctor Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
  • Opening narration, Season 2, episodes 13-22

Unidentified episode

Al: Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do, take pictures.

Sam: Do you have to sneak up on me?

Al: I'm sorry. What do you expect a hologram to do? Knock?