The Order of the Stick Quotations

The Order of the Stick is a fantasy-based webcomic based off a Dungeons & Dragons-themed universe by Rich Burlew.

Strips 1-99

Elan: Hi, Haley. Look, I found all these free swords. They were in my spleen.

Strip 6: The Cleric is "In"

Eugene Greenhilt: Hey, that deal was very clear: 'Til death do us part. Once I shuffle off the mortal coil, I'm free to play the field.

Strip 39: Spontaneous Artistic Expression

Belkar Bitterleaf: I have an idea. It starts with "s" and ends with "litting their throats."

Strip 72: Loose Ends

Strips 100-199

Xykon: Y'know, I've destroyed entire towns, and the most I got from the surviving families were a few snarky comments. You, sir, have a serious problem with overreaction.

Strip 112: Shatter

Elan: It's true what they say: "Hard work may pay off in the long run, but laziness always pays off right now!"

Strip 126: Multiclass Struggles

Belkar: Tell me, is being a complete and utter moron a prerequisite for the class, or a side effect of taking a level?

Gortok: Let Gortok answer your question with a question: Who will be the moron after Gortok's white-hot anger crushes your little body into a mangled bloody pulp while Gortok sings a jaunty tune to accompany your unanswered cries for mercy?

Strip 132: Kindred Spirits

Xykon: I think I just had an evilgasm.

Strip 197: A Change of Scale

Strips 200-299

Belkar: It's like the old song says: If I can kill it here, I can kill it anywhere.

Strip 206: Hidden Benefit of Being an Adventurer

Miko: The proper term is "smite evil", not "bump uglies."

Strip 212: Dirt Farm

Miko: By the Twelve Gods and in the name of Lord Shojo, I demand to know: Who removed the tag from this mattress?!?

Strip 227: AR&R

Belkar: Hey Sweet Thing, wanna hold my Rod of Lordly Might? If you push the right button, it might extend!

Strip 244: What? It's a Legitimate Magic Item

Belkar: It's as true today as when I started adventuring: "When in doubt, set something on fire."

Strip 270: Dueling Egos

Celia: Hey, I don't make the crazy rules, I just twist them to my purpose.

Strip 278: A New Strategy

Strips 300-399

Redcloak: So help me, if you make me sail a ship made of hobgoblin corpses across the ocean, I will find a way to make you pay.

Strip 300: Pick Your Doom

Roy: Truly, your wit has never been equaled. Surpassed, often, but never equaled.

Strip 327: The Test of the Mind

Nale: Must...resist...urge to assert...heterosexuality! For the sake...of the plan!

Strip 365: Caught in the Act

Strips 400-499

Shojo: Look, O-Chul, I have two tasks that need to be completed. One involves three prisoners whose existence is now a state secret. The other involves cleaning up what came out of my cat's butt this morning. And Mr. Scruffy had a very upset tummy last night, didn't he? Didn't he?

Strip 404: A Paladin's Duty

Belkar: I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!!!

Strip 439: Seeing Orange

Xykon: Goddamn, it, I forgot how much pain tends to hurt!

Striip 459: Negative Feelings

Belkar: Sorry, Scarface. Looks like one of us has an appointment with that thing's esophagus, and I nominate you, on account of you not being me.

Strip 477: Shock and Awwwwww

Roy: So...I could have all the one-night stands I want, but I'd have to have them at my Mom's house ? Are you trying to make people feel guilty about sex ?

Roy's Archon: Actually, yes. We've found that our Lawful patrons generally expect it that way.

Strip 492: Things to Do in Heaven When You're Dead

Strips 500-599

Haley:Anyway, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, I won initiative, so you guys get a sneak attack each. The good news is, I don't have to bother thinking up a second half to that joke, 'cause you're all dead now.

Strip 512: They've Had Time to Train, Too

Haley: This story is swiftly moving from fantasy to horror - and just my luck, I'm stuck in the role of the bimbo who runs down the alley away from the monsters. I swear, if I randomly fall down and break the heel of my boot, I'm going to find Wes Craven and kick his ass.

Strip 519: Nightmare on Blue Street

Elan: Fight, fight, fight, fight the urge to say, "I told you so!"

Strip 556: Nuthin' But Net

Kazumi: I'm a goddamn baby-making, life-taking MACHINE! Why should I care how many people I have to kill? I can just make MORE in my TUMMY!

Strip 587: What to Expect When You're Expecting Assassins

Strips 600-699

Belkar: Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime.

Strip 612: Technically, the "Fish" Version is a Subset of This One

Nero: Call me old fashioned, but an evil ascension to power just isn't the same without someone chanting faux Latin in the backround.

Strip 635: I See a Red Robe and I Want to Paint it Black

Cedrik: A good way to get a decent person to do something horrible is to convince them that they're not responsible for their actions.

Strip 640: Madness

Crystal: Who's there?

Haley: Roland.

Crystal: Roland who?

Haley: Roland 'Itiative, and his four friends Sneak Attack, Sneak Attack, Sneak Attack, and Sneak Attack.

Strip 648: A Dish Best Served With +1d6 Cold Damage

On the Origin of PCs

Haley: Warning: Meat laced with sleep potion may cause drowsiness.

[Page 6]

Roy: ... Gee, thanks for this visit, Dad. I had almost forgotten how much of an anal retentive blowhard you are.

[Page 32]

Haley: Sneak Attack Upside the Head!

[Page 52]

Start of Darkness

Young Xykon: Zombification: it cures what ails you. Forever.

[Page 8]

Xyklon: Hey! Come back here! We're supposed to fight now!!! Sigh...guards, fetch the Ben & Jerry's.

[Page 25]

Female Goblin: Well...we could be dirt farmers.

Male Goblin: Nah, the humans, got all the good dirt. Lucky bastards.

[Page 37]

Redcloak: I'm so glad your conversion to a life-draining mockery of all that is beautiful has proven to be such a barrel of laughs.

[Page 66]

Eugene Greenhilt: When you're dead, you're never going to look back and say, "Darn, I didn't spend enough time on petty revenge."

[Page 79]

Xykon: I ripped off my own living flesh so that I wouldn't have to admit weakness. You're strictly little league compared to that. That right there? That's the difference between bonafide true Evil with a capital "E" and your whiny "evil, but for a good cause," crap. One gets to be the butch, and one gets to be the bitch - bitch.

[Page 109]

Quoternity