The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat

Fritz

• Hey, you know the most interesting thing about smoking is that it causes excessive perspiration, and a person has to take off all of their clothes, or they could drown to death in their own juices.

• Oh, Jesus Christ! Lucifer's a faggot!

• My achin' swastika! I thought bein' a nazi was all "zig, zig," and "sieg heil!" This is for shit! I better get my ass the fuck out of here!

Other

U.S. Army Sergeant: How do these people expect to win a war when they're in a goddamn uniform?

Fritz' Old Lady: Remember when I told you that you should be a contestant on "Let's Make A Deal"? Well, dress up like a frog, and wear a yarmulke, 'cause I think the host likes Jewish people!

Dialogue

Fritz's Old Lady: You're a no-good, Fritz! Whaddya have to say fer yerself?

Fritz: Suck my dick!!!

Fritz: Ah, freedom of the pass.

Crow Reporter: Hey, Fritz Baby, Wanna talk to Walter?

Fritz: Sure, why not?

Walter: Fritz…does being the first to set foot on Mars—golly—kind of give you goose bumps?

Fritz: Ahem. Gentlemen, I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world, and I've seen it all, and I've done it all. I've fought many a good man and laid many a good woman. And I've had riches, fame, and adventure, too. Yes. I've stood eyeball-to-eyeball with death countless times and never, never once squinted. Oh, I've tasted life to the fullest, and still my tortured soul cries out - more! More! Oh, shit! Oh, oh, God, can there be any more?

Crow Reporter: How do it feel, Fritz? I mean, man, like Mars ain't around the corner.

Fritz: Oh you're so right. Hey, would you like to discuss this in private? Gee, you got a lovely pair of eyes.

Crow Reporter: In private?

Fritz: Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure. Listen, doll, I'd kind of like to give you a break. You know, kind of help pay back for what my people did to your people.

Crow Reporter: Yeah? What kind of a break?

Fritz: Well you know, an exclusive—an inside story.